The Art of Pup Play: A Glimpse into the Growing Kink in LGBTQ+ Communities

By

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January 20, 2024

In the vast landscape of evolving kinks, one gaining traction is pup play—a unique form of role play predominantly within LGBTQ+ communities. Similar to the friendly world of furries, where individuals wear furry animal costumes, pup play enthusiasts immerse themselves in a playful mindset inspired by puppy behavior.

Exploring Pup Play: Beyond Fursuits and Fantasy

Pup play is a form of role play that goes beyond the conventions of the BDSM community. Participants, known as “pups” or “handlers,” mentally, physically, and emotionally take on roles resembling playful puppies or responsible guides called “handlers.” Contrary to common misconceptions, pup play isn’t solely focused on sexual pleasure; it’s about embracing a different facet of one’s identity.

Pups and handlers wear distinctive pup play gear, featuring essential items like a pup mask, a collar, knee pads, and a leash. Handlers engage with their pups through playful interactions, involving pup toys, belly rubs, commands, and attention. In return, the pups express their enthusiasm by barking, playfully crawling on their knees and hands, and welcoming further affection from the handlers.

While pup play has been around for a while, it’s still gaining popularity, and those who immerse themselves in it create their unique “pup persona.” This creative exploration allows individuals to step out of their daily routines and embrace a more playful side.

Community and Connection

The pup play community is characterized by openness and friendliness. Individuals connect through community apps, Facebook, and regular events called “moshes,” often held in LGBTQ+ venues. The overarching theme among roleplaying kinks is the desire to escape the monotony of daily life, rekindling the playful spirit many experienced in childhood.

One of Ryan’s pups told us: “I was a very playful and positive kid, but as I grew older, adulthood brought responsibilities like paying bills, pretending to laugh at my bosses’ jokes, and being exposed to sad and depressing news from around the world. However, when I put on my pup gear, I can forget all that for a moment.”

A survey highlighted that pup play is predominantly popular among queer men. This could be attributed to societal expectations that cast men as more dominant figures, perpetuating the pressure to conform to notions of professionalism and maturity. These expectations might prompt individuals to seek relaxation and take a break, and engaging in role-playing can fulfill that need.

So, why is it so popular amongst LGBTQ+ communities, you might ask? Ryan told us that the reason could be that the LGBTQ+ community is known for giving its members the space and freedom and being open-minded. “With so many different kink groups in our community, we seem to be less judgy about how people behave or dress.”

The LGBTQ+ community, known for its inclusive and open-minded nature, provides a welcoming space for those seeking unconventional forms of expression. However, the appeal of pup play isn’t confined to any particular group. Ryan, the owner of PuppyPlayExpert.com, notes a rising interest from women and straight couples, including CEOs, lawyers, and doctors. For them, the puppy play mask becomes a transformative tool, allowing them to shed the stresses of their professional lives and embrace a carefree, playful existence, even if it’s only for a moment.

Pup Play: More Than a Kink, a Community

Although a significant portion of the community views their roleplaying as having a sexual aspect, Ryan underscores that it goes beyond “only” sexual activities. He emphasizes the significance of community and the pure enjoyment of having fun. Whether stepping into the “pup headspace” or releasing real-life worries, the essence of pup play is found in the shared experience. It serves as a testament to the diverse and accepting nature of LGBTQ+ communities, offering individuals a space to explore, connect, and discover freedom in the art of pup play.

If you’re intrigued by pup play, Ryan emphasizes that the community is exceptionally welcoming to beginners. On his website, he provides a guide on how to ease into the world of pup play. Yet, it’s understandable that some may cast curious or perplexed glances when encountering those engaged in pup play activities. Despite potential judgment, a valuable lesson from the pup play community extends beyond personal participation. Even if pup play isn’t your cup of tea, the community teaches us the importance of occasionally stepping back, reconnecting with the simple joy of “enjoying and having fun.” In the midst of our often stressful daily lives, it’s crucial to refocus on ourselves and our natural desire to let loose and enjoy life.

Asking For Consent

By

Erika Jordan

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January 19, 2022

With the me too movement some men have become gun shy and no longer understand clearly what consent entails so today let’s talk about What is consent?

Consent is a voluntary, enthusiastic, and clear agreement between the participants to engage in sexual activity. Period.

There is no room for different views on this. People incapacitated by drugs or alcohol cannot consent. If she’s slurring that she wants to have sex it’s now your job to think for both of you and politely decline. If she can’t walk a straight line or speak a coherent sentence she isn’t capable of agreeing to sex.

If clear, voluntary, coherent, and ongoing consent is not given, it’s sexual assault. There aren’t different rules for people who’ve hooked up before.

Nonconsensual sex is rape.

Consent is clear and unambiguous. Is your partner enthusiastically engaging in sexual activity? Have they given verbal permission for each sexual activity? Then you have clear consent.

Silence is not consent. Never assume you have consent — you should clarify by asking. Once you start kissing your way down her stomach and she freezes don’t assume it’s because she’s impressed with your skills. Look up at her and ask her if she wants you to go down on her.

You should have permission for every activity at every stage of a sexual encounter. It’s also important to note that consent can be removed at any time — after all, people do change their minds! If she’s saying yes, yes, yes and then NO!! The previous yeses are irrelevant.

Failure to recognize that the other person was too impaired to consent is not “drunk sex.” It’s sexual assault.

Consent should be given freely and willingly. Repeatedly asking someone to engage in a sexual act until they eventually say yes is not consent, it’s coercion.

Consent is required for everyone, including people who are in a committed relationship or married. No one is obliged to do anything they don’t want to do. And being in a relationship doesn’t obligate a person to engage in any type of sexual activity.

It’s important to understand that any type of sexual activity without consent, including touching, fondling, kissing, and intercourse, is a form of sexual assault and may be considered a crime.

Both parties should feel comfortable communicating their needs without feeling fearful. If you’re initiating sex, and you become angry, frustrated, or insistent when your partner declines any sexual activity, this is not okay. Reminding her of nice things you’ve done in the past just makes you a dick. And means everything you did was laced with ulterior motives.

Sexual or nonsexual activity that occurs because of fear, guilt, or pressure is coercion — and it’s a form of sexual assault. If you’re engaging in sexual activity and the person declines to go further or seems hesitant, stop for a moment and ask them if they’re comfortable doing that activity or if they want to take a break.

Let them know you don’t want to do anything they don’t feel 100 percent comfortable with, and that there’s no harm in waiting and doing something else.

In any sexual encounter, it’s the responsibility of the person initiating sexual activity to ensure that the other person feels comfortable and safe.

You might worry that asking for consent is going to be a total mood killer, but the alternative — not asking for consent and potentially sexually assaulting someone — is unacceptable.

Consent doesn’t mean having to sit down for a clinical discussion or signing forms! There are ways to ask for consent that aren’t a total buzzkill.

Besides, if you’re comfortable enough to want to get closer, then you should be comfortable enough to ask for consent.

My six week course Playmate Pickup is now available at Playmatepickup.com with personalized

Remembering Playgirl: Entertainment for Women (No, Really!)

By

Megan Hussey

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March 10, 2021

By Megan Hussey, The Feminist Sexpert

As we celebrate Women’s History Month in March (Happy Women’s History Month by the way—huzzah!), we also pause to remember those who time has forgotten—those women who, whether individually or as a group, have been omitted from history books and deleted from popular culture.

I know something about those women, and women’s groups—because I’m one of them.

I’m Megan Hussey, Feminist Sexpert at Sexpert.Com, erotica author, journalist and feminist activist. And in the early 2000s, I was the leader of the Playgirl Posse, Playgirl’s fan club.

Upon reading this information, some readers may have done such a swift double take that they now suffer from whiplash. Sorry about that! This is because, at least once every few months, I read online that Playgirl was a gay magazine read only by gay men. Oh, and for good measure, they say all of the models were gay too.

I have nothing against gay people or gay porn. What I do have something against is the total cultural erasure of Playgirl’s initial mission and female readership. It kinda sucks to be told that one doesn’t exist, ya know?

I was a woman who strongly responded to the message, mission and models of Playgirl, counting it as that single tool that helped get me through lonely nights, bad breakups, and even college! Because aside from being a feminist since birth (I often joke that I came out of the womb with the sole intention of overthrowing the patriarchy by preschool), I just really loved seeing hot men with little to no clothes. And how.

As a magazine, Playgirl was created in the early ‘70s for women as a feminist response to Playboy–and for most of its run, the magazine’s readership was split down the middle between gay men and straight women. Aside from centerfolds that were romantically shot, far less graphically than those featured in gay beefcake magazines, Playgirl magazine featured erotic fantasies and photo layouts featuring female/male couples, interviews with female celebrities, articles about issues like feminism, women in the workplace, dating violence, and reviews of erotic books and films.

The PlaygirlTV hardcore DVDs, introduced in the early 2000s, showed heterosexual couples and showcased male stars like Jean Val Jean, Evan Stone, Niko, Marcus London, etc. And the PlaygirlTV cable/video on demand service showed these same scenes online and on cable.

I first read about Playgirl on a pop culture message board. Immediately I thrust a defiant fist in the air and issued a Sally-like (“I’ll have what she’s having”) cry of “Yesss!!!”

OK, so—during college, I actually created a model channel guide for a PlaygirlTV channel—that’s how freakin’ badly I wanted, no needed PlaygirlTV. So when I wrote to the Playgirl marketing department to congratulate them profusely on the realization of a women’s erotic network, I made an immediate friend in the wonderful Heda Eisenberg, marketing specialist for Playgirl.

Soon they brought me on as a spokeswoman and as the head of the Playgirl fan club, the Playgirl Posse. I became a Playgirl writer and was suddenly corresponding with people like world-renowned sexpert Jayme Waxman and legendary femme porn director Candida Royalle. I had a Playgirl column and blog, and was on the programming review board for PlaygirlTV.

The Playgirl Posse was 95 percent female and featured members such as Heth Mares, the female marketing manager of Wicked Pictures, sexperts/adult models like Tara Tainton and Sassy Vee (host of the “Sex with Sassy” show), Amy Co Accessories owner and Vegas party planner Amy Miller, renowned adult journalist Cyndi Loftus, many erotica authors and publishers, adult commentators like short filmmaker Jana Cleveland, sex toy expert Stephanie S., and female adult film critics Ravyn Riccio and Mistress Liss. We also boasted grandmas, nurses, homemakers, breast cancer survivors, adult toy saleswomen, strippers, and career women. Selena Kitt, whose book “Babysitting the Baumgartners” was made into a movie by Adam and Eve, was a Posse girl.

The Playgirl Posse were ladies on a mission; representing Playgirl at the AVN show one weekend and at the Playgirl male revue show plenty of weekends. We flowed through the doors of adult video and bookstores, demanding more Playgirl. I wrote fiery letters to news outlets who claimed that Playgirl wasn’t really for women, because women just weren’t visual. This despite the fact that handsome hunks are used to sell everything from romance novels to soap operas intended solely for a female audience. And I lived every gal’s dream, receiving a birthday phone call from adult video actor/PlaygirlTV star Jean Val Jean, my big crush. He was a total sweetheart who sang me “Happy Birthday” in French and sent me a swoonworthy autographed picture—one I treasure to this day.

Our club did include a handful of gay men, also straight men who wanted to model for Playgirl. And yes, many of the men who posed for Playgirl were indeed straight.

Towards the end of Playgirl’s history, the direction of the magazine changed to acknowledge more of its gay male audience—steering away from the Posse in the process. Even before then, I was stung when Tina Fey, one of my idols, joked on Saturday Night Live that “PlaygirlTV was the channel made for women, but watched by gay men.”

Really, Tina? Well, let me let ya in on a little secret. The gals of the Playgirl Posse were the same women who buy tickets to your movies and comedy shows, in an effort to stand by you and other strong women. They stood by me when my first erotic book was published, and when my father passed away. And I made sure to honor them when they got jobs and degrees, when they married and had children, when they needed a listening ear.

We are women, and boy, did we roar. Or should I say—Playgirl, did we roar.

Playgirl closed its pages as a print magazine in 2016, but relaunched again in 2020. It is still available at Playgirl.com.

Huge Historic Dildo Found!

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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June 13, 2023

Apparently large penis size was in style in the 18th Century!

Polish archeologists excavating a latrine on the grounds of a site believed to be a former swordsmanship school discovered a very well-preserved leather dildo among the historic debris.

I don’t know about you, but I see a connection here between all those swords and the leather phallus. After all, in Tantra the penis is called the Lingam – a ‘sword of light.’ The Lingam goes into the Yoni, which is the ‘sacred space’ – a lot more poetic than putting a ‘dick in a pussy,’ don’t you think?

The leather phallus itself is a whopping eight inches long, with plenty of girth, as you can plainly see from the photo. The Daily Mail is reporting that a spokesperson for the Regional Office for the Protection of Monuments in Gdansk said the dildo is, “large, thick, filled with bristles, and has a wooden tip.”

The artifact is on its way to be cleaned up and investigated further, but It remains unclear whether the dildo was thrown into the latrine on purpose or not!

Read more in my article A Short History Of Sex Toys!

*photo courtesy of the Regional Office for the Protection of Monuments in Gdansk

Understanding the Cuckold: Why You Want to See Another Guy Screw Your Woman

By

Bobby Morgan

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September 9, 2021

pexels-danielle-reese-2632670 — Photo by Karley Saagi from Pexels

Some fantasies are strange – strange in the sense that they don’t sound logical on the surface. Yet cuckolding is a very common fantasy among men.

Given that several research studies have found that men tend to be more jealous of a partner’s infidelity than women, neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam, authors of A Billion Wicked Thoughts, found that “cuckold” was the second most popular sex-related search term in their data dive of sex-related Internet search terms from heterosexual men.

Search terms don’t lie. So why is it not so strange that a man would want to see another man bang his wife or girlfriend?

One reason is tied into the hotwife fantasy. If other men find a man’s significant other sexually desirable, it satiates his ego and his pride.

A lot of guys get off at the thought or watching their partner having sex with a guy who is more endowed than him. Sometimes it’s about watching his significant other having sex from a perspective he doesn’t have from being a direct participant. It’s like bringing porn to life; his wife or girlfriend is the porn star. Also, a lot of straight, bi and closeted men find big dicks sexually enticing. It’s really not much different from the reasons why women idolize female musicians, actresses and celebrities.

For some guys, cuckoldry is a form of masochism. They revel in the thought of having a man his wife finds more desirable fuck her in a way that he never could.

“Imagine looking at the guy who’s about to go to bed with your wife. Imagine hearing the man crying out in bed with your wife,” says Dr. Paul Pines, who pleasures himself “like a madman” during his cuckold encounters. “The high point of cuckolding is when your wife says she wants the other guy all the time and never wants you. Sally’s body makes it very clear that this is true. It hurts me worse to know this, so it’s better to know. Worst/best of all is watching Sally bond with the other man not only physically but emotionally when she’s masturbating him with her mind.”

Do guys like Dr. Pines have low self-esteem? Not usually, says sex therapist, researcher and Harvard University professor Dr. Justin Lehmiller.

In a survey he conducted about fantasies (cuckoldry was the No. 6 most popular fantasy among survey participants), Dr, Lehmiller says, “This finding (also) suggests the possibility that perhaps guys need to be fairly self-confident in order to share their partners with someone else (i.e., perhaps men are only aroused by the prospect of cuckolding to the extent that they know their partner will not be stolen away).”

Dr. Pines adds that the masochistic bent on cuckoldry requires a high degree of intellect.

“(It’s) truly intellectual in its enterprise because it replaces sexual touch with humiliation and emotional pain, both of which are psychological,” Dr. Pines says. “Most of what gives me physical pleasure has to go on in my brain. I’m totally being classist, but this isn’t like people in redneck bars asking each other, ‘You wanna fuck my wife?’ It’s much more complex. It’s pleasure on a different level.”

Competition gets some guys hard, as well.

“There are so many forms of substitute competition among men in our society, such as sports, that take the place of the real competition inside a woman’s body,” says sex therapist Dr. Susan Block, who operates a phone therapy program for cuckolds to fine-tune their fantasies and strategies.

Tantric Kissing to Re-ignite Passion & Keep the Juices Flowing

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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July 11, 2021

A sexy kiss can be one of the most erotic exchanges between lovers. A kiss is often the first intimate physical contact with a new lover and some people believe they can tell a lot about a person’s lovemaking skills by the way they kiss. Some people can reach orgasm through kissing alone.

Not wanting to be kissed by your lover is a signal of trouble in the relationship. Making kissing a daily ritual will embolden and re-ignite passion in your relationship and keep the juices flowing. There are many different kinds of kisses: slow, quick, deep, wet, hard, soft, breathy, and then there is Tantric kissing. Kiss your lover at least twice a day and experiment with the different kinds of kisses from below.

Tantric Kissing Techniques

Eye brow kissing: Face your lover in Yab Yum position, either ‘Woman On Top’ or man on top, moisten each other’s eyebrows and then lean into each other with brows touching. Touch lips and feel the energy flow from one to the other uniting the two of you into a higher level of consciousness.

Yin Yang kissing: Take turns kissing each other tenderly and then deeply, alternate back to tender and back to deep for 2 minutes. This will create the weaving of the Yin and Yang energy that you and your lover can both experience simultaneously.

Synchronized kissing: Embrace in your favorite lovemaking position with Lingam and Yoni touching, but not inserted. With your lips slightly open and touching, inhale together gently and exhale together, sharing and synchronizing the same breath.

Orgasmic kissing: In a loving face-to-face Maithuna/intercourse position with Lingam inserted into Yoni, lock lips, eye-gaze and take turns inhaling and exhaling alternately. Share the deep level of intimacy and feel your lover’s sexual breath enter your body and spirit.

More Tantric Kissing Tips

1. Build sexual anticipation by kissing all around your lover’s face with soft, baby kisses and use your hands to caress the face, hair or body.

2. Use your nose to nuzzle and your lips to caress to your lover.

3. Tease your lover by tracing the outline of your his or her lips with the tip of your tongue.

4. Now put your heart and body into a slow kiss alternating the pressure from gentle to deep with mouth slightly open.

5. Take your lover’s bottom lip between yours and suck gently. Vocalize some sounds of pleasure.

6. Take turns licking your lover’s upper and lower teeth with your tongue. Then alternate.

7. Wrap your lips around your lover’s tongue and suck passionately alternating your speed from slow to quick.

8. Explore the inside of your lover’s mouth with your tongue by running it in small and large circles. Alternate.

9. Dart your tongue in and out of your lover’s mouth rapidly and then slowly. Remember to use your entire body and make all those wonderful sounds of love.

10. Use hot or cold liquids to create new kissing sensibilities.

A Voice for Every Woman: Equalizing the Adult Industry, at Every Level

By

Megan Hussey

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May 4, 2022

By Megan Hussey, The Feminist Sexpert

Whereas porn once was considered an industry in which women were seen and not heard, today’s adult industry is–like many professions and life in general–a place of change and evolution, and (dare we dream. Ladies?) actual friggin’ progress. Today more and more women are directing, producing and writing adult films, presenting their ideas, their fantasies, their messages for a new and enlightened audience of all genders, races and sexualities. Also out there–and outspoken–are the performers who demand better treatment on set, and who are unafraid to express their ideas and desires in contribution to the creative process.

And then, of course, there are the female writers, editors, publicists and journalists that also make their views and voices known in today’s adult industry–like, for example, The Feminist Sexpert! And in my role as a writer, columnist and commentator, I shall not rest until every single woman working at every level of the industry has a voice and makes it heard. Loudly. And that includes the customer service representatives who sell adult products.

This message came to me loud and clear years ago, when–in a professional capacity as a marketing rep for a leading feminist porn company, and because I wanted to look at some smut–I visited a small adult store in a working class suburban area of Tampa Bay, Florida.

A sole woman was working behind the counter at this store, which–until the moment of the Feminist Sexpert’s momentous entrance–seemed to be drawing a mostly male clientele on the day of my visit. A lovely young woman in her early 20s, the clerk looked on with wary eyes as a man popped his head out of a corner viewing booth and barked, “The film needs changing!”

“Please,” the young woman finished his sentence for him, rolling her eyes heavenward as she trudged forward from behind the counter to change the ever-lovin’ film so Mister could get on with his own private enjoyment.

Once she was free, I asked if she could show me the shop’s selection of erotic books and films for women. Immediately she brightened, and she happily gave me a tour of the corner of the shop custom made for the female porn fan. I told her that I was an industry writer, and she showed great interest and enthusiasm as she asked about my work and projects.

I reciprocated in kind, handing her the microphone as I asked her about how she–herself an industry professional–felt about the movies she sold.

Immediately her features darkened, and she raised a firm finger as she declared, “Some of these guys who make movies, I simply cannot support.”

“Please tell me who,” I urged her, “I’m in the industry, and your opinion matters to me.”

I’m tellin’ ya; at that point, this gal seized the mic, amped up the volume, and made her voice known. And how.

As the unleashed lioness unloaded verbally on certain directors who–in her estimation–abused and degraded women, I took mental note of the names she mentioned; at the same time also noting the facial expressions of the male customers who filled the shop around us.

To sum up, these expressions pretty much ranged from annoyed to out and out petrified.

“My work here is done,” I summarized.

Of course, not all of my interactions with adult customer service reps have revolved around the negative aspects of porn. I remember back to my early days as a fan, getting home from the late shift and dialing up the Adam and Eve customer service line; ordering the prized femme porn that would relieve the stress of a full day’s work.

Nearly 100 percent of the time, the customer service agents with whom I interacted were women–ladies whom I engaged in lively conversations about their favorite adult films and the hunks of the genre. Soon we enjoyed a phone-based slumber party filled with laughter and warmth–and not once did I order any of these lovely ladies to “Change the film!”

More recently, I saw an enlightening YouTube video about how to act in an adult video store. When I shared my favorable response to the comments of the female clerk who appeared in the video, one male viewer advised me me to “Oh, just shut up.”

Aw, Folks, doesn’t he know he’s only encouraging the Feminist Sexpert? Because my work here is far from done.

Megan Hussey

Feminist Sexpert

Sexpert.Com

To journal or not to journal? What’s Your Preference?

By

Ralph Greco

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March 3, 2021

pexels-pixabay-414551 — pexels by pixabay

Here we fall onto another one of those areas I can’t rightly advise you on from any true personal experience. I don’t journal. I don’t on a plane. In the rain. In a house with a mouse. I just don’t.

Do you? Have you never but have been thinking of starting? Have you heard your fellow writers espouse its virtues, friends prompting you, teachers assigning you to get to it for this semester? Maybe, you want to dip your toe into writing for the first time and feel this is a good way to begin?

Sure, get to it, I say.

Why don’t I Journal?

First of all, despite some high-school, and college creative writing teachers indeed assigning journaling to me, non-writers assuming I do it all the time, and plenty of well-intentioned folks giving me journals as gifts (and I’ve received some very nice ones, over the years) I’ve always felt that the writing I do pretty much during most of my day, is all the writing I want to do. I’m not talking about keeping a pad and pen handy at my bedside table, or in the car; I am constantly scribbling down ideas, turns of phrases, snippets of conversations I know might lead me into interesting territories for stories, etc. (and this practice of having pen and paper handy is one I can and do advise).

But the self-reflective ruminations that journals are supposed to pull from you (don’t get on my ass here, I know one can write anything they like into a diary, and I talking about diary-like scribbling here), I feel I’m already slipping that into my fiction, blogs, poems, plays and songs, especially my songs). I’ve always worried that, for me, journaling would lessen the vitality of my ideas or see me puking forth so often in a diary that I’d be too exhausted to write any of these thoughts in my ‘real’ writing.

Pretty much what I have against blogging for oneself or tweeting all day long.

Yes, I know the argument could be made that prompting a steady flow of stream-of-conscience writing keeps one better in touch with one’s emotions. That all writing keeps one’s writing muscles in shape. I can’t argue either point, but none of this is true for me, or more precisely, I am not going to start journaling now when I have never done it, and certainly have enough writing to keep me busy during the hours of the day when I am trying to earn my bread-and-butter money.

For some people, the only writing they ever get to, is what they manage when they journal. And being an old curmudgeon eschewing technology as often as I do, I certainly like the idea of putting pen to paper for whatever reason (I love how it so often shocks people to see me sitting in a Starbucks or some other over-priced too-cool-for-school coffee spot, working furiously on the papers of a manuscript, or actually reading an honest-to-goodness book!)

Really, it’s not for me to tell you to journal or not; if you have read any of this column before, you know by now I would never demand that a writer has to do this or that. Whatever gets you there, short of smoking crack or going out chopping up city sanitary workers, burying them in your basement and then writing what you feel is authentic serial killer short stories, is fine by me. (Actually, if you are smoking crack, that’s fine by me, but leave those city workers alone ok?)

To journal or not to journal, that’s up to you.

5 Ways Women Can Increase Their Sex Drive

By

Goran Radanovic

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October 11, 2021

pexels-gantas-vaičiulėnas-3647016 — Photo by Gantas Vaičiulėnas from Pexels

Low Sex Drive In Women is Common

A low sex drive may be a more popular topic when it comes to men, hence the invention of Viagra, but many women have also experienced a slump in their desire to have sex. Otherwise referred to as libido, a sex drive is the amount of desire a person has for sexual activity.

If you thought that a low sex drive wasn’t a big issue among women, then you might be surprised to find out that between 30% – 40% of women’s most common sexual complaints was a low sex drive.

So, what are some of the ways women can increase their sex drive?

1. Foods and Herbs

The good news is that consuming food and dietary supplements is one of the most effective ways for women to increase their sex drive. One of the key ways to ensure good sexual health is by keeping your circulatory system in the best shape possible. You need to have cardiac health to have stamina, so foods that are good for your heart will be good for your sexual desire.

American Heart Association recommends a diet that includes whole grains and fibre, seafood and nuts, a range of fruits and vegetables, as well as olive and sunflower oil. Some of the fruits and vegetables that help are banana, avocado, strawberries, chasteberry and spinach.

Aphrodisiacs are foods that improve sex drive, with the most prominent one being oysters. The zinc content in oysters is a mineral that the body needs for metabolism and stamina. Oysters contain more zinc than any food per serving, but you can choose alternatives such as lobster, crab, red meat and pine nuts.

Other foods that also help are potatoes and fatty fish. After eating, you can also indulge in sex drive boosters such as dark chocolate, coffee and red wine. Some of the dietary supplements that have proved to be effective are ArginMax and Zestra.

2. Exercise

We all know that exercise is good for our general health, but it has a huge impact on our sex drive. The best thing about exercise is that it helps to reduce stress levels, which is one of the reasons women suffer from a low sex drive. Engaging in regular exercise such as aerobics and strength training not only improves your body image and mood, but it also increases your sexual stamina.

Exercise improves your physique and fitness, resulting in higher confidence and desire to express oneself with his or her body. Let’s go into further details about the specifics of the different forms of exercise.

Try yoga. Studies have indicated that yoga improved desire, orgasm, satisfaction and pain in women of all ages but especially those older than 45. Swimming can result in weight loss, leading to improved sexual endurance. Strength training requires the use of weights to make your muscles stronger. Another form of exercise is Kegel, which helps women strengthen vaginal muscles to achieve a powerful orgasm. And, don’t forget about Sexycises!

3. Relationship Improvement

The quality of a woman’s relationship and emotional connection with her partner has a tremendous impact on her sex drive. Factors such as resentment and unresolved relationship issues, as well as power imbalances in the relationship may result in a low desire to engage in sex with your partner.

You need to sort out any issues you’ve got with your partner so that you can open your mind and heart to being intimate with them. Communication will play a pivotal role. Honesty is always the best policy, so telling your partner the way you really feel will be the most effective and efficient manner of resolving issues.

In some cases, a sex therapist might be required to teach you how to communicate with each other. Moreover, a therapist could also help you with sexual techniques to ensure more pleasurable intimacy once you’ve crossed the communication barrier.

4. Sleep Well

It’s not uncommon for a person to be cranky if they haven’t had a good night’s sleep. Not only does it affect their day, but it lowers their desire to have sex. Being sleep deprived also increases one’s stress levels. Getting a good night’s sleep has the opposite effect. It improves a person’s mood, as well as energy levels.

A study conducted in 2015 revealed that women who got a good night’s rest experienced an increase in sexual desire the following day. The study also revealed that women who had longer average sleep times experienced better genital arousal than women with shorter sleep times.

5. Don’t Forget Foreplay

Photo by Diego Rezende from Pexels

A woman is more likely to have a desire for sex if she’s had good experiences. For most women, that requires foreplay. Ladies, don’t be afraid to tell your man that he needs to step up his foreplay game if he wants you to be in the mood more often.

Foreplay means different things to women, but some of the most common practices are kissing, touching, using sex toys and oral sex. It is much more important for women than men to engage in foreplay before having sex. Research conducted in 2017 revealed that only 18.4% of women achieved orgasm from intercourse alone, while 36.6% said that they needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Foreplay is one of the main ways women can increase their sex drive.

This article was originally published here: https://eroticalust.com/5-ways-women-can-increase-their-sex-drive/

Men and Women Are Different: How to Communicate About Sex

By

Erika Jordan

-

November 27, 2020

Men and women are so different they seem to come from different planets. Or at least that is what John Grey the author of the New York Times best seller, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus claims. Embracing and accepting our differences will help us maintain healthy relationships.

But what does this mean? Men are able to focus on narrow issues while blocking out unrelated information and distractions. Women naturally see everyday things from a broader, “big-picture” vantage point. We can all recall walking by a couple where the woman is chatting away and guy is seemingly staring into space. The man might really care for her but just can’t tune in to all the mind numbing details. Men prefer to get to the point quickly instead of walking around the point in circles.

Instead of getting into the complex mind of a female, I will simply point out five major points. That if employed will help you communicate much better with women.

1: I don’t know, what do you want to do? We all hate this question but it is one that is asked quite often. When she asks you a question, it is best to always have an answer. Even if you have no preference where to eat just say the first place that pops into your mind. Always having an answer sets a tone and creates a pattern that has her seeing you as the solution man and a man who cares. Don’t pretend to know more than you do. A lie is visible from space. I will look into that is a viable answer. I have heard many times that a woman’s favorite three words is some form of “I’ve got this”.

2: Communication not interrogation. You have heard people say if you get her talking about herself she will feel like she is having a good time and connecting with you. This is true but it doesn’t mean interrogate her. Asking her a steady stream of questions makes her feel like you are genuinely interested in her. Contribute to the conversation and make sure you relate to her and evoke emotion. Make sure that you ask open ended questions that require more than one word as a response and can turn into a conversation. “What do you like about living in Los Angeles?”

3: Learning to drive a woman. If you want something to change in the relationship it is going to require time. Take time as you sit together, cook together, eat together, travel together to voice your dissatisfaction with certain aspects of the relationship. Just do it in a calm fashion. Tone of voice is about half of the communication so pay attention to your tone. Reassure her that you are happy (if you are) with the overall relationship. You just want one or two things to change. When she has the mic be an active listener, don’t look around or just sit there, and don’t say “uh uh” every few seconds. Watch her body language, tone and proceed like they taught us in drivers ed. IPDE. Identify, predict, decide and execute.

4: No unnecessary apology. Most women I know think a man comes off as a wimp when he starts every sentence off with “I’m sorry.” Don’t apologize for not agreeing with her. Don’t apologize for wanting to watch the game (unless it’s during her grandmothers funeral). Not only will you over-use “sorry” but it will not have the same impact when you really mean it.

5: Don’t argue with crazy. When I say “Don’t argue with crazy.” I mean that to a woman, she’s not being crazy at the moment. Even though every other person on this earth would clearly side with your opinion. They are what they are and you attempting to rationalize or solve the problem isn’t always the right thing to do. If she starts crying during a cat commercial because the cat is “just so fluffy,” the smart thing to do is simply put your arm around her and attempt to put yourself in her shoes. Is she suffering from PMS, did her cat just die, or did she forget to take her meds? Regardless of where she is on the crazy scale the right way to deal with something you see is illogical or “crazy” is to sympathize with it and bring some humor into the situation if possible to lighten the mood.

Since much of communication is listening time to review the previous post from Erika Jordan, How To Listen To A Woman.

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