12 Sexy Tips on How to Give & Receive the Best Oral Orgasm

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October 12, 2021

pexels-anna-tarazevich-4926697 — Image by Anna Tarazevich on pexels.

Welcome to October! When we begin to bundle up and spend evenings taking long fair-weather walks. A great time of year to get all cozy inside and commit to your orgasm!

As an Orgasm Coach I have guided many to their first or much improved orgasm. I spend a lot of client time on this topic.

The “N”-Word

I had a shocking thing happen to me last month during a virtual event I hold on the second Saturday monthly called Sexy Talk and Play. I used to meet face to face with individuals who came into a local bar that hosted my talks. With CoVid, I have taken the talks online via Zoom, and last month I had just finished talking about using your fingers to stimulate the Gspot and suddenly I hear the “N”word and “no one wants to fuck you”! My heart began to pound. Many voices began asking questions about fisting and how many fingers to use and calling me N***** in the chat.

It was all that I could do to apologize to my listeners and end my Zoom meeting. The experience shook me. I immediately wondered if it was my topic that they didn’t like or was it The color of my skin?

I shared on FB what had happened during my talk and many people posted that it has happened to them, even sent porn on the kids Zoom classes. This is disturbing! Who can help stop this from happening? People are hacking meetings and doing some very disturbing things. It is sad and unfortunate.

*Tip: when setting up your Zoom meeting, use the waiting room feature and require a password.

How to Give Good Fellatio

It ruined a very good talk on giving and receiving oral sex, where I gave tips on fellatio and how the wetter you keep it, the better it is for the receiver.

Fellatio Tips:

Never perform fellatio as a chore. Your excitement increases their excitement and therefore their orgasm.
Pay attention to the sensitivity of the shaft and head of the penis so that you can have fun with pressure and tongue strokes.
Learn to read the sexual response of your mate to take them on an orgasmic journey.

How to Give Good Cunnilingus

The same can be said about the delivery of cunnilingus.

Tips for Cunnilingus

Use your whole mouth on the entire external vagina.
Use your hand to apply a little pressure on the vulva to stimulate the internal clitoris which makes the external parts more sensitive.
*Note: If the clit gets too sensitive and becomes uncomfortable for your mate, you can use the clitoral hood to create a buffer over the clitoris. If this does not work, stay away from the clitoris or take a break.
When you begin to perform, pay attention to the outer and inner lips. Lick and suck them softly. If wanted, you can nibble on them as well.
Use a stiff tongue to play with the vaginal opening, you can reach many of the nerve endings there. You can use a flat, loose tongue to stroke from the perineum to the tip at the base of the vulva. Add wetness as you do so to increase the friction.
If using dental dam, place lube on the vagina to create the best level of wetness.
As your mate gets more into what you are doing -you will know this because they will squeeze your head with their thighs or press down onto your face- follow through to orgasm.
Unless directed to do so, don’t stop whatever you are doing through the climax, don’t stop to soon. I can’t stress that enough. If you get too excited, you may change your position or pressure causing a disruption in the orgasm.
Moving forward with penetration if wanted will continue the orgasmic journey through multiple orgasms.

Oral Sex Just for Foreplay?

Oral sex is usually done for foreplay. I tell people that foreplay should involve the erogenous zones and oral sex is an act itself. The more you “warm” up your mate to the sexual experience you can provide, the better the results.

Talk to your partner, find out what they know about their pleasure. You shouldn’t force them to be satisfied with what you have always done with others. All vulvas are different and need different stimulation. The same for the penis. If your blowjob is a series of habit, you need to shake it up, listen to your mate and deliver their version of a wonderful orgasm.

In case you haven’t caught on, communication is very important to the orgasm. Instead of treating your mate like a Rubik cube where you take a bunch of complex moves trying to get the colors to match. If you listen to them, and of course, if you share what works to get you to orgasm, then you know you are going to have one. But if you guide someone, they can adjust to enhance what you’re asking for, taking things to the next level for you, giving you your best orgasm… EVER!

Conclusion

I probably won’t be able to think of oral without thinking of being hacked on Zoom for a while! I choose to believe that it wasn’t about the conversation and my skin color was just a part of their hateful joke. Sexuality needs to be discussed. Just to keep it sexy, I am going to talk oral again this month.

Approaching Dating During Quarantine

By

Debra Shade

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October 11, 2021

pexels-andrea-piacquadio-3967470 — Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Dating changed drastically during the quarantine. We went from thinking only the creepers where online to setting up several dating accounts. We are forced to be lonely or try our hand at love online. We had to let guards and pieces of us go in order to relax and be entertained by the prospects available via any of a zillion social sites. How do you get someone to pursue you and explore relationship options?

1. Confidence is key. See yourself as the prize and realize that the person who is chasing you sees your intellect, strength, and your beauty. While its important to note that the chaser needs to have some sort of response from you to be encouraged to pursue if you wish. So, give validation, emotional support, and compliments to let the person know you are open to dating.

People are turned on by confident people. You must let them know you are interested without spilling your guts. Don’t agree with everything they say, but don’t be mean either. Be your true self and know that lots of folks are turned on by someone who is naturally themselves. Realize you can build a healthy solid relationship with everyone being their authentic selves.

2. Attraction is a process. Attraction is the chemistry that motivates us to be with another person. Usually, it is a visual attraction and then physical when you meet the person. But here we are, with Covid we are not getting the physical attraction part. Keep challenging your chaser by keeping them interested in the future they may see with you. Remember that just because they start doing things that hint, they are interested, doesn’t mean that its time for you to stop attracting the person. Keep the hunt up.

3. Be Sexy. Confidence, strength, and personality of our own traits make up what kind of relationship you would be looking for. Try looking “sexy”, whatever that looks like for you. The right outfit can flatter and display our attractive features just as highlighting features and physiques play roles in our search for a partner. The summation of confidence is that you should not be predictable or boring. Be in control without being controlling. Many will find that you are more attractive when you are easy to get along with and are confident in yourself. Just know, your personality, strength, confidence, and traits become those things that you must put on display to open yourself to meeting people to date.

4. Personality. In dating considerations include psychological attractiveness such as pleasant and cheerful personalities. A great personality will bring out the best in others. Be careful not to over focus on personality alone, however. This often results in a deep friendship without a sexual spark. Thus, changing the trajectory of the relationship. You basically need to find your own style of attraction. We are all different and the great news is, none of us are perfect so we are all developing our dating wants as we go. Do what is natural to you, then work on other traits and skills that help you establish the kinds of relationships you really want.

5. Be Engaged but Aloof. Find that balance of being engaged and aloof, be engaged in conversation and let them know you. You should want them as well. Understand the difference between wanting someone and needing someone. Don’t try to trap a person into a relationship. Be cautious about when you profess your love for the person. The other thing to note when talking about confidence and sexiness in getting someone to chase you, is letting them ask you about other people. This will let you know their level of interest and allows you to prioritize the relationship and its growth. Just as you will play games, they will too, it will be their way of making sure you are worth the chase.

6. Time. Another change to the dating game is the amount of time you have now to chat with this person and to do it virtually! Some ideas that I can share are virtually taking them with you for tea, watch a television show together or share your hobby with them.

7. Get Over Your Fears. Virtual dating requires you to overcome any fears you have about being on camera, utilize uploaded images or stock images for your background.

Online dating has become the new normal. So go for it!

Getting Kinky: Fantasies & Role-playing to Keep Sex Hot

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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October 7, 2021

pexels-angel-renee-2524953 — Photo by Angel Renee from Pexels

Embrace Your Erotic Fantasies

If you REALLY want to impress your lover… in a flirtatious way ask this simple question:
“Would you like to know my fantasies?” Who in their right mind is going to say NO?

We all know fantasies are essential to our daily lives and everyone has fantasies
whether they admit it or not. We fantasize about what we want to eat for dinner, where
we’re going to go on vacation, what kind of car we want to drive as well as what turn us on the most!

When couples role play together and act out each other’s fantasies, they gain a better
understanding of what the other wants, needs, desires and fears. Couples can improve
their communication, take their relationship to a higher level of intimacy and expand
their sexual horizons.

Role playing sexual fantasies is healthy, fun and natural for couples dating or for those
in a committed relationship of any orientation. Fantasies can rekindle passion, raise a
diminished libido, boost intimacy, are an exciting avenue of escape, heighten enjoyment
of sex, open you up to new activities and can turn sex into adult play.

Erotic Talk

Talking erotically can lead naturally to role playing. Fantasies are fun and will add a
dash of passion and zest to your lovemaking in the process.

Here are a few fantasies you and your lover may want to try out:

Master/Mistress and slave:

The “master” gives the “orders” and the “slave” does whatever the master orders (of course everything is talked about beforehand and is consensual). Keep in mind a creative master will have a much more accommodating slave; creating lots of enjoyment for the slave, makes for a well-loved master.

Call girl or boy:

The man is a john, the woman a call girl, showing up at the man’s hotel room for a trick. Or even more interesting, reverse the roles. The man is the high price gigolo, the woman a johnny. Play out your sexual fantasies.

Pin-Up Model:

How about taking sexy boudoir photos of your lover? It’s best to use a digital or instant camera for any explicit photos or they could end up on the bathroom wall at your local photo-processing lab. A great variation is the photographer/centerfold theme. If your lover has an artistic flair, then try reenacting the sketch scene in the movie, Titanic, preferably without the ship sinking.

Bodice Ripper:

Instead of throwing out old undies, let your lover tear them off you and adoringly ravage you as part of your lovemaking. If the material is too thick, cut them in strategic places so they tear off more easily.

Wrestle Mania:

Have you ever wanted to wrestle with your lover? A little gentle play-wrestling can heat up your lovemaking and get you into shape before a good night’s sleep. But, remember no dirty fighting below the belt.

Conclusion

Try out some fantasies with your lover to see which ones you like. Best case scenario, it is spice up your sex life and lead to greater intimacy!

The Scarlet Goddess: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Avery Jane

By

Megan Hussey

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October 5, 2021

With the beauty and natural grace of a ballet dancer and the strength and spirit of a fighter, Avery Jane is an adult actress and content creator who deserves another title: industry innovator.

This classically beautiful ebony goddess has the brains to back up the image, as is indicated by her use of a decorative A as part of her brand name; a literary reference to The Scarlet Letter, the classic Nathaniel Hawthorne tale of a woman persecuted because of her extramarital affair.

“I read the book in school and became a big fan. This is why the scarlet letter A speaks to me,” she said. “I related to it, because I’ve always been a sexual person–and I realized that, as long ago as that book was written, sexual women still get shamed all the time.”

Yet unlike the doomed heroine in The Scarlet Letter, Avery is proud of her sexuality. Her fans are proud as well, with her female fans sending her thank you letters for helping them grasp and realize their own sexual power.

“This is who I am,” she said. “I’m a passionate person. I want to reclaim the word whore.”

Her strength comes through in her performances, such as in the erotic wrestling scene, Avery Jane vs Jason Michaels for Evolved Fights (which was her 4th scene for the wrestling site). In this unique series, women wrestle against male opponents and come out on top!

“I like to be playfully rough in these fights,” she said. “You can still be pretty and cute, and strong enough to win the fight.”

Avery first perfected this balance of dominance and delicacy through her early career as a ballet dancer, and later as an exotic dancer.

“Dancing gave me a flexibility to stretch,” she said, “and allowed me to be confident in my body.”

It also gave her the discipline and creative control to achieve great diversity early in her career. She oversees an official site/ultimate fan club at AllofAveryJane.com for everything Avery, including exclusive photosets, videos, and more; and an OnlyFans page, onlyFans.com/averyjane. She writes her own scene descriptions and loves to come up with creative concepts and costumes for her content; infusing much of her content with an alt theme and also handpicking her costars, like favorite actor Charles Dera in her latest scene, “Ebony Babe Avery Jane Loves To Fuck Charles LIVE” from her live show with Dera in July for Cherry Pimps. She performed scenes for All Anal, PervCity, Cherry Pimps, Reality Kings, Evolved Fights, Evolved Lez, Aziani, Dogfart, Slut Inspection, and kink.com. And Avery was featured on the pages of the August 2021 issue of AVN Magazine and guested on Naked News the same month.

But Avery does draw the line at race play, or material that is disempowering for women. She believes that women should stick together in this business, praising the intelligence and strength of her sister performers. When this proud pansexual does a girl/girl scene, she likes to infuse the scene with a sense of realism–showing how women really make love. She is also mindful of the stereotypes and pay disparities facing people of color. And she aims to change them.

“I’m here to make a difference,” she said.

One other thing about Avery; she’s a total sweetheart and immediate sisterfriend who deserves every bit of her success.

Buy Avery Jane’s 100+ videos a la carte on ManyVids at AveryJaneXXX.com. Find out why Avery has almost a million views on Pornhub by liking and subscribing to her porn star verified page pornhub.com/pornstar/avery-jane and over 38k subscribers to her XVideos xvideos.com/model-channels/avery_jane. Look for her on cam on CamSoda at camsoda.com/averyjane. Find all her social media and premium links at allmylinks.com/averyjanexos.

“I want to tell all of the ladies out there to seize and enjoy their sexuality,” said Avery Jane, “just as men have been doing for years.”

The Feminist Sexpert agrees. And may I suggest also that we make every Scarlet A into an A plus!

Has Amazon Killed Sex Book Publishing?

By

Ralph Greco

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October 2, 2021

It’s undoubtedly been a wacky, weird road to travel down these past couple decades for those of us involved in sex writing. Be one a scribbler of naughty stuff or a publisher of those scribblings; the goalposts have been “slip, sliding, away,” as Paul Simon would say, over what to write and where to publish during these heady and hearty days of digital. And if anybody gives you a clear-cut definitive answer on where things are headed, even within the next couple months, ignore them; they truly have no clue.

Jeff Bezos, CEO and President of ‎Amazon

Yes, eBook publishing was a massive change to the landscape and a good one for those of us writing niche or genre stuff. I didn’t start publishing my stuff in earnest until I met the wonderful Jean Marie Stine of Renaissance E Books and found that not only could I publish, I could get paid for the naughty stuff that was pouring out of me that I knew mainstream publishers did not want (this was before Fifty Shades of Grey hit and every house everywhere suddenly wanted to publish erotica). The little risk/solid reward model of eBook publishing made perfect sense to me, and I got up a whole bunch of titles with Jean, which led to me gaining some traction (and confidence) to search out other houses and jump-start my career.

eBooks are still out there, but I dare say another and probably the most significant change to the market—to all markets actually—is Amazon.

Good and bad.

For publishers?

Let’s take the good first.

Amazon provides exposure of a scale no publisher’s already hard-working distribution department could beat.

The bad?

Suddenly, Amazon provides exposure of a scale no publisher’s already hard-working distribution department could beat. Being the biggest player, Amazon set rules everyone had to follow, or one could not get their books up on this depository of stuff.

Early on (and still happening), there were guidelines (lots of us saw them as restrictions) set up across the Amazon platform that quickly found, and pretty much deleted, any erotica that did not play by Amazon’s rules. Those authors who wrote fetish stuff, especially age-play fantasy stuff (which was exactly what my first books with Jean Marie were) were set under deep scrutiny, with books excised from Amazon lists at the drop of a hat.

The problem here was that there were no concessions made for the grey areas (like adult consensual age play or fiction about ‘water sports’) in the initial flagging and mass exodus of lots of titles Amazon thought exploitative. Yes, they have gotten better with not just jettisoning stuff whole cloth, pretty much lightening-up on us smut scribes, but still there are lots of restrictions on the site/store that are not so easy to decipher.

Hey, it’s their sandbox, they can make the rules, I have no problem with that. But Amazon’s reasons for jettisoning titles, in the best of instances, still seem somewhat arbitrary.

For writers?

The good.

Amazon worked hard (I will give credit where credit is due) to create a template where just about anyone can upload a book, its cover, and price (and Amazon helps price books as well if you are ignorant in this area) and set up their own ‘shop’ to start selling directly. For the most part, and within the restrictions mentioned above, erotica authors could technically ‘publish’ without having to spend all that much money (or any at all) to do so.

The bad.

Amazon worked hard (I will give credit where credit is due) to create a template where just about anyone can upload a book, which means, now, a pro erotica writer, who may have worked for years building his or her talent, skill, and business acumen, is pretty much competing on a level playing field with amateurs.

Is this good or bad? You decide. But it does mean there is a lot more stuff for the picking out there and a wide range of ‘quality.’

(It reminds me what you find when you got out for an evening at your local café and catch an “Open Mike” night).

The Only Game In Town

There is no dirty little secret here. Amazon works on a rather ‘transparent’ business model.

But it has become an only-game-in-town situation, and that usually scares the shit out of me; monopolies have always scared me and I don’t want only want one option when it comes to the ice cream flavors I can chose from.

And really, it means nothing much at all if somebody comes up to you and says, “I have published a book on Amazon.” Having a book up on the portal is about as unique as having an Instagram page these days.

I don’t have an Instagram page and have long since forgotten the short stories I self-published on Amazon.

Why?

I have a natural aversion to making money and becoming famous. That’s a joke.

Actually, as you have realized reading these columns, I abhor social media and figure just adding to the din of so many other-self-published sex scribes out there will just result in me spinning my metaphorical wheels.

If a publisher I am with puts my book on Amazon, (and pretty much everyone I have published with has), that’s their business. But I have long since given up the idea of putting stuff up there myself. My thoughts might change on this, but for now, I dance with the devil just about as much as I care to.

Should you publish on Amazon? Are they indeed the biggest, and best? I’d advise doing some research beyond my sage advice (not that I really gave you a thumbs up or down here) and figure how, and if, you want to get involved with Jeff Bezos baby.

+++

NINE TO ETERNITY is an anthology of science-fiction short stories edited and anthologized by M. Christian. NINE TO ETERNITY, features a whole bunch of other excellent writers, including Ralph Greco, M. Christian, Ernest Hogan, Emily Devenport, Cynthia Ward, Arthur Byron Cover, Jr., David Lee Summers, Jean Marie Stine, and the estate of Jody Scott, to make Nine To Eternity: A Science Fiction Anthology a memorable reading experience.

Pressing On Your Vanity

By

Ralph Greco

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October 1, 2021

pexels-tasha-kamrowski-987627 — Photo by Tasha Kamrowski from Pexels

I just received an email acceptance and then the contract from a vanity press for one of the children’s books I wrote (my buddy illustrates them).

Yes, writers of naughty stuff can write other stuff as well. Even stuff 360 degrees from smut.

While this publishing house claimed that they are yards away from what anybody would ever come to consider to be a ‘vanity press,’ I quickly came to realize that this is exactly what they are. For a book that taps out at about 15 pages max. (granted with full-color illustrations) this ‘publisher’ (and I quote that word deliberately) was asking for over two thousand dollars from me, then promised to print the book, make copes, advertise… then they would proceed to take 50% of all profits the book made from any sales and sources. Sure, I get a bunch of author’s copies, and the company claimed they’d do their best to make my book bigger than Happy Potter, but with a vanity press, one has to realize the company already has made money from the author. If they can get the book to sell, that’s icing on the cake, but really why would further sales even really matter?

Besides, who has 2000 dollars?

Enough writers have fallen for this malarkey, if this company’s full roster is any gauge, and the little vanity press that doesn’t consider itself a vanity press turns a nice profit.

I politely demurred for the illustrator and me.

Before this offer, which I am now wise to, I was involved in a couple screw-the-author bait-and-switches. On a different level, so different I didn’t see the bilking coming until too late, I spent money, the publisher made a profit from me, leaving the sale of my book irrelevant.

You might find that you come upon a publisher who cannot pay your for a story that they want to include in an upcoming anthology. This, in and of itself, is not a red flag. Plenty of people get money up front for creating a book, but either don’t have the funds when it comes to paying writers or need to wait on the sale of the book to send royalties. I am usually sympathetic to someone just trying to get a book out that lots of times, I agree to have someone publish a story of mine in exchange for a PDF of the eBook or a contributor’s copy.

No problem there, if the terms are set before hand.

But in some cases, (and again I fell for this so don’t feel bad if you have), the publisher buys the story, or in one case a book of poetry of mine was published by a company far from my home country, and I was given the option to buy copies of the book at a ‘contributor’s price.’

Wow, thanks so much.

I could see if I wanted more than one copy of the book. In fact I’ve never asked for more than one copy of a book where I have not offered to pay for extras, plus postage. But charging me for one and offering it at a discount, so I feel I am getting something special?

Come on.

The there are markets like this one, Grandfalloon Magazine, where they not only sent me a bunch of contributors copies (at no cost to me) but have sent subsequent copies of the magazine (which is more like a book) I didn’t even have a story in. You can find them in the link above and if you do, tell them I sent you.

I never said you were going to get rich at this writer’s thing. But you don’t want to lose money. If you’re going to have a story appear in a book that’s going to see distribution (as I proposed in the last column when I spoke about anthologies), but you’re not being paid for it (or you will receive royalties on books sold), consider this a break-even proposition, at least.

Having a poem, story, article ‘out there’ gives it legs that writing and hiding it on your hard drive won’t. And if it doesn’t cost you money upfront to publish, then go for it, I say. When you are seduced into a pay-to-play scenario, you need to be very careful who you are playing with or not play at all. Because really, as I recall way back when I was attempting to be a never-was rockstar, you should never have to put up money for an agent or club owner to play for them as you should never do so for a publisher who wants to publish you.

Don’t let anyone play on your vanity that having a book published is the very best thing to happen to a writer.

Watch your money at all times.

10 Tips on How to Get Love & Trust back After Cheating

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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September 30, 2021

pexels-ron-lach-8059987 — Photo by Ron Lach from Pexels

Is Love Possible After a Cheating Affair?

Even if you are the most attentive, skilled lover, there is still no guarantee that your
partner will not stray. The fact is that the most common reason for infidelity is not sex,
but a lack of communication and emotional stimulation. Therefore, the most important
ingredient for a lasting, loving relationship is great communication. We’ll cover a wide
variety of situations where both men and women have been unfaithful to their significant
others for various reasons, show you how infidelity can lead to dangerous situations and
how infidelity can sometimes enhance a relationship.

What to Do When You Find Out Your Partner Has Cheated

Don’t make any impulsive decisions about ending your relationship before you have time to reflect on whether your relationship is worth fighting for.
Do be prepared to experience an emotional roller-coaster with feelings of shock, betrayal, hurt, disappointment, humiliation, rejection, bewilderment, foolishness, depression, jealousy and rage, all of which are natural reactions. So, take a deep breath and close your eyes so that you can think before you react.
Don’t blame or punish yourself over who or what caused the cheating by drinking, binge eating or starving, medicating or hurting yourself. This won’t change the circumstances and will only make matters worse by pushing your partner away and back into the arms of his/her lover.
Do think about this: as heartbreaking as cheating can be, it is a wound that can be healed and relationships can survive. Sometimes cheating can be a wake-up call to take a relationship to a higher level of understanding and intimacy. Not every relationship can survive, but if both partners have the desire and commitment to move forward, then the odds of success are much higher.
Don’t rush to tell your family and friends about the cheating until you have all the facts. They may hold lasting grudges that cannot be repaired.
Do write down a “Profit and Loss Relationship Statement.” On the Profit Side list all of your partner’s positive qualities and the advantages of staying together. On the Loss Side list all of your partner’s negative qualities and the reasons why splitting up would be better. This is a simple way to determine if the good outweighs the bad in your relationship.
Don’t ambush your partner by attacking them physically because you will be perceived as a dangerous psycho (and be on the wrong side of the law), not to mention push your partner back into the arms of his/her lover.
Do write down all the questions you want to ask about the cheating, but focus on your relationship rather than the third party, at least in the beginning. For example, “What was missing in our relationship that made you want to cheat?” Then ask questions that focus on feelings such as “How did the other person make you feel about yourself when you were with him/her?” This is the most powerful question of all and will ultimately reveal the reason your partner cheated on you.
Don’t become obsessed with the other man or woman who cheated with your partner. Harassing them may actually drive them closer together instead of forcing them apart.
Do be willing to forgive your partner by writing a forgiveness letter to them. Writing a letter is the process of taking out your emotional trash and allows you to release pent-up pain. Write down your feelings, request an apology and end with your forgiveness and love. For example: “I felt unloved and unwanted when I found out that you cheated on me. I need to know the reasons that lead you to be with someone else so that I can forgive and love you with all my heart.”

Femmes Fatale: The Lesbian Porn Company that Made Herstory

By

Megan Hussey

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September 28, 2021

The portrayal of lesbian sex has been a fixture of pornographic films since the dawn of the medium, when ‘girl on girl action’ dominated the frames of black and white stag films.
The only problem is, nobody got it right until the 1980s, with the dawn and birth of the woman-run Fatale Media. This was empowered, feminist, subversive erotica created by and for lesbians.

It’s only right that the next event in the “PinkLabel.tv Live Presents” virtual screening series, created and curated by prominent lesbian pornographer and PinkLabel.tv creator and curator Shine Louise Houston, is “Fatale Media’s Classic Dyke Porn” on Thursday, September 30, at 5 p.m. (PDT).

The event will be hosted by Houston with special guest Nan Kinney, Fatale co-founder, as they screen an array of films released by Fatale Media in the 1980s, ’90s and early ’00s.

“Thank God for Shine,” said Kinney, in an exclusive interview with The Feminist Sexpert. “If anybody was to tell me that, years after these movies were produced, they would be screened at virtual screenings and film festivals, I would have said they were crazy. The films have held up over time, and we can’t wait to show them to old and new audiences.”

And, many would say, thank God for Nan Kinney and her then partner, Debi Sundahl, who produced much of the first authentic lesbian erotica for a deprived audience; feeding their hungers and curiosities via an erotic film series, a live lesbian strip show performed exclusively for a female audience, and On Our Backs, the first–and to date–one of the few porn magazines to cater to–as its tagline read–the adventurous lesbian.

“Everything we did at Fatale was in a spirit of adventure,” said Kinney. “And we wanted to make porn that was right for lesbians.”

Aside from pictorials that featured women of all body types, erotic stories, and articles of interest to lesbians, On Our Backs featured advertisements for XXX lesbian porn films of every variety–and all produced by Fatale Media.

“Founded in 1984, Fatale Media produced explicit, high-quality videos geared to lesbians and other sexually adventurous souls,” a rep explained in a related news release. “Their production of lesbian erotic videos provided a hitherto absent service for the lesbian community. The company’s mission states: As women and homosexuals, lesbians deserve to have available to them quality sexual entertainment materials. These materials reflect the feminist right for control over our bodies, thereby promoting female sexual autonomy. These selections and excerpts showcase the excitement and importance of these now-classic dyke-produced adult films.”

(Right On!!!–Feminist Sexpert edit and interjection)

The virtual event’s schedule, noted the rep, includes butch/femme BDSM film “Shadows” (1985) directed by Debi Sundahl and Kinney; popular lesbian porn “Suburban Dykes” (1990) starring Nina Hartley, Pepper and Sharon Mitchell; “Safe is Desire” (1993), a feature film directed by Debi Sundahl showcasing San Francisco’s Safer Sex Sluts; and “Berlezk Live 2” (1993) directed by Kinney and Debbie Sundahl which documents “the first and longest-running lesbian striptease show, which played to women-only audiences in S.F. from 1984 to 1987 before expanding to twelve other cities in 1989.”

Each jewel in this curated collection represents a different take on the lesbian experience. Shadows starred a real-life couple who gave us an exciting glimpse into their private lives. Suburban Dykes starred a trio of porn legends offering a sexy, passionate tale of a couple in search of new thrills.

“Suburban Dykes is still screened at film festivals and has so many fans,” said Kinney. “The movie had humor and realism, which we tried to use in all of the movies.”

“Safe is Desire” was a vital film, presented at the dawn of the AIDS crisis, that presented and illustrated safe sex practices for lesbians.

“Some people didn’t want us to use the word safe in the title,” said Kinney. “But we were talking about safe sex techniques. And we needed to be. Eventually, the film ended up being shown in schools.”

“Berlezk 2” is a documentary depicting a San Francisco based female revue that brought lesbian fantasies to life for an all-female audience; often flipping the script by showcasing dancers dressed as brides, femme fatale screen sirens, drag kings, etc.

“These dancers were lesbians who wanted to perform for other women, who finally had their own strip club.” said Kenney.

Although varying in theme, these films all bore a vital and binding link.

“We got away from the old boys network of porn,” said Kenney. “This was something sexy and entertaining for women.”

Additional selections include “Take Her Down” (2003) directed by Barbara DeGenevieve, “presenting world-class champion oil wrestler Sondra Goodwin and the slippery depths of nude lesbian oil wrestling”; and “Full Load” (2003) directed by DeGenevieve depicting “transmasculine and lesbian sex scenes from the turn-of-the-century queer porn website ssspread.com, which were among some of the few available depictions of transmasculine sexuality.”

The Outfest UCLA Legacy Project for LGBT Moving Image Preservation provided access to the original masters, from which new HD digital files for this screening were created. And yep, a woman is behind that project as well.

“I’m so thankful to Jenni Olson for working to preserve the masters,” said Kinney.

The event is free to PinkLabel+ members; non-members may purchase a Film Pass for $7 (plus fees). The screenings are in English and open to those aged 18 and older.

Visit PinkLabel.tv for additional program details.

Follow Shine Louise Houston and PinkLabel.tv on Twitter for the latest updates.

Nan Kinney now is retired from the adult industry, but after some begging and pleading on The Feminist Sexpert’s part she did say this about the possibility of future Fatale productions.

“Never say never.”

And she has a message for those just beginning their sensual journey through the world of lesbian erotica.

“Explore,” she encouraged. “Try different sites, images and writings until you find what you like. And ask a friend.”

Or The Feminist Sexpert. Because thanks to the efforts of legendary trailblazers like Nan Kenney, I walk the trails they blazed.

10 Different types of Cheaters: Why People Cheat

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

-

September 28, 2021

pexels-rodnae-productions-6669882 — Photo by RODNAE Productions from Pexels

Who Cheats and Why?

Back in 2009, Loveology University conducted a study on why people cheat. The study included 1,055 men and women who completed a 12-question Internet survey on cheating designed and analyzed by Dr. Leanna Wolfe, Loveology University’s Director of Research. Participation was voluntary; no financial compensation was offered. Relative to recent random sample surveys on cheating, our survey attracted a very large percentage of people who had participated in the cheating triangle (being a cheater, cheated upon and/or a secret lover.)

The Results?

Random sample surveys report about 22% of married men and 14% of married women cheat while 67% of our male respondents and 59% of our female respondents who were either partnered or married report having cheated. Ultimately our survey provides a look into the beliefs and practices of cheaters and their secret lovers.

Most Significant Findings Included

• Females are most likely to cheat when they are younger (24-45) and males are most likely to cheat when they are older (36-55).
• Males are more likely to cheat and females are more likely to report being cheated on.
• 72% of people who cheat have been cheated on.
• Younger cheaters (18-35) are most likely to cheat for attention.
• Cheaters over 36 are most likely to cheat in pursuit of sexual variety.
• Males seek the satisfaction of sexual desires and fantasies through cheating, while older females (over 56), especially, cheat for companionship.
• Males enjoy their cheating experiences more than females do; females often feel guilty and concerned about the man’s spouse/partner.
• Older males (over 56) are most likely to consider a sexless marriage (54%) and a spouse’s inability to have sex for medical reasons (43%) acceptable reasons for cheating.
• Females, who have been cheated on, are more troubled by activities that engender an emotional connection than males who have been cheated on.
• Males and those over 36 are most likely to regard cheating as a means to feel more alive.
• Excitement is more important to cheating males (58%) than cheating females (44%).
• Females and those under 35 are most likely to believe that people cheat because they can get away with it.
• The majority of cheaters between 18-23 (54.4%) and females (52.2%) contend that there are no acceptable reasons for cheating

The Loveologist Guide to Understanding Cheating

There are many different types of cheating from a quickie one night stand, emotional
phone or cyber-cheating, and a secret romance or compulsive sex addiction, but all of them provide the excitement of new sexual heights that result in greater self-confidence
for the cheater. All the different types of cheating are based upon “Fear” or “Ego.”

The Fear Based Cheater

Fear based cheaters cheat due to underlying emotions of fear. These include:

1 – Fear of Rejection

This cheater may be in love with their partner, but cheats because they need approval from others to drive their sexual desires. One partner is not enough for them emotionally, so they constantly flirt and put themselves into tempting situations that they hope will lead to sex.

2 – Fear of Intimacy

This cheater is so afraid of getting hurt that they won’t allow any feelings of love or attachment. They may say “I love you,” but they don’t mean it and use sex as a justification to avoid love and intimacy.

3 – Fear of Being Trapped

This cheater feels resentful towards their partner for trapping them into a commitment. They cheat with anyone anywhere and often end up hurting everyone.

4 – Fear of Self-Worth

This cheater has such low self-esteem that they don’t believe there is any emotional attachment to their partner, ultimately believing they can find love in all the wrong places.

5 – Fear of Power

This cheater has a fear of losing their power, whether it’s based on fame or fortune, they abuse their power and cheat to make themselves feel superior to others. They feel an entitlement to have sex with whoever they want and deny any wrong doing even when caught.

The Ego Based Cheater

Virtually every successful person has a strong ego that’s fed by his or her success and
they are constantly approached by attractive people willing to have sex with them. The
temptation becomes so great that it can be surprising when such men and women
DON’T act on their ego impulses at least once.

6 – Ego of Success

This cheater uses their success and power to seduce lovers whether it is a celebrity or CEO of a company, he or she often feels entitled to have sex. They know that their position is a natural aphrodisiac so there are always plenty of willing volunteers. Success doesn’t always breed cheaters, but there are many who will take advantage without any feelings of guilt.

7 – Ego of Appearance

This cheater needs to feel attractive and hunts for lovers who will stroke and feed their physical appearance ego. When the opportunity does arise, the thrill of acceptance is difficult for them to resist. They stay with a lover as long as their egos keep swelling and often have a stable of lovers.

8 – Ego of Diversity

This cheater wants to have sex with as many people as possible as long as it’s more sex, different sex, new sex with a wide variety of partners. Every time they bed a new conquest, it boosts their ego and many of them actually keep a score card, take pictures or videos. When they need an ego boost, they can look at their memorabilia or go hunting.

9 – Ego of Opportunity

This cheater is spontaneous and wants to try new sexual activities their partner refuses. Their ego swells every time they get to live out a new fantasy and their attitude is that what their partner doesn’t know won’t hurt them.

10 – Ego of Love

This cheater needs to feel like they are loved emotionally even more than being physically or sexually irresistible. Their ego is fragile and even when they have a loving partner; it’s not enough for them to be loved by one person, but many. In their mind, this is what gives this cheater value.

Conclusion: Why Do People Cheat?

The rationale behind the different types of cheating happens because the cheater has a
personal coping pattern of dealing with their own shortcomings. The cheater’s behavior
has nothing to do with their partner, but the good news is that cheaters can change, but
only if and when they are ready.

The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Erika Lust

By

Megan Hussey

-

September 28, 2021

WANDERLUST #vanlifediaries_XConfessions_Credits_Kristy — From the Erika Lust film Wanderlust, credit goes to Kristy

A true pioneer and creative leader in the world of feminist porn, director Erika Lust released her first film in 2004 and hasn’t slowed down since–directing a vast series of creative, ethically produced XXX features that also happen to be smoking hot. She has won more than 50 industry awards for her artistic interpretations of the female gaze, and expanded her empire to include room for four content sites and ample creative opportunities for people of all genders, colors and sexualities to express their message and vision. And now, Erika Lust brings us something Else.

Else Cinema is a pioneering softcore channel that showcases romance and sensuality in a highly artistic filmed forum.

The Feminist Sexpert is honored to interview one of her greatest inspirations and role models: Erika Lust.

Erika Lust_Portrait_Credits_Monica Figueras.

FS: Erika Lust, in your auspicious career as an erotic film director, you’ve covered a great deal of territory in terms of film types and genres–and now, you’re exploring the softcore realm with Else. What inspired you to host a special channel specifically for softcore films?

EL: “Not everyone wants to, or needs to see the more explicit sex scenes. Some people are very visual and others prefer to use their own imagination. There are many different ways to be sexual and it doesn’t always include intercourse, some don’t need any visual stimulation at all! Else Cinema is for the many fans of my work who want to experience sex and sexuality from a different perspective. It’s about engaging all your senses, and more about how sex feels rather than how it looks.

On this same line, I am about to launch my brand new audio erotica content at Else Cinema! Created hand by hand with BLAZE, I wanted for each and every story of the Else Cinema Audio Erotica to be sex positive, safe, consensual, and inclusive – just as much as the films. I see audio erotica as a conscious, empowering, and above all personal way to consume erotica and I hoped to bring the high standards of our audiovisual storytelling to the world of audio sex stories. Else Cinema Audio Erotica will be available starting from August and will be for free for premium subscribers.”

FS: As a softcore fan myself, I love the genre because it tends to feature more tenderness and more of a story than hardcore. What challenges does this pose to you as a filmmaker? And do you feel that softcore can be more romantic and respectful in content, for both performers and viewers?

EL: “I’ve always paid attention to make sure to capture tenderness and romance and, in general, chemistry. Real connection is sexy! But, being sex positive also means understanding that not everyone is turned on by the same thing and that, above all, there are no better sexual experiences than others, as long as they are based on consent.

I personally don’t believe that hardcore porn is necessarily less respectful or has less of a story than softcore. We can have consensual and respectful sexual relationships whether they are romantic, kinky, or anything in between! This is what I strive to show through all my sites XConfessions, Lust Cinema, and Else Cinema; that no matter what the type of sex, what really matters is equal pleasure, honest communication, and mutual consent.”

FS: Else also features films from other directors, an auspicious list of feminist directors that are widely known. How did you select the films?

EL: “It’s important for me to work only with directors who have the same values and create ethical content across all my platforms. I’ve been lucky enough to work with some amazing directors over the years so it’s easy to find new work within this indie erotica community. With the help of my team, I personally handpick each month new films to license which are coming from a growing movement of directors who are changing the industry from within, by positively portraying human sexuality and shaping a relevant change in gender perceptions.”

FS: How did you plan the categories of Else films, as I know that the themes are diverse.

EL: “When deciding on the categories we were thinking of how people search for movies and also what are the most popular fantasies. The categories are representative of the variety of content Else Cinema provides.”

FS: Erika, we have to have a word about your kilt movie. For more years than I can count, I myself have purchased the men in kilts calendar each and every year. Thank you for this movie–what inspired it?

EL: “As all of the films on XConfessions it was inspired by a confession sent in by a fan. I had such a good time filming this movie on a hot summer day! It’s always interesting to read the confessions people send in because you realize that almost anything can be sexy or a creative inspiration. I think many of us have wondered what is under those kilts… I love playing with those fantasies and making them come to life.”

FS: Would you like to give updates on your other lines, like XConfessions and Lust Cinema?

EL: “I recently released my first South Asian inspired short film for XConfessions, The Saree Shop, which I co-directed with none other than acclaimed performer and sex educator Kali Sudhra! It was an amazing experience making this and I learnt a lot about the saree and South Asian traditions from Kali and Kajal, which I’m forever grateful for. I urge you to watch the behind the scenes video and Kajal’s interview video to hear more about their own experiences.

As for Lust Cinema, we just released the first episode of season 2 of Primary – an original series directed by our Lust Cinema exclusive contract director Casey Calvert. Following the success of the first season, Primary 2 continues to develop the stories of two non-monogamous couples’ journeys of love and lust. It’s a beautifully shot inside look at the highs and lows of modern day relationships through the lens of polyamorous millennials.

Finally, I would also encourage you to check out my Lust Zine as well. The zine is uncensored, meaning that guest writers and myself cover everything related to sex, kink, sexuality, intimacy, filmmaking, feminism and the adult industry… totally uncensored.”

FS: No question here–I just want to thank you for being a pioneer and a continuing inspiration for women in the erotic film industry–and for always being so supportive of other women in the industry, myself included. I know we’ll talk again soon.:)

EL: “Thank you for reaching out and for watching my films!”

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The Only Game In Town

Is Love Possible After a Cheating Affair?

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The Results?

Most Significant Findings Included

The Loveologist Guide to Understanding Cheating

The Fear Based Cheater

1 – Fear of Rejection

2 – Fear of Intimacy

3 – Fear of Being Trapped

4 – Fear of Self-Worth

5 – Fear of Power

The Ego Based Cheater

6 – Ego of Success

7 – Ego of Appearance

8 – Ego of Diversity

9 – Ego of Opportunity

10 – Ego of Love

Conclusion: Why Do People Cheat?

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