Book Review: Playing Without a Partner by Megan Stubbs

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May 23, 2021

Playing Without a Partner : A Single’s Guide to Sex, Dating and Happiness by Megan Stubbs, ED.D

Dr. Megan Stubbs, ED.D has crafted a holistic manual to single life that covers every aspect of actual LIVING – not just hookup culture and the pursuit of happiness through relationships – but also the act of learning to love one’s self. Her lighthearted, relatable approach and expertise in sex education allows her to articulate to everyone, singles and coupled people alike, how to get back in touch with YOUR happiness at the root. Stubbs provides an inclusive and thoughtful book if you feel stuck in a rut in your relationship with yourself!

Playing Without a Partner : A Single’s Guide to Sex, Dating and Happiness by Megan Stubbs

Publisher: Cleis Press (May 11, 2021)
Length: 250 pages
ISBN13: 9781627783040

Table of Contents

Introduction ix
Rethinking Single Life 1
Self Care 25
Self-Love-Masturbation and Fantasy 51
Body Mapping 75
Orgasm Basics 83
Positive Body Image 97
Dating-Want Long-Term, Have Short-Term Connections 121
Important Conversations about Health 147
Empowered Sex with Near Strangers 167
Tips for Great Sex 177
Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide 213
Conclusion 223
Acknowledgement 225

Rethinking Single Life

Single life can be seen as sad, however, as Stubbs explains, this is far from the reality. Most single people, whether searching for a partner or having chosen celibacy for any reason, live very fulfilling and rewarding lives filled with meaningful relationships, romance and more. The main difference being this occurs in a different “package” than what we’ve been generally sold as a “perfect” life.

Getting in touch with your true desires – romance, career, lifestyle goals – helps to achieve a happier life in singlehood or just be happier AS yourself. So much of life can be spent finding the perfect person, not finding out what makes us happiest. Why not spend time alone with yourself trying new things? Going to new places? Meeting lots of new people? Options are endless.

Self Care

Self care is so important in attracting a partner AND in improving feelings around self image and identity. If we have not learned to address our needs, how can we expect that of others? Stubbs provides helpful context within which we can reframe and prioritize self care so we can better care for ourselves and others. As a sex educator, body image specialist and relationship expert, she has invaluable background to provide a well rounded self care routine.

Self Love; Masturbatory and Fantasy, Body Mapping, Orgasm Basics

Self Love can be expressed in so many ways! Stubbs’ book expands on the topics of masturbation and fantasy, Body Mapping and Orgasm Basics over several chapters. One important thing to note is the importance of never faking orgasms with your partner in order to serve what you think are their needs first. Understanding our own pleasure will provide for better sexual experiences whether it be with regular partners or strangers. As Megan says often throughout the book, “Put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others,” to ensure your needs are met before you attempt to help others.

Positive Body Image, Tips for Great Sex, Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide

Dr Stubbs is also an expert in the field of Body Image and Body Positivity and as such offers an informative voice on how to achieve a more positive relationship with our body through sexual empowerment, masturbation and self care, but also in your day to day experiences outside of your sex life. Her sex tips are sound and the “Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide” is helpful for those little awkward moments we often don’t consider until we’re back on the dating scene, like if flatulence occurs and other funny situations.

Dating is all about being in the present with people you care for or hope to find a connection with – it shouldn’t be so stressful – but it can be easy to get nervous or retreat to your shell. With Dr. Stubbs’ book, you’ll find a positive, upbeat and humorous voice to guide you through this sometimes lonely and difficult path (alone) but together! There is no shortage of love out there, only fear that keeps us from finding it.

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Dr. Megan Stubbs is a sexologist, relationships expert, and body image specialist. With her degrees in biology and human sexuality, she is able to combine two of her favorite things, science and sex, into a cohesive platform to impact her audience. She is mindful of inclusion and brings a sensitivity to ethnic diversity rooted in her own complex heritage. She believes that sex should be fun and uses her lighthearted, intelligent, and humorous delivery to make it happen. She is the author of Playing Without a Partner : A Single’s Guide to Sex, Dating and Happiness.

Getting Kinky: Fantasies & Role-playing to Keep Sex Hot

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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October 7, 2021

pexels-angel-renee-2524953 — Photo by Angel Renee from Pexels

Embrace Your Erotic Fantasies

If you REALLY want to impress your lover… in a flirtatious way ask this simple question:
“Would you like to know my fantasies?” Who in their right mind is going to say NO?

We all know fantasies are essential to our daily lives and everyone has fantasies
whether they admit it or not. We fantasize about what we want to eat for dinner, where
we’re going to go on vacation, what kind of car we want to drive as well as what turn us on the most!

When couples role play together and act out each other’s fantasies, they gain a better
understanding of what the other wants, needs, desires and fears. Couples can improve
their communication, take their relationship to a higher level of intimacy and expand
their sexual horizons.

Role playing sexual fantasies is healthy, fun and natural for couples dating or for those
in a committed relationship of any orientation. Fantasies can rekindle passion, raise a
diminished libido, boost intimacy, are an exciting avenue of escape, heighten enjoyment
of sex, open you up to new activities and can turn sex into adult play.

Erotic Talk

Talking erotically can lead naturally to role playing. Fantasies are fun and will add a
dash of passion and zest to your lovemaking in the process.

Here are a few fantasies you and your lover may want to try out:

Master/Mistress and slave:

The “master” gives the “orders” and the “slave” does whatever the master orders (of course everything is talked about beforehand and is consensual). Keep in mind a creative master will have a much more accommodating slave; creating lots of enjoyment for the slave, makes for a well-loved master.

Call girl or boy:

The man is a john, the woman a call girl, showing up at the man’s hotel room for a trick. Or even more interesting, reverse the roles. The man is the high price gigolo, the woman a johnny. Play out your sexual fantasies.

Pin-Up Model:

How about taking sexy boudoir photos of your lover? It’s best to use a digital or instant camera for any explicit photos or they could end up on the bathroom wall at your local photo-processing lab. A great variation is the photographer/centerfold theme. If your lover has an artistic flair, then try reenacting the sketch scene in the movie, Titanic, preferably without the ship sinking.

Bodice Ripper:

Instead of throwing out old undies, let your lover tear them off you and adoringly ravage you as part of your lovemaking. If the material is too thick, cut them in strategic places so they tear off more easily.

Wrestle Mania:

Have you ever wanted to wrestle with your lover? A little gentle play-wrestling can heat up your lovemaking and get you into shape before a good night’s sleep. But, remember no dirty fighting below the belt.

Conclusion

Try out some fantasies with your lover to see which ones you like. Best case scenario, it is spice up your sex life and lead to greater intimacy!

Stop Settling for Mediocre Sex: 7 Tips for a Better Sex Life

By

Nikkita Grady

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April 7, 2022

7 tips for a better sex life

Are you tired of a subpar sex life? You and your partner have the same boring, unfulfilling, missionary sex most mornings before the kids wake up. OR perhaps you manage to squeeze in a quick session at bedtime. That’s all the sexual excitement you tend to experience these days because you’re both tired between juggling work, kids, extracurricular activities, and only God knows what else. And now you’re here because you want some REAL excitement in the bedroom, right? Well, you’re in the right place! I’ve come up with a few tips to help you improve sex and intimacy. Here are some pointers that will help you transform your mundane routine by adding a bit of spice and spontaneity, so now sex can be fun again!

These are 7 tips for a better sex life!

Use lube. There are many reasons why you should be using lube during sex (and it’s not because you don’t have a WAP). The truth is, regardless of how turned on your partner makes you, lube can be added to the equation to enhance the sexual experience. Lube makes sex more pleasurable by decreasing friction that causes pain and discomfort. It can also be a way to introduce new sensations during sex, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to change things up from time to time.
Communicate. Communication is essential for improvement in the bedroom. Communication allows you to create and establish boundaries. It also sets the tone for what to expect during those intimate moments. The foundation for great sex is excellent communication. The more you communicate, the better foreplay, sex, and everything after will become.
Schedule sex. If you’re too busy for sex, you’re too busy! Sometimes we get swamped, causing sex to be placed on the backburner, and that’s not good. Prioritize sex by adding it to your schedule. By putting sex on the calendar, you guarantee that sexy time will happen despite everything else going on.
Engage in foreplay. Foreplay is more than just an oral teaser before penetration. It’s actually any form of sexual (or non-sexual) activity that gets you in the mood before intercourse. Foreplay can begin hours before your sexual encounter and is a great way to enhance sex and improve intimacy in your relationship beyond the bedroom. It ensures that both partners are at their peak of arousal at the time of intercourse. And let me reiterate — it’s also great for improving intimacy in the relationship OUTSIDE of the bedroom.
Use sex toys. Using a vibrator (or any toy) during sex can boost bonding with your partner. Sex toys open the door for so much fun and exploration. There are many toys for various uses. There are some that you can use while your partner watches, your partner can use on you (and vice versa), and even some that you can use together during foreplay and penetrative sex. So choose a toy and have fun as you strengthen the connection with your lover.
Spontaneity! Over time sex can start to feel a little monotonous if it’s the same routine over and over and over again. Be spontaneous and start mixing things up. This keeps sex (and the relationship) fun and exciting! Believe it or not… you can also be spontaneous when you schedule sex! How? Choose a random date and time and let the rest happen spontaneously.
Enjoy the moment. Have fun and remove expectations of achieving an orgasm every time you have sex. Get lost in the moment so you can completely relax and let loose. Enjoy every sensation, every tingle, every tickle… how you’re being touched or caressed. Every kiss. Lick. Stroke. Bite. And pinch, etc… By shifting your focus, you’re able to enjoy maximized pleasure.

Your love life should be a great part of your life at the end of the day (or whenever you feel like having some amazing sex). It may not be completely mind-blowing every time you have sex, and that’s absolutely OK! Consider your sexcapades to be a journey of discovery and an opportunity to enhance the next encounter rather than a race to the finish line. The ultimate goal does not always have to be an orgasm. There is enough delight and excitement to be experienced with your partner without one. Remove sexual pressures and insecurities when it comes time to get busy, and you’ll have a lot more fun along your sexual adventure.

So, what’s holding you back? Go enjoy some orgasmic pleasure. Then repeat again… and again…

…and again!

To Ghost Or Not To Ghost: Should This Even Be A Question?

By

Ralph Greco

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December 30, 2021

pexels-cottonbro-3419722 — Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

If you are a past reader of this column, you will have learned that I make my daily bread scribbling my naughty little fictions, reviewing adult toys, blogging for porn sites, as much as I do ghostwriting for various clients. In this regard, I have penned books by dentists, insurance how-to’s, and quite a few memoirs, all anonymously, letting the person I interview for the book, and the person paying me to write it, stamp their name on the tome. It’s been fascinating work, has made me some great client/friends, and takes me far and away from having to write about the latest male masturbator making the market or ruminating over some latex outfit Cardi B happened to wear in her last video.

But as you can rightly assume from the word ‘ghost’ in ghostwriting, nobody knows I have written these books. In fact, I just landed a job at a very big adult business portal, maybe the biggest adult business portal, (a sure fact I am sure proud of) but most of the work I will write here will be anonymous too. I will be given no byline. Nobody but a select few will even know which pieces I write, unless I report on them… which I have been told I can do. But generally, once again I step forward in my career, and believe me, working for this place IS a big step forward, without my name attached to my work.

How does this make me feel?

Give me the work, I say. Maybe if I was younger (lots younger than I am now, I am very crusty and old) I’d care to make noise, rubber stamp my name and likeness across everything of mine that’s out there. Maybe I wouldn’t even take ghostwriting assignments, feeling that all I produce should have my name on it, at the very least. But I lead a quieter existence these days. You won’t much find my picture at too many places (yes, it is at the bottom of this column, but generally very few places) and I’d much rather fade into the background in what I do.

I think writers, generally, are of this mind set. Sure, we all like a pat on the back, some reading groupie coming up at a book signing, stripping down their pants and asking us to sign their thong (men and women both). But generally, scribbling for a living is a solitary endeavour. We do it because we like to be quiet, be by ourselves.

Plus, I am not so vain, well at least not so vain anymore, that I would let my ego get in the way of a job. Sure, I used to be all about the bluster, the ballyhoo, but this was in my younger days when what I produced, be it music or words, was not of such high quality as I produce now… if it is of any quality at all. I think I all but “blew my load,” being so brazen, shaking my ass on stage, literally, and wanting to be seen and heard as much as I was. Again, I was much younger. But youth, they say, is wasted on the young.

Believe me, the last thing you’d want to see is me in a pair of leather pants these days!

You have to come to your own comfort level with all of this. As much as the salary you will demand for your work as what else you want along with it. In fact (and this stays just between us, ok?) that new position I just acquired is not paying me anywhere near what I usually get for similar writing jobs. But I want ‘in’ with this company, I know the work will be fun and easy. And mostly, something steady, which this job seems to be, even a part time regular gig, is manna from heaven for a freelancer. That my name won’t go on the pieces is not a deal breaker in this instance.

So, to ghost or not to ghost?

This only becomes a question if you let it be.

How to Pick the Right Vibrator for You

By

Aubri Lancaster

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March 3, 2022

Your friend recommended a vibrator once. You bought it, but it did nothing for you and for the price you paid you felt like it was a huge waste of money that could have been better spent on a night out. Except you keep hearing people talk about their favorite vibes and you just wish you had one that you loved too. Unfortunately, the market is saturated with so many options they all blend together. Where do you even start??

Well, I can’t guarantee there won’t still be some trial and error, but here are some tips to help you better understand what you’re looking at.

How versatile do you want it to be?

There are toys for just about any body part you can imagine, so that’s an easy place to start your quest. Do you want it for solo play or partnered sex or both? Do you want it to stimulate the clitoris, penis, labia, perineum, vaginal walls, prostate, g-spot, testicles, nipples, or multiple spots at once? Some toys are simple and versatile like “bullet” vibes which can be handheld against most any sensitive spot and though most should be used externally only (not a trip to the hospital you want to take), if they have a smooth coating that covers the cord as well as the bullet then they may be fun for vaginal use too. Don’t insert anything anally unless it has a wide bumper, so you don’t lose it. Another example of versatility is the Pulse vibe for penises that can even be used while flaccid and for non-penetrative rubbing against a partner’s genitals. And while versatility is nice, sometimes the best toys are ones that are designed for a single job, and they do that job really well. The Womanizer (yes that’s the name and I wish they had come up with something else) does one thing – it uses pulsing air to create a sensation like intense sucking directly on the glans of the clitoris and after that toy hit the market all other brands scrambled to duplicate it.

High Frequency or Low Frequency?

People assume that power is just high and low and while that’s an important aspect to consider, so is frequency. High frequency vibes flutter fast and mostly provide surface stimulation. If you are very sensitive or like to take your time with a slowly building tease, especially for direct contact with the glans, then high frequency may be your friend. With high frequency, if you press harder, you actually get less stimulation because the vibration is absorbed by the tissues. High frequency vibes may also require less battery power and may only need tiny button batteries. Low frequency vibes give you more of a thudding deep tissue sensation and if you press harder with them, they may resonate through your whole body. The classic Hitachi wand is a great example of low frequency vibration. If you need a lot of stimulation to climax or want to climax multiple times, low frequency is the way to go.

Do you want patterns and pulsation?

While some toys are just power up and power down, others provide a variety of patterns and pulsation settings. When you are giving and taking away stimulation your body doesn’t know what to expect next and it can be fun and exciting to feel the thrill taken away again and again. If you like to make your play time last, patterns can keep the stimulation intense and if you feel your arousal dropping you can just switch to a new pattern and keep going. You may find your climax through the patterns, or when you’re ready to finish the job just flip it to solid vibration and ride it home.

What materials are right for you?

Lots of people pick the material of their toys based on their budget, but there are other important factors to consider. The best materials for sex toys are non-porous. This means they are easy to clean and are less likely to harbor bacteria. Glass and metal are excellent options, but don’t usually vibrate. Silicone is the preferred material for vibes but be careful! There are tons of knock-off brands that claim to be silicone, but I had a friend get a chemical burn from one of those and I promise you, that is NOT a place you want a chemical burn. Other toy materials may actually melt in high heat or direct sunlight or when touching other toys and that is not a fun surprise in your toy box come August. This is where name-brand toys are actually worth the money and buying from a reputable adult store or direct from the manufacturer will reduce your risks. True silicone is soft, opaque, non-porous, and has a melting point of over 700 degrees so it holds its shape and is the best option for any orifice. And don’t forget about texture! Some people enjoy ridges and bumps while others prefer smooth and slick.

Batteries or Rechargeable?

The biggest advantage of battery-operated toys is being able to quickly switch out the batteries if your toy dies on you mid coitus. Of course, this assumes you HAVE extra batteries on hand. If not, you find yourself pilfering your kid’s robot collection or borrowing from the remote control just to finish. Unfortunately, batteries can also leak battery acid and corrode the inside of your toy if you don’t take the batteries out between uses, especially if you use your toys infrequently. Rechargeable toys may require a little forethought to make sure they are fully charged and ready to go, but they usually last a long time, provide more consistent and reliable power, don’t cost anything extra in replacement batteries, and often use a USB charger so you can plug them into your portable backup phone charger rather than leaving them out on your nightstand.

Waterproof for water fun!

Sometimes the only privacy you get is in the shower or bath. In these cases, a waterproof toy is the way to go. If you find a toy that’s fully submersible, then you can lay back in that bath and take your time. Other toys may be fine for the shower or for easy cleaning in the sink but aren’t designed to go underwater. Be sure you know which one you’ve got. Either way if you have kids or roommates and you don’t want to explain the vibe you left sitting next to the shampoo bottle, hang your toy bag on the inside doorknob or block the door with your toy box so you don’t forget to grab your vibe before you walk out.

I hope these tips will help you in your erotic adventures and be sure to pair your vibe with a quality water-based lubricant and try out an enhancement cream or two to make the arousal process easier and the orgasms more intense. Happy shopping!

6 Tips Boost Your Confidence This Summer

By

Nikkita Grady

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July 13, 2022

calvin-lupiya-Mx4auh5zO4w-unsplash (1) — Photo by Calvin Lupiya

You’ve spent all winter (and spring) saying you were going to get back in the gym to ensure you could show off your body all summer… yet here we are… a few days into Summer, and the only workout you’ve done was 15 reps of lifting that spoonful of ice cream to your mouth.

It’s ok! Don’t be so hard on yourself. Life has changed drastically for all of us over the past couple of years.

We were thrown into a world of social isolation, remote working, and future uncertainty resulting from the unexpected pandemic caused by COVID. For the past two years, you’ve binged on snacks and unhealthy eating habits that pulled you further and further away from #bodygoals. You were adamant that you would get it together “soon” because you have so many cute outfits and swimsuits you haven’t been able to wear, and you HAVE to show them off this year. And with more people getting vaccinated daily, we knew the world would open up again by summertime. Now that time has come, you’ve got your vacation getaways all lined up, and you and your friends are ready to catch flights and not feelings all hot girl summer… BUT… now you’re feeling a little conscious about your body, and you’re trying to figure out how to lose weight and whip your body into shape like yesterday, right?

You aren’t alone.

Body confidence may be difficult to achieve, regardless of size. It’s so simple to compare ourselves to others while becoming progressively dissatisfied with the portions of our bodies we despise the most. Of course, this lowers our self-esteem even further and might influence our closest relationships while also ruining vacation mood.

Stop sweating yourself! You do NOT have to be a “Negative Nancy” or “Bitter Betty,” I’ve got you covered.

Here are 6 tips boost your confidence this summer:

1) Get to know, love, and appreciate your body. Avoiding the mirror and trying not to glance down in the shower will just make the situation worse down the line. Instead, spend some time looking in the mirror at your naked self. Really take a good, long look at your body. Take your time exploring and admiring every curve and crevice in the mirror.

Every day, mention something good about a part of your body. Begin by verbally emphasizing what you love and appreciate. When you get to the sections you don’t like, try to think of anything positive about them. If you can’t think of anything, you’ll need to figure out why you dislike that area so much and make a note of it so you can start acting to change your thoughts on those parts.

This will begin to alter the way your mind perceives your body. Remember that you are your own worst critic, and things aren’t always as bad as they appear to you.

2) Dress the part. You will gain confidence by putting effort into your appearance. When you’re happy, it shows in the way you carry yourself. Wear lingerie or clothing that makes you feel sexy. Not sure how to find something sexy you’re confident wearing? Trying to focus on pieces that flatter your figure or highlight the parts that you do love.

3) Get up and get moving. Health is wealth. What are you doing for your health? Exercising for as little as 30 minutes a day builds endurance, improves stamina, and — you guessed it, can improve your mood, energy, make you feel lighter. If you have gym anxiety, you can dance around the house, walk through your neighborhood, play outdoors with the kids, or indoors with your partner (wink). Overall, you will not only feel better, but you will also begin to feel more confident.

4) Celebrate more than your physical self. It’s difficult to remove yourself from judgment in a society when looking like an IG model and being shaped like a coke bottle appears to be the new standard, and photo likes on social media are how popularity is calculated.

This is why we should also focus on the non-physical aspects of ourselves. Are you artistic or crafty? Do you know how to yodel? Are you excellent with money? What about style? Maybe you’re incredibly hilarious. Whatever you are or can achieve, remember that you are more than a physical body, and your value extends far beyond a scale (or that skimpy 2-piece bikini you’ve been holding on to as motivation). Whether we realize it or not, these factors have a significant impact on our level of confidence.

5) Talk to your friends. It’s easy to believe that we’re the only ones who are unhappy with our bodies. However, you’d be amazed how many of your friends struggle with body image issues as well. You would also be surprised at where their insecurities lie, especially if it’s something you believed they were fully confident about.

Connecting with your friends on such intimate topics can strengthen your relationship with them, and just talking about these matters can help boost your confidence.

6) Stop comparing yourself to others. When we look at others, we often compare their best traits to our worst. We focus on their accomplishments while overlooking our own, leaving us feeling inferior. This is an unrealistic comparison that might exacerbate your anxieties and lack of self-confidence.

When you start comparing yourself to others, you take away your joy and confidence. Because of human nature, I realize this is easier said than done. Don’t be concerned with how others appear or what they own. Instead, concentrate on your self-worth and strive to improve yourself every day. Don’t hold yourself to the standards of others; rather, set your own. Be true to yourself. Accept yourself for who you are.

There is no such thing as a “perfect” summer body. In reality, the notion of a summer body was created as a way for advertising companies to sell weight-loss products, cosmetic surgeries, fashion and beauty items. Rise beyond the desire for self-criticism and accept yourself as the amazing person that you are.

Lana’s Legacy: The Feminist Sexpert remembers Lana Clarkson

By

Megan Hussey

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November 7, 2022

Lana Clarkson shone like a star in the heavens, her strength, talent, beauty and charm igniting and glorifying every role she played. An actress. A singer. A Stuntwoman. She did it all.

Sadly, when one looks up Lana’s name on the Internet, they see only the end of her story. She was murdered by a horrid individual who just happened to be famous. He is meaningless and unimportant. His name will not be mentioned anywhere in this column. But again, sadly, Lana’s mother recently told the LA Times that she fears her daughter’s memory will be forever linked to he who is unimportant and shall not be named.

Well, Donna Clarkson, worry no more. We love Lana. And we got your back.

Aside from my writing about feminist erotica, I’ve also written extensively about softcore, B and indie movies, for sites that include the fantastic Fangirltastic, Planet Fury and Cinema de Bizarre. If I could cite a common link among actresses who appear in adult productions, and those who appear in “B” movies, it’s the lack of respect that they sometimes receive from the general public.

Yes, “B” movies are frequently R-rated and contain nudity and sexual situations. Yet as a good number of these films feature female lead characters, they also feature some of the strongest characterizations of women on a mission that one will ever see.

This is certainly the case with Barbarian Queen, in which Lana Clarkson shines in the title role as a warrior woman who took no crap or prisoners–protecting her people and liberating them from oppressive forces; and in the film’s sequel, Barbarian Queen II: The Empress Strikes Back. And in Deathstalker, she played another warrior woman who stands toe to toe with a male warrior.

Although some may consider these films to be exploitation flicks, the fact is that Barbarian Queen predated Xena, the wrestling Divas,Thelma and Louise, and the modern incarnation of Captain Marvel–indeed, Lana paved the way!

In addition, much has been made of the fact that she appeared in the classic teen sex comedy Fast Times at Ridgemont High–less has been made of her appearances on truly classic films, ranging from Scarface to My Favorite Year. On TV, she appeared in The Love Boat, Three’s Company, Hotel and The Jeffersons. She showed off her comic chops in the classic cult comedy Amazon Women on the Moon, and her versatility as a stuntwoman in Retroactive and a vocalist as a soundtrack artist on the Knight Rider television series.

After her death, Lana Clarkson has been made a victim across mass media. For most of her life, Lana Clarkson’s talents were overshadowed by her status as a sex symbol–a status that, according to B movie expert Joe Bob Briggs, she often decried. But in life and death, she is a wonder, a marvel, a queen–and Donna Clarkson’s little girl.

As Joe Bob wrote in his UPI tribute to Lana Clarkson, “She’s a heroine, and not because she was the Barbarian Queen.”

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Why Women Choose Masturbation Over Sex: Is it More Fun

By

Valeriam Vincent

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May 10, 2023

Whether there is a partner or not, sometimes lying in bed desire like a flood swept you will masturbate? The advantages of masturbation and general sex are different and bring different good feelings, so what are the benefits of masturbation than having sex?

The threshold is very low

Boyfriend? No need, Contraceptive measures? No need, complicated position changes? No need. You don’t even need to care how another person is feeling before and after you do it to embrace the most comfortable time of sexual bliss. Masturbation requires very little preparation, as long as a bed, a few comfortable pillows, and sometimes sex toys are also very good options. If you have not used the gadgets, then I recommend you try the rose adult toy, definitely give you a wonderful masturbation.

Just need to please yourself

The trouble with sex is that it is also considered a kind of human interaction, you need to take into account the feelings of another person. In order not to let each other sad, you may have to tell a little lie, pretend to scream or perform a little orgasm, the end of the whole round with a stage play as tired.

But masturbation is different, you only need to please yourself is enough, when to start and when to end, the pace can also be controlled. You don’t have to worry about the little embarrassment at the end of the day, you don’t have to worry about being turned down for sex, and you don’t have to go through all the trouble of dressing up beforehand.

Yes, some people are so unlucky to run into one or two unqualified bed partners, infected with STDs and still have sex with you. Although sometimes the other party is also quite innocent, may be inadvertently in the dirty public toilet infected, but in the end is the two people together bad luck. When masturbating, you don’t have to worry about the risk of contracting a disease! Unless you do not clean the prop, it is basically quite safe and hygienic.

You know your own body best

Yes, you are your own master, you know how to make yourself climax, where the sensitive zones are located, do not need to bother to guide another person to reacquaint yourself with your body.

Because fantasy is always much better than reality

You know, when masturbating, you can put any object you like in your head, but when sleeping with someone else, it’s embarrassing if you can’t help but call them by the wrong name! If you have a good sex life with your significant other, of course, it’s good, but if it’s not that enjoyable, it’s better to have a little fantasy on your own than to flunk the sex.

If you haven’t tried to enjoy masturbation, you haven’t enjoyed the best part of your life! Anyway, it’s great to be able to make your beloved partner feel happy through sex, but also to pamper yourself at the right time, after all, like masturbation is so simple and low cost to enjoy the act of orgasm, everyone should try it! If you have a need for sex toys can go officialtherosetoy to buy.

Healing From Loss & Abuse: Loving Solutions to Live Your Life to the Fullest for Victims of Grief, Trauma, Assault & Sexual Harassment

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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November 5, 2023

Photo from:eOdg3sjaRBerCbWOL8YB_shutterstock_1173129871.jpg

In her book: Healing From Loss & Abuse: Loving Solutions to Live Your Life to the Fullest for Victims of Grief, Trauma, Assault & Sexual Harassment, Dr. Ava Cadell, details her own survival from sexual abuse, rape, and sexual trafficking, as well as her work with clients and offers powerful exercises and tools for survivors.

This book is absolutely comprehensive and has detailed information on several types of abuse, loss and trauma set into separate chapters including:

Healing from Loss
Healing from Pain
Healing from Disease or Disability
Healing from Accidents
Healing from Sexual Dysfunction
Healing from Toxic Relationships
Healing from Addictions
Healing from Sexual Abuse

Each chapter talks about the type of trauma in detail and offers various solutions for dealing with these issues including healing exercises, talk therapy, journaling, mediation, breathing exercises, tantra, chakra meditations, sound therapy and much, much more.

Here is a break down of the chapters and what is included.

Healing From Grief

In this chapter Dr. Ava describes her experience after loosing her soul mate and ways to deal with grief and loss.

Some of the exercises that Dr. Ava recommends includes: Breathing exercises, meditation, journaling exercises, ways to cope with grief, as well as ways to support others who are grieving and more.

Healing From Pain

Dr. Ava has also suffered from chronic pain and goes into detail on how to deal with pain, including sex and intimacy for pain relief.

“Everyone experiences pain, and each individual deals with managing it in their own way. Pain is an obstacle to intimacy because it can feel isolating, but ironically sometimes intimacy and sex can help to heal pain by creating positive feelings that translate into the mind-body connection. Looking at pain from a different prospective is one of life’s challenges that can make you stronger.”

Some of the solutions that Dr. Ava offers includes: water therapy, humor therapy, animal therapy, hug therapy, yoga and other movement exercises, as well as intimate and loving touch, and sex.

Sex for Pain Relief: The body’s pain-killing center in the midbrain is activated during sex and peak arousal, which releases endorphins, oxytocin and corticosteroids. These numb the raw nerve endings responsible for pain.

Healing from Disease or Disability

In this section of the book, Dr. Ava exposes the myths surrounding sexuality and people with disabilities, and describes 7 keys on how to have intimacy after a serious illness or surgery. She also provides specific strategies for recreating intimacy after sex and heart disease, sex and a stroke, sex and cancer (including prostate cancer), after hysterectomies, diabetes, impotence, multiple sclerosis, HIV and AIDS.

Healing from Accidents

In this chapter, Dr. Ava includes spinal cord injuries and how sex is still possible, pleasurable and fulfilling. She also includes advice for those who suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Healing from Sexual Disfunction

This part of the book deals with sexual disfunctions, a widespread topic that many men and women suffer from. It includes a variety of symptoms which can be healed including painful intercourse, delayed and premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction. Here, she offers many techniques including Tantra as well as exercises to aid with ED.

Healing from Toxic Relationships

Everyone has had to deal with some sort of toxic relationship in their life. In this chapter, Dr. Ava describes different types of abuse and toxic relationships including dealing with narcissists and psychopaths, as well as how to know you are in this type of relationship and what you can do to protect yourself. She also gives advice on how to heal from divorce, a very common experience for many people these days.

Healing from Addictions

Many people suffer from addictions, including alcohol and drug abuse which are common problems, especially when people are trying to self-medicate due to trauma, abuse, tragedy or illness. In this section Dr. Ava provides many solutions and exercises for healing and recovery.

Healing from Past Sexual Abuse

This chapter is very close to Dr. Ava’s heart, as she details her own personal survival and recovery from rape and sex trafficking as a child. Inspired by the #MeToo movement, this section helps survivors deal with their trauma and release their pain through strategies and exercises, including a valuable exercise on how to confront someone who is sexually harassing you.

The book concludes with pages and links to resources and references for further information, a valuable resource in its own right.

This book is outstanding, and I highly recommend it to anyone who has suffered loss, grief, or any type of trauma, or if you know someone who has (which is everyone), as a practical guide to healing and recovery. This compassionate and comprehensive guide, is chalk full of 218 pages of useful healing and self-love strategies, revealing how trauma can open our hearts to connection, love and living a happy life again.

While this book is a must-have for survivors of trauma, it should also be required reading for grief counselors, therapists, social workers, sex educators, medical professionals and support groups.

A true gift!

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Laura Holt: In Honor of an Empowering Classic TV Heroine

By

Megan Hussey

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March 5, 2024

Laura Holt: In Honor of an Empowering–and Itchy–Classic TV Heroine

For the grand occasion of this, Women’s History Month, the Feminist Sexpert honors one of the first fictional heroines who gave women across the country full permission to feel capable. Intelligent. Empowered. And itchy.

Known primarily today as ‘that one TV series that Pierce Brosnan did before he played James Bond,’ the 1980s TV series Remington Steele holds equal cultural significance as one of the first mainstream network shows to present female viewers with a brilliant, powerful career woman heroine who had brains, grit–and hormones.

Laura Holt, portrayed by the fantastic Stephanie Zimbalist, was a private detective who, despite training thoroughly for her craft and showing amazing logic and intuition in the solving of various cases (not to mention a mean right hook, when the situation calls for it), is unable to draw clients to her newly opened agency. Why? Well, basically and essentially, because she has a vagina. That’s right; Laura finds that few people wish to enlist the services of a female private detective–so she puts her creativity to work and conjures the identity of a fictional male supervisor–a gentleman known as Remington Steele.

The plan works well until a gorgeous, mysterious Englishman (played by Pierce Brosnan, one of my first and longest running crushes) mysteriously appears in Laura’s life–a handsome stranger with an unknown past, who falls into Laura’s life and soon becomes the very fetching face of the Remington Steele agency. She does the work, he takes the bows–but it is always acknowledged that Laura is the brains and savvy behind the operation. And as she and Remington work side by side, the two fall in love.

Now granted, Laura Holt was far from the first powerful, capable unmarried career woman to serve as the heroine of a hit TV show. That honor would be shared by Ann Marie in That Girl (Marlo Thomas), Mary Richards in The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Julia, the title character of the Diahann Carroll TV show that depicted the life of a nurse, and Lucy in The Lucy Show. And of course, we’d already seen our fair share of kickass action heroines on the small screen, including Emma Peel in The Avengers, Pepper in Police Woman, Wonder Woman, The Bionic Woman and Charlie’s Angels. Yet, while they were emboldened to express their moxy, intellect and skills, none of these ladies seemed to have much of a sex life, or to want one.

Ah, but our gal Laura wants–and, in her own classy, reserved way, she expresses her desires for the charming, stunning gent who endlessly tempts and intrigues her.

In episode two of season one of Remington Steele (not that The Feminist Sexpert kept track), the heavenly Remington makes his first blatant attempt to seduce Laura–suggesting that they allow their passions to explode into something more fulfilling. After Laura clarifies that Steele does indeed want to ‘jump in the sack’ (love that Laura), she affirms that she would love to–but that, in an attempt to remain professional and maintain total control over their situation, she will refrain. Later she admits to Bernice Foxe, her secretary and sisterfriend, that she feels ‘itchy’ for Steele.

Um, wut? Did a woman on ’80s TV who was not Alexis Carrington just admit to being horny for some hot hunk? Holy Sexual Liberation, Batman!

Remington Steele is widely regarded among the first “Will they or won’t they?” shows, in which viewers are left to wonder as to whether the program’s central couple will surrender to their bond of strong sexual tension and head for the bedroom. And while Remington and Laura do refrain from hitting the sheets until they marry at the series end (sheesh, how did Laura hold out for five seasons?!) they enjoy many passionate kisses, romantic dances, and delicious seductive dialogue that kept female viewers in particular thirsty for more.

How thirsty? Well, I recently came across a Remington Steele fan board dating back to 2007, in which one lass claimed that she was so aroused by one particular episode of Steele that she tossed her TV to the ground and humped it merrily. We’ll just hope she was joking. In addition, several film scholars wrote essays about the impact of Steele on the expression of female sexuality on television (including Female Sexuality on TV: Suppression, Declension, and Remington Steele by Angus Johnston).

To this day, Stephanie Zimbalist has said in various interviews that she is often approached by women who credit Laura Holt among their first and primary role models–and I definitely count myself among those women. What they might silently add is, “You and Pierce Brosnan taught me that is OK to be itchy.”

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