What is a Cuckquean? How to Cuckquean?

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December 13, 2021

crown-g46597f01d_1920 — image courtesy of Pexels

What is a Cuckquean?

At its most basic, a cuckquean is a female-identifying person in a committed relationship whose partner is having sex outside of their committed partnership – but with her knowledge. While the term cuckquean is generally used within the terms of a heterosexual relationship (as in, the female-identifying cuckquean is committed to a male-identified partner), there’s nothing to stop this from being part of any relationship style – regardless of gender.

There are a lot of reasons that someone may be interested in being a cuckquean within their sexual dynamic.

The most common reason someone becomes a cuckquean is purely due to sexual arousal and an interest in the kink.

Sometimes this arousal comes from humiliation. The cuckquean may feel turned on by being “rejected” by her partner choosing another person. They may feel left out of their partnership, and instead of feeling like a negative experience, those same feelings can trigger feelings of submission.

An interest in cuckqueaning may also come from voyeuristic tendencies. Essentially, the cuckquean gets to watch their partner star in their very own, real-life porn movie – and that can be hot for a lot of people.

A big portion of the arousal of cuckqueaning may also come from the “taboo”. In most modern societies, monogamy is taught as the sole and expected relationship style. When feelings of jealousy and inferiority start to pop up, it can add serious spice and intensity to the relationship – which, for some, can lead to sexual arousal too! Having others see your partner as the sexual being that you do can be jealousy-inducing – but also reignite your passion for your partner as a sexual being as well.

However, being a cuckquean can also be a matter of practicality. For some cuckqueans, they may enter into a consensual dynamic with their partner in order to ensure everyone’s needs are met. While this starts to move more into an “open relationship” relationship style, the cuckquean may encourage an outside sexual partner to ensure her partner’s needs are met when those needs aren’t getting met in the relationship.

Looking for a bit more detail about what a cuckquean is? Quean Mo and a write-in listener on Savage Love can give some insight into the experience (and confusion!) of being a cuckquean.

While “cuckquean” can be used as an empowering term, just like the term “cuckold”, some people outside the relationship may use the term in a derogatory or insulting manner because they disapprove of the cuckquean or the alternative relationship arrangement.

Cuckquean vs Cuckold – What’s the Difference?

Gender! That’s it!

A cuckquean is someone who enjoys the “cuckolding” kink – but identifies as female. (When a cuckquean is involved, some people may call it a “cuckqueaning” kink as opposed to a cuckolding kink.)

On the other hand, a cuckold is someone who enjoys the “cuckolding” kink – but identifies as male.

On both sides, the cuckquean or cuckold is the one who is watching their partner have sex with someone else – regardless of that partner’s gender. Cuckolding and cuckqueaning can happen in all types of relationships including homosexual, gender-neutral, and heterosexual partnerships!

If you’re looking for the most information possible, the term “cuckold” has been around for longer – so I’d recommend using it as the primary term for your searches.

Does Cuckqueaning Fit Into Erotic Humiliation?

While the term “erotic humiliation” may conjure up the mental image of a femdom relationship for many, erotic humiliation doesn’t have a gender. In fact, people of all genders enjoy erotic humiliation, and the desire for erotic humiliation can be at the center of cuckqueaning play.

There are a lot of intense, interpersonal dynamics at play in a cuckqueaning relationship, and part of these dynamics may be a “lesser than” sensation because the cuckquean’s partner is choosing to have sex with someone else instead of them. This is ripe for a whole lot of humiliation – though it doesn’t need to be!

Essentially, like most kinks out there, cuckqueaning can fit neatly into erotic humiliation – or it can be entirely absent from it. It’s all up to the participants!

Especially if you’re reading a definition on what cuckqueaning is, you’re probably not ready to jump right into the world of cuckqueaning – but that’s not a bad thing! Bringing a third person into your relationship comes with a bucketload of new challenges including jealousy, communication issues, STI issues, scheduling issues, and more. Needless to say, as fun as the kink may be, there are usually hours and hours of prep that goes into scheduling sex with multiple people – and the communication time requirements aren’t light either!

Even if you’re a beginner, though, that doesn’t mean you can’t explore the ideas of cuckqueaning – especially if you think you’ve finally found a kink that really appeals to you.

Some easy ways to explore cuckqueaning without bringing a third person into your relationship:

Use Sex Toys: Simply use sex toys to replicate the body of an external partner – then mix in some dirty talk to bring it all to life! A vaginal/oral penis stroker (like a Fleshlight) can easily replicate the genitals of your partner’s “lover” – or you can go deeper into it with a sex doll for cuckqueaning instead. You might consider using extra sex toy accessories (like hands-free sex toy mounts) in order to improve your Fleshlight experience and make things feel more realistic for both of you as well.

Discuss Past Partners: Instead of bringing a new person into the mix, consider discussing past experiences with partners instead. This can still provide the cuckquean with a feeling of “looking in” on the action with their partner without having another person in the mix.

Talk about Fantasies: Most people have a relatively active imagination. This means that you can (quite easily!) discuss cuckqueaning scenarios and use them as dirty talk during sex. Try out these shared, dirty talk fantasies before bringing an actual person into the mix. You might be surprised at some of the positive (and negative!) feelings even sharing a fantasy can bring up!

Do we all need sex therapy?

By

Coralyn Jewel

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December 13, 2021

nihal-demirci-7lYB2AW2Y1A-unsplash — Photo by Nihal Demirci on Unsplash

While researching Dr. Lee Phillips, I had to challenge myself and ask if I know myself as well as I think I do. What became abundantly clear, regardless of my own thoughts was that it is so extremely important for the existence of the services that Dr. Lee provides and when interviewing him, my mind was opened to so many things.

Can one let go of one’s pride to see they are in need and take the step to receive the help? I believe that there are so many people who want to discuss certain things sexually, but due to the sensitive nature placed on us by society, many disregard the need to talk about them.

Thankfully, due to the confidential environment such as what therapists like Dr. Lee provide, we can make the world more open-minded to sexual trials and tribulations though baby steps. Therapy takes time and there is never such a thing as a miracle solution.

The question that I ask myself and I would assume others do the same, is, “Is the key to sexual health to open yourself and or your relationship up for scrutiny or input from a third party?” For many herein lies the challenge. Are you ready to be 100% open and honest and embrace the feedback from your therapist? Perhaps, that is exactly what is needed, to be a bit vulnerable and not feel the need to live up to the “demands” we and society put on ourselves.

So many of us desire to surround ourselves with people who accept us unconditionally. A yearning for a nonjudgmental and sex-positive environment where you can openly express yourself, your dreams, limits and or concerns. The fact that Dr. Phillips is open to patients of any gender, non-monogamous, swingers, polyamorous or kink relationships shows us that these types of therapists can provide a higher level of help to clients compared to the less open-minded therapists out there.

I find it rather refreshing when I continue to interview many therapists for my podcast, that if you need therapy which might be related to a certain fetish, kink or alternative lifestyle there are now more resources available then in the past.

Numerous studies have proven the importance of sexual health and the role it plays for one’s overall health and well-being. With alterative therapists, individuals and couples can voice their concerns openly in hopes to lift and de-dramatize sexual taboos. Within this safe place you as a single or couple can unleash pleasurable energies on levels delightfully unexpected.

For many it takes time to build trust with a new partner or a therapist. In some situations, it is the voice from the outside that provides the solution needed for a certain situation.

As people we judge ourselves due to the sometimes-overwhelming demands from society to perform sexually and be what our partner needs. In that judgement of ourselves we tend to forget our own needs and wants. When finding our own voices, we can find a whole new level of excitement and comfort to experience new sexual adventures. To remove the weight and seriousness of it all can generate a situation more open to express your desires.

One piece of advice someone once told me was to never forget that sex is fun. It is ok to laugh during a sexual escapade as it helps to build a stronger connection.

In closing, we need to all remember that everyone has different taste. Another quote I use often, “Everyone has a different cup of tea”. It is irrelevant what is in their cup, if it is not your flavor, you do not need to worry as you are not the one drinking it.

Let us live each day to the fullest and enjoy the variety of ways different people experience sexual pleasure. Worry about only you and finding your true sexuality and know that if ever you need someone to turn to for advice, you are not alone and there is always someone out there having the same thoughts as you so embrace them.

Coralyn Jewel

A Friend to Eve: RIP Phil Harvey

By

Megan Hussey

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December 11, 2021

phil-harvey — Phil Harvey Adam & Eve Warehouse Expansion Ribbon-Cutting Ceremony

Once upon a time, a rather bashful but infinitely curious college girl and aspiring romance writer–one who thought she’d never care much for porn–saw an ad for a movie in Playgirl magazine that looked too good to resist. They used the man’s image to sell the movie–imagine that–and it actually looked romantic as well as smexy! The movie was released by Adam and Eve, and its title was Hardbound–a hardcore romantic comedy starring Nina Hartley and Dale Dabone, and written by Deborah Chinn.

When she ordered this film, she was told she she’d get a bonus motion picture entitled Party Girl Pick Up.

“Um, I don’t forsee myself enjoying Party Girl Pickup, somehow,” she informed the operator, who helped her find a classy couples feature more in line with what she would enjoy. That film was The Dinner Party, an erotic classic directed by Cameron Grant.

On many an evening, while up late studying, she sat on the phone line with A&E operators, asking for more good porn suggestions and regaling the patient ladies with endless suggestions about how to make better porn for women–all the while assuring them they were on the right track! She’s sure they were most relieved.

Under the leadership of Phil Harvey, who passed away Dec. 3, Adam and Eve was a signature creator and releaser of premiere films for women and couples; releasing Candida Royalle’s landmark masterworks of feminist porn, along with compilation tapes consisting of scenes that showcased the beauty of the male form, created especially for the female viewer. Now directors like Kay Brandt and Jacky St. James and writers like Selena Kitt helm Adam and Eve productions, We ladies owe a real debt of gratitude to Adam and Eve, for finally giving Eve something decent to watch pornwise!

Harvey was also a well-known warrior for free speech and AIDS awareness issues; and often, at the head of Adam and Eve tapes, one would see ceremonious adverts for the Free Speech Coalition, that featured dialogues regarding the importance of free speech–voiced over images of downtown Washington DC and some shots of the Lincoln monument. I often wondered how ol’ Abe would feel about being featured in a porn flick–who knows? He mighta liked it.

Postscript: A little while later that gal evolved to become the Feminist Sexpert. Thank you, Mr. Phil Harvey.

So, just how liberal is Germany?

By

Jojo King

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December 7, 2021

pexels-dainis-graveris-5219024 — Photo by Dainis Graveris from Pexels

When looking at how liberal a country is, attitudes to immigration, homosexuality, same-sex marriage and sex itself are fairly reliable indicators. Germany has a reputation as being ‘liberal’, particularly in comparison to other countries worldwide and even across Europe, but just how liberal, is liberal?

Germany’s attitude to homosexuality was first touched upon publicly when the first gay journal in the world, Der Eigene (“The Self-Owning”), began publishing in Germany in 1896. This pioneering journal would discuss topics such as philosophy and liberal democracy at a time when the rest of the world had extremely victorian views of both homosexuality and sex.

The journal published regularly until 1932 when it was closed down during WW2. Several other magazines took the place of Der Engine and, at the time of writing, there are eleven national and regional gay magazines.

In terms of modern-day German politics, there are several notable politicians who are openly gay and interestingly, not all of whom are left-wing. The far-right AfD leader, Alice Weidel is married to a woman of colour and a former mayor of Berlin gloriously outed himself by declaring “Ich bin schwul – und das ist auch gut so!” [“I am gay – and that’s a good thing!”].

In general, homosexuality is widely tolerated and is indeed celebrated – Berlin isn’t known as the queer capital of Europe for nothing.

Considering Germans have such a liberal attitude to homosexuality, (the first gay district also opened in 1920 in Berlin) they were pretty late to the party for same-sex marriage.

Although same-sex partnerships were recognised in 2001, it wasn’t until July 2017 that Germany signed the bill to approve same-sex marriage – sixteen years after The Netherlands. However, despite the time-lag, a study by Germany’s Anti-Discrimination Agency showed that the vast majority of Germans surveyed (83%) are supportive of same-sex marriage.

On the subject of sex, both hetero and non, the Germans are well-known for their love of kink, sex and nudity.

Prostitution is legal and some 40,000 sex workers are registered for taxes, pensions and other state benefits. The industry is stringently regulated and it generates a seriously impressive £15 billion a year – and it’s predicted to grow.

Across the country there’s a smorgasbord of options for those want to get off – everything from a super-brothel in Cologne with seven floors catering to all tastes, to roadside ‘sex boxes’ with nothing inside bar a panic button. You can even buy access to flat-rate ‘all you can fuck’ brothels for £50 – £100 in some cities.

It’s certainly a contrast to other parts of Europe, namely Sweden who adopted the so-called ‘Nordic’ model around the same time as Germany legalised prostitution. The Nordic model can harm sex workers rights and put them at a disadvantage and encourages lower standards for those working in the industry.
In a move which could certainly be seen as non-liberal, in November 2019 there was talk of Germany taking on the Nordic model themselves, however, a number of protests were held across the country and at present, it doesn’t look likely to happen.

Outside of prostitution, sex is everywhere and nudism is commonplace. Nudism or naturism is particularly popular in the East in rural areas and on beaches and there are dedicated nude towns for those who want to live without the restriction of pants.

When it comes to getting down, major cities all play host to a wide variety of sex clubs, ranging from the plain old vanilla to uber kinky BDSM dungeon venues. Fetish and kink are widely catered for by clubs such as Fetish 69 and Berlin also hosted one of the (sadly now discontinued) largest techno festivals in the world, Love Parade.

Love Parade may have been titled ‘the biggest techno festival in the world’, however, it’s far more widely known for sex and specifically, public sex as security was told to hold off and let party-goers do their thing in the streets of Berlin. It’s safe to say people like sex in Germany and certainly aren’t prudes about it.

Germany’s liberal attitude also extends to immigration. In 2018 there were 10.9 million immigrants and migrants, which made up 13% of the entire population. When asked, most Germans didn’t have strong positive or negative views on immigration and many saw the possible benefits to their own economy, indicating that immigration is widely accepted.

By 2021, refugees are set to contribute more to the German economy than they cost, which could be part of the reason why so many Germans hold such liberal views on the subject.

It certainly appears that Germany lives up to the liberal tag – Movehub ranked them in 13th place in their ‘most liberal places in the world list, perhaps they deserve to be bumped up a few places?

Originally published on www.thesocialdisruption.co.uk

Diversify: Writing for Different Genres Could Make You a Better Writer

By

Ralph Greco

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December 1, 2021

pexels-bruno-bueno-4477248 — Photo by Bruno Bueno from Pexels

In the past two weeks I have been humbled/lucky or maybe my talent won out (nah, it’s not that!) seeing quite a few pieces published. From erotica, to an essay about a recent survey on the good and bad or pornography (I’ll let you guess how the survey skewed, for or against and who was most at fault) to a satirical/naughty/scifi jaunt, to my usual round of blogs, and selling a bunch more of the various children’s books I am the writer of, I managed to get up or publish a bunch ‘o stuff in the past few weeks, all of it I am very proud of.

Now, I have no idea if you write more than one kind of thang. If you do, wonderful. Knock yourself out. Furrow ahead. Have at it. All my best to you. But, if you are like me and happen to work a more diverse oeuvre, than I’d say go forth and multiply, publish as much divergent stuff as you can. Enjoy your varied output. Writing this way has done nothing but make me a better writer and has saw me gain the small amount of traction I have.

Again, not every writer dips his or her toe in different depths of water. And again, this is perfectly fine. You can’t push yourself to write stuff that’s just not in you. Ok, strike that… you can push yourself, and in doing so you might find some things about your writing that surprises you. Mainly, that you can push yourself to try other kinds of writing. But unless you are open to trying or might be one the gifted few scribes who does everything well–and I ain’t one of them by a long shot–you’ll probably gravitate time and again to that which you like or are most comfortable with.

Which again, is perfectly fine and suits many a writer.

But if you have tickled the idea of giving some type of writing a try that you have never tried or if you find stuff is pouring out of you that you never expected, I say go with it. This pours-out-of-you-that-you-never-expected stuff usually comes to writers who have never tried erotica but are suddenly taken with getting some wild and naughty words down, surprising themselves that they have the ability to write so dirty.

I see this all the time with budding erotica writers.

(To this end, if you want to read a fantastically naughty tale that covers this kind of ‘oh-my-God-I-can’t-be-thinking-this-but-it’s-changing-my-career’ kind of story, I refer you to Ann Rice, writing as Ann Rampling, and her book Belinda.

I say, let the stuff come, whatever it is. Different than what you usually write, by all means, Same, sure. A little to the left of your usual, ok. I just know that I have found some success and a sure amount of pleasure in diversity. And there are plenty of places that do indeed published cross-genre work.

Remember, you cannot be it, whatever it is that you want to be, if you restrict it.

Force of Nature: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Goddess Lilith

By

Megan Hussey

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November 29, 2021

If one was to look up the phrase kickass woman in the dictionary, one would probably find a beautiful photo of Goddess Lilith–an esteemed and revolutionary singer on the metal scene who also shines on the adult scene as a woman to be reckoned with–and the Feminist Sexpert reckons that we ladies need to support Lilith as She embarks on yet another leg of Her auspicious musical career.

This award-winning, internationally renowned, and bicoastal Dominatrix, Luxury Mistress and Fetish Model, Certified Life Coach, Reiki Master, and Author Goddess has made a name for Herself as lead singer of the goth metal band Sorrowseed, which rocks audiences around the world–as powered by one of the mightiest and unmistakable female vocalists on today’s music scene.

Now Lilith begins an exciting new phase of Her career as the lead singer of MURTAIR, a heavy metal band ready to release a five-song EP that inspires listeners to thrash with its hard groove and electronic elements. Her fans, slaves, and supporters are encouraged to support the band’s Kickstarter campaign, where funds raised will cover the vocal recording, mixing, and mastering the EP, artwork, printing 250 limited edition EP, digital distribution, and camera rental and location costs to make the music video.

“Murtair is more brutal than Sorrowseed,” She said. “This EP is about taking back what has been taken.”

In essence, though, Goddess Lilith’s music always has told the stories of survival. Demeter’s Reckoning, a cut from the Sorrowseed recording The Extinction Prophecies, tells a tale of ethereal revenge, in which a goddess of the earth and seasons takes vengeance for the abuse of our environment.

“When I think about it, it’s all interconnected,” She said. “The way we treat the environment, the way we treat women. We should take better care of them.”

Lilith is a woman with a lot to say–and She generally sings it. Goddess Lilith is, in fact, a classically trained vocalist who holds a Liberal Arts degree with a focus in dramatic arts from Harvard.

“I’ve been singing since I was a toddler,” reveals Lilith, who plays piano, guitar and other instruments. “I always wanted to imitate my heroes.” These heroes range from Nirvana to Joan Jett.

Goddess Lilith now has many fans of Her own, both in the musical sphere and owing to Her role as a premiere dominatrix.

“I’ve always liked to lead men around on leashes, so why not do it professionally?” She said with a smile. “I’ve always been dominant in my personal life.”

She has graced the pages of Hustler’s Taboo and Malevolent, AltStar, Beckett Online Gamer, ASN Lifestyle, and 420 zine Skunk magazines.

Goddess Lilith has received many accolades, including Footnight International’s Most Captivating and Fascinating and Top Trampler Awards, as well as Best Female Cam Performer at the 2018 and 2019 Fetish Awards, and Fan Favorite Alt Visual Arts Book of the Year from the 2021 AltPorn Awards. She’s also scored numerous nominations from Fetish Awards, Footnight International, AVN Fan Awards, XBIZ Cam Awards, Fleshbot Awards, AltPorn Awards, YNOT Cam Awards, and Fetish Awards.

On-screen work, teaching, and event organizing reign as Her true passions. In 2018, She introduced New England’s first recurring FemDom Event ExaltedFemdom.com and hosts foot worship parties newenglandfootfetishparty.com.

She also enjoys gaming on twitch.tv/LilithAstaroth. Learn more about Her at goddesslilith.com. Buy Goddess Lilith’s eBook How I Make Bank as a Foot Model (And You Can, Too!) on Amazon amazon.com/dp/B08RHR3TJK/r and Gum Road gumroad.com/l/jxzKb.

Goddess Lilith says that She has faced blowback in the music industry, both because of Her strong persona and Her career in the adult industry. Yet nothing stands in the Goddess’ way; and in the future, this force of nature stands to take the world by storm.

“I want to teach much more in the future,” She said. “And I want to be of service to women.”

Let us now serve the Goddess by supporting The MURTAIR Kickstarter campaign. Goddess Lilith welcomes pledges in any amount. Backers can choose to get no perks and give generously to the project or pledge $5 or more to get an EP. Funds raised beyond the initial goal will go towards merchandise and a second music video. Make this project happen and pledge at https://bit.ly/3CPd8iE.

Subscribe to Her premium social media on LoyalFans loyalfans.com/GoddessLilith, OnlyFans onlyfans.com/GoddessLilith and AVN Stars stars.avn.com/goddesslilith. Buy Her clips on and Clips4Sale clips4sale.com/4064, iWantClips iwantGoddessLilith.com and ManyVids manyvids.com/Profile/1001198534/Goddess-Lilith/Store/Videos. Search and subscribe to Her Pornhub content pornhub.com/pornstar/Goddess-Lilith. Follow Her on Twitter @GoddessLilith66, Instagram @GoddessLilithDomme, Snapchat @Goddess.Lilith, and Facebook facebook.com/GoddessLilithDomme. Learn your place by texting Her on SextPanther sextpanther.com/Goddess-Lilith. And check Her social media to see days/times She’s cracking the whip live on CAM4 cam4.com/GoddessLilit, MFC profiles.myfreecams.com/GoddessLilith, Chaturbate chaturbate.com/GoddessLilith or Cams.com cams.com/GoddessLilith.

How to Tell Your Partner What You Love in Bed

By

Bobby Morgan

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November 28, 2021

Communication Skills for Better (Wild!) Sex, Just the Way You Want It!

This headline, How to Tell Your Partner What You Love in Bed, sounds like a really “Duh” statement, but it’s something that I haven’t asserted for myself much in the past.

A lot of that had been my own fault. I never spoke up. In some cases I was just happy to get laid or I was afraid of offending someone whose techniques or enthusiasm were lacking. Before, during and not long after my 12-year marriage, I honestly didn’t know what could be done or how awesome I could feel.

But sex should be spectacular. Great sex usually something that just happens. It should be an event whether you’re with someone for the first time or have been with someone for a number of years. It requires great communication skills as well as a wild sex drive or mastery of technical skills.

Telling Your Partner What You Love in Bed

If your partner is doing something and it’s not quite setting off bells and whistles, speak up. Guide him or her with your hand or just be verbally direct. Don’t be afraid to be direct by saying things like, “A little more rougher/gentle,” and follow up with, “Up/down a little bit … Faster/slower … Oh, yeah! That’s it! … More!” Praise and encouragement go a long way and your partner will come away with the thrill of knowing they did something really well. Nothing feeds the ego like the feeling of being a sex god or goddess.

When Your Partner Asks You What You Love in Bed

If you have a partner who asks what you like in bed, lucky you! Not everyone has a partner who takes pride in pleasing their sex mate. But don’t blow the opportunity by being too general with your answer (i.e. “I like oral sex.”). Be specific. If there’s a particular technique that sends you over the edge, tell your partner what it is and tell him or her how you like to have it done.

If you’re going to be with a partner for the first time, be prepared for the question. If the question doesn’t come up, don’t hesitate to offer the answer. You are entitled to great sex. It’s not a selfish thing to get what you want.

What if You Don’t Know What You Love in Bed

This situation is very common for people who are getting back into the dating and mating scene and had been with a lackluster lover or a lover with a limited repertoire. Trying new things is fun, especially if they work out right. If trying something new isn’t cutting it, just move onto something else and don’t dwell on it. Not every technique or position out there is going to work or be a super-wow situation for everyone.

What if Your Partner Absolutely Refuses to Do Something You Love in Bed

There will always be times and people that refuse to do or try something you love in bed. Be direct in telling your partner why you a particular technique or position and get your partner to tell you why they don’t like doing something you like in bed. Sometimes people have had one bad experience with your idea, preference or suggestion. Sometimes it’s fear of doing or trying the unknown. You and your partner won’t know unless you talk about it. Depending on the feedback you get from each other, what you like might be something your partner might eventually be willing to try or think about. If what you like is an absolute no or a hard limit for your partner, it’s up for you to decide if this is something you can live without or if it’s a better to move on to a partner whose sexual interests are more in line with yours.

Getting what you love in bed isn’t selfish or unreasonable. It’s a rightful entitlement and ultimately makes sex more enjoyable for both you and your partner

How To Bring More Consciousness To Our Sexuality

By

Natalia D

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November 27, 2021

129500159_748582042400348_6474018850366100377_n — Photo by Natalia D. Unleash the Goddess Photography

One of the things I hear so often from women who come to do a boudoir photo session with me is “Ohh it’s not for me, it’s just for my partner”. Most of the time though, when we start digging deeper and talking, it comes down to something along the lines of “Well I actually really wanted to do it for myself” or “I wanted to find my sexual self again”.

For those of you who might not be familiar with what boudoir photography is, it is an intimate type of photography that allows women to reconnect with their femininity, sexuality and deeper self-acceptance. You can see some examples of my work here or my Instagram if this makes you curious.

This got me thinking. Why is it that in our modern society, women still feel safer to say that their sensual portraits are for the pleasure of a man than they are for their own pleasure?

Sexual Shame Runs Deep

Photo by Natalia D. Unleash the Goddess Photography

Sexual shame runs deep. It is passed from mother to daughter, from generation to generation. For centuries, as women, we depended on our sexuality for our survival. It was traded, offered, used and misused by everyone around. If ever we dared to reclaim it and use it for our advantage or pleasure, we were labelled whores and shamed if not killed for it.

Still up until today, sexuality is not something that is openly discussed in most families. Girls are still regularly called sluts if they dare to show interest in their own sexuality. There is often a subtle undercurrent message that a woman’s job is to satisfy the man, that she is there for his pleasure. This lack of open dialogue, and frankly sexual education, creates mystery and everything that is mysterious, unknown, is scary. So many women chose to fall back in the safety of the known story, in the comfort of the status quo, without ever daring to step into the unfamiliar territory of sexual sovereignty.

Staying A Victim

Some women will also have a tendency to blame men. Trying to make them responsible for the shame they carry. If this is you, I feel you sister, your pain used to be my pain. My wounded feminine was raging. However blaming never fixed anything. We need to realize that we collectively co-created this system where the woman’s sexuality is not hers. Where her body doesn’t belong to her. Where her virginity is a gift to be offered. Where an aspect of her being, the most sacred and powerful one, the energy of life creation itself should be repressed and its fire suffocated.

No one has the power to make us believe something without our consent. This might be triggering to some, but until we take full ownership of our part in this co-creation, we can not fully heal. We will be stuck in the role of a victim, blaming men. A victim by definition, has no power. Staying in the victim mode keeps us locked in a powerless position, waiting for something in the external world to change our situation, to come and fix this.

The more the women awaken to their power, the more they CHOSE to not believe the story fed to us, the more they decide to question the status quo, question why we say things we say or do the things we do, the more consciousness we will bring to all aspects of our life, including our sexuality.

Our Sexuality is Sacred

Our sexuality is sacred. It is the primal energy of creation, it is the life force running through us inviting us to manifest. It is pleasurable and divine. When we disconnect from it, when we shame it, when we don’t stand in our sexual sovereignty we can never experience the wholeness and the sacredness of our being.

A sexual woman is a powerful woman. Not in the manipulative seductress way. That’s an expression of a wounded feminine, where she needs to manipulate to feel power. But in a fully anchored, incarnated sacred queen, standing in her magnificence, owning all aspects of her being and gently using this power to create more light.

If you want to shift from being a powerless victim to a powerful woman, if you want to reclaim all aspects of your being and return to your sexual wholeness, then it is important to stop the blaming and bring more consciousness to our own behavior and patterns. To start realizing where you are giving your power away through your beliefs, words, and your actions.

Where Are You Giving Away Your Sexual Power?

Can you think of one way in which you have been giving your sexual power away? Maybe something you used to do before? Something you are still doing now? Perhaps you are still performing when in a relationship with a partner, focusing primarily on their pleasure and their thoughts about you, rather than on your own pleasure and sensations?

Maybe you are still saying yes, when deep down it’s a no?

Deprogramming sexual shame, is a big component of my 1:1 coaching work with my clients and we talk a lot about this in my Facebook Community. One tip I would love to share is next time you enter a sexual encounter, pay close attention to your internal dialogue. Ask yourself who am I focusing on right now and why.

I am not saying you should not focus on the pleasure of your partner. We absolutely should, it’s a beautiful give and take flow of energy. I am however inviting in more consciousness into our sexuality, as the sexual shame might be subtle and intricately woven into our unconscious habits.

Big hug beauties, keep shining your light and remembering your power.

Left Brain, Right Brain Compatibility in Intimate Relationships

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

-

November 26, 2021

Meeting of the Minds

Relationships can sometimes feel like building a house in the middle of a storm. It takes an amazing amount of balance, courage, craftsmanship, concentration, and guesswork in order to build a safe haven while the winds of doubt and fear constantly threaten to blow away what you’re trying to create. And the partner with whom you’re sharing this experience brings along an entirely different set of tools that you must figure out how to use in order to complete the shared goal of safety. It can be scary, for sure, but if you figure out how to work together and utilize everything you both bring, you will not only create a safe shelter, but you will construct the home that will protect you throughout the adventure of life.

Our personalities are created by the building blocks of life experience: family guidance,
education, community influence, and religious upbringing (or lack thereof).

There are also internal architects at work that draw lines, which create our perceptions
and responses, and each individual mind has its own blueprint. So how can we reconcile two minds with very different wiring into the same couple’s dream house? And how can we learn to work together, especially during times when we seem to have nothing in common?
The answers are both simple and complicated. If you want to share electricity, you must first understand how each of you is wired.

“Men need love just as much as women, they just need it in different ways.”– Dr. John Gray

Left Against Right

In 1981 Roger Sperry won a Nobel Prize for his breakthrough research that found that the brain divides activities into the left and right hemispheres, and the world hasn’t been the same since. Countless studies, tests, books, presentations and discussions have happened
since that revolutionary discovery that offered tremendous insight into the ways people interpret information differently.

We’ve all heard it said that the left-brain is associated with logic while the right is associated with creativity and intuition. According to respected psychiatrist and author, Dr. Iain McGilchrist, these claims are inaccurate. “One side isn’t solely responsible for reason
and logic and the other for emotion and imagination; we need both hemispheres for all of these functions.”

Our left and right brains allow us to view reality with two different approaches. The brain is divided into four main lobes or regions: frontal (forethought and judgment), temporal (memory and mood stability), parietal (sensory processing and direction sense), and occipital lobes (visual processing). There are also important structures deep in the brain, such as the anterior cingulate gyrus (gear shifter), basal ganglia (anxiety and pleasure center), and deep limbic system (emotional center). The cerebral cortex manages
rational functions and is divided into two hemispheres connected by a band of nerve fibers, known as the corpus callosum. These fibers relay messages back and forth between the two sides of the brain.

While both sides are utilized in nearly every activity, the left side of the brain manages the tools of language and works in a logical and sequential order. On the right side, visual information is processed, as are non-linear concepts like creativity.

The right brain is actually hugely responsible for the ideas that come to use in our dreams while we are sleeping. According to Jay Alfred, author of Brains and Realities, one of the founding fathers of quantum physics, Niels Bohr, came up with the concept of using a planetary system as the model for atoms. This concept led to the ‘Bohr model’ of atomic structure, which went on to win the Nobel Prize. This is a great example of the left and right brain processes working in tandem.

A 1999 study indicates that you may be able to know whether a person is predominantly left or right brained by observing the direction their eyes move. Canada’s Robarts Research Institute studied conjugate lateral eye movements (CLEMS), which are involuntary eye movements to the left or right that can indicate a person’s way of thinking. The results showed that people are predominantly left or right lookers and that 75% of their eye movements will be in one direction or the other. People with a tendency to glance to the right are more likely to be a left-brain, analytical type while creative, right-brain personalities will more often glance to the left.

Though some people have personalities that sit near the center of the scale, most have a dominant side. Just like being right-handed, the human brain is wired to lead with one side over the other. Knowing which side you and your partner tend toward can go a long way to
diffusing conflicts when they arise.

Do you know your brain hemisphere preference? Take a look at these brief descriptions as presented by noted human consciousness pioneer and founder of The Monroe Institute, Robert Monroe. Does one list fit you better than the other?

Left Hemisphere Style: RATIONAL

♥ Responds to verbal instructions
♥ Looks for sequence
♥ Looks at differences
♥ Prefers to plan
♥ Prefers established information
♥ Prefers talking and writing
♥ Prefers multiple choice tests
♥ Controls feelings
♥ Sees cause and effect

Right Hemisphere Style: INTUITIVE

♥ Responds to visual instructions
♥ Looks for patterns
♥ Looks at similarities
♥ Prefers spontaneity
♥ Prefers elusive information
♥ Prefers drawing and manipulating objects
♥ Prefers open ended questions
♥ Free with feelings
♥ Sees correspondences

In her book When Opposites Attract, Rebecca Cutter outlines the different ways right-brain
and left-brain people approach relationships. A left-brain thinker will start with the facts
and then process through the emotions, while a right brain thinker will start with the emotions and then bring in the facts.

Where two right brain people in a romantic relationship will use communication to feel more emotionally connected, two left-brain people will use communication to find a solution. In a relationship between opposite brains, the potential for conflict is obvious. How will two people with opposite approaches to life get along?

“Love, the magician, knows this little trick whereby two people walk in different directions
yet always remain side by side.”– Hugh Prather

Common Complaints About A Left Brain Partner

1. Is emotionally unavailable to me.
2. Is preoccupied when we are together; obsessive.
3. Is not in the here and now; always in the past or future.
4. Is too inhibited; can’t let go and play.
5. Is insensitive; too blunt.

Common Complaints About A Right Brain Partner

1. Gets too emotional when talking about problems.
2. Wants too much of my companionship.
3. Is too extroverted; draws attention.
4. Won’t stay on one topic.
5. Does not take a logical approach to problem solving.

NEURO-CISE: RIGHT/LEFT BRAIN, SOLO

Here’s a list of exercises showing which side of the brain will get the workout.

♥ Meditation (Right)
♥ Crossword puzzles (Left)
♥ Picturing a familiar face (Right)
♥ Calculations (Left)
♥ Writing with your non-dominant hand (Right)
♥ Writing with your dominant hand (Left)
♥ Fantasizing (Right)
♥ Organizing (Left)
♥ Repetitive movements (Right)
♥ Remembering a name (Left)
♥ Making love (Right)
♥ Analyzing a work of art (Left)
♥ Imagining how you would decorate a room (Right)
♥ Debating an issue (Left)

NEURO-CISE: BRAIN ACTIVATION, SOLO

If you wish to activate only the right side of the brain, you can close your right nostril by pressing your finger against it, and breathe only through the left nostril, thus activating the right side of the brain. You can also close the right nostril to activate the left side of your brain. This is a quick and easy way to tap into either brain hemisphere. If you wish to activate both sides of your brain, you can first close one nostril, breathe in and breathe out through your nose, then close the other nostril, breathe in and breathe out. This is an ancient yogi technique known as “Swara yoga” which leads to balance of both brain hemispheres.

NEURO-CISE: BRAIN ACTIVATION, DUO

You can activate sides of the brain by stimulating the opposite side of the body. The right brain awakens with a touch on the left side and vice versa, so a way to incorporate brain exercise with your physical intimacy is to take a tour of your partner’s body, alternating from one side to the other. Consider taking this path for full body and full brain stimulation,
and remember to take a pause between each side for the best effect:

♥ Temple
♥ Cheek
♥ Side of the mouth
♥ Ear
♥ Neck
♥ Shoulder
♥ Upper arm
♥ Forearm
♥ Hand
♥ Breast
♥ Ribcage
♥ Waist
♥ Outer thigh
♥ Inner thigh
♥ Buttock
♥ Calf
♥ Ankle
♥ Top of foot
♥ Bottom of foot
♥ Toes

Tantric Sex for Braingasms, Kundalini and More!

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

-

November 24, 2021

Tantric Sex for Braingasms, Kundalini and More!

Sex & Brain Chemistry

Tantra is an enormous topic with many facets, but I’ve learned over the years that there are a few elements that are easy to understand and are immediately helpful.

Margot Anand, best-selling author of The Art of Everyday Ecstasy, describes the power of Tantra this way, “Truly, at the peak of orgasm, we pierce through the illusion of fragmentation and separation, and glimpse the unity and interconnectedness of all beings. And through the other–our partner–we fall in love with life.”

Tantric sex has a rejuvenating effect. It affects brain chemistry by igniting the endocrine glands for more HGH, serotonin, DHEA, testosterone and oxytocin. (For a more thorough overview of the various brain chemicals at work, please see Chapter Three, BrainGasm: Understanding the Science of Love & Sex). Tantra can also improves sexual health, and many scientific studies point to physical benefits such as stimulated blood circulation, body detoxification, and strengthened cardiovascular, endocrine, immune and nervous functions.

What Tantra Is

Many people are unclear about what Tantra is and what it is not. Tantra is not a religion, a sexual cult, a new age spiritual philosophy, exhibitionism, swinging or sex therapy. And there are different kinds of Tantra including White Tantra, which directs energy to expand our spiritual awareness (His Holiness the Dalai Lama practices White Tantra), but you can also practice White Tantra while meditating or doing yoga with your partner. Black Tantra is the opposite as it directs energy to manipulate another person sexually. But we are going to focus on Red Tantra, which directs energy between two lovers that include our thoughts, feelings, physical and sexual actions. Tantra is a Sanskrit word that means “to weave energy”, defined by the Yin (feminine) and Yang (masculine) energy between two partners.

Kundalini Energy

The sexual energy is often referred to as Kundalini energy that is very powerful and can be used:

♥ For a couple to heal a hurt relationship.
♥ For women, Tantra can empower and fulfill their sensual needs.
♥ For men, it can open up a whole new world to intimacy and it can give them the tools to become multi-orgasmic.
♥ For couples, it’s also an opportunity to create a more meaningful and intimate connection.
♥ Mindful loving.
♥ An art.
♥ Sexual enlightenment.

A Brief History of Tantra

About 5,000 years ago, Lord Shiva’s followers developed 112 methods of meditation,
through which one could enter the state of super-consciousness. Some of them included the act of sex. Lord Shiva’s symbol, the Lingam (“the wand of light”) represents the penis and rests in a Yoni (“the sacred place”) that represents the vagina. Very simply explained, the entire path of Tantra is the harmonious union of the masculine and feminine principles in all of us.

Yin and Yang

Like most forces throughout the world, light and dark, hot and cold, wet and dry, positive and negative, there are two essential principles to lovemaking: yin and yang. Yin means feminine and Yang means masculine.

We all have yin and yang attributes and qualities. It would be easy to say that all men are sexual, strong and assertive and all women are sensual, sensitive and submissive, but we know that’s not true. Lots of women are sexual, strong and assertive and many men are sensual, sensitive and enjoy being submissive. A healthy person has a combination of yin and yang attributes and qualities, and looks for someone to complement them, not complete them.

To experience the full enjoyment of Tantric lovemaking, the male and female forces must be balanced in harmony. For example, deep kissing and tender kissing is a perfect combination of yin and yang.

Let’s face it, if you only kissed your partner tenderly, it would become boring, predictable and lack sexuality. On the other hand, if you only kissed your partner deeply, you would probably have sore lips and get bored with that, too.

“We will make love an art and we will love like artists.”– Marianne Williamson

We don’t always need a big production when it comes to lovemaking, but we do need
to be prepared for Tantric sex. When you and your partner have the right ambience, you will have a greater opportunity to enjoy a fulfilling and romantic sexual experience.

One of the best ways to set the mood for love is to incorporate all five of your senses in your lovemaking. If you don’t utilize even one of your senses, you deprive yourself of 20% of the pleasure! That’s why it’s best to prepare something to enhance all five of your senses prior to your lovemaking session.

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Meeting of the Minds

Left Against Right

Left Hemisphere Style: RATIONAL

Right Hemisphere Style: INTUITIVE

Common Complaints About A Left Brain Partner

Common Complaints About A Right Brain Partner

NEURO-CISE: RIGHT/LEFT BRAIN, SOLO

NEURO-CISE: BRAIN ACTIVATION, SOLO

NEURO-CISE: BRAIN ACTIVATION, DUO

Tantric Sex for Braingasms, Kundalini and More!

Sex & Brain Chemistry

Kundalini Energy

A Brief History of Tantra

Yin and Yang

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