There Are More Than Two Genders

By

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December 13, 2020

Newsflash! There are more than 2 types of gender.

I felt the need to clarify after encountering numerous videos pointing to text that says, “there are only 2 genders.” This misinformation is dismissive of real live human beings who just happen to not fit into our societal gender norms.

There are many different gender identities. Such as male, female, transgender, gender neutral, non-binary, agender, pangender, genderqueer, two-spirit, third gender etc. But first let’s talk about your definition of gender?

What’s a male? Anyone who has a penis? What 1s a person who was born with ovaries and a penis?

Some people conclude XY chromosome means male and XX chromosome means female. Well then what about XXY chromosomes or XXXY?

Whatever your definition of male or female it is simply your interpretation. It is wrong to not accept something simply because you do not fully understand it. Our societies need to force people into male or female is not universal. Australia recognizes a third gender, in South Asia they call the third gender hijra.

Intersex is a term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with sexual anatomy or a reproductive system that doesn’t ft the typical definition of male or female. 1-2 out of 100 people are born intersex. There are more intersex individuals than red heads and we would not think to deny their existence. Our closed mindedness not only refuses to acknowledge the existence of over 70 million people in the world. But we shame them and attempt to force them into choosing male or female. In an attempt to make their child “normal” some parents even opt for surgery that can create irreversible physical and psychological harm.

If a person is born with XXY chromosomes or XXXY it does not necessarily result in a condition where there is discrepancy between internal and external genitalia. There might be problems with sex hormone levels, sperm count, overall sexual development, or altered number of sex chromosomes. A person could go their entire life not knowing they do not fit into the gender norm.

The people who deny the existence of a third gender, often consider themselves conservative and religious implying that God has a plan. And yet somehow messed up with anyone who does not fit neatly into the male or female category. Other cultures celebrate the third gender. Perhaps they have a perspective that the average person can’t understand. Whatever the case may be at the very least we should all acknowledge that there are more than two genders. This is not an opinion this is based on facts. People that don’t fit into the gender norm deserve to be acknowledged and accepted the way they are.

If this is still confusing time to go back and let Erika Jordan help. Let us explore the differences in the two most common genders in Men and Women Are Different.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Erika Jordan

Certified Love Coach, NLP Practitioner

The Labia Minora: A Sexual Delicacy

By

Bobby Morgan

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July 21, 2021

Many women aren’t comfortable with the way their vulvas look, especially the labia minora. That’s a shame. But, learning what they’re capable of, can put a whole new perspective on enjoying sex and your sexuality.

What is the Labia Minora?

Clinically speaking, the labia minora are tiny, delicate folds of skin (or lips) that protect the vagina. They’re rarely symmetrical and no two sets look alike.

Sexually, I don’t know why we don’t talk about them more often. I get my rocks off during sex, oral sex and masturbation with my labia minora as much as I do my clitoris.

There are many more tiny nerves and blood vessels in the labia minora than the labia majora. During arousal, they become fuller and more erect. Bartholin’s glands lie just within the labia minora and secrete lubrication. This is why you want to give these tiny little petals some extra special attention during foreplay and masturbation.

How to Stimulate Your/Her Labia Minora

Sex tip: A great way to get things going is by giving the labia minora gentle, gliding strokes with finger tips or the tip of the tongue barely touching the surface or with a soft vibration or a vibrator set on a low speed.

Too often, people are focused on the big “O”, but I love the tingly feeling that I get when the labia minora spring into action. Holding onto that sensation for as long as possible is like having a mini-orgasm. It also pays off to hold onto this state of arousal for as long as possible to make fingering, clitoral and G-spot play and penetration much more wetter and more sensitized.

I find it odd that we don’t talk about and value the sexual power and benefits of the labia minora in Western cultures. In sub-Saharan countries, girls start stretching their labia minora before they get their periods. Elongated labia minora are viewed as a sexually desired bonus for both women and men.

Personally, I can’t say that bigger is better when it comes to the labia minora, but they’re a sexual delicacy that shouldn’t be overlooked and nothing that should be considered physically embarrassing or shameful.

Previously Published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/the-labia-minora-a-sexual-delicacy/

Valentino: The Man, The Legend, the Fantasy

By

Megan Hussey

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May 29, 2021

Rudolph_Valentino_and_Vilma_Banky_in__The_Sheik__SAYRE_4629-2048x1498 — Wikimedia Commons

“I am merely the canvas on which women paint their dreams.”–Rudolph Valentino

May 6 marks the birthday of a cinema legend–and of the premiere male sex symbol. And 2021 marks the hundredth anniversary of the film that might be considered the first erotic film for women. Would you be shocked to know that there’s a connection between the two?

The world was blessed with Rudolph Valentino May 6, 1895. This Italian wunderkind made 39 films in 12 years, emerging as both a talented actor who spoke volumes with his eyes, movements and expressions, and as the living embodiment of female fantasy. Valentino was a man of many talents–acting, dancing, singing and boxing among them. Yet in this forum we shall focus on the Erotic Milestones of Valentino’s Career:

1. Valentino was the first sex symbol for women. The Saturday Evening Post, Vintage News, and many other news sources credit Valentino as the first male sex symbol. For while many handsome, appealing actors graced the silent screen prior to his arrival in Hollywood, he was the first to smolder on screen–his expressive dark-eyed stares, his sensual moves, his frenzied kisses and passionate embraces promising all of the heavenly sin that one mortal woman could possibly handle. His image provoked passionate responses in female audience members, tempting them to fantasize and enjoy their sexuality. Or, as film professor Miriam Hansen phrased it in a 1986 edition of Film Journal, Valentino’s popularity marked the birth of female spectatorship–the concept that female spectators or filmgoers were regarded as an economically and socially significant entity–and one of the few times in history that feminine desire was closely linked to their spectatorship (https://www.jstor.org/stable/1225080?seq=1). Translation: The ladies wanted that man. Bad.

2. Valentino made the first erotic film for women. Whether playing Armand in Camille or Count Rodrigo in Cobra, Valentino imbued all of his heroes with romance, mystery and infinite charm. Yet it was in his role as the title character in 1921’s The Sheik that Valentino set fire to the screen, bringing a well-read romance novel to screen as he brought women to the theatre in droves. The Sheik contained no explicit scenes, but instead seethes with a hot undercurrent of brazen sensuality, balanced with passionate, life-binding romance. It was roles such as this one that lead Valentino to–in the words of Man’s World India (https://www.mansworldindia.com/culture/features/rudolph-valentino-sex-symbol-hollywood/)–“transform America’s idea of sex and the art of seduction.”

So The Sheik was the first sex movie for women. But was it a feminist statement? Well, yes and no. Yes, in the sense that–for the first time–women were encouraged and empowered to acknowledge their sensual needs, to explore their fantasies, and to claim at last their own form of erotic entertainment. And in the sense that the film’s heroine–Lady Diana Mayo, portrayed by the luminous Agnes Ayres–is strong and spirited in character. A big ol’ hell no, in that the character of the Sheik is at many times forceful and menacing.

Just as we now rediscuss and reassess problematic classics like Gone With the Wind, so must we reconsider The Sheik. And this discussion should include the consideration of the fact that–at the time of the film’s 1921 release–women who as much as contemplated sex were threatened with societal ruination and literal hellfire. This explains the framing story of the film, the presentation of which would NOT be acceptable in a modern production.

Today, however, the lingering images captured from the film involve the gorgeous vision of Valentino in silken robes, delivering sweltering kisses and bonding embraces that literally provoked swooning in female audience members at the time of the film’s release. It’s also important to note that Valentino himself publicly detested the character of the Sheik, and just as openly spoke in admiration of his wife Natacha Rambova, a silver screen pioneer who served the silent screen industry as a producer, set designer, writer, costume designer and actress.

3. Valentino in all likelihood performed the first male striptease. On film, at least. In the short film The Sheik’s Physique, we follow Rudy as he enjoys an afternoon at the beach–changing into his swimsuit in his car before lounging languid on the sands. True, by modern standards we don’t get to see much (he only partially unbuttons his shirt in the car before getting wise to us viewers and dropping a pesky shade that obscures our view of the proceedings–but not before giving us a glimpse of skin and his infamous come hither gleam), and his swimsuit is tight and form-fitting as opposed to revealing; still and all, it’s a classy tease.

4. Valentino was the only male silent film star to inspire erotica and porn. Rudolph Valentino mastered the art of the tease. He only occasionally appeared shirtless, and never performed nude. Yet the intensity of his sensual aura inspired several erotic works, such as the 1988 pornographic feature Rudolph Valentino: American Lover starring Hakan Serbes, and the erotic new wave picture Valentino, starring ballet great Rudolph Nureyev as Valentino. He perfects Valentino’s tango dancing technique and appears fully nude, wearing only the sheik’s headwear–and nothing else–in some scenes. Most Valentino fans have mixed feelings about these films, but I liked them. But then, I would.

5. Valentino even took it upon himself to steal into the opening credits and start seducing his female audience, right off the bat. The opening titles of Blood and Sand, in which Valentino portrays a bullfighter, are projected over the image of a long cape being held by Valentino. You see only his eyes above the cape, as he lures the audience inward, unblinking, with one of those blasted come hither gleams.

Oh, Rudy…thanks for the dreams.

Tantric Kissing to Re-ignite Passion & Keep the Juices Flowing

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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July 11, 2021

A sexy kiss can be one of the most erotic exchanges between lovers. A kiss is often the first intimate physical contact with a new lover and some people believe they can tell a lot about a person’s lovemaking skills by the way they kiss. Some people can reach orgasm through kissing alone.

Not wanting to be kissed by your lover is a signal of trouble in the relationship. Making kissing a daily ritual will embolden and re-ignite passion in your relationship and keep the juices flowing. There are many different kinds of kisses: slow, quick, deep, wet, hard, soft, breathy, and then there is Tantric kissing. Kiss your lover at least twice a day and experiment with the different kinds of kisses from below.

Tantric Kissing Techniques

Eye brow kissing: Face your lover in Yab Yum position, either ‘Woman On Top’ or man on top, moisten each other’s eyebrows and then lean into each other with brows touching. Touch lips and feel the energy flow from one to the other uniting the two of you into a higher level of consciousness.

Yin Yang kissing: Take turns kissing each other tenderly and then deeply, alternate back to tender and back to deep for 2 minutes. This will create the weaving of the Yin and Yang energy that you and your lover can both experience simultaneously.

Synchronized kissing: Embrace in your favorite lovemaking position with Lingam and Yoni touching, but not inserted. With your lips slightly open and touching, inhale together gently and exhale together, sharing and synchronizing the same breath.

Orgasmic kissing: In a loving face-to-face Maithuna/intercourse position with Lingam inserted into Yoni, lock lips, eye-gaze and take turns inhaling and exhaling alternately. Share the deep level of intimacy and feel your lover’s sexual breath enter your body and spirit.

More Tantric Kissing Tips

1. Build sexual anticipation by kissing all around your lover’s face with soft, baby kisses and use your hands to caress the face, hair or body.

2. Use your nose to nuzzle and your lips to caress to your lover.

3. Tease your lover by tracing the outline of your his or her lips with the tip of your tongue.

4. Now put your heart and body into a slow kiss alternating the pressure from gentle to deep with mouth slightly open.

5. Take your lover’s bottom lip between yours and suck gently. Vocalize some sounds of pleasure.

6. Take turns licking your lover’s upper and lower teeth with your tongue. Then alternate.

7. Wrap your lips around your lover’s tongue and suck passionately alternating your speed from slow to quick.

8. Explore the inside of your lover’s mouth with your tongue by running it in small and large circles. Alternate.

9. Dart your tongue in and out of your lover’s mouth rapidly and then slowly. Remember to use your entire body and make all those wonderful sounds of love.

10. Use hot or cold liquids to create new kissing sensibilities.

Sensation Play: The Eye of the Beholder

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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September 10, 2021

pexels-cottonbro-5932722 — Photo by cottonbro @Pexels

In Your Eyes: Love at First Sight

There’s an incredibly visceral connection between touch and sight. When we see something we like, we are drawn to feel it. I compare vision to pop music. It’s colorful, bright, emotional, and universal.

Humans are highly visual animals and there’s nothing quite like the feelings generated by the things we see. What can compare to a glorious sunset, the extraordinary sight of a long lost friend, or the first time you see your new lover smile?

And who isn’t familiar with the phrase “love at first sight”? This romantic concept has inspired countless songs, poems, movies and embarrassing text messages and Facebook posts.

The phenomenon may actually have a basis in science. The findings of several studies
have shown that more men have proven to believe in the concept of love at first sight than women. This is largely because men respond to physical attributes more quickly than women and women also take longer to settle into a feeling of trust.

Considered to be the most complex sense, vision is an intricate process of data being transferred from the optical nerves to the various parts of the brain responsible for naming things, remembering faces and places, and the emotional reactions to what is being seen. The brain combines the messages from both eyes in order to create a single three-dimensional image. To complicate things further, the image received on the retina is upside down due to the focusing action of the lens and the brain has to flip the image to provide the right-side-up view.

Sight is such an integral part of the human experience that nearly 50% of the brain’s sensory resources are dedicated to vision, according to Dr. John Medina, developmental molecular biologist and best- selling author of Brain Rules. That means that vision alone uses as much of the brain as all the other senses combined.

In a relationship, it’s important to make a concerted effort to not just look, but to see. This is especially important for those in long-term relationships. The longer we spend with people, the more easily we forget to pay attention to the details. It is quite possible to become unaware of something one sees every day. That’s one of the great capacities of the brain.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” – Henry David Thoreau

Can you easily move through your home in the dark because you know where everything is without needing to constantly see it? The same thing can happen with the people around us. We forget to look at them because we know what they look like but, in reality,
the image we have in our head is purely a memory unless we take the time to fully focus and look. This phenomenon explains why a haircut, weight loss, or a new shirt might be missed. Even though we are side by side, unless we turn to really look, the person we see in our peripheral vision is only the “photograph” we have from the last time we paid attention.

NEURO-CISE: VISUAL, DUO

Romance and love are richly enhanced by the sense of sight. If you invest time, energy and focus into the visual aspects of your relationship, you will absolutely create a stronger bond.

Some easy ways to do this include:

♥ Send your partner an email or text message photo of your smiling face.

♥ Wear a small surprise that you can secretly reveal in public, like a temporary tattoo of your partner’s nickname. It doesn’t have to be naughty, just meaningful.

♥ Undress for your partner, slowly and seductively.

♥ Make love with a commitment to eye contact.

♥ Dim the lights or use colored fabric to drape over lampshades, candles, wear lingerie or pose in front of a mirror, tidy up your place, pretend a VIP is coming to visit, turn your bedroom into a romantic boudoir.

The importance of vision in romantic connection helps explain the popularity of romantic movies. Do you have a favorite movie that you turn to when you need to feel ‘“in the mood” or one that reminds you of the romance in the world when you’re having a blue day?

Get into character and reenact your favorite love scenes from movies.

A few notable films to check out for this are: Body Heat, A Walk On the Moon, Before Sunset, Bull Durham, Shortbus, The Pornographer, Intimacy, Brokeback Mountain, 9 1/2 Weeks, and In the Realm of the Senses.

Reenact your favorite kissing scenes from movies with your partner.

Whether it’s from Pirates of the Caribbean, Closer, Twilight, The Notebook, Mulholland Drive, or A Single Man, this could be the perfect way to create a kissing sensation that surpasses your expectations.

Pretend that you are the writer, director, and star of a hot steamy movie and your partner is your co-star. Give him or her a kissing scene to perform on you.

Hollywood may give us false hope for “happily ever after” but it also reminds us that love is a complicated, funny, challenging, scary, exciting adventure. Are you living the kind of the love that could ignite the silver screen?

Seeing What The Body Says

If you’ve heard that 55% of communication is based on non-verbal body language, 38% is all about the tone of voice and only 7% is based on actual words spoken, then you are familiar with researcher Professor Albert Mehrabian whose findings are quoted worldwide,
and have become known as the 7%-38%-55% rule. So it’s incredibly important to remain aware of eye contact, facial expressions and posture, especially during intimate discussions.

Speaking of eye contact, according to Joe Riggs, acclaimed mentalist, hypnotherapist and author, it’s actually possible to watch a person’s eyes alone as an indication of whether or not they are telling the truth. “When asking someone a direct question, a left or right eye
movement can mean the difference between the truth and a lie. Looking to the left indicates a made up answer as their eyes are showing a constructed image or sound whereas looking to the right would indicate a “remembered” voice or image, and thus would be the truth. Remember that every person is different so never base a conclusion on just one observation.”

Have you ever paid attention to the body language of other people when you have an opportunity for observation? The next time you are in a restaurant, a park or other social environment, take a moment to look at how other people are interacting. Without hearing any words, how much information can you decipher? The man with his arms crossed while his female companion speaks – is he disinterested or is he angry? The girl leaning forward with a smile as she orders coffee from the boy looking away – is she flirting and, if so, is he interested?

If you’d like to improve the way you use body language in your own life, mentally, physically and emotionally, you can simply be aware of your posture by standing up straight and boldly putting your hands on your hips in order for your brain to increase 20% testosterone and decrease 25% cortisol, according to a study by social psychologist Amy Cuddy at Harvard.

“Looking down when you’re talking to someone is a dead giveaway of insecurity.”- Sharon Sayler

NEURO-CISE: VISUAL, SOLO

♥ A smile is an open door of approval and if you keep a consistent gaze with the person you are talking to at the same time, you’ve got a sensory visual connection.

♥ Relax your shoulders and have your palms facing upwards with your fingers facing the person you are talking to, as open hand gestures signify that you are open to exchanging ideas with them.

♥ Point your feet towards the person you are interested in and see if their feet are pointed towards you, which is a good sign and means they want you to approach them.

♥ Lean in to conversations and nod when you agree with something being said, so that you both feel like you are on the same page.

♥ Don’t hold anything in front of your chest. Covering your heart creates a guarded perception.

♥ As a couple, when you both mimic each other’s moves on the dance floor or order the same drinks, you clearly are in sync mentally, physically and emotionally.

The bottom line is that if you’re not feeling confident, then fake it until you make it and turn your happy button on, as your brain won’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.

Making Her Dreams Come True: The Making of Bellesa’s Rebecca & Ramon

By

Megan Hussey

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September 3, 2021

Ramon and Rebecca by Bellesa Films

Don’t allow her super cute, girl next door looks fool you. Beautiful Rebecca Vanguard is a super smart businesswoman and content creator who also delivers sexy, empowered and uniquely arty performances in high end XXX features. She is also a woman with a fantasy–a dream that this modern day Cinderella realized with the help of a powerful Fairy Godsister–herself a guiding force in the arena of feminist porn.

Recently Rebecca wrote Bellesa House director Jacky St. James a long letter that detailed a favorite sexual fantasy; one starring an acclaimed porn stud, that she yearned to bring to life in the form of a hot XXX movie produced at Bellesa, an iconic feminist adult studio.

The Prince Charming in this dirty Cinderella story is legendary performer Ramon Nomar, a classically handsome seducer often considered a favorite among female fans and performers alike.

The Bellessa House scene “Rebecca & Ramon” is most literally a fantasy on film; a movie that translates the desires of its starlet most literally “to the letter.” Jacky St. James directed this scene, in which Rebecca both rims and receives anal intercourse from Ramon Nomar.

OK, so that particular plot diverges a bit from the ‘ball and glass slipper’ motif; but hey, it works.

“It was incredibly unique. It wasn’t just about working with Ramon, but also about how she wanted to give him a rim job. She was very open about her desires and it was incredibly refreshing – someone who just put their fantasy out there in the hopes of turning it into a reality,” said Jacky.

“Ultimately, it was up to Rebecca and Ramon to make the scene what they wanted in the moment. I booked the location and coordinated with Ramon (ensuring his comfortability with the fantasy) and the rest was in their hands. When someone wants to bring a fantasy to life, less involvement by a director is important. Choreographing a fantasy makes it feel forced and at Bellesa we want the performers to be their most authentic selves. Sometimes that means that the fantasy does not translate perfectly – but giving them the freedom and space to explore is what is critical.”

Ramon, say Jacky and Rebecca, was excited to assume the role of Rebecca’s subject of desire; to, indeed, be wanted so much by such an enchanting woman. And the feeling was mutual.

“Ramon is a busy guy and I’ve never worked with him. As a sex worker, I’m a provider and a consumer, and I’ve always liked him,” said Rebecca. “He likes anal, a lot of guys aren’t into it. Plus I have a thing for accents–hot foreign accents–and his is Spanish/European. And he seems open to everything that a lot of guys have stigmas about.”

Oh, and The Feminist Sexpert must add (because, well, I am The Feminist Sexpert), the dude is just really, really hot. See pictorial evidence of this point above, as provided by Bill William Compton, CC BY-SA 3.0 , via Wikimedia Commons.

Rebecca compares her letter to Jacky St. James as a missive written to Santa–one that fulfilled her deepest wishes. Only it was Ramon’s lap on which she ultimately sat.

“Female porn is the brand for Bellessa, which provides a film format for women, so they can finally talk about and find out their desires, and not feel like weird perverts. It’s passionate, intense, I’m into it,” said Rebecca. “I wrote a letter to Jacky because it’s more creative to write descriptions for scenes, a story–letting my imagination run wild.”

And the results, says Jacky, were nothing short of sizzling.

“Rebecca was very shy at first, which I expected. She had been attracted to Ramon for a while and therefore her shyness felt incredibly real and natural. Whenever a scene for Bellesa House happens, it’s always magical and unique and different than anything we’ve seen before because these people have a story and a reason they are being paired together,” she explained. “Ramon took the lead (as he often does) which helped Rebecca become more comfortable and give her the confidence to explore her ultimate fantasy.”

And that, says Jacky, is always the mission behind her work.

“I want every person who arrives to set to feel both safe and comfortable. The environment we create at Bellesa is one where people are encouraged to speak out, to share their do’s and don’ts, and to have a truly enjoyable and connected experience with their scene partner,” she reveals. “Empowering the performers to select their scene partner is a part of that. It eliminates a lot of the unnecessary stress a performer might feel, let’s say, if they are paired with a complete stranger or someone they’ve never met.”

Rebecca calls this scene “everything I thought it would be and more” and a definite career first–but knowing this spunky feminist, it won’t be a last.

With just a little more than two years in the business, Rebecca has shot scenes for Evil Angel, Jules Jordan, Brazzers, Girlsway, Pure Taboo, Twistys, Wicked Pictures, Zero Tolerance, MOFOs, Nubiles, Bang Bros., PervCity, Throated, Kink.com, Reality Junkies, Swallowed, and more. Rebecca has scored multiple coveted nominations including Best New Starlet from the NightMoves Awards and Porn Star Live Cam Performer of the Year from the Cammy Awards. She has also nabbed tons of Spank Bank Awards nods, and in 2019 won Most Servile Sub of the Year and a technical award as Badlands Becky. Rebecca has been featured in Hustler and Xcitement, as well as mainstream sites Input, Vox, and Medium.

As a content creator, Rebecca seeks–not only to realize her own vision–but to spotlight the talent and beauty of other women as well. Check out her niche site pukeonmybush.com and brand new 4K glamour porn site Tru6lack (pronounced True Black) tru6lack.com showcasing Black women. And find her doing live feature shows on Cam4 cam4.com/vanguard.

“I love it when other girls who are performers comment, “I love this idea, cool.” I like to appeal to the female market. I’m not competitive versus other girls,” she said. “Porn attracts naturally outspoken women, although others may tell us to just shut up about it. I encourage other women to be outspoken, confident, give it a shot.”

In Rebecca’s eyes, all women are beautiful and deserve their time in the spotlight.

“I work with BBW performers, trans performers, women of all colors….I believe in making a girl feel good about herself, glamorous. I hire a makeup artist, have a nice location, I make her feel special,” she said. “This is my own content. Being a female performer, I know male talent, I edit my own stuff, I learned to do video, lighting, to the point where I am making a good product.”

Keep up with everything in Rebecca’s world. Follow her Twitter @rebeccavanguard and Instagram @rebeccavanguardofficial. “Rebecca & Ramon” can be seen at bellesafilms.com/scene/4463591/rebecca-ramon.

On a personal note: As Rebecca is an awesome sisterfriend, I can’t be jealous of her, overmuch; even so, I can’t help but be a little envious that The Feminist Sexpert doesn’t have the luxury of writing a top feminist porn director when I want some sexy time with a favorite hunk. However, Jacky St. James tells me this:

“The best advice I can give anyone is not to think or talk about what you want – but to actually pursue it. If you want to work with someone – tell them, or tell Bellesa House. If you want to write a porn, write one and then try and pitch it. Dreams cannot happen in reality without action.”

OK, so now The Feminist Sexpert is hearing strains of the old Pointer Sisters ditty “Should I Do It?” going through my head. Should I write my own lusty letter? My own smexy script? Decisions, Decisions, Ladies….stay tuned!

What is a Cuckquean? How to Cuckquean?

By

Mistress Kay

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December 13, 2021

crown-g46597f01d_1920 — image courtesy of Pexels

What is a Cuckquean?

At its most basic, a cuckquean is a female-identifying person in a committed relationship whose partner is having sex outside of their committed partnership – but with her knowledge. While the term cuckquean is generally used within the terms of a heterosexual relationship (as in, the female-identifying cuckquean is committed to a male-identified partner), there’s nothing to stop this from being part of any relationship style – regardless of gender.

There are a lot of reasons that someone may be interested in being a cuckquean within their sexual dynamic.

The most common reason someone becomes a cuckquean is purely due to sexual arousal and an interest in the kink.

Sometimes this arousal comes from humiliation. The cuckquean may feel turned on by being “rejected” by her partner choosing another person. They may feel left out of their partnership, and instead of feeling like a negative experience, those same feelings can trigger feelings of submission.

An interest in cuckqueaning may also come from voyeuristic tendencies. Essentially, the cuckquean gets to watch their partner star in their very own, real-life porn movie – and that can be hot for a lot of people.

A big portion of the arousal of cuckqueaning may also come from the “taboo”. In most modern societies, monogamy is taught as the sole and expected relationship style. When feelings of jealousy and inferiority start to pop up, it can add serious spice and intensity to the relationship – which, for some, can lead to sexual arousal too! Having others see your partner as the sexual being that you do can be jealousy-inducing – but also reignite your passion for your partner as a sexual being as well.

However, being a cuckquean can also be a matter of practicality. For some cuckqueans, they may enter into a consensual dynamic with their partner in order to ensure everyone’s needs are met. While this starts to move more into an “open relationship” relationship style, the cuckquean may encourage an outside sexual partner to ensure her partner’s needs are met when those needs aren’t getting met in the relationship.

Looking for a bit more detail about what a cuckquean is? Quean Mo and a write-in listener on Savage Love can give some insight into the experience (and confusion!) of being a cuckquean.

While “cuckquean” can be used as an empowering term, just like the term “cuckold”, some people outside the relationship may use the term in a derogatory or insulting manner because they disapprove of the cuckquean or the alternative relationship arrangement.

Cuckquean vs Cuckold – What’s the Difference?

Gender! That’s it!

A cuckquean is someone who enjoys the “cuckolding” kink – but identifies as female. (When a cuckquean is involved, some people may call it a “cuckqueaning” kink as opposed to a cuckolding kink.)

On the other hand, a cuckold is someone who enjoys the “cuckolding” kink – but identifies as male.

On both sides, the cuckquean or cuckold is the one who is watching their partner have sex with someone else – regardless of that partner’s gender. Cuckolding and cuckqueaning can happen in all types of relationships including homosexual, gender-neutral, and heterosexual partnerships!

If you’re looking for the most information possible, the term “cuckold” has been around for longer – so I’d recommend using it as the primary term for your searches.

Does Cuckqueaning Fit Into Erotic Humiliation?

While the term “erotic humiliation” may conjure up the mental image of a femdom relationship for many, erotic humiliation doesn’t have a gender. In fact, people of all genders enjoy erotic humiliation, and the desire for erotic humiliation can be at the center of cuckqueaning play.

There are a lot of intense, interpersonal dynamics at play in a cuckqueaning relationship, and part of these dynamics may be a “lesser than” sensation because the cuckquean’s partner is choosing to have sex with someone else instead of them. This is ripe for a whole lot of humiliation – though it doesn’t need to be!

Essentially, like most kinks out there, cuckqueaning can fit neatly into erotic humiliation – or it can be entirely absent from it. It’s all up to the participants!

Especially if you’re reading a definition on what cuckqueaning is, you’re probably not ready to jump right into the world of cuckqueaning – but that’s not a bad thing! Bringing a third person into your relationship comes with a bucketload of new challenges including jealousy, communication issues, STI issues, scheduling issues, and more. Needless to say, as fun as the kink may be, there are usually hours and hours of prep that goes into scheduling sex with multiple people – and the communication time requirements aren’t light either!

Even if you’re a beginner, though, that doesn’t mean you can’t explore the ideas of cuckqueaning – especially if you think you’ve finally found a kink that really appeals to you.

Some easy ways to explore cuckqueaning without bringing a third person into your relationship:

Use Sex Toys: Simply use sex toys to replicate the body of an external partner – then mix in some dirty talk to bring it all to life! A vaginal/oral penis stroker (like a Fleshlight) can easily replicate the genitals of your partner’s “lover” – or you can go deeper into it with a sex doll for cuckqueaning instead. You might consider using extra sex toy accessories (like hands-free sex toy mounts) in order to improve your Fleshlight experience and make things feel more realistic for both of you as well.

Discuss Past Partners: Instead of bringing a new person into the mix, consider discussing past experiences with partners instead. This can still provide the cuckquean with a feeling of “looking in” on the action with their partner without having another person in the mix.

Talk about Fantasies: Most people have a relatively active imagination. This means that you can (quite easily!) discuss cuckqueaning scenarios and use them as dirty talk during sex. Try out these shared, dirty talk fantasies before bringing an actual person into the mix. You might be surprised at some of the positive (and negative!) feelings even sharing a fantasy can bring up!

The “5 Steps to Become A Certified Relationship Coach”

By

Tamara Bell

-

March 25, 2022

Have you ever thought about helping people find love? What about expand their love life to the next level?

I decided to become a coach back in 2008. I took the certified Love Coach program and it changed my life and started me on a career that allows me to help singles, couples and all types of relationships. I have over 14 years under my belt and it was the best investment I could have ever made.

I have been practicing over 14 years and work with clients all over the world, most on zoom, phone or email. I have my own practice in Yuma, AZ and online at Lady T Coaching

As an Ambassador to Students at Loveology University, I mentor all of the students on their journey before, during and after they get started.

Dr. Ava Cadell and myself have reintroduced the Masterclass Training program to invite potential coaches a chance to see what it takes to coach on love and relationship.

You will learn the secrets to successfully starting your own coaching business online using Loveology University’s certified programs.

For a short time, you can learn the five tips and receive FREE gifts and a special price at the end of the Masterclass Training on “How to Become a Certified Relationship Coach.”

In This Free Masterclass Training You’ll Discover:

The 5 Simple Steps On How to Become a Relationship Coach & Start Your Own Coaching Business Online.
Why now is the perfect time to get into Relationship Coaching — (HINT: It’s the BIGGEST coaching market in the world right now!)
How to quit your day job and start a successful and profitable career as a Relationship Coach online in 1 month or less with 0 start up costs.
How to position yourself as an Expert and stand out – even if you are completely unknown or just starting out.
How to pin-point your ideal niche that attracts your perfect clients.
How to start a new career, be your own boss, gain more free time and financial freedom living a ‘laptop lifestyle.’

Meet Your Host

Dr. Ava Cadell

Love & Relationship Coach, Author, Public Speaker, Media Therapist as seen on…

Hello, I’m Dr. Ava Cadell, Love Guru, Media Therapist, Author and Worldwide Speaker. As the founder of Loveology University® Online University of Love Coaching, I take on the role of mentor to share my vast 20 years+ knowledge with motivated students who will become successful Certified Relationship Coaches and Loveologists.

I teach aspiring and experienced entrepreneurs like you how to become successful Certified Relationship Coaches and create an online business in 1 month or less. Through my online Loveology University®, I help students launch their own Relationship and Love Coaching businesses from scratch so they can work in a rewarding career they love. As a successful Love Coach, it is my passion to help others create the career of their dreams and fast-track their success.

Let me show you how to do the same!

Click here to get access to all of my tips and strategies to launch your successful Relationship Coaching Business TODAY.

Date Night Delight: It Really Is a Thing! Make It Sexy

By

Valeriam Vincent

-

June 27, 2022

rene-ranisch-lSMf7GJoDz4-unsplash (1) — Photo by Rene Ranisch

What is date night? Has date night been around forever, and we just decided to give it a title or has date night morphed into a real thing? Dating isn’t something we do just at the beginning of relationships, it’s something we do throughout the lifespan of our relationships. Date night can’t just be a pizza run, there must be excitement, anticipation, and something a little naughty. There is a technique or an artform to putting together a sexy date night that can benefit both partners. Date night is a real thing!

Date night is usually a planned activity where a couple creates time to spend exclusively with one another. When a couple first meets, dating serves as a way for two people to get to know one another and decide if they want to continue spending time together. Established couples, single and committed, or married, use date nights to set aside time to enjoy each other’s company (sans children), without the daily interruptions from work and other activities. The anticipation can be high.

Preparing for date night is important. Regardless of which person is planning it, creating a mood is essential, especially if one is attempting to create a sexy evening that leads to sensual adventure later. The theme of the night is important. Whether the outing will include a gourmet meal, a fun sporting event, an exciting live concert, or a night of friendly competition at the miniature golf course, thorough planning is of the utmost importance. Once the first activity of the night is planned and confirmed, the follow through, how we’re going to end the evening, must be considered. Will we need a specific toy or lubricants? One site that comes to mind to secure these needs is https://www.sextoysupply.com.

It’s great to continue to date your partner or spouse. Dating, and behaving in a manner that keeps a spark in the relationship promotes intimacy and longevity. Committing to having planned date nights also shows a level of commitment to doing what’s necessary to maintain the health of the relationship. You’re also building lasting memories with one another and a loving bond.

As busy as our lives can be nowadays, sometimes we even need to schedule “sexy time”. Date nights are idea for planned sex. Every other concern has been cared for. The kids are away, all distractions have been removed and you and your partner can indulge in whatever brings you pleasure. A sexy piece of lingerie, a ball gag or a feathery at “Wholesale sex toys” flog can inspire a new move or remove inhibitions enough to try that new position you read about.

One definite benefit from planned date nights is the great communication dynamic that can develop and continue. When we’re in long term relationships, we can get in a rut from the weight of daily responsibilities and obligations. Conversations tend to be limited to only discussing what is necessary. The date night can be an outlet to be able to rekindle the bond that was built over time. Having great conversations with your partner can revive feelings of warmth, trust, and love. Finding a game that encourages intimacy, “adult sex toys” and open communication can encourage those feelings and help you two keep things fun and fresh.

So, yes! Date night is a real thing! It’s a real activity that can help you enhance your relationship in a number of ways that will result in positive outcomes, fun activities, and lasting memories for you and your partner!

Kymbra’s Closet

“105 Fun Date Night Ideas to Inspire Romance”, by Daniel Hall for the Knot, Update May 5, 2022

“Five Reasons Why Date Night Is Important – 25 Suggestions” by Daniel Dashnaw, 5/13/19

The Telltale Signs That You Are Dating the Right Person

By

Tamara Bell

-

October 19, 2022

Image source: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/satisfied-spouses

Many people ask themselves at a specific juncture in their relationships, “Is this the appropriate candidate for me?” It is a typical question whether you are a beginner or have been in it for five years. Uncertainty or feelings of inadequacy do not always prompt this concern.

Being skeptical about balancing your romantic and attachment feelings for your significant other is acceptable and healthy. You can love somebody profoundly and still be incompatible with them in the long run. So, how can you tell if you are with the appropriate individual? How, then, do you realize your love will last? Here are some indicators that you are dating the right person.

1. You are yourself with your partner

People in a fulfilled and happy romantic relationship understand who they are and what they desire for their life. If you do not even recognize those small details, it is difficult to tell if you are with the correct individual because you do not understand yourself sufficiently to pose the question.

If you want to date the right person, you can leverage dating platforms that can filter the right matches based on your requirements and region-specific. For instance, a Los Angeles Matchmaking service can help you conduct background checks on prospective candidates and meet with them to ensure their sincerity. The best candidate for you is somebody out there you believe you want and need in your daily existence, somebody who reinforces your character and preconceptions and keeps adding to your life in the methods you value the most. ‘

2. Both parties are contented

Successful relationships have one crucial feature: both partners report high levels of fulfillment with the relationship. It is working for them, cheering them up on bad times and expressing and rejoicing in one another’s life achievements. Both parties in the relationship believe they are gaining from it. You are in the right relationship if you believe your partner is supportive whenever you require it and that the relationship positively contributes to your existence.

People who are in healthy relationships are generally content. It is not to admit they never argue or get angry at each other; even the healthiest partners get on one another’s nerves. In a nutshell, it adds value to the joy you encounter throughout your life.

Image source: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/satisfied-spouses

3. Disputes are managed in a comparable or complementary way

Relationship conflict is unavoidable and natural. It is not the dispute being an issue but how every individual manages the disagreement. Such is a significant aspect of whether or not that individual is right for you. Two individuals with contrary approaches to the dispute are unlikely to last long.

If you and your companion resolve conflict in the same or complementary ways, you are in the right relationship. When confronted with a difference of opinion, people may become defensive about their points of view, often hurting and putting the other person down in the process. You are not required to agree on everything, but you must decide how to manage disagreements and respect each other’s preferences and argument style.

4. There is no mistreatment or manipulation of any sort

You might assume this is self-evident and unnecessary to mention. However, many folks “accept” abusive relationships, whether emotional, psychological, sexual, or physical. Sometimes it becomes a routine. A normal, healthy relationship is one in which such abusive behavior does not happen, as it is not even considered.

The same is true for manipulation. If you overlooked minor red flags along the way, believing you could “change” the other individual into engaging in less outrageous behavior, you were delusory. People cannot be changed; they must do it themselves (and consistently work toward such transformation). The right relationship for you will not include any form of exploitation or deception. For whatever justification, love rarely condones abuse.

Image source: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/arguing-spouses

5. You’ve never been happier in a relationship

If you compare your current relationship with your previous ones and discover that the present one ticks all the right boxes, you have made the right decision. Nevertheless, you must exercise caution in this situation because memory is rarely factual in remembering the past. We frequently change things to suit our inner dialogue, sometimes for the better and occasionally for the worse.

As such, you must try to be as impartial as possible when doing this. If you can’t think of some other relationship that felt much better, treated you better, or managed to help you achieve your goals and contentment, you are in the right one.

Image source: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/happier-spouses

Final thoughts

People date for various reasons. Some people put themselves out there for the simple pleasure of meeting new people and potentially making friends or establishing a casual relationship. In contrast, others see the practice as a method of finding a life partner. Whenever it comes to your companion being ‘the one,’ it doesn’t imply you will not have doubts. When choosing a partner, it is natural to reconsider the relationship’s qualities and flaws. No relationship is perfect, and convincing yourself that a relationship is ‘perfect’ can be detrimental. Instead, you should select a partner and embrace them for who they are, including their weaknesses and all. Such is what it signifies to pick somebody as “the one.”

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Meet Your Host

Dr. Ava Cadell

Love & Relationship Coach, Author, Public Speaker, Media Therapist as seen on…

Let me show you how to do the same!

1. You are yourself with your partner

2. Both parties are contented

3. Disputes are managed in a comparable or complementary way

4. There is no mistreatment or manipulation of any sort

5. You’ve never been happier in a relationship

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