Tantric Massage to Sexually Arouse Your Lover

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February 28, 2022

How to Give a Full-body Sensual Massage to Your Lover

Massage is a great way to relieve tension, improve blood circulation, move energy around the body and sexually arouse your lover! Massage is also a mutually satisfying way of helping couples exhibit intimacy for one another. Ours is a culture starved for touch, and massage is a quick, easy means to feed this hunger.

“Easy?” You may be asking yourself. Well, you don’t need to be a certified massage therapist to give a great Tantric massage. The most important component of a great massage is the desire to please your lover. So, here are some suggestions.

Setting The Mood

For starters, set the mood for a romantic environment by dimming the lights, burning some candles and incense, playing your lover’s favorite relaxing music and warming the room so that both of you will be comfortable. I know pretty soon you’ll be making enough heat of your own, but it’s always best to start at a temperature in which you are both comfortable especially since you should both be naked.

You can use scented mineral oil, massage oil or essential oils, or edible massage creams, lotions or powder. The choice is yours, but for the sake of this Tantric massage, I’ll assume you are using some kind of oil.

Begin with the Back Side

About two tablespoons of oil should be enough to start with. Pour the oil into your hands first and then rub your hands together so that they will be nice and warm to the touch. Then place your hands on your lover’s lower back and let your hands glide up your lovers back all the way up to the neck, around the shoulders and
back down, over the buttocks and the Rosebud.

“The touch of love and compassion. Whatever you love to do, you will do well.” -Dr. Ava

The Hand Slide

Now that you’ve got the oil on your lover’s back, begin with your hands parallel to each other and slide them down each side of the spine, massaging all the way down to the lower back and over the buttocks. Move your hands up all the way to the neck, over the shoulders and down the arms to the fingertips. Repeat this motion
at least six times. As you do this, ask your lover for feedback. If he/she is not the talkative type, then just know that it’s better to make the massage too soft than too strong. Remember, it’s all about giving as much pleasure as you can.

Pull-U Ups

For variation, try alternating one hand after the other as you pull up and stroke the sides of your lover’s body. Start by placing both of your hands over one of your lover’s hips and then gently pull up towards the spine. Move your hands to the waist and pull up towards the spine. Then take your hands to the side of the chest or breast and pull up towards the spine. Put your hands just under the armpits and pull up towards the spine. Don’t forget to do both sides.

Kneading

If you have ever kneaded pizza or bread dough, then this technique will be a breeze but if you haven’t, try squeezing your lover’s back and buttocks between your thumb and fingers in a flowing motion (not too hard) with one hand, and then with the other hand. Now slide your hands to another area on the back and repeat until your lover has been well kneaded from neck to buttocks. The fleshy parts of the body like the buttocks can stand more pressure, so feel free to squeeze just a little harder and gently spread the cheeks as you knead. This can be very exciting for the receiver.

“A loving, faithful partner is the greatest treasure.” -Dr. Ava

Feather Stroke

Before you move onto the thighs, caress your lover’s neck, shoulders, arms, back and buttocks with your fingertips in a very light feather stroke for at least five minutes. If you have fingernails, gently scratch your lover with them. You can do this in circular motions, long fluid motions or from side to side. Let your light, tickly strokes and caresses create sensual anticipation for your lover as he/she won’t know where you are going to tickle, scratch or touch next. If you have medium to long hair and you don’t mind getting oil in it, then I highly recommend you use your hair to caress your lover’s body. It is very erotic and highly memorable.

Foot Caress

You’ll probably need more oil now so don’t forget to put it in your hands first, then onto your lover’s body. Now do the hand slide technique on the thigh and calf in slow motion. Follow this with the kneading stroke and then the feathery one. Do one leg at a time. The feet are a major erogenous zone so let’s give those tootsies some attention! Take one foot at a time and smother it in oil, spreading it around the ankle, the heel and in between the toes. Now use the palm of your hand to slide over the bottom of your lover’s foot back
and forth about four times. Gently rotate every toe clockwise and counter-clockwise and finally slither your forefinger between each toe. Gently pull each toe away from the body.

Turn your Lover Over

Your lover will probably have a smile on his/her face because your massage is so relaxing and sensual. Let’s continue the massage by focusing on the stomach and chest/breasts. Rub plenty of massage oil in your hands and then put your hands lightly on top of the belly button, slowly sliding them up the center of your lover’s stomach and around their nipples, then back down to the belly button. Do this at least five times because it feels really good and it’s moving energy around the body. Be very gentle around female breasts. The male
chest can handle a firmer stroke. In fact the male chest can even handle some kneading whereas feather strokes are more appropriate and pleasurable on and around the female breasts/Pillows of Compassion. Don’t forget to use your hair on your lover’s body.

“Joy is contagious. People never tire of being in the company of a happy person.” -Dr. Ava

Nipple Massage

Both men and women have sensation in their nipples (some more than others) so here’s your opportunity to find out how sensitive your lover’s nipples are by giving them a nipple massage. Use your thumb and index finger to gently massage the nipple in a rotating motion moving clockwise then counter-clockwise. Ask for feedback so that you get the pressure just right. Place your hand gently over the nipple and roll it in the palm of your hand. Finally, using your thumb and third finger, gently pull up on the nipple so that you are elongating it. Do one nipple at a time and make sure that all of these motions are done in slow motion. Observe your lover’s body language and listen for pleasure moans and groans. Ask your lover to rate the nipple massage from 1-10 on a pleasure scale with 10 being the best.

Side Pull-U Ups

When doing the side pull-ups, draw your lover’s body toward you with the palms of your hands alternating one hand after the other. Do this motion from starting at the hips, moving to the waist, then the side of the chest/breast and to the armpits just as you did on the back side.

Moving Down South

Before you get to the sexual organs, you should massage the front of the legs and feet as you did on the other side using all the strokes you have learned so far. Remember the hand slide, pull-ups, kneading, and feather stroke. Always end with the feather stroke using your fingertips, nails and/or hair.

Yoni Massage

On the female genitals/Yoni, you might want to use a water-based lubricant because if oil gets inside the vagina, it can cause irritation. Put it in your hands and rub your hands together before placing them on her yoni. Start by focusing on the vulva which is the outside visible area of the vagina by rubbing the lubricant around her Yoni in circular motions.

Her Landing Strip/Perineum

Gently rub the massage oil or lube around her Yoni lips all the way down to her Rosebud. Using the pad of your thumb, trace the outline of her Rosebud and then slowly slide your thumb up the landing strip (perineum) from her Rosebud to her Yoni opening.

His Landing Strip/Perineum

Slowly slide your fingers up and down the perineum from his Jewels to his Rosebud. Feel for a small indentation the size of a pea midway and gently press inward with your thumbs. This area is called the Million Dollar Point in Taoism and many men are able to feel their Hero Spot through this point.

“Compliments are the bedrock of romance so give them freely.” -Dr. Ava

Two-L Lips

Then gently part her outer lips with both of your thumbs and caress them in circular motions for at least two minutes. Next, slide your thumbs up and down her outer lips until they are spread apart, and then do the same with her inner lips. The inner lips are more sensitive than the outer lips so use less pressure. Watch for her body language and for the swelling of her Yoni lips, which is a natural progression when a woman gets sexually aroused.

Pearl Massage

Gently pull the clitoral hood back from the Pearl to expose it. Then gently slide your thumb and forefinger up and down the sides of the Pearl for about ten strokes. You may feel it growing as it becomes more excited. The clitoris can grow three to four times its normal size when it’s fully engorged. Next massage the head of the Pearl in circular motions using your forefinger or thumb. Don’t be surprised if she has a body melting, earth shattering orgasm. The Pearl has 8000 nerve fibers and it’s the primary sexual organ for a woman. Most women are capable of having a clitoral orgasm when it is stimulated. In Tantra this is called “Riding the Wave” when a woman can have multiple orgasms.

Lingam Massage

Put plenty of massage oil in your hands and warm it up by rubbing it with both hands, then slowly spread it all over the Lingam and Jewels. Next place one hand on the shaft of his Lingam and start stoking it in an up and down motion while the other hand gently encircles his Jewels. Do this in slow motion for at least three minutes.

Making the Fire

Rub his Lingam with both hands as if rubbing a stick to make a fire. This is a sure way to light his fire!

Spiraling the Stalk

Both hands go in opposite directions in a corkscrew motion over the lingam. One hand twists up while the other hand twists downwards.

Wet and Wild

Now concentrate on just massaging his Lingam from the top to the bottom covering the glans (head) and sliding your hands down to the base with one hand after another in a fluid motion. Do this for about ten strokes and don’t be surprised if he suddenly climaxes because this stroke feels like he’s inside a tight wet Yoni.

“The important thing is not what others think of you, but what you think of you.” -Dr. Ava

A Happy Ending!

When you have completed your Tantric massage, gently remove your hands, kiss your lover on the lips and give them a Tantric hug. When giving a massage, always remember to let your lover lead you to the places he or she would like to be massaged the most. Be sure to respond to your lover’s needs.

Combine stroking and pressure. Keep in mind, fleshy parts of the body (thighs, arms, buttocks) can stand more pressure than less fleshy parts like necks and ankles. While you’re massaging, ask your lover to give you feedback in a positive way like, “I love having my nipples massaged.” Or, “It feels so good when you use your hair on my chest.” By exploring your lover’s body, you will enhance your relationship and you will find
new areas of sexual excitement that will expand your sexual horizon. Massage is all about giving the most pleasure to your lover that you possibly can. It is a wonderful way to express yourself.

Don’t forget to take turns. It’s important that you learn to receive massages as well as give them. Relax and enjoy!

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Love Coach Tips – Ask Dr. Ava!

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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February 26, 2022

Twenty Tips on How to Become an Amazing Love Coach

As a world renowned Sexologist and Love Coach (voted Sex Coach of the Year 2015 by the Sexual Health Expo), and founder of Loveology University, Dr. Ava Cadell has been mentoring Love Coaching students for many years and has many Love Coach tips!

Here are her top 20 Love Coach tips on how to become a Love Coach!

Twenty Tips on How to Become an Amazing Love Coach:

Let clients know your credentials up front, including specialties.
Let them know you offer Love Coaching: an interactive role as a coach, not a medical or therapeutic adviser.
Find out what your client specifically needs coaching for, by asking key questions.
Be truthful and let clients know if they are realistic and if you can help them, rather than disappointing them.
Discuss fees and forms of payment up front.
Discuss length of time for suggested coaching sessions up front.
Have clients fill out and sign a Love Coaching Agreement and Disclaimer before you begin working with them.
In the first session, fill out the client’s questionnaire form to find out why they are seeking Love Coaching with you.
Guide clients to focus on future success rather than past failures.
Assist clients to monitor their successes and celebrate their accomplishments.
Act as a sounding board and just listen.
Teach tools and techniques that clients can use to achieve their personal goals.
Keep your boundaries professional and respectful at all times.
Explore new goal-reaching options and give clients homework (lovework) assignments to help them achieve their chosen goals.
Prepare written developmental plan of action steps, timelines and methods to assess their progress.
Supply extra resources such as books, articles and referrals on relevant issues.
Continually monitor client progress and provide feedback allowing client to flourish.
Suggest clients seek other forms of counseling or therapy if needed.
Let clients know Love Coaching can be used concurrently with (not in place of) other professional analysis.
Always end each session on a high note by thanking them and encouraging them that their goals are attainable.

–From: “Coaching the Love Coach” course, which is a part of LoveUniv.com’s Love Coach Certificate program.

Take a look at our Certified Love Coach program NOW to get started in one of the top professions in the world. Become a Certified Love Coach!

Sexual “Afterglow” Lasts 48 Hours

By

Anka Radakovich

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February 21, 2022

It turns out that sexual afterglow lasts a bit longer than that after-sex cigarette. A new study called “Quantifying the Sexual Afterglow,” The Lingering Benefits of Sex and Their Implications for Pair-Bonded Relationships” says afterglow actually lasts about 48 hours. Who knew?

The study, published in Psychological Science, says that it’s an evolutionary thing. “Sex presumably facilitates pair bonding, but how do partners remain pair-bonded between sexual acts?” the researchers asked. “Evolutionary perspectives suggest that sexual afterglow serves this purpose. We explored how long sexual satisfaction would remain elevated following sex, and predicted that stronger sexual afterglow would characterize more satisfying partnerships.”

The scientists studied 215 newlyweds, and asked them to rate their daily sexual activity, because, well newlyweds probably do it more often than anyone else does. (Oddly though, the sexy time results only averaged out to getting laid 4 times in two weeks.)

Every night at bedtime, the newlyweds were asked to take notes. Did they have sex with their partner that day? Were they satisfied with their sex live, their spouse, and their marriage that day? A 7-point scale was used (1=not at all, 7=extremely) to rate their spouse. (People should do this in real life.)

Then the couples were asked again 4-6 months later. To test their theory, the team looked at data gathered from “two independent, longitudinal studies”, one with 96 newlywed couples and the other with 118 newlywed couples.”

“Results demonstrated that sexual satisfaction remained elevated approximately 48 hr after sex,” the study found.”Spouses experiencing a stronger afterglow reported higher levels of marital satisfaction both at baseline and over time. We interpret these findings as evidence that sexual afterglow is a proximal cognitive mechanism through which sex promotes pair bonding.” The study’s results remained consistent through all ages and sexual orientations.

Andrea Meltzer, the lead researcher on the study said. “And people with a stronger sexual afterglow—that is, people who report a higher level of sexual satisfaction 48 hours after sex—report higher levels of relationship satisfaction several months later…. This research is important because it joins other research suggesting that sex functions to keep couples pair bonded.” Like hugging and cuddling, the “feel good” hormones are at work bringing couples emotionally closer.

Affectionate young female couple relaxing on bed

In the future, the research team will study how afterglow affects other aspects of monogamous relationships, including cheating and “whether or not long term relationships result in marriages.” In the meantime, its good to know that doing something twice a week–even if it lasts for two minutes, can last two days.

Welcome to Loveology University: Higher Learning & Wellness Retreat

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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February 21, 2022

From Buddhist Temple to Loveology University

The property was the Pine Mountain Buddhist Temple Retreat for the past 23 years, known for Zen Meditation in the Ventura County Mountains of Southern California.

The residents were two Buddhist Monks, Reverend Phoebe and Reverend Seikai who made this place a labor of love by opening their home for Buddhist Teachings, Meditation Workshops and Buddhist Festivals. As soon as I met them, I felt an immediate mind, body, soul connection. When they shared their desire to move to a smaller place, I knew that this magnificent land with mountains, an abundance of trees, flowers and Buddha statues would be perfect for my Loveology Retreat! The monks left their cats Ivy and Marley for me to take care of and for them to continue living at the only home they’ve ever had.

Retreat Services

You can come here to study for your Certified Love Coach training, enjoy scenic hiking trails, relax through holistic services such as massage and water therapy, focus on love, peace and happiness through yoga and meditation, practice self-love through healing workshops, boost intimacy or connect with your family at this 45-acre paradise.

Sacred Monument

This sacred Stupa statue is a pinnacle that you must see to believe. Many believe that circumambulating a Stupa purifies negative karma and fosters realizations of the path to enlightenment. When you enter the monument, you should bow to the Buddha inside the Stupa and walk around it clockwise — an experience that can prove meditative for Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike.

Buddhist Temple

It’s important for me to maintain the integrity of the Buddhist Temple property, so I have left the Meditation room the same as when the Monks lived here. I told them that they are welcome at any time that they wish to have a Meditation Retreat.

Renovations to Retreat

The renovations include a Recreation Room with gym equipment for adults and games for kids and teens. Outdoor Yoga and Meditation under a Pergola, a Swimming Pool, Obstacle Course, Children’s Playground with Trampoline. For dining, we will have a BBQ and a Pizza Oven, as well as healthy vegan dishes to enjoy under beautiful Sunsets. Accommodation will also be available in houses or caravans, so stay tuned for more photos and our opening event party.

Passion For Parents

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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February 14, 2022

By Dr.Ava Cadell

Have your relationships evolved into a comfortable zone that feels more cool than hot?

The lack of passion in your relationship can be misinterpreted as boredom, but every year, Valentine’s Day reminds us that romance must be kept alive, even if you are parents!

In my seminars around the world, whenever I ask the audience “What Kills Passion?” the first thing that people shout out is “Children”, so I know how natural it is to put your kids first and neglect your partner’s intimate needs. But you can be a good parent and have passion in your love life by following some of these tried-and-true suggestions.

Do you remember the lust stage of your relationship when it was like the best roller coaster ride of your life? Even if it was long ago, you can tap into that memory and visualize kissing your partner passionately, while your lover fondles your body with such desire that you want to tear each other’s clothes off. This is the first step to rekindling the chemistry and passion in your love life. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between you remembering an erotic experience or having one, so either way, the effects are flooding your body with feel good endorphins. Now that you’re in the mood for some sexy time, call or text your partner to tell them that you’ve been fantasizing about a significant sexual moment in time, and you would like to reenact it as soon as possible. The journey of rekindling passion is an exciting one, once you’ve made the decision to do so and you can discover the same chemistry that you had when you first met. This can ensure that you will grow together as a couple instead of growing apart.

Apart from reenacting past dates and memorable sexual experiences, you can explore new sexual activities together by creating a sense of curiosity so that you see each other in a whole new light. Since it can be difficult to make time for regular sex, especially if you have children, make a commitment to surprise each other with a new erotic fantasy or sexual position at least once a week. The only rule is that you must focus on intimate quality time together and cannot talk about any problems!

You can also create a goal together that will lead to passion. By collaborating on a goal, such as giving each other a full body massage or doing some couples yoga, it can give you something to look forward to and invigorate your relationship. By learning something new together, you will experience shared intimacy that can lead to a more fulfilling satisfaction mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually.

Creating passion doesn’t come naturally to everyone; however, everyone is capable of being more passionate with a little coaching. So, if you want to give a truly sensual gift to your lover this year, I recommend a 4-Pack on Advanced Passionate Techniques where you will learn secrets to masterful sex including oral pleasure for men and women, sexual positions, the ancient art of Tantric sex, and G-Spot orgasms for men and women. Discover advanced sexual techniques for cunnilingus, fellatio, how to balance love energy and enjoy multiple orgasms – for women and men. Enjoy the sex life you’ve always wanted to have with no limits, no judgement, and a new array of tools and tips to enhance pleasure and orgasmic potential. https://www.loveuniv.com

Real Love Coaching Session

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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February 13, 2022

Did you know that Coaching is the fastest-growing career since Covid? More than ever, people want to find love and couples need help to maintain intimacy, so here’a a Love Coaching session video with Tamara Bell, LU’s student ambassador and mentor where I coach her through a real issue in her life.

For a Love Coach to build rapport with their clients, they must first familiarize themselves with Left and Right Brain communication styles, and utilize coaching tools that correspond. For example, if a client is predominantly right brained, they’re more likely to talk about their feelings and focus on holistic approaches to resolving their problems. Guided Imagery is a useful tool for right-brained people, helping them to visualize their goals more clearly. Write a script that beautifully describes the attainment of their desires, whether it’s a new partner or an increased sex drive, and have them relax and listen to the creative visualization, enabling them through the power of suggestion.

Another successful technique is my Passion Wheel, a pie chart drawing with twelve slices that clients fill in with activities they’d like to do with their partner. They can write ‘hugging,’ ‘kissing,’ ‘undressing,’ or ‘bubble bath,’ then the key is to pick an item daily to maintain passion. One of the simplest ways couples can boost intimacy is by listening to music with their partner, a valuable tool for a right-brainer.

With left brained clients, the Love Coach can build rapport more easily by sticking to facts and logic with techniques like my Satisfaction Scale, where they can rate how happy they are from one to ten in terms of their self-image, their relationship and sex life. Left-brained people like to measure and quantify, so this exercise speaks to their strengths. In my experience, most clients respond with an average of five or lower for each category, so as Love Coach, ask them what it would take for them to reach a ten. Left-brainers are also impressed by science, so I find that explaining how brain ‘chemical cocktails’ work with passion, love and sex helps to make a compelling case for Mindful Intimacy exercises like hugging or eye-gazing (because they release Oxytocin the “love chemical,” providing immediately noticeable results) or kissing which has been shown to reduce blood pressure, zap headaches, quell anxiety and release feel good hormones like Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Testosterone and Oxytocin. This particular brain chemical mix can increase a diminished sex drive, so my prescription for couples who want to get that loving feeling back is to kiss passionately, at least twice a day!

There are also Love Coaching techniques that appeal to both right and left brained clients simply because they are so much fun, such as touching one side of a person’s body to stimulate the other side of their brain. In fact, the power of face-to-face, voice-to-voice or skin-to-skin exercises creates a bridge between two brains, triggering Mirror Neurons as the couple watch and copy each other to feel each other’s sensations, movements and emotions.

Here’s another fascinating element to think about. Does your client communicate primarily visually, auditory, or kinesthetically (through touch)? Being aware of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) helps coaches relate better to their clients by communicating in their own language. A client may be highly auditory and speak with words like ‘listen,’ ‘tell,’ ‘speak,’ or they may be kinesthetic and use phrases like ‘I feel,’ or ‘I’m touched,’ while visual thinkers might say, ‘look,’ ‘see,’ or tend to describe things in color. It’s the coach’s job to find out how their client communicates and speak in their language to get the most successful results.

Many clients seek Love Coaching only when they are in crisis, and one of the most common reasons is that a personal boundary has been violated. But all too often that boundary was not communicated to their partner, so it’s important to help these clients empower themselves by identifying their physical, emotional and sexual boundaries, and making sure they know how to communicate them. I have an exercise that I call the Boundary Box where I suggest clients write down all their boundaries on separate pieces of paper and fill the box with them. Then they read them to me and we discuss whether they are limitations or deal-breakers, so they can mutually decide whether it’s something to be explored, or not. Some boundaries can be pushed in a healthy way! Being able to identify and articulate your boundaries gives you self-value and respect, and it can be a powerful form of communication between couples that can result in a deeper level of intimacy.

People often ask me what the most powerful Love Coaching technique is, and the answer is helping people to forgive, even if it’s just forgiving themselves. Forgiveness alters the brain’s wiring to build new neurons and let old harmful patterns go. It’s powerful to remember that at the end of one’s life, most people will say one of three things: “I’m sorry,” “I forgive you,” or “I love you.” Forgiveness is part of the meaning of life because without forgiveness there can be no love! After all, we are all going to continue to make mistakes, but without mistakes there can be no forgiveness and without forgiveness there can be no love.

I hope that you will want to empower yourself and others by becoming a Certified Love Coach. Check out the 300 hour plus curriculum, which is accredited by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, as well as the American College of Sexologists.

Enroll Now: https://www.loveuniv.com/certified-love-coach

12 Secrets to Sizzling Hot Sex

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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February 9, 2022

pexels-murat-esibatir-4355346 — Photo by murat esibatir from Pexels

Sex is the Question?

The purpose and meaning of sex has intrigued and mystified us through the ages. Various societies have wrestled with or “coped” with the power of sex in myriad ways. Far Eastern cultures regarded sex as a mystical ritual to achieve union with God. On the other hand, the decline of the Roman Empire was preceded by sexual debasement and demoralization – a complete dissociation from spirituality. Some Middle Eastern and Victorian British and American traditions have hidden sex in the closet and underneath untold yards of unnecessary clothing. Many ancient African mores perceived sex as a rite-of-passage into adulthood, a mating ritual. Some societies go around it, some view it as a “problem” and pass it on down to the next generation to deal with, and a few revel in its glory and ecstasy.

What sex is?

Sex is a precious gift to someone who is worthy to receive it. Our sexual gifts are as valuable as any other part of ourselves that we prize. Selecting the right sexual partner to give to, and receiving from the right partner, is as important a decision as choosing anything you place a high value upon. Sex has many beautiful qualities that we are coming to appreciate.

In this era of “natural ingredients”, sex is a natural “high”, perhaps even the best of nature’s uplifts. It can energize us and make us feel more creative afterward. Sex is a wonderful form of self-expression, infinitely artistic. We don’t often think
about this, but sex is an affirmation of self-confidence and self-love.

And sex can heal. Sex can renew stamina, not deplete it. It can free us from emotional wounds that have been buried deep in our body tissues, much like the experience of “Rolfing”, only sex is unforced. (Rolfing became popular about 20 years ago as a deep-tissue massage therapy. It releases painful emotions that have become lodged in the muscles and caused stiffness from tension.)

Sex has so many forms of expression. It is both beautiful and erotic. It is gentle and assertive. It is relaxing and energizing. But most of all, it is a unique connection to all of life – it is spiritual, mental, emotional, physical. Sex is truly a divine pleasure.

What sex is not

It is equally important in defining sex to weed out what doesn’t belong in its repertoire of images. Because “sex sells” in the marketplace and in the advertisements that bombard us daily, we are prone to confuse sex with many things which it is not. And we are equally apt to confuse sex with its ignorant definitions of the past which kept us from its hidden pleasures.

First and foremost, sex is not a sin. It didn’t make it to the Top 10 commandments, so it must be okay! Besides, how could anything that creates new life be an affront to God, when life is God-given.
Sex is also not dirty; it is not something of which to be ashamed, like leprosy. And it is not unhealthy as long as proper protection is used.
Sex won’t make you go blind or go crazy. In fact, sexual fitness can improve your health, not take away from it.
Sex is not perverted or unnatural. Love-making between consenting adults is their private matter, and as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, it does not defy the laws of nature.
Sex is not to be misused as a weapon. Withholding sex to punish a partner is a sign of poor communication and stored-up anger; and it does not give power to the “with-holder”. To the other extreme, forcing one’s self sexually on another person is a sign of inadequacy, not power or real strength.
Sex is not a healthy addiction. A sexual addiction or compulsion is an escape from love.
Sex is also not a sport; it is not merely a form of exercise. It is a body function, yes, but its many pleasures are not achieved by experiencing a body part. Besides, using sex as an impersonal exercise is ultimately not fulfilling, either sexually or emotionally.
Sex is not just intercourse or oral copulation; as we know about anything in life, “the journey is as important as the destination”. Sex is not love, but is often confused with love. How many times have you heard someone say in jest “I’m in lust!”. It isn’t as funny as the joke is meant to be. Is such a person afraid to go the next step and fall in love? Commitment makes the sex grow deeper, but having sex for its own sake is not everlasting love.

12 Steps to Great Sex

Number One – Flirt.

Flirting is an art which instills sexual confidence. It can be a subtle glance or a purposeful squeeze, but the goal of flirting is to set the stage for romance and create sexual anticipation.

Number Two – Kiss.

Make kissing a ritual at least twice a day for 12 seconds in the morning and at night and kiss your lover passionately.

Number Three – Communicate.

When communication is great, the sex is great too. Don’t neglect to tell your partner all
the things you love most about him/her. Express your appreciation for each other physically, intellectually and emotionally. Exchange a wish list of three things that you think may heighten a sexual experience for you.

Number Four – Stimulate All 5 Senses.

If you don’t use just one of your five senses during lovemaking, you are missing out on 20% of pleasure. Take the time to prepare something to enhance each one of your senses prior to lovemaking. Surprise your taste buds with honey; turn a simple room into a romantic one with candlelight; play music that will get you and your lover in the mood for love; use a variety of lotions and oils to massage your lover slowly and sensuously; and finally, the sense of smell has been proven to be the basis for sexual attraction. You can wear your lover’s favorite fragrance or adorn your room with scented candles, incense or flowers.

Number Five – Discover Erogenous Zones.

The best way to find your lover’s erogenous zones is to caress and kiss your lucky lover from head to toe, moving only half an inch at a time. Don’t leave any area unmapped. Ask for your lover to rate his or her erogenous zones on a pleasure scale from 1 to 10. Now, it’s time to trade places.

Number Six – Synchronized Breathing.

When you are sexually excited, your breathing increases. Breathe in the essence of
life and synchronized breathing is truly a sense of unity. As one person breathes in, the other person breathes out. This “meditation” can prepare a couple for the sexual journey ahead.

Number Seven – Share Erotica.

Any form of erotica including videos, literature or magazines can provide a therapeutic
value to couples wanting to learn more about sex. So whether you enjoy the bawdy tales of Lady Chatterly’s Lover or the erotica of Playboy, sharing fantasies can embolden your love life or reenergize a stale relationship by adding sizzle and spice.

Number Eight – Oral Delights.

First, we’ll talk about fellatio, the sucking of the man’s penis and most men will agree that,
as a means to getting or restarting an erection, it is unparalleled. Cunnilingus, the art of kissing a woman’s clitoris and vulva (visible external part of the vagina) is one of the most effective ways to bring a woman to climax.

Number Nine – Love Toys.

You don’t have to go outside your home to have a wide choice of love toys. Regular
household items can be a great substitute. If you blindfold your partner with a scarf and comb a pasta spoon through his/her hair, it may feel like long, sensual fingernails. A gentle tap with a spatula or wooden spoon might be just what your partner desires. Don’t forget to experiment with food!

Number Ten – Discover Her G-Spot.

It is a fact that 78% of women do not explore the inside of their own bodies, yet the G-spot (I like to call it the Goddess Spot), located approximately 2 inches inside the opening to the vagina can bring about a longer, deeper, more powerful orgasm than a clitoral orgasm.

Number Eleven – Discover His H-Spot.

Men also have a Hot-Spot, although I prefer to refer to it as the Hero-Spot which is the prostate gland. Some men say that their “H” spot is just a knuckle inside the anus and it can be effectively stimulated by the partner’s insertion of her finger in a “come hither” motion.

Number Twelve – Make Love in Different Positions.

Don’t always make love in the same position, in the same place, at the same time because that’s predictable. Make love standing up, side-by-side, woman-on-top, missionary or doggie-style. Do it in the bathroom, on the dining room table, over the kitchen sink, on the tumble dryer or on the staircase.

Creating Passion: 6 Ideas to Jump-start Sex Life

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

-

February 7, 2022

pexels-ana-paula-lima-365356 — Photo by Ana Paula Lima from Pexels

Passion Power Plays

Is your relationship and love life feeling lackluster? Try out these fun, passion-filled activities to get the sizzle back in your sex life.

1. Sizzle in the Kitchen

Most couples spend countless hours together eating meals over the course of their relationship. This is an area full of delicious opportunity! Take a moment alone or with your partner to evaluate how this time is spent in your current relationship. Do you grab
sandwiches on the go and disappear into your respective home offices? Do you plan a thoughtful meal together at least once a week?

Consider the fact that each shared meal is a chance to bond. How would you re-design your life to make the most of these occasions? While you’re mulling that over, think about incorporating some brain-boosting foods to keep your grey matter happy and put you both in a good mood:

♥ Seafood (oysters, clams, sardines, crab, saltwater fish and freshwater fish)

♥ Nuts and seeds (particularly Brazil nuts)

♥ Lean meat (lean pork and beef, skinless chicken and turkey)

♥ Whole grains (whole-grain pasta or brown rice)

♥ Beans, broccoli and other fresh vegetables

♥ Blueberries

♥ Tomatoes

2. Shower Power

Take a hot, steamy shower with your partner first thing in the morning. The added company might be just the thing to get you going, especially for men who have the highest level of testosterone in the morning. So he may be eager to have sex in the shower. Don’t
worry ladies, research shows that showering will also give you an increased shot of dopamine that can trigger more creativity whether you have sex or not.

3. Spend the Weekend in Bed

Start by clearing your schedule. The only work you’re going to be doing over the weekend is pleasing your partner between the sheets! Cook breakfast or brunch and then eat it together in bed. Order take-out food for dinner. Spending the weekend in bed should be
both fun and intimate. If you have kids, hire a sitter to take them out and treat yourselves to at least a leisurely morning alone together.

4. Bathroom Bliss

Turn your bathroom into a pleasure palace. Turn down the lights and burn a couple of candles. A bathtub filled with hot water after a long, hard day may be just what you both need to unwind. Invite your partner into the tub with you. Enjoy the evening together and
let the heat of the water and the intensity of the moment work its magic by removing all stress, replacing it with relaxation and sexual desire. Be sure to get out before the water gets too cold and before you get too sleepy as the decrease in temperature signals the brain to release melatonin (a hormone that is part of the human sleep cycle).

5. Unpredictable Quickies

Surprising your partner with sex in the middle of the day or night is a novelty that gets you both out of your routine. It stimulates the reward center of the brain, which releases dopamine and norepinephrine, leaving you both feeling satisfied. It also gives you a bonding “conspiratorial” feeling that you’re getting away with something, which creates anticipation for the next moment of spontaneity.

6. Passion Picnic

Create an outdoor feast! Take out a tablecloth, glasses, cloth napkins and a couple of candles. Include some aphrodisiac foods to increase romance, such as shrimp, asparagus, avocado, arugula, carrots, hot peppers, pumpkin pie and chocolate. Throw lots of pillows and a blanket on the ground and feed each other passionately. This is a perfect date idea for new partners, as the excitement will release adrenaline, the hormone that makes the heart race, mouth dry and hands sweat – so don’t forget to take drinks and towels!

High Peaks and Happy Endings

“Novelty is one of the key factors in driving brain plasticity.” – Dr. Michael Merzenich

The journey of taking a relationship from casual to friendly and all the way to intimate is to discover the best version of ourselves while building great memories together. As we work to build our history as a couple, it’s interesting to consider exactly what the brain
remembers.

In his book, Thinking, Fast and Slow, Nobel Prize Winner Daniel Kahneman shows us that the brain ultimately remembers only two aspects of an event: the emotional peak and the end. Consider that for a moment. While the minute details may be remembered with some effort, if you quickly recall the happiest moments of your life, don’t you first zoom in on the highest peak of an experience? And isn’t that memory balanced with the way that it ended?

Dr. Kahneman calls this “the peak-end rule” which essentially means that the lasting impression of an experience is most strongly associated with the peak emotional feeling and the final level of emotion at the end of the experience.

For example, perhaps you and your partner made love on the beach during your honeymoon and then picked up a shell to keep as a souvenir. You remember the high peak of making love, and the end gesture of picking up the shell.

Another high peak example might be surprising your partner with their favorite home cooked meal and the positive ending might be when doing the dishes together turns into a make-out session in the kitchen.

We often remember our sexual experiences in terms of high peaks and endings, too. Think back to the last time you and your partner had sex. What do you remember? The way your partner brought you a glass of water after your orgasm and cuddled up tight?

Sometimes we let our sex lives drive on auto-pilot, not being mindful of our responses, our desires, or what really moves us. Examining what the brain is up to before, during and after lovemaking gives us some language with which to start the conversation.

Unique Orgasms With Dr. Ava Cadell & Dr. Hernando Chaves Video

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

-

January 29, 2022

The first ever Sexual Health Expo was a huge success with a dazzling trade floor and enlightening, entertaining panels filling each day’s schedule. Hosted by Emily Morse, there were talks by dozens of renowned sexologists like Charlie Glickman, Jaiya, Elle Chase, Sex Nerd Sandra, Ashley Manta and many, many more. My presentation was on Unique Orgasms and Dr. Hernando Chaves was my co-presenter. We had two life-like torso dolls, donated by Pipedreams and Sextoy.com, which we called Quasimodo and Esmerelda – they were the life of the party, allowing us to demonstrate everything from a perineum orgasm to a quadra-gasm and beyond.

Watch the highlight reel of our standing-room-only presentation, and don’t miss the hilarious cameo appearance by Ron Jeremy!

Creating the Sex Life You Want

By

Silvia Bell

-

January 28, 2022

Photo by Nick Morrison on Unsplash

Sex is one of those things in life that is so common, we all experience it, yet it’s so unique that we all experience it differently. Even growing into our bodies, learning how they function and properly caring for ourselves can look different for each person. Many of us grew up having questions about our bodies but few had those questions answered. That doesn’t mean in our adulthood we should struggle to find a sexual wellness routine that works for us. It’s never too late to discover the answers to those lingering questions. I want to share with you a list of the things I’ve learned to help me not only understand what sexual wellness can look like but also how to truly enjoy sex.

Ask the Hard Questions

We all get a little shy at times, whether it be with our doctors, friends or partners – it can be difficult asking for what we need. I encourage you to do it anyway. Being responsible about your sexual health goes beyond practicing safe sex and getting tested for diseases, however, both of those should be at the top of your sexual wellness practice. Don’t forget that annual exams are important too. It’s your chance to ask all the questions, even the ones you think are too weird, gross or embarrassing. Your doctor is prepared for it all. Also, if there are any changes or discomfort in your body it’s always better to rule out possible medical issues before exploring solutions. If healthcare is limited, there are resources available, you just have to reach out to your local providers. The point is, listen to your body and don’t neglect selfcare.

If your questions aren’t health related, seeking out trusted friends can help give great peace of mind. As a woman, I was surprised yet relieved when I realized I wasn’t the only one of my girlfriends who was not well prepared for her period or had a clue about what the benefits of masturbation could really be. Building up a community where you can exchange stories and advice can make all the difference not only in your sexual health but mental health as well.

Don’t hesitate to communicate with your partner about any likes, dislikes or experiences you want to share together. Breaking out of your comfort zone can be liberating in many ways and lead to things like them finally understanding which erogenous zone you prefer to have stimulated. If you’re not even sure what the answer to that is, then all the more reason to get talking and connecting with them in new ways.

Explore a Little and Then Explore Some More

How do you know what you like? Have you always liked those things? Chances are, you won’t know until you try it. From flirting to foreplay and beyond, there are endless options for pleasure and excitement. Some of those options might not even require another person. Some of those things might not even have to do with sex itself but it makes you feel confident and sexy, and that is what fuels your sex life. Get to know yourself well by pleasuring yourself well. I mean that in every sense of the word, in and out of the bedroom. I realized that the more connected I get with myself the easier it is for me to teach someone else how to satisfy my needs.

Take time to figure out what you truly enjoy. Try out the lingerie you think is cute but feel like it’s pointless to buy because it’s going to end up on the floor. If it makes you feel comfortable and seductive, even if you’re wearing it just for yourself, it’s worth the effort! If dressing up really isn’t your thing, try being naked. How often do you sit with yourself or your partner completely naked? Not only are there physical benefits for you to sleep naked but that type of vulnerability is what brings closer connections. Learn to love all versions of yourself and the things your body responds to.

You could also try introducing new toys or games into your sex play. Make a bucket list of places to be intimate or new positions to try. Maybe if you’re a take charge type of person, let your partner take the lead or vice versa. If the thought of something excites you, it’s worth trying at least once. The goal is to create new possibilities for pleasure, so keep an open mind.

Nourish Your Body Inside and Out

When taking care of your sexual health it would be helpful to take a look at your overall health. There are many outside factors that can have an effect on our bodies and in turn on our sex lives. What we consume and how active we are can influence libido and the hormones needed for our sex organs to function at their best. Although each person’s health is unique to them, there are general things you can do to keep your energy up and your sexlife active. If you often feel too tired for sex or like it’s more work than it’s worth, that’s a sign you’re body may need some extra nourishment.

Staying hydrated is one of the simplest yet effective ways to maintain good health. Water plays a major role in flushing out what the body doesn’t need and the benefits of it affect the way we look and feel. Herbal teas are a great way to maintain hydration as well. Many herbs can be used as a supplement included in your sexual wellness practice. Maca root, tongkat ali, and sea moss are just a few that are known to help with libido, balance out hormone levels and enhance fertility. You can research the various herbs and decide what would be best for you.

Movement is also key in keeping our bodies healthy. Getting even just 30 minutes of sweating in a day is a great start. Gym or no gym, just find an activity that brings your body joy. Working out is not a punishment, it’s designed to keep your body energized and in good condition. If there are certain position during sex that feel uncomfortable or are just too difficult to do, I recommend choosing activities that will help you target those problems. Make it sexy and fun! Pole dancing, twerking and kundalini yoga are all examples of ways you can tap into your sexual energy while also working up a sweat.

I share these three tips because they have been the most useful in helping me cultivate a healthy sex life. Giving your body the kind of care it needs to thrive may look different for you. The important thing is to take an honest look at yourself and decide what you want your sexual wellness to look like. Get creative and do your research, find what fuels your body and soul.

Thankfully there are plenty of resources now where you can educate yourself on sites that provides video courses from experts in various sexual wellness practices. They make it simple and take the confusion out of finding what works for you.

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Number Seven – Share Erotica.

Number Eight – Oral Delights.

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Number Ten – Discover Her G-Spot.

Number Eleven – Discover His H-Spot.

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Passion Power Plays

1. Sizzle in the Kitchen

2. Shower Power

3. Spend the Weekend in Bed

4. Bathroom Bliss

5. Unpredictable Quickies

6. Passion Picnic

High Peaks and Happy Endings

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