Friday, November 15, 2024

Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults

Sexpert.com has the Best Sex Education Articles for Adults from an expert line up of certified sex experts.

Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.

Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.

Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.

Explore sexpert articles from our top sex educators.

How Many Dates Before You Do It? Survey Says…

Match.com asked over 5,500 singles about their dating habits including how many dates seemed to work out the best before they have sex. And the magic number was…five!

According to their “Single’s in America” survey”, 35% of people reported the “highest level of happiness” in a relationship that started with sex on the fifth date. So if you want your online dating to end up in a relationship, just keep it closed down there until the magical fifth date. If you are just looking to hook-up for a one-nighter, of course, then the number of dates doesn’t matter. Surprisingly though, 25% of both men and women reported that their one-nighters actually turned into relationships. Good news for those hooker-uppers out there.

By the fifth date you can see more what the person is actually like. By this time you should know if they are nice, if they are a jerk, if you feel comfortable with them, if they seem interested in what you are interested in, and most importantly, if there is something majorly wrong with them.

By that time, you have given yourself a chance to see if they have some of things you are looking for, if he is a gentlemen, if he/she is fun, is he/she is ambitious, or whatever qualities you are looking for in a person. And at least if you wait until the 5th date, you can tell if they have a creepy personality disorder before you sleep with them.

In my own dating life, the weirdest things always happen to me on the first date. Always. Like one guy in a surprise attack stuck his finger up my back door in the back seat of a NYC cab–on the way to to our date; before we even kissed! I was like “What are you doing?” and he was like “I’m fingering your butt” This was a new one: what should I call it?; “finger date rape?” “non-consensual digital penetration of my asshole by an asshole?” I never made it to the second date with him, let alone the fifth date. But afterwards, he emailed and asked me to connect with him on LinkedIn.

pooperFunny-Dating-Tips

Legendary Lover: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews John Legendary

Ladies, a Legendary Lover is coming for you.

A newcomer to the XXX scene, John Legendary is a man with a plan. A plan to seduce the female porn fan with striking good looks and classy charm and demeanor, and satisfy her with his skilled, passionate, and highly romantic lovemaking techniques–one of which is known as The Stroke. See his flicks to find out more….

“I make content for the ladies,” he said. “I want to show you something you’ve never seen before. My work is sensual, and I want to fulfill women’s fantasies.”

This edict is on full display via Date Night, John Legendary’s new series available through ManyVids. The first scene of the series, “Date Nights Vol. 1 – Caitlin Bell,” is available to purchase à la carte. In this film, custom made for women and couples, John takes hotwife Caitlin Bell out on a date Saturday night and they go back to his place for erotic fun. The video is available exclusively on his ManyVids store manyvids.com/Profile/1005086754/Johnlegendary. This is the first of many scenes in the groundbreaking series, that pairs John, who prides himself on being a true gentleman on set and off, with some of the hottest women in adult; and, prior to the hot action, we get footage of a hot date that finds our hero charming and romancing his lady. As the Feminist Sexpert has noted before, we need more of this in porn! Like, much more! John also offers a second video from his amateur offerings titled “Sex in the Morning Gonzo.”

“I see the woman as the star of the show,” he said. “I want to make sure she’s comfortable, to know her likes and dislikes, her desires and boundaries.”


If John seems himself like a Sexpert; one who excels at the art of loving ladies, well, he is.
John is a woman’s fantasy, a dapper gentleman by day (one who previously worked with Fortune 500 companies and in the fashion world) and a literal wild bull by night–in his role as a bull in the swingers lifestyle.

“A bull is a single guy who understands the dynamic of a hot wife lifestyle,” he explains.

A bull, he explains, is a take charge man who sexes up a hot wife as her husband watches; giving her what she’s missing–just as John is doing now, for female porn fans.

It was through his active role in this lifestyle that he first appeared on film; and when seeking a new career, he opted to embark on a full-fledged career as an actor in the adult industry.

“I was working a 9 to 5 job to pay the bills,” he said. “I wanted to live my life’s passion.”

John Legendary is filming new scenes for top studios like Pure Taboo, Dogfart, and VRBangers. And he also has launched his ManyVids channel to give fans access to his exclusive content.

And while John is being paired with some of the hottest women in adult, one need not liken a supermodel to film a scene with this hunk.

“I love all women,” he said. “All shapes and sizes.”

Fans can watch the trailer for “Date Nights Vol. 1 – Caitlin Bell exclusively on his OnlyFans onlyfans.com/johnlegendary. John is working towards making a lot of personal content available exclusively on his ManyVids and OnlyFans.

“I’m really excited about my new Date Nights series and know my fans will really enjoy it. In between filming for studios, I’m working on getting my exclusive content on my ManyVids and OnlyFans. I also have a MILF series coming soon that will be even hotter,” he said.

Oh, and about the name–John did indeed choose his stage name due to his strong resemblance to a certain, very romantic soul singer…which makes the Feminist Sexpert all the happier that “Save Room for My Love” ranks among her favorite sexytime jams….

Keep up with everything in John’s world and his rise in the adult industry by following him on Twitter and Instagram @JohnLegendary_. Subscribe to his OnlyFans onlyfans.com/johnlegendary to see exclusive content from on and off set with the hottest women in adult. Buy his content à la carte on ManyVids manyvids.com/Profile/1005086754/Johnlegendary. Subscribe to his Pornhub for some of the hottest content out there pornhub.com/pornstar/john-legendary. Get all his links in one place at allmylinks.com/johnlegendary.


“Ladies,” said John. “My films are a good opportunity for you to let go–let your mind, body and soul enjoy a sensorial erotic experience.”

What is Pegging? Is Pegging Gay?

image credit to Kamaji Ogino from Pexels

What is Pegging?  Haven’t heard of pegging? I’d be surprised – but hey – that’s why I’m here to help!

To put it simply: pegging is when someone wears a strap-on harness and dildo – and has anal sex with another person.

Pegging, most often, takes place between a heterosexual couple. The penis-owning person receives the dildo anally while the vagina-owning person wears the strap-on harness and dildo. That doesn’t have to always be the case, however.

Some people use the term “pegging” to describe all strap-on sex – and many non-binary or non-heterosexual couples use the term “pegging” to describe their experience during strap-on sex as well – even if it’s done vaginally.

One thing tends to remain constant though: somewhere within the experience, someone is wearing a strap-on harness and dildo!

Pegging is traditionally done with a strap-on harness wrapped around the hips. It doesn’t have to be a hip harness, but as hip harnesses are widely available and the first thing most people imagine when they think of pegging, hip harnesses tend to be the most common choice.

While pegging can simply seem like making hand-held dildo use slightly more complicated, the complexity is usually worth it for the people enjoying the pegging. That’s for a few reasons:

  • Full-body contact. While you can hand-hold a dildo and use it on someone, it doesn’t have the same contact points as pegging. Pegging presses hips together and bodies together – and it requires the same physical abilities as penis-in-vagina intercourse.
  • The Man is the “Receiver”. For better or for worse, it’s still taboo in a lot of societies for the penis-owner to receive anal sex from a partner. Being the “recipient” – as opposed to the one being the penetrator – can bring out a lot of feelings – especially those of submission. On the flip side…
  • The Woman is the Penetrator. For better or for worse, society doesn’t encourage vulva-owners calling the shots during sex – so strapping on a dildo is a huge change of pace from being the “agreeable” receiver. It can be a real power thrill for a lot of people.

Of course, if you were born with a prostate, pegging can provide some amazingly powerful sensations. Especially if you go with a curved dildo that can hit the prostate, pegging can be the stuff of hands-free, unexpected orgasms for prostate owners. Even without those unexpected orgasms, though, prostate stimulation can feel amazing to a lot of people – and it’s something that pegging can target.

On the giver’s end, a few strap-on harness wearers are able to orgasm via clitoral stimulation by rubbing on the base of the dildo. This isn’t common, but it’s workable for some! There are even toys out there designed to help. If engaging in pegging, it’s probably best to assume you’ll pleasure the harness wearer in another manner to ensure everyone has a fantastic time.

Femdom Pegging?

Pegging isn’t femdom. While, presumably, pegging has a female-identifying person wearing a strap-on harness and dildo, that doesn’t mean that they’re in a dominating position. As I’ve said time and time again, simply having “the penis” doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re in charge – or that you’re the dominant partner.

So while pegging can be an amazing part of femdom kinks and femdom relationships, the act of pegging, in itself, isn’t necessarily femdom.

Feel free to explore pegging as an activity with equal footing as you explore different ways to be intimate with one another. Pegging doesn’t have to include power exchange – but it certainly can if you want to!

Is Pegging Gay?

Unfortunately, especially by those who are afraid of the “ramifications” of what it means if they end up enjoying pegging, some people stereotype “pegging” as being a gay activity.

We’re not really sure how that works. If you’re enjoying pegging as part of your heterosexual relationship with a woman, there isn’t even another man in that equation. How can pegging be gay?

Unfortunately, though, there’s an entire camp of people who believe that anything related to anal pleasure is “gay” – and pegging happens to fall into the “related to anal pleasure” camp.

Don’t worry, though: pegging doesn’t make you gay any more than eating a banana or touching your own penis does. Enjoying the (seriously orgasmic) sensations an erogenous zone can provide doesn’t change your sexual orientation in the slightest.

Are you still attracted to the opposite sex – with or without a strap-on harness? Well then, you’re probably not gay.

Chastity? Pegging? What Do They Have to Do With One Another?

At their core, chastity and pegging really have nothing to do with one another. Chastity is the act of orgasm denial – occasionally with the help of metal devices that make penis stroking impossible. Pegging is anal sex with the help of a strap-on harness.

However, a lot of people who enjoy chastity also happen to enjoy pegging – so the two kinks get lumped in together pretty often!

Especially since the prostate can lead to hands-free, penis-free orgasms, a lot of people in chastity enjoy foregoing the typical focus on the penis – and using their prostate to provide the orgasms. Since pegging can easily hit the prostate, a lot of chastity players tend to include pegging within their kinky toy box – especially since the penis may be locked out and out of commission anyway!

Pegging Beginner

Are you new to pegging? Is this your first time pegging? If so, I recommend doing a bit of research and reading before hopping right into it. You definitely can jump right in (if that’s your personality!), but since pegging involves interacting with a strap-on harness and the butt (which you may not have done before!), getting a bit of knowledge under your belt can help everything go more smoothly – and pleasurably – when you do it.

Some of the resources I’d recommend:

How to Pick the Right Vibrator for You

Your friend recommended a vibrator once.  You bought it, but it did nothing for you and for the price you paid you felt like it was a huge waste of money that could have been better spent on a night out. Except you keep hearing people talk about their favorite vibes and you just wish you had one that you loved too. Unfortunately, the market is saturated with so many options they all blend together.  Where do you even start??

Well, I can’t guarantee there won’t still be some trial and error, but here are some tips to help you better understand what you’re looking at.

  1. How versatile do you want it to be?

There are toys for just about any body part you can imagine, so that’s an easy place to start your quest. Do you want it for solo play or partnered sex or both? Do you want it to stimulate the clitoris, penis, labia, perineum, vaginal walls, prostate, g-spot, testicles, nipples, or multiple spots at once? Some toys are simple and versatile like “bullet” vibes which can be handheld against most any sensitive spot and though most should be used externally only (not a trip to the hospital you want to take), if they have a smooth coating that covers the cord as well as the bullet then they may be fun for vaginal use too. Don’t insert anything anally unless it has a wide bumper, so you don’t lose it. Another example of versatility is the Pulse vibe for penises that can even be used while flaccid and for non-penetrative rubbing against a partner’s genitals. And while versatility is nice, sometimes the best toys are ones that are designed for a single job, and they do that job really well.  The Womanizer (yes that’s the name and I wish they had come up with something else) does one thing – it uses pulsing air to create a sensation like intense sucking directly on the glans of the clitoris and after that toy hit the market all other brands scrambled to duplicate it.

  1. High Frequency or Low Frequency?

People assume that power is just high and low and while that’s an important aspect to consider, so is frequency. High frequency vibes flutter fast and mostly provide surface stimulation. If you are very sensitive or like to take your time with a slowly building tease, especially for direct contact with the glans, then high frequency may be your friend. With high frequency, if you press harder, you actually get less stimulation because the vibration is absorbed by the tissues. High frequency vibes may also require less battery power and may only need tiny button batteries. Low frequency vibes give you more of a thudding deep tissue sensation and if you press harder with them, they may resonate through your whole body. The classic Hitachi wand is a great example of low frequency vibration. If you need a lot of stimulation to climax or want to climax multiple times, low frequency is the way to go.

  1. Do you want patterns and pulsation?

While some toys are just power up and power down, others provide a variety of patterns and pulsation settings. When you are giving and taking away stimulation your body doesn’t know what to expect next and it can be fun and exciting to feel the thrill taken away again and again. If you like to make your play time last, patterns can keep the stimulation intense and if you feel your arousal dropping you can just switch to a new pattern and keep going. You may find your climax through the patterns, or when you’re ready to finish the job just flip it to solid vibration and ride it home.

  1. What materials are right for you?

Lots of people pick the material of their toys based on their budget, but there are other important factors to consider. The best materials for sex toys are non-porous. This means they are easy to clean and are less likely to harbor bacteria. Glass and metal are excellent options, but don’t usually vibrate. Silicone is the preferred material for vibes but be careful! There are tons of knock-off brands that claim to be silicone, but I had a friend get a chemical burn from one of those and I promise you, that is NOT a place you want a chemical burn. Other toy materials may actually melt in high heat or direct sunlight or when touching other toys and that is not a fun surprise in your toy box come August. This is where name-brand toys are actually worth the money and buying from a reputable adult store or direct from the manufacturer will reduce your risks. True silicone is soft, opaque, non-porous, and has a melting point of over 700 degrees so it holds its shape and is the best option for any orifice. And don’t forget about texture! Some people enjoy ridges and bumps while others prefer smooth and slick.

  1. Batteries or Rechargeable?

The biggest advantage of battery-operated toys is being able to quickly switch out the batteries if your toy dies on you mid coitus. Of course, this assumes you HAVE extra batteries on hand. If not, you find yourself pilfering your kid’s robot collection or borrowing from the remote control just to finish. Unfortunately, batteries can also leak battery acid and corrode the inside of your toy if you don’t take the batteries out between uses, especially if you use your toys infrequently. Rechargeable toys may require a little forethought to make sure they are fully charged and ready to go, but they usually last a long time, provide more consistent and reliable power, don’t cost anything extra in replacement batteries, and often use a USB charger so you can plug them into your portable backup phone charger rather than leaving them out on your nightstand.

  1. Waterproof for water fun!

Sometimes the only privacy you get is in the shower or bath. In these cases, a waterproof toy is the way to go. If you find a toy that’s fully submersible, then you can lay back in that bath and take your time. Other toys may be fine for the shower or for easy cleaning in the sink but aren’t designed to go underwater. Be sure you know which one you’ve got. Either way if you have kids or roommates and you don’t want to explain the vibe you left sitting next to the shampoo bottle, hang your toy bag on the inside doorknob or block the door with your toy box so you don’t forget to grab your vibe before you walk out.

I hope these tips will help you in your erotic adventures and be sure to pair your vibe with a quality water-based lubricant and try out an enhancement cream or two to make the arousal process easier and the orgasms more intense. Happy shopping!

KINK or FETISH

BDSM sex toys for domination and submission. Whip with handcuffs and bandage for on red silk background

KINK or FETISH

You may have asked yourself this a time or two. What is the difference between a Kink and a Fetish? At its face a fetish is defined as a form of sexual desire of which an item, part of the body, item of clothing, etc. is involved in the play somehow to give increased pleasure that may or may not cause a release. If the object is not used however, the person is likely to release anyway. A Fetish on the other hand is when that object, item of clothing or body part is a necessity to have orgasm. Meaning if they don’t see, feel, hear, touch, or smell the object, they will not be able to release.

Currently the words fetish and kink are used one and the same. Any act that falls outside the “mainstream” norms. A great example is bondage. While the term may overlap, they are drastically different. A fetish is more of a psychological need while kink is more of a preference. The important thing to remember is, all fetishes are kinks but not all kinks are fetishes. It is very individualized and are more widely accepted. Before playing you need to have the consent and safety conversation with your mate{s} about what it is that you are and are not willing to do or experience. This is imperative to keep the scene from turning traumatic.

It might include BDSM, roleplaying or impact play such as spanking and whipping. You might enjoy flogging or nipple claps. All you must do is speak up for yourself and ask for what is going to give you pleasure. Dominatrix and Submissive are apart of the BDSM scene. One doe not become a servant over night and a Dom does not become a Dom overnight. There are schools such as The BDSM Training Academy that can teach you how to excel and become an excellent player, there are also retreats and meet ups where you can learn techniques and skills needed to play safe, provide orgasm and have fun with the experience.

I savagely stand by my heart and mind that fetishes that include harming kids, animals, blood etc. are not forms of play but acts of traumatic distress. You are not on the same level if you enjoy the smell of an orange or to caress a breast while releasing. If you want to be spanked until your cherry red, this is your prerogative but there is a difference between abuse, kink, and fetish. You need to make sure you know where that line is and that you never cross it. Create a safe word or action (in case your mouth is tied) that your partner will understand to mean stop. Some Sexual Behavior experts do agree that fetishes can come from seeing inappropriate sexual behavior in early childhood or from abuse. These fetishes develop in the early life and grow as an individual progresses through life.

Most kinks and fetishes are not a disorder by definition. It all depends on the level of intense lasting distress. You need to adopt the belief that if pleasure is the end goal, it is OK. If you are forcing them to take part in any activity, this is not and will never be OK. You or someone you know should seek professional help if the behavior becomes compulsive, desperate and/or distressed to the level of becoming suicidal.

Of course, some fetishes are harmless. “Adult baby diaper lovers” is a practice by 1,800 men and 140 women according to a recent study. Most of the subjects reported they were “comfortable” with their fetish and saw no problem in practice it. This can be said for individuals who enjoy bondage, discipline or BDSM. If everyone agrees, the chances are no one is getting hurt in a way that is extreme or permanent and everyone.
Know that people can fetishize almost anything. Studies show that body parts such as feet, body features such as obesity, piercings, tattoos and splooshing are some of the top activities. When the fixation is on one body part, this is known as partialism. This involves one body part that is isolated and sexually charged or objectified. Body fluid, body size and hair fetishes are some of the other things that people fetishize. Sometimes clothes worn on the hips and legs such as stockings and skirts are at the top of the list for some. Some like to dress in furry animal costumes or have their partners do it.

Is Sex Really A Selling Point?

There is a preconceived notion that many people have about specific sectors of the adult industry.  For brick and mortars, they constantly contend with the stereotypical idea that the stores are seedy with sticky floors and men walking around in trench coats – not a place for women, the home pleasure parties peddle sex toys, pornography and catering to over-sexed women with unusual desires.   Fortunately, these stereotypes and antiquated perceptions have been dispelled and are continually being eliminated through the creation of beautifully decorated storefronts that promise a sex positive/female positive shopping experience once you enter those doors.

The same holds true for the home pleasure party sector.  Our particular sector has been around for decades, going into women’s homes all over the world, bringing products and promises of better sexual experiences.  Consultants have a specific mission: to book parties – to get into women’s homes and talk about sex and sell products.  Because we have to literally get our feet into our customer’s doors, the pitch of the home party professional has to be a little different than that of the brick and mortar owner, who only has to unlock the door and turn on the “Open” sign to get customers.  Or the internet outlet that utilizes social media to gain business.

So, the question that comes to mind is: Is sex a selling point?

From the invitations to the choices of products to the presentations, displays and games, the home pleasure party has essentially taken the “X” out of sex when it comes to presenting sex toys in customer homes.  This evolution occurred out of necessity – the necessity to book parties – to get in the door.  Our sector learned to soften the message and delivery to make buying sex toys more palatable and justifiable.

The current popularity of the phrase “sexual health and well-being” is one that actually put a phrase to an action that was already happening in the home party sector – we just hadn’t attached a catch phrase to what we were doing.  In any product presentation at a home pleasure party, you’ll hear words, phrases and product descriptions that promote intimacy; encourage more intense orgasms.  You’ll hear presentations that encourage fun couple’s play, self-love and exploration, vaginal health, prostate health.  What you won’t here are those words that are perceived to be on the dirtier side of the sexual spectrum.  Home pleasure party plan consultants encourage and support sexual prowess not sexual predator.

This method wasn’t created because the home party professional thought she was a notch above any other sectors – no.  This method was created in order to get bookings – to make a living selling sex toys to women who needed to be provided with justification for bringing a woman selling sex toys into their homes.  The home party professional had to convince the hostess that she was a trailblazer – ahead of her time – she was bringing her friends into the brave new world of sexual exploration! And still although on a different plane, the home party professional is still convincing her customers that they are goddesses – but sexual health and well-being goddesses now instead of trailblazers.

The home party sector leans toward a softer sell, encouraging conversations about discovering one’s pleasure centers and their boundaries and encouraging play and sharing with a partner (most likely monogamous couples)…but no judgement, it’s all beautiful.  This isn’t a judgement about the home party plan sector or any other sector of the adult industry, just an observation of how the marketing for this particular customer base is slightly different than that of any other sector.

In the home pleasure party sector, 96% of purchases are made by women. One major reason for this is because many home pleasure party plan companies only offer all female parties.  This not only encourages women to be more open about their sexuality it diffuses/takes the edge off the idea of discussing/imagining the sexual tension which intercourse involves.  Focusing on the sexual wellness aspect also ‘gives permission’ to home party goers to feel okay about their individual sexual needs and helps them recognize the need to enhance their sexual activities with their partners thus making purchases that will make the outcome of those experiences more meaningful to advancing the relationship.

For the home pleasure party sector and other sectors of the industry, selling sexual health may make our jobs easier and perhaps even more profitable.  You’re not only providing a product, you’re providing a service.  So think about steps you can take to remove the ‘X’ from ‘sex’ and party on!

Tamara Bell, Kim Varner Join Sexpert.com as Editors-in-Chief

LOS ANGELES — Tamara Bell and Kim Varner have been appointed by Dr. Ava Cadell as editors-in-chief of Sexpert.com.

Sexpert.com was founded in 1996 by Cadell and utilizes experts from across the industry to provide “resources, articles, blogs, vlogs, reviews and a broad range of information about all things related to sex education and sexual health and wellness,” a rep said.

“Tamara is well-suited for this position as a 30-year veteran in the sexual health and wellness arena. She is a certified love coach whose primary business is Lady T Coaching,” continued the rep. “She is also an ACS-certified sex educator. Two To Tease is her 25- year-old independent pleasure party company. She is very knowledgeable and well-known across the industry.”

Kim Varner has operated her independent home pleasure party planning company, Kymbra’s Closet, for 17 years; she founded the workshop “Fun with Fellatio: A Hands-on Guide to Giving Good Head” that she licenses to others in the industry, and Kymbra’s Girl Stag, a bachelorette-themed party company.

“She is a certified loveologist, an ACS-certified sex educator and a published author,” the rep noted. “Kim is a trained course designer and developer, and she utilizes this skill set to enhance the effectiveness and performance of other people in this industry. She has developed and conducted training countless sessions over the years.”

Direct inquiries to Bell at [email protected] and Varner at [email protected].

Find Loveology University online here.

https://www.xbiz.com/news/265040/tamara-bell-kim-varner-join-sexpert-com-as-editors-in-chief

The Ins & Outs Of Female Anatomy

Some people remain clueless about female genital anatomy and for good reason, as they’ve likely had no formal instruction on the topic. Education often involves knowledge imparted from friends and schoolmates and perhaps a talk from a parent on the “birds and the bees,” generally less than adequate means. “Sex Ed” classes in junior high school (a.k.a. middle school) were cursory and insufficient. Your dad’s Playboy, your mom’s Cosmo and other magazines may have provided some insight, but were certainly not the gospel. Pornography offers a totally skewed perspective. As a consequence, most people have been educated through practical experience with their own vagina or with those of sexual partners. Although there is no substitute for “hands on” experience, a bit of vaginal academics is certainly a good addition to practical experience.

For many men—and women for that matter—the vagina is a dark and mysterious place, a “black hole” of human anatomy, hidden in the deep recesses of the body. This landscape is complex terrain and unfortunately does not come with a topographical map explaining its intricate subterranean geography.

The following are quotes about the vagina from Tom Hickman’s book: “God’s Doodle: The Life and Times of the Penis”:

“A place of procreative darkness, a sinister place from which blood periodically seeped as if from a wound.”

“Even when made safe, men feared the vagina, already attributed mysterious sexual power – did it not conjure up a man’s organ, absorb it, milk it, spit it out limp?”

The objective of this blog is to explore and demystify the vagina to help you comprehend and navigate its complexities. Knowledge is power and whether female or male, a greater understanding and appreciation of the anatomy, function and nuances of this curious and special female body part will most certainly prove useful.

Female Genital Anatomy 101

The hidden female nether parts and their inner workings are a mystery zone to a surprising number of women. Many falsely believe that the “pee hole” and the “vagina hole” are one and the same…not surprising given that lady parts are much more unexposed, subtle and complex than the more obviously exposed man parts. However, what lies between the thighs is more complicated and intricate than one might think…. three openings, two sets of lips, swellings, glands, erectile tissue, muscles and more.

Let’s first set the record straight on the difference between the vagina and vulva, geography that is often confused. When referring to external visible “girly” anatomy, most people incorrectly speak of the “vagina”—this is actually the “vulva,” divided in half by a midline slit known in medical jargon as the pudendal cleft or cleft of Venus or in slang terms, “camel toe.” The “vagina,” on the other hand, is the internal, flexible, cylindrical, muscular passageway that extends from vulva to cervix (neck of the uterus). The vaginal opening on the vulva is known in medical terms as the vaginal introitus. Further down south is the landscape between the vulva and the anus known in medical jargon as the perineum or in slang terms, “taint.”

vagina-blog-1

(Anatomy of the vulva by OpenStax College – Anatomy & Physiology, Connexions Web site., Jun 19, 2013., CC BY 3.0, no changes made to original)

Bottom Line: The vulva is external, the vagina internal. Good to remember.

Fact: The word “vulva” derives from the Latin “cunnus” (hence the derivation of the slang C-word. The word “vagina” derives from the Latin word for “sheath,” a cover for the blade of a knife or sword, an apt term.

vagina-blog-2

Above image (public domain) entitled “Vagina Collage”…note that it should be entitled  “Vulva Collage”

Many Functions Of The Vagina

The vagina is an amazingly versatile and multifunctional organ that is truly a “cave of wonders.” Beyond being a sexual organ, it is an inflow pathway and receptacle for semen, an exit pathway for menstrual blood, and a birth canal. It is not simply a passive channel, but an active and dynamic, highly responsive passageway that has the capacity for voluntary muscular contraction.

Anatomy Of The Vagina

The average depth of the vagina (without sexual stimulation) is 3-4 inches or so, but with sexual stimulation and arousal, the vagina is capable of considerable expansion and distension to a much greater potential. The elasticity of the vagina is truly impressive (perhaps the most elastic and stretchable organ in the body), with the ability to stretch to accommodate a full-term infant and then return to a relatively normal caliber. The width of the vagina varies throughout its length, narrowest at the vaginal opening and increasing in diameter throughout its depth. It is typically about 1 inch in diameter at the external opening.

Joke from Maxim.com:

  1. Just how deep is the average vagina?
  2. Deep enough for a man to lose his house, his car, his dog and half of all his savings and assets…

All vaginas are unique with a great variety in shape, size and even color, similar to variations in penile anatomy. The vagina is a banana-shaped structure and when a woman lies down on her back, the more external part of the vagina (closest to the vaginal opening) is straight, and the inner, deeper part angles/curves downwards towards the sacral bones (the lower part of the vertebral column that forms the back bony part of the pelvis). This vaginal “axis” often changes with aging and childbirth.

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Banana representing vaginal axis, with inner portion curved towards sacrum and outer portion straight (Thank you Pixabay for image)

Fact: Although the vagina recovers remarkably well after childbirth, anatomy does generally change to some extent. Pelvic examination is usually easily able to distinguish between women who have and have not had children vaginally. Of note, elective C-section (no labor) preserves vaginal anatomy. Women who have an enlarged vaginal outlet due to childbirth may have difficulty in satisfactorily “accommodating” the penis, resulting in the vagina merely “surrounding” the penis rather than firmly “squeezing” it, with the end result being diminished sensation for both partners.

The vagina has pleats and corrugations called rugae that maximize the elasticity and stretchiness of the vagina. They are accordion-like ruffles and ridges that supply texture, which increase friction for the penis during sexual intercourse. In a young woman they are prominent, but with aging they tend to disappear.

Fact: Vaginal rugae are like tread on a tire…in young women they appear like deep grooves on a new snow tire, whereas in older women they appear like thinning tire tread, completely bald at their most extreme…aging can be cruel.

The vaginal wall has an inner lining of “skin” known as epithelium, which is surrounded by connective tissues and a muscular coat. The vaginal muscle is comprised of an inner layer that is circular in orientation and an outer layer that is oriented longitudinally. Contraction of the inner muscle tightens the vagina. Contraction of the outer muscle shortens and widens the vagina. The vagina is secured within a “bed” of powerful pelvic floor muscles.

To better understand vaginal anatomy, it is useful to divide it arbitrarily into thirds: outer, inner and middle. The outer and inner thirds are where “all the action is,” the outer third being the hub of sexuality, the inner third the hub of reproduction and the middle third essentially a connection between the inner and outer thirds.

Outer third: The outer third of the vagina is rich in nerve fibers and is the most sensitive part of the vagina. The “orgasmic platform” is the Masters and Johnson term for the anatomical “base” that responds to sexual arousal and stimulation with pelvic blood congestion. It consists of the outer third of the vagina and the engorged inner lips.

Middle third: The middle third is a conduit connecting the outer and inner thirds.

Inner third: The cervix (opening to the uterus) sits in the inner third of the vagina. Its presence within the deep vagina defines the deepest recesses of the vagina, which are referred to as the fornices (singular fornix), derived from the Latin word for “arches.” The largest fornix is the one behind the cervix (posterior fornix) with the two smaller fornices above and to the sides of the cervix (anterior and lateral fornices).

Question: What do you think is the origin of the word “fornicate”?

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Image above:  Uterus, Cervix and Inner Third Vagina from Dr. Johannes Sobotta – Sobotta’s Atlas and Text-book of Human Anatomy 1906, note the vaginal rugae and the relationship of the cervix with the inner vagina

Fact: In the man-on top sexual intercourse position, the penis reaches the anterior fornix, while in the rear-entry position it reaches the posterior fornix.

The Pelvic Floor Muscles And The Vagina

The pelvic floor muscles play a pivotal role with respect to vaginal and sexual function, their contractions facilitating and enhancing sexual response. They contribute to arousal, sensation during intercourse and the ability to clench the vagina and firmly “grip” the penis. The strength and durability of their contractions are directly related to orgasmic potential since the pelvic muscles are the “motor” that drives sexual climax and can be thought of as the powerhouse of the vagina. During orgasm, the pelvic floor muscles “shudder.”

There is great variety in the bulk, strength, power and voluntary control of the pelvic floor muscles that support the vagina. Some women are capable of powerfully “snapping” their vaginas, whereas others cannot generate even a weak flicker.

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Image above: Female pelvic floor muscles, illustration by Ashley Halsey from The Kegel Fix

Fact: “Pompoir” is a sexual technique in which a woman contracts her pelvic floor and vaginal muscles rhythmically to stimulate the penis without the need for pelvic motion or thrusting. Women who diligently practice Kegel exercises can develop powerful pelvic floor muscles and become particularly adept at this technique resulting in extreme vaginal “dexterity” and the ability to refine pulling, pushing, locking, gripping, pulsing, squeezing and twisting motions, which can provide enough stimulation to bring a male to climax. 

Fact: “Penis Captivus” is a rare condition in which a male’s erect penis becomes stuck within a female’s vagina. It is thought to be on the basis of intense contractions of the pelvic floor muscles, causing the vaginal walls to clamp down and entrap the penis. It usually is a brief event and after female orgasm and/or male ejaculation, withdrawal becomes possible. However, it sometimes requires medical attention with a couple showing up in the emergency room tightly connected, like Siamese twins. Not a good call to 911!

Sexual Function And The Vagina

Under normal circumstances, the vagina is not “primed” for sex and is little more prepared for intercourse than is a flaccid penis. The un-stimulated vagina is essentially a closed “potential space” in which the vaginal roof and floor are in contact. With sexual stimulation, the vagina expands with lengthening and widening of its inner two-thirds and flattening of the rugae. The cervix and uterus pull up and back. Pelvic blood flow increases and the vaginal walls undergo a “sweating-like” reaction as a result of pelvic blood congestion, creating a slippery and glistening film. Most of the lubrication is based upon seepage from this increased blood flow, but some comes from Bartholin’s and Skene’s glands. Bartholin’s glands are paired, pea-size glands that drain just below and to each side of the vagina. During sexual arousal they secrete small drops of fluid, resulting in moistening of the opening of the vagina. Skene’s glands are paired glands that drain just above and to each side of the urethral opening. They are the female equivalent of the male prostate gland and secrete fluid with arousal.

With sexual excitement and stimulation, in addition to vaginal lubrication from increased pelvic blood flow, there is congestion and engorgement of the vulva, vagina and clitoris.

Fact: The profound vaginal changes that occur during sexual arousal and stimulation are entirely analogous to the changes that occur during male arousal: expansion of penis length and girth, retraction of the testicles towards the groin, and the release of pre-ejaculate fluid.

With increasing stimulation and arousal, physical tension within the genitals gradually builds and once sufficient intensity and duration of sexual stimulation surpass a threshold, involuntary rhythmic muscular contractions occur of the vagina, uterus, anus and pelvic floor muscles, followed by the release of accumulated erotic tension (a.k.a. orgasm) and a euphoric state. Thereafter, the genital engorgement and congestion subside, muscle relaxation occurs and a peaceful state of physical and emotional bliss and afterglow become apparent.

Fact: Anatomy can affect potential for experiencing sexual climax.

Sexual intercourse results in indirect clitoral stimulation. The clitoral shaft moves rhythmically with penile thrusting by virtue of penile traction on the inner lips, which join together to form the hood of the clitoris. However, if the vaginal opening is too wide to permit the penis to put enough traction on the inner lips, there will be limited clitoral stimulation and less satisfaction in the bedroom. Furthermore, studies have suggested that a larger clitoris that is closer to the vaginal opening is more likely to be stimulated during penetrative sexual intercourse.

At the time of sexual climax, some women are capable of “ejaculating” fluid. The nature of this fluid has been controversial, thought by some to be hyper-lubrication and others to be Bartholin’s and/or Skene’s gland secretions. There are certain women who “ejaculate” very large volumes of fluid at climax and studies have shown this to be urine released because of an involuntary bladder contraction that can accompany orgasm.

Fact: “Persistent genital arousal disorder” is a rare sexual problem characterized by unwanted, unremitting and intrusive arousal, genital engorgement and multiple orgasms without sexual interest or stimulation. It causes great distress to those suffering with it and there are no known effective treatments. It typically does not resolve after orgasm.

The G-Spot—named after German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg—was first described in 1950 and was believed to be an erogenous zone located on the upper wall of the vagina, anatomically situated between the vagina and the urethra (urinary channel). Stimulation of this spot was thought to promote arousal and vaginal orgasm.

Fact: There is little scientific support for the existence of the G-spot as a discrete anatomical entity; however, many women feel that they possess an area on the roof of the vagina that is a particularly sensitive pleasure zone. Although its existence remains controversial, the G-spot is certainly a powerful social phenomenon.

Regular sexual activity is vital for maintaining the ability to have ongoing satisfactory sexual intercourse with the vagina staying fit and healthy if one remains sexually active, as nature intended. Vaginal penetration increases pelvic and vaginal blood flow, optimizing lubrication and elasticity, while orgasms tone and strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that support vaginal function“Disuse atrophy” is a condition when the vagina adapts to not being used, with thinning and fragility of the vaginal walls and weakness of the pelvic floor muscles. Use it or lose it!

Build Up Your Stamina: Exercise for Better Orgasms

Photo by Yaroslav Shuraev from Pexels

We use muscles when we have sex that we typically don’t use in our day to day lives. If you tend to be huffing and puffing during play (not sexy!), you may want to consider preparing your body for better sex by building stamina. Stamina is necessary for good sex to happen, and bring you through to orgasm.

Often, I am asked about ways to increase stamina that does not involve medicine and folks are surprised when I simply recommend exercise.Yes, exercise is the best way to increase stamina and not some magical pill.

How Does Stamina Help With Sex?

Photo by Marcus Aurelius from Pexels

Stamina helps in maintaining positions, rhythm, and endurance. This requires some resistance and interval training. While core power is needed because thrusting comes from the abs and low back,and strong abs allow you to control your belly, building up your upper body strength is also key. Some positions require you to balance your weight safely and over longer periods of time. Flexibility comes into play as well. Take the time to stretch your muscles regularly to be able to move into various positions with ease.

There are many exercises that you can do to build stamina. You must be consistent with them and you should make sure that you are doing the exercise correctly to receive the full benefit. Always check with your doctor before you start any workout regimen.

Stamina Exercises: Warm Up First!


Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Start with a warm up before you get into the meat of a session. A few warm-up exercises include stretching, jumping jacks, side-to-side lunges and moving the lower back.

A great engagement of the entire body is sandbag lunges. Hold the sandbag against your chest with your arms curled around it from the underside. Take one large step. Lower your body into the lunge until the forward leg reaches a 90-degree angle bend. Your back knee should only just hover from the floor. You should feel this stretch. Hold for 30 seconds.

Kegels

Of course, as I am always saying, Kegels are very important when it comes to sex play. They strengthen the pelvic floor and engages your core. You should work you way up to holding a Kegel for up to 15 seconds each time.

Inchworm

For a warmup or an exercise, you can do the inch worm exercise. With this you are standing, you bend at the waist and place your hands on the floor in front of you. Start to walk forward on your hands keeping your feet still. Walk out as far as you can, hold the position for seconds and then walk back to the bending position. This exercise includes your arms, shoulder, and core.

Couples Workout

Make your workout sexy and erotic with your partner(s). Perform exercises together, using each other’s bodies to complete exercises. You may have seen a video by now of sex workouts that are very, very erotic. These sessions bring individuals closer together as multiple senses are be tantalized.

Here are a few exercises that will get your motors running:

Single Leg Lunge

An exercise in which you will be holding your hands crossed and lunging toward each other one at a time is called a single leg lunge. These lunges work your quads, calves, thighs, and butt muscles.

Assisted Ham String Curls

Assisted ham string curls stimulate your large muscles behind the thighs is the lying hamstring curl. You will be sitting on your mates’ hips and lifting their legs up, while they are pushing it down.

Lying Leg Abduction

A lying leg abduction is when one party is lying on the floor with their arms out and the other is kneeling between their legs and stretching the legs apart. This strengthens the inner thigh muscles and the abductors.

Alternate Leg Abduction

An alternate leg abduction is to have one party lie on their side and lift their leg as the partner tries to push the leg back down. This works the outer thigh.

Leg Lifts

Someone lies on the floor with their head between the other’s legs as they are standing. You pull your legs up to their outstretched hands and then lets the leg back down.

The Wheelbarrow

Get in the wheelbarrow position and do a push up as your partner holds your legs at 30-45 degrees.

Couple’s Sit-ups

Have your partner lie on their back and push you away from them and pull them back down in a sit-up. Lie on their back and lay on top of them, lock hands and push down and up. They can also push you away as far as can be safely sustained.

Stamina is Sexy!

Making your workouts sexy will keep you engaged in doing them. Stamina is needed during sexual play, there is no real way around it. Sex works better when you move around and can last long.

I Seduce You; You Seduce Me

The Seduction of a Story

This is the first of a three-part article specifically aimed at you, my fellow naughty scribes. Indeed, we are like most fiction writers in that we endeavor to simply tell a good story, build rich, interesting characters, set time and place in a way where the reader can ‘feel’ themselves in the action. But between our beginning, the middle meat of the tale, and some sort of satisfying end, an erotic story needs to have some sure heat in it. The level of that heat and where it leads, if anywhere at all, is up to you. How you mix that heat with the real world or even otherworldly elements, this too is only for you to determine. But I believe almost all erotic fiction (notice I say “almost all” there are exceptions to any rule) needs have the progression of seduction, foreplay, and climax.

So, let’s start with seduction.

I can’t tell you how to set up the seduction of your story. God knows, these days, your possibilities are limitless on how seduction can come off. It could happen in email, Twitter, or when two people bump into each other in a Starbucks’ line. It might take all of a paragraph and represent the moment we first meet your characters, as it can last for pages. I’ve as much written drawn-out slow dances of fits and starts or the grand big complicated tease as I have Whammo Bango ‘let’s get it on,’ explosions of realizations. One person might recognize a fellow kinkster sitting across from them in their college study hall, and these sophomores manage to squirrel away to an empty classroom for some mutual bare ass spankings minutes after they meet. Another couple might bump into one another at different junctures of history and try to bring off their attraction only to be thwarted at every turn by some supernatural element, their seduction therefore taking decades.

Again, your possibilities are limitless.

As most likely, your seduction will come at the beginning of your story; it can serve multiple purposes. As much a solid place to begin your heated scribbling, during the seduction, you can also introduce characters (as mentioned up above), as you could set a location or slip in the overall theme of your tale right from the jump. Here too, might be the place or impetus for the supernatural element to be made plain or for you to tickle the beginnings of a mystery you slowly reveal across your pages. The seduction scene might also birth a subplot or two.

But be cautioned, as always, when writing erotica; we need to balance the heat with how much exposition we slip in. Whatever you bring to the seduction(s) scenes (setting, the complexity of character, introducing a MacGuffin) to just ‘info-dump’ because you have the room to do so is not always the best course. I’ve seen many a writer (me included) begin a story, bring a handful of characters together, settle on a juicy little seduction scene, sprinkle in a whole bunch of other elements, but then end up stymied for the next steps worrying they (I) have already blown their (my) load.

Think of the seduction as the first bloom of heat between your characters. It’s the set-up, clumsy or sly, dangerous portent or promise of passages hotter than any E.L. James, an easy entre’ to a metered romance or the reluctant happenstance of a moment two people know they should avoid at all costs, but simply cannot.

Make of it what you will.

But remember, the essential part of writing the seduction of your story is… you won’t be able to apply any of what I have just advised unless you first write it.

So, start writing.