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Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults

Sexpert.com has the Best Sex Education Articles for Adults from an expert line up of certified sex experts.

Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.

Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.

Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.

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The Differences Between BDSM & Abuse

By
Bobby Morgan
-

Finding My Dream Dom

I’m not the first and I certainly won’t be the last person to write about the differences between BDSM and abuse.

Years ago, I had actively sought out single Doms for relationships. I had a few good experiences that didn’t pan out for personal or compatibility reasons. I immediately weeded out a ton of dickheads and clueless wannabes before there was ever a hope of exchanging phone calls or meeting in person. I also chatted or met with about a half-dozen men who scared me so badly that I ended and blocked contact with them every way I knew how. They just wanted to verbally and/or physically abuse women.

I don’t mean to sound melodramatic about some of the horrible men I came across in my life. If I had the information and contacts that I have now about what is truly, safe, sane and consensual (SSC), I would have never let things get as far as they went. There’s a lot more good credible information available about BDSM now than when I was looking for the Dom of my dreams years ago, but I still see bad information floating around.

Some Subs Don’t Even Know They Are Being Abused

Ironically, some of the worst offenders are usually in some sub-to-sub online discussion forums where the most influential posters have no idea or refuse to believe that they’re being abused. They talk about large, deep patches of bruises and welts like badges of honor. They insist that they’ll do anything their Doms tell them to without question in order to make them happy. And I don’t think I have to explain how lots of people pick up “everything they know” about BDSM from the media, erotica and porn.

It’s easy for people to pick up mixed messages. On the surface, BDSM can look like abuse. Restraints and pain implements like whips, floggers and canes may be used to inflict pain but as long as it induces or incorporated with pleasurable sensual experience.

Terms like “humiliation” and “degradation” may be used, but only to push psychological limits in a controlled way with mutual sexual satisfaction. Words like “whore”, “bitch” and “slut” may be used to evoke a partner’s deeply buried and uncensored sexual side. But if you don’t feel like you’re getting a sexual thrill or feel good or liberated about taking part in activities like that, evaluate how you feel and what’s going on in your BDSM relationship in these following ways.

BDSM is based on consent. It’s not consent if…

  • You did not expressly give consent.
  • You were afraid to say “No”.
  • You say, “Yes,” to avoid conflict or to avoid consequences like losing a job or being outed.
  • You cannot withdraw consent and stop what’s happening at any time.
  • You cannot express limits and needs without being ridiculed, criticized or being coerced into relinquishing limits.

Tell-tales Signs of an Abuser Vs a Dom/me

A Dominant (a male Dom or female Domme) will take a submissive’s concerns seriously during or after a scene, even days or weeks after; an abuser will not.

A Dominant will take responsibility for any physical, emotional or mental trauma that arises during the course of play. An abuser will say abuse didn’t happen or will shift the responsibility for how a sub feels back to him or her.

A Dominant encourages a submissive to have contacts within in the BDSM community or anyone else in a submissive’s life. An abuser will limit or forbid a submissive to have contacts with others in or even out of the BDSM community.

A Dominant encourages a submissive to learn about BDSM. An abuser may forbid a submissive to learn about BDSM or even refuse to learn about BDSM him or herself.

A Dominant respects limits and pays immediate heed to safewords. An abuser may convince you not to use safewords, admonishes you for using safewords, or ignores safewords.

A Dominant may take control your behavior during the course of scene. An abuser may take control of your behavior at all times.

BDSM is enjoyed by all partners: fun, erotic, loving, and done with an understanding of trust. An abuser has no regard for enjoyment of his or her partner and feels entitled to obedience.

A Dominant learns what they do before they put it into action and will even talk about their learning and training. A Dominant will also show a submissive their favorite implements and talk about what they know about safety and how to handle emergencies before any kind of play ensues. An abuser gets dismissive, defensive or even angry when questioned about their BDSM knowledge, education, training or awareness of risks.

Dominants check on their submissives to make sure they’re okay during the course of a scene and even just after or even days afterward. Abusers have no concern for a submissive’s safety, comfort or enjoyment.

A Dominant intends to have a mutually enjoyable encounter; an abuser does not.

During bondage scenes, Dominants use safety clips and know how to release a submissive quickly. An abuser restrains victims with fear and intimidation.

BDSM is about the building of a trusting relationship between two consenting partners. An abuser will breach a submissive’s trust because he believes he’s entitled.

BDSM is about the mutual respect demonstrated between two enlightened people. Abuse is about the lack of respect or even straight-out contempt that one person demonstrates toward a submissive.

BDSM is about a shared enjoyment of controlled erotic pain and/or humiliation for mutual pleasure. Abuse is out-of-control physical violence or emotional degradation that leaves a submissive feeling physically or emotionally wounded with no reward.

Negotiation occurs before a BDSM scene to determine what can and will not happen during the course of a scene. An abuser determines what will happen without input or consent from a submissive.

Each person involved in a BDSM scene is concerned about the needs and desires of others. An abuser doesn’t consider the needs of a submissive and may even insist that a submissive should like and enjoy everything inflicted upon them.

What to do if You Feel You are Being Abused

If any of these situations sound like what you’re dealing with, it’s time to reevaluate, renegotiate or walk away from the relationship. If you still have questions or doubt or need help getting out of an abusive relationship of any kind (the risk of abusive relationships is not limited to BDSM), call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

Or go here: https://www.thehotline.org/

You can also find more information here at the Submissive Guide: BDSM Vs Abuse.

Keep in mind that there are lots of great Dominant men and women out there. Some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. They’ll be the first to tell you that respect and trust are earned; it’s a two-way street. They practice what they say with others in the BDSM community, their neighbors, their co-workers, the waitress who works at the corner diner, and, of course, their subs … just in a different way.

Pain & Pleasure in the Brain: Why it Hurts So Good!

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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Photo by Olga Korolenko on Unsplash

Mind and Body Experiences

To be fully engaged in life, we must become aware of the extraordinary connection between our mental state and our physical being. Everything we do relies on neurons communicating with one another, electrical impulses and chemical signals carrying messages across different parts of the brain as well as between the brain and the rest of the nervous system. The body and mind work together to heighten all our experiences, our love and sex lives included.

Pain and Pleasure Ignite The Same Areas of the Brain

Scientists have also discovered that emotions have a physical place in the brain. Anger, happiness, sadness, fear – each has a specific neural circuitry that has evolved over millions of years. Interestingly, many dichotomous emotions reside in the same place. For example, fear and anger come from the same area of the brain, which is the root of the “fight or flight” response. Similarly, pain and pleasure are also roommates. Studies have shown that people who enjoy BDSM (Bondage, Domination/Discipline, Sadism and Masochism) ignite the same areas of their brains for both the pleasure and the pain they experience.

Emotional Hurt, Physical Pain

When people feel emotional pain, it triggers the same areas of the brain as physical pain.

Why is this? Going back to our initial definition of feelings, the body responds to the messages of the mind. This applies to a broken heart as much as a broken toe.

Our body responds to our thoughts and feelings. Below is a just a short list of some of the physical conditions that can indicate our emotional health is out of balance:

♥ Back pain
♥ Chest pain
♥ Constipation
♥ Exhaustion
♥ Headaches
♥ High blood pressure
♥ Insomnia
♥ Palpitations
♥ Sexual problems
♥ Stiff neck
♥ Upset stomach
♥ Weight changes

Alan Fogel, Ph.D., explored this phenomenon for Psychology Today (“Where Does Emotion Hurt In The Body?” 2012) with a series of insightful questions, most notably this one about tripping over a box someone left behind, “If my brain sends me the signal that I broke my toe and I can feel it in my toe, where does my brain place the emotional pain of anger I have for the guy that left the box in the hallway?” More directly, “Where does emotional pain hurt?”

Fogel wonders if emotional pain might reside in the area of the body that represents that unexpressed emotion. For instance, in the example of a toe stubbed on a box left in the hallway, the decision to not yell at the culprit may result in tension in the neck, throat and jaw because the desired expression was not taken, so the muscle that would have otherwise been exercised becomes tense. So, really, saying someone is a “pain in the neck” is more truth than cliché.

Using this logic, is “heartbreak” a real thing? Some researchers believe so. The feeling of love is partly created by vagal-parasympathetic activation, which promotes an easy and relaxed integration of breathing and heart rate. When this comfortable feeling is challenged
by deception or a break up, the sympathetic nervous system responds the same as if it were a physical threat. Since the safety was felt in the chest area, the body may go into protection mode, thereby causing shoulders to hunch into a downcast posture as if to protect the chest and the heart from further pain.

It is important to become aware of where emotional pain resides in our bodies because the location may hold the key to releasing the pain. To improve your emotional and physical health, keep these basic goals in mind:

♥ Don’t repress, deny or ignore your feelings.
♥ Express your feelings in appropriate ways.
♥ Maintain a positive outlook.
♥ Develop resilience.
♥ Practice relaxation techniques.
♥ Take care of your body with healthy nutrition and exercise.

Take a moment to pay attention to your body. Do you have a physical pain that isn’t related to a known injury or ailment? If so, how might it be related to unresolved emotional pain?

Tune into these emotions, and work through them instead of suppressing them, and you may find this will alleviate the physical pain.

 

Sexy Food: What Are Aphrodisiacs & Do They Work?

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
-
Photo by Polina Tankilevitch from Pexels

Taste of Heaven

Of course, the pleasures of the nose are matched only by the pleasures of the tongue. Like rock ‘n roll, taste is big and bold and exhilarating.

Can you imagine a life without knowing the pleasures of chocolate, fresh strawberries or seafood? Well, thanks to friendly little chemical receptors on the tongue, roof of mouth and throat, you don’t have to. For the most part, the tip of tongue reads sweetness and the back of the tongue is sensitive to bitterness with salty and sour receptors found on the top and sides of the tongue. The signals move along through the limbic system, which also reads the messages for odors. Given the proximity of the pathways for taste and smell, it’s little wonder that there is a symbiotic relationship between the two.

“The sensation of flavor is actually a combination of taste and smell,” said Tom Finger, a professor at the University of Colorado-Denver Medical School. “If you hold your nose and start chewing a jelly bean, taste is limited, but open your nose midway through chewing and then you suddenly recognize apple or watermelon.” This explains why taste is affected when a head cold renders a person stuffed up and unable to smell. Conversely, a scented candle burning on the dining room table will affect the taste of the meal.

While it’s usually true that denying one sense enhances the others, we can see now that this doesn’t pertain to the relationship between smell and taste. However, taste will be greatly enhanced by removing other senses, most notably sight. It can be extremely erotic
to enhance the sense of taste with blindfold play. Take turns with a blindfold, and feed each
other some tasty foods such as juicy fruits or fine cheeses.

It’s also incredibly erotic to intimately explore your partner’s body with your tongue without the aid of vision. Pay attention to taste of their kiss. Savor the sweetness of their sweat. Lovingly perform oral sex, not as a means to intercourse but as an act of sensory exploration.

Speaking of oral sex, the flavor of semen and vaginal juices can be influenced by the foods we eat. If you’re going to explore the flavors of the body, the best thing to do is to have a fruit-filled diet leading up to the adult playtime, as the natural sugars enhance the flavors in both sexes. Coffee, beer, garlic, onion, and milk products all create less pleasurable flavors, generally speaking. Smokers tend to taste the most bitter, which is another good reason to give up smoking.

Light My Fire

Stories about aphrodisiacs and their abilities to increase sexual desire have been around for decades and run the gamut from seeds to sweets to serpents.

“Taste is a sense to be taken seriously. It’s a powerful aspect of sexual compatibility.” – Dr. Pepper Schwartz

There’s plenty of debate on whether there are any true aphrodisiacs but there are certainly reasons why some may work as triggers for sexual enhancement. The most powerful aphrodisiacs work on both physiological and psychological levels. The smell of jasmine,
perhaps, could be a physiological aphrodisiac which also brings you back psychologically to that incredible night when you made love in the garden by jasmine bushes.

Many of the foods heralded as aphrodisiacs may simply be considered sexual because of their shape. Consider the phallic shape of carrots, cucumber, bananas, leaks, zucchini, and licorice, or the female sexual organ design of clams, mangos, figs, kiwi, artichoke, peaches and passion fruit. The act of eating them can feel sexual given the way they look, or the fact that they are juicy, messy or moist on the tongue.

There are a few foods, however, that have caught the attention of scientific researchers with the authentic enhancements they provide.

Real Aphrodisiacs

♥ A stalk of crunchy celery is packed with two pheromones that can help men attract women, according to Dr. Alan Hirsch, a neurologist and psychiatrist who has devoted over 25 years of research to the science of smell and taste.
♥ Vanilla ice cream can boost your libido and can make your orgasm more powerful. A study conducted at Chicago’s Smell and Taste Treatment & Research Foundation found that when men smell the scent of vanilla it reduces their inhibitions.
♥ The American Dietetic Association reports that Brazil nuts can help keep sperm cells healthy. If you prefer almonds, you’re in luck as they are also libido-boosting vitamin E.
♥ Blueberries are Mother Nature’s original potency food for men with erectile problems. Professor Mary Ellen Camire at the University of Maine reports that they are loaded with soluble fiber, which helps push excess cholesterol through the digestive system and they are packed with compounds that help relax blood vessels, improving circulation all through the body.
♥ The naughty looking banana can help your body produce sex hormones a few hours before getting it on and it converts carbs into energy so it will give you more endurance between the sheets.
♥ The Journal of Sexual Medicine reports that one cube of dark chocolate daily can lead to greater desire and better overall sexual function.
♥ Cherries are sweet and tasty, but also stimulate pheromone production and have potassium that is essential for producing sexual hormones.
♥ Cucumber is a phallic looking food that arouses women with its aroma as well as its taste. Nutritionally, it provides several nutrients essential for sexual health, including Vitamin C and a mineral called manganese.
♥ Strawberries are luscious to look at and delicious to eat, but they are also a high source of vitamin C and are rich in antioxidants that benefit the heart and help lower cholesterol.
♥ Chewing on black licorice found it to enhance love and lust as it contains plant estrogens and stimulates the sex glands, bringing oxygen to the female genitals 40% faster.

Are They Or Aren’t They?

Many believe that alcohol is an aphrodisiac, but it doesn’t raise sexual interest as much as it lowers inhibitions. Quickly absorbed by the digestive system and the bloodstream, drinking taints judgment, impairs memory, creates mood swings, and reduces control of
motor skills. Sexually, these consequences diminish performance, healthy decision-making, and the quality of relationships. It also has the ability to undermine self-esteem, which hinders sexual pleasure. Doubts about love, attractiveness, and worthiness run amuck. And let’s not forget that too much booze can mean too little sexual sensation, including impotence. Alcohol is haunted by an aphrodisiacal paradox. When the edge of “just enough” is crossed, the substance goes from sexually good to sexually bad.

A different but similar paradox is found in medicines created to treat erectile dysfunction. Some men consider the introduction of Viagra to be the greatest medical breakthrough in the history of time. As grandiose as that sounds, it gives some insight into the importance
virility holds in the minds of many. Proclaimed by some sexologists as “the greatest aphrodisiac of our time,” Viagra and its brethren are certainly noteworthy, but the medicine at work doesn’t exactly fall within the formal definition of the word.

Sildenafil nitrate is the drug commonly known as Viagra, Levitra and Cialis. People view it as an aphrodisiac, but clinically there is no evidence that this impotence treatment changes sexual desire at all.

Without the component of desire, sex is like digestion. The system produces a physical change (penis engorges with blood), but the physiological component that defines a true aphrodisiac is left out.

Now where is the pleasure in that?

Games You Shouldn’t Play

By
Debra Shade
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Photo by Jonathan Borba from Pexels

You’ve beat the odds and have landed a relationship. Chemistry is there, you’re having long conversations and occasionally when you accidentally touch, sparks fly between you. This is the honeymoon phase of a blossoming relationship. It takes work to build a healthy relationship. A lot of times, we put in the wrong work and wreck our relationships before they even have a chance. Some of us may be afraid when the relationship starts to get too serious. Some of us may even self-sabotage the relationship so that they are “shielding” themselves from hurt.

This is a behavior pattern that you can break. You can stop working harder by playing games that cause issues in the relationship. Games lead to wedges that block growth in a relationship. Folks have literally walked away from each other because of their interpretations of the meaning of the games people play. Instead, take deep breaths and practice a form of communication that makes a person feel powerful; physically, and emotionally. Such power drives the attraction that is between you.

If a person is attracted to you physically and emotionally, there is no need to play games, or this could be your last first kiss. Imagine allowing yourself to be happily involved with this individual as time goes on. You must find a way to keep them interested far, far into the future. Don’t be afraid of this… don’t ruin it with games. They should be doing the same thing. Thus, fulfilling your needs.

For example, be strong and tease them, challenge them and be adventurous about what you do together. If they are smart, argue with them a little but not constantly. Banter can be fun and informative. There is a difference between confrontation/disagreement and jest. Instead of coming of as argumentative, you will appear strong and engaging. In the same vein, you must find that perfect balance with tension in the relationship.

Every relationship has some level of tension. The line between healthy tension and relationship strangulation is the feeling you have in your gut when you interact with the person. Never go slack, keep up banter that solicits positive responses. Don’t do things that are slightly annoying just to get a response. You need to balance tension by drawing out a response you want by doing things that indirectly trigger it. Sexual tension requires a balance as well. Sexually you can go in for a kiss, hover over their lips and then stop, smile and pull away. The unfulfilled connection will raise a person’s arousal levels. Keep them sexually interested in you.

Don’t play bored if you’re not. This is not attractive, and the goal is to build up attraction to create a long-lasting relationship. If you are predictable, you will be perceived as boring and quick. Don’t play games about being engaged or active in the relationship. If you want them to think your boring, for whatever reason, don’t be upset to see the relationship end.

This is the same as control.

Being over controlling is never fun. No one wants to be controlled and if you play games at “dominating” or “controlling” them, you may find yourself alone again. Same as agreeing with everything they say. “What ever you want to do baby.” This gets old quick. Individuals enjoy dating people who have opinions, likes and dislikes and they enjoy learning about you. If you’re trying to keep building attraction, you need to speak up and have your own thoughts and dislikes.

Qualities that make you date worthy are confidence, strength, personality traits, and what kind of relationship you are looking for. By playing games you come off completely the opposite and your mate will most likely lose interest. This includes your ability to maintain basic physical fitness and proper grooming. These things add to your physical attractiveness and what you bring to the table.

To create a connection, you also must consider the psychological attractiveness. If you play mind games, you are breaking a connection before it has a chance to grow into something special. For long-term and emotionally intimacy, your focus should not be on trying to get the person to behave how you want them to, you must be open to allowing them to be themselves and bring their true selves to the relationship. Developing psychological attractiveness involves learning the skills to develop rapport through conversations. Conversations that are forward moving and not stagnant because of things that you are doing to throw a monkey wrench into the mix.

Sensation Play- Smells Like Sex

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
-

The Sweet Smell of Success

To me, smell is the country music of the senses. It’s the moist air after a rainstorm. It’s rose petals on the bed. It’s autumn leaves rustling in the wind. Have you ever noticed how quickly a smell can trigger a reaction?

I was working with a man once on a creative exercise and when he opened a box of crayons, he smiled and said, “Wow, that smells like childhood.” Few things can trigger memories quite like smell. That’s because the receptors in the nose send signals to
multiple areas of the brain, including the olfactory bulb, which is part of the brain’s limbic system. This area is sometimes called the “emotional brain” because this area processes memories and feelings.

These receptors take note of seven sensations, generally categorized as camphor, musk, ether, acrid, putrid, mint and flower. The connection between smell and memory is so strong that people can remember a scent with 65% accuracy after a year, while the recall of an image is only about 50% after three months.

While we tend to put more emphasis on the senses of sight, touch and sound when it comes to romantic relationships (How does my partner look? How does my partner feel? How sexy is my partner’s voice?), smell is actually one of the most important senses utilized in sexual attraction due to the invisible pheromones that we share.

These invisible chemicals are so powerful that they carry a greater influence than we
may realize. For evolutionary reasons, both men and women have learned to be attracted to partners with different immune systems than their own, because the combined immune systems help create stronger offspring.

Women are more sensitive to the smell of pheromones than men, and they affect a woman’s love biochemical receptors. In his book The Owners Manual of the Brain, Dr. Pierce J. Howard shows that pheromones can even be at the root of a romantic disconnect, even after a relationship has started. The make-up of many birth control pills causes women to be attracted to men with similar immune systems, as detected via pheromones.

But after a long period of time, including into marriage, a woman may go off her birth control, and suddenly wonder why she was ever attracted to such a man.

Given the strong connection between smell and emotion, it’s important to be aware of what smells work and don’t work for your partner. For instance, Napoleon specifically asked his wife Josephine not to bathe for the two weeks before he returned from battle because he liked her natural scent. Would she have done this if he hadn’t asked?

“Memories, imagination, old sentiments, and associations are more readily reached through the sense of smell than through any other channel.”– Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes

As a side note, did you realize that the vagina doesn’t need to be douched? As Eve Ensler, playwright of The Vagina Monologues says, “My vagina doesn’t need to be cleaned up. It smells good already.” She’s right; the vagina is the cleanest place in the female body with a perfect pH balance that is self-cleaning.

It can be confusing to understand what smells work for some and not for others because our own sense of scents is so engrained in our minds that we may not even realize the psychological aspects at play.

What may remind you of great sex could remind your partner of a bad break up so, if in doubt, go for the cleanest smells possible as a starting point and build up from there.

NEURO-CISE: SMELL, DUO

♥ While beautiful to look at, make sure the scent of flowers is a positive experience. Don’t place them near ripening fruit or vegetables, as they will wilt quicker.
♥ Don’t use scented candles during a meal because their smell could conflict with the aroma of the food.
♥ Experiment with soaps, lotions, shampoos and essential oils to find out which ones you and your partner find most pleasing.
♥ Shower with your partner and enjoy the purity of their clean smell.
♥ Put potpourri sachets in your undies drawer.
♥ Spray flower scents around your bedroom before sleep to promote more positive dreams.

Clinical trials have shown that the smell of lavender can help in insomnia, anxiety,
stress, and post-operative pain, according to a report from Maryland University.

Only Your Nose Knows

“We crave love; we go through withdrawal from love; we relapse into love; we pursue love at all costs.” – Dr. Helen Fisher

Aromatherapy can be a great way to enhance intimacy. In studies conducted by the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, the scent of pumpkin pie was found to increase penile blood flood by 40% while increasing sexual desire in women as well. Who says you have to wait until Thanksgiving?

Here’s a list of additional scents to keep in mind, as they have been known to increase sex drive:

♥ Basil
♥ Cedarwood
♥ Sage
♥ Ginger
♥ Geranium
♥ Jasmine
♥ Juniper
♥ Lavender
♥ Patchouli
♥ Sandalwood
♥ Ylang Ylang
♥ Vanilla

So, turn on yours and your partner’s senses with some scents!

Get an added edge by using pheromones and fragrance oil to last you all day long with Eye of Love!

Get 10% OFF with Coupon Code DRAVA!

How to Be the Master of the Clitoris

By
Bobby Morgan
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Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

The two main ways women can orgasm are by the G-spot and the clitoris (fact: 70% of women get off by clitoral stimulation). For the sake of keeping things focused, let’s talk about the clitoris.

Finding the Clitoris

Photo by Caio Cardenas from Pexels

The external size and appearance of the clitoris is different for every woman. For the most part, it usually looks like a fleshy pebble that gets hard during sexual arousal. Sometimes, you can’t see or feel the clitoris until a woman is sexually aroused. So before you hone in on the clit, get her going – seduce her, caress or massage her body and breasts, or softly play or caress her labia. Any one or more of these techniques will bring the clitoris out to play!

A Light Touch is the Best Touch

A light touch is the best touch, at least at first. Flick the tip of your tongue on or around her clitoris. Lightly move your fingertip on or around her clitoris. Lube helps if you’re using your fingers. The slick sensation of lube feels awesome and will usually help get her wet. Start with a gentle setting on a vibrator or a vibrator that doesn’t feel like a grinder. Check out our review of the Magic Wand Original Vs Magic Wand Rechargeable!

A note about vibrators: I know a lot of guys are threatened by vibrators. Don’t be! Vibrators are not intended to be a replacement for a man or his penis, and she really prefers having you in bed with her! Vibrators provide a much different sensation that will send those thousands of nerve endings into a wild frenzy. Just give it a try. You’ll love the way she’ll spin into a frenzy!

https://www.sexpert.com/i-tried-cbd-lube-this-happened/

Change Things Up

Think of fingering, licking or using a vibrator on her clit the same way you enjoy a hand job or a blow job. Change things up every once in a while. Circle your tongue around the clit. Tease the clit by lapping on the folds of her inner labia. Be spontaneous. If there’s something that she really likes, stick with it. If you pay attention to how she sways, shimmies, moans or tells you how she likes it, you’ll know that you’re the Master of the Clitoris!

When to go Full Throttle

Photo by Anastasiya Lobanovskaya from Pexels

If you have a woman who knows what she likes and is comfortable with letting her inner wild woman (Goddess 😉 out, believe me, she’ll tell you. She might tell you to rub harder, pull your head closer during oral, start taking God’s name in vain, or moaning and trashing around like a demented banshee. Any or all of these not-so-subtle cues are to let you know it is time to go full throttle baby!

The Clit and Penetration

There are some positions that are great for clitoral stimulation during penetration. Rear entry or doggy style is a great way to allow you or her to rub her clit.

Vibrating cock rings are a great hands-free way to stimulate her clit while your penis is penetrating her as far as it will go in. And, don’t forget about the Trigasm (clitoral, g spot and anal pleasure all in one)!

The Approach

Photo by juan mendez from Pexels

Don’t view playing with her clit as an obligatory chore as a means to an end, i.e. thrusting your dick inside of her. The more you pleasure her this way, the more likely she’s going to be when she’s ready for a good pounding. I promise you that she will be and penetration will be off the charts, even if she comes wildly while you’re playing with her clit. If she needs a breather after she comes through clit play, she can usually get it back up again through other ways often in minutes. An orgasm can actually energize a woman instead of making her feel like she’s done for.

By all means, don’t ask her if she’s ready for penetration. This is an automatic mood killer. If you don’t know, she’ll feel like you’re not paying attention to her or think that you’re just in this for yourself.

Most importantly, be patient. Some women get aroused immediately. Some women need as much as 20 minutes. Even the same woman may need varying amounts of time to be clit- and penetration-ready.

+++

This article originally appeared on A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind.

Ebony Idol: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Brick Cummings

By
Megan Hussey
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Whether on the football field or the set of an adult film, gorgeous new porn actor Brick Cummings is always devoted to delivering optimum performance. And while The Feminist Sexpert has yet to see Brick play football, she has seen his adult work and–Ladies–the gentleman ain’t lyin’!



Brick, in fact, had a dream of becoming a NFL player and played his favorite sport in college. Yet he had another dream, one that ultimately set the course of his life and career.

“I’m a good fucker,” he proclaimed, and very truthfully. “Not to brag, but I have a high sex drive and like to please in the bedroom.” (The Feminist Sexpert repeats: He ain’t bragging).

Eager to put his skills to work, this Florida native accepted the offer of a talent scout to commence his career as a porn performer; performing for sites like Desperate Amateurs and the popular (especially with The Feminist Sexpert) See Him Fuck–that scene performed with Latina beauty Camila Cortez.

“She was so energetic and professional,” he said. “I loved working with her.”



Brick impresses as a true gentleman who respects female talent; a trait that carries over to his on screen performances.

“I always want to make the lady I’m with feel comfortable,” he said. “I’m there to be helpful.”

Ensuring his partner’s comfort and pleasure is always part of Brick’s game plan, which also involves working out, eating right, and approaching every scene with a fresh, positive mindset; one that also emphasizes presenting positive portrayals of people of color.

“I’m very methodical when it comes to my performances,” he said.

And the method is working, given the fact that–mere weeks into his career–Brick is already booking scene after scene, and looks forward to a bright future as an adult actor and content creator. Look for him soon on The FlourishXXX, where he recently completed a scorching scene with Gianna Dior also featuring Isiah Maxwell, and subscribe to his Only Fans at https://onlyfans.com/brickkummings.

“This is the best job I’ve ever had,” he said. “I’m having a blast!”

And in enjoying porn and adult entertainment, Brick invites us ladies to share this experience of sublime sensual adventure.

“If you want it, go for it, without reservation,” he said. “You only live once.”

More Cummings soon!


The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Blush Erotica

By
Megan Hussey
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Video, Voiceover & Erotica

Imagine a porn scene in which the heroine is honored and respected, loved and pleasured, as we see her sensual adventure in beautifully conveyed high definition images–and with a rich narration that describes her pleasuring. This is an erotic story come to life. This is Blush Erotica.

Blush Erotica merges video, voiceover, and erotica at the new website, BlushErotica.com.

Blush Erotica has partnered with The Sinematographer to offer this new concept, which is conveyed in boy/girl, lesbian, threesomes, interracial, MILF, and more to come as the site develops. All stories are narrated from the female perspective, and are shot in an HD cinematic style. Moreover, the site features actresses of all body types and various ages.

The Feminist Sexpert is a proud writer for Blush Erotica, and would love to introduce more female porn fans to the Blush experience. Here are some fast facts about this fabulous studio.

Mission:

Blush Erotica makes adult content that empowers all women and shows them in their best light.

Company overview:

Blush Erotica is a new concept in adult content that merges video, voiceover, and erotica. More specifically, this new concept in porn provides a narrated voiceover that adds an additional layer of erotica to hardcore porn. As the company’s catalog grows so does BlushErotica.com featuring male/female, female/female, and solo scenes, behind-the-scenes footage, photography, and personal interviews with stars.

History:

We love all bodies and all ethnicities and don’t have a “type” when it comes to telling our story. We’ve been fortunate to work with many amazing people and look forward to working with many more. Established in 2019, Blush Erotica’s parent company is composed of passionate individuals who bring different talents to the table with a common goal: to make beautiful cinematic content.

Current Projects:

The team is in the middle of Exxxotica events. We love expo season because it gives us a chance to make new connections. We also produce a series of interviews with the stars. Blush Erotica is gearing up to release its first multi-scene series about four college friends who go away to a lake house together for a long weekend.

Blush Erotica has established channels on PornHub, ManyVids, and Clips4Sales in addition to its subscription site. The group is also releasing interviews with the talent on YouTube and plans to start a new TikTok channel featuring stars giving tips for dating.

Visit BlushErotica.com or check out its Twitter at @blush_erotica.

Sensation Play- Aural Pleasures

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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Photo by Juliana Stein from Pexels

The Sound Of Your Voice

If the sight of something can light a fire within us, than the sound of it has the power to warm our soul. In our musical catalog of senses, I classify hearing as the classical repertoire. There’s no denying the seductive power of sound. A whisper. A groan. A love song. Hearing your name followed by the words “I love you.” Sound is like an inner massage; cells in your body respond to vibrations and release energy.

Music, laughter and words have power to heal and arouse.

As the auditory cortex receives sound messages with the frontal and parietal lobes, the brain identifies these and defines the direction and distance of these sounds by merging information received from both ears. It’s a highly complicated exchange of information involving intricate instruments. The malleus, incus and stapes (otherwise known as the hammer, anvil and stirrup) are the smallest bones in the human body and are full size at birth. All three together could fit on a penny.

“Sound is the vocabulary of nature.” – Pierre Schaeffer

Using sound in healing has been gaining momentum in the medical industry. “I believe that sound can play a role in virtually any medical disorder, since it redresses imbalances on every level of physiologic functioning,” writes Dr. Mitchell Gaynor in his book The Healing
Power of Sound: Recovery from Life-Threatening Illness Using Sound, Voice and Music.

Furthermore, Dr. Gaynor sees sound beginning to play a large part in the trend of mindful medicine, where the whole person is treated, not just the part that is injured. Just as physical ailments can be caused by emotional distress, our bodies respond to positive emotions with better health, which can be brought about with sound-based therapy that shapes and shifts our mood.

For instance, if you’re sitting in a park on a quiet day, how is your mood affected by the sudden chirping of birds or children laughing nearby versus the explosive blare of a car alarm going off? Or consider the various sounds in your local gym. Compare the differences in music between an intense aerobics class and a meditative yoga class. Whether our conscious mind is aware of it or not, our bodies take cues, emotional and otherwise, from these auditory messages.

Speaking of music, this incredible art form is strongly associated with the brain’s reward system. According to Robert Zatorre, professor of neurology and neurosurgery at the Montreal Neurological Institute, this reward system is that part of the brain that gives value to things and lets us know if they are important for survival. Music also releases the pleasure chemical dopamine in the brain and imaging has revealed that this is similar to how the brain responds to food and sex. “I think there’s enough evidence to say that musical experience, musical exposure, musical training, all of those things change your brain,” says Dr. Charles Limb, of Johns Hopkins University. “It allows you to think in a way that you used to not think, and it also trains a lot of other cognitive facilities that have nothing to do with music.”

Given the healing and mood-enhancing powers of music, it can be an important element to bring into your love life. Bill Lamb is a music journalist who has been covering the world of pop music since 1999. He says that most of us can think of particular songs we associate with the love relationships of our lives. Many couples bond over a particular song, one that
they picked for their wedding dance, or one that was playing during a romantic or exciting
adventure. Take the time to revisit your favorite music as a couple and share the happy
memories it brings up.

Communicating Love

It’s important to pay attention to the sounds of your surroundings, especially as you work to build or rebuild your relationship. Reducing distractions can be hugely beneficial (which is easier said than done if you have kids in the house!). It’s also important to become aware of the tone and volume of your own speaking voice. Never underestimate the power of a kind whisper of affection to your partner. Admiration is one of the best compliments you can give someone you care about. It literally means a feeling of pleasure and approval. Telling your partner what a great job they’ve done or how much you respect and appreciate
decisions they’ve made boosts their self-esteem and opens them up to trusting you with important decisions and events. Your gift keeps on giving as your partner’s brain releases the neurochemical oxytocin which wires the brain to seek opportunities to trust and get more of that safe feeling.

NEURO-CISE: SOUND, DUO

“Our biological rhythms are the symphony of the cosmos, music embedded deep within us to which we dance, even when we can’t name the tune.” – Dr. Deepak Chopra

One of the most important language adjustments you can make is to use open-ended questions that invite a dialogue instead of a one-word answer. Specific questions can reveal how your partner is feeling. For example, instead of asking, “Weren’t you annoyed that
the service was so slow at the restaurant?” to which your partner could just say, “Yes,” re-phrase to ask, “What did you think about the restaurant, even though the service was so slow?” This will invite a full sentence answer where you can continue the conversation for as long as you want. Here are some more examples:

♥ What do you feel about…?
♥ What do you think about…?
♥ What do you like about…?
♥ What do you dislike about…?
♥ What do you want to do about…?
♥ What might happen if you…?
♥ What do you wish would happen if you…?

One couple I counseled had what they described as “relationship- threatening communication issues,” and it turned out that the woman rarely allowed her partner space to voice his opinion. Of course he could have offered it up freely, but given the prompts
for a “yes” or “no” answer, he always took the bait. Then she would become resentful that he didn’t engage in conversation. Simply by incorporating these open-ended questions, their communication issues dissipated.

Compliments are also a great way to show appreciation for your partner because everyone needs to be reminded of all the things that make them lovable. It makes them feel valued. Take some time to do a Love List of all the things you love about each other mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. Then take turns reading your list to each other. I use this exercise in my office and love to watch couples react to compliments they haven’t heard in years.

Talk Dirty To Me

Lovemaking creates its own form of communication, and one of the best ways to enhance the experience is through erotic talk. Talking Dirty talk is one of the most powerful forms of seduction, and it can make your love life more exciting, more creative, and more fun. It
offers a great starting point for other sexual behavior, and has several benefits all on its own:

♥ It helps escape reality
♥ It safely tests sexual boundaries
♥ It increases arousal
♥ It can intensify orgasm
♥ It’s fun and naughty

Erotic talk is a great escape from your daily routine, work issues, family problems and other life obstacles that bring you stress. Describe your wants and desires, and guess at theirs, utilizing all the senses you can. Imagine what turns you both on, whether it’s a sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch. Keep in mind that, in general, women enjoy implicit fantasies with lots of context and foreplay while men like visually-loaded scenes and explicit action. And remember it’s not always about using X-rated words and descriptions. Sometimes the hottest thing to say is a well-placed “yes” against your partner’s ear.

If you’re intimidated or embarrassed by erotic talk, especially if you’ve been a shy or silent lover in the past, a great way to begin testing the waters is to read erotic literature to your partner. That way you can get comfortable using naughty words and see what does and
doesn’t work for you both. It’s easier to begin with someone else’s words!

NEURO-CISE: SOUND, SOLO

No matter how good your opening line is, it’s not going to work if you don’t use the proper delivery. Here are some basic rules that will help you to connect with strangers.

♥ Be yourself and don’t try to impress by acting like someone else.
♥ Try to make him or her smile or even laugh to get their brain to release feel-good endorphins.
♥ Say his or her name once you find out what it is, as this will you an immediate advantage, since it grabs the person’s full attention.
♥ Use words of a sensory nature such as, “I hear that” or “I can only imagine it” and “I feel the same way.”

Make sure to use an appropriate line for the environment you are in. For example, a friendly approach like, “Hi my name is ______, How are you doing today?” can work anywhere from the supermarket to the carwash. A seductive approach, like “You are the sexiest person here tonight” can be effective at a bar or a nightclub, especially if romantic music is playing in the background. A humorous approach might work almost anywhere from a dog park to a bus stop, but not in a hospital where your target date may be visiting someone close to them who is very ill. If you have a dog, one of my favorite lines is “My dog would like to meet your dog, but she/he is very shy.”

Alternatively, I recommend giving an open-ended compliment such as, “That’s a nice bag, where did you get it?” which lets the person know they have a good sense of style and you can then keep the conversation going with positive feedback.

Remember to say something. Anything is better than nothing!

Start by commenting on the other person or the environment, and then sustain the conversation by asking questions and close by getting their phone number.

Turning it On!: Your Brain’s Pleasure Center

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
-
Photo by Johannes Plenio from Pexels

Your Sexy Brain: Triggers & Responses

The next time you have sex, pay attention to changes that take place and see if you can recognize these five distinct phases.

Phase 1 – Foreplay

The minute a man sees a sexy image or feels an intimate touch, his amygdala, which regulates his emotions, releases feel-good pleasure endorphins in his brain and triggers testosterone. These send messages to his body that he is getting turned on and make him feel sexually virile. His heart rate quickens and blood begins to move to the genitals.

“Sex is an affirmation of life. By making sex a prominent part of it—placing it on the top of our list of priorities—it helps us face daily challenges in other parts of our lives.” – Dr. Stanley Siegel

Most women need to be prepared for sex with some foreplay ranging between ten and forty-five minutes. Whispering her name in her ear and then kissing her triggers the release of dopamine from the nucleus accumbens that will flood her brain with feel-good
chemicals. Caressing her face, neck, shoulders, arms and other areas will increase her blood flow to her genitals and her entire body will become more sensitive. Her estrogen mixed with his testosterone increases their sexual desire.

Phase 2 – Excitement

Heavy-duty petting can take foreplay to a whole new level, especially when you know how it affects your mind and body. I like to call it “Love Play” as it is playful and can be a prelude to making love. It can consist of kissing, caressing, hugging and humping or stroking, all physical and psychological acts that lead to more sexual excitement.

Whether male sexual excitement is created by physical or mental stimulation, the result is the same. His blood flow is increased to his genitals and the penis begins to harden. Adrenaline actives the sympathetic nervous system, which increases his heart, pulse and
respiration rate too. The ventral tegmental area (VTA) actually releases the dopamine, making him feel like a king.

Female sexual excitement affects the entire body with the increase of her heart, pulse and respiration rate. During this cycle, her breasts swell and her nipples become erect. Also, her vagina becomes wet. Like a man’s penis, a woman’s clitoris also becomes erect, up to three times its normal size. Her brain areas associated with the chemicals dopamine and norepinephrine production light up as they make her feel intense pleasure and excitement.

Phase 3 – Plateau

Oral sex is one of the most highly erotic, loving, and satisfying sexual activities you can indulge in that can lead to the Plateau phase, if you are not yet ready for sexual intercourse. Like any other sexual act, it all starts between the ears, so if oral pleasure is what you want be sure to communicate that to your partner because they cannot read
your mind.

The head of his penis becomes engorged with blood and swells. For the uncircumcised man, the penis head pushes out of the hole in the foreskin. At the urethral opening, some men will secrete pre- ejaculatory fluid, more commonly known as “pre-come.” This fluid contains semen, so wear a condom to practice all the necessary safer-sex precautions to protect yourself and your partner from STDs and pregnancy. The chemical vasopressin, a male counterpart to oxytocin is released to increase bonding with his partner.

Her body temperature rises and changes, which may explain why the face and chest get red when having sex. This is often referred to as a “sex flush” and with the increased blood flow to the genitals the color of her inner vaginal lips become a deep red. Her clitoris retracts under the clitoral hood. Her uterus is pulling upward into the abdomen widening the vaginal space allowing the penis to fit comfortably. The pituitary gland releases beta-endorphins, which studies show can decrease physical pain, including headaches.

Phase 4 – Orgasm

Many women say their best orgasms happen while receiving oral sex or when they use their fingers or a vibrator on the clitoris during penetration. The secret to simultaneous orgasms is to sync up your mind and body with your partner before having intercourse.

Remember that an orgasm starts in the brain, so paying close attention to your partner’s erotic cues will help you both reach a highly aroused state at the same time and maybe even have simultaneous orgasms.

At the orgasmic point, male blood pressure is rising and muscle tension is building to a peak as he’s about to reach his orgasm. The testicles rise up close to his penis while his prostate gland is filled with fluid. The cerebellum controls muscle function as they contract
involuntarily. When his pelvic muscular contractions begin, there’s no going back, and the sperm shoots out of the urethral opening of his penis. His body movements during orgasm are totally unconscious according to brain scans.

In the female orgasm cycle, the uterus, anus, leg muscles, face and hands begin to involuntarily contract. Dr. Masters and Virginia Johnson referred to these muscle spasms as “myotonia” activated by the vaginal muscles. There are strong contractions in the vagina at 0.8 second intervals, the lungs are working at forty breaths per minute and heart beat can go as high as 180 beats per minute. While in the brain, a releasing agent called phenylethylamine (PEA), which is famous for being found in chocolate, makes her feel both physically and emotionally satisfied.

A woman’s brain shows less activity in the amygdala and hippocampus, which deal with fear and anxiety, so that she can relax and enjoy her orgasm. Her orgasm generally lasts
longer than his by at least 10 seconds and scientific imaging reveals that female orgasm fires in 80 regions of the brain!

During intercourse, increased amounts of adrenaline are released from the adrenal glands. This chemical amplifies the circulatory system with each heart contraction.

Phase 5 – Resolution

After orgasm, the body goes back to its normal pre-arousal state; muscles relax, the penis becomes soft and the testicles descend back down to their usual place. Heartbeat and breathing slows down and lots of men feel so relaxed that they just want to go to sleep.

After orgasm, men release a cocktail of chemicals including prolactin, a hormone that is linked to feelings of sexual satisfaction, hence the smile on his face. He also releases a burst of oxytocin causing him to feel sleepy.

Cooling down for women is defined by how long it takes to get her pulse rate back down to normal and for the rush of blood from her pelvis to subside. Blood pressure and pulse gradually return to pre-arousal levels. Swelling in the genitals and other areas decreases. The labia minora return to their normal color. The clitoris re-emerges from under the clitoral hood and returns to its normal size within about ten minutes. Muscles relax and organs and tissues resume their original positions.

It’s important for a woman to cuddle after sex as it releases oxytocin and makes her feel more intimate towards her partner. For men, the benefit of cuddling can lead to increased sexual satisfaction, so fall asleep if you must as long as it’s with your arms wrapped around each other.

Oh My, The Big O

For something so juicy, the formal definition of “orgasm” is quite dry. Webster’s Dictionary defines orgasm as “Intense or paroxysmal excitement; especially: an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female.” This basically means a sudden burst of energy, which allows your body to release tension. At the point of orgasm, or climax, a euphoric energy is released throughout the body and causes a strong tightening of most muscles in the body, which basically means … yes, please.

Orgasm Does All This!

♥ Orgasm enables us to surrender complete control.
♥ Orgasm is the best form of escape from reality.
♥ Orgasm is the most natural high.
♥ Orgasm is wired to our brain, not between our legs.
♥ Orgasm gives us indisputable confidence.
♥ Orgasm teaches us to accept who we are.
♥ Orgasm satisfies us physically.
♥ Orgasm satisfies us emotionally.
♥ Orgasm can be a spiritual experience.
♥ Orgasm can be addictive.
♥ Orgasm should not be hurried or pushed by anyone.
♥ Orgasm can unite two partners into one.

In both sexes, an area in the frontal lobes of the brain, called the lateral orbitofrontal cortex (OFC), shuts down during orgasm. This region is used for decision-making, obviously not a primary function when reaching an orgasm.

The Brain Produces All Kinds of Pleasure!

The brain’s pleasure center, made up of the amygdala, nucleus accumbens, ventral tegmental area, cerebellum and pituitary gland, is ignited during sexual activity. Also known as the reward circuit, this part of the brain processes all kinds of pleasures, including sex, laughter, and certain kinds of drug use. When this section of the
brain was scanned during sexual activity, scientists at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands discovered that there was little difference in the brain patterns of men and women during orgasm.

They also discovered something else: an orgasm makes you lose control. Researcher Janniko R. Georgiadis states, “It’s the seat of reason and behavioral control. But when you have an orgasm, you lose control” and Dr. Gert Holstege has been quoted as saying that
there is little difference between a brain during orgasm and a brain on heroin. “95% is the same.”

Sex is our second basic instinct after self-preservation because it leads to the continuation of our species. Not that you need any convincing that orgasms feel good, but did you know that they are also healthy? Several studies have hypothesized that hormones released during arousal and orgasm, specifically oxytocin and DHEA, an endogenous hormone that serves as precursor to male and female sex hormones, may also have protective effects against cancer and heart disease.

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