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Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults

Sexpert.com has the Best Sex Education Articles for Adults from an expert line up of certified sex experts.

Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.

Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.

Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.

Explore sexpert articles from our top sex educators.

Latest

How To Last Longer in Bed for Him

By
Angela Watson
-

Men have tried for thousands of years to best refine the art of lasting long enough for all involved to have as satisfying a sexual experience as possible. Some for selfish reasons, others to match the status quo expected of them, and some to make a better shared experience between them and their partner. It’s such a pressing issue that there’s even a multi-million dollar industry fueling a lot of anxieties and peddling quick fixes with miscellaneous chemicals or botanicals.

Sure, there are a few things you can take to ensure proper functioning of your sexual organs.

That doesn’t mean every $60 bottle of specially blended ratios of those ingredients do any better than your average drugstore supplement with the same ingredients for a fraction of the price.

Let’s go over some of the most relevant ways you can actually start lasting longer without any mumbo-jumbo getting in the way.

5 Tips/Methods To Last Longer In Bed

#1. Build & Break Tension As Needed

It’s easy to conceptualize sex as an on/off kind of thing. When you’re hard and ready to go, it’s time to engage in some rhythmic lovemaking. That’s part of sex without a doubt, but much in the same way that a song has structure with ups and downs, sex is better when it tells a story. Whenever you feel yourself starting to edge into territory where you aren’t confident in your ability to hold back from orgasm you should change up your tempo in a way that you’re giving your partner a varied experience. Slowing down just a bit, making shallow thrusts, as well as thrusting less in general are the physical ways to get the job done. The mental component isn’t to be understated though, time your movements properly and use them to build sexual tension.

#2. The Squeeze Method

A common home remedy so to speak for the issue of premature ejaculation is a quick squeeze to the bottom of the glans of the penis. It pushes blood out of the glans which decreases overall sexual stimulation felt at that time. It’s best used proactively to reduce your level of pleasure instead of relied on as a last resort. It’s not a magic bullet, you should see if you can give it a shot solo to see if it’s biofeedback that you actually respond well to. I felt the need to include this method since it is the least complex way to actually last longer. Just be aware that your mileage may vary.

#3. Other Sex Moves Are Your Friend

Foreplay does a lot for both partners physically and mentally. For you, it gives you the opportunity to use your fingers and your mouth to pleasure your partner. It of course counts as time in bed and many people report being able to last longer after taking some time to get more in sync with their partner before jumping into things. Nothing is stopping you from using these moves typically reserved for foreplay in the middle of the action. You’re able to quickly take a break at any point you want to try your hand in some oral or digital sex. Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach climax anyways, they’ll be appreciative of you understanding that penetration isn’t the only dish and you get some time to cool off a bit.

#4. Practice Training Your Sexual Stamina

Believe it or not, you can actually train yourself to last longer during sex through masturbation. For many men, a big part of the reason they ejaculate quickly during sex is because their penis isn’t used to being stimulated. By masturbating on a regular basis, you’re able to train your sexual stamina so that when you have intercourse, you won’t be so quick to ejaculate.

There’s various sex toys available from companies like Fleshlight such as the Fleshlight STU (Stamina Training Unit) which according to reviews, works well for training sexual stamina. The toy was designed specifically for the purpose of training yourself to last longer in bed.

#5. Train Your Mind

It’s kind of a cliche thing to say, yet I can’t help but mention that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone in the body. If you can learn to control your levels of desire as well as how you process your pleasure you can extend your time spent enjoying sex considerably.

In conjunction with squeezing your kegel muscles (the same ones you use to stop urinating mid-stream) the right amount of mental fortitude can keep you going for some time. It takes time to cultivate this kind of control, it requires an ability to listen to your body and then place yourself into the frame of mind where you can exploit a desire to not ejaculate. It isn’t directly thinking about not ejaculating, I’d say it’s more akin to learning how to control your heart rate, just with your penis instead of your heart.

Here are a few more tips from Sex Coach Psalm Isadora for Mindvalley TV.

Final Words Of Advice

It’s a noble pursuit to want to last longer in bed. Sex is an inextricable part of the human experience. We’re wired to seek it out, it feels good, it allows us to connect with people we love; you’re not the first person to be in this situation by any means. Lasting longer in bed is about mastering your mental and physical conceptualization of sex and learning to go with the flow instead of fighting the current. Of course, the flow can be changed and modified to your liking, just always remember this isn’t necessarily mind over matter. It’s harmony between the two.

The Pleasure of the Perineum

By
Tamara Bell
-
Photo by Omid Armin

The perineum is a frequently forgotten pleasure spot. We regularly target other areas of the body that are considered erogenous zones, but the perineum isn’t considered a “go to” location. The perineum and perineal massage can be sources of immense pleasure. Practicing specific touch techniques for perineal massage can add measured doses of enjoyment as well as health benefits.

The perineum, also known as the “taint” or “gooch”, is located between the genitals and the anus. On males, the perineum goes from the back of the scrotum to the anus. On females the perineum goes from the back of the opening of the vagina to the anus. The perineum isn’t on the usual list of suspects when it comes to foreplay and massage.  Perineum massage during foreplay, oral sex or intercourse, can provide an additional level of stimulation that may or may not have been experienced by the receiver.

Techniques for perineal massage

The perineum is loaded with nerve endings which makes this an idea spot for stimulation and resulting pleasure. Because of these nerve endings, one must massage or stroke the perineum with care, using a lighter touch until determining the amount of pressure the receiver prefers. For males and females, the perineum can be:

  • Stroked gently with one or two fingers
  • Lightly tickled/tapped with fingertips
  • Massaged with fingers
  • Pressed with the knee or butt of the hand
  • Licked
  • Stimulated with a sextoy e.g., bullet

Perineal massage can occur during foreplay, oral sex or intercourse. In some cases, perineal massage of males during intercourse can lengthen the amount of time he maintains an erection. Using lighter and heavier strokes can enhance an erection or encourage ejaculation. 

Using perineal massage with the fingers or a sextoy on a female or male while performing cunnilingus or fellatio respectively can heighten pleasure and provide multiple points of stimulation. 

Tapping or tickling the perineum provides a heightened level of stimulation when the tapping or tickling is done rhythmically. 

Firmly and steadily applying pressure to the perineum with the knee requires skill and a slow-motion movement to ensure that the knee is properly positioned just on the perineal area.

When performing perineal massage, be aware that this is a delicate area that can be susceptible to becoming raw.  A lubricant should be used.

 

Perineal massage is beneficial for pregnant women

Perineal massage is also beneficial for women who are about to give birth. Initiating perineal massage in the weeks prior to delivery can help to make the tissues the baby will stretch more pliable during vaginal births. This can prevent bruising and tearing thus, making recovery from giving birth a little easier. 

The perineum attaches to the muscles that support the reproductive organs, bowels, and bladder — the pelvic floor. Damage to the perineum during childbirth can cause issues with the pelvic floor, such as urinary or fecal incontinence, uterine prolapse, or sexual discomfort.

Benefits of perineal massage during pregnancy

  • May increase blood circulation and help the skin to stretch more easily resulting in less pain during childbirth
  • Decrease risk of tearing which can prevent the need for stitches or lower the number of stitches needed

Women should refer to their healthcare providers to discuss perineal massage during labor.  In a recent review of studies by the National Library of Medicine, researchers discovered that women who received massage during the second stage of labor (during and between pushing) had a lower risk of third-and fourth-degree tears.

Some experts suggest beginning massage once or twice a week sometime between weeks 34 and 36 in the pregnancy. Some sources say massage may be repeated every day or every other day in five-minute increments. As with many things in pregnancy, recommendations differ and may be individual.

The pleasures and benefits of perineal massage run the gamut from extending pure pleasure and enjoyable stimulation to providing helpful preventative measures during childbirth. The forgotten and underutilized perineum should be celebrated and stimulated. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Perineum, Kinkly.com 8/3/2020

How to Do a Perineal Massage During Pregnancy, Healthline.com, Medically reviewed by Meredith Wallis, MS, APRN, CNM, IBCLC – Written by Ashley Marcin, 12/19/2019

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmwh.12427

National Library of Medicine

Oxford University Hospitals

 

What’s Your Sexual Personality?

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
-

One of my life goals is to help couples discover their compatibilities in order to enrich their sex lives. In my decades-long private practice, I’ve helped many people who didn’t know how to relate to each other, mostly because they were speaking their own language instead of learning the language of their partner. So I developed a unique sexual personality to enhance a much more fulfilling love life mentally, physically and sexually.

This work is what inspired me to start my ongoing research project on sexual compatibility which has reached over 2,500 participants since 2015. Please take a moment to take my anonymous survey here. We don’t collect IP addresses or e-mails – it’s completely private so that individuals feel free to express their true feelings. Plus, it’s fun to answer the questions and think about your own preferences and desires! I encourage you to add to this valuable study.

Here are some of the questions in the survey that are answered on a rating scale, to give you an idea of how we’re trying to categorize behavior to come up with compatibility solutions:

  1. How important is it that your long-term partner is good in bed?
  2. Do you like to plan your sexual activity?
  3. How do you express love?
  4. How much do you enjoy the following acts? Erotic embrace while dressed, deep kissing, stroking your sexual partner’s genitals, giving or receiving oral sex, favorite intercourse positions, anal sex.

The study is based on psychology’s well-established ‘Big Five’ personality traits called OCEAN (Open, Conscientious, Extroverted, Agreeable, Neurotic) which began with the research of D. W. Fiske (1949) and was continued by other researchers including Norman (1967), Smith (1967), Goldberg (1981), and McCrae & Costa (1987).

Here are some brief descriptions of the five sexual personalities I created based on the ‘Big Five’ psychological personality types. Read them all and see what jumps out at you as familiar or not ‘you’ at all.  Find yourself and your partner in these personality types, and choose more than one if you like! It’s all about figuring out who you are and how to successfully communicate with others. There are more detailed descriptions in my free e-book Your Sexual Personality: Find and Keep Your Perfect Match.

OCEAN Sexual Personalities

Open

If you have an Open personality, you are creative and outgoing sexually. You feel comfortable giving the kind of love you would like to receive and are more likely to have adventurous fantasies like threesomes, domination or exhibitionism.

Conscientious

Conscientious lovers are the most mindful, and pay attention with all of their five senses. If you’re sexually conscientious, you are more likely to believe that relationships can be “worked on” to achieve compatibility. You require a higher level of trust before becoming intimate with someone, and are more likely to be turned off by the idea of someone else finding your partner sexy.

Extroverted

Sex with an Extroverted person is energetic and exciting as they enjoy risky sex locales and erotic communication. If you are an extrovert sexually, you’re more likely to be the one who initiates sex and more likely to enjoy sex acts others may consider taboo, like group sex or BDSM.

Agreeable

Agreeable personalities in bed are passionate and loveable with lots of enthusiasm to please their lover. If you’re an Agreeable lover, you are the most likely of all the personalities to be turned on by taking a romantic bath, dancing or sharing meals, and are more likely to express your love through compliments.

Neurotic

Neurotic lovers can be the wildest sexually or the least sexual, depending upon their mood, as they are highly emotional and sensitive. If you are considered a Neurotic sexual personality, you are significantly less willing to talk about your desires and you have difficulty expressing your love. You are less likely to be the one who says, “I love you” first in a relationship.

Did you recognize yourself? Many people find they are a combination of personalities, with some traits from one type and others from another. So what can we do with this information? My e-book also gives you lots of sexy tips for each personality type, but here are a few at-a-glance ideas you can use at home today to spice up your sex life.

If You Are Sexually Open…

Feed your sexual appetite and increase intimacy with new sexual activities you haven’t tried, whether it’s Tantric sex or sensual BDSM power play. Striptease is also a great option for you since you have fewer inhibitions. Even if your partner is not as open as you are, they might enjoy the show! For some Open couples, inviting a third into the mix can also be an appealing idea. Sexually Open and Agreeable people are most compatible because both types are able to give the kind of sex that they need for satisfaction.

If You Are Sexually Conscientious…

Build romance with a bubble bath after a stressful day, followed by an erotic massage or mutual masturbation to promote sexual health and wellbeing. Add erotic talk for orgasmic intensity! As a sexually Conscientious person, you might enjoy taking sexy selfies and sending them to your lover in a ‘for your eyes only’ message that gives them a thrill and makes you feel valued and loved. A Conscientious lover with another Conscientious or an Agreeable lover offers the most compatibility because they are both more likely to express their feelings.

If You Are Sexually Extroverted…

You find it easy to talk about your sex fantasies, especially to another Extrovert, or an Open person, who are your best sex matches. Since you are more likely to make the first move initiating sex, be sure to find out your lover’s boundaries on any unexplored erotic desires you want to explore. You are more likely to enjoy a game of strip poker or be on board to discover his P-spot or her G-spot during sex. Role-playing games may also excite you, for example pretending to be strangers at a bar, and going home together as if you’ve never met!

If You Are Sexually Agreeable…

As the most flexible lover of all the personalities, work on getting your sexual needs met by stating your desires through dirty talk. As you’re likely turned on by erotic visuals, ask your lover to do a striptease and masturbate for your voyeuristic pleasure before having sex.

As an Agreeable, you can create a sex match with anyone – even a Neurotic lover can fall in love or lust with you. Try giving or receiving an erotic massage with a happy ending.

If You Are Sexually Neurotic…

For great sexual experiences, focus your attention on pleasing your lover before yourself. And before sex, have a date that involves laughter such as watching a funny movie or going to a comedy club, as this will access parts of your brain that will help you to relax before sex. Masturbation is a surefire winner for your personality type, and you can work on letting that extend into your sexual relationship as mutual masturbation. Sexually Neurotic people are most compatible with Agreeable personalities.

No matter which sexual personality type or combination of types describe you and your partner, have fun exploring your compatibilities together. And remember, every couple can learn from each other, whether the compatibility test says you’re a good match or not. If you have chemistry, you can train each other to express love in the way that you both want and need for a fulfilling relationship. Just taking the test and reading the e-book will make you feel more empowered with the knowledge that communication is something you can improve.

Are You What You Eat? Foods That Make You Taste Better

By
Tamara Bell
-

We’ve all heard it said that we are what we eat and if that’s accurate then we should taste like those foods we’re consuming. There are a number of reasons why our genitals taste the way they do: sweat, hormones, clothing, and hygiene are all contributing factors along with our diets. Semen, which is made up of several chemicals and proteins, is known for having a salty yet sweet flavor. It has also been recommended by many experts that changing/modifying diets is more effective for changing the taste of semen than it is for changing the taste of vaginal secretions. But vagina owners can still benefit from the changes in diet.

Here’s a suggested list of foods to eat to make your genitals a little tastier:

Fresh fruits

Pineapple, peaches, watermelon, strawberries and grapes. Cranberries are also known to be good for keeping female PH levels in balance which can prevent vaginal odors.

Veggies

Celery can also change the taste of your genitals.

Foods That Make You Taste Less Appetizing

Just as there are foods that make you tastier, there are those that can make your genitals less appetizing: Onions of any variety can alter the flavor of genitals in a not so pleasant way. Garlic is also on the list. Cabbage or any strongly flavored food can affect your taste.

The next time you’re in the mood for oral delights, start with a delicious meal filled with foods that will enhance the experience! Enjoy!

Source (partial): Chiara Laurie, Kymbra’s Closet

A Dating Guide for Asian Singles

By
Jyotsna Ramani
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image from pixabay

The increasing popularity of online dating apps clearly indicates modern society. However, with the busy lifestyle of Asian singles, it becomes challenging to meet and connect with the right match as per your suitability and requirement.

These online dating sites allow members to register and create an exciting profile, leaving no stone unturned in making yourself presentable to grab the attention of all other members. 

An Asian dating app lists the profiles created by other users and facilitates developing connections with other listed members to see if they suit your preference. 

In addition, with the growing trend of online dating apps, people have the option to explore this technologically advanced, user-friendly online platform instead of traditional dating methods to meet other members. 

Now they can simply get on to their phones and match effortlessly to discover the compatible quotient. First, however, you must follow the suggestions below while creating your online dating profile to enhance your chances of attracting the most matches and see if the cupid strikes. 

Create a balance between confidence and humbleness.

You have to be self-assured and confident in your own skin. While you can share the good things about yourself, don’t go overboard by bragging or being overly cocky. 

Humble yourself and don’t overdo it because that will just make you appear arrogant. There is a need to create a great balance that has been proven successful time and time again.

Be clear and specific.

Don’t be shy — tell the world what you want. Though it may seem scary, being honest about what you want in a partner is essential for finding the right person for you. 

If you also think it’s helpful to state a few things that are deal-breakers — like smoking or drinking or having kids already — go ahead and do that, too. After all, people deserve to know what they’re getting into from the jump.

While it’s essential to be specific in what you seek in a match, avoid making demands or being too picky. For example, if you’re looking for someone tall and athletic who’s also a dog lover and enjoys yoga but doesn’t want someone who smokes and isn’t religious, your list is too long, specific, and demanding.

Don’t ignore Spelling and Grammar.

People’s attention span is minimal nowadays, and thus we have to grab their attention as soon as possible. So when somebody opens your profile, the first thing he will notice is your profile bio. 

So make sure you write an appealing profile comprising grammatically correct sentences, no spelling errors, and everything should blend well together to create an impression that you know what you’re talking about.

Uploaded images. 

If you are looking to attract a potential partner, it is vital to put your best foot forward. This means that you need to create an attractive and eye-catching profile picture. It will also help if the photos featured in your online dating profile accurately depict who you are as a person.

Don’t upload over-the-top, vulgar images that don’t exhibit your personality traits. Apart from the above guideline, your photographs must be of the best possible quality and should not be blurry or over the top. Never use photoshop to enhance a picture, as this will send red flags to the other person regarding your true intentions.

Use humor.

Your profile is the first place you’ll be able to quickly and succinctly tell people about yourself. Use it to share a funny anecdote or tidbit about your past or give context for the type of person you are now. Don’t be afraid to go off-topic—humor can help set you apart from serious profiles that all seem the same.



What Is Love?

By
Tiffany Wharton
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Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

According to Merriam-Webster.com, there are many definitions to what love is.

  • Love is a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.
  • Love is an attraction based on sexual desire and tenderness felt by lovers.
  • Love is devotion based on admiration, benevolence (disposition to do good), or common interests. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of solicitude towards a person.
  • Love refers to a feeling of strong attraction and emotions.

The emotions can be positive and negative. Love can mean trust, commitment, overwhelming feelings, joy, admiration, enjoyment and more. Love is powerful, genuine, exciting, passionate, healing, valuable, and intense.

There are 5 Love Languages:

Words of Affirmation

  • Words of Affirmation are words of praise and appreciation to express love.

Physical Touch

  • Physical Touch is ways of showing love through touch.

Acts of Service

  • Acts of Service is love expressed through actions rather than words.

Receiving Gifts

  • Receiving Gifts is love being expressed by giving gifts.

Quality Time

  • Quality Time is spending time together and given attention to them.

There are quizzes online to help determine which one is your love language. Discovering your love language with your partner is a great for your relationship. If you each know what your love language is, your partner can take the time learning about you and using your love language in your relationship.

If your love language is quality time, your partner will know how important their attention and time is to you. Intimacy together is quality time spent together to express love and appreciation.

Love consists of friendship, trust, respect, passion, and communication. Without love our world would not go round. We all experience love as a part of our lives whether it’s a person or material items. Unfortunately, material items cannot love us in return. We work hard for what we want and love the things we have. It’s important to appreciate the simple things in life.

We should always love and put ourselves first. Loving on ourselves first helps us to learn how to love others in our lives. Taking the time to experience love with yourselves, tells us how we deserve to be loved. We learn how special we are and what we are worth.

When we are in love, we release oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin.  Oxytocin is a feel-good brain chemical that helps you bond emotionally with others. Oxytocin reduces stress and increases trust. It is also associated with dopamine and serotonin. Serotonin stabilizes your mood as well as feelings of happiness. Dopamine plays a role in your increasing pleasure, motivation, learning and imprinting memories.

These neurotransmitters are usually referred to as “happy hormones”. When we’re attracted to and/or care about someone, the three work together. Our brain releases dopamine, our serotonin levels increase, and oxytocin is produced. When we’re in love, all these neurotransmitters make us feel happy and loved.

What is Not Love?

  • Love is not dishonesty, a weapon, sex, lust, obsession, jealously, or possession.
  • Love should never be used to force someone to do something they don’t want to do.
  • It should never be used as a weapon against someone.
  • Someone being jealous or controlling is never love.
  • Always know what love is and is not to you.

What is lust?

The definition of lust is having an intense desire for another person. When someone is in lust, it can be confused as love. Lust stems from physical attraction and sexual chemistry. When couples combine love and lust together, there is a combination of emotional and physical chemistry. They can experience capability and enrich their lives together. 

Love is experienced from our loved ones, friends, and even strangers we just met. To experience love daily, creates happiness and many emotions for you to share to show to others. Learn to love yourself first before you learn to love others.

Tiffany Wharton, Tiffany’s Exotic Treasures

Websites used:

https://www.psycom.net/oxytocin

https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-serotonin-5189485

https://www.loveuniv.com

Aged Out

By
Ralph Greco
-

Photo by michael schaffler on Unsplash

 

You just might find, having the good fortune of steely DNA or coming to apply the exact prescribed medications in the correct manner, that you live long enough to become obsolete. It’s pretty much happened to me. Just tickling into 60 as I am as I write this, I surely feel I do not fit into how the world presently spins, see no value in what present culture deems important, and pretty much eschew technology to the point where I am exhibiting the values of a modern-day Luddite as the days progress.

 

This is fine; the out-with-the-old-in-with-the-new is supposed to happen from generation to generation. I have become one of those, “Hey, you kids get your bikes off my lawn,” curmudgeons, where very little new has much meaning to me, and how I have done things for so very long has been all but deemed archaic. I get it; to everything, there is a season and all that.

 

The problem here is that I do not have infinite monetary resources. Not that I’d give up writing or music-making, but you best believe I wouldn’t pursue my career in any marketable way if I didn’t need to make money. So, trying to still do what I do (and believe me, I feel the dwindling of my faculties every day, so I have no idea how long I will be able to keep doing what I do) becomes infinitely harder in a world I truly no longer understand. But it’s less the blisteringly fast changes of technology that stupefy me (I don’t self-flagellate over concepts and technology I did not grow up with, although they do piss me off!) as being aged out in how work works these days.

 

Best I can, I deliver the work I can in the best way I know how, keeping my head down. I won’t answer an ad for writing I do not do (social media posts, grant writing, or ‘pharma’), knowing I will never be able to just pick up the knowledge of those subjects as I go along. I won’t engage an employer looking for me to have a strong social media footprint, which I do not (a fact I revel in). More often than not, I refuse to review books (something I am paid to do from time to time) if that book can only be sent to me in PDF form, as I already read way too much sitting at my computer. And if I can help it, I avoid communicating via Zoom, Skype and text if someone agrees to get on the phone with me, or if they are close to my area and can meet me for a cup of coffee.

 

Does the above keep me from work? Certainly, but I can’t do my job the best way I can making all too many concessions on the above. Although I have and do, they kill my spirit every time I try to fit in and in the end, I’ll produce less, in quantity and quality, than I am capable of.

 

Let me give you get another example from my writing life and something that illustrates well another of my modern work ethic pet peeves…how nobody is communicating all that well when, in this day and age especially, we can communicate the best we ever have.

 

I work for one of the better-known adult websites in existence. I love the writing I do for them and am quite fond of the people I do it for, from my immediate boss contact to the other editors who come to me from time to time, giving me extra work, to the main boss. They are all nice people, honest and forthwith, when I can get them to be so forth…with…it. Herein lies the problem. As with many other modern businesses, hell with many other people I have found these days (and this is certainly a generational thing), there seems to be an aversion these days to answering a direct question. Or not following up over something some asks me to do, I do it, and then they don’t confirm if they got the thing and it was done to their specifications. 

 

What should I just assume? Everything’s ok if I don’t hear from you?

 

I don’t need you to tickle my taint with constant ‘job well dones.’ (I tickle my taint daily with the new Remco ‘Taint Tickler and Bass Catcher’ thank you very much) But, when you come back to me a week later and tell me this or that copy isn’t working for you, well a.) don’t be surprised that I am surprised b.) don’t expect me to drop everything to get on what you should have got on, or at least told me about. a week ago. 

 

If you hire me to do a job and I have a question about that job, why not hit me back as quickly as you can (yes, I know you’re busy setting the world on fire with your new dildo and bass catching machine), but when you have the ability of being able to communicate from anywhere at any time, but find it more important to watch a TikTok video about a bunch of dogs jumping into a lake or you think spending time on Twitter is going to actually increase your nescient business, over a writer asking you what SEO keywords you’d like him to use in your web copy, web copy you keep badgering that writer to deliver, maybe you should prioritize a little. 

 

Or at least drop me a line within a few days.

 

But I am hoping for responses, considering the world as it used to be, not as it is. I am forever confused by a remote job situation where you have me working six set hours a day but don’t mind wasting money paying me for working maybe all of two hours of that time. I don’t understand working by committee, where one set person can’t ever make a final decision. I am stymied by the fact that I am stigmatized when I choose not to indicate a pronoun in my byline or a job application. I can’t understand why…

 

Yeah yeah, yeah, I’m just old, I know. I should just shut up, pull up my blanket after enjoying another ‘Early Bird’ special. Hey, I think there is a Matlock repeat on. Got to go!

Body Piercing For Pleasure

By
Tamara Bell
-

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Body piercing for pleasure has become common practice. Before piercing, consider the hygiene rules and health risks associated with piercing.

Piercing Cleansing & Precautions

Getting a body piercing in an unusual area such as your tongue, the head of your penis or your nipples requires some care. There may be a small amount of bleeding for 1 to 3 days following a piercing, especially male piercings. You shouldn’t participate in any fluid exchange in the area for 2 months (longer — up to a year — if you plan on doing deep tissue piercing) in order to avoid infection and allow the area to heal properly. The use of condoms and dental dams are a necessity during the healing period, which can last anywhere from a two weeks to months. It’s important to use condoms with larger receptacle ends (the space at the tip of the condom) during genital contact and oral sex to prevent the pierced area from getting infected, and to accommodate jewelry. As with all body piercings, swimming pools and hot tubs should be avoided for at least 2-4 weeks post piercing.

Always keep the area clean (even after it’s healed) by using an antiseptic product and be responsible. Genital piercings need to be cleaned twice a day with a diluted saline solution and soap and water, as well as after sexual activity. If you notice that the area is infected or constantly sore, then don’t engage in any form of sexual contact until it heals. Gentle sexual activity can be resumed when the piercing site is no longer sensitive.

Choosing An Expert

It is not recommended that anyone practice self-piercing, and needles should never be shared under any circumstances. It is possible to spread bacterial skin infections, and other infections like herpes, HIV, Hepatitis B and C, through improper piercing practices. Look for an experienced practitioner with professional training and ask if they follow the Infection Control Guidelines for body piercing.

Practitioners must always wash their hands before wearing latex-gloves and handling equipment and use new needles that have been sterilized for each treatment. Piercing guns with fixed parts should never be used because the components that make contact with the body are not disposable. Medical needles are the standard method for genital and body piercing. Reputable practitioners will post healing times for each technique.

Before the genital area is pierced it should be treated with an antiseptic, just like a piercing anywhere else. This prevents any bacteria or viruses present on the skin from entering the body and causing infection at the site of the piercing. The skin is kept taut, sometimes with the use of surgical forceps, and a needle is passed through the tissue. The jewelry is then pushed through the opening. A heavier gauge of jewelry is used for genital piercing than is used for other body piercings, since genital tissue can be easily stretched or torn by the use of thinner wires. When jewelry is removed, genital piercings tend to close very quickly. If jewelry is removed for longer than a brief period of time, it is recommended that a temporary spacer (i.e. non-metallic sterile tubing or suture) be used to ensure that the piercing does not close.

The Tongue

 Usually, people who pierce and have sexual experiences with vagina owners, pierce their tongues in order to enhance cunnilingus. Their piercing is done near the front of the tongue, whereas vagina owners who pierce their tongues get the piercing further back on their tongues. And obviously, licking their clitoris with a ball of steel attached to your salivating tongue will likely serve to enhance their pleasure.

Lick the vagina as you would even if you weren’t pierced. But if you want to add a little something to the experience, freeze the ring first by placing an ice cube or a curiously strong mint in your mouth beforehand. The heat from your tongue blended with the contrast of the cold ring will make their clitoris feel amazing.

As well, besides licking the clitoris and its vaginal neighbor, you can use your tongue to lick them all over as you would anyway. Lick the nipples, the neck, lips, and even anus… there’s no telling what good things might come of this.

People performing fellatio should perform it as usual but use the piercing to deeply explore the rim of the urethra, frenulum, and coronal areas of the penis. Apply pressure with the piercing on these areas for pleasurable stimulation.

The Penis

There are quite a few piercing varieties available for penis owners to engage in when it comes to their genitalia. Here are a few:

  • Ampallang: Consists of a Titanium barbell stud (size varies depending on preference) placed horizontally through the glans (head of the penis). Results in the head remaining extremely firm during sex, and because the barbells hit the vaginal walls during sex, it enhances her pleasure. Unfortunately, it takes approximately 12 months to heal completely.
  • Dydoe: Usually done in pairs, it consists of Titanium barbell studs being pierced through the Corona (ridge of the penis head). Believed to enhance sexual pleasure for both partners.
  • Frenum: Piercing occurs along the length of the penis rather than side to side. The loose skin is pierced, thus not causing intense pain as with the other two. Takes approximately 2 months to heal.
  • Prince Albert: Most popular piercing out there to date. Consists of a bead ring (circular barbell) being pierced into the urethra. Takes about 2 months to heal.
  • Guiche: Consists of having the base of the scrotum pierced through the perineum with a circular barbell. Prone to infection because most penis owners tend to sweat in this particular area, which aggravates infection. Healing time depends on the individual.

As for condoms, since the jewelry is polished (no sharp edges), there’s no chance that it will tear the latex. Just make sure there’s adequate lube.

The Clitoris & Labia

When it comes to vagina owners, it’s usually the clitoral hood that gets pierced rather than the actual clitoris or any other area of the genitalia for that matter; the procedure is less complicated and therefore safer. Contrary to popular belief, many piercers will not pierce the clitoris because of its sensitivity and delicate clustered nerves. It can take anywhere up to 3 months to heal after the initial piercing. As well, vertical hood piercing is much easier than the horizontal variety.

While every vagina owner’s story differs, the general belief is that clitoral piercing heightens sexual pleasure a great deal. In some cases, just going for a walk might result in an orgasm for some of these lucky piercers.

When a clitoris owner is penetrated by a penis, the rubbing of the ring against the clitoris while they rhythmically go back and forth will provide heightened sensations. And yes, this one’s for the vagina owner’s pleasure only.

  • The Christina: Also known as the Venus, is a piercing under the pubic mound (mons veneris). This piercing also requires specific anatomic criteria, and therefore cannot be performed on all vagina owners due to anatomical variations. This piercing is usually performed with a surface bar or curved barbell. Jewelry is often customized for the individual client, since no two Christina piercings or pubic mounds are exactly alike.
  • The Fourchette: Fourchette piercings are not commonly performed, because very few vagina owners have the anatomical structure needed for this piercing. A fourchette piercing is a piercing of a flap of skin at the back of the vulva that few vulva owners have. It’s a primarily aesthetic piercing, rather than a sexually stimulating one. It generally takes 8-12 weeks to heal.

Nipple Piercing

Nipple piercing is probably one of the most popular amongst all those who pierce. Nipple piercing can be done to draw attention to the nipples as sometimes they can be neglected during foreplay and sex. Nipple piercing can also be done to help maintain the nipples in an erect stance permanently. Then again, there are those who simply enjoy the painful pleasure associated with getting pierced (ahh, endorphins). Many people find nipple piercings to be highly erotic.

General Information About Complications & Side Effects

Studies show no reported increase in pregnancy or delivery related problems among women with genital piercings. People who have penises with Prince Albert piercings may experience some problems with urinary flow and aim since the jewelry passes through the urethra. Some penis owners with this piercing prefer to sit down while urinating. Issues such as impotence and sterility are not associated with genital piercings. More than half (65%) of people with female genitalia and almost half (47%) of people with male genitalia, with genital piercings report no complications at all. The most frequently reported complications are related to urinary flow for those with penises and hypersensitivity of the piercing site for those with vaginas. However, with the proper piercing techniques and attention to hygienic aftercare, there should be little health concern associated with genital piercings.

Copyright 2022

Sources: “Kenya: Three Weird Ways Men Are Decorating Their Penis …”

Sexuality & U.ca, askmen.com, piercingmodels.com, piercingpleasures.com, Kymbra’s Closet

Sex & Intimacy Holidates for the Month of May

By
Syreeta Brown
-

Hello To All My Sensual Beings,

Every month, it is my goal to bring you sex and intimacy tips to spice up your intimate life.  I will reiterate that sex and intimacy are two very different things. They are delicious when paired but are not the same. Learning how to intentionally restore, recharge, and or resume your intimate life is empowering. Many of these activities can be done with or without a partner. Intimacy with yourself first, will prepare you to be your most free self with a partner.

May Holidates

  • Masturbation Month
  • Mental Health Month
  • 1st Global Love Day
  • Online Romance Day

Masturbation Month

Unfortunately, masturbation is still taboo. There are many conflicting opinions on self-pleasure.

Here are a few common myths:

  • Masturbation is a sin.
  • Masturbation has no health benefits.
  • People shouldn’t masturbate if they’re in a relationship.
  • Masturbation can make you go blind.
  • Masturbation is dirty.
  • Masturbation must end in orgasm/ejaculation.

I know that I am about to piss some of you off, but here goes. I am cognizant and sensitive to cultural and spiritual norms but we all must question and understand where our beliefs and traditions come from. Some cultural and spiritual traditions and normss started because one person said it, then hundreds of years later, we are still doing it without question.

As a spiritual woman myself, I researched the topic of masturbation in the bible. I have asked many Pastors and spoken up in many bible studies on this topic. The most common reference used to discount masturbation is the story of Onan, which is a story about “pulling out.” I’m not trying to start shit, but I am telling you to get the facts for yourself. I will delve deeper into this topic in my next book, which focuses on cultural and spiritual norms and barriers to intimacy.

Masturbation is “dirty” is a common saying associated with shame. Masturbating is a personal choice, and do not let anyone shame you sexually. The bottom line, you have a right to believe what you believe, just make sure that your beliefs match your actions.

Masturbation in a relationship– Mutual masturbation can be a great intimacy builder. Sitting down in front of each other, face to face, and genitals almost touching, eye to eye contact can be highly stimulating. Do not knock it unless you have tried it.

Have you ever sat down face to face with a partner with your legs opened and touched yourself? A scrumptious activity is looking straight into your lovers’ goodies. You can watch the arousal on their face while their eyes become glossy. Talk them through it. The true g-spot is the ears. Let your partner know what you’re thinking while watching them, or just be completely silent during eye contact. If you want to have a mutually heightened orgasm, delay your climax/ejaculation. Work each other up to a level of seven or eight, then stop. Watch each other’s breathing. Then start touching yourselves again. You can delay climaxing multiple times if you want. By the time you peak, the pouring will be explosive! (Discussed in detail in December’s Holidates)

Here are some of the possible benefits of masturbation:

  • release of sexual tension
  • stress reduction
  • sleeping better
  • intimacy builder
  • relief of menstrual cramps
  • improved body image
  • body awareness
  • masturbation is safer sex
  • understanding your own body
  • increased sexual satisfaction
  • possible increase in body image and self-esteem
  • increased ability for orgasms

There are conflicting views on whether masturbation has emotional and/or mental risks. Here are my opinions on possible risks:

  • Excessive masturbation-as with most things, be mindful of excessive masturbation that can affect your personal life, relationships, disconnection with a partner, and overall well-being.
  • It is crucial to make sure that whatever you do does not make you feel shame, guilt, and/or embarrassment. Learn the possible benefits and risks and decide for yourself.
  • The bottom line? Make sure that your beliefs and actions match so that you are not in an intimate war with yourself.

Mental Health wellness must be a year-long practice. Mental wellness is a vital ingredient to sexual and intimate well-being. When you are struggling mentally, seek help. Talk to a professional who can support you. Most importantly, keep your partner aware that you are struggling. Partners-be supportive, non-judgmental, and ask your partner what do they need from you? 

This is a perfect opportunity to work on your communication and intimacy. Each week, check in with your partner-not by phone or text. Set aside a time daily, or at least weekly to sit facing your partner and ask questions and listen. Ask your partner “What do you need from me?” “Are you struggling?” “How can I support you?” These questions may seem simple, but sometimes simple is what we need most!

Online Romance/Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) are important to note. There are extra pressures to keep intimacy and manage sex while away from your partner. Online romance can be military, spouses/lovers in different countries/states, or online dating before in-person dating. I am in a marriage that is long distance so I understand the intentional time they require for long-term success.

Setting aside quality time for intentional dates is imperative, especially while apart. Knowing that someone has set aside time for you is a gift. Pick specific days per week so as not to be distracted by your separate lives. Find a quiet room to talk and connect. Do not withhold your struggles or concerns. Allow your partner to show up for you.

The intentional quality time allows your person to have your undivided attention. You can build intimacy by going through daily routines with each other: brushing your teeth, getting dressed for work, shaving, putting on, or removing make-up. These tasks may seem unimportant, but these little routines can build a deep emotional intimacy, especially when are separated hundreds to thousands of miles apart. You will feel like you are a part of each other’s day.

Not all couples engage in phone/video sex, but those that do, use a ring light to have hands-free sexy time. Sex can take some of the stress away from being separated. Set up the ring light and watch each other take a shower, dance, or watch each other self-pleasure. Ring lights are a must-purchase for couples in LDRs. They assist with many of the intimacy and sexual activities for date nights.

Now Go Play!

All of these tips and activities are described in my new book, Sex & Intimacy Holidates: 365 Days To Unscrew Your Intimate Life. A full year of Orgasms, Oral, and Other Tips. There will be additional editions of Sex & Intimacy Holidates including Sex & Intimacy Holidates: Long-Distance Relationships (LDRs), Sex & Intimacy Holidates: Spiritual and Cultural Competencies, and Sex & Intimacy Holidates: Aging, Illness, and Mental Wellness.

Please continue to visit us at sexpert.com to get the latest and greatest on EVERYTHING sex!  You can also get a copy of Sex & Intimacy Holidates on amazon.com.

Coach Syreeta Brown-Lawal,

Certified Love, Relationship & Dating Coach, Sex Educator, H.I.M. Healing Intimacy Movement Facilitator, and Aging Doula

Goodbye Mr. Vachss

By
Ralph Greco
-

On the heels of Anne Rice and Joan Didion dying at the tail end of the year, I learned that another of my favorite writers, Andrew Vachss died, on December 27th. A man who wrote “hardboiled” crime novels, comics, short stories, song lyrics, and plays, Vachss was unique among his penning peers in his professional defense of abused children.

 

Vachss worked as a federal investigator in sexually transmitted diseases, a social-services caseworker, and even directed a maximum-security prison for violent youth. He represented children and youth exclusively in his private law practice and was a founding member of the Legislative Drafting Institute for Child Protection.

 

Of his 33 novels, arguably, the reading public knew Vachss best from his 18-book Burke books (where I first found the man) and his signature look; Vachss’s eye was injured at the age of seven and because of this he wore an eye patch and usually a stern, “I know what you did and I will out you because of it,” look in public life.

 

His books took place in an underbelly world of crime and revenge, with urban mercs enacting vigilantism on a Grand Guignol scale. His wonderful family of characters often hunted down child predators, and well before it became of virtue signaling value, he championed LGBTQ characters by writing them into his stories as much lead characters as anyone else.

 

His books also were heavily peppered with eroticism.

 

Here was a guy who knew how to mix genres while creating fiction that was undeniably his.

 

There was a time; I couldn’t get enough of the guy.

 

Vachss was married to Alice, herself a former sex-crimes prosecutor. She later became Chief of the Special Victims Bureau in Queens, New York, and wrote the nonfiction book Sex Crimes: Ten Years on the Front Lines Prosecuting Rapists and Confronting Their Collaborators, which became a New York Times Notable Book of the Year. 

 

“When people tell me a warm, caring volunteer can ‘represent’ a kid, I tell them that the next time they need a root canal, go to a volunteer,” the man famously said.

 

Andress Vachss lived what he preached and wrote outstanding fiction from it.

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