Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults
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Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.
Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.
Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.
Explore sexpert articles from our top sex educators.
Wednesday, July 21, 2021 From 12:00 PM to 1:00 PM Pacific Time
Sponsored by:
A Sexpert Panel hosted by Loveology University® and sponsored by Momentum
Our Panelists Are:
Dr. Ava Cadell, Nichole Grossman, Kim Varner, Coyote Amrich, Dr. Drai Burch
Meet our Moderator and Panelists
MODERATOR: Tamara Bell, Founder of HPPPA, Student Mentor at LoveUniv.com
Tamara Bell who was one of the first Loveology University graduates in 2008, now she’s the Student Ambassador & Mentor, ready to help coach you to a successful career! Tamara is also a master networker and an industry leader helping grow positive businesses. She founded The Home Pleasure Party Plan Association (HPPPA) in January 2005 to establish a network between pleasure party company owners, distributors and manufacturers. Tamara said, “Our goal is to be one voice to our distributors and manufacturers and continue to be viewed as a strong entity in this growing industry.” Now a Certified Loveologist & Love Coach working with couples, singles and business owners in developing positive relationship enhancement techniques. Tamara is loved and admired by all who work with her. Learn more about Tamara at ladytcoaching.com
Dr. Ava Cadell, Clinical Sexologist, Author & Founder of LoveUniv.com
Dr. Ava is a Clinical Sexologist and AASECT Certified Sex Counselor, author of eleven books and global speaker (who has travelled to four continents giving lectures on love, romance, relationships, intimacy and sexuality). Dr. Ava is the founder of Loveology University® providing online training to certify Love Coaches, Relationship Coaches and Master Sexperts through a multimedia platform, with emphasis on loving & healing yourself, physically & emotionally, while accepting others’ sexual practices without moral judgement, through comprehensive distance learning.
Dr Drai Burch, OB/GYN and founder of Momentum
Dr. Drai is a highly respected, board-certified OB/GYN, a nationally recognized author, speaker, consultant, and go-to media expert on women’s health and transgender health issues. He is the founder and chief medical advisor of DrDrai.com, where he discusses actionable ideas and real-world strategies to help women take control of their health. His mission is “Real medical advice, simplified.” His on-point advice on off-the-wall questions about sexual health issues has many calling him a “sexpert.” He is the founder of Momentum Intimacy, a company that provides high-quality personal lubrication and condoms. His product lines are designed to promote safety, health, and pleasure for both partners. Transitioning from academic medicine to boutique medicine, Dr. Drai is also the owner of Amare Concierge, the new standard of healthcare for women. Born and raised in Southern Mississippi, Dr. Drai earned his undergraduate degree in Chemistry from Xavier University of Louisiana, his Doctorate of Osteopathic Medicine degree from The Ohio University, and completed his internship and residency at Michigan State University. Find Dr. Drai at http://www.freethemoment.com/ and http://www.drdrai.com/
Nichole Grossman (CalExotics)
Nichole started her career in marketing in 2006. She has held various positions in sales and marketing focusing on such areas as email marketing, public relations, social media and sales.
In February of 2011 Nichole joined the team at CalExotics and JOPEN as Social Media Coordinator. Over the years Nichole has worked in various areas of the marketing department, including roles as Marketing Manager and Assistant Director of Marketing. Today, Nichole serves as the Director of Marketing for CalExotics and JOPEN.
She holds a degree in Business Administration with an emphasis in Marketing and an M.B.A in Marketing, Leadership, and Management from the University of La Verne. http://www.calexotics.com/
Kim Varner
Kim Varner, M.A., CLC, ACS Certified Sexologist Kim Varner has been in the home party sector of the adult industry for 17 years. She is the owner of Kymbra’s Closet, a successful home party plan company, as well as Kymbra’s Girl Stag (S service mark) a bachelorette party company. Kim is also an award-winning corporate trainer and sexual instruction author. She is the creator and licensee of the Fun with Fellatio: A Hands On Guide To Giving Good Head Workshop. Kim is also published in Dr. Ava Cadell’s The Sexy Little Book Of Sex Games. She has written many pieces for industry magazines and the Home Party Review Magazine, the only magazine for the home pleasure party plan professional. Kim is a long time member and the Member Services Manager for the Home Pleasure Party Plan Association (HPPPA) where she is responsible for developing member training, curating product knowledge experiences and day to day management. Kim is a 2011 graduate of Loveology University and recently became an ACS Certified Sexologist. https://www.facebook.com/kymbrasclosetparties
Coyote Amrich (Good Vibrations)
For over 15 years, Coyote Amrich has been at the helm of product development and purchasing for Good Vibrations. She is regarded as a thought leader and cultural architect within the adult industry, influencing design and production with manufacturers whose collaborations help shape the industry. Coyote’s curation for Good Vibrations, Babeland, and Camouflage helps maintain their status as trusted retailers of body-safe materials and inclusive designs that continually challenge the industry to be relevant. Her reputation as a product educator, advocate for sustainability, and transparency in manufacturing is a reason her advice is sought after and valued by an industry of her peers. Outside of work, Coyote enjoys baking, traveling, playing cards, and watching the same movies over and over again with her family and beloved fur-babies. Visit http://www.goodvibrations.com/ and http://www.babeland.com/
The labia majora is part of the female genitalia that is often overlooked and underrated when it comes to foreplay and masturbation. And I’m sure there are lots of people out there who don’t know much about it.
What is the Labia Majora?
The labia majora is the proper term for the outer flaps of skin and tissue that cover the female genitalia. Their appearance differs from woman to woman. They can appear slim, thin, pillow-y, lippy, loose or meaty. They’re very rarely symmetrical.
What is normal? There is no normal. Take a look at the photos of The Great Wall of Vagina exhibit. Of the 400 plaster casts of women’s vulvas, you’ll see that they each differ dramatically.
Great-Wall-of-Vagina-Exhibit-Panel-6 by Jamie McCartney
The labia majora can be uniform in skin tone as the rest of the skin on the body or pinkish or dark brown or bluish. These variations are all normal and darker colors can appear after childbirth.
The anatomical role of the labia majora is to protect the vagina. The labia majora contains thousands of nerve endings under the skin that become more sensitive during sexual arousal. Tiny blood vessels under the surface of the skin also make the tissue swell during sexual arousal. In some women, the swelling may cause the slit to open slightly.
Pubic hair, or the absence of it, affects the sensitivity of the labia majora during sex. The skin on cleanly shaven or waxed labia majora is very delicate, soft and very sensitive to touch. However, public hair also serves a protective purpose. While it may decrease sexual sensitivity, pubic hair serves as a protectant from friction from a man’s pubic hair from all the thrusting and rubbing that goes on during intercourse.
Do note that shaving and waxing can present risks of ingrown hairs and skin infections that can get wildly out of control in such a warm, moist and covered place. Shaving, waxing and trimming should always be a woman’s personal choice and preference.
How to Pleasure Your Labia Majora
Sex Tip: Start your masturbation and foreplay with some major labia majora love. Cup it with a warm hand or run your fingers very slowly up and down the length of the lips. Use a warming lube or super slippery silicone lube to tantalize those tingly nerve endings. The longer you or your partner tease those fleshy bits of skin and tissue, the more intense the orgasms.
Also, stroke the lips with the head of a small vibrator at a low speed or a vibrator with a soft vibration. This can have a very calming effect. Masturbation doesn’t always have to lead to an animalistic orgasmic experience. This technique can be a great way to clear your mind from stress or even help you fall asleep or have a better night’s sleep … or it can be a extended prelude to bigger and bolder things to come.
Previously Published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/major-love-for-the-labia-majora/
Breath is the essence of life and there is no better way to energize the body than to increase your intake of oxygen. Breathing in through the mouth produces an energy charge and breathing out of the mouth releases emotions. That’s why when a person cries, they have to breathe through their mouth.
Nostril breathing holds in the energy charge and it enhances sexual control. In the following interactive breath exercises, you will learn how to control your breath and how to synchronize it with your lover so that you can make lovemaking last longer. You will find that you can connect on a deeper level of consciousness and experience harmonious bonding through breath. Breathing together is an essential element to experiencing
Tantric bliss.
When you are sexually excited, your breathing increases naturally. Consequently, you have less control over your orgasm. Many people want lovemaking to last longer. Several methods have been devised to assist you in prolonging the pleasures and intimacy of sex. The following exercises will help move your sexual energy throughout your body; not just localize it in the genitals.
Tantric Breath
Breath Exercises with Your Lover
*While these exercises are written in He/She pronouns and Man/Woman genders, any couple can do these techniques together regardless of sexual orientation and gender to include GLBTQ+ couples and non-binary individuals. Regardless of gender, we all have both masculine and feminine energies (Yin/Yang) that are more prominent at different times.
Synchronized Breath: Face each other. Hold hands, breathe in and out through the mouth at the same time for 2 minutes.
Alternate Breathing: Face each other. Hold hands and breathe in through your nose and exhale through the mouth in slow motion for 2 minutes.
Kissing Breath: Hold each other, eyes closed, and share the same breath through deep kissing for 2 minutes.
Erogenous Breath: Blow your cool breath with lips pursed around and onto your lover’s nipples for 2 minutes.
Hot Breath: Choose one of your lover’s Chakras and blow your hot breath through your open mouth for 2 minutes as you caress your lover.
Hum Breath: Face each other and hum every time you breath out for 2 minutes.
Toe Breath: Exhale your cool breath in between your lover’s toes. All of them.
Auditory Breath: Suck on your lover’s ear lobes and breathe gently in his/her ears.
Spine Breath: Ask your lover to lie down on his/her stomach and blow your cool breath up your lover’s spine all the way to his/her neck and back down over the buttocks. Nudity required.
Neck Breath: Blow cool and hot breath (mouth pursed and open) on and around your lover’s neck; front and back.
Yin Yang Breath: Alternate Breathing. Face your lover in Yab Yum position. Decide who will be Yin (receiver) and who will be Yang (giver) to start. Yin should breathe in through the nose, as Yang exhales through the mouth for 2 minutes. Then switch roles for 2 more minutes. Maintain eye contact as you do this.
Hot and Cold Breath: Choose one of your lover’s Chakras and blow your cool breath from your mouth through pursed lips on to it, then your warm breath (through an open mouth) with your lips apart. Alternate your hot and cool breath on your lover for 2 minutes.
Control Breath: Face each other, kneeling or sitting with legs over each other, whichever is most comfortable for you both. Now simultaneously take a deep breath filling up and expanding your bellies. Hold that breath for 5 seconds, then exhale from the throat releasing a gentle sighing sound. Do this for 2 minutes and maintain eye-contact with each other.
Synchronized Breathing: Face your lover; kneeling or sitting with legs over each other, which ever is most comfortable for you both. Breathe in at the same time, then breathe out together in slow motion for 2 minutes. Maintain eye-contact as you do this.
Nostril Breathing: Face your lover. The woman should breathe through her right nostril (for one minute) while blocking the left nostril. The man should breathe through his left nostril while blocking the right one for 1 minute, then alternate for the 2nd minute.
Charging Breath: Get into Yab Yum position. Inhale and exhale through your nose using the pumping action of your abdominal muscles to force the exhalation. The emphasis should be on the exhalation. Breathe in through the nostrils and release your breath through your nostrils and pump your abdominal muscles at the same time. Do this for 2 minutes.
Hearing Breath: Get into Yab Yum position, and breathe gently, sighing behind your lover’s earlobes for 2 minutes in unison. Be careful not to use excess sound around the ears because they can be highly sensitive.
Cannon Breath: Sit back to back with Chakras aligned and say, “As we do this breath, I honor you.” Then inhale one long deep breath (through the nose and exhale through the mouth) as if it were shooting out of cannon for 2 minutes. If either of you become lightheaded during this exercise, communicate to your lover that you need to stop. This is a good alternative to arguing.
Lingam Yoni Breath: For this intimate breath, the woman needs to get into a traditional ‘Woman On Top’ sexual Maithuna/intercourse position. She is the Yang (masculine) force so she is the initiator. Now both man and woman should start breathing in and out together. Fill up your bellies as you inhale and collapse your bellies as you exhale. This can be done during intercourse or without penetration. The choice is yours.
Heart Beat: Put your arms around your lover and rest one of your ears on his/her heart Chakra. Listen to the soothing sound of the heart beat and the sound of your lover’s breath for 2 minutes. Tell your lover what you heard and how it made you feel.
Neck Massage: Massage your lover’s neck with your hands and follow each stroke with your breath. Do this for 2 minutes.
Yoni Lingam Breath: Get into the traditional sixty-nine position. The woman should blow her cool breath around the Lingam, Jewels, perineum (testicles and the landing strip between from testicles to anus) while the man blows his warm breath around her Yoni, (not inside the Yoni) around the Rosebud/anus and up and down the perineum. Do this for 2 minutes minimum.
Abdominal Breathing
Abdominal breathing exercises can help relax the pelvic region and prolong the level of sexual excitement in masturbation and lovemaking. The purpose of this exercise is to develop awareness of your body while practicing relaxed breathing. By experiencing specific body movements coordinated with deep breathing you will learn how to continue deep breathing while engaged in sexual activity.
1. Commence abdominal breathing by lying on the floor or a bed with arms at your side and legs uncrossed.
2. Close your eyes and begin breathing slowly. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth.
3. Place one hand gently on your lower abdomen and focus on the movement of your stomach as you breathe. The goal is to develop comfortable and relaxed breathing in the pelvic region.
4. Continue abdominal breathing and as you inhale, turn your right foot out to the side. As you exhale, turn your right foot back up so the toes point up toward the ceiling. Do this six times and then switch to the left foot.
5. Repeat the above exercise sequence again, first with the right foot then with the left. Watch and help each other to do the abdominal breathing.
Pelvic Breathing
The purpose of pelvic breathing is to help coordinate pelvic movement with breathing during lovemaking. Remember, the power of breath controls both the male and female orgasms.
1. Lie on your back, on the floor or bed, with your arms at your sides and your legs uncrossed.
2. Breathe slowly, using abdominal breathing for a few minutes to establish your rhythm.
3. As you inhale, press your buttocks toward the floor and fill your abdomen with air.
4. As you exhale, imagine that your pubic bone is being drawn towards the ceiling by a magnet.
5. Your pelvis will slowly tilt up as you exhale.
6. Repeat this at least ten times. It is important to have the pelvis tilt backward on the inhalation and tilt forward on the exhalation.
7. Do the same exercise kneeling with your hands flat on the floor in front of you. Watch and help each other to do the pelvic breathing.
Make A Commitment
Make a commitment to take long deep breaths while you are doing every day activities, such as driving, watching TV, reading reports, taking a bath and so on. When you are stressed out, inhale 4 breaths then exhale 4 breaths (‘Stress Breath’). When you are upset, inhale one long deep breath and then exhale it with force as if it were shooting out of a canon (‘Canon Breath’). When you are angry, inhale 4 breaths and then stick your
tongue out as you exhale with force (‘Dragon Breath’). It will make you laugh and you’ll forget what you were angry about. When you make love, slow down your normal breathing pattern because the faster the breath flows, the faster the orgasm.
The love button, rosebud, the bean … the clitoris is proof that women are sexual creatures. Its sole purpose is for sexual pleasure.
Clits are Bigger Than You Think
A woman’s clit is much bigger than what we actually see and feel. It’s made up of many different parts — the clitoral head, the hood, the clitoral shaft, the urethral sponge, erectile tissue, glands, vestibular bulbs and the crura (or the clitoral legs). What we see is about ¼ of the clitoris, if that much.
Way More Nerve Endings Than a Penis
In some ways, the tip of the clitoris is a lot like the tip of a penis, only much smaller and packed with a lot more nerve endings – about 8,000. That’s twice as many as there are in the glans of a penis, and more than the fingertips, lips or tongue. Only a small part of the clitoris peeks outside of the body. Its powerful sensations can spread across a woman’s pelvic area by affecting 15,000 other nerve endings. The rest of the clitoris is inside the body.
Different Clits for Different Folks
Not all clits look alike and some can be hard to find. Some are small as a grain of rice while others are big as a lima bean stick out like a small penis when they’re aroused. (Talk about flicking the bean!) Each little love bud is as unique as the woman attached to it.
Clits Get Erections Too
Like penises, clits get hard and erect during arousal. Some are very shy and rarely peek out of the hood, and others are big show-offs. Some disappear into the hood once they’re aroused, and others pop out when a woman is turned on. Some increase in size when aroused, and others hide under the hood.
Clits Keep Getting Bigger
The clitoris actually grows during a woman’s lifetime. No, it doesn’t get stretched out from too much sexy fun. The growth occurs as a result of hormonal changes in the body. When a girl’s puberty begins, the clitoris will start increasing in size. By the time puberty ends, the clitoris will be about 1.8 times larger. By the time a woman is 32 years old, the clitoris will be almost four times as big as it was at the onset of puberty. After menopause, the clitoris will be about seven times larger than it was at birth. Don’t freak out – this is still a very small area, so the change in size won’t be very noticeable. It might help to explain why older women often report having really hot sex. Once it’s mature, the clitoris remains at the peak of its power for the rest of a woman’s life. A woman has the same orgasmic capacity (and many swear increasing pleasure) at 95 years old as she did as a teenager.
Because not all clits are alike, don’t be afraid to masturbate or take time to understand your partner’s clit. Here are some great ways to find, explore and just plain fun ways to have a hell of a good time.
How to Turn on Your/Her Clit
Sex tips: Because the clitoris is so extremely sensitive to touch, diving in and honing in on the clitoris at the get-go might not be the best plan of attack for some women. Caress the areas on either side of her clitoris, including her labia, before gently making the first contact. A lot of women may find direct pressure uncomfortable, so try aiming just below or just above the clitoris and make small circular movements.
• Aside from rubbing the clit, use two fingers in a “V” shape and slide them down either side of the clit with fingertips towards the vagina, then slide towards and away. This moves the clitoral hood to and fro which gets her going in the same way as easing a man’s penis foreskin back and forth to turn him on.
• If you’re looking to move past the basic flick and swirl of the tongue during oral sex, try creating a bit of suction by taking her clitoris into your mouth with some gentle sucking or pulling away when she’s close to orgasm. Then gently blow on it to heighten her sensation and prolong the pleasure. A warming or cooling lube (like one with peppermint, a natural cooling and tingling ingredient) are fun ways to tease and tantalize the clit.
• Because the clitoris is so extremely sensitive to touch, diving in and honing in on the clitoris to start with might not be the best plan of attack for some women. Stroke her thighs on your way and caress the areas on either side of her clitoris, including her labia, before gently making the first contact. A lot of women may find direct pressure uncomfortable, so try aiming just below or just above her clitoris and making small circular movements.
• Before penetration, have your woman lay on her back with her legs clamped together tightly and slide your penis between her legs right where they meet with her pelvis. Moving back and forth in this position lets your penis rub between her labia and, more importantly, directly over her clitoris. Having her straddled on top and rubbing the penis up and down works well, too. Not only do these tricks feel great for both of you, but it’s sure to heighten collective arousal and result in possible orgasms for both of you.
• The clit doesn’t have to be ignored during penetration. Good intercourse positions for climaxing with clit stimulation are woman on top (she can reach down), rear entry (he or she can reach down), or for a man to put his weight on her in the missionary position and move up and down so his pubic bone is giving friction to her clit. Having a man on his knees and a woman on her back with her legs up in the air or straddling on his shoulders (a love sling is a great way to make this position easy and comfortable) is way awesome, too.
• Guys, while you’re going deep down into your woman, use a vibrating cock ring. The little bullet vibrator that rubs against her clit while you’re pressing the front of your pelvis against her is as fun for you as it is for her.
• There are lots of other great sex toys that are designed for clit play, too. There’s a reason why rabbit vibrators are some of the most popular sex toys for two-for-one fun. Some vibrators are made just for the clit. For those who like to mix and merge their pleasure with pain, there are also clit clamps.
• For extra sensation, try using a clitoral pump to increase blood flow and increase skin tension. Note that whatever the adverts and product descriptions claim, like the equivalent for his penis, such pumps won’t increase clit size permanently.
Keep in mind that some women may not like clitoral stimulation because it’s too intense or distracting. I know this might disappoint some people, but I’ve heard some women say having their clitoris toyed and played with feels like they’re being tickled. There’s no fun in that. If that’s the case, move on to some other sensually sensitive parts of the female genitalia like the G-spot or the labia minora. The clitoris isn’t the only ride in the amusement park of a woman’s genitalia.
And did you know …
• Upon conception, all babies have the exact same genital tissue. At about 12 weeks, each baby’s genitalia begin to differentiate into a penis or labia. So, in a sense, the clitoris and penis are the same materials put together in a different way. The clitoris even swells when it’s aroused.
• Clitorises have mood swings, too. What’s too much on Monday may feel just right on Wednesday. It’s a matter of experimenting — on yourself or your partner — until you find what works.
Previously Published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/the-clitastic-clitoris/
Let’s face it. You write smut, stuff where people, puppies or even big globs of electrically infused jelly-like masses are doing nasty things to other electrically infused jelly-like masses. Do you truly think there is an audience ‘out there’ waiting for your scribbling, let alone enough of an audience out there that some publisher will come along and agree to put out a book of your very odd, extremely niche content?
You’re not even that well-known of a writer. In fact, nobody knows you at all.
Come on, kiddo, believe what I say… nobody wants your book.
The above scenario describes me back in 2009 or so. I was writing only part-time then. Still, I was making some headway with my scribbling, specifically my naughty scribbling, and had managed, with a good friend I was partners with, to get to an industry convention of creators/owners/and web workers in the adult industry. My partner and I had come to learn, network, and ply our wares to site owners with the web copywriting/marketing we did. And at this convention, I met a wonderful lady who was the owner of the preeminent eBook house publishing erotica. She (Jean Marie Stine of Renaissance eBooks) would be the first publisher to publish me in book form and would remain my go-to house/publisher and very dear friend to this day.
I wasn’t well-known, I was a newbie in the business, and I wrote smut. Go figure… I found somebody to publish me. Yeah, forget my opener here, I was just trying to get your attention.
Then, as now, there are places out there to get your erotic book published. I’d dare say there are more eBook publishers available for this than print, but don’t get discouraged; this is true for all genres of writing. But print, that’s another story.
When I walked into my local Barnes and Nobles (and don’t even get me started on how those stores presently carry the stench of going-out-of-business among their shelves loaded now with fewer books and more games, calendars, and Funko figurines) and I saw that rows upon rows of Howard Stern’s last book, Howard Comes Again, were on sale post the holidays, for a whopping 30% off (in addition to my member discount) I took a pause.
Consider though, if my local store was any indication, and a bunch o’hardcovers by a well-known media-star, a book that charted on the best-seller’s list when it was published and earned a bunch of publicity, would very soon going to have to be boxed-up and returned, publishers have to be skittish indeed to sign somebody’s book.
Sure, the industry was shocked into submission (no, not the bend-you-over-my-lap-give-you-ten-high-hard-swats-across-your-ripe-bare-firm-booty kind of submission) over Fifty Shades of Grey. But the E.L. James series began as a web-based publication and was pretty much an anomaly.
The fact of the matter is, most erotica writers I know being published presently publish through eBook publishers, some audiobook, some print-on-demand, and some a combination of all of the above (I take the combination route). It’s just more economical for smaller houses and niche publishers to publish digitally. It’s even more economical for houses of all writing genres to publish electronically, but major, even smaller press do produce print copies of books; they are still out there; you see them all the time. And while I am thrilled to see, hold, smell, read a printed copy, a good amount of what you come across in your local store or at that airport candy store is going to be returned to the publisher or placed in the discount rack.
Then there is self-publishing, certainly a legitimate way to get your book out among the masses, and that which I will tell you about in part two of this two-part column. Sorry, I had to start somewhere and figured I’d just suck you in with the above.
I bought my first leather jacket when I was 14 years old, and wore it everywhere. It made me feel good, powerful, confident, at an age were in reality I was shy and awkward.
Marisa Miller for Harley Davidson
Leather fashion stared with the biker gangs, and has since been incorporated by many different subcultures and mainstream ones too. From the gay scene as early as the 40s and 50s, where many were inspired by Marlon Brando’s character in The Wild One, to the rock and metal music scene, and now more than ever, by the mainstream fashion industry too. Today celebrities grace magazine covers and appear in music videos dressed in what would have once been seen as fetish attire.
The gay scene is where leather as fashion first took a turn into the world of sex and kink. As early as the 40s wearing certain leather items could indicate a sexual preference or an interest in BDSM, even just the term leather could indicate an interest in kinky sex. The community catered for this fashion with leather fetish nightclubs and parties becoming increasingly popular in the 70s all over the world. The leather look signifying the ultimate feeling and expression of masculine sexual liberation and an alternative way of life.
Image by Igor Link from Pixabay
Traditionally it has always been the more dominant roles that wore the leather, a female Dominatrices nearly always portrayed head to toe in leather or latex. And in the world of BDSM these roles may still be in place a lot of the time, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that a straight guy with a leather fetish wants to be dominated or that people who love wearing leather should be stereotyped as being into certain things.
Leather fashion started with the bikers, and to this day they still wear it for practical and fashionable reasons. It’s no coincidence that the origin of the term Heavy Metal came from the biker anthem Born to be Wild inextricably linking bikers to heavy metal and therefore heavy metal to leather.
Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay
Goth and alternative fashion is also influenced heavily by the leather and biker style, but also BDSM in general, taking it one step further with more overtly sexual accessories, such as leather chokers, chains, and straps, a fashion style that definitely crosses over into the world of kink.
Why do I like wearing leather?
It’s hard to say. I like how it feels on my skin, being laced tightly into a leather corset feels a little like I’m being bound. It clenches in my waist and pushes up my breasts, it’s sexual. I like how it makes me look, it gives me confidence. Wearing leather high heels, a leather jacket and pants, I’ll walk with my head held high feeling sexy and knowing I look good. I’ve never been an extroverted person, but I feel I can express my true personality through my style.
I enjoy it in the bedroom too, leather whips, riding crops, paddles, chokers, lingerie. It sets the right tone for what I’m into, bondage and kink.
For me is it a fetish?
I’m not sure…
Dita Von Teese
For someone with a fetish seeing someone dressed in leather may ignite a feeling, whether it just be excitement, appreciation, or a strong sexual desire. For me I guess maybe I want to be the one being looked at and thought about in that way.
However, does the sound of a leather whip on flesh, or leather belt being unbuckled turn me on? Yes, so maybe there is a sort of fetish there.
With the fashion industry bringing leather more and more into the daily lives of everyone, and faux leather options making it more accessible and affordable for all, there are multiple reasons why someone might enjoy it. And although when worn as fashion it’s not necessarily classed as a fetish, it’s a look that remains dark, mysterious, and undeniably sexual.
dita von teese
Some may feel those that wear leather are hinting at their sexuality, maybe they are more likely to be open minded, or experimental, not afraid to show their raw character or desires.
Gone are the days of having to buy DVDs or top shelf magazines to get a glimpse into the world of kink, for most its now as easy as following a hashtag on your phone. With social media making it easier than ever for different fashions and fetishes to be shared and seen by many it’s a look that may become more and more normalized, however it’s always kept its sexy and powerful image, and always will.
While not everyone owns or uses a vibrator, enough people are using them to make up the bulk of the international $15 billion a year sex toy industry. To put that in perspective, bras are a $16 billion a year worldwide industry, so don’t give me that fake innocent “Who, me?” look.
I came upon a fascinating article in StorErotica, a trade magazine for sex toy retailers, about who uses vibrators and why, I just had to share the bounty of facts and statistics that sexologist, sex educator and relationship expert Dr. Yvonne Fulbright. There are more numbers that say about 1 in 2 adults – both men and women – use them.
A little Vibrator History
Back when Alfred Kinsey and Shere Hite released their groundbreaking studies on sexuality in 1953 and 1976 respectively, vibrator use was rare and were only used by 1% of the population. Today, two recent studies published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine say that 52.2% of women between the ages of 18 and 60 and 45% of men in the same age group use vibrators.
Who are the Women who Use Vibrators?
According to researchers at Indiana University, women who use vibrators tend to be white, non-Hispanic and married. Women with some college education make up 35% of female vibrator users.
Women who have earned a bachelor’s degree of higher account for make up for almost 30% of female vibrator users. Twenty-five percent of single women use vibrators.
Do Straight Men Use Vibrators?
Researchers at IU found that 44% straight men have used a vibrator with 22.3% of them having used one within the past month.
Ninety-three percent of men who use vibrators have used them in sex play with a female partner with 82% of them during sexual intercourse. Heterosexual men that use vibrators are more likely to be 30-44 years old and work full time.
Gays & Bi Guys & Vibes
In a 2009 study involving nearly 25,300 gay and bisexual men, researchers found that about half of them have used a vibrator.
Gay and bisexual men that have reported using a vibrator were more likely to be white, well-educated and in a relationship at the time they took part in the study.
The likelihood of vibrator use among gay and bi men increased with age.
Why do People Use Vibrators?
Both men and women buy vibrators for themselves for fun, curiosity, to spice up their sex lives, to make it easier to have an orgasm, or to please a partner.
Lesbians are more likely to use a vibrator in hopes that their partner will have an orgasm more readily.
Almost 60% of male vibrator users purchase vibrators for their partners.
Thirteen percent of male vibrator users purchase vibrators for themselves. – The Magic Wand Original isn’t just for the ladies. A lot of men I’ve talked with love it for themselves, too.
When and how do People Use Vibrators?
Just over 46% of women have used a vibrator during solo masturbation with one-fifth of them having done so in the previous month.
More than 37% of women have used a vibrator during intercourse. Forty-one percent of women use lube with a vibrator.
Lubricants should always be used with vibrators to avoid injuring skin and tissue. Water-based lubricants that’s good for your skin and easy to use and clean off your vibrator. Plus, water-based lubes are a must for silicone vibrators.
According to a 2004 study by the Berman Center, more than 40% of people have used a vibrator during foreplay or sex play.
The same study found that 84% percent of women use a vibrator to simulate the clitoris and 64% use it inside the vagina.
Research on gay and bisexual men has found that 42.8% of them use a vibrator during masturbation while 33% of straight men have done the same.
Almost one-third of gay and bisexual men have used a vibrator have used a vibrator during sex play or foreplay and 29.6% of them have used it during intercourse. Whether solo or with a partner, vibrators were usually used anally.
Vibrators Are Good for You!
Men who have used a vibrator recently have scored higher on erectile function measures like intercourse satisfaction, orgasmic functioning and sexual desire.
Women who have used vibrators recently tend to have more positive sexual functioning like arousal, natural lubrication, orgasm, and pain.
As you see, there’s no such thing as one vibrator that serves all the ways to have fun with your sex play. This is why you definitely want to get a toy box for your bedroom.
Previously Published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/uses-vibrators/
A sexy kiss can be one of the most erotic exchanges between lovers. A kiss is often the first intimate physical contact with a new lover and some people believe they can tell a lot about a person’s lovemaking skills by the way they kiss. Some people can reach orgasm through kissing alone.
Not wanting to be kissed by your lover is a signal of trouble in the relationship. Making kissing a daily ritual will embolden and re-ignite passion in your relationship and keep the juices flowing. There are many different kinds of kisses: slow, quick, deep, wet, hard, soft, breathy, and then there is Tantric kissing. Kiss your lover at least twice a day and experiment with the different kinds of kisses from below.
Tantric Kissing Techniques
Eye brow kissing: Face your lover in Yab Yum position, either ‘Woman On Top’ or man on top, moisten each other’s eyebrows and then lean into each other with brows touching. Touch lips and feel the energy flow from one to the other uniting the two of you into a higher level of consciousness.
Yin Yang kissing: Take turns kissing each other tenderly and then deeply, alternate back to tender and back to deep for 2 minutes. This will create the weaving of the Yin and Yang energy that you and your lover can both experience simultaneously.
Synchronized kissing: Embrace in your favorite lovemaking position with Lingam and Yoni touching, but not inserted. With your lips slightly open and touching, inhale together gently and exhale together, sharing and synchronizing the same breath.
Orgasmic kissing: In a loving face-to-face Maithuna/intercourse position with Lingam inserted into Yoni, lock lips, eye-gaze and take turns inhaling and exhaling alternately. Share the deep level of intimacy and feel your lover’s sexual breath enter your body and spirit.
More Tantric Kissing Tips
1. Build sexual anticipation by kissing all around your lover’s face with soft, baby kisses and use your hands to caress the face, hair or body.
2. Use your nose to nuzzle and your lips to caress to your lover.
3. Tease your lover by tracing the outline of your his or her lips with the tip of your tongue.
4. Now put your heart and body into a slow kiss alternating the pressure from gentle to deep with mouth slightly open.
5. Take your lover’s bottom lip between yours and suck gently. Vocalize some sounds of pleasure.
6. Take turns licking your lover’s upper and lower teeth with your tongue. Then alternate.
7. Wrap your lips around your lover’s tongue and suck passionately alternating your speed from slow to quick.
8. Explore the inside of your lover’s mouth with your tongue by running it in small and large circles. Alternate.
9. Dart your tongue in and out of your lover’s mouth rapidly and then slowly. Remember to use your entire body and make all those wonderful sounds of love.
10. Use hot or cold liquids to create new kissing sensibilities.
Gushing. Squirting. Female ejaculation. Whatever you call it, I’m baffled by why there’s so little information there is about it, and the information I have found ranges from doubtful to misinformed (see Wikipedia) to downright crazy (it’s ancient?).
Personally, I’ve only gushed a relative handful of times, and only with my current lover.
This past weekend, it happened three times in the same session. All we could think was, “Wow!”
Having gushed like that and only having gushed with him, I didn’t know anyone I could ask besides him how common it is. He said it’s only happened with two other women, and that one of them could do it on demand. (I really didn’t want to hear that exact detail, but I did ask.)
Female Ejaculation – How Does It Happen?
Image by InspiredImages from Pixabay
I wish I could say how and why it happens to me. I really can’t. I can’t will it to happen emotionally or physically like I can when I orgasm. I can’t feel a specific buildup like I do when I come, although it does come at times of extremely intense arousal and when my lover is making contact with my G-spot with his fingers or his cock. A gush of hot, watery, clear fluid just blasts out of me and thoroughly drenches him, me and the sheets. I’m not talking about a tiny spot; I’m talking about both of us having to sleep on a pretty large section of the bed that’s soaked well through the sheets and the mattress pad. After it happens, by no means am I mentally or physically drained after I gush.
The Female Ejaculation Whisperer?
I came across one video by a man who purported to be able to teach men how to make their women gush. I’d say he has the technique down, but as a gusher, I can’t say it’s a surefire way. It doesn’t always happen according to his directions, even when our lovemaking is scorching-the-sheets hot.
Female Ejaculation Studies
Image by Comfreak from Pixabay
What blows my mind most is that physicians and other scientists know little about female ejaculation. According to Dr. Laura Berman, “Since 2000, an increasing number of researchers have suggested the liquid may come from the Skene’s glands, which are located on the anterior wall of the vagina around the lower end of the urethra. But the truth is we simply don’t know where ejaculate comes from …”
Excuse me … “We simply don’t know where ejaculate comes from”??? Hell, it sounds as if the medical community isn’t even sure if Skene’s glands exist. The lack of findings and credible explanations I have come across is simply mind-blowing … almost as mind-blowing as gushing three times in less than a half hour … almost as mind-blowing as how I could gush that much and that often yet not gush for months, if not years at a time.
What kind of answer could I expect from my gynecologist? In this day and age, is the female anatomy still that much of a mystery?
At the same time, having gushed the way I did was quite an extraordinary experience for both of us … as was the all the fun that led up to it.
While no orgasm is better than another, Tantric orgasms tend to be more expansive and last longer, while regular orgasms have a peak, then a quick release.
What Are Tantric Orgasms?
Tantric Orgasms are orgasmic states of bliss that can last much longer than one simple climax. The Tantra sexual experience is a leisurely, meditative, expanded pleasure practice, where the goal is not orgasm specifically (although that’s a bonus) but the sensual journey itself. During Tantric pleasure one focuses on the sensations of the body, and moving sexual energy throughout the body to experience states of spiritual enlightenment, transformation, intimacy, connection and healing (including premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and anorgasmia). It is less about performance and more about pleasure, as well as deep intimate connection.
This could be connection and intimacy with oneself, with a partner, with the divine, or with the universal creation energy itself. In a Tantric orgasm state, the duration of each orgasm is expanded, and one can experience multiple orgasms in a row, like waves. For vulva owners, this can include the release of ejaculate, but in penis owners, the goal is to orgasm without ejaculation.
What is a Regular Orgasm?
Most of us are very familiar with a regular orgasm, as it is the most typical type of orgasm most of us experience. In a regular orgasm, pleasure is focused in the genital area (the penis or clitoris) and ends with a quick, intensely pleasurable climax consisting of 8-10 contractions in the pelvic muscle, about 1 second apart.
“Orgasm typically – but not always – results from rhythmic stimulation of body parts with high concentrations of sensory receptors (Komisaruk & Whipple, 2011)… Although orgasm-producing activities are usually focused on the genitals, orgasm is sometimes achieved by stimulating other body parts, and sometimes even through thought alone.”[i]—Study: What is orgasm? A model of sexual trance and climax via rhythmic entrainment, by Adam Safron, MSc. Journal of Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, Volume 6, 2016 – Issue 1.
Stages of Regular & Tantric Orgasms
Masters and Johnson, the famous sex researchers from the 60s, described 4 stages of orgasm. These include:
Excitement
Plateau
Orgasm
Resolution
Here’s a diagram to illustrate the phases of classical single orgasm (regular orgasm) and multiple or prolonged orgasm (Tantric orgasms).
As you can see, in “regular” orgasms the arousal or excitement phase gradually increases over time with stimulation, climbs to a plateau and then climax. Immediately after orgasm, arousal declines rapidly, especially in penis owners.
1. Excitement Phase
During the excitement phase vulva owners have increased vaginal lubrication and penis owners get a boner.
2. Plateau Phase
During the plateau phase, vaginas become engorged with blood, and some penises may leak pre-cum, a clear, viscous fluid. People also experience an increase in heart rate and respiration.
3. Orgasm Phase
Here we reach the point of no return, typically an 8-10 second climax.
4. Resolution Phase
In resolution phase, the body relaxes and experiences a drop in blood pressure, breathing slows and most people feel like rolling over and going to sleep or cuddling.
So, regular orgasm is rather like climbing a mountain where you enjoy the peak for a short time, then come crashing down the other side.
Full-Body Extended Tantric Orgasms
It is commonly believed that only vulva owners can experience full-body, extended orgasms. But, penis owners can as well, if they learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation, which are two distinct processes, even though it feels like one.
With NEO (non-ejaculatory orgasms) the orgasm is circulated throughout the body instead of ejaculating through the penis. There is no refractory time in between orgasms. In this way, men or penis owners can become multi-orgasmic. Vulva owners can experience ejaculation during multiple and extended orgasms as the refractory phase is much shorter and they are able to hold arousal longer.
Full-body extended orgasms are not necessarily one long orgasm, although some may feel this way, but a series of peaks with quick pause in between, as pictured in the image (Multiple and Prolonged Orgasm).
How to Experience Tantric Orgasms
Photo by Dima Valkov from Pexels
If you want to experience Tantric orgasms via masturbation, remember that this type of practice (and, yes, it is a practice and takes practice) is not a sprint to the finish line, but rather a series of techniques that take time to explore at a leisurely pace.
Focus on the Breath:
When you focus on the breath during sex or masturbation it allows you to slow down or speed up the various phases of orgasm. Quick “fire” breathing stimulates and can cause arousal to heighten more quickly, whereas, slowing the breath can prolong arousal, leading to longer orgasms. For penis owners this means you can prolong arousal without ejaculation, which is great if you experience premature ejaculation. For women who may have a hard time reaching orgasm, a quick “fire” breath can help build arousal to orgasm.
Pumping the Hips & Kegels:
As you self-pleasure, rock your hips as you lay on your back, squeezing your PC muscle (kegels) and releasing in a regular rhythm. Continue to focus on the breath with each squeeze as well. This will build sexual energy and help circulate it throughout the body.
Pleasure Touch:
Don’t only focus on the genitals during this practice. As you stimulate the clitoris, also, do vulva massage and g-spot massage to stimulate different areas. Include breast massage and touching yourself all over with feather-light touch. This goes for penis owners as well. Massage the balls, the perineum, ass cheeks, and other sensitive areas of the skin.
Visualize the Energy:
Visualize the sexual energy rising from the genitals and moving up the front of the body going through the chakras, then coming back down the back (spine) of the body in a microcosmic orbit. This also helps to circulate the sexual energy for a more expanded pleasure and orgasm.
Teasing and Edging:
With edging you tease your body with pleasure until just before orgasm, then back off (pause or stop) reducing stimulation while taking long deep breaths. Once you have allowed your arousal to lessen a bit, you can touch yourself in other areas for about 30 seconds to a minute, then build the stimulation and arousal back up again, using the techniques above. Then pause, and reduce stimulation once again, then resume more intense stimulation. Continue this for as long as you can stand, over and over. When you finally go over the edge, you will experience a much more powerful and extended orgasm. Penis owners may experience their erections softening, then hardening again, which is natural and will not interfere with orgasm.
NEO: Non-Ejaculatory Tantric Orgasms:
In Tantric sex, NEO are orgasms without ejaculation for penis owners. This can be experienced by practicing the microcosmic orbit, a technique made popular by Mantak Chia in The Multi-Orgasmic Man.
“By practicing semen retention, you can learn to move that sexual, orgasmic energy through your body so you feel the sensation of having an orgasm without actually ejaculating. This technique will help you transmute the urge to ejaculate into a rush of full-body orgasmic energy.”—Tantric Educator, Psalm Isadora MindBodyGreen.[ii]
Valley Tantric Orgasms:
If peak orgasms are regular orgasms or “tension and release” orgasms, then valley orgasms are the opposite and happen when you slow down and relax. “Rather than tensing around it and focusing it in the genitals, we soften the body around the arousal.”[iii] This allows the pleasure and sensation to spread over the entire body and not just be localized to the genital region, which in turn can produce a more “expanded” orgasmic experience. This type of relaxing, or “softening” of the body can be done at any time, not only during sex or self-pleasure, which allows for an orgasmic state of being with no beginning and no end. Rather than living life “desensitized” we re-sensitize the body to experience orgasmic states at any time, or even all the time. How far out and amazing is that?
Sound Off:
Making sounds during sexual pleasure (moaning, load breathing and ah-breath exhales) helps bring sexual energy up the body to open the throat chakra (which is energetically connected to the vulva, vagina and pelvic floor), thus circulating the energy and aiding in extending your orgasm as well as experiencing multiple orgasms. Using lower-pitched sounds direct energy down the body toward the genitals, and using higher pitched sounds moves energy upward towards the throat.
Do it Again:
Once you have achieved orgasm (in penis owners this will not include ejaculation), get back on that horse and ride it a gain. In other words, enjoy a slight pause, then begin self-stimulation once again, going through all the steps above. This should result in wave after wave of multiple orgasms, with various peaks and valleys that can last anywhere for 1-5 minutes, or even an hour or more. The more you practice the more you will be able to extend your orgasm over time and experience more full-body, expanded and multiple orgasms.
What do Tantric Orgasms Feel Like?
Photo by Lucas Pezeta from Pexels
Everyone will experience their orgasm in their own way, and individuals will experience distinct orgasms at different times.
That said, Annie Sprinkle has described various types of expanded orgasm including the regular “tension and release” type orgasm, that is localized on the body such as clitoral, penis, nipple-gasms, micro-orgasms (sneeze-gasms, cellular-gasms, goosebumps aka orgabumps), dream-gasms, g-spot and cervical orgasms, breath and energy orgasms, combination-gasms or combination orgasms (both clitoral and g-spot), and finally megagasms which she describes as “the volcano or tsunami of all orgasms” which is “an intense fully body experience… that lasts an extended length of time.”[iv]
Other people have described Tantric orgasms as spiritual, feels like waves of pleasure going through the body, tingling all-over, especially the extremities (fingers and toes), contractions in the body, especially the genitals, rhythmical and voluntary movement, energy rushing up from the genitals to shoot out of the crown chakra, a release of tension, the release of hormones and neurochemicals (dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin and vasopressin), feelings of being “high”, orgasmic auras as well as visual and auditory hallucinations, loss of control, altered states of consciousness, trance states, ecstasy, expansion of the mind/body/spirit, connection to Source, release of emotions (laughter, giggling, crying), feeling as if you are in an expanded space and pure bliss!
What are the Benefits of Tantric Orgasms?
Why would one want to experience Tantric orgasms? The most obvious reason is more pleasure and stronger, longer lasting orgasms.
But here are some other benefits as well:
Altered states of consciousness, expansion of the mind, and feelings of being high.
Extended periods of orgasmic states of being.
Connection to spirit, Source, nature, the cosmos and universe.
Greater intimacy with your lover or yourself.
Improve relationships with your partner.
Greater self-love and body awareness/ acceptance.
Less stress, reduces anxiety, more relaxation, being less triggered by emotions, better sleep, fights off depression.
Increased blood flow to keep the genitals and body health, improving cardiovascular health and the heart’s function.
Increased feel-good hormones and natural pain relievers such as dopamine and serotonin to reduce headaches, menstrual cramps, aches and chronic back pain.
Happier, calmer, feeling good.
Aids concentration, creativity, and greater brain activity, and improves mental health.
Better health: Masturbation improves the immune system’s function, by increasing testosterone into the body to help the flow of the hormone DHEA, which reportedly helps reduce the signs of aging, reduces symptoms of menopause, reduces obesity, and may help reduce the risk of osteoporosis in older women by increasing bone mass, and boosts immunity.
Dr. Ava is a Clinical Sexologist and AASECT Certified Sex Counselor, author of eleven books and global speaker (who has travelled to four continents giving lectures on love, romance, relationships, intimacy and sexuality). Dr. Ava is the founder of Loveology University® providing online training to certify Love Coaches, Relationship Coaches and Master Sexperts through a multimedia platform, with emphasis on loving & healing yourself, physically & emotionally, while accepting others’ sexual practices without moral judgement, through comprehensive distance learning.
