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Tuesday, July 15, 2025

Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults

Sexpert.com has the Best Sex Education Articles for Adults from an expert line up of certified sex experts.

Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.

Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.

Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.

Explore sexpert articles from our top sex educators.

Should I date my best friend?

should i date my best friend
Featured image from Elle Hughes- Pexels

Isn’t friendship the same as love sans the sex? We learn more and more about the complexities of friendship everyday. Moreover, researches show that romantic relations based on friendship are usually the happiest and strongest.

The longer you know someone, the more they become attractive to you. Have you ever been around someone that you initially blew off as not your type but the longer you were around them, the more they appealed to you?

All relationships really need the foundations of a strong friendship in order to withstand everything that life throws at couples, including acts of god and the shit that we put each other through.

The most long-lasting and satisfying romantic relationships are the ones that are about more than sexual chemistry. I mean, it doesn’t hurt… but you can only have sex so many times a day. What happens when he can’t get it up anymore? A fun friendship with an attractive person can make you feel dumb for even questioning whether you should date or not.

Usually, something big needs to happen in order for one of you to finally take that step. A move to a different state, an engagement, something that is changing your lives forever anyway so if, the reaction isn’t what you expected, there’s nothing to lose.

So, how else do you know when it’s time approach your friend about your feelings?

1. The awkwardness is gone

He has seen you at your best: dolled up and how you want the world to see you. And at your worst: no makeup, baggy clothes, crying your eyes out. He knows that you feel comfortable with him and is well aware of your likes, dislikes, quirks and pet peeves. You are sure by now that he will not judge or criticize you.

3. You always have plans.

As buddies, you spend a lot of time together and do a lot of activities. As your friendship grows, you discover common interests and already know which activities you both enjoy. The beauty of this is that when you start dating, you simply continue the routine. You do not have to adapt to the interests of a new person in your life or change tastes once you are together.

4. They knows your life + goals

When someone falls in love with their best friend, the friend is usually someone that’s been around since school or college. He saw you working hard at your first shit jobs, borrowing money from friends or siblings to pay the rent for the next month. Your friend knows about your past, as well as future plans, career ambitions, and goals. He always supports and gives you good advice. You won’t have any disagreements about life ambitions because he has been with you from the moment you started dreaming about what you want out of life and love. This kind of understanding and encouragement is important for your individual growth, professional development, and your future as a supportive couple.

5. It is comfortable and feels right

When you reach a certain amount of comfort in a relationship, there is no need to impress one another, or to hide any feelings because you are shy or indecisive. Thanks to your friendship, you have already reached the level of comfort that some couples have only after a long time living together. You can say goodbye to fears or uncertainties, and it allows your relationship to develop in a harmonious way.

Warning: Be prepared to lose your friend if things don’t go how you planned. Plan the reveal carefully and remember that you may not be seeing all the potential problems that could entail dating your friend because you have only seen them through the rosy, friendship filter. The romantic-partner filter is a bit more complicated. Sex really changes a friendship, and if it doesn’t work out then you risk losing them forever, but if you think the reward is worth the risk, then shoot your shot.

Change your mind about dating your friend but still need a boost in your dating and sex life? Why not sign up for a new dating site to see who else is (or isn’t) out there? With so many new dating sites and apps out there, how do you choose one? 

Make sure you read 6 things to look for in a new dating site to help you narrow the field! 

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This article originally appeared on ElyShouldKnow

 

Sex Writing: How to Write Naughty Dialogue

sexy dialogue

The Art of Writing Dirty Dialogue for Erotica Writers

What somebody says can be just as interesting and downright disgustingly perverted (in a good way) as what they do. Or so I try to write in my fiction. Sure, there are those scenes where I have two or more people baring their pink parts for various tickles, touches, and teasing, in complete silence… save a moan or two. But lots of times, my characters talk a good bunch of the naughty before they get down, especially when one character is doming another and might want to mentally tease and taunt well before they do so physically.

So, writing naughty dialogue is very important to bring your characters to life and add a bit of sizzling foreplay to your scenes.

How to Write Naughty Dialogue

How do you do it then?

IDF-ingK!

Ok, that’s not true. I do know. But as with everything else I have imparted so far in this series, how you write a few lines of back-and-forth banter or a long single-character diatribe should come organically from the scene you set up and how you believe your characters might sound.

Sure, there are those instances where somebody might be enacting a little role-play and therefore speaking in a manner they usually don’t (baby talk, stern master or mistress, maybe even with an accent they don’t actually have). But, as you do with all of your erotica, you should be searching for truth in your words, be they dialogue or description.

When a character opens their mouth, they should sound like themselves or the selves you have established along the way. Unless they are possessed or schizophrenic… or again, playing a role.

Masters of Written Word

One of the masters of the written word, Steven King (no slouch in the old writing department) makes a mention in his book On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft that he’s as cautious of the overuse of adjectives as he is with the ‘he said,’ ‘she moaned,’ ‘he admitted,’ kind of dialogue descriptors. He does have a point. That extra stuff added at the end of some dialogue can slow it down. I think once you have established who is speaking to who, then you can probably let go of the ‘he/she said’ stuff unless a character is doing something specific when speaking that you want to have your audience ‘hear.’

“So, you admit you’ve been a bad boy,” Juanita said, giving Tom’s tight testicles another flick with her belt.

That kind of a thing.

Dialoging Sounds

I have gone whole pages with just dialogue written, nothing else. I am also fond of letting loose with a “SMACK” or a “TITPAT” to describe the sounds a paddle makes on a pair of bare buttocks or just the drumming of fingers across the inside of a thigh. So, you might come to want to create dialogue as much as sound, and we all know, with erotica, there are many options for sound.

I mentioned the fantastic writer Roger Zelazny a few columns back and his masterful ability for writing dialogue so economically, but at the same time so chock-full of a character’s voice, I came to know the men and women who populate Zelazny’s infamous Amber Chronicles as much by their actions as from their repartee.

You can aspire to be as good as Zelazny, but good luck getting to his level… or Steven King, for that matter. These dudes are masters of the craft.

Do What You Do Best

Lastly, you don’t have to write dialogue at all. What you scribble forth is your baby, birth and nurture it the way you see fit. Or your dialogue could just be to get you from one heavy humping scene to another and not be all that interesting or informative.

It is all up to you. I am just saying if you feel dialogue is right for a particular story you are writing, stay true to the characters. Try to listen to how they speak (you can even read the dialogue out loud if you want, sometimes hearing it helps to determine its authenticity to your ears) and don’t get mired in having to hold your reader’s hand every step of the way with who is saying what when.

Beefcake Porn for Women: The Final Frontier for Feminist Porn

A few months ago, I was watching an old episode of The Phil Donahue Show that centered around the subject of adult entertainment. The show’s featured guests included the amazing screen goddesses Hyapatia Lee and Nina Hartley–both of whom spoke with grace and articulance about the emerging role of women as directors, writers and empowered actresses in XXX. One of the films discussed was Hartley’s comedy Debbie Does Dishes.

At one point in the show, a minor but audible commotion arose in the back of the studio as two female audience members rose to their feet.

“Why can’t it ever be Dave Does Dishes?” one woman asked. “Men are there in the movies, but they’re not highlighted.”

“Where are the men sex stars?” another demanded.

More than 30 years later, I as an erotica author, content creator and Feminist Sexpert have a definitive answer for these ladies.

“Your guess is as blasted good as mine.”

For while women have come so far in the adult industry, not only appearing in but writing and directing top quality couples features, I still believe that there remains a single unconquered territory in the vast world of femme porn: Beefcake porn for women.

If you visit the amazing website Hot Movies for Her, you will find many woman-positive movies. What you won’t find is a single DVD cover that features a pouty, barechested, smoky-eyed hunk ready to seduce his prospective female audience.

“But MEG!” You might be sighing at this point. “Women are different. They’re not as visual.”

Ah, but what do you find on the covers of romance novels geared toward women–including my own? That’s right!  A pouty, barechested, smoky-eyed hunk ready to seduce his prospective female audience.

In addition, male revues for women–including Chippendales, La Bare, Hollywood Men, Thunder Down Under, etc.–draw packed to capacity crowds. 

Yet in the realm of adult films, hardcore movies that feature male stars and male solo covers are overwhelmingly directed toward a gay male audience. And believe me, women notice.

As the onetime administrator of Fempower, a feminist porn blog, I proudly ran lists of winners for the Feminist Porn Awards each year. I also fielded responses from women asking why so many of the winners were lesbian titles, or straight films that still showcased the visual appeal of their female stars.

“If these films are made for women,” one reader wrote. “Why are we still looking at naked women?”

Of course these films deserve recognition; and, after all, it’s tough to honor films that pretty much don’t exist.

Or do they? Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as beefcake porn for women–it’s just that the titles are few and far between.

If anything, the softcore sphere has done a much better job of serving up beefcake for female viewers. The early 1990s brought us softcore classics like Cabin Fever, an older woman/younger man romance directed by Deborah Shames and starring Judd Dunning and Belinda Farrell. And of particular note is The Love Scenes series, a sumptuous set of four films that featured Playgirl models, male exotic dancers and beefcake models in extended softcore love scenes (hence the title) with women. The scenarios are an exercise in the concept, “Turnabout Is Fore Play,” depicting female photographers with male models, male strippers performing for a female audience of one, actors “auditioning” for female directors, etc.

Even mainstream features like American Gigolo and Thief of Hearts offered stories and visuals that aimed to satisfy female viewers.

Back in the hardcore realm, 1995’s The Fuckingdales On Tour starred gorgeous Australian adult star Gerry Pike (himself an ex-stripper) and chronicled the erotic adventures of a male revue as they entertained female groupies, in more ways than one. In 1987, the top male porn stars of the era made up the cast of The Touchables, about a male bordello for women. In 1986, Club Exotica claimed a male exotic dance club as its setting.

In the early 2000s, the adult industry seemed to be headed in the right direction, thanks to Playgirl and Inpulse studios. (Full disclosure: I worked for Playgirl and wrote the back cover copy for their Erotic Encounters and Private Pleasures DVDs–go, me!) Both studios flipped the script in brilliant fashion, showcasing its male talent on its covers and releasing showcase titles featuring major porn studs (Jean Val Jean and Niko for Playgirl, Julian and Evan Stone for Inpulse). And Playgirl titles were directed exclusively by women, including my friend and mentor Kelly Holland.

 

 

 

 

Adam and Eve released a gem in 2000 with Hardbound, in which Hartley starred with the gorgeous Dale Dabone in an adult romantic comedy advertised in Playgirl with the use of Dabone’s picture. In 2003, Candida Royalle’s Stud Hunters centered around a female director’s search for the perfect porn stud.

An interesting case is presented in the form of 2002’s For Women Only, part one. Directed by Cameron Rose, this is a sexy and romantic vignette film that explores women’s fantasies. It’s an excellent erotic film in itself, but also calls attention to the issue at hand in the form of its DVD cover–which features a buncha naked women.

“Many of us female viewers have long wondered why the front covers rarely include photographs of men, or at the very least, photographs of partners which display the men as prominently as the women,” wrote reviewer YogaGrrl in her review for the film at Adult DVD Talk (1). Still she said the film pleased her inner goddess–and that goes ditto for me.

The fab Anna Span brought us Be My Boy Toy in 2010. In 2011, the amazing feminist adult filmmaker Petra Joy gave us The Female Voyeur, all about men performing to the satisfaction of women. In 2014, the awesome Ms. Naughty’s The Fantasy Project brought us a Clothed Female Naked Male cover and a rich, hot exploration of female fantasies. Erika Lust has made several contributions to this favored porn genre of mine.

And from the early to mid 2000s, director/actress Tina Tyler gave us a hand with The Handyman series, which featured hot male solo scenes for women. Then in 2015, Wicked released a hardcore parody of Magic Mike XXL, Magic Mike XXXL (see what they did there, Folks?). Lately, though, it seems to me that even films directed at women seem to boast females in lingerie on the DVD covers–and often in ropes or ties, which I have a lot to say about, as well. But that’s another blog.

For now, I say that the feminist porn oeuvre is not complete without some steamy hot servings of beefcake. What do you say, Ladies?

Also, a memo to the adult industry: Dave Does Dishes. Make it happen!

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  1. https://www.adultdvdtalk.com/review/for-women-only-1-girls-on-guys

 

Robots: Future of Sex?!

Is sex with robots the future of the sex industry? Sex with a robot is a social trend these days, the popularity of which has a clear exponentially growing curve. Already we are seeing robotic companions help us in various areas of life. What can be expected in the future, will sexbots replace interpersonal and sexual relationships?

Article content:

 

The growing interest in sex with robots

According to the American show Nightline, up to 25% of American men are interested in a relationship with a sex robot in the foreseeable future. According to The Independent, up to 52% of German men would like to interact with a sex robot. In the UK it is up to 47%.

Many residents do not yet have a clear opinion on sex robots, however the idea of ​​using them is tempting. Sexbots can also offer a number of other functions than just sexual games.

Modern sexbots provide not only sex, but also communication, a selection of characteristics, and expressions of emotion.

So to some extent you can replace your partner. However, the question remains to what level these modern sophisticated machines will remain just another alternative to sex or a complete replacement.

Possible spice up of sex life

Sex doll Rebecca © Naughty Harbor

According to sexologist Mr. Zlatko Pastor, sexbots will be used as often and in the same way as vibrators in 50 years. Human sexuality is constantly evolving and is shaped more by the psychosocial setting of society than by biology itself.

What is considered normal by society today may not be normal in 20 years. In a few decades time, sex with a robot should not be something seen as abnormal, but rather quite common. Virtual sex with cyber bots (or avatars) is a new trend now and is growing in popularity.

Of course, this will not be a completely affordable matter, as the price of a single sex robot is based on an average of 2,000 €. With the development of artificial intelligence and overall construction, sexbots will be so similar to humans that they will be indistinguishable in places.

Already today, there are high-quality forms of silicone, which after subsequent texturing can create a believable imitation of human skin. It is speculated that our artificial companions will soon have a heating system to mimic the heat of the human body.

People simply like to try new things, and the emergence of various erotic aids over time is proof of that. However, sexuality is now moving more into virtual space, which provides a number of benefits.

The clear advantages of sexbots include their ability to be optimized and set up exactly according to our needs and wishes. The risks of contracting sexually transmitted diseases are zero, this is something new that the company is just forming an opinion on.

Let’s look at a few examples in a world where a virtual relationship or sex with a robot is quite common.

Welcome to Japan!

Japan, a country of incredible technological progress and productivity, and at the same time the country with the lowest birth rate in the world. A country where a woman must arrange her pregnancy with her employer in advance.

This is how Japan can be briefly described. According to co-founder of the Stanford Laboratory for Research on Human Behavior in the Virtual World, Jeremy Baileson, the state of Japan is outside the table of common Western countries.

According to the very renowned portal The Guardian, 70% of Japanese men and 75% of Japanese women, under the age of 20, are without any sexual experience.

Furthermore, between the ages of 20 and 29, 30% of single women and 15% of single men are in love with virtual mems or anime characters. For these people, there is already a Japanese term “moe” – a person in a virtual relationship.

With its culture and social setting, Japan can give us an example of where things can go. As a tourist, you can visit a number of erotic businesses, which have robotic sexual services.

However, it is worth noting that the reduced interest in partner sex and relationships in Japan is created by a strict approach to work rather than a high offer of virtual and robotic sexual services.

The Japanese working lifestyle is incredibly long and the people live under permanent stress, which in itself does not create much room for relationship building and sexual intercourse. Can such a sexbot be used in other ways, for example for medical purposes?

Sexbot as a safe therapeutic aid

Many people have negative sexual experiences. In many sexological therapies, various aids are used to reopen the patient’s sexuality, thanks to which people are able to return to an enjoyable sexual life.

Today, such therapeutic aids  include vibrators, dildos and mirrors for example. Sexbots, thanks to their almost unrecognizable imitation of humans, can be one of the best aids in sexual therapies.

In addition to resembling the human body, sex robots can also offer human-like behavior and movements. They can be optimized for the patient’s needs and there is no risk of incompatibility as well as many other benefits.

Should we be excited?

Sex doll Vivian © Naughty Harbor

Not only for therapeutic reasons, the demand for their use is growing worldwide. The production and improvement of sex robots is on the rise and we can expect their usage around the globe to increase in the future.

Unlike in Japan, sex doll usage is seen as more of a way to spice up ones sex life instead of something that can be used as a partner substitute.

We are seeing more common realistic sex doll usage however, and its only a matter of time before they are integrated into society on a much wider scale.

 

The Girls’ Guide to Initiating Sex

A couple of Saturdays ago, we spent part of the afternoon sitting on the couch listening to a webcast for an online class my lover is taking. William Faulkner’s Light in August made for both spicy subject matter and a deeply academic and analytical lecture.

When the webcast was over, my lover leaned back into his corner of the sofa with one leg splayed on the sofa cushions and the other flailing on the floor in a post-lecture/post-brunch semi coma. I took the opportunity to unbuckle his belt, slide down his boxers and his slacks, and gave him quite a delicious blow job. I didn’t ask if he wanted one and he didn’t object.

Often times it’s hard to know which one of us initiates sex. It really doesn’t matter. We both seem to know when the time is right. But like most men, he loves it when I initiate sex.

I know that many women are hesitant to initiate sex. They’re afraid that their lovers, boyfriends or husbands will question their morals or character, but men want to know that they’re attractive, lusted after, and desired, too. They also want to feel that seduction isn’t always their job.

The simple gesture of pulling him by the hand and telling him, “Let’s go upstairs,” will always work, but there are other more creative ways of letting him know that you want him.

Here are a few sassy and classy ideas to try …

Text Him

Send him a message while he’s at work or somewhere not nearby and type, “I want you.” Depending on your guy, a message like, “I want you to fuck my brains out,” works, too. To amp up the urgency, send him a text at a most inopportune time like when he’s at a meeting. As soon as he comes over, he’ll be ready.

Be Fierce

As soon as he walks into the door, grab him by the shirt collar, nail him against the nearest wall, press your body against his, and kiss him hard. Chances are, you’ll feel him get hard in an instant.

Tell Him What You’re Wearing (or Not Wearing)

Let’s say the two of you are out to dinner. After the first cocktail (or whenever you feel is an appropriate time), lean across the table and whisper, “Guess what? I’m not wearing panties.” I guarantee that you’ll both want to skip dessert.

Play Footsies

This is a favorite of mine. I don’t know why, but my lover gets the message, even if he can’t show or say “Yes, yes, YES!” in public (like in a restaurant). The last time I did this, we were sitting on the balcony while he was puffing on what likes to call his seegar and I on an after-dinner cocktail. When I noticed that he was getting toward the end of his cigar, I slipped off my shoe, snuck my bare foot under the hem of his slacks, and slid it up and down the back of his thigh. It set a rather tantric mode for the sex that ensued right after, although I think we were both already in that state of mind.

Try the Cliched

For years there have versions of a list of ways a man has to get a woman in the mood for sex. At the end of the list, there’s a one-line instruction of what a woman has to do to turn on a man: Show up naked and bring beer. I’m sure the beer is optional. If it isn’t, stick it in the fridge so it stays cold while the both of you are hot.

If you don’t want to show up naked, I’m sure showing up in sexy lingerie will work, too.

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Previously published at- http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/the-ladies-guide-to-initiating-sex/

Spanking: A Hands-on Tutorial

(Note: This post is written from a straight submissive woman’s perspective. I also prefer to use pronouns consistently in my writing. I in no way infer or suggest that there’s anything wrong with submissive men or bi, lesbian, gay, trans or omni sex; I honestly can’t speak from those experiences. My only intention is to provide safe, sane and responsible sex-positive information.)

Unless you’re a die-hard masochist or pain slut, the sexual intent of spanking isn’t just about pain. A little sting on the behind or the back of the legs is like taking in a good sweet and sour soup at a Chinese restaurant – it’s an unexpected intense sensation. When it’s done right, a spankee’s mind will blur between pleasure and pain.

Before You Begin

Before you lay a hand on your partner, talk about spanking. Talk about your spankee’s experience (or non-experience) with spanking. Ask about her about her likes and dislikes and what her pain thresholds are. If you’ve never spanked during sexual play, let your partner know and take things slow. Use and honor “Slow down,” “No,” “Stop” and safe words. (Sometimes safe words, or words other than “No” and “Stop” don’t come easy when a spankee’s sexually charged, orgasmic or in extreme pain.)

Warm Up

The last thing you want to do is start off by wailing on your sub or partner’s ass, especially with no preparation or notice. Think of that approach as the equivalent of getting rammed in the ass with no lube. Gently stroking the tush and the back of the upper legs with your hand makes the spankee feel cared for and gets the blood flow going. Making your sub/partner feel relaxed and subdued is elemental in building trust for how things will ensue.

Start off Slow

Once your partner falls into a comfort zone, give a quick smack. At the beginning, use more soft touches than spanks. It’s even better when your soft touches and spanks are unpredictable. The unexpected is key to the yin-yang/pain-pleasure mind fuck. Gradually build up the intensity and frequency of your spanks.

A Hands-on Tutorial

There’s definitely a technique to taking a hand to the bum. Don’t make hard contact by striking through the tissue. That’s a sure way to bruise. Snap at the meatier parts of her ass or back of her legs and pull back quickly. Flick your wrist as if you’re cracking a whip.

Also, hold your hands in different ways. Cupping your hand with your fingers together gives the effect of a spanking but also has a bit of a caress to it. Using a flat palm with your fingers apart will have more of an impact. Giving quick whacks with a flat palm with your fingers together will definitely leave a sting, a red mark, and definitely a louder smack.

Don’t think of spanking as just smacking. After all, this isn’t the kind of  spanking you got as a kid. Swat your fingers up or back and forth like a whisking a broom. Use one or both sides of your hands and fingers.

Don’t spank the same spot over and over. Alternate between cheeks and try the hips, sides of her butt, or the bottom back of her legs. A little and more gentle swat to the pussy can leave a delightful jolt, too.

Mix Things Up

Spanking isn’t just all about the ass, although anal play while you’re spanking is fun if your partner’s into that. Alternate between spanking and pussy play either with your fingers, dildo or vibrator. Reach around and grab or caress some boobage. Tweak or pinch a nipple while you’re giving her ass the soft touch treatment.

Getting Heavy Handed

When your spankee’s breathing starts getting heavier or if she’s getting pre-orgasmic, this is the time to step things up in intensity. Let her sounds and movements guide you. If an “Ouch!” is immediately followed by an “Oooh, yeah,” you’re doing things right.

Never be afraid to ask how your partner is feeling. Sometimes spankees won’t say they’re hurting because they think there’s some kind of expectation to endure pain in order to earn pleasure. If your partner is into that kind of game, at least tease her by giving her teasing touches near her pussy – the insides of her thighs, the crook between her leg and her groin. Gliding your finger tip along the top of her ass crack to the small of her back will send tingles and shivers throughout her body and down to her very core. Daring her to come while she’s getting spanked can be a hot dynamic.

Some good, hard spanks while you’re in the middle of hardcore fucking can definitely be in order. A swift whack will usually make her vaginal walls clamp around your cock and give her an orgasmic jolt. Again, monitor her response. If she’s really hurting (and chances she won’t be if you’re doing it right), it’s going to kill her mood and you’ll both lose out.

By all means, I don’t mean to suggest that you have to spank or be spanked from foreplay to orgasm. Just like any other sex play, do what feels good and fits the mood. Don’t be surprised if the person doing the spanking will decide when he’s had enough. His hand is getting a work-over, too, or he might want to put them elsewhere.

Afterglow and Aftercare

After all is done, bask in the tenderness of afterglow. Make your partner feel cared for, loved and pampered. Talk about what happened. Don’t be surprised if she wigs out a bit after coming down or even the next day. This is common. Some call it sub-drop or post-coital tristesse (read more about this in Ms. Q & A: Why do I Cry After Sex?). It can be brought on by the polar extreme sensations, a crisis of conscience, or a fear that she’s not truly valued or respected. Assure her that she is by both your words and actions, especially if words like slut, whore and cunt are used during play.

If you’re a conflicted spanker or don’t feel like it’s in your nature, tell her. Respecting limits goes both ways, and extreme and kinky sex doesn’t always mean better sex.

Be sure to follow up in the following days. Check for bruising, marks, and welts. Some gals like a little reminder of a stinging bottom or a warm red mark for a day or so, but if it lasts more than 24 hours or if it’s really painful to sit, take it as a signal to take things easier the next time. A little bruising might occur and she might be OK with her, but blotches of black and blue on her backside are not. Even if she didn’t say “Stop,” “Slow Down,” or use a safe word, it may have been hard for her to judge her pain level if she was also feeling a lot of pleasure. Some medications can exacerbate bruising, too.

More, Please, Sir

If hand-iwork isn’t enough, you’ll most likely want to look into some toys and implements to extend the long arm of the law of great sex, but I’ll get into those in another post. I promise.

http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/spanking-done-right/

Dungeon Etiquette: How To Behave In A BDSM Playspace

Sure, things might be a tad … well, let’s call it what it is: scary right now, but we homo sapiens are quite the durable species and before you know it we’ll be all exiting our virus-induced isolation and once again be getting together for all kinds of group social interactions.

Including those, of course, of the sexual … and particularly kinky variety.

But whether it’s your first-time visit to your local BDSM party space or deciding to dip your leather or latex-clad toes into attending a kinky event you should be familiar with the etiquette of the scene: in short, how to behave yourself.

Before I get into that, though, I want to take a brief detour to explain why this is so important.  Absolutely, being the best person you can be—polite, respectful, conscientious, and all that—is never a bad idea but in the BDSM world that’s even more important as the community prides itself on being quite good at self-policing.

While far from perfect, they actually do a pretty good job at it, too: calling out bad behavior and individuals both because they reflect purely on the community as a whole but more importantly because not to do so could put kinksters at risk—emotionally as well as physically.

Sound scary—particularly for newcomers?  Well, kind of, but only in the best way as it’s in place for those extremely good reasons.  But while you might be a bit nervous venturing into your first public dungeon or playspace don’t fret too much as being on your best behavior is actually quite easy.

To begin with, be upfront and direct about your kink experience level—or lack of one.  There’s nothing ever wrong with telling people that you are new to this whole BDSM thing and, most of all, you are willing to listen and learn.  What is wrong is pretending to be skilled when you aren’t or, worse yet, trying to hide ignorance behind an arrogant disguise.

A perfect example of this is wearing your dominant or submissive role outside of play.  Until a scene actually starts, publicly or privately, everything beforehand should be done on nothing but an equal power level to make communication, and especially negotiation, as easy and comprehensive as possible: so, leave your persona at home until you actually get an opportunity to play and beforehand just be yourself.

Confused?  Well, don’t be because the whole point of this is that if you don’t know something, or don’t know how to act appropriately, say so.  Folks in the scene often love nothing better than to take a new person under their kinky wing and show them the ropes … and chains, and whips, and etc.

In fact, I personally recommend making some kinky friends who are familiar with the scene and how it operates before venturing into public play.  That way, you can have someone there to help you out and also give you their own take on how to act appropriately.

While many dungeons and the like have their own unique rules, most of them have a few standards they ask their members to adhere to.  The biggest of these has to be that you should never touch anyone, or anything, without clear permission to do so.  This means no hugs, casual touches, or anything else involving contact without a clear sign that it’s okay.

And if you do accidentally touch someone or something then immediately apologize.  Consent in the BDSM community is huge and if you can’t accept that, then you have no place in the community.

Also do try to at least dress for the part when you attend an event.  No, I don’t mean the $5,000 leather outfit you’ve been itching to try out but don’t, for instance, show up in jeans and a t-shirt.  Black, even if it’s just a simple top and a good pair of pants or skirt, is perfectly fine.

Another common faux pa newcomers commit when visiting a playspace is to wander through the play area and/or disrupt the scenes that are going on.  While it is perfectly fine to take a brief stroll through the space to check it out, do not linger or come to close to anything happening.  Similarly, speak no louder than a whisper—if you have to say something at all.  Respect, again, is the watchword here: and lacking it could get you either sneered at or even kicked out of the space.

It’s also worth mentioning that you should leave your phone at home though if you have to have it nearby turn it off or mute it—and never check it while in the space.

This brings up another important point: one of privacy.  Many people have to keep their BDSM activities out of their public lives and because of it the scene completely respects everyone’s right to privacy.  This means that what you see at a party stays at a party and should never be discussed afterward unless it’s with someone who was also there.  This is also extremely true should you encounter a person in “civilian” life you saw at an event: keep your yap shut.

Back to personal recommendations, I strongly suggest that if you are interested in public BDSM play you take things nice and slow: don’t come to your first event or space and expect to play but rather just to scope things out and get the lay of the land and, by all means, come with your kinky support friend who could help show you how things are done.

via GIPHY

Then, once you’ve got a handle on how things are done, you can think about actually getting into your own scene sometime.  Libidos can definitely get into overdrive during your first outing but try to always keep in mind that there will be other events, other parties, other dungeons, and other opportunities to play unless, of course, you get over-eager and do something really stupid so the BDSM community door gets slammed in your face.

Summing up: there’s nothing wrong with being a newbie to the scene and it’s far better to be open about that than trying to be someone you are not.  So ask polite and respectful questions, try your best to be kind and conscientious, listen when people give you advice and when you make a mistake, which everyone will do at one time or another, don’t get defensive or argumentative but instead sincerely apologize to those involved and, best of all, learn your lesson and move on.

Do this and the gates to the BDSM community will open wide and welcome you in with open arms: for parties, events, play spaces, and dungeons but, best of all, for the really fun adventures that often lay in more private areas.

Sexpert Panel: Open Relationships: Understanding Polyamory, Monogamish & Unicorns

By Dr. Ava Cadell

Did you know that there’s a spike in Open Relationships and Polyamorous Marriage?

Much of it may be due to the Covid quarantine, as couples are calling it quits after spending so much time together that they’re getting on each other’s nerves. Even newlyweds are separating, but there’s a new alternative approach that’s becoming popular and that is adding a consensual person or people to your relationship.

This event has passed, but you can watch the replay below.

I will be moderating this esteemed panel of Sexperts and taking questions from viewers, so think about what you would like to ask on the topic.

When you register, you will also automatically get put into our raffle for free gifts, like an adult toy basket from Lelo and you will get a link to a fabulous yoga video donated by Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce. She is a Clinical Sexologist and Yoga Therapist with a Degree in Nursing. Her background as a registered nurse, health educator, sex & relationship author, radio talk show host and yoga therapist all enhance her passion as an International speaker and sensuality educator. Dr. Nancy’s counseling practice includes giving guidance and advice to singles for dating in a socially distanced world. Dr Nancy also hosts Exotic Lifestyle Retreats, intimacy oasis at Hedonism Jamaica, where she teaches couples about Conscious Living Sexuality, promoting good communication so that you can share your wants and desires with your partner and enjoy a healthy connection together. If cruising is more your style, you can join Dr. Nancy on a Bliss Cruise for adults.You can join Dr. Nancy for her upcoming event in Jamaica for singles and couples at 26th https://drnsp.com/exotic-lifestyle-retreats/

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff will share her vast knowledge an Academic & Legal Expert on Polyamorous Families with Children. Dr. “Eli” Sheff is a researcher, expert witness, coach, speaker, and educational consultant. With a PhD in Sociology (University of Colorado, Boulder, 2005) and certification as a Sexuality Educator from the AASECT (the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, 2012), Dr. Sheff specializes in gender and sexual minority families, consensual non-monogamy, and kink/BDSM. Sheff is the foremost academic expert on polyamorous families with children, and her 20+ year Polyamorous Family Study is the only longitudinal study of poly families with children to date. Currently lecturing at the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga, Sheff has also taught at the University of Colorado, University of Montana, Georgia State University, Oglethorpe, Emory, and the University of Zurich.  In her book, When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous, she describes the personality of people who are best suited for Open Relationships and on the panel, she will share her bonding project survey to find out if you are a good candidate for an Open Relationship https://www.bondingproject.com/. Dr. Eli is a prolific writer and speaker, so check out her website.

Carol & David, Radio Hosts of The Sexy Lifestyle

Carol and David are the hosts of The Sexy Lifestyle on VoiceAmerica radio, a leading provider of Internet talk radio. Each week Carol and David, A fun-loving swinger couple, share their own personal experiences with sex, love and marriage. Their show aims to help listeners have stronger, more meaningful relationships through clear communication, pushing boundaries, exploring limits, and fulfilling fantasies. Through uncensored and honest discussions about great sex, passion, and intimacy, gain insight into a sex-positive and female-centric view of the modern-day couple. The show airs every Thursday at 4pm PT on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. Tune in for their sex tips, wild stories, and live call-in advice about living a happy, healthy, and horny life! They will give us insight on how their Swinging has improved communication, boundaries and sex in their relationship. They are also giving away a free gift of their Tom Waterproof Blanket to one lucky raffle winner.

Dr. Carol Queen is an Award-winning author, activist and sex educator with a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, Carol Queen has been a part of Good Vibrations since 1990. She currently serves as both Staff Sexologist and Chief Cultural Officer. Queen curates Good Vibrations’ Antique Vibrator Museum. In 1975, Carol Queen co-founded GAYouth, one of the first LGBT youth organizations in America. In 2000, she became the Founding Director of the Center for Sex & Culture, a non-profit organization that provides sex-positive educational classes, as well as a sexuality library and archive accessible to the public. As a presenter, she is offering Sex Positivity classes at https://renegadeuniversity.com/product/sex-positivity/. She is also the author of eleven books.

Erika Jordan is a Certified Love and Relationship Coach, author, media personality and leader in the field of Digital Romance and Online Dating. Well known as a personal trainer for dating, she helps men and women maneuver through the ups and downs of dating and helps them find the love of their lives. Erika has created a renowned 6-week course, entitled The Art of PickUp, designed to help men acquire the skills to approach women with confidence. Erika hosted a show for Playboy TV called, ‘Totally Busted’ and she has had starring roles in various movies on SyFy, HBO, Cinemax. Erika is giving away her 6-week Dating Course for Men, The Art of Pickup. http://erikajordan.net/ and you can listen to her podcast here.

Tamara Bell who was one of the first Loveology University graduates in 2008, is now the Student Ambassador & Mentor for LoveUniv.com ready to help coach you to a successful career! Tamara is also a master networker and an industry leader helping grow positive businesses. She founded The Home Pleasure Party Plan Association (HPPPA) in January 2005 to establish a network between pleasure party company owners, distributors and manufacturers. Tamara said, “Our goal is to be one voice to our distributors and manufacturers and continue to be viewed as a strong entity in this growing industry.”  Now a Certified Loveologist & Love Coach working with couples, singles and business owners in developing positive relationship enhancement techniques, Tamara is loved and admired by all who work with her. Her website is https://ladytcoaching.com/ and she hosts a Podcast with LU graduate, Viloshni Moodley, called Real, Raw & Uncut on YouTube.

Please don’t hate me, Grammarly, but I really don’t give a f***

Image by AxxLC from Pixabay

I just hit a “Centenary Superhero” milestone with Grammarly (don’t worry, I didn’t know what it was either). In using the basic grammar program, which I do indeed recommend, I get reports on my writing from the company all the time. In addition to this new milestone, I am presently 82% more productive, 29% more accurate, and use 93% more unique words than the rest of Grammarly’s users.

Well, whoopie for me, huh?

Actually, between you and I, I don’t rightly give a rat’s dingus. If I could stop Grammarly’s insidious checking in and reporting on me, I would. I don’t need their tickling of my taint. I don’t rightly care how I measure up against others. I don’t even want to keep score on what I’ve managed to do.

This writing thing, penning naughty words, and mainstream stuff, is my livelihood. I am not in a competition or along for the ride of social media approbation. Sure, I want an audience. Sure, I love it when people connect with a story or come back to me and tell me how something they read of mine gave them a nice warm feeling (just as long as I don’t have to help them wipe up). And I especially like when I give forth on a class of would-be writers, as my buddy and fellow writer M. Christian and I have done on a few occasions at the kink conventions we have presented at… and hopefully will present at again with all this COVID b.s. is over. But I don’t care a whit about the opinion of some algorithm.

This Grammarly update speaks to a more significant dilemma of our modern world, and one I shan’t really dive into here. But generally, because of social media infecting our lives as it has (or more precisely how we have infected ourselves with it), people find it very hard to do anything without a response. People sign-up for exercise programs and eat well campaigns, enjoy Zoom instructions, pretty much get together across digital platforms consistently.

Sure, I’ll give you the pandemic. I know that has pushed us into isolation more than anything we have ever experienced on the planet. But why do we need confirmation so bad, the return tweet, and the ‘like,’ the fellow dieters? And why would Grammarly think I’d give a… well… a rat’s dingus, that I surpassed one of their milestones?

I’m too busy writing, which you should be too!

Endometriosis and Sexual Health

Photo by Sora Shimazaki from Pexels

March is Endometriosis Month.

Endometriosis is when the uterine inner lining develops outside the uterus. Endometriosis affects your sexual life.  Sex can become extremely painful.  But let me tell you, you may have to go through hella testing before it is appropriately diagnosed.  Delightfully we have a month dedicated to bringing awareness around endometriosis. The pain felt from the disease can be severe, especially during your cycle and sex.

The thicken lining breaks down and bleeds with each menstrual cycle, however the excess tissue has no way to exit the body.  It grows and spreads and can affect the ovaries. Scar tissue and adhesions cause pelvic tissue and organs to stick to each other. Untreated, eventually you will experience fertility issues.  Because there is limited information about the disease, we do know that doctors are quick to suggest a version of a hysterectomy to rectify the matter.

This is a very common issue among vulva owners. The bladder and intestines can develop complications as well.  Treatment is a necessity; it will not go away on its own.  Vulva owners between 18 and 35 are most susceptible.

What Are the Signs of Endometriosis?

What signs are you looking for to help you suspect endometriosis? Each of us is different so watch for what you know does not feel right for your body.

Some symptoms include:

  • Experience painful periods (dysmenorrhea)
  • Pelvic pain and cramping that begin before and goes several days into your cycle
  • Lower back and stomach pain
  • Suddenly start to experience pain during sex
  • A huge sign is excessive bleeding
  • Infertility and fertility issues
  • Other symptoms may include fatigue, diarrhea, constipation, bloating and nausea, especially during menstrual periods.

Sometimes, endometriosis is first diagnosed when you seek treatment for infertility.  Many times, vulva owners find it hard to conceive, and this could be because of the thickening of the lining that prevents an egg from uniting with the sperm. Something to keep in mind is that endometriosis is sometimes mistaken for other conditions that can cause pelvic pain, such as pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) or ovarian cysts. It may be confused with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), a condition that causes bouts of diarrhea, constipation, and abdominal cramping.

When to Seek Treatment

So, when should you see a doctor? Immediately, when you feel that your cycle is not ‘right”, and pain is severe enough to disrupt your daily activities.  The sooner you seek a doctor’s care, the better your chances of beating the disease. An early diagnosis by a multidisciplinary medical team will result in great management of your symptoms and to develop a game plan to treat the disease.

What Causes Endometriosis?

You may be thinking what causes endometriosis?  While it is not certain, there are a few explanations such as retrograde menstruation.  This is when menstrual blood flows back through the fallopian tubes and into the pelvic cavity. Transformation of peritoneal cells suggest that hormones or immune factor’s promote transformation of peritoneal cells that line the inner side of the abdomen.  The transformation of embryonic cells such as estrogen may transform embryonic cells into endometrial like cells during puberty. After a surgery, surgical scar implantation can cause cells to attach to the surgical incision. The lymphatic system may transport endometrial cells to other parts of the body known as endometrial cell transport.

Other Risk Factors

Finally, an immune system disorder may make the body unable to recognize and destroy endometrial like tissue that grows outside the uterus. Bear with me as I list risk factors. If you know them, you can better manage your health.

Things like:

  • Never giving birth
  • Going through menopause at an older age
  • Short menstrual cycles
  • Starting your cycle at an early age
  • Heavy cycles that last longer than 7 days
  • Having higher levels of estrogen in your body
  • Low body mass index
  • And even having one or more relatives with endometriosis can be a risk factor for you.

Any medical condition that prevents the normal passage of your flow out of the body and lastly any reproductive tract abnormalities are all risk factors.

What Happens If I Go Untreated?

The dreaded diagnosis of cancer is a possibility if you leave endometriosis untreated. Ovarian cancer does occur at higher than expected rates in those with endometriosis. The more you know, the better.

Use this month to find out more about endometriosis. As a vulva owner, you should do what you can to protect yourself, as early detection can let you take control of this health issue that affects your sexual health.