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Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults

Sexpert.com has the Best Sex Education Articles for Adults from an expert line up of certified sex experts.

Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.

Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.

Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.

Explore sexpert articles from our top sex educators.

How to Pick the Right Vibrator for You

Your friend recommended a vibrator once.  You bought it, but it did nothing for you and for the price you paid you felt like it was a huge waste of money that could have been better spent on a night out. Except you keep hearing people talk about their favorite vibes and you just wish you had one that you loved too. Unfortunately, the market is saturated with so many options they all blend together.  Where do you even start??

Well, I can’t guarantee there won’t still be some trial and error, but here are some tips to help you better understand what you’re looking at.

  1. How versatile do you want it to be?

There are toys for just about any body part you can imagine, so that’s an easy place to start your quest. Do you want it for solo play or partnered sex or both? Do you want it to stimulate the clitoris, penis, labia, perineum, vaginal walls, prostate, g-spot, testicles, nipples, or multiple spots at once? Some toys are simple and versatile like “bullet” vibes which can be handheld against most any sensitive spot and though most should be used externally only (not a trip to the hospital you want to take), if they have a smooth coating that covers the cord as well as the bullet then they may be fun for vaginal use too. Don’t insert anything anally unless it has a wide bumper, so you don’t lose it. Another example of versatility is the Pulse vibe for penises that can even be used while flaccid and for non-penetrative rubbing against a partner’s genitals. And while versatility is nice, sometimes the best toys are ones that are designed for a single job, and they do that job really well.  The Womanizer (yes that’s the name and I wish they had come up with something else) does one thing – it uses pulsing air to create a sensation like intense sucking directly on the glans of the clitoris and after that toy hit the market all other brands scrambled to duplicate it.

  1. High Frequency or Low Frequency?

People assume that power is just high and low and while that’s an important aspect to consider, so is frequency. High frequency vibes flutter fast and mostly provide surface stimulation. If you are very sensitive or like to take your time with a slowly building tease, especially for direct contact with the glans, then high frequency may be your friend. With high frequency, if you press harder, you actually get less stimulation because the vibration is absorbed by the tissues. High frequency vibes may also require less battery power and may only need tiny button batteries. Low frequency vibes give you more of a thudding deep tissue sensation and if you press harder with them, they may resonate through your whole body. The classic Hitachi wand is a great example of low frequency vibration. If you need a lot of stimulation to climax or want to climax multiple times, low frequency is the way to go.

  1. Do you want patterns and pulsation?

While some toys are just power up and power down, others provide a variety of patterns and pulsation settings. When you are giving and taking away stimulation your body doesn’t know what to expect next and it can be fun and exciting to feel the thrill taken away again and again. If you like to make your play time last, patterns can keep the stimulation intense and if you feel your arousal dropping you can just switch to a new pattern and keep going. You may find your climax through the patterns, or when you’re ready to finish the job just flip it to solid vibration and ride it home.

  1. What materials are right for you?

Lots of people pick the material of their toys based on their budget, but there are other important factors to consider. The best materials for sex toys are non-porous. This means they are easy to clean and are less likely to harbor bacteria. Glass and metal are excellent options, but don’t usually vibrate. Silicone is the preferred material for vibes but be careful! There are tons of knock-off brands that claim to be silicone, but I had a friend get a chemical burn from one of those and I promise you, that is NOT a place you want a chemical burn. Other toy materials may actually melt in high heat or direct sunlight or when touching other toys and that is not a fun surprise in your toy box come August. This is where name-brand toys are actually worth the money and buying from a reputable adult store or direct from the manufacturer will reduce your risks. True silicone is soft, opaque, non-porous, and has a melting point of over 700 degrees so it holds its shape and is the best option for any orifice. And don’t forget about texture! Some people enjoy ridges and bumps while others prefer smooth and slick.

  1. Batteries or Rechargeable?

The biggest advantage of battery-operated toys is being able to quickly switch out the batteries if your toy dies on you mid coitus. Of course, this assumes you HAVE extra batteries on hand. If not, you find yourself pilfering your kid’s robot collection or borrowing from the remote control just to finish. Unfortunately, batteries can also leak battery acid and corrode the inside of your toy if you don’t take the batteries out between uses, especially if you use your toys infrequently. Rechargeable toys may require a little forethought to make sure they are fully charged and ready to go, but they usually last a long time, provide more consistent and reliable power, don’t cost anything extra in replacement batteries, and often use a USB charger so you can plug them into your portable backup phone charger rather than leaving them out on your nightstand.

  1. Waterproof for water fun!

Sometimes the only privacy you get is in the shower or bath. In these cases, a waterproof toy is the way to go. If you find a toy that’s fully submersible, then you can lay back in that bath and take your time. Other toys may be fine for the shower or for easy cleaning in the sink but aren’t designed to go underwater. Be sure you know which one you’ve got. Either way if you have kids or roommates and you don’t want to explain the vibe you left sitting next to the shampoo bottle, hang your toy bag on the inside doorknob or block the door with your toy box so you don’t forget to grab your vibe before you walk out.

I hope these tips will help you in your erotic adventures and be sure to pair your vibe with a quality water-based lubricant and try out an enhancement cream or two to make the arousal process easier and the orgasms more intense. Happy shopping!

KINK or FETISH

BDSM sex toys for domination and submission. Whip with handcuffs and bandage for on red silk background

KINK or FETISH

You may have asked yourself this a time or two. What is the difference between a Kink and a Fetish? At its face a fetish is defined as a form of sexual desire of which an item, part of the body, item of clothing, etc. is involved in the play somehow to give increased pleasure that may or may not cause a release. If the object is not used however, the person is likely to release anyway. A Fetish on the other hand is when that object, item of clothing or body part is a necessity to have orgasm. Meaning if they don’t see, feel, hear, touch, or smell the object, they will not be able to release.

Currently the words fetish and kink are used one and the same. Any act that falls outside the “mainstream” norms. A great example is bondage. While the term may overlap, they are drastically different. A fetish is more of a psychological need while kink is more of a preference. The important thing to remember is, all fetishes are kinks but not all kinks are fetishes. It is very individualized and are more widely accepted. Before playing you need to have the consent and safety conversation with your mate{s} about what it is that you are and are not willing to do or experience. This is imperative to keep the scene from turning traumatic.

It might include BDSM, roleplaying or impact play such as spanking and whipping. You might enjoy flogging or nipple claps. All you must do is speak up for yourself and ask for what is going to give you pleasure. Dominatrix and Submissive are apart of the BDSM scene. One doe not become a servant over night and a Dom does not become a Dom overnight. There are schools such as The BDSM Training Academy that can teach you how to excel and become an excellent player, there are also retreats and meet ups where you can learn techniques and skills needed to play safe, provide orgasm and have fun with the experience.

I savagely stand by my heart and mind that fetishes that include harming kids, animals, blood etc. are not forms of play but acts of traumatic distress. You are not on the same level if you enjoy the smell of an orange or to caress a breast while releasing. If you want to be spanked until your cherry red, this is your prerogative but there is a difference between abuse, kink, and fetish. You need to make sure you know where that line is and that you never cross it. Create a safe word or action (in case your mouth is tied) that your partner will understand to mean stop. Some Sexual Behavior experts do agree that fetishes can come from seeing inappropriate sexual behavior in early childhood or from abuse. These fetishes develop in the early life and grow as an individual progresses through life.

Most kinks and fetishes are not a disorder by definition. It all depends on the level of intense lasting distress. You need to adopt the belief that if pleasure is the end goal, it is OK. If you are forcing them to take part in any activity, this is not and will never be OK. You or someone you know should seek professional help if the behavior becomes compulsive, desperate and/or distressed to the level of becoming suicidal.

Of course, some fetishes are harmless. “Adult baby diaper lovers” is a practice by 1,800 men and 140 women according to a recent study. Most of the subjects reported they were “comfortable” with their fetish and saw no problem in practice it. This can be said for individuals who enjoy bondage, discipline or BDSM. If everyone agrees, the chances are no one is getting hurt in a way that is extreme or permanent and everyone.
Know that people can fetishize almost anything. Studies show that body parts such as feet, body features such as obesity, piercings, tattoos and splooshing are some of the top activities. When the fixation is on one body part, this is known as partialism. This involves one body part that is isolated and sexually charged or objectified. Body fluid, body size and hair fetishes are some of the other things that people fetishize. Sometimes clothes worn on the hips and legs such as stockings and skirts are at the top of the list for some. Some like to dress in furry animal costumes or have their partners do it.

Is Sex Really A Selling Point?

There is a preconceived notion that many people have about specific sectors of the adult industry.  For brick and mortars, they constantly contend with the stereotypical idea that the stores are seedy with sticky floors and men walking around in trench coats – not a place for women, the home pleasure parties peddle sex toys, pornography and catering to over-sexed women with unusual desires.   Fortunately, these stereotypes and antiquated perceptions have been dispelled and are continually being eliminated through the creation of beautifully decorated storefronts that promise a sex positive/female positive shopping experience once you enter those doors.

The same holds true for the home pleasure party sector.  Our particular sector has been around for decades, going into women’s homes all over the world, bringing products and promises of better sexual experiences.  Consultants have a specific mission: to book parties – to get into women’s homes and talk about sex and sell products.  Because we have to literally get our feet into our customer’s doors, the pitch of the home party professional has to be a little different than that of the brick and mortar owner, who only has to unlock the door and turn on the “Open” sign to get customers.  Or the internet outlet that utilizes social media to gain business.

So, the question that comes to mind is: Is sex a selling point?

From the invitations to the choices of products to the presentations, displays and games, the home pleasure party has essentially taken the “X” out of sex when it comes to presenting sex toys in customer homes.  This evolution occurred out of necessity – the necessity to book parties – to get in the door.  Our sector learned to soften the message and delivery to make buying sex toys more palatable and justifiable.

The current popularity of the phrase “sexual health and well-being” is one that actually put a phrase to an action that was already happening in the home party sector – we just hadn’t attached a catch phrase to what we were doing.  In any product presentation at a home pleasure party, you’ll hear words, phrases and product descriptions that promote intimacy; encourage more intense orgasms.  You’ll hear presentations that encourage fun couple’s play, self-love and exploration, vaginal health, prostate health.  What you won’t here are those words that are perceived to be on the dirtier side of the sexual spectrum.  Home pleasure party plan consultants encourage and support sexual prowess not sexual predator.

This method wasn’t created because the home party professional thought she was a notch above any other sectors – no.  This method was created in order to get bookings – to make a living selling sex toys to women who needed to be provided with justification for bringing a woman selling sex toys into their homes.  The home party professional had to convince the hostess that she was a trailblazer – ahead of her time – she was bringing her friends into the brave new world of sexual exploration! And still although on a different plane, the home party professional is still convincing her customers that they are goddesses – but sexual health and well-being goddesses now instead of trailblazers.

The home party sector leans toward a softer sell, encouraging conversations about discovering one’s pleasure centers and their boundaries and encouraging play and sharing with a partner (most likely monogamous couples)…but no judgement, it’s all beautiful.  This isn’t a judgement about the home party plan sector or any other sector of the adult industry, just an observation of how the marketing for this particular customer base is slightly different than that of any other sector.

In the home pleasure party sector, 96% of purchases are made by women. One major reason for this is because many home pleasure party plan companies only offer all female parties.  This not only encourages women to be more open about their sexuality it diffuses/takes the edge off the idea of discussing/imagining the sexual tension which intercourse involves.  Focusing on the sexual wellness aspect also ‘gives permission’ to home party goers to feel okay about their individual sexual needs and helps them recognize the need to enhance their sexual activities with their partners thus making purchases that will make the outcome of those experiences more meaningful to advancing the relationship.

For the home pleasure party sector and other sectors of the industry, selling sexual health may make our jobs easier and perhaps even more profitable.  You’re not only providing a product, you’re providing a service.  So think about steps you can take to remove the ‘X’ from ‘sex’ and party on!

Tamara Bell, Kim Varner Join Sexpert.com as Editors-in-Chief

LOS ANGELES — Tamara Bell and Kim Varner have been appointed by Dr. Ava Cadell as editors-in-chief of Sexpert.com.

Sexpert.com was founded in 1996 by Cadell and utilizes experts from across the industry to provide “resources, articles, blogs, vlogs, reviews and a broad range of information about all things related to sex education and sexual health and wellness,” a rep said.

“Tamara is well-suited for this position as a 30-year veteran in the sexual health and wellness arena. She is a certified love coach whose primary business is Lady T Coaching,” continued the rep. “She is also an ACS-certified sex educator. Two To Tease is her 25- year-old independent pleasure party company. She is very knowledgeable and well-known across the industry.”

Kim Varner has operated her independent home pleasure party planning company, Kymbra’s Closet, for 17 years; she founded the workshop “Fun with Fellatio: A Hands-on Guide to Giving Good Head” that she licenses to others in the industry, and Kymbra’s Girl Stag, a bachelorette-themed party company.

“She is a certified loveologist, an ACS-certified sex educator and a published author,” the rep noted. “Kim is a trained course designer and developer, and she utilizes this skill set to enhance the effectiveness and performance of other people in this industry. She has developed and conducted training countless sessions over the years.”

Direct inquiries to Bell at ladytlovecoach@gmail.com and Varner at kymbrascloset@yahoo.com.

Find Loveology University online here.

https://www.xbiz.com/news/265040/tamara-bell-kim-varner-join-sexpert-com-as-editors-in-chief

The Ins & Outs Of Female Anatomy

Some people remain clueless about female genital anatomy and for good reason, as they’ve likely had no formal instruction on the topic. Education often involves knowledge imparted from friends and schoolmates and perhaps a talk from a parent on the “birds and the bees,” generally less than adequate means. “Sex Ed” classes in junior high school (a.k.a. middle school) were cursory and insufficient. Your dad’s Playboy, your mom’s Cosmo and other magazines may have provided some insight, but were certainly not the gospel. Pornography offers a totally skewed perspective. As a consequence, most people have been educated through practical experience with their own vagina or with those of sexual partners. Although there is no substitute for “hands on” experience, a bit of vaginal academics is certainly a good addition to practical experience.

For many men—and women for that matter—the vagina is a dark and mysterious place, a “black hole” of human anatomy, hidden in the deep recesses of the body. This landscape is complex terrain and unfortunately does not come with a topographical map explaining its intricate subterranean geography.

The following are quotes about the vagina from Tom Hickman’s book: “God’s Doodle: The Life and Times of the Penis”:

“A place of procreative darkness, a sinister place from which blood periodically seeped as if from a wound.”

“Even when made safe, men feared the vagina, already attributed mysterious sexual power – did it not conjure up a man’s organ, absorb it, milk it, spit it out limp?”

The objective of this blog is to explore and demystify the vagina to help you comprehend and navigate its complexities. Knowledge is power and whether female or male, a greater understanding and appreciation of the anatomy, function and nuances of this curious and special female body part will most certainly prove useful.

Female Genital Anatomy 101

The hidden female nether parts and their inner workings are a mystery zone to a surprising number of women. Many falsely believe that the “pee hole” and the “vagina hole” are one and the same…not surprising given that lady parts are much more unexposed, subtle and complex than the more obviously exposed man parts. However, what lies between the thighs is more complicated and intricate than one might think…. three openings, two sets of lips, swellings, glands, erectile tissue, muscles and more.

Let’s first set the record straight on the difference between the vagina and vulva, geography that is often confused. When referring to external visible “girly” anatomy, most people incorrectly speak of the “vagina”—this is actually the “vulva,” divided in half by a midline slit known in medical jargon as the pudendal cleft or cleft of Venus or in slang terms, “camel toe.” The “vagina,” on the other hand, is the internal, flexible, cylindrical, muscular passageway that extends from vulva to cervix (neck of the uterus). The vaginal opening on the vulva is known in medical terms as the vaginal introitus. Further down south is the landscape between the vulva and the anus known in medical jargon as the perineum or in slang terms, “taint.”

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(Anatomy of the vulva by OpenStax College – Anatomy & Physiology, Connexions Web site., Jun 19, 2013., CC BY 3.0, no changes made to original)

Bottom Line: The vulva is external, the vagina internal. Good to remember.

Fact: The word “vulva” derives from the Latin “cunnus” (hence the derivation of the slang C-word. The word “vagina” derives from the Latin word for “sheath,” a cover for the blade of a knife or sword, an apt term.

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Above image (public domain) entitled “Vagina Collage”…note that it should be entitled  “Vulva Collage”

Many Functions Of The Vagina

The vagina is an amazingly versatile and multifunctional organ that is truly a “cave of wonders.” Beyond being a sexual organ, it is an inflow pathway and receptacle for semen, an exit pathway for menstrual blood, and a birth canal. It is not simply a passive channel, but an active and dynamic, highly responsive passageway that has the capacity for voluntary muscular contraction.

Anatomy Of The Vagina

The average depth of the vagina (without sexual stimulation) is 3-4 inches or so, but with sexual stimulation and arousal, the vagina is capable of considerable expansion and distension to a much greater potential. The elasticity of the vagina is truly impressive (perhaps the most elastic and stretchable organ in the body), with the ability to stretch to accommodate a full-term infant and then return to a relatively normal caliber. The width of the vagina varies throughout its length, narrowest at the vaginal opening and increasing in diameter throughout its depth. It is typically about 1 inch in diameter at the external opening.

Joke from Maxim.com:

  1. Just how deep is the average vagina?
  2. Deep enough for a man to lose his house, his car, his dog and half of all his savings and assets…

All vaginas are unique with a great variety in shape, size and even color, similar to variations in penile anatomy. The vagina is a banana-shaped structure and when a woman lies down on her back, the more external part of the vagina (closest to the vaginal opening) is straight, and the inner, deeper part angles/curves downwards towards the sacral bones (the lower part of the vertebral column that forms the back bony part of the pelvis). This vaginal “axis” often changes with aging and childbirth.

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Banana representing vaginal axis, with inner portion curved towards sacrum and outer portion straight (Thank you Pixabay for image)

Fact: Although the vagina recovers remarkably well after childbirth, anatomy does generally change to some extent. Pelvic examination is usually easily able to distinguish between women who have and have not had children vaginally. Of note, elective C-section (no labor) preserves vaginal anatomy. Women who have an enlarged vaginal outlet due to childbirth may have difficulty in satisfactorily “accommodating” the penis, resulting in the vagina merely “surrounding” the penis rather than firmly “squeezing” it, with the end result being diminished sensation for both partners.

The vagina has pleats and corrugations called rugae that maximize the elasticity and stretchiness of the vagina. They are accordion-like ruffles and ridges that supply texture, which increase friction for the penis during sexual intercourse. In a young woman they are prominent, but with aging they tend to disappear.

Fact: Vaginal rugae are like tread on a tire…in young women they appear like deep grooves on a new snow tire, whereas in older women they appear like thinning tire tread, completely bald at their most extreme…aging can be cruel.

The vaginal wall has an inner lining of “skin” known as epithelium, which is surrounded by connective tissues and a muscular coat. The vaginal muscle is comprised of an inner layer that is circular in orientation and an outer layer that is oriented longitudinally. Contraction of the inner muscle tightens the vagina. Contraction of the outer muscle shortens and widens the vagina. The vagina is secured within a “bed” of powerful pelvic floor muscles.

To better understand vaginal anatomy, it is useful to divide it arbitrarily into thirds: outer, inner and middle. The outer and inner thirds are where “all the action is,” the outer third being the hub of sexuality, the inner third the hub of reproduction and the middle third essentially a connection between the inner and outer thirds.

Outer third: The outer third of the vagina is rich in nerve fibers and is the most sensitive part of the vagina. The “orgasmic platform” is the Masters and Johnson term for the anatomical “base” that responds to sexual arousal and stimulation with pelvic blood congestion. It consists of the outer third of the vagina and the engorged inner lips.

Middle third: The middle third is a conduit connecting the outer and inner thirds.

Inner third: The cervix (opening to the uterus) sits in the inner third of the vagina. Its presence within the deep vagina defines the deepest recesses of the vagina, which are referred to as the fornices (singular fornix), derived from the Latin word for “arches.” The largest fornix is the one behind the cervix (posterior fornix) with the two smaller fornices above and to the sides of the cervix (anterior and lateral fornices).

Question: What do you think is the origin of the word “fornicate”?

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Image above:  Uterus, Cervix and Inner Third Vagina from Dr. Johannes Sobotta – Sobotta’s Atlas and Text-book of Human Anatomy 1906, note the vaginal rugae and the relationship of the cervix with the inner vagina

Fact: In the man-on top sexual intercourse position, the penis reaches the anterior fornix, while in the rear-entry position it reaches the posterior fornix.

The Pelvic Floor Muscles And The Vagina

The pelvic floor muscles play a pivotal role with respect to vaginal and sexual function, their contractions facilitating and enhancing sexual response. They contribute to arousal, sensation during intercourse and the ability to clench the vagina and firmly “grip” the penis. The strength and durability of their contractions are directly related to orgasmic potential since the pelvic muscles are the “motor” that drives sexual climax and can be thought of as the powerhouse of the vagina. During orgasm, the pelvic floor muscles “shudder.”

There is great variety in the bulk, strength, power and voluntary control of the pelvic floor muscles that support the vagina. Some women are capable of powerfully “snapping” their vaginas, whereas others cannot generate even a weak flicker.

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Image above: Female pelvic floor muscles, illustration by Ashley Halsey from The Kegel Fix

Fact: “Pompoir” is a sexual technique in which a woman contracts her pelvic floor and vaginal muscles rhythmically to stimulate the penis without the need for pelvic motion or thrusting. Women who diligently practice Kegel exercises can develop powerful pelvic floor muscles and become particularly adept at this technique resulting in extreme vaginal “dexterity” and the ability to refine pulling, pushing, locking, gripping, pulsing, squeezing and twisting motions, which can provide enough stimulation to bring a male to climax. 

Fact: “Penis Captivus” is a rare condition in which a male’s erect penis becomes stuck within a female’s vagina. It is thought to be on the basis of intense contractions of the pelvic floor muscles, causing the vaginal walls to clamp down and entrap the penis. It usually is a brief event and after female orgasm and/or male ejaculation, withdrawal becomes possible. However, it sometimes requires medical attention with a couple showing up in the emergency room tightly connected, like Siamese twins. Not a good call to 911!

Sexual Function And The Vagina

Under normal circumstances, the vagina is not “primed” for sex and is little more prepared for intercourse than is a flaccid penis. The un-stimulated vagina is essentially a closed “potential space” in which the vaginal roof and floor are in contact. With sexual stimulation, the vagina expands with lengthening and widening of its inner two-thirds and flattening of the rugae. The cervix and uterus pull up and back. Pelvic blood flow increases and the vaginal walls undergo a “sweating-like” reaction as a result of pelvic blood congestion, creating a slippery and glistening film. Most of the lubrication is based upon seepage from this increased blood flow, but some comes from Bartholin’s and Skene’s glands. Bartholin’s glands are paired, pea-size glands that drain just below and to each side of the vagina. During sexual arousal they secrete small drops of fluid, resulting in moistening of the opening of the vagina. Skene’s glands are paired glands that drain just above and to each side of the urethral opening. They are the female equivalent of the male prostate gland and secrete fluid with arousal.

With sexual excitement and stimulation, in addition to vaginal lubrication from increased pelvic blood flow, there is congestion and engorgement of the vulva, vagina and clitoris.

Fact: The profound vaginal changes that occur during sexual arousal and stimulation are entirely analogous to the changes that occur during male arousal: expansion of penis length and girth, retraction of the testicles towards the groin, and the release of pre-ejaculate fluid.

With increasing stimulation and arousal, physical tension within the genitals gradually builds and once sufficient intensity and duration of sexual stimulation surpass a threshold, involuntary rhythmic muscular contractions occur of the vagina, uterus, anus and pelvic floor muscles, followed by the release of accumulated erotic tension (a.k.a. orgasm) and a euphoric state. Thereafter, the genital engorgement and congestion subside, muscle relaxation occurs and a peaceful state of physical and emotional bliss and afterglow become apparent.

Fact: Anatomy can affect potential for experiencing sexual climax.

Sexual intercourse results in indirect clitoral stimulation. The clitoral shaft moves rhythmically with penile thrusting by virtue of penile traction on the inner lips, which join together to form the hood of the clitoris. However, if the vaginal opening is too wide to permit the penis to put enough traction on the inner lips, there will be limited clitoral stimulation and less satisfaction in the bedroom. Furthermore, studies have suggested that a larger clitoris that is closer to the vaginal opening is more likely to be stimulated during penetrative sexual intercourse.

At the time of sexual climax, some women are capable of “ejaculating” fluid. The nature of this fluid has been controversial, thought by some to be hyper-lubrication and others to be Bartholin’s and/or Skene’s gland secretions. There are certain women who “ejaculate” very large volumes of fluid at climax and studies have shown this to be urine released because of an involuntary bladder contraction that can accompany orgasm.

Fact: “Persistent genital arousal disorder” is a rare sexual problem characterized by unwanted, unremitting and intrusive arousal, genital engorgement and multiple orgasms without sexual interest or stimulation. It causes great distress to those suffering with it and there are no known effective treatments. It typically does not resolve after orgasm.

The G-Spot—named after German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg—was first described in 1950 and was believed to be an erogenous zone located on the upper wall of the vagina, anatomically situated between the vagina and the urethra (urinary channel). Stimulation of this spot was thought to promote arousal and vaginal orgasm.

Fact: There is little scientific support for the existence of the G-spot as a discrete anatomical entity; however, many women feel that they possess an area on the roof of the vagina that is a particularly sensitive pleasure zone. Although its existence remains controversial, the G-spot is certainly a powerful social phenomenon.

Regular sexual activity is vital for maintaining the ability to have ongoing satisfactory sexual intercourse with the vagina staying fit and healthy if one remains sexually active, as nature intended. Vaginal penetration increases pelvic and vaginal blood flow, optimizing lubrication and elasticity, while orgasms tone and strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that support vaginal function“Disuse atrophy” is a condition when the vagina adapts to not being used, with thinning and fragility of the vaginal walls and weakness of the pelvic floor muscles. Use it or lose it!

Build Up Your Stamina: Exercise for Better Orgasms

Photo by Yaroslav Shuraev from Pexels

We use muscles when we have sex that we typically don’t use in our day to day lives. If you tend to be huffing and puffing during play (not sexy!), you may want to consider preparing your body for better sex by building stamina. Stamina is necessary for good sex to happen, and bring you through to orgasm.

Often, I am asked about ways to increase stamina that does not involve medicine and folks are surprised when I simply recommend exercise.Yes, exercise is the best way to increase stamina and not some magical pill.

How Does Stamina Help With Sex?

Photo by Marcus Aurelius from Pexels

Stamina helps in maintaining positions, rhythm, and endurance. This requires some resistance and interval training. While core power is needed because thrusting comes from the abs and low back,and strong abs allow you to control your belly, building up your upper body strength is also key. Some positions require you to balance your weight safely and over longer periods of time. Flexibility comes into play as well. Take the time to stretch your muscles regularly to be able to move into various positions with ease.

There are many exercises that you can do to build stamina. You must be consistent with them and you should make sure that you are doing the exercise correctly to receive the full benefit. Always check with your doctor before you start any workout regimen.

Stamina Exercises: Warm Up First!


Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Start with a warm up before you get into the meat of a session. A few warm-up exercises include stretching, jumping jacks, side-to-side lunges and moving the lower back.

A great engagement of the entire body is sandbag lunges. Hold the sandbag against your chest with your arms curled around it from the underside. Take one large step. Lower your body into the lunge until the forward leg reaches a 90-degree angle bend. Your back knee should only just hover from the floor. You should feel this stretch. Hold for 30 seconds.

Kegels

Of course, as I am always saying, Kegels are very important when it comes to sex play. They strengthen the pelvic floor and engages your core. You should work you way up to holding a Kegel for up to 15 seconds each time.

Inchworm

For a warmup or an exercise, you can do the inch worm exercise. With this you are standing, you bend at the waist and place your hands on the floor in front of you. Start to walk forward on your hands keeping your feet still. Walk out as far as you can, hold the position for seconds and then walk back to the bending position. This exercise includes your arms, shoulder, and core.

Couples Workout

Make your workout sexy and erotic with your partner(s). Perform exercises together, using each other’s bodies to complete exercises. You may have seen a video by now of sex workouts that are very, very erotic. These sessions bring individuals closer together as multiple senses are be tantalized.

Here are a few exercises that will get your motors running:

Single Leg Lunge

An exercise in which you will be holding your hands crossed and lunging toward each other one at a time is called a single leg lunge. These lunges work your quads, calves, thighs, and butt muscles.

Assisted Ham String Curls

Assisted ham string curls stimulate your large muscles behind the thighs is the lying hamstring curl. You will be sitting on your mates’ hips and lifting their legs up, while they are pushing it down.

Lying Leg Abduction

A lying leg abduction is when one party is lying on the floor with their arms out and the other is kneeling between their legs and stretching the legs apart. This strengthens the inner thigh muscles and the abductors.

Alternate Leg Abduction

An alternate leg abduction is to have one party lie on their side and lift their leg as the partner tries to push the leg back down. This works the outer thigh.

Leg Lifts

Someone lies on the floor with their head between the other’s legs as they are standing. You pull your legs up to their outstretched hands and then lets the leg back down.

The Wheelbarrow

Get in the wheelbarrow position and do a push up as your partner holds your legs at 30-45 degrees.

Couple’s Sit-ups

Have your partner lie on their back and push you away from them and pull them back down in a sit-up. Lie on their back and lay on top of them, lock hands and push down and up. They can also push you away as far as can be safely sustained.

Stamina is Sexy!

Making your workouts sexy will keep you engaged in doing them. Stamina is needed during sexual play, there is no real way around it. Sex works better when you move around and can last long.

I Seduce You; You Seduce Me

The Seduction of a Story

This is the first of a three-part article specifically aimed at you, my fellow naughty scribes. Indeed, we are like most fiction writers in that we endeavor to simply tell a good story, build rich, interesting characters, set time and place in a way where the reader can ‘feel’ themselves in the action. But between our beginning, the middle meat of the tale, and some sort of satisfying end, an erotic story needs to have some sure heat in it. The level of that heat and where it leads, if anywhere at all, is up to you. How you mix that heat with the real world or even otherworldly elements, this too is only for you to determine. But I believe almost all erotic fiction (notice I say “almost all” there are exceptions to any rule) needs have the progression of seduction, foreplay, and climax.

So, let’s start with seduction.

I can’t tell you how to set up the seduction of your story. God knows, these days, your possibilities are limitless on how seduction can come off. It could happen in email, Twitter, or when two people bump into each other in a Starbucks’ line. It might take all of a paragraph and represent the moment we first meet your characters, as it can last for pages. I’ve as much written drawn-out slow dances of fits and starts or the grand big complicated tease as I have Whammo Bango ‘let’s get it on,’ explosions of realizations. One person might recognize a fellow kinkster sitting across from them in their college study hall, and these sophomores manage to squirrel away to an empty classroom for some mutual bare ass spankings minutes after they meet. Another couple might bump into one another at different junctures of history and try to bring off their attraction only to be thwarted at every turn by some supernatural element, their seduction therefore taking decades.

Again, your possibilities are limitless.

As most likely, your seduction will come at the beginning of your story; it can serve multiple purposes. As much a solid place to begin your heated scribbling, during the seduction, you can also introduce characters (as mentioned up above), as you could set a location or slip in the overall theme of your tale right from the jump. Here too, might be the place or impetus for the supernatural element to be made plain or for you to tickle the beginnings of a mystery you slowly reveal across your pages. The seduction scene might also birth a subplot or two.

But be cautioned, as always, when writing erotica; we need to balance the heat with how much exposition we slip in. Whatever you bring to the seduction(s) scenes (setting, the complexity of character, introducing a MacGuffin) to just ‘info-dump’ because you have the room to do so is not always the best course. I’ve seen many a writer (me included) begin a story, bring a handful of characters together, settle on a juicy little seduction scene, sprinkle in a whole bunch of other elements, but then end up stymied for the next steps worrying they (I) have already blown their (my) load.

Think of the seduction as the first bloom of heat between your characters. It’s the set-up, clumsy or sly, dangerous portent or promise of passages hotter than any E.L. James, an easy entre’ to a metered romance or the reluctant happenstance of a moment two people know they should avoid at all costs, but simply cannot.

Make of it what you will.

But remember, the essential part of writing the seduction of your story is… you won’t be able to apply any of what I have just advised unless you first write it.

So, start writing.

Tantric Massage to Sexually Arouse Your Lover

How to Give a Full-body Sensual Massage to Your Lover

Massage is a great way to relieve tension, improve blood circulation, move energy around the body and sexually arouse your lover! Massage is also a mutually satisfying way of helping couples exhibit intimacy for one another. Ours is a culture starved for touch, and massage is a quick, easy means to feed this hunger.

“Easy?” You may be asking yourself. Well, you don’t need to be a certified massage therapist to give a great Tantric massage. The most important component of a great massage is the desire to please your lover. So, here are some suggestions.

Setting The Mood

For starters, set the mood for a romantic environment by dimming the lights, burning some candles and incense, playing your lover’s favorite relaxing music and warming the room so that both of you will be comfortable. I know pretty soon you’ll be making enough heat of your own, but it’s always best to start at a temperature in which you are both comfortable especially since you should both be naked.

You can use scented mineral oil, massage oil or essential oils, or edible massage creams, lotions or powder. The choice is yours, but for the sake of this Tantric massage, I’ll assume you are using some kind of oil.

Begin with the Back Side

About two tablespoons of oil should be enough to start with. Pour the oil into your hands first and then rub your hands together so that they will be nice and warm to the touch. Then place your hands on your lover’s lower back and let your hands glide up your lovers back all the way up to the neck, around the shoulders and
back down, over the buttocks and the Rosebud.

“The touch of love and compassion. Whatever you love to do, you will do well.” -Dr. Ava

The Hand Slide

Now that you’ve got the oil on your lover’s back, begin with your hands parallel to each other and slide them down each side of the spine, massaging all the way down to the lower back and over the buttocks. Move your hands up all the way to the neck, over the shoulders and down the arms to the fingertips. Repeat this motion
at least six times. As you do this, ask your lover for feedback. If he/she is not the talkative type, then just know that it’s better to make the massage too soft than too strong. Remember, it’s all about giving as much pleasure as you can.

Pull-U Ups

For variation, try alternating one hand after the other as you pull up and stroke the sides of your lover’s body. Start by placing both of your hands over one of your lover’s hips and then gently pull up towards the spine. Move your hands to the waist and pull up towards the spine. Then take your hands to the side of the chest or breast and pull up towards the spine. Put your hands just under the armpits and pull up towards the spine. Don’t forget to do both sides.

Kneading

If you have ever kneaded pizza or bread dough, then this technique will be a breeze but if you haven’t, try squeezing your lover’s back and buttocks between your thumb and fingers in a flowing motion (not too hard) with one hand, and then with the other hand. Now slide your hands to another area on the back and repeat until your lover has been well kneaded from neck to buttocks. The fleshy parts of the body like the buttocks can stand more pressure, so feel free to squeeze just a little harder and gently spread the cheeks as you knead. This can be very exciting for the receiver.

“A loving, faithful partner is the greatest treasure.” -Dr. Ava

Feather Stroke

Before you move onto the thighs, caress your lover’s neck, shoulders, arms, back and buttocks with your fingertips in a very light feather stroke for at least five minutes. If you have fingernails, gently scratch your lover with them. You can do this in circular motions, long fluid motions or from side to side. Let your light, tickly strokes and caresses create sensual anticipation for your lover as he/she won’t know where you are going to tickle, scratch or touch next. If you have medium to long hair and you don’t mind getting oil in it, then I highly recommend you use your hair to caress your lover’s body. It is very erotic and highly memorable.

Foot Caress

You’ll probably need more oil now so don’t forget to put it in your hands first, then onto your lover’s body. Now do the hand slide technique on the thigh and calf in slow motion. Follow this with the kneading stroke and then the feathery one. Do one leg at a time. The feet are a major erogenous zone so let’s give those tootsies some attention! Take one foot at a time and smother it in oil, spreading it around the ankle, the heel and in between the toes. Now use the palm of your hand to slide over the bottom of your lover’s foot back
and forth about four times. Gently rotate every toe clockwise and counter-clockwise and finally slither your forefinger between each toe. Gently pull each toe away from the body.

Turn your Lover Over

Your lover will probably have a smile on his/her face because your massage is so relaxing and sensual. Let’s continue the massage by focusing on the stomach and chest/breasts. Rub plenty of massage oil in your hands and then put your hands lightly on top of the belly button, slowly sliding them up the center of your lover’s stomach and around their nipples, then back down to the belly button. Do this at least five times because it feels really good and it’s moving energy around the body. Be very gentle around female breasts. The male
chest can handle a firmer stroke. In fact the male chest can even handle some kneading whereas feather strokes are more appropriate and pleasurable on and around the female breasts/Pillows of Compassion. Don’t forget to use your hair on your lover’s body.

“Joy is contagious. People never tire of being in the company of a happy person.” -Dr. Ava

Nipple Massage

Both men and women have sensation in their nipples (some more than others) so here’s your opportunity to find out how sensitive your lover’s nipples are by giving them a nipple massage. Use your thumb and index finger to gently massage the nipple in a rotating motion moving clockwise then counter-clockwise. Ask for feedback so that you get the pressure just right. Place your hand gently over the nipple and roll it in the palm of your hand. Finally, using your thumb and third finger, gently pull up on the nipple so that you are elongating it. Do one nipple at a time and make sure that all of these motions are done in slow motion. Observe your lover’s body language and listen for pleasure moans and groans. Ask your lover to rate the nipple massage from 1-10 on a pleasure scale with 10 being the best.

Side Pull-U Ups

When doing the side pull-ups, draw your lover’s body toward you with the palms of your hands alternating one hand after the other. Do this motion from starting at the hips, moving to the waist, then the side of the chest/breast and to the armpits just as you did on the back side.

Moving Down South

Before you get to the sexual organs, you should massage the front of the legs and feet as you did on the other side using all the strokes you have learned so far. Remember the hand slide, pull-ups, kneading, and feather stroke. Always end with the feather stroke using your fingertips, nails and/or hair.

Yoni Massage

On the female genitals/Yoni, you might want to use a water-based lubricant because if oil gets inside the vagina, it can cause irritation. Put it in your hands and rub your hands together before placing them on her yoni. Start by focusing on the vulva which is the outside visible area of the vagina by rubbing the lubricant around her Yoni in circular motions.

Her Landing Strip/Perineum

Gently rub the massage oil or lube around her Yoni lips all the way down to her Rosebud. Using the pad of your thumb, trace the outline of her Rosebud and then slowly slide your thumb up the landing strip (perineum) from her Rosebud to her Yoni opening.

His Landing Strip/Perineum

Slowly slide your fingers up and down the perineum from his Jewels to his Rosebud. Feel for a small indentation the size of a pea midway and gently press inward with your thumbs. This area is called the Million Dollar Point in Taoism and many men are able to feel their Hero Spot through this point.

“Compliments are the bedrock of romance so give them freely.” -Dr. Ava

Two-L Lips

Then gently part her outer lips with both of your thumbs and caress them in circular motions for at least two minutes. Next, slide your thumbs up and down her outer lips until they are spread apart, and then do the same with her inner lips. The inner lips are more sensitive than the outer lips so use less pressure. Watch for her body language and for the swelling of her Yoni lips, which is a natural progression when a woman gets sexually aroused.

Pearl Massage

Gently pull the clitoral hood back from the Pearl to expose it. Then gently slide your thumb and forefinger up and down the sides of the Pearl for about ten strokes. You may feel it growing as it becomes more excited. The clitoris can grow three to four times its normal size when it’s fully engorged. Next massage the head of the Pearl in circular motions using your forefinger or thumb. Don’t be surprised if she has a body melting, earth shattering orgasm. The Pearl has 8000 nerve fibers and it’s the primary sexual organ for a woman. Most women are capable of having a clitoral orgasm when it is stimulated. In Tantra this is called “Riding the Wave” when a woman can have multiple orgasms.

Lingam Massage

Put plenty of massage oil in your hands and warm it up by rubbing it with both hands, then slowly spread it all over the Lingam and Jewels. Next place one hand on the shaft of his Lingam and start stoking it in an up and down motion while the other hand gently encircles his Jewels. Do this in slow motion for at least three minutes.

Making the Fire

Rub his Lingam with both hands as if rubbing a stick to make a fire. This is a sure way to light his fire!

Spiraling the Stalk

Both hands go in opposite directions in a corkscrew motion over the lingam. One hand twists up while the other hand twists downwards.

Wet and Wild

Now concentrate on just massaging his Lingam from the top to the bottom covering the glans (head) and sliding your hands down to the base with one hand after another in a fluid motion. Do this for about ten strokes and don’t be surprised if he suddenly climaxes because this stroke feels like he’s inside a tight wet Yoni.

“The important thing is not what others think of you, but what you think of you.” -Dr. Ava

A Happy Ending!

When you have completed your Tantric massage, gently remove your hands, kiss your lover on the lips and give them a Tantric hug. When giving a massage, always remember to let your lover lead you to the places he or she would like to be massaged the most. Be sure to respond to your lover’s needs.

Combine stroking and pressure. Keep in mind, fleshy parts of the body (thighs, arms, buttocks) can stand more pressure than less fleshy parts like necks and ankles. While you’re massaging, ask your lover to give you feedback in a positive way like, “I love having my nipples massaged.” Or, “It feels so good when you use your hair on my chest.” By exploring your lover’s body, you will enhance your relationship and you will find
new areas of sexual excitement that will expand your sexual horizon. Massage is all about giving the most pleasure to your lover that you possibly can. It is a wonderful way to express yourself.

Don’t forget to take turns. It’s important that you learn to receive massages as well as give them. Relax and enjoy!

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Love Coach Tips – Ask Dr. Ava!

Twenty Tips on How to Become an Amazing Love Coach

As a world renowned Sexologist and Love Coach (voted Sex Coach of the Year 2015 by the Sexual Health Expo), and founder of Loveology University, Dr. Ava Cadell has been mentoring Love Coaching students for many years and has many Love Coach tips!

Here are her top 20 Love Coach tips on how to become a Love Coach!

Twenty Tips on How to Become an Amazing Love Coach:

  1. Let clients know your credentials up front, including specialties.
  2. Let them know you offer Love Coaching: an interactive role as a coach, not a medical or therapeutic adviser.
  3. Find out what your client specifically needs coaching for, by asking key questions.
  4. Be truthful and let clients know if they are realistic and if you can help them, rather than disappointing them.
  5. Discuss fees and forms of payment up front.
  6. Discuss length of time for suggested coaching sessions up front.
  7. Have clients fill out and sign a Love Coaching Agreement and Disclaimer before you begin working with them.
  8. In the first session, fill out the client’s questionnaire form to find out why they are seeking Love Coaching with you.
  9. Guide clients to focus on future success rather than past failures.
  10. Assist clients to monitor their successes and celebrate their accomplishments.
  11. Act as a sounding board and just listen.
  12. Teach tools and techniques that clients can use to achieve their personal goals.
  13. Keep your boundaries professional and respectful at all times.
  14. Explore new goal-reaching options and give clients homework (lovework) assignments to help them achieve their chosen goals.
  15. Prepare written developmental plan of action steps, timelines and methods to assess their progress.
  16. Supply extra resources such as books, articles and referrals on relevant issues.
  17. Continually monitor client progress and provide feedback allowing client to flourish.
  18. Suggest clients seek other forms of counseling or therapy if needed.
  19. Let clients know Love Coaching can be used concurrently with (not in place of) other professional analysis.
  20. Always end each session on a high note by thanking them and encouraging them that their goals are attainable.

–From: “Coaching the Love Coach” course, which is a part of LoveUniv.com’s Love Coach Certificate program.

Take a look at our Certified Love Coach program NOW to get started in one of the top professions in the world. Become a Certified Love Coach!

Sexual “Afterglow” Lasts 48 Hours

It turns out that sexual afterglow lasts a bit longer than that after-sex cigarette. A new study called “Quantifying the Sexual Afterglow,” The Lingering Benefits of Sex and Their Implications for Pair-Bonded Relationships” says afterglow actually lasts about 48 hours. Who knew?

The study, published in Psychological Science, says that it’s an evolutionary thing. “Sex presumably facilitates pair bonding, but how do partners remain pair-bonded between sexual acts?” the researchers asked. “Evolutionary perspectives suggest that sexual afterglow serves this purpose. We explored how long sexual satisfaction would remain elevated following sex, and predicted that stronger sexual afterglow would characterize more satisfying partnerships.”

The scientists studied 215 newlyweds, and asked them to rate their daily sexual activity, because, well newlyweds probably do it more often than anyone else does. (Oddly though, the sexy time results only averaged out to getting laid 4 times in two weeks.)

Every night at bedtime, the newlyweds were asked to take notes. Did they have sex with their partner that day? Were they satisfied with their sex live, their spouse, and their marriage that day? A 7-point scale was used (1=not at all, 7=extremely) to rate their spouse. (People should do this in real life.)

Then the couples were asked again 4-6 months later. To test their theory, the team looked at data gathered from “two independent, longitudinal studies”, one with 96 newlywed couples and the other with 118 newlywed couples.”

 

“Results demonstrated that sexual satisfaction remained elevated approximately 48 hr after sex,” the study found.”Spouses experiencing a stronger afterglow reported higher levels of marital satisfaction both at baseline and over time. We interpret these findings as evidence that sexual afterglow is a proximal cognitive mechanism through which sex promotes pair bonding.” The study’s results remained consistent through all ages and sexual orientations.

Andrea Meltzer, the lead researcher on the study said. “And people with a stronger sexual afterglow—that is, people who report a higher level of sexual satisfaction 48 hours after sex—report higher levels of relationship satisfaction several months later…. This research is important because it joins other research suggesting that sex functions to keep couples pair bonded.” Like hugging and cuddling, the “feel good” hormones are at work bringing couples emotionally closer.

Affectionate young female couple relaxing on bed

In the future, the research team will study how afterglow affects other aspects of monogamous relationships, including cheating and “whether or not long term relationships result in marriages.” In the meantime, its good to know that doing something twice a week–even if it lasts for two minutes, can last two days.