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Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.
Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.
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Erika Jordan is back with another episode of the Playmate Pickup podcast. This week in honor of Masturbation May she dives right in with Masturbate Your Way To Greatness. Since this is Erika the stories will be revealing and all about masturbation. Erika includes news about the health benefits of masturbation. Also includes the tips you need to ensure your self love is all it can be.
Not every episode of self love needs to be a solo adventure. Let Erika Jordan guide you with The Ultimate Sex Game.
Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!
I rent a XXX feature in anticipation of seeing my favorite male porn hunks. Only to see their arms and elbows as they clasp and support the focal point of the scene: The woman.
It is very rare in porn that the male form is highlighted in any aspect. You still don’t see them on too many DVD covers, and their names always appear behind those of the actresses–if at all. Sometimes they don’t bother to choose male talent based on looks or charm, but simply on if they can last the duration of The Bohemian Rhapsody or thereabouts in the wood-wielding department.
We’ve all seen it, Ladies–and suffered through it. You’re watching a flick starring your favorite hunk and you think, “When is the camera going to focus on him? Oh wait a minute, the angle is changing, the lens is shifting in his general direction, yes yes ye–nope, denied. Urgghhh!”
Or you watch a flick starring your man’s favorite starlet–and when you take a good look at her possibly hygienically impaired co-star, you’re suddenly thanking every saint you know that the camera does not focus on him.
This first occurred to me when I developed my first porn crush, on Gerald Pike. Pike was an absolutely stunning ex-stripper and Playgirl model who appeared in at least 157 films, including my all-time favorite XXX romance, Immortal Desire.
Now just look at that man. He should be featured on the cover of, like, every erotic movie made, even those in which he does not appear. Plus he is Australian, and his deeply voiced accent is to die for! Yet of his 157-film oeuvre, he has appeared on only four DVD covers–Immortal Desire, Homo Erectus (in which he plays a caveman), The Fuckingdales and Reverse Gang Bang–in which he has one big ol’ sex scene with 10 women. And where was I on casting day?
He did appear in a starring vehicle, Sex Part One, in which he shows some real acting chops while portraying an actor trying to make it in Hollywood. But without knowing this, I walked right by the movie the first time I saw it at an adult video store, because (shocker) he did not appear on the cover. And he was the star. Any semblance of sense, this does not make.
With his looks and acting skill, Gerry Pike should have been the male Jenna Jameson–or, at the very least, the subject of his own spotlight DVDs. And if he had been female, he surely would have been.
I had much better luck with my second big crush and all-time fave, Jean Val Jean. A sweet, beautiful man with whom I had the pleasure of conversing during my time at PlaygirlTV. Playgirl had the good sense to showcase this stunner in a number of showcase titles–and on a number of classy box covers; as did several other studios that produced couples fare. Ah, but alas; Playgirl is gone, and Jean has retired–though he is now enjoying a fruitful mainstream career in movies and TV.
Along the same lines–has anyone heard of Damian Duke? This beautiful blond British dynamo appeared in specialty titles in the early 2000s. Arriving on the scene in his early 20s, Duke happily submitted to many a dominatrix in a number of his films. In others, he performed alongside BBW women and older ladies, always showing them the utmost respect and investing true passion in his performances. He retired much too quickly for the Feminist Sexpert’s taste–but perhaps with more money and acclaim, he would have stayed.
We find a most interesting case in Ryan Ryder, the Scottish pantomime actor who was fired from a production of Cinderella, where he was portraying Prince Charming, when it was discovered that he was making hardcore films.
If Ryder had been a female, a major porn studio would have cast him immediately in a XXX version of Cinderella. Instead the gorgeous Scot hunk appeared at first in motion pictures such as Big Tits in School and College Whores. Now, in a refreshing twist, he was eventually cast in fairy tale porn, playing Peter Pan in an Axel Braun film, and as a sexy superspy in Spyfall and a British lord in Down On Abby. And in 2015 came Ryan Ryder: Stud on Tour. Now that’s more like it!
On another positive note, more and more hot male stars–like my current faves and muses, Nathan Bronson, David Lee and Jay Smooth–are showing sexy photos and clips, along with custom vids, to ardent followers through OnlyFans accounts.
Photo @ https://twitter.com/Nathan_Bronson
Still and all, attractive male actors have yet to reign as stars in straight XXX stars. I have heard a good number of women voice my complaint–others even watch gay porn in an effort to 1. see men 2 see attractive men, even. And indeed, I have heard male talent say that they do gay porn, not because they like having sex with men, but because they make more money and get more attention by doing so.
What’s a woman to do? Well Ladies, for starters….
1. SOS–Support Our Studs. Support their Only Fans, write letters to porn studios requesting your guy’s presence in their films, follow them on social media, buy their pics and customs. For that matter…
2. Buy your porn. If you owned a sandwich shop, you probably wouldn’t appreciate someone just running into your store, grabbing a hot turkey with cheese, and running out the door without paying. How is your stud going to pay for his workout equipment and styling products, if you’re bootlegging his movies? Same difference.
3. Start fan pages for your faves, helping them spread their fame.
4. Write and direct your own films. But that’s a whole other blog…
Down with SES! Up (most literally) with SOS! Support Our Studs!
A take charge woman instructs her handsome lover on just how she’d like to be pleased. He more than willingly obliges her, catering to her innermost desires and fantasies as he goes down on her–all the while playing up to her as he indulges and satisfies her every need. You can see it all in the porn film….
Wait, wha? This is a porn film? Yep–there is actually an award-winning hardcore film that features no penetration, just lots of lady lovin’. It’s called Lip Service, and it’s the production of afterglow, a company “where women’s pleasure comes first.”
A woman- and couples-geared website that features tasteful sensual visuals, erotic stories, and films like the one mentioned above. This porn site….
Wait, wha? This is a porn site? Yep. It’s afterglow, the place where you can see Lip Service and other positive, couples-oriented films that educate as they entertain.
afterglow is the creation of entrepreneur Lilly Sparks, who considers afterglow her true and literal passion project.
“I was always a big fan of romance novels, where I could read about the sex I wanted to be having, but wasn’t,” she said. “I turned to porn, like many do, but didn’t find what I wanted.”
So Sparks decided to make her own porn.
“I envisioned porn that could inspire lovers,” she said. “Visual explorations that are sensitive, that show a holistic view of sex.”
Sparks and her team set out to create something different.
“We wanted to create a holistic view of sex,” said Sparks. “We wanted to take the stigma out of porn by producing ethical material.”
The result of this vision? afterglow.
“Founded in 2020 by entrepreneur Lilly Sparks, afterglow is the sex-positive, pleasure-focused platform and community shifting the adult media paradigm. Curating stories, igniting conversations and offering premium video and written content centered on sexual fulfillment, afterglow empowers everyone to become experts in their own pleasure,” read a related news release. “Paving the way for a future we want to live and star in, afterglow is an adult site for those 18+ with original, licensed content behind a paywall, and free sex-positive articles. Normalizing sex and porn in a modern world, afterglow is the sex resource we all need.”
“We make our talent feel comfortable,” she said. “They can say yes or no to anything. They can stop at any time and take breaks. And we have snacks for them.”
Something else The Feminist Sexpert likes: These films feature plenty of deep kissing and eye contact, and feature performers who really seem to dig each other.
Aside from producing their own XXX films, which also include the award-winning U Up? and Cravings starring alt porn stud Mickey Mod, and showcasing classy, elegantly appointed beauty films like Timeless Affairs 3, and more, as well as showcasing erotic fiction at their site, afterglow is eager to showcase classic erotic films such as their recently acquired creative inventory of Inpulse Pictures and Lennox Films. “The new deal will include distribution of eleven groundbreaking films produced by feminist trailblazer Nina Lennox,” read a related news release, “who famously set the standard of erotic cinema that caters to the fantasies of women and couples.”
“In seeking consultation for afterglow, I spoke to Nina Lennox,” said Sparks. “Her vision was so similar to mine, and she was so helpful.”
It was in fact the Inpulse/Lennox acquisition that first drew my attention to Afterglow. As a longtime fan and proponent of Inpulse/Lennox Films–some of my favorites include Erection Services starring Julian, about a male bordello for women, Anticipation, a star vehicle for Dale Dabone, and Snapshot starring Evan Stone, about hot male models seducing female photographers and crew members–I came to realize that there was literally nowhere online to purchase these titles, produced in the mid 2000s.
But now, Inpulse is back. And Afterglow is here. We lady porn fans have a lot to ‘anticipate.’
Afterglow has very kindly offered my no doubt incalculable fanbase at Feminist Sexpert headquarters a gift for a free 14 day membership….just signup at xoafterglow.com and use code FEMINISTSEXPERT. Thanks, Lilly!
In a University of Wisconsin survey, ¼ of penis owners could not find the clitoris on a diagram. Sadly, many clit owners could not identify it either.
Did you know that the nub we can see on the outside, covered by the vaginal lips, is the tip of the rest of the clitoris which can be up to 4 inches long internally? Not for nothing, but this information was found by a vulva owner.
In 1998 the Australian urologist Helen O’Connell and her team found that the clitoris was way more powerful than what previous research reported. It is these internal components that drives the level of sensitivity and pleasure the clit receives and the owner experiences.
The internal clitoris branches from the external clitoris into two legs with a bulbar wishbone shape around the front and sides of the vagina. It swells with blood during arousal and is very sensitive and can be stimulated through the front wall. This is why grinding feels so good.
The clitoris head is like the penis head, sensitive. You can stimulate the clitoris with your tongue, fingers, vibrator, or penis. Try soft confident touches first and take your cue from the owner. Sometimes its too sensitive to touch, sometimes a firm stroke is necessary. If your lover is not verbal about their pleasure, you can read their body language to determine what sort of pressure and pace to use. If they recoil, tense up suddenly, grimace or make a sound that is not pleasurable, it’s important to stop whatever you are doing and try something else. The clit can be painful at certain pressure levels, watch for those negative signs.
Signs to tell if they are enjoying what’s going on include a slow tensing of the arms, legs, and abs, if you notice them holding the tension, ask them to release and breath. This allows for a more intense orgasm. In addition, they will be groaning, moaning, or talking. They will pant and move their hips to receive pleasure exactly where and how they need it. Pay attention to this language and increase your pace as they proceed through the orgasm.
Stay with them through the end. Nothing sucks more than a lack luster orgasm. Suck the clitoris between your lips, press upward on the mound to engage the internal clitoris. Make sure the clit stays wet. Lube can be your best friend. Dental dams should be used as well.
The vagina is the canal that runs through the vestibule that holds everything in! How and when you get the sensations and pleasures from thrusting, rotating, or the circulating motions of penis, vibrators, dildos and fingers is very individualized. Because the canal has less nerve endings, simple thrusting will probably not bring about a strong orgasm.
A survey reported 64% of vulva owners needed clit play to have a meaningful orgasm. For me, the most intense orgasms are Gspot orgasms. This is because it engages the clitoris fully. Using your fingers or a Gspot stimulator are best for this clit play. Use two of three finger moves that will drive them crazy.
Use your ring and pointer finger. Keep the rest of your knuckles flat. Enter the vagina and stay shallow. Within the first 2-3 inches. Press up with the pads of your fingers. Use lube, the slickness will add pleasure. Rotate your fingers with medium pressure after you have had enough foreplay to get them engaged in the act. Keep rotating your fingers as the tension builds, again, remind them about their breathing. Breathing is important to intense orgasm.
When they are ready, began to use a second finger motion. The come hither. Pull your fingers toward you. Remember to stay shallow, the Gspot will swell. (This is an area and not a button) The more aroused the person is, the more likely they will ejaculate with their orgasm. Increase your pace with their pants and gasp and keep it up until they experience what is probably a more intense orgasm, an all over body orgasm that they will remember for quite some time.
All because the clitoris takes center stage. It brings so much additional pleasure to the table and can be used with penetration or without. Begin to engage both the external and internal clitoris. Add humping to your foreplay. Be sure to lube your hand to aid with friction and increase your speed as they advance toward orgasm.
As an Orgasm Coach, I love guiding folx through clitoral orgasms.
Playing Without a Partner : A Single’s Guide to Sex, Dating and Happiness by Megan Stubbs, ED.D
Dr. Megan Stubbs, ED.D has crafted a holistic manual to single life that covers every aspect of actual LIVING – not just hookup culture and the pursuit of happiness through relationships – but also the act of learning to love one’s self. Her lighthearted, relatable approach and expertise in sex education allows her to articulate to everyone, singles and coupled people alike, how to get back in touch with YOUR happiness at the root. Stubbs provides an inclusive and thoughtful book if you feel stuck in a rut in your relationship with yourself!
Playing Without a Partner : A Single’s Guide to Sex, Dating and Happiness by Megan Stubbs
Publisher: Cleis Press (May 11, 2021)
Length: 250 pages
ISBN13: 9781627783040
Table of Contents
Introduction ix
Rethinking Single Life 1
Self Care 25
Self-Love-Masturbation and Fantasy 51
Body Mapping 75
Orgasm Basics 83
Positive Body Image 97
Dating-Want Long-Term, Have Short-Term Connections 121
Important Conversations about Health 147
Empowered Sex with Near Strangers 167
Tips for Great Sex 177
Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide 213
Conclusion 223
Acknowledgement 225
Rethinking Single Life
Single life can be seen as sad, however, as Stubbs explains, this is far from the reality. Most single people, whether searching for a partner or having chosen celibacy for any reason, live very fulfilling and rewarding lives filled with meaningful relationships, romance and more. The main difference being this occurs in a different “package” than what we’ve been generally sold as a “perfect” life.
Getting in touch with your true desires – romance, career, lifestyle goals – helps to achieve a happier life in singlehood or just be happier AS yourself. So much of life can be spent finding the perfect person, not finding out what makes us happiest. Why not spend time alone with yourself trying new things? Going to new places? Meeting lots of new people? Options are endless.
Self Care
Self care is so important in attracting a partner AND in improving feelings around self image and identity. If we have not learned to address our needs, how can we expect that of others? Stubbs provides helpful context within which we can reframe and prioritize self care so we can better care for ourselves and others. As a sex educator, body image specialist and relationship expert, she has invaluable background to provide a well rounded self care routine.
Self Love; Masturbatory and Fantasy, Body Mapping, Orgasm Basics
Self Love can be expressed in so many ways! Stubbs’ book expands on the topics of masturbation and fantasy, Body Mapping and Orgasm Basics over several chapters. One important thing to note is the importance of never faking orgasms with your partner in order to serve what you think are their needs first. Understanding our own pleasure will provide for better sexual experiences whether it be with regular partners or strangers. As Megan says often throughout the book, “Put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others,” to ensure your needs are met before you attempt to help others.
Positive Body Image, Tips for Great Sex, Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide
Dr Stubbs is also an expert in the field of Body Image and Body Positivity and as such offers an informative voice on how to achieve a more positive relationship with our body through sexual empowerment, masturbation and self care, but also in your day to day experiences outside of your sex life. Her sex tips are sound and the “Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide” is helpful for those little awkward moments we often don’t consider until we’re back on the dating scene, like if flatulence occurs and other funny situations.
Dating is all about being in the present with people you care for or hope to find a connection with – it shouldn’t be so stressful – but it can be easy to get nervous or retreat to your shell. With Dr. Stubbs’ book, you’ll find a positive, upbeat and humorous voice to guide you through this sometimes lonely and difficult path (alone) but together! There is no shortage of love out there, only fear that keeps us from finding it.
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Dr. Megan Stubbs is a sexologist, relationships expert, and body image specialist. With her degrees in biology and human sexuality, she is able to combine two of her favorite things, science and sex, into a cohesive platform to impact her audience. She is mindful of inclusion and brings a sensitivity to ethnic diversity rooted in her own complex heritage. She believes that sex should be fun and uses her lighthearted, intelligent, and humorous delivery to make it happen. She is the author of Playing Without a Partner : A Single’s Guide to Sex, Dating and Happiness.
Mutual Masturbation is a form of sexual activity where lovers simultaneously touch their lady business and man junk in front of each other for mutual pleasure, arousal and orgasm. The fun activity has an exhibitionist and voyeurism quality, where both partners can perform and watch at the same time, enhancing the erotic quality of their “naughty” act.
Masturbation is often a solo act, so mutual masturbation can be even more erotic when shared with someone you trust. It is self-love shared with your honey. And of course, sharing is caring.
What Are the Positive Aspects of Mutual Masturbation
Mutual masturbation is helpful in enhancing your sexual relationship, because by watching the show, you learn what gets your partner off. It’s also a form of safe sex, so you don’t have to worry about STI’s or unwanted pregnancies. And it’s a great way to explore your sexuality together without engaging in penetrative sex intercourse. It’s “outercourse”.
One of the most popular sexual requests straight men ask of women is “Could I watch you masturbate?” You would think a guy’s number one request would be blow jobs or any form of sticking it in. But no, because men are such heavy masturbators, they want to masturbate to someone masturbating!
But like sex itself, there is an art to mutual masturbation. The idea can be daunting and awkward, or even nerve wracking if you’re with someone new. Also, where you do it is something to think about too, Loveology University‘s Dr. Ava Cadell says to “Sit on a bed, sofa, bathtub, or on the floor in front of a fireplace”. Good thinking, because the last place you want to do it is down in the basement at your parent’s house over Christmas and they walk in.
As with any new sexual activity you decide to do, discuss beforehand. This avoids awkwardness. In this case it would include questions like “Now are you going to just let me do my thing, or are you going to direct me? Or “I don’t really like that” Or “I really do like that.” You need to know things like this beforehand, so you don’t get turned off. Discuss beforehand if you like being directed or not, if you want to talk during the MM sesh or not. It’s supposed to be fun and something you both want to try!
“But before you start stripping, spend some time breathing in slowly and deeply while looking into each other’s eyes”, says Cadell. “This doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out step, but it will help you both relax. Then, gradually undress while maintaining as much eye contact as possible; it will help you to stay focused and feel connected. This would be the perfect time to give your partner a sexy compliment detailing what exactly you like about what you see.” As in “You are so freakin’ hot right now I can’t stand it.”
Take it slow and let the sexual tension build up. Groaning is good. It lets the other person know you are enjoying it. Take it slow and let the sexual tension build up. You can also add sex toys to the mix.
Dr. Cadell says “Use the toy and your fingers to fondle yourself gently, and watch your partner as he touches himself in return. Take it slow, and really allow yourself to feel your own touch knowing that your guy is getting more and more aroused with each passing moment.”
Switching positions will also give your partner some eye candy. “Roll over so your partner can view you from a different angle, like doggie style”, she says. “Spread your legs just enough so you can start to penetrate yourself with your fingers or the toy. Ease in and out, rocking your hips so you’re moving side to side as your fingers or the device glides in and out of you. If you entered from the front, eventually switch it up and take yourself from behind. And encourage him to switch positions, too, if that seems sexy to you.”
And when the time comes, you can watch the other person climax, which is part of the fun of “spanking the monkey,” “petting the kitty,” “sayin’ hi to the monster,” and “paddling the pink canoe.”
What to learn more about solo sex? Check out Loveology’s Masturbation Course!
I’d venture to guess that there are subsections, off-shoots, niche areas that writers of all genres explore with various levels of success, might see financial gain from, or get mired in. I know mixing genres as I often do—marrying smut with satire, science-fiction with kink—has brought me as much forward momentum as it has rejection. I’d think the further down the rabbit hole a writer explores; whether he or she tickles forth scenes of noir westerns, tries their facility at parody romance, or steps the way many an erotic writer like me has, ever fine-tuning BDSM short fiction; the more one can either find a rabid audience who will gobble up your specific unusual scribblings, as much as a broad population who won’t give a rat’s ass to follow where it is you might be going.
I dare say, though, writing erotica as I do and being involved in the business of, I see many a publisher and reader thoroughly enjoying niche material. Why is this so of naughty in erotica, more than other kinds of writing? And is it actually so? I’m not so sure. I just know lots of my fellow smut writers are very comfortable delving into what is considered niche content.
Defined as a NOUN: “a specialized segment of the market for a particular kink of product or service, as an ADJECTIVE: “denoting or relating to products, services or interests (my emphasis) that appeal to a small, specialized section of the population.” And it just might be because we naked apes can think up a veritable plethora of stuff (and really, have you ever experienced a plethora that wasn’t veritable?) to satisfy our lusts, erotica, the artistic expression of those lusts, is ripe for niche exploration. There is bound to be somebody out there with some of the same sexual interests, or close to them, that you have, no matter how ‘niche’/kinky/non-vanilla they are.
I know that I have made my way very well in niche erotica. For instance, I just placed this story at the House of Denial male chastity retailer (and am working on more for them right now). Chastity is undoubtedly a niche kink, but I found a place for my work at this site, was in fact, prompted to write this story because I followed some instinct to delve a little deeper into teasing, fem dom, a power-play dynamic.
Will writing niche erotica, hell, niche anything, work for you? Who knows? All we can ever do is try. But I can tell you, although there might be a smaller, more specific population for niche content, if you manage to lock-in with people who have a particular penchant for something, you might find yourself a rabid audience who might tickle your coffers.
And really, who doesn’t want their coffers tickled?
We all know what masturbation is, but what is mindful masturbation? Sounds like some kind of woo-woo, esoteric thing.
Mindful masturbation (or conscious masturbation) is bringing mindfulness into your masturbation or self-pleasure experience using all your senses. It is an exploration of your body and your pleasure that is designed to increase your awareness, while encouraging an intentional approach to solo sex.
What is Mindfulness?
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Merriam-Webster defines mindfulness as:
“The practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis; also : such a state of awareness”. (Source)
Mindfulness is simply the art of being present in your body in this exact time and place. Being in the NOW.
Mindful masturbation means observing your sensory experience (in this case pleasure) attentively, in the moment as it arises, without judgment, and to feel into it with great attention. No judgement, no goal, simple become embodied, feel and allow. Overtime, this allows you to tap into the magic of arousal, to feel pleasure more fully, more deeply and in the moment as it transpires. Not only that, but you can reprogram (or rewire) your brain’s neuro-pathways to create new pathways to experience pleasure and orgasm.
Slow the-F Down
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Mindful masturbation reduces stress because it allows you to slow-the-fuck-down and just tune into your senses and enjoy the moment, something we all need to learn to do!
Instead of wham-bam-thank-you-ma’m and doing the usual thing you normally do to get off as if on autopilot, you take your time to explore different ways of masturbating and mindfulness together. It is about lovingly touching yourself, teasing yourself, experiencing pleasure (or whatever comes up), slowing down and actually connecting with yourself, your body and your pleasure. This allows you to break normal patterns (like needing to watch porn or use a sex toy to get off), and focus on what is, rather than what you think should be happening or your expectations. It is about approaching masturbation through the lens of mindfulness, exploration, curiosity, self-love and patience.
What is the Goal of Mindful Masturbation?
Photo by Nicolas Postiglioni from Pexels
The goal is not necessarily to have an orgasm, its about pleasure. If orgasm happens, great. But the goal is exploration and finding new ways to turn yourself on, to learn about your body, your pleasure potential, and your capacity for pleasure and orgasm. The goal is to get into your body (become embodied) and FEEL the sensation of pleasure without rushing through it to orgasm. This will help you to up-level all your sexual experiences.
Also, don’t go into this practice with any expectations of what should happen. Just allow whatever comes up to happen and roll with the flow. Try to stay neutral to the experience.
Mindful meditation is a form of self-love. So, be kind and loving to yourself as you practice this.
Why Learn How to Do Mindful Masturbation?
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As we all know, masturbation and orgasm is good for your health, wellness and happiness. Mindful masturbation even goes further, as mindfulness (meditation) has been shown to reduce stress and cortisol levels, allows us to get in touch with your true authentic selves, improves cognitive function and memory, can lessen pain and fatigue, may protect us from mental health illnesses, gives you better control over processing pain and emotions, helps you sleep better, and makes you more focused and zen. It also helps us with body awareness, and self-awareness, while regulating both our attention and emotions. This continues to happen even after you’ve stopped meditating, so mindfulness has long reaching effects. (SOURCE)
How to Start a Mindful Masturbation Practice
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The best way to begin is to just begin. Schedule a distraction-free time of about 10 minutes to an hour to devote yourself solely to self-love.
To begin, create a comfortable space. Light candles, dim the lights, put on some soothing meditation music (or not if you find that distracting), add some sensual oils to your body, have the massage oil handy, create a cozy pillow oasis in your bed and prop yourself up if needed to make sure you are in the most comfortable position.
Put away extra masturbation helpers such as sex toys, porn and even fantasy. However, you can set up a mirror if you like! The goal is to focus on you, your bodies sensations, how you feel (emotions), and to get out of the mind and into the body (somatic experience).
How to Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body
Mindfulness doesn’t mean you try to suppress your thoughts. That would be impossible anyway. It is perfectly possible to be mindful and still have stream of consciousness thoughts without engaging in them. If you find yourself thinking or getting caught up in the mind, use the meditation technique to simply let those thoughts float by and gently bring your attention back to your body’s sensations.
You don’t need to quiet your mind or thoughts, just try to focus on what you are feeling, instead of letting the unwanted thoughts distract you. This is a practice, so don’t worry. There is no way to do it wrong. What counts is that you try.
You can also use your breath to ground you and help focus, by purposely breathing deeply and focusing on that to bring you back to the body. Try starting with a deep breathing exercise, just focusing on the breath at first before you begin touching yourself. Set an intention to simply explore what comes up without judgement.
How to Master Mindful Masturbation
Set a timer for 10-20 minutes (or an hour if you like!) and slowly begin to explore your body in a sensual way starting with your face, neck, arms, etc… Don’t go to the genitals right away!
Tune into any sensations of pleasure. Allow your attention to linger there. If it feels good, continue to explore it. If it doesn’t feel good, move on to something different, another kind of stroke, pressure, or touch, or new part of your body.
When you finally get to the genitals, avoid going to your usual way of masturbating. Again, explore different sensations that you’ve never explored before. You can pretend that you are exploring someone else’s body and learning what turns them on.
Dr. Ava’s Tips on How to Create a Self-Pleasure Practice
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“In my masturbation course I encourage my students and clients to masturbate because orgasms have tremendous health benefits to body and mind. I believe that regular masturbation will produce certain emotional and physical health benefits.
Its long been established that there are myriad of health benefits related to sexual activity. This awareness has been recorded in our culture for centuries in the form of old wives tales such as “Use it, or lose it.” Just as if you don’t use your common household appliances regularly, they will become rusty.
Masturbation is a freedom of expression that allows you to pleasure yourself on your own terms, can help you figure out how you feel about sex, allows you to explore your sexual fantasies and is an acceptable selfish act. You never need to make excuses about why you do it. It is a gift you have just for yourself.”–Dr. Ava Cadell
10 Steps to Mindful Masturbation
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Make sure you are in a comfortable and safe place where you can relax.
Close your eyes and empty your mind of worries.
Breathe deeply and slowly.
Explore your body with your hands and fingers.
Add some lube for a silkier sensation.
Release sounds of pleasure.
Try using your other hand to change it up.
Focus your touch all over the body, not just your primary erogenous zone.
Try something new.
Let yourself go and surrender your mind and body to pleasure.
Giving this precious gift of self-love and self-acceptance to yourself is key to living a healthy sexual life, whether you are single or in a relationship.
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If you really want to take your mindful masturbation practice to the next level, check out our Month-longMasturbation Challenge!
3. For men, masturbation is good for your prostate gland. In fact, studies have reported that regular masturbation may lower a man’s risk of prostate cancer, and those who jerked off more than 5 times a week are 1/3 less likely to get prostate cancer. Not only that, but men who masturbate at least 3 times a week (and orgasm) can lower their chances of heart attacks and strokes by as much as 50 %!
6. If you don’t have a partner (or even if you do), loving yourself via solo sex has healthy emotional and psychological benefits. Many sexologists agree that masturbation is natural, and to censor or repress it can be harmful, resulting in destructive obsessions, low self-esteem, and can even lead to intimacy problems.
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Improves Relationships & Sex
7. For couples, masturbation can improve your sexual relationships. Although masturbation may seem contrary to partner sex, women who masturbation can learn about their sexual response and how to pleasure themselves and communicate that to their partner, so both partners benefit from a more fulfilling sex life.
9. Masturbation improves the immune system’s function, by increasing testosterone into the body to help the flow of the hormone DHEA, which reportedly helps reduce the signs of aging, reduces symptoms of menopause, reduces obesity, and may help reduce the risk of osteoporosis in older women by increasing bone mass.
Even Animals Masturbate!
10. Finally, masturbation IS natural. Even animals do it: chimpanzees, monkeys, dogs, cats, whales, elephants and rats and even penguins, lizards and bats! Sexologists recognize that masturbation is a normal, natural act that promotes vitality and health.
National Masturbation Month got its start in San Francisco in 1995 after former U.S. Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders told the audience at the United Nations Worlds AIDS Day in 1994 that masturbation had the potential to discourage early sexual activity. She was also forced to resign for telling the audience that “(Masturbation) is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.”
If you plan on celebrating National Masturbation Month, here are handy tips to truly make it a party for one.
For the ladies …
The Three-Way
Use a small vibrator while flicking your clit with one hand and teasing my teasing your anus with the other hand.
The Tennis Ball
Lie on your stomach and place the ball between your legs and press it against your clitoris. Cross your legs tightly at the ankles. Squeeze your inner thighs together and work the ball in a humping motion so that it is pressing against your clitoris. As you climax, continue to squeeze with your thighs.
String of Pearls
Take a long synthetic pearl necklace and string it between the backs of two chairs suspended at crotch height. Step across, position the cord along your vulva and walk backward and forward. Soft rope or cord works well for this, too.
Flo-Rida (Floor Rider)
Strip down and lie on the floor face down. Press your pubic bone into the floor as hard as you can and rock your body like you are trying to crawl but don’t work hard enough to actually move from the spot. The flesh on your pubis will be alternately pulled tight and made slack. This transmits to your clitoris through the outer lips and feels great after a minute or two. The extra bonus is that it’s a good exercise for your waist too.
For the men …
The Cold Climax
Masturbate as you normally would, but when you feel the sensation of ejaculation coming on, grab hold of some ice cubes or crushed ice with the other hand, then continue masturbating to completion. The feeling of cold in one hand, heat in the other, and the sensation of ejaculating will enhance the experience.
Ring Around the Penis
Cover both your hands with lube, and form a ring with your thumb and forefinger. Place it around the base of your penis. Slide the ring up to the base of the glans (where the head starts). Now form a ring with the fingers on your other hand and do the same thing. Keep stroking with one ring at a time until you climax.
The Palm Rubber
As soon as you’re erect, place some lube on the inside of one hand. Rather than rub your penis with your hand, keep rubbing the tip of your penis against the palm of your hand until you orgasm.
The Ball Holder
The next time you’re masturbating and feel like you’re just about to ejaculate, put your other hand over your scrotum and lightly squeeze and pull it down (or more aggressively, if you like that sort of thing). That way, you get to feel your semen traveling through your body, making its way to the exit.
Screw Your Hand
While standing, twist your lubed-up hand (whichever you’re most comfortable using) so that your thumb is against your belly button. Wrap your hand around your penis and rather than stroke with your hand, move your pelvis to pump in and out of your hand. It’ll make you feel like you’re actually penetrating a vagina. Okay, maybe kinda, sorta.
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This article was previously published at- http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/how-to-celebrate-national-masturbation-month/
Now just look at that man. He should be featured on the cover of, like, every erotic movie made, even those in which he does not appear. Plus he is Australian, and his deeply voiced accent is to die for! Yet of his 157-film oeuvre, he has appeared on only four DVD covers–Immortal Desire, Homo Erectus (in which he plays a caveman), The Fuckingdales and Reverse Gang Bang–in which he has one big ol’ sex scene with 10 women. And where was I on casting day? 
Along the same lines–has anyone heard of Damian Duke? This beautiful blond British dynamo appeared in specialty titles in the early 2000s. Arriving on the scene in his early 20s, Duke happily submitted to many a dominatrix in a number of his films. In others, he performed alongside BBW women and older ladies, always showing them the utmost respect and investing true passion in his performances. He retired much too quickly for the Feminist Sexpert’s taste–but perhaps with more money and acclaim, he would have stayed.
If Ryder had been a female, a major porn studio would have cast him immediately in a XXX version of Cinderella. Instead the gorgeous Scot hunk appeared at first in motion pictures such as Big Tits in School and College Whores. Now, in a refreshing twist, he was eventually cast in fairy tale porn, playing Peter Pan in an Axel Braun film, and as a sexy superspy in Spyfall and a British lord in Down On Abby. And in 2015 came Ryan Ryder: Stud on Tour. Now that’s more like it! 
afterglow is the creation of entrepreneur Lilly Sparks, who considers afterglow her true and literal passion project.
“I envisioned porn that could inspire lovers,” she said. “Visual explorations that are sensitive, that show a holistic view of sex.”
Dr. Megan Stubbs 
Mutual masturbation is helpful in enhancing your sexual relationship, because by watching the show, you learn what gets your partner off. It’s also a form of safe sex, so you don’t have to worry about STI’s or unwanted pregnancies. And it’s a great way to explore your sexuality together without engaging in penetrative sex intercourse. It’s “outercourse”.
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