How to Please Him in the Bedroom & Everywhere Else

By

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September 18, 2021

pexels-matheus-bertelli-799420 — Photo by Matheus Bertelli from Pexels

What Men Want in Bed!

Pleasing your man sexually may cause him to redirect his energies to you and your
relationship. If you want to get started pleasing him… try these hot ideas to please him in the bedroom and beyond!

Share your fantasies with him and role-play together
Do a striptease for him when he least expects it
Talk erotically to your man during lovemaking
Have at least one quickie a week
Make love in different places
Give him a sexual massage
Lavish him with oral sex

Here are the top 12 qualities men want in their partner. How many do you have?

1. Men want women who say what they want
2. Women who will initiate sex
3. Women who are uninhibited
4. Women who wear sexy lingerie
5. Women who are responsive
6. Women who enjoy erotic talk
7. Women who like to role-play
8. Women who want quickies
9. Adventuresome women
10. Confident women

How would you like to have a man in your life that is going somewhere – but always
comes back home to you? How would you like to have a man that is devoted to your
relationship? That you can trust? That you believe in and is there for you in every way?
Men are both physical and emotional creatures but women tend to focus on the
emotional side more. If you can give your man the balance of both sides, he’s going to
be much more willing to forget about other opportunities. Why stray if he already has the
woman of his dreams? While no healthy relationship is all about the physical or the
emotional, you want to bring a healthy dose of both.

Here is how to become the sexy woman of your man’s dreams.

Whispering Sweet Nothings

Most men will become turned on if you whisper some off-color suggestions to them. Tell
your man what you want to do to him and what you want him to do to you in graphic
detail. Experiment and find out which of these are effective on your man, then employ
them at strategic moments to capture his heart, and all organs south of there. Men’s
brains share the same area for sexual pleasures and visual stimulation (which is why
Viagra makes some men “see blue” as a side effect).

That means if you use words that create visual pictures, you’ll be more likely to arouse
him. The fastest way to a man’s heart isn’t through his favorite organ, but rather through
his second most important organ, his head. And you can reach that by whispering a
suggestive picture of what you’d like to be doing with him.

Words aren’t the only verbal skills you can employ to snare a man’s attention. Using
sounds instead of talk can work (and what man doesn’t become aroused at a tape
recorded sound of a woman reaching a climax and moaning “yes, yes, yes!”) Start by
exaggerating the sounds that you already make like moaning, panting and growling.
These can all be signs that you’re having a great time between the sheets (or can be
employed as a “turn on” tape you record and place in your man’s car for him to hear on
the way home from work).

Give Him a Sensual Massage

This is one of the most precious, memorable and erotic gifts you can give your man. All
it takes is a little time, creativity and for you to get into a sexpot mood. The difference
between a standard massage and a sexual massage is, of course, that the purpose of a
sexual massage is to arouse. Hands on the lower back, fingertips across a bare nipple,
mouth on the curve of a knee, fingernails through your lover’s scalp, hair tickling his lips-
-your entire body should be used to massage and stimulate your lover from head to toe.
So, imagine you’ve got your room set up. And, you’ve paid attention to setting the
mood—including lights and music—remember to keep all the senses in mind. You’ve
also chosen a comfortable location, right? Now, tell him to lie naked on his stomach.
With sensual massage, what the giver wears is important as well. Wear something
sexy, seductive, and alluring. The giver should stimulate her partner with a variety of
strokes. Use your tongue—be creative! Try placing your entire body gently on top of
your lover’s. Move up and down and side to side—move slowly and erotically. Create
sexual anticipation by stimulating several areas at the same time.

Don’t stimulate any one area for too long. But, be sure to come back to the areas that
arouse your partner the most. The giver can and should experiment! But, the receiver
should be encouraged to give lots of feedback. For example, “Mmm, I love when you
massage me with your breasts. Please do that some more.” Or, “Feeling your body rub
up and down mine is really turning me on, but be careful not to put too much weight on
me.” It’s also erotic to talk about the experience afterwards. It will help you perfect your
massage technique, so that you can learn to give your lover the best massage of his
life! Remember to massage for the pleasure of the receiver. Massage is all about
giving the most pleasure to your partner that you possibly can. It is a wonderful way to
express your self non-verbally.

Mutual Masturbation

While you’re talking erotically to each other and fanning the flame, one-at-a-time, or
together, begin to masturbate so your partner can see how you give yourself pleasure.
Perhaps the idea of doing this gives you displeasure. I understand, and I will share
some extra details for those of you who might be uncomfortable masturbating in front of
their lover, or who might have reservations regarding masturbation at all, since
masturbation has had a bad rap.

There are few examples of human sexuality that crystallize the hysteria and change in
general sexual attitudes as the subject of masturbation. Perhaps because it was
perceived as being the initial mechanism for sexual gratification, it drew outlandishly
morbid attention, and produced centuries of unnecessary misery and anxiety in adults
as well as children, especially where anti-masturbatory teachings have been imposed.
Masturbating is not only normal, it is perfectly normal. So roll up your sleeves and get
used to the idea of masturbating, and even masturbating in front of your lover. It’s okay.
It’s more than okay. It is wholesome and can be an educational way to both turn you
and your lover on.

He may be as uncomfortable as you are at first, maybe more so. So take time with this.
Discuss it, and then move toward short sessions that end with your usual sexual
activities. Little by little you can extend the periods of mutual masturbation and in the
process really let your lover know about your sexuality by touching and caressing
yourself and thereby demonstrating what works to turn you on and satisfy you.

Likewise, masturbating can be an important way for you to discover what really works to
help you reach a climax, what turns you on, and what doesn’t work. Take some time to
explore your body. If you don’t know what pleases you, then how can you communicate
your desires to your partner? If you don’t love your body, then your partner will not be
able to love your body either.

Masturbation, without guilt, offers a way to become relaxed and comfortable with your
own body. It offers a way to gain better self-esteem, give better communication with
your lover, and a path toward greater sexual satisfaction.

The Differences Between BDSM & Abuse

By

Bobby Morgan

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November 22, 2021

Finding My Dream Dom

I’m not the first and I certainly won’t be the last person to write about the differences between BDSM and abuse.

Years ago, I had actively sought out single Doms for relationships. I had a few good experiences that didn’t pan out for personal or compatibility reasons. I immediately weeded out a ton of dickheads and clueless wannabes before there was ever a hope of exchanging phone calls or meeting in person. I also chatted or met with about a half-dozen men who scared me so badly that I ended and blocked contact with them every way I knew how. They just wanted to verbally and/or physically abuse women.

I don’t mean to sound melodramatic about some of the horrible men I came across in my life. If I had the information and contacts that I have now about what is truly, safe, sane and consensual (SSC), I would have never let things get as far as they went. There’s a lot more good credible information available about BDSM now than when I was looking for the Dom of my dreams years ago, but I still see bad information floating around.

Some Subs Don’t Even Know They Are Being Abused

Ironically, some of the worst offenders are usually in some sub-to-sub online discussion forums where the most influential posters have no idea or refuse to believe that they’re being abused. They talk about large, deep patches of bruises and welts like badges of honor. They insist that they’ll do anything their Doms tell them to without question in order to make them happy. And I don’t think I have to explain how lots of people pick up “everything they know” about BDSM from the media, erotica and porn.

It’s easy for people to pick up mixed messages. On the surface, BDSM can look like abuse. Restraints and pain implements like whips, floggers and canes may be used to inflict pain but as long as it induces or incorporated with pleasurable sensual experience.

Terms like “humiliation” and “degradation” may be used, but only to push psychological limits in a controlled way with mutual sexual satisfaction. Words like “whore”, “bitch” and “slut” may be used to evoke a partner’s deeply buried and uncensored sexual side. But if you don’t feel like you’re getting a sexual thrill or feel good or liberated about taking part in activities like that, evaluate how you feel and what’s going on in your BDSM relationship in these following ways.

BDSM is based on consent. It’s not consent if…

You did not expressly give consent.
You were afraid to say “No”.
You say, “Yes,” to avoid conflict or to avoid consequences like losing a job or being outed.
You cannot withdraw consent and stop what’s happening at any time.
You cannot express limits and needs without being ridiculed, criticized or being coerced into relinquishing limits.

Tell-tales Signs of an Abuser Vs a Dom/me

A Dominant (a male Dom or female Domme) will take a submissive’s concerns seriously during or after a scene, even days or weeks after; an abuser will not.

A Dominant will take responsibility for any physical, emotional or mental trauma that arises during the course of play. An abuser will say abuse didn’t happen or will shift the responsibility for how a sub feels back to him or her.

A Dominant encourages a submissive to have contacts within in the BDSM community or anyone else in a submissive’s life. An abuser will limit or forbid a submissive to have contacts with others in or even out of the BDSM community.

A Dominant encourages a submissive to learn about BDSM. An abuser may forbid a submissive to learn about BDSM or even refuse to learn about BDSM him or herself.

A Dominant respects limits and pays immediate heed to safewords. An abuser may convince you not to use safewords, admonishes you for using safewords, or ignores safewords.

A Dominant may take control your behavior during the course of scene. An abuser may take control of your behavior at all times.

BDSM is enjoyed by all partners: fun, erotic, loving, and done with an understanding of trust. An abuser has no regard for enjoyment of his or her partner and feels entitled to obedience.

A Dominant learns what they do before they put it into action and will even talk about their learning and training. A Dominant will also show a submissive their favorite implements and talk about what they know about safety and how to handle emergencies before any kind of play ensues. An abuser gets dismissive, defensive or even angry when questioned about their BDSM knowledge, education, training or awareness of risks.

Dominants check on their submissives to make sure they’re okay during the course of a scene and even just after or even days afterward. Abusers have no concern for a submissive’s safety, comfort or enjoyment.

A Dominant intends to have a mutually enjoyable encounter; an abuser does not.

During bondage scenes, Dominants use safety clips and know how to release a submissive quickly. An abuser restrains victims with fear and intimidation.

BDSM is about the building of a trusting relationship between two consenting partners. An abuser will breach a submissive’s trust because he believes he’s entitled.

BDSM is about the mutual respect demonstrated between two enlightened people. Abuse is about the lack of respect or even straight-out contempt that one person demonstrates toward a submissive.

BDSM is about a shared enjoyment of controlled erotic pain and/or humiliation for mutual pleasure. Abuse is out-of-control physical violence or emotional degradation that leaves a submissive feeling physically or emotionally wounded with no reward.

Negotiation occurs before a BDSM scene to determine what can and will not happen during the course of a scene. An abuser determines what will happen without input or consent from a submissive.

Each person involved in a BDSM scene is concerned about the needs and desires of others. An abuser doesn’t consider the needs of a submissive and may even insist that a submissive should like and enjoy everything inflicted upon them.

What to do if You Feel You are Being Abused

If any of these situations sound like what you’re dealing with, it’s time to reevaluate, renegotiate or walk away from the relationship. If you still have questions or doubt or need help getting out of an abusive relationship of any kind (the risk of abusive relationships is not limited to BDSM), call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

Or go here: https://www.thehotline.org/

You can also find more information here at the Submissive Guide: BDSM Vs Abuse.

Keep in mind that there are lots of great Dominant men and women out there. Some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. They’ll be the first to tell you that respect and trust are earned; it’s a two-way street. They practice what they say with others in the BDSM community, their neighbors, their co-workers, the waitress who works at the corner diner, and, of course, their subs … just in a different way.

Tantric Masturbation: Sex Magic for One

By

Domina Doll

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May 1, 2021

pexels-john-924373 — Photo by John from Pexels

Welcome to May–Masturbation Month! This is the start of a series of articles celebrating sexual self love!

The goal of Tantra is to explore sacred sexuality as a spiritual act of love and pleasure, to undergo personal transformation, and to find the balance within through mystical consciousness or connection with the divine. Again, this is not goal-orientated, at least to begin with, but more about exploration. Go slow and just enjoy giving yourself pleasure.

How to Do Tantra for One

Lay comfortably on your back, arms at sides, palms pressed lightly against the floor. Close your eyes and breathe deeply from the stomach and chest, feeling the tension flow out of you with each exhale. Your breathing should be slow, rhythmic and peaceful, not forced or unnatural. Feel yourself grounding into the earth and connecting with earth energy.

Practice conscious breathing by placing the heels of your hands to the sides of your rib cage, against the bottom ribs. Become aware of your breath for a moment, and allow it to become slow and rhythmic. As you breathe slowly through the nose, concentrate quietly on how the ribs move in and out, pressing your hands in gently into the ribs and then release with the exhale.

One you have practiced this, continue to breathe, making your breath circular: Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth making the breathing completely “circular” with no pauses between inhales and exhales. This type of breathing is especially good when trying to cycle orgasmic energy through your body.

Begin to stimulate yourself through masturbation until you reach the edge of the plateau stage, the point of no return or last possible moment that you can abstain from orgasm. At this point, stop stimulating yourself and breath very slowly and deeply until the desire to orgasm fades. This is called sexual “edging”. Continue to do this several times, each time reaching the edge of orgasm, then pulling back and not allowing yourself to climax. This technique takes practice, so don’t worry if you go over the edge the first couple of tries. Through practice you will be able to slow down stimulation, rather than stopping completely and continue to build this heightened state of awareness.

Continuous Orgasm

You can learn to have long continuous whole-body orgasms via Tantra masturbation. Continue to edge your orgasm and while doing so, contract your PC muscles and move your hips, imagining as you do that the orgasmic energy is circulating through your body with the breath.

When you do finally orgasm see if you can keep the orgasm going, continuing to stimulate, and ride the orgasm out in longer and longer waves.

Enjoy!

Top 5 Tips To Learn About Writing When You Have Lots Of Work

By

Ralph Greco

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October 15, 2021

pexels-shvets-production-7194664 — Photo by SHVETS production from Pexels

And suddenly, I am flush with money and work.

This is the way I’ve often found it in the freelance writing game. I can go for a whole month with no gigs, starting to worry about scrounging for the pennies, and then BAMMO (just like Batman), I have almost too much work to negotiate.

It’s feast or famine around my neck of the woods more often than not, and presently I find myself feasting.

But it won’t last. Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to declare that I will, at least this time, learn a few things (“Sure sure, Ralph,” I hear you say as you pay my head knowingly).

Here are my Top 5 Lessons To Learn About Writing Work When You Have Lots Of Work

1.) Save money.

This is one you’d think I’d learn time and again, but alas, I get a few coins a’janglng, and they either fly out of my finger to pay past bills, or I treat myself to my usual round of coke and escorts (ok, that’s a joke). But I do have a propensity for spending too much money on books, toys (and no, not even the vibrating kind), and records. I have to remember to save some money as I make some money, so I have some money for those times I’m not making all that much money.

2.) Keep looking for work.

Even inundated, trying to find my footing (and time to write) under a tsunami of work, I need to keep my eyes and ears open for more of it. None of us should become complacent when we get a little breathing room, suddenly become lazy thinking that we don’t need to keep looking as intensely as we always have for jobs, or slack off keeping in touch with an old client who may have the promise of work down the line. Sure, you need to pay attention to the job at hand (which will lead me to my third point in a second), but we always need to keep our minds on getting more.

3.) To that work at hand?

Work it hard as you do all other work but remember, to schedule it around everything you are already doing. This is my biggest weakness; I have a terrible mind (not a ‘beautiful one’ at all) for scheduling, keeping to calendars, prioritizing. But if a mountain comes suddenly sliding into you, you probably are going to have to find a way to start climbing it. Which leads to…

4.) Don’t forget the work you already have.

This isn’t so easy to do, especially if the work you already might be doing is something you’ve been at for a long time, or it pays you less than the new work coming in (which so often happens as older work might be stuff you priced out way back before you had grown your reputation and skills to where they are now). But this older work needs to be considered and kept to as much as the new.

5.) Keep on the new employer for more/new work/building your relationship.

Whoever has come to lay some new stuff in your lap, or whomever you have courted to get it, they are going to need to be stroked a little, at least at the beginning First and foremost, you do this by doing a great job…which, you should be doing all the time anyway. But for a first-time client, I go a little above and beyond, keep the communication fluid and consistent, so they can get me pretty much get me as they want me (at least in the beginning), and stroke the client as much as I can without having to throw-up in my mouth too often.

All too soon, I’ll be in the ditch again, scrambling and worrying about work. For now, though, with a bit of a surplus of it, I need to keep my head and maybe learn a few valuable lessons, so there isn’t such a deep difference between the busy times and the quiet.

The question is: will I take these five tips to heart? Your guess is as good as mine.

Save Our Studs: Why the Better Use of Male Talent Supports Everyone

By

Megan Hussey

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May 28, 2021

I call it SES. Sexy Elbow Syndrome.

I rent a XXX feature in anticipation of seeing my favorite male porn hunks. Only to see their arms and elbows as they clasp and support the focal point of the scene: The woman.

It is very rare in porn that the male form is highlighted in any aspect. You still don’t see them on too many DVD covers, and their names always appear behind those of the actresses–if at all. Sometimes they don’t bother to choose male talent based on looks or charm, but simply on if they can last the duration of The Bohemian Rhapsody or thereabouts in the wood-wielding department.

We’ve all seen it, Ladies–and suffered through it. You’re watching a flick starring your favorite hunk and you think, “When is the camera going to focus on him? Oh wait a minute, the angle is changing, the lens is shifting in his general direction, yes yes ye–nope, denied. Urgghhh!”

Or you watch a flick starring your man’s favorite starlet–and when you take a good look at her possibly hygienically impaired co-star, you’re suddenly thanking every saint you know that the camera does not focus on him.

This first occurred to me when I developed my first porn crush, on Gerald Pike. Pike was an absolutely stunning ex-stripper and Playgirl model who appeared in at least 157 films, including my all-time favorite XXX romance, Immortal Desire.

Now just look at that man. He should be featured on the cover of, like, every erotic movie made, even those in which he does not appear. Plus he is Australian, and his deeply voiced accent is to die for! Yet of his 157-film oeuvre, he has appeared on only four DVD covers–Immortal Desire, Homo Erectus (in which he plays a caveman), The Fuckingdales and Reverse Gang Bang–in which he has one big ol’ sex scene with 10 women. And where was I on casting day?

He did appear in a starring vehicle, Sex Part One, in which he shows some real acting chops while portraying an actor trying to make it in Hollywood. But without knowing this, I walked right by the movie the first time I saw it at an adult video store, because (shocker) he did not appear on the cover. And he was the star. Any semblance of sense, this does not make.

With his looks and acting skill, Gerry Pike should have been the male Jenna Jameson–or, at the very least, the subject of his own spotlight DVDs. And if he had been female, he surely would have been.

I had much better luck with my second big crush and all-time fave, Jean Val Jean. A sweet, beautiful man with whom I had the pleasure of conversing during my time at PlaygirlTV. Playgirl had the good sense to showcase this stunner in a number of showcase titles–and on a number of classy box covers; as did several other studios that produced couples fare. Ah, but alas; Playgirl is gone, and Jean has retired–though he is now enjoying a fruitful mainstream career in movies and TV.

Along the same lines–has anyone heard of Damian Duke? This beautiful blond British dynamo appeared in specialty titles in the early 2000s. Arriving on the scene in his early 20s, Duke happily submitted to many a dominatrix in a number of his films. In others, he performed alongside BBW women and older ladies, always showing them the utmost respect and investing true passion in his performances. He retired much too quickly for the Feminist Sexpert’s taste–but perhaps with more money and acclaim, he would have stayed.

We find a most interesting case in Ryan Ryder, the Scottish pantomime actor who was fired from a production of Cinderella, where he was portraying Prince Charming, when it was discovered that he was making hardcore films.

If Ryder had been a female, a major porn studio would have cast him immediately in a XXX version of Cinderella. Instead the gorgeous Scot hunk appeared at first in motion pictures such as Big Tits in School and College Whores. Now, in a refreshing twist, he was eventually cast in fairy tale porn, playing Peter Pan in an Axel Braun film, and as a sexy superspy in Spyfall and a British lord in Down On Abby. And in 2015 came Ryan Ryder: Stud on Tour. Now that’s more like it!

On another positive note, more and more hot male stars–like my current faves and muses, Nathan Bronson, David Lee and Jay Smooth–are showing sexy photos and clips, along with custom vids, to ardent followers through OnlyFans accounts.

Photo @ https://twitter.com/Nathan_Bronson

Still and all, attractive male actors have yet to reign as stars in straight XXX stars. I have heard a good number of women voice my complaint–others even watch gay porn in an effort to 1. see men 2 see attractive men, even. And indeed, I have heard male talent say that they do gay porn, not because they like having sex with men, but because they make more money and get more attention by doing so.

What’s a woman to do? Well Ladies, for starters….

1. SOS–Support Our Studs. Support their Only Fans, write letters to porn studios requesting your guy’s presence in their films, follow them on social media, buy their pics and customs. For that matter…

2. Buy your porn. If you owned a sandwich shop, you probably wouldn’t appreciate someone just running into your store, grabbing a hot turkey with cheese, and running out the door without paying. How is your stud going to pay for his workout equipment and styling products, if you’re bootlegging his movies? Same difference.

3. Start fan pages for your faves, helping them spread their fame.

4. Write and direct your own films. But that’s a whole other blog…

Down with SES! Up (most literally) with SOS! Support Our Studs!

Valentino: The Man, The Legend, the Fantasy

By

Megan Hussey

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May 29, 2021

Rudolph_Valentino_and_Vilma_Banky_in__The_Sheik__SAYRE_4629-2048x1498 — Wikimedia Commons

“I am merely the canvas on which women paint their dreams.”–Rudolph Valentino

May 6 marks the birthday of a cinema legend–and of the premiere male sex symbol. And 2021 marks the hundredth anniversary of the film that might be considered the first erotic film for women. Would you be shocked to know that there’s a connection between the two?

The world was blessed with Rudolph Valentino May 6, 1895. This Italian wunderkind made 39 films in 12 years, emerging as both a talented actor who spoke volumes with his eyes, movements and expressions, and as the living embodiment of female fantasy. Valentino was a man of many talents–acting, dancing, singing and boxing among them. Yet in this forum we shall focus on the Erotic Milestones of Valentino’s Career:

1. Valentino was the first sex symbol for women. The Saturday Evening Post, Vintage News, and many other news sources credit Valentino as the first male sex symbol. For while many handsome, appealing actors graced the silent screen prior to his arrival in Hollywood, he was the first to smolder on screen–his expressive dark-eyed stares, his sensual moves, his frenzied kisses and passionate embraces promising all of the heavenly sin that one mortal woman could possibly handle. His image provoked passionate responses in female audience members, tempting them to fantasize and enjoy their sexuality. Or, as film professor Miriam Hansen phrased it in a 1986 edition of Film Journal, Valentino’s popularity marked the birth of female spectatorship–the concept that female spectators or filmgoers were regarded as an economically and socially significant entity–and one of the few times in history that feminine desire was closely linked to their spectatorship (https://www.jstor.org/stable/1225080?seq=1). Translation: The ladies wanted that man. Bad.

2. Valentino made the first erotic film for women. Whether playing Armand in Camille or Count Rodrigo in Cobra, Valentino imbued all of his heroes with romance, mystery and infinite charm. Yet it was in his role as the title character in 1921’s The Sheik that Valentino set fire to the screen, bringing a well-read romance novel to screen as he brought women to the theatre in droves. The Sheik contained no explicit scenes, but instead seethes with a hot undercurrent of brazen sensuality, balanced with passionate, life-binding romance. It was roles such as this one that lead Valentino to–in the words of Man’s World India (https://www.mansworldindia.com/culture/features/rudolph-valentino-sex-symbol-hollywood/)–“transform America’s idea of sex and the art of seduction.”

So The Sheik was the first sex movie for women. But was it a feminist statement? Well, yes and no. Yes, in the sense that–for the first time–women were encouraged and empowered to acknowledge their sensual needs, to explore their fantasies, and to claim at last their own form of erotic entertainment. And in the sense that the film’s heroine–Lady Diana Mayo, portrayed by the luminous Agnes Ayres–is strong and spirited in character. A big ol’ hell no, in that the character of the Sheik is at many times forceful and menacing.

Just as we now rediscuss and reassess problematic classics like Gone With the Wind, so must we reconsider The Sheik. And this discussion should include the consideration of the fact that–at the time of the film’s 1921 release–women who as much as contemplated sex were threatened with societal ruination and literal hellfire. This explains the framing story of the film, the presentation of which would NOT be acceptable in a modern production.

Today, however, the lingering images captured from the film involve the gorgeous vision of Valentino in silken robes, delivering sweltering kisses and bonding embraces that literally provoked swooning in female audience members at the time of the film’s release. It’s also important to note that Valentino himself publicly detested the character of the Sheik, and just as openly spoke in admiration of his wife Natacha Rambova, a silver screen pioneer who served the silent screen industry as a producer, set designer, writer, costume designer and actress.

3. Valentino in all likelihood performed the first male striptease. On film, at least. In the short film The Sheik’s Physique, we follow Rudy as he enjoys an afternoon at the beach–changing into his swimsuit in his car before lounging languid on the sands. True, by modern standards we don’t get to see much (he only partially unbuttons his shirt in the car before getting wise to us viewers and dropping a pesky shade that obscures our view of the proceedings–but not before giving us a glimpse of skin and his infamous come hither gleam), and his swimsuit is tight and form-fitting as opposed to revealing; still and all, it’s a classy tease.

4. Valentino was the only male silent film star to inspire erotica and porn. Rudolph Valentino mastered the art of the tease. He only occasionally appeared shirtless, and never performed nude. Yet the intensity of his sensual aura inspired several erotic works, such as the 1988 pornographic feature Rudolph Valentino: American Lover starring Hakan Serbes, and the erotic new wave picture Valentino, starring ballet great Rudolph Nureyev as Valentino. He perfects Valentino’s tango dancing technique and appears fully nude, wearing only the sheik’s headwear–and nothing else–in some scenes. Most Valentino fans have mixed feelings about these films, but I liked them. But then, I would.

5. Valentino even took it upon himself to steal into the opening credits and start seducing his female audience, right off the bat. The opening titles of Blood and Sand, in which Valentino portrays a bullfighter, are projected over the image of a long cape being held by Valentino. You see only his eyes above the cape, as he lures the audience inward, unblinking, with one of those blasted come hither gleams.

Oh, Rudy…thanks for the dreams.

10 New Year’s Resolutions to Make & Break

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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January 2, 2023

You know you want to live your life to your full potential so that you can be happy and healthy. You also want to have the best relationship that will keep getting better. You want to grow together, not apart and the best way to accomplish that is by setting some New Year’s Resolutions that are guaranteed to improve your communication, enhance your romance, increase your intimacy and expand your sexual horizons. But first you have break bad habits that have been keeping you for being happy personally and or in a relationship.

Here are 10 bad habits with some action steps to help you resolve them.

1. Cheating – don’t go to tempting places or get into tempting situations.

2. Smoking – ration yourself to smoke one less every day until you give it up.

3. Drinking – just drink on weekends or special occasions.

4. Drugs – get help from a support group.

5. Food – eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper.

6. Gambling – give the money to charity instead.

7. Abuse – take time out before you say or do something you’ll regret.

8. Laziness – make a list of productive things to do and check them off daily.

9. Clutter – Organize one room at a time.

10. Selfishness – help others by volunteering your time, donating money or personal items to people who have less than you.

What is your bad habit and what is one action step you can take to resolve it?

Here are 10 Relationship Resolutions that will make your relationship even better.

1. Set a Romance Goal – Hold hands, kiss daily, make time for make-out sessions at least 3 times a week and take turns initiation romantic dates such as candlelight dinners or movie night.

2. Set an Intimacy Goal – Listen to each other, be emotionally supportive, share your feelings and make love with eyes open at least 2 times a week.

3. Set a Communication Goal –Ask your partner how you can be a better partner. Praise your partner often, give him or her a compliment every day, listen more, argue less, verbalize appreciation more and criticize less.

4. Set a Collaboration Goal – Spend quality time together by doing things you both enjoy. Learn a new hobby together, take dance classes, Loveology online classes, cooking, yoga, camping, painting, or volunteering for a charity. Take a short vacay for a weekend to the Loveology Retreat for yoga, meditation, hiking and stargazing.

5. Set Habit Changing Goal – Make a pact to help each other lose weight, stop smoking, procrastinating, being messy, lazy, grumpy or any other bad habit where you can support each other to quit.

6. Set Fun Goal – Play indoor and outdoor games like you did when you were a kid. From hide and seek to pillow fighting, be silly and playful to put the fun back into your relationship.

7. Set Intention Goal – Write a couples mission statement and include where you see your relationship in one year. Then frame it in your home as a personal and public reminder of your shared relationship mission.

8. Set Improvement Goal – Change something about yourself to make your relationship even better. For example, make an effort to dress up and greet your partner with a kiss after work, learn how to give a sensual massage or just get a fashion makeover.

9. Set Forgiveness Goal – Let go of past hurts, open up your heart and let love in with a fresh New Year’s start. Write a forgiveness letter to yourself or to someone who has hurt you, but end the letter by writing that you forgive.

10. Set Happiness Goal – Know what makes you happy individually and as a couple. Then live your life to the fullest by doing the things that make you happy, whether it’s eating ice cream, being pampered at a spaor cuddling with your partner.

Be realistic when setting your New Years Relationship Resolutions. The reality is that a consistently successful relationship takes compromise and commitment.

Femme Porn Classics: The History of Feminist Porn

By

Megan Hussey

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June 13, 2021

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but the Feminist Sexpert certainly has. Most of the porn films considered all-time classics are not precisely female friendly. And that is the understatement of the day, the month, the year, the millen…–that’s just a really big understatement!

Let’s take a look at the standing roster of motions pictures considered porn classics:

Behind the Green Door: She gets kidnapped.

Debbie Does Dallas: Teen girls sell their bodies to old, pervy, sleazy men.

Deep Throat: A woman discovers she can only achieve climax by giving bj’s. Really? On a more serious note, star Linda Lovelace lodged assault and abuse allegations against her husband/manager and others involved in the film.

Pretty Peaches: An innocent young woman sustains a head injury and loses her memory. While wandering around looking for help, she is raped repeatedly. This is a comedy.

Water Power: Rape. Torture. Murder. Mayhem. And it’s supposed to be hot.

The Devil and Miss Jones: She dies and goes to hell.

As actress Joan Van Ark said on the brilliant Diane English show Women of the House, on an episode that addressed the treatment of women in Hollywood films, “I’ve played a woman who was stalked, a woman who was raped, a woman who was kidnapped, car-jacked, high-jacked, and sky-jacked. And frankly, I mean, I’m tired!”

“But Feminist Sexpert!” You might be saying at this point. “Everybody knows that feminist porn didn’t exist before Candida Royalle directed her first film in 1985.”

Well there’s a reason that Royalle, who directed 15 femme porn classics before sadly passing away in 2015, is granted the lioness’ share of credit for the inception of the femme porn movement. And that reason is, she friggin’ rocked. From comedies like Stud Hunters to heartfelt romances like My Surrender (one of the few porns that makes me cry every time I watch it, and not out of terror or disgust–“Turn it off!”), this woman was a skillful director who made love stories out of sex stories–in addition to her role as a woman who supported and encouraged other women and minorities in the adult industry. Myself included. Yet to trace the true origins of feminist porn, we must make like the Hot Tub Time Machine peeps and journey back a full decade before the premiere of Candida Royalle’s debut film, Femme. We’re talking BC on the timeline–Before Candida!

In 1972, the first porn film made by and for women debuted on the underground film scene. Goldenrod, the story of a handsome Casanova who learns valuable lessons about how a treat a lady–all while satisfying as many women as humanly possible and then some. “Back in those days, there was a lot of talk about women getting into explicit films and making feminist porn. It was the first time the feminist movement had thought about this,” Webb’s ex-husband, filmmaker Charles Desantos, told The Rialto Report (https://www.therialtoreport.com/2020/11/15/charles-desantos/). “So we decided to make a film from a woman’s perspective, and she directed it and actually used her own name. It turned into quite a thing. It was shot in 16 mm, and it had a feminist angle to it. We called it ‘Goldenrod.’”

In an interview that Webb conducted with The San Francisco Examiner in 1973 (https://www.therialtoreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/RR-The_San_Francisco_Examiner_Sun__Dec_23__1973_.jpg), she described Goldenrod as a moral film that also happened to be arousing. And while lost for years, this one of a kind production is now available in the Dragon Art collection through Something Weird Video.

Ah, but what about lesbian porn? Well the fact is that lesbian sex acts have been recorded for film since the days of black and white stag film loops; yet they never were shot by virtue of the female gaze. This all changed in 1974, when indie filmmaker Barbara Hammer created a work of motion picture art called Dyketactics.

“Hammer’s breakthrough work, Dyketactics (1974), is an experimental film that features more than 100 shots in just over four minutes, with images superimposed on top of one another,” reported Art News. “Hammer often described the work as a depiction of lesbian sex from a lesbian point-of-view and positioned it as filmmaking about women devoid of the ever-present male gaze.” https://www.artnews.com/art-news/news/barbara-hammer-dead-79-12157/ Into the ’80s came a smattering of films made by and for lesbians, with Tiger Rose Distributing releasing titles such as Where There’s Smoke and Fantasy Dancer, and Exotic in Nature; and Fatale Media coming up with gems like Suburban Dykes and BurLEZk (lesbian striptease).

“Fatale Media — the company that released the film in question — was born in 1984 with an explicitly defined mission to “reflect the feminist right for [women’s] control over our bodies, thereby promoting female sexual autonomy,” wrote Marcus Dowling in the article On “Suburban Dykes,” And The Advent of Sublimely Sexy Sexual Awareness. “When a suburban couple explore phone sex and BDSM via an escort service to spice up their sexual experience, that’s well within the scope and range of Fatale’s stated aims.” (https://marcuskdowling.medium.com/on-suburban-dykes-and-the-advent-of-sublimely-sexy-sexual-awareness-6017106c5e0a)

Swinging back over to the other side of the spectrum, we saw our first feminist male porn hunk in 1978. And no, don’t even think I’m going to say John Holmes. For while he was the first household name male porn star, his actions on and off the screen were anything but feminist. No, the gentleman of which I speak is Jesse Chacan, a stunningly gorgeous Native American actor who also reigned as Mr. Nude USA (Question: Do they still host such a competition? And if so, why oh why is the Feminist Sexpert not a judge?) Also notable as the first Native American actor to portray a Native American character in his films, Chacan is known in particular for his star turn in Deep Roots, a 1978 feature renowned for its tender love scenes and its generous shots of Chacan’s flawless body. Chacan’s image is featured prominently in the film’s cover art, and his name appears above the title–virtually unheard of for that time, or for this one for that matter.

This flick also holds the dubious distinction of being one of the few directed by a pretend woman; indeed, credited director Lisa Barr is actually Joseph Bardo. Oh well, this movie still rules; thanks to Jesse, and to Lisa/Joe!

The first video magazine for women was–of course!–Playgirl On the Air, a Playgirl Magazine video series that debuted in 1984. Featuring filmed centerfold shoots, interviews with celebrities such as Mark Harmon and Sybil Danning, and softcore sex scenes shot from a woman’s point of view, the series veers from the adorable (the volumes feature adult cartoons, and one includes a trailer for a filmed Tom Jones concert) to the chic–with a sexy music video displaying music and production values ahead of its time. And if you choose not to fast forward through the interviews to get to the centerfolds, you’ll hear some empowering messages from Sybil Danning about the importance of “sheroes” on the big screen.

The inaugural male stripper tape takes the form of the Chippendales: Tall Dark and Handsome, an entertaining party tape that shows the signature hunks of the Chippendales dance troupe to their very hottest effect. Within a framing story that finds a trio of fun-loving women taking in the show, we see several choreographed striptease routines and fantasy sequences.

A couple of cool trivia facts about this movie: It features Chippendales legend Michael Rapp (the one they always sent out to do talk shows), action star Deron Michael McBee, and XXX porn stud Colt Steele. Comic Maureen Murphy (a popular performer on the Johnny Carson show) and comedy star Judy Landers stand out among the gals. Another factoid: Just about every video store in the ’80s and ’90s featured this title in the adult section–because although it’s not remotely hardcore, the film was the only widely available sexy type tape for women at that time. Out of every single adult section, we generally got one friggin’ tape–and if it wasn’t this, it was the Sean Bean version of Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

The title of the first romance novel committed to adult film is somewhat up for debate. In the late 1980s and early 1990s, director/screenwriter Victoria Arnelle brought a series of filmed romances to the screen, complete with gorgeous covers that likened book jackets and extremely hot male leads. Oh, the women are cute too. And while Arnelle’s work is novel and interesting, with some original plotlines and dialogue, I’m sad to say that each of these titles features themes not at all at home in feminist erotica. We see heroines kidnapped, slapped, and sometimes forgiving of abusive lovers. Also, they break the girl code by messing with attached men–even their own sisters’! Vicky, WTF? Still, we must acknowledge the effort to produce a romantic feature for a female audience.

As far as true literary adaptions, I happily credit the amazing 1993 softcore feature Cabin Fever with being the first feminist romance story realised on film–and beautifully so. Based on an erotic story featured in Lonnie Barbach’s Erotic interludes, Cabin Fever is truly a thing of beauty–and oh so hot. Lonnie Barbach just may have been the original Feminist Sexpert, with her books lauded as having a positive impact on women’s sexual expression. Bringing her words and images to the screen was director Deborah Shames, the first female softcore director. This older woman/younger man love story is both tender and thrilling, sexy and sensitive, and features a gorgeous leading man whose character shines through with uncommon sensitivity.

My absolute, all time favorite softcore series has to be Love Scenes, a collection of four videos geared toward the visualized fulfillment of women’s sexual fantasies. Director Ron Lawson cast Playgirl models, male exotic dancers, and top tier male models alongside strong, glamorous actresses in a host of female-geared fantasies.

This series scored countless good reviews and AVN rewards, and remains pretty much unprecedented. Featured fantasies include a male model seducing a female photographer, a pool boy charming the lady of the house, a dancer ‘auditioning’ for a female director, etc. Each interlude is softly and tastefully shot, with lingering shots of the male body and lots of tender foreplay. Even cooler, the content of Love Scenes was determined by a female review panel.

And speaking of unprecedented–I’ll conclude this with a look at the introductory feature from the Godmother of Femme Porn: Ms. Candida Royalle herself.

Her 1985 debut feature was indeed titled Femme, and contained a series of vignettes capturing the essence of women’s sexual fantasies. A housewife dreams up an encounter with her favorite soap opera star, a woman makes it with two hunks in an art gallery, etc.

Both tasteful and tawdry, this is a beautiful film–and girl, it sure did start something!

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Featured Image: Candida Royalle from Femme Productions.

Run Silent, Run Niche

By

Ralph Greco

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May 15, 2021

I’d venture to guess that there are subsections, off-shoots, niche areas that writers of all genres explore with various levels of success, might see financial gain from, or get mired in. I know mixing genres as I often do—marrying smut with satire, science-fiction with kink—has brought me as much forward momentum as it has rejection. I’d think the further down the rabbit hole a writer explores; whether he or she tickles forth scenes of noir westerns, tries their facility at parody romance, or steps the way many an erotic writer like me has, ever fine-tuning BDSM short fiction; the more one can either find a rabid audience who will gobble up your specific unusual scribblings, as much as a broad population who won’t give a rat’s ass to follow where it is you might be going.

I dare say, though, writing erotica as I do and being involved in the business of, I see many a publisher and reader thoroughly enjoying niche material. Why is this so of naughty in erotica, more than other kinds of writing? And is it actually so? I’m not so sure. I just know lots of my fellow smut writers are very comfortable delving into what is considered niche content.

Defined as a NOUN: “a specialized segment of the market for a particular kink of product or service, as an ADJECTIVE: “denoting or relating to products, services or interests (my emphasis) that appeal to a small, specialized section of the population.” And it just might be because we naked apes can think up a veritable plethora of stuff (and really, have you ever experienced a plethora that wasn’t veritable?) to satisfy our lusts, erotica, the artistic expression of those lusts, is ripe for niche exploration. There is bound to be somebody out there with some of the same sexual interests, or close to them, that you have, no matter how ‘niche’/kinky/non-vanilla they are.

I know that I have made my way very well in niche erotica. For instance, I just placed this story at the House of Denial male chastity retailer (and am working on more for them right now). Chastity is undoubtedly a niche kink, but I found a place for my work at this site, was in fact, prompted to write this story because I followed some instinct to delve a little deeper into teasing, fem dom, a power-play dynamic.

Will writing niche erotica, hell, niche anything, work for you? Who knows? All we can ever do is try. But I can tell you, although there might be a smaller, more specific population for niche content, if you manage to lock-in with people who have a particular penchant for something, you might find yourself a rabid audience who might tickle your coffers.

And really, who doesn’t want their coffers tickled?

Games You Shouldn’t Play

By

Debra Shade

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November 17, 2021

pexels-jonathan-borba-5353559 — Photo by Jonathan Borba from Pexels

You’ve beat the odds and have landed a relationship. Chemistry is there, you’re having long conversations and occasionally when you accidentally touch, sparks fly between you. This is the honeymoon phase of a blossoming relationship. It takes work to build a healthy relationship. A lot of times, we put in the wrong work and wreck our relationships before they even have a chance. Some of us may be afraid when the relationship starts to get too serious. Some of us may even self-sabotage the relationship so that they are “shielding” themselves from hurt.

This is a behavior pattern that you can break. You can stop working harder by playing games that cause issues in the relationship. Games lead to wedges that block growth in a relationship. Folks have literally walked away from each other because of their interpretations of the meaning of the games people play. Instead, take deep breaths and practice a form of communication that makes a person feel powerful; physically, and emotionally. Such power drives the attraction that is between you.

If a person is attracted to you physically and emotionally, there is no need to play games, or this could be your last first kiss. Imagine allowing yourself to be happily involved with this individual as time goes on. You must find a way to keep them interested far, far into the future. Don’t be afraid of this… don’t ruin it with games. They should be doing the same thing. Thus, fulfilling your needs.

For example, be strong and tease them, challenge them and be adventurous about what you do together. If they are smart, argue with them a little but not constantly. Banter can be fun and informative. There is a difference between confrontation/disagreement and jest. Instead of coming of as argumentative, you will appear strong and engaging. In the same vein, you must find that perfect balance with tension in the relationship.

Every relationship has some level of tension. The line between healthy tension and relationship strangulation is the feeling you have in your gut when you interact with the person. Never go slack, keep up banter that solicits positive responses. Don’t do things that are slightly annoying just to get a response. You need to balance tension by drawing out a response you want by doing things that indirectly trigger it. Sexual tension requires a balance as well. Sexually you can go in for a kiss, hover over their lips and then stop, smile and pull away. The unfulfilled connection will raise a person’s arousal levels. Keep them sexually interested in you.

Don’t play bored if you’re not. This is not attractive, and the goal is to build up attraction to create a long-lasting relationship. If you are predictable, you will be perceived as boring and quick. Don’t play games about being engaged or active in the relationship. If you want them to think your boring, for whatever reason, don’t be upset to see the relationship end.

This is the same as control.

Being over controlling is never fun. No one wants to be controlled and if you play games at “dominating” or “controlling” them, you may find yourself alone again. Same as agreeing with everything they say. “What ever you want to do baby.” This gets old quick. Individuals enjoy dating people who have opinions, likes and dislikes and they enjoy learning about you. If you’re trying to keep building attraction, you need to speak up and have your own thoughts and dislikes.

Qualities that make you date worthy are confidence, strength, personality traits, and what kind of relationship you are looking for. By playing games you come off completely the opposite and your mate will most likely lose interest. This includes your ability to maintain basic physical fitness and proper grooming. These things add to your physical attractiveness and what you bring to the table.

To create a connection, you also must consider the psychological attractiveness. If you play mind games, you are breaking a connection before it has a chance to grow into something special. For long-term and emotionally intimacy, your focus should not be on trying to get the person to behave how you want them to, you must be open to allowing them to be themselves and bring their true selves to the relationship. Developing psychological attractiveness involves learning the skills to develop rapport through conversations. Conversations that are forward moving and not stagnant because of things that you are doing to throw a monkey wrench into the mix.