Robots: Future of Sex?!

By

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March 29, 2021

Is sex with robots the future of the sex industry? Sex with a robot is a social trend these days, the popularity of which has a clear exponentially growing curve. Already we are seeing robotic companions help us in various areas of life. What can be expected in the future, will sexbots replace interpersonal and sexual relationships?

Article content:

The growing interest in sex with robots

According to the American show Nightline, up to 25% of American men are interested in a relationship with a sex robot in the foreseeable future. According to The Independent, up to 52% of German men would like to interact with a sex robot. In the UK it is up to 47%.

Many residents do not yet have a clear opinion on sex robots, however the idea of using them is tempting. Sexbots can also offer a number of other functions than just sexual games.

Modern sexbots provide not only sex, but also communication, a selection of characteristics, and expressions of emotion.

So to some extent you can replace your partner. However, the question remains to what level these modern sophisticated machines will remain just another alternative to sex or a complete replacement.

Possible spice up of sex life

Sex doll Rebecca © Naughty Harbor

According to sexologist Mr. Zlatko Pastor, sexbots will be used as often and in the same way as vibrators in 50 years. Human sexuality is constantly evolving and is shaped more by the psychosocial setting of society than by biology itself.

What is considered normal by society today may not be normal in 20 years. In a few decades time, sex with a robot should not be something seen as abnormal, but rather quite common. Virtual sex with cyber bots (or avatars) is a new trend now and is growing in popularity.

Of course, this will not be a completely affordable matter, as the price of a single sex robot is based on an average of 2,000 €. With the development of artificial intelligence and overall construction, sexbots will be so similar to humans that they will be indistinguishable in places.

Already today, there are high-quality forms of silicone, which after subsequent texturing can create a believable imitation of human skin. It is speculated that our artificial companions will soon have a heating system to mimic the heat of the human body.

People simply like to try new things, and the emergence of various erotic aids over time is proof of that. However, sexuality is now moving more into virtual space, which provides a number of benefits.

The clear advantages of sexbots include their ability to be optimized and set up exactly according to our needs and wishes. The risks of contracting sexually transmitted diseases are zero, this is something new that the company is just forming an opinion on.

Let’s look at a few examples in a world where a virtual relationship or sex with a robot is quite common.

Welcome to Japan!

Japan, a country of incredible technological progress and productivity, and at the same time the country with the lowest birth rate in the world. A country where a woman must arrange her pregnancy with her employer in advance.

This is how Japan can be briefly described. According to co-founder of the Stanford Laboratory for Research on Human Behavior in the Virtual World, Jeremy Baileson, the state of Japan is outside the table of common Western countries.

According to the very renowned portal The Guardian, 70% of Japanese men and 75% of Japanese women, under the age of 20, are without any sexual experience.

Furthermore, between the ages of 20 and 29, 30% of single women and 15% of single men are in love with virtual mems or anime characters. For these people, there is already a Japanese term “moe” – a person in a virtual relationship.

With its culture and social setting, Japan can give us an example of where things can go. As a tourist, you can visit a number of erotic businesses, which have robotic sexual services.

However, it is worth noting that the reduced interest in partner sex and relationships in Japan is created by a strict approach to work rather than a high offer of virtual and robotic sexual services.

The Japanese working lifestyle is incredibly long and the people live under permanent stress, which in itself does not create much room for relationship building and sexual intercourse. Can such a sexbot be used in other ways, for example for medical purposes?

Sexbot as a safe therapeutic aid

Many people have negative sexual experiences. In many sexological therapies, various aids are used to reopen the patient’s sexuality, thanks to which people are able to return to an enjoyable sexual life.

Today, such therapeutic aids include vibrators, dildos and mirrors for example. Sexbots, thanks to their almost unrecognizable imitation of humans, can be one of the best aids in sexual therapies.

In addition to resembling the human body, sex robots can also offer human-like behavior and movements. They can be optimized for the patient’s needs and there is no risk of incompatibility as well as many other benefits.

Should we be excited?

Sex doll Vivian © Naughty Harbor

Not only for therapeutic reasons, the demand for their use is growing worldwide. The production and improvement of sex robots is on the rise and we can expect their usage around the globe to increase in the future.

Unlike in Japan, sex doll usage is seen as more of a way to spice up ones sex life instead of something that can be used as a partner substitute.

We are seeing more common realistic sex doll usage however, and its only a matter of time before they are integrated into society on a much wider scale.

The Girls’ Guide to Initiating Sex

By

Bobby Morgan

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March 29, 2021

A couple of Saturdays ago, we spent part of the afternoon sitting on the couch listening to a webcast for an online class my lover is taking. William Faulkner’s Light in August made for both spicy subject matter and a deeply academic and analytical lecture.

When the webcast was over, my lover leaned back into his corner of the sofa with one leg splayed on the sofa cushions and the other flailing on the floor in a post-lecture/post-brunch semi coma. I took the opportunity to unbuckle his belt, slide down his boxers and his slacks, and gave him quite a delicious blow job. I didn’t ask if he wanted one and he didn’t object.

Often times it’s hard to know which one of us initiates sex. It really doesn’t matter. We both seem to know when the time is right. But like most men, he loves it when I initiate sex.

I know that many women are hesitant to initiate sex. They’re afraid that their lovers, boyfriends or husbands will question their morals or character, but men want to know that they’re attractive, lusted after, and desired, too. They also want to feel that seduction isn’t always their job.

The simple gesture of pulling him by the hand and telling him, “Let’s go upstairs,” will always work, but there are other more creative ways of letting him know that you want him.

Here are a few sassy and classy ideas to try …

Text Him

Send him a message while he’s at work or somewhere not nearby and type, “I want you.” Depending on your guy, a message like, “I want you to fuck my brains out,” works, too. To amp up the urgency, send him a text at a most inopportune time like when he’s at a meeting. As soon as he comes over, he’ll be ready.

Be Fierce

As soon as he walks into the door, grab him by the shirt collar, nail him against the nearest wall, press your body against his, and kiss him hard. Chances are, you’ll feel him get hard in an instant.

Tell Him What You’re Wearing (or Not Wearing)

Let’s say the two of you are out to dinner. After the first cocktail (or whenever you feel is an appropriate time), lean across the table and whisper, “Guess what? I’m not wearing panties.” I guarantee that you’ll both want to skip dessert.

Play Footsies

This is a favorite of mine. I don’t know why, but my lover gets the message, even if he can’t show or say “Yes, yes, YES!” in public (like in a restaurant). The last time I did this, we were sitting on the balcony while he was puffing on what likes to call his seegar and I on an after-dinner cocktail. When I noticed that he was getting toward the end of his cigar, I slipped off my shoe, snuck my bare foot under the hem of his slacks, and slid it up and down the back of his thigh. It set a rather tantric mode for the sex that ensued right after, although I think we were both already in that state of mind.

Try the Cliched

For years there have versions of a list of ways a man has to get a woman in the mood for sex. At the end of the list, there’s a one-line instruction of what a woman has to do to turn on a man: Show up naked and bring beer. I’m sure the beer is optional. If it isn’t, stick it in the fridge so it stays cold while the both of you are hot.

If you don’t want to show up naked, I’m sure showing up in sexy lingerie will work, too.

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Previously published at- http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/the-ladies-guide-to-initiating-sex/

Spanking: A Hands-on Tutorial

By

Bobby Morgan

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March 26, 2021

(Note: This post is written from a straight submissive woman’s perspective. I also prefer to use pronouns consistently in my writing. I in no way infer or suggest that there’s anything wrong with submissive men or bi, lesbian, gay, trans or omni sex; I honestly can’t speak from those experiences. My only intention is to provide safe, sane and responsible sex-positive information.)

Unless you’re a die-hard masochist or pain slut, the sexual intent of spanking isn’t just about pain. A little sting on the behind or the back of the legs is like taking in a good sweet and sour soup at a Chinese restaurant – it’s an unexpected intense sensation. When it’s done right, a spankee’s mind will blur between pleasure and pain.

Before You Begin

Before you lay a hand on your partner, talk about spanking. Talk about your spankee’s experience (or non-experience) with spanking. Ask about her about her likes and dislikes and what her pain thresholds are. If you’ve never spanked during sexual play, let your partner know and take things slow. Use and honor “Slow down,” “No,” “Stop” and safe words. (Sometimes safe words, or words other than “No” and “Stop” don’t come easy when a spankee’s sexually charged, orgasmic or in extreme pain.)

Warm Up

The last thing you want to do is start off by wailing on your sub or partner’s ass, especially with no preparation or notice. Think of that approach as the equivalent of getting rammed in the ass with no lube. Gently stroking the tush and the back of the upper legs with your hand makes the spankee feel cared for and gets the blood flow going. Making your sub/partner feel relaxed and subdued is elemental in building trust for how things will ensue.

Start off Slow

Once your partner falls into a comfort zone, give a quick smack. At the beginning, use more soft touches than spanks. It’s even better when your soft touches and spanks are unpredictable. The unexpected is key to the yin-yang/pain-pleasure mind fuck. Gradually build up the intensity and frequency of your spanks.

A Hands-on Tutorial

There’s definitely a technique to taking a hand to the bum. Don’t make hard contact by striking through the tissue. That’s a sure way to bruise. Snap at the meatier parts of her ass or back of her legs and pull back quickly. Flick your wrist as if you’re cracking a whip.

Also, hold your hands in different ways. Cupping your hand with your fingers together gives the effect of a spanking but also has a bit of a caress to it. Using a flat palm with your fingers apart will have more of an impact. Giving quick whacks with a flat palm with your fingers together will definitely leave a sting, a red mark, and definitely a louder smack.

Don’t think of spanking as just smacking. After all, this isn’t the kind of spanking you got as a kid. Swat your fingers up or back and forth like a whisking a broom. Use one or both sides of your hands and fingers.

Don’t spank the same spot over and over. Alternate between cheeks and try the hips, sides of her butt, or the bottom back of her legs. A little and more gentle swat to the pussy can leave a delightful jolt, too.

Mix Things Up

Spanking isn’t just all about the ass, although anal play while you’re spanking is fun if your partner’s into that. Alternate between spanking and pussy play either with your fingers, dildo or vibrator. Reach around and grab or caress some boobage. Tweak or pinch a nipple while you’re giving her ass the soft touch treatment.

Getting Heavy Handed

When your spankee’s breathing starts getting heavier or if she’s getting pre-orgasmic, this is the time to step things up in intensity. Let her sounds and movements guide you. If an “Ouch!” is immediately followed by an “Oooh, yeah,” you’re doing things right.

Never be afraid to ask how your partner is feeling. Sometimes spankees won’t say they’re hurting because they think there’s some kind of expectation to endure pain in order to earn pleasure. If your partner is into that kind of game, at least tease her by giving her teasing touches near her pussy – the insides of her thighs, the crook between her leg and her groin. Gliding your finger tip along the top of her ass crack to the small of her back will send tingles and shivers throughout her body and down to her very core. Daring her to come while she’s getting spanked can be a hot dynamic.

Some good, hard spanks while you’re in the middle of hardcore fucking can definitely be in order. A swift whack will usually make her vaginal walls clamp around your cock and give her an orgasmic jolt. Again, monitor her response. If she’s really hurting (and chances she won’t be if you’re doing it right), it’s going to kill her mood and you’ll both lose out.

By all means, I don’t mean to suggest that you have to spank or be spanked from foreplay to orgasm. Just like any other sex play, do what feels good and fits the mood. Don’t be surprised if the person doing the spanking will decide when he’s had enough. His hand is getting a work-over, too, or he might want to put them elsewhere.

Afterglow and Aftercare

After all is done, bask in the tenderness of afterglow. Make your partner feel cared for, loved and pampered. Talk about what happened. Don’t be surprised if she wigs out a bit after coming down or even the next day. This is common. Some call it sub-drop or post-coital tristesse (read more about this in Ms. Q & A: Why do I Cry After Sex?). It can be brought on by the polar extreme sensations, a crisis of conscience, or a fear that she’s not truly valued or respected. Assure her that she is by both your words and actions, especially if words like slut, whore and cunt are used during play.

If you’re a conflicted spanker or don’t feel like it’s in your nature, tell her. Respecting limits goes both ways, and extreme and kinky sex doesn’t always mean better sex.

Be sure to follow up in the following days. Check for bruising, marks, and welts. Some gals like a little reminder of a stinging bottom or a warm red mark for a day or so, but if it lasts more than 24 hours or if it’s really painful to sit, take it as a signal to take things easier the next time. A little bruising might occur and she might be OK with her, but blotches of black and blue on her backside are not. Even if she didn’t say “Stop,” “Slow Down,” or use a safe word, it may have been hard for her to judge her pain level if she was also feeling a lot of pleasure. Some medications can exacerbate bruising, too.

More, Please, Sir

If hand-iwork isn’t enough, you’ll most likely want to look into some toys and implements to extend the long arm of the law of great sex, but I’ll get into those in another post. I promise.

http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/spanking-done-right/

Dungeon Etiquette: How To Behave In A BDSM Playspace

By

M.Christian

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March 24, 2021

Sure, things might be a tad … well, let’s call it what it is: scary right now, but we homo sapiens are quite the durable species and before you know it we’ll be all exiting our virus-induced isolation and once again be getting together for all kinds of group social interactions.

Including those, of course, of the sexual … and particularly kinky variety.

But whether it’s your first-time visit to your local BDSM party space or deciding to dip your leather or latex-clad toes into attending a kinky event you should be familiar with the etiquette of the scene: in short, how to behave yourself.

Before I get into that, though, I want to take a brief detour to explain why this is so important. Absolutely, being the best person you can be—polite, respectful, conscientious, and all that—is never a bad idea but in the BDSM world that’s even more important as the community prides itself on being quite good at self-policing.

While far from perfect, they actually do a pretty good job at it, too: calling out bad behavior and individuals both because they reflect purely on the community as a whole but more importantly because not to do so could put kinksters at risk—emotionally as well as physically.

Sound scary—particularly for newcomers? Well, kind of, but only in the best way as it’s in place for those extremely good reasons. But while you might be a bit nervous venturing into your first public dungeon or playspace don’t fret too much as being on your best behavior is actually quite easy.

To begin with, be upfront and direct about your kink experience level—or lack of one. There’s nothing ever wrong with telling people that you are new to this whole BDSM thing and, most of all, you are willing to listen and learn. What is wrong is pretending to be skilled when you aren’t or, worse yet, trying to hide ignorance behind an arrogant disguise.

A perfect example of this is wearing your dominant or submissive role outside of play. Until a scene actually starts, publicly or privately, everything beforehand should be done on nothing but an equal power level to make communication, and especially negotiation, as easy and comprehensive as possible: so, leave your persona at home until you actually get an opportunity to play and beforehand just be yourself.

Confused? Well, don’t be because the whole point of this is that if you don’t know something, or don’t know how to act appropriately, say so. Folks in the scene often love nothing better than to take a new person under their kinky wing and show them the ropes … and chains, and whips, and etc.

In fact, I personally recommend making some kinky friends who are familiar with the scene and how it operates before venturing into public play. That way, you can have someone there to help you out and also give you their own take on how to act appropriately.

While many dungeons and the like have their own unique rules, most of them have a few standards they ask their members to adhere to. The biggest of these has to be that you should never touch anyone, or anything, without clear permission to do so. This means no hugs, casual touches, or anything else involving contact without a clear sign that it’s okay.

And if you do accidentally touch someone or something then immediately apologize. Consent in the BDSM community is huge and if you can’t accept that, then you have no place in the community.

Also do try to at least dress for the part when you attend an event. No, I don’t mean the $5,000 leather outfit you’ve been itching to try out but don’t, for instance, show up in jeans and a t-shirt. Black, even if it’s just a simple top and a good pair of pants or skirt, is perfectly fine.

Another common faux pa newcomers commit when visiting a playspace is to wander through the play area and/or disrupt the scenes that are going on. While it is perfectly fine to take a brief stroll through the space to check it out, do not linger or come to close to anything happening. Similarly, speak no louder than a whisper—if you have to say something at all. Respect, again, is the watchword here: and lacking it could get you either sneered at or even kicked out of the space.

It’s also worth mentioning that you should leave your phone at home though if you have to have it nearby turn it off or mute it—and never check it while in the space.

This brings up another important point: one of privacy. Many people have to keep their BDSM activities out of their public lives and because of it the scene completely respects everyone’s right to privacy. This means that what you see at a party stays at a party and should never be discussed afterward unless it’s with someone who was also there. This is also extremely true should you encounter a person in “civilian” life you saw at an event: keep your yap shut.

Back to personal recommendations, I strongly suggest that if you are interested in public BDSM play you take things nice and slow: don’t come to your first event or space and expect to play but rather just to scope things out and get the lay of the land and, by all means, come with your kinky support friend who could help show you how things are done.

via GIPHY

Then, once you’ve got a handle on how things are done, you can think about actually getting into your own scene sometime. Libidos can definitely get into overdrive during your first outing but try to always keep in mind that there will be other events, other parties, other dungeons, and other opportunities to play unless, of course, you get over-eager and do something really stupid so the BDSM community door gets slammed in your face.

Summing up: there’s nothing wrong with being a newbie to the scene and it’s far better to be open about that than trying to be someone you are not. So ask polite and respectful questions, try your best to be kind and conscientious, listen when people give you advice and when you make a mistake, which everyone will do at one time or another, don’t get defensive or argumentative but instead sincerely apologize to those involved and, best of all, learn your lesson and move on.

Do this and the gates to the BDSM community will open wide and welcome you in with open arms: for parties, events, play spaces, and dungeons but, best of all, for the really fun adventures that often lay in more private areas.

Sexpert Panel: Open Relationships: Understanding Polyamory, Monogamish & Unicorns

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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March 15, 2021

By Dr. Ava Cadell

Did you know that there’s a spike in Open Relationships and Polyamorous Marriage?

Much of it may be due to the Covid quarantine, as couples are calling it quits after spending so much time together that they’re getting on each other’s nerves. Even newlyweds are separating, but there’s a new alternative approach that’s becoming popular and that is adding a consensual person or people to your relationship.

This event has passed, but you can watch the replay below.

I will be moderating this esteemed panel of Sexperts and taking questions from viewers, so think about what you would like to ask on the topic.

When you register, you will also automatically get put into our raffle for free gifts, like an adult toy basket from Lelo and you will get a link to a fabulous yoga video donated by Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce. She is a Clinical Sexologist and Yoga Therapist with a Degree in Nursing. Her background as a registered nurse, health educator, sex & relationship author, radio talk show host and yoga therapist all enhance her passion as an International speaker and sensuality educator. Dr. Nancy’s counseling practice includes giving guidance and advice to singles for dating in a socially distanced world. Dr Nancy also hosts Exotic Lifestyle Retreats, intimacy oasis at Hedonism Jamaica, where she teaches couples about Conscious Living Sexuality, promoting good communication so that you can share your wants and desires with your partner and enjoy a healthy connection together. If cruising is more your style, you can join Dr. Nancy on a Bliss Cruise for adults.You can join Dr. Nancy for her upcoming event in Jamaica for singles and couples at 26th https://drnsp.com/exotic-lifestyle-retreats/

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff will share her vast knowledge an Academic & Legal Expert on Polyamorous Families with Children. Dr. “Eli” Sheff is a researcher, expert witness, coach, speaker, and educational consultant. With a PhD in Sociology (University of Colorado, Boulder, 2005) and certification as a Sexuality Educator from the AASECT (the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, 2012), Dr. Sheff specializes in gender and sexual minority families, consensual non-monogamy, and kink/BDSM. Sheff is the foremost academic expert on polyamorous families with children, and her 20+ year Polyamorous Family Study is the only longitudinal study of poly families with children to date. Currently lecturing at the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga, Sheff has also taught at the University of Colorado, University of Montana, Georgia State University, Oglethorpe, Emory, and the University of Zurich. In her book, When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous, she describes the personality of people who are best suited for Open Relationships and on the panel, she will share her bonding project survey to find out if you are a good candidate for an Open Relationship https://www.bondingproject.com/. Dr. Eli is a prolific writer and speaker, so check out her website.

Carol & David, Radio Hosts of The Sexy Lifestyle

Carol and David are the hosts of The Sexy Lifestyle on VoiceAmerica radio, a leading provider of Internet talk radio. Each week Carol and David, A fun-loving swinger couple, share their own personal experiences with sex, love and marriage. Their show aims to help listeners have stronger, more meaningful relationships through clear communication, pushing boundaries, exploring limits, and fulfilling fantasies. Through uncensored and honest discussions about great sex, passion, and intimacy, gain insight into a sex-positive and female-centric view of the modern-day couple. The show airs every Thursday at 4pm PT on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. Tune in for their sex tips, wild stories, and live call-in advice about living a happy, healthy, and horny life! They will give us insight on how their Swinging has improved communication, boundaries and sex in their relationship. They are also giving away a free gift of their Tom Waterproof Blanket to one lucky raffle winner.

Dr. Carol Queen is an Award-winning author, activist and sex educator with a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, Carol Queen has been a part of Good Vibrations since 1990. She currently serves as both Staff Sexologist and Chief Cultural Officer. Queen curates Good Vibrations’ Antique Vibrator Museum. In 1975, Carol Queen co-founded GAYouth, one of the first LGBT youth organizations in America. In 2000, she became the Founding Director of the Center for Sex & Culture, a non-profit organization that provides sex-positive educational classes, as well as a sexuality library and archive accessible to the public. As a presenter, she is offering Sex Positivity classes at https://renegadeuniversity.com/product/sex-positivity/. She is also the author of eleven books.

Erika Jordan is a Certified Love and Relationship Coach, author, media personality and leader in the field of Digital Romance and Online Dating. Well known as a personal trainer for dating, she helps men and women maneuver through the ups and downs of dating and helps them find the love of their lives. Erika has created a renowned 6-week course, entitled The Art of PickUp, designed to help men acquire the skills to approach women with confidence. Erika hosted a show for Playboy TV called, ‘Totally Busted’ and she has had starring roles in various movies on SyFy, HBO, Cinemax. Erika is giving away her 6-week Dating Course for Men, The Art of Pickup. http://erikajordan.net/ and you can listen to her podcast here.

Tamara Bell who was one of the first Loveology University graduates in 2008, is now the Student Ambassador & Mentor for LoveUniv.com ready to help coach you to a successful career! Tamara is also a master networker and an industry leader helping grow positive businesses. She founded The Home Pleasure Party Plan Association (HPPPA) in January 2005 to establish a network between pleasure party company owners, distributors and manufacturers. Tamara said, “Our goal is to be one voice to our distributors and manufacturers and continue to be viewed as a strong entity in this growing industry.” Now a Certified Loveologist & Love Coach working with couples, singles and business owners in developing positive relationship enhancement techniques, Tamara is loved and admired by all who work with her. Her website is https://ladytcoaching.com/ and she hosts a Podcast with LU graduate, Viloshni Moodley, called Real, Raw & Uncut on YouTube.

Please don’t hate me, Grammarly, but I really don’t give a f***

By

Ralph Greco

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March 15, 2021

pencil-1758276_640 — Image by AxxLC from Pixabay

I just hit a “Centenary Superhero” milestone with Grammarly (don’t worry, I didn’t know what it was either). In using the basic grammar program, which I do indeed recommend, I get reports on my writing from the company all the time. In addition to this new milestone, I am presently 82% more productive, 29% more accurate, and use 93% more unique words than the rest of Grammarly’s users.

Well, whoopie for me, huh?

Actually, between you and I, I don’t rightly give a rat’s dingus. If I could stop Grammarly’s insidious checking in and reporting on me, I would. I don’t need their tickling of my taint. I don’t rightly care how I measure up against others. I don’t even want to keep score on what I’ve managed to do.

This writing thing, penning naughty words, and mainstream stuff, is my livelihood. I am not in a competition or along for the ride of social media approbation. Sure, I want an audience. Sure, I love it when people connect with a story or come back to me and tell me how something they read of mine gave them a nice warm feeling (just as long as I don’t have to help them wipe up). And I especially like when I give forth on a class of would-be writers, as my buddy and fellow writer M. Christian and I have done on a few occasions at the kink conventions we have presented at… and hopefully will present at again with all this COVID b.s. is over. But I don’t care a whit about the opinion of some algorithm.

This Grammarly update speaks to a more significant dilemma of our modern world, and one I shan’t really dive into here. But generally, because of social media infecting our lives as it has (or more precisely how we have infected ourselves with it), people find it very hard to do anything without a response. People sign-up for exercise programs and eat well campaigns, enjoy Zoom instructions, pretty much get together across digital platforms consistently.

Sure, I’ll give you the pandemic. I know that has pushed us into isolation more than anything we have ever experienced on the planet. But why do we need confirmation so bad, the return tweet, and the ‘like,’ the fellow dieters? And why would Grammarly think I’d give a… well… a rat’s dingus, that I surpassed one of their milestones?

I’m too busy writing, which you should be too!

Endometriosis and Sexual Health

By

Debra Shade

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March 10, 2021

pexels-sora-shimazaki-5938351 — Photo by Sora Shimazaki from Pexels

March is Endometriosis Month.

Endometriosis is when the uterine inner lining develops outside the uterus. Endometriosis affects your sexual life. Sex can become extremely painful. But let me tell you, you may have to go through hella testing before it is appropriately diagnosed. Delightfully we have a month dedicated to bringing awareness around endometriosis. The pain felt from the disease can be severe, especially during your cycle and sex.

The thicken lining breaks down and bleeds with each menstrual cycle, however the excess tissue has no way to exit the body. It grows and spreads and can affect the ovaries. Scar tissue and adhesions cause pelvic tissue and organs to stick to each other. Untreated, eventually you will experience fertility issues. Because there is limited information about the disease, we do know that doctors are quick to suggest a version of a hysterectomy to rectify the matter.

This is a very common issue among vulva owners. The bladder and intestines can develop complications as well. Treatment is a necessity; it will not go away on its own. Vulva owners between 18 and 35 are most susceptible.

What Are the Signs of Endometriosis?

What signs are you looking for to help you suspect endometriosis? Each of us is different so watch for what you know does not feel right for your body.

Some symptoms include:

Experience painful periods (dysmenorrhea)
Pelvic pain and cramping that begin before and goes several days into your cycle
Lower back and stomach pain
Suddenly start to experience pain during sex
A huge sign is excessive bleeding
Infertility and fertility issues
Other symptoms may include fatigue, diarrhea, constipation, bloating and nausea, especially during menstrual periods.

Sometimes, endometriosis is first diagnosed when you seek treatment for infertility. Many times, vulva owners find it hard to conceive, and this could be because of the thickening of the lining that prevents an egg from uniting with the sperm. Something to keep in mind is that endometriosis is sometimes mistaken for other conditions that can cause pelvic pain, such as pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) or ovarian cysts. It may be confused with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), a condition that causes bouts of diarrhea, constipation, and abdominal cramping.

When to Seek Treatment

So, when should you see a doctor? Immediately, when you feel that your cycle is not ‘right”, and pain is severe enough to disrupt your daily activities. The sooner you seek a doctor’s care, the better your chances of beating the disease. An early diagnosis by a multidisciplinary medical team will result in great management of your symptoms and to develop a game plan to treat the disease.

What Causes Endometriosis?

You may be thinking what causes endometriosis? While it is not certain, there are a few explanations such as retrograde menstruation. This is when menstrual blood flows back through the fallopian tubes and into the pelvic cavity. Transformation of peritoneal cells suggest that hormones or immune factor’s promote transformation of peritoneal cells that line the inner side of the abdomen. The transformation of embryonic cells such as estrogen may transform embryonic cells into endometrial like cells during puberty. After a surgery, surgical scar implantation can cause cells to attach to the surgical incision. The lymphatic system may transport endometrial cells to other parts of the body known as endometrial cell transport.

Other Risk Factors

Finally, an immune system disorder may make the body unable to recognize and destroy endometrial like tissue that grows outside the uterus. Bear with me as I list risk factors. If you know them, you can better manage your health.

Things like:

Never giving birth
Going through menopause at an older age
Short menstrual cycles
Starting your cycle at an early age
Heavy cycles that last longer than 7 days
Having higher levels of estrogen in your body
Low body mass index
And even having one or more relatives with endometriosis can be a risk factor for you.

Any medical condition that prevents the normal passage of your flow out of the body and lastly any reproductive tract abnormalities are all risk factors.

What Happens If I Go Untreated?

The dreaded diagnosis of cancer is a possibility if you leave endometriosis untreated. Ovarian cancer does occur at higher than expected rates in those with endometriosis. The more you know, the better.

Use this month to find out more about endometriosis. As a vulva owner, you should do what you can to protect yourself, as early detection can let you take control of this health issue that affects your sexual health.

Remembering Playgirl: Entertainment for Women (No, Really!)

By

Megan Hussey

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March 10, 2021

By Megan Hussey, The Feminist Sexpert

As we celebrate Women’s History Month in March (Happy Women’s History Month by the way—huzzah!), we also pause to remember those who time has forgotten—those women who, whether individually or as a group, have been omitted from history books and deleted from popular culture.

I know something about those women, and women’s groups—because I’m one of them.

I’m Megan Hussey, Feminist Sexpert at Sexpert.Com, erotica author, journalist and feminist activist. And in the early 2000s, I was the leader of the Playgirl Posse, Playgirl’s fan club.

Upon reading this information, some readers may have done such a swift double take that they now suffer from whiplash. Sorry about that! This is because, at least once every few months, I read online that Playgirl was a gay magazine read only by gay men. Oh, and for good measure, they say all of the models were gay too.

I have nothing against gay people or gay porn. What I do have something against is the total cultural erasure of Playgirl’s initial mission and female readership. It kinda sucks to be told that one doesn’t exist, ya know?

I was a woman who strongly responded to the message, mission and models of Playgirl, counting it as that single tool that helped get me through lonely nights, bad breakups, and even college! Because aside from being a feminist since birth (I often joke that I came out of the womb with the sole intention of overthrowing the patriarchy by preschool), I just really loved seeing hot men with little to no clothes. And how.

As a magazine, Playgirl was created in the early ‘70s for women as a feminist response to Playboy–and for most of its run, the magazine’s readership was split down the middle between gay men and straight women. Aside from centerfolds that were romantically shot, far less graphically than those featured in gay beefcake magazines, Playgirl magazine featured erotic fantasies and photo layouts featuring female/male couples, interviews with female celebrities, articles about issues like feminism, women in the workplace, dating violence, and reviews of erotic books and films.

The PlaygirlTV hardcore DVDs, introduced in the early 2000s, showed heterosexual couples and showcased male stars like Jean Val Jean, Evan Stone, Niko, Marcus London, etc. And the PlaygirlTV cable/video on demand service showed these same scenes online and on cable.

I first read about Playgirl on a pop culture message board. Immediately I thrust a defiant fist in the air and issued a Sally-like (“I’ll have what she’s having”) cry of “Yesss!!!”

OK, so—during college, I actually created a model channel guide for a PlaygirlTV channel—that’s how freakin’ badly I wanted, no needed PlaygirlTV. So when I wrote to the Playgirl marketing department to congratulate them profusely on the realization of a women’s erotic network, I made an immediate friend in the wonderful Heda Eisenberg, marketing specialist for Playgirl.

Soon they brought me on as a spokeswoman and as the head of the Playgirl fan club, the Playgirl Posse. I became a Playgirl writer and was suddenly corresponding with people like world-renowned sexpert Jayme Waxman and legendary femme porn director Candida Royalle. I had a Playgirl column and blog, and was on the programming review board for PlaygirlTV.

The Playgirl Posse was 95 percent female and featured members such as Heth Mares, the female marketing manager of Wicked Pictures, sexperts/adult models like Tara Tainton and Sassy Vee (host of the “Sex with Sassy” show), Amy Co Accessories owner and Vegas party planner Amy Miller, renowned adult journalist Cyndi Loftus, many erotica authors and publishers, adult commentators like short filmmaker Jana Cleveland, sex toy expert Stephanie S., and female adult film critics Ravyn Riccio and Mistress Liss. We also boasted grandmas, nurses, homemakers, breast cancer survivors, adult toy saleswomen, strippers, and career women. Selena Kitt, whose book “Babysitting the Baumgartners” was made into a movie by Adam and Eve, was a Posse girl.

The Playgirl Posse were ladies on a mission; representing Playgirl at the AVN show one weekend and at the Playgirl male revue show plenty of weekends. We flowed through the doors of adult video and bookstores, demanding more Playgirl. I wrote fiery letters to news outlets who claimed that Playgirl wasn’t really for women, because women just weren’t visual. This despite the fact that handsome hunks are used to sell everything from romance novels to soap operas intended solely for a female audience. And I lived every gal’s dream, receiving a birthday phone call from adult video actor/PlaygirlTV star Jean Val Jean, my big crush. He was a total sweetheart who sang me “Happy Birthday” in French and sent me a swoonworthy autographed picture—one I treasure to this day.

Our club did include a handful of gay men, also straight men who wanted to model for Playgirl. And yes, many of the men who posed for Playgirl were indeed straight.

Towards the end of Playgirl’s history, the direction of the magazine changed to acknowledge more of its gay male audience—steering away from the Posse in the process. Even before then, I was stung when Tina Fey, one of my idols, joked on Saturday Night Live that “PlaygirlTV was the channel made for women, but watched by gay men.”

Really, Tina? Well, let me let ya in on a little secret. The gals of the Playgirl Posse were the same women who buy tickets to your movies and comedy shows, in an effort to stand by you and other strong women. They stood by me when my first erotic book was published, and when my father passed away. And I made sure to honor them when they got jobs and degrees, when they married and had children, when they needed a listening ear.

We are women, and boy, did we roar. Or should I say—Playgirl, did we roar.

Playgirl closed its pages as a print magazine in 2016, but relaunched again in 2020. It is still available at Playgirl.com.

5 Tips for Discussing Your Sexual Fantasies With a Partner

By

Megan Harrison

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March 6, 2021

graphic-2086281_640 — Image by Espressolia from Pixabay

If the idea of sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner makes you squirm, I feel you. But fear not, I’ve got some tips that’ll make the sharing experience more comfortable than ever before.

Some tips when discussing your sexual fantasies with a partner: communicate openly, start the conversation outside of the bedroom, tell them about the fantasy at an appropriate time, not mention the names of anyone you are fantasizing about, and take it slow.

This article will go over five helpful tips that’ll prevent you from cringing every time you try to share your fantasies with your partner!

Open Communication Is Essential

Sexual fantasies can be a lot of fun if both partners are on the same page. However, not being clear can leave you both feeling awkward, insecure, or even upset.

To avoid this, you should be open with your partner about the fantasies you’d like to try with them. If they have any questions, answer them as clearly as you can. Additionally, you’ll need to take the time to discuss why, when, and how you’d like the fantasy to go down. If your fantasy isn’t fully formulated, that’s ok! Just communicate your feelings and desires with your partner, and you can work through the fantasy together.

After telling your partner about your fantasy, they may tell you that they are uncomfortable with some aspects of it. While this may be a letdown for you, it’s crucial to be open and only try things you’re both comfortable with. Even if they aren’t excited about one of your fantasies, they may be really into another!

Don’t just assume your partner won’t be interested without finding out for sure! Your partner might totally be into something such as daring public orgasms with vibrating panties. Open communication gives you the chance to talk it out until you find a fantasy you are both enthusiastic about.

Start the Convo When You Aren’t Between the Sheets

While you may think the best time to bring up your sexual fantasies is when you and your partner are all hot and bothered, it’s actually better to start the conversation outside of the bedroom.

During the heat of the moment, your partner may agree to try fantasies they aren’t comfortable with or something they haven’t had time to contemplate fully. Or, they may react negatively to the request and shut down sexy time altogether. Therefore, you should discuss your fantasies when you are both calm (and clothed) so that you and your partner don’t rush into doing something you’ll regret later!

Perhaps you could bring up your sexual ideas such as your pegging fantasy over breakfast one morning or while you guys are on an evening stroll. Bringing them up when you guys are calm and collected will allow everyone to think rationally and only participate in fantasies they genuinely want to try.

Timing Is Key

Make sure to explain the fantasy to your partner when everyone is relaxed, calm, and ready to communicate. Sharing your fantasy with your partner after they’ve had a long day at work is unlikely to go well. Even if they are interested in trying the sexual fantasy, they may respond negatively or be unresponsive because they aren’t in the right mental state.

Additionally, you’ll need to consider what’s going on in your partner’s life and how that relates to your fantasy. Your Choosing an appropriate time to share your fantasies with your partner is key to making the experience more pleasurable for both parties.

Don’t Mention Anyone’s Name

If your fantasy involves your partner roleplaying as a sexy stranger or as the guy you had a crush on in high school, it’s best to leave the details in the dark. Just give your partner the gist of the situation and do not, for god’s sake, say the name of the person you are picturing them as.

While you should always follow this rule if you are roleplaying as people you know, you may also want to follow it when you are roleplaying as people you don’t know, depending on how sensitive your partner is. If they will be hurt by you asking them to be Channing Tatum or Jennifer Lopez during your sexual fantasy, then it’s best not to make that request.

Instead, give them a general role to play, such as a “sexy Hollywood actor” or a “powerful boss.” General roles aren’t hurtful, yet they still allow you to have the fantasy experience you seek!

Take It Slow

After you tell your partner about your sexual fantasy, you may think that the only thing left to do is put it into action. However, this isn’t true! Sometimes the experience will go more smoothly if you go slow and take the fantasy one step at a time.

You and your partner could spend some time picking out new sex toys, selecting outfits, BDSM furniture, and other sexy props for the fantasy, for starters. Then, once you’re in the bedroom, you may want to start by watching porn related to fantasy. Or, maybe your partner’s dirty talk during sex will be focused on the fantasy topic.

After trying out these lesser forms of your fantasy, you guys may realize that you don’t want to go all the way. Or, you may be chomping at the bit to put the entire fantasy into action! Either way, taking it slow will give you both time to get more comfortable with the fantasy and recognize your likes and dislikes.

Conclusion

When you are sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner, you should:

Communicate clear and openly about your fantasies.
Start the conversation outside of the bedroom.
Tell them about the fantasy at an appropriate time.
Don’t give them specifics about who the fantasy is about.
Go slow and stop if anyone gets uncomfortable.

I hope this article has helped make sharing your fantasies with your partner more effortless and pleasant than before!

To journal or not to journal? What’s Your Preference?

By

Ralph Greco

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March 3, 2021

pexels-pixabay-414551 — pexels by pixabay

Here we fall onto another one of those areas I can’t rightly advise you on from any true personal experience. I don’t journal. I don’t on a plane. In the rain. In a house with a mouse. I just don’t.

Do you? Have you never but have been thinking of starting? Have you heard your fellow writers espouse its virtues, friends prompting you, teachers assigning you to get to it for this semester? Maybe, you want to dip your toe into writing for the first time and feel this is a good way to begin?

Sure, get to it, I say.

Why don’t I Journal?

First of all, despite some high-school, and college creative writing teachers indeed assigning journaling to me, non-writers assuming I do it all the time, and plenty of well-intentioned folks giving me journals as gifts (and I’ve received some very nice ones, over the years) I’ve always felt that the writing I do pretty much during most of my day, is all the writing I want to do. I’m not talking about keeping a pad and pen handy at my bedside table, or in the car; I am constantly scribbling down ideas, turns of phrases, snippets of conversations I know might lead me into interesting territories for stories, etc. (and this practice of having pen and paper handy is one I can and do advise).

But the self-reflective ruminations that journals are supposed to pull from you (don’t get on my ass here, I know one can write anything they like into a diary, and I talking about diary-like scribbling here), I feel I’m already slipping that into my fiction, blogs, poems, plays and songs, especially my songs). I’ve always worried that, for me, journaling would lessen the vitality of my ideas or see me puking forth so often in a diary that I’d be too exhausted to write any of these thoughts in my ‘real’ writing.

Pretty much what I have against blogging for oneself or tweeting all day long.

Yes, I know the argument could be made that prompting a steady flow of stream-of-conscience writing keeps one better in touch with one’s emotions. That all writing keeps one’s writing muscles in shape. I can’t argue either point, but none of this is true for me, or more precisely, I am not going to start journaling now when I have never done it, and certainly have enough writing to keep me busy during the hours of the day when I am trying to earn my bread-and-butter money.

For some people, the only writing they ever get to, is what they manage when they journal. And being an old curmudgeon eschewing technology as often as I do, I certainly like the idea of putting pen to paper for whatever reason (I love how it so often shocks people to see me sitting in a Starbucks or some other over-priced too-cool-for-school coffee spot, working furiously on the papers of a manuscript, or actually reading an honest-to-goodness book!)

Really, it’s not for me to tell you to journal or not; if you have read any of this column before, you know by now I would never demand that a writer has to do this or that. Whatever gets you there, short of smoking crack or going out chopping up city sanitary workers, burying them in your basement and then writing what you feel is authentic serial killer short stories, is fine by me. (Actually, if you are smoking crack, that’s fine by me, but leave those city workers alone ok?)

To journal or not to journal, that’s up to you.