So, you’ve just had a baby. Congratulations! But what about your relationship and sex life?

Many new mothers lose their libido after pregnancy. This is an incredibly common problem that can leave both partners feeling isolated and alone, and it can significantly impact your love life.

But there’s good news: intimacy and communication are essential to keeping your relationship healthy and strong. And if you’re willing to do the work, you can get your sex life back on track again.

I was in the same boat after my third pregnancy. My daughter changed my sex drive.

I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s true. She didn’t do it intentionally, but the fact remains that a spark went out for me after giving birth and stayed that way for over six months. Was it her fault?… kind of, but not exactly. But it was like someone suddenly pulled the plug on the emotional and physical connection I felt with my partner, all in one instance.

If you, too, experienced this, then know that you’re not alone. Losing your sex drive after pregnancy is common. Here are 7 reasons your baby may have changed your sex drive:

1) You have a new baby, life is crazy busy, and you’re worn out. Life with a new baby is a whirlwind of activity, and you’re finding yourself exhausted on top of it all. You don’t have time to do much of anything other than taking care of the baby, which means your energy (and libido) levels are low. You’re tired even when the baby is sleeping, when they’re playing in the bouncy chair, or crawling around the house. You can barely think about anything besides mommying, let alone imagine intimacy or being sexy again.

2) Your body has changed.

When you get pregnant, your body changes in a lot of ways. You’ll gain weight, and some will be in places where you don’t usually carry extra weight. You might notice that all these changes make you self-conscious about how others see you, especially if the way others see you is through the lens of their own desire for intimacy with another human being.

3) You’re exhausted, and you’re not getting enough sleep.

The importance of sleep is well-documented. Researchers at Harvard found that getting enough sleep can increase your brain power and make you more productive, while those who don’t get enough sleep are more likely to be depressed and have poor concentration. In short, a lot is riding on getting adequate shut-eye—and it’s worth noting that one study showed that for every night of lost sleep, your libido will drop by an average of 10%.

What does this mean for you? If you’re exhausted from caring for a newborn baby and aren’t getting any extra rest because the little one wakes up every hour (or two), then it’s likely that your sex drive has also taken a hit. Of course, there are other factors at play here—your mood may also suffer if you’re feeling overwhelmed or frustrated with all the changes in your life—but lack of sleep tends to be high on the list when it comes to libidinal adjustment after giving birth.

4) Your hormones are all over the place.

Hormones are one of the key factors that drive your libido. They can be affected by sleep, stress, and nutrition, and when you’re pregnant or breastfeeding, hormones change even more drastically. Menopause is another time when hormone levels fluctuate wildly, and medications like birth control pills can also affect them.

So if you’re having trouble getting in the mood with your partner, it might not be because of some deep-seated emotional issue—it could just be that your hormones are out of whack!

Let’s be honest: It’s common for new moms to struggle with their sex lives after childbirth. You’ve got a lot on your plate, physically and emotionally, and you’re probably feeling anxious about whether or not you’re doing a good job as a mother. Sometimes, this stress can leave little room in your brain for things like “sex” and “desire.” Even if you’re in the mood, so many things need to be done that it might seem like there’s no time left in the day—and getting intimate with your partner just doesn’t seem worth it.

You’re not alone. Millions of new moms are in the same boat as you. Be honest with yourself about what’s going on (and what’s not), and talk openly about it with your partner. If it turns out that your low libido is more than just temporary, ask for help from your doctor, therapist, or a sex coach who specializes in helping women find their way back to intimacy after childbirth.

What is date night? Has date night been around forever, and we just decided to give it a title or has date night morphed into a real thing? Dating isn’t something we do just at the beginning of relationships, it’s something we do throughout the lifespan of our relationships. Date night can’t just be a pizza run, there must be excitement, anticipation, and something a little naughty.  There is a technique or an artform to putting together a sexy date night that can benefit both partners. Date night is a real thing!

Date night is usually a planned activity where a couple creates time to spend exclusively with one another. When a couple first meets, dating serves as a way for two people to get to know one another and decide if they want to continue spending time together.  Established couples, single and committed, or married, use date nights to set aside time to enjoy each other’s company (sans children), without the daily interruptions from work and other activities.  The anticipation can be high.

Preparing for date night is important. Regardless of which person is planning it, creating a mood is essential, especially if one is attempting to create a sexy evening that leads to sensual adventure later. The theme of the night is important. Whether the outing will include a gourmet meal, a fun sporting event, an exciting live concert, or a night of friendly competition at the miniature golf course, thorough planning is of the utmost importance. Once the first activity of the night is planned and confirmed, the follow through, how we’re going to end the evening, must be considered.  Will we need a specific toy or lubricants? One site that comes to mind to secure these needs is https://www.sextoysupply.com.

It’s great to continue to date your partner or spouse. Dating, and behaving in a manner that keeps a spark in the relationship promotes intimacy and longevity.  Committing to having planned date nights also shows a level of commitment to doing what’s necessary to maintain the health of the relationship. You’re also building lasting memories with one another and a loving bond.

As busy as our lives can be nowadays, sometimes we even need to schedule “sexy time”. Date nights are idea for planned sex. Every other concern has been cared for. The kids are away, all distractions have been removed and you and your partner can indulge in whatever brings you pleasure.  A sexy piece of lingerie, a ball gag or a feathery  at “Wholesale sex toys” flog can inspire a new move or remove inhibitions enough to try that new position you read about.

One definite benefit from planned date nights is the great communication dynamic that can develop and continue. When we’re in long term relationships, we can get in a rut from the weight of daily responsibilities and obligations. Conversations tend to be limited to only discussing what is necessary. The date night can be an outlet to be able to rekindle the bond that was built over time. Having great conversations with your partner can revive feelings of warmth, trust, and love. Finding a game that encourages intimacy, “adult sex toys” and open communication can encourage those feelings and help you two keep things fun and fresh.

So, yes! Date night is a real thing! It’s a real activity that can help you enhance your relationship in a number of ways that will result in positive outcomes, fun activities, and lasting memories for you and your partner!

Kymbra’s Closet

“105 Fun Date Night Ideas to Inspire Romance”, by Daniel Hall for the Knot, Update May 5, 2022

“Five Reasons Why Date Night Is Important – 25 Suggestions” by Daniel Dashnaw, 5/13/19

1.  Communication

Communication is the key ingredient for a consistently successful relationship. Compliments are the bedrock of romance, so give your partner at least one compliment each day. We can communicate compliments by writing a love letter or a compliment on a piece of paper that your partner will find in their car, in their pocket or on their pillow. But my favorite way to communicate compliments is to make a video of yourself telling your partner all the things that you love about them.

2.  Chemistry

Enhance your chemical attraction by finding areas of mutual interest and share desires. If you both like to dance, maybe that’s how you met, make sure you get out and dance once a week.  If you like to hike, make sure you get outdoors. If you like to paint, do it together. Foster the areas of your life where there is good chemistry. What about doing couples Yoga to boost your intimacy and maintain your chemistry. I’m giving away my Sexycises video if you are interested in connecting with your partner, mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually. https://www.avacadell.com/products/

3.  Curiosity

One of the most powerful ways to keep a relationship fresh is to treat it with a constant sense of curiosity. Be curious about his or her day. Be curious about new and exciting facets of your partner’s personality and share your turn ons and turn offs. Always be curious about the next step in your relationship as curiosity keeps the juices flowing and the chemistry exciting, so ask, “Tell me something I don’t know about you?” and see what you can learn from your partner’s answer.

4.  Collaboration

View everything that happens in your life with your partner as collaboration so that there is a sense of togetherness even when you’re alone. Make a wish list of the things that you have always wanted to do together such as learning to Tango or Learning about Tantric Sex. Create a Bucket List together and collaborate on which ones you want to prioritize so that you can make plans, whether it’s to travel or remodel your home, this is a great way to work as a team. One of my favorite collaborations for couples is to go on a retreat together where you can boost emotional intimacy. So, if that’s on your bucket list, check out the upcoming events at  www.LoveologyRetreat.com

5.  Creativity

Try new things out. Take turns being responsible for bringing creativity into all areas of your life. Use your creativity for your date night.  Take turns designing the date night. Instead of doing things that are predictable, explore something new to get your creative juices flowing from writing poetry, painting pictures, sculpturing, cooking, to learning how to strip for each other, playing sexy games, using pleasure products, sex and food or just making out in a new location.

6.  Consideration

Do one thing for each other that is a considerate act, even if that’s making the bed, or clearing the dishes, picking up the kids, running a bubble bath, or giving your partner a foot massage without expecting anything in return. This will open the door to feeling more appreciated and validated, which can enhance your love life.  The best way to be considerate is to put yourself in your partners shoes and better understand their emotional and physical needs.

7.  Contribution

One of the most important aspects of being a couple is a sense of having a mission together. When a couple has the feeling there is a strong sense of moral purpose at the core of their relationship, the couple has more reasons to make the relationship work, and there is much more of a grounded spiritual nature. This is as important in the life of a couple as sexuality. Write a couples Mission Statement that includes your values and goals, then place it in a prominent place so that you can see it every day.

8.  Commitment

Review commitments you have made in your life, especially towards each other. Don’t wait for Valentine’s Day to show your commitment by doing

something romantic. Why not renew your vows now? Share two vows that you and your partner are prepared to keep for the next month, such as giving each other a massage once a week or making love at least twice a week. I suggest writing down your vows and then displaying them somewhere that you will see them every day. I put mine in the bathroom.

9.  Copulation

Practice “conscious copulation” in which the idea is not to have an orgasm, but to enjoy the journey as much as the destination by being 100% present and mindful while you make love. Copulate at different times, in different positions and locations to keep your love life spontaneous and exciting. Incorporate some erotic talk, oral copulation and power play dynamics for added more sizzle to your sex life.

10. Celebration

Couples who have a sense of celebration about their own lives and about their relationship don’t just survive, they thrive.  Celebration is a life attitude, it’s not something you just go and do.  It’s a way to approach life, and as a couple we need more and more opportunities for celebration.  Find ways to celebrate, and you will find more reasons to stay together, and you will see each other in new and exciting ways.

Celebration implies play, a playful nature.  A playful nature in a relationship will keep it fresh, young and exciting.

From its inception in 1973 to the publication of its final print issues in the mid-2000s, the Playgirl brand stood as one of the first media empires to appeal and cater to the sexual woman; supplying a bounty of male centerfold layouts, erotic stories, articles centered around women’s issues, and, ultimately, women’s porn films and male revues as well.

Well Ladies, the Feminist Sexpert (a onetime Playgirl writer and fan club president herself) is thrilled to announce that Playgirl is back. And so, fates be thanked, is the Playgirl centerfold. And while the gorgeous blond Ari does indeed serve as a stunning face (and, well, body) for Playgirl Plus, the newly launched adult interest and lifestyle destination for women, he has the heart and mind to match.

The June Man of the Month, Ari is featured in a high definition video and photo set that takes the viewer on a virtual date with a sculpted, gloriously tatted badboy, shooting him on his motorcycle and playing in the waters of a sparkling aqua pool. See preview footage free of charge at www.playgirlplus.com, then join the PG paysite to see his full online pictorial and video.

“I’m honored to be a part of Playgirl,” he said. “I’m a sex positive person, I believe in and support sex work, and I hate the way that people are shamed for enjoying their sexuality.”

“Playgirl,” he said, “is a judgment-free zone.”

Having previously modelled for clients as diverse as motorcycle clothing and gear dealers to major candy bar companies, this kind, well-spoken and strongly presented gentleman welcomed the opportunity to pose for Playgirl.

“When I looked up the site, I saw beautiful photography and talented photographers and models,” he said. “I knew this is something I wanted to be a part of.”

Yet for Ari, his involvement in Playgirl goes far beyond the visceral. A onetime submissive for a girlfriend into BDSM domination, this man lives and loves to please.

“I see the beauty in all women. A woman is majestic, a goddess, no matter what she looks like,” he said. “I see my involvement with Playgirl as another way to serve women.”

Outside the sensual realm, Ari is a onetime mental health specialist and martial arts specialist who loves cycling, travelling and sports. He is an Insta model who wants to continue posing for a variety of brands, including additional work with Playgirl. And (brace yourself, Ladies!), he hopes to appear in classy, high quality adult film productions as well.
For now, we can gaze upon all things Ari, and other sublime men of the month, at www.playgirlplus.com.

“Come join me at Playgirl Plus,” he said, “This is your safe place, to be who you are regardless of age or weight, You’re perfect the way you are!”