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Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults

Sexpert.com has the Best Sex Education Articles for Adults from an expert line up of certified sex experts.

Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.

Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.

Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.

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Pegging: A Guide To Strap-on Sex for Beginners

By
JC Way
-

Are you Reading to Learn Pegging & Strap-on Sex?

Okay. Let’s go!

A 2011 sex survey found that 14.8% of men had used a strap-on in the bedroom, and a further 21.3% would like to try it.

That was nearly 10 years ago.

In modern times, heterosexual men are becoming more open to the idea of butt play – after all, the male G-spot (prostate) is up there for a reason.

You might have heard of “pegging” in women’s magazines, where it’s deemed the most outrageous and kinky thing to ever grace the earth.

I’m JC Way from The Sex Toy Collective, and I’m here to give you the lowdown on pegging and strap-on sex.

What is Pegging?

Put simply, pegging is when a woman uses a strap-on dildo to anally penetrate a man.

Of course, any gender can use a strap-on to have sex with any gender, but pegging almost exclusively covers cis women fucking cis men in the ass with a strap-on, so that’s what we’ll be mainly focusing on here.

Pegging usually happens as part of a male-female relationship when the couple decides to experiment and switch things up in the bedroom.

Why is Pegging Pleasurable?

So why would a woman want to fuck a guy with a strap-on anyway? Why would he like it if he’s straight?

Men

  • The anus is full of sensitive nerve endings
  • The prostate (male G-spot) is 2-3 inches inside your butt
  • Power exchange and role reversal
  • A more passive or submissive role

Women

  • Many strap-ons have bullet vibrator pouches for clitoral pleasure
  • Some strap-ons are designed for internal female pleasure
  • Power exchange and role reversal
  • Seeing their partner’s vulnerable reactions

For a lot of male-female couples, pegging is a way for men to feel less “in charge” in the bedroom and submit to the woman. It’s also a great way to introduce Power Exchange into the bedroom, one of the tenets of BDSM surrounding submission and domination.

Of course, I’m generalizing here. You might already be a dominant femdom with a submissive boyfriend, but most couples aren’t like that.

What’s Pegging Like For Women?

Here are some quotes from a Reddit post about why women like pegging their guys:

“The best part is knowing how good, awesome, hot, and amazing they’re feeling because you’re giving it to them. It’s really intense, intimate, and it makes me super wet and turned on.”

“What I love about it is how it affects my husband…it changes the power dynamic of sex, I love to hear him beg for my ‘dick’.”

“The faces they make when I hit the prostate. Dear lord. Typically guys don’t make these vulnerable, sexy expressions when they’re the ones pounding me so when I see it on them it’s so unexpected and hot.”

Which Strap-on Should I Buy?

If you wanna try pegging, there are 4 different types of strap-ons you can buy.

1. Harness & Dildo – the most common and versatile type, you often see “harness and dildo kits” on sites like LoveHoney and SheVibe. These harnesses are adjustable to all waist sizes and usually come with 1 or more “O-rings”. These O-rings sit near the crotch and hold the dildo in place.

  • Versatile – fit people of all sizes
  • Often come with different dildo sizes
  • Work with any suitable flared-base dildo
  • Easy to use
  1. Vac-u-Lock – manufactured by sex toy company Doc Johnson, Vac-u-Lock strap-on kits are designed to be ultra-secure and stable, giving you the most rock-solid pegging penis. Vac-u-lock kits use a unique plug-like attachment to hold the dildo onto the harness firmly. Vac-u-lock dildos need to be used with a compatible vac-u-lock harness.
  • Ideal for pegging
  • Very strong and stable
  • Expensive
  • Harder to find
  1. Strapless Strap-on – “strapless strap-ons” like the Tantus Feeldoe are designed to be worn by people with vaginas. They’re held in place by a “bulb” or “pony” attachment using the same muscles that hold a tampon in place. Some use vibrations in the bulb to give the wearer pleasure, but these strap-ons are best reserved for lesbian couples.
  • Ideal for lesbians
  • No straps or harnesses
  • Pleasure for both partners
  • Not as strong or stable
  1. All-in-one Strap-on Kits – you can sometimes buy strap-on kits where the dildo is permanently attached to the harness and cannot be swapped out. These strap-ons are usually cheap, flimsy, and not ideal for pegging or anal sex.
  • Dildo permanently attached to harness
  • Cheap and low-quality
  • Flimsy
  • Not ideal for pegging

Which Strap-on Is Best For Anal Pegging?

Generally speaking, for a woman pegging a man in the bottom, I’d suggest a high-quality harness and dildo strap-on kit because you can easily experiment with different dildo sizes and work your way up over time.

Harnesses and dildo sets also have a high level of firmness and stability if used correctly – you need this for anal sex, as the butthole is much tighter than the vagina. The ass will put up more of a fight when you try to put stuff up there. Be prepared!

That segues us nicely into…

Lube, Douching, Fingering – How to Prepare for Pegging

Guys, if you’re reading this, I want you to know that anal sex feels great. As a man, it’s given me the best orgasms of my life. I have ejaculated from anal stimulation without touching my penis about 5 or 6 times. It’s insane.

But it ain’t no walk in the park, fellas.

You might want to consider anal douching before you go deep-diving down there.

Anal douching

The 2 types of douche I would recommend are bulb enemas (the classic squeezy design) and shower enema kits which use special shower attachment nozzles to clean out your butthole. Douching helps to flush poop out of your butthole, making it nice and clean with no nasty surprises.

However, if you eat a healthy diet and have very regular bowel movements, you might not need to douche, especially if you recently had a solid poop. In this case, a quick shower or wet wipe over the anus should suffice. The Sex Toy Collective’s anal douching guide goes into more detail.

Lube

Image from Broad City Pegging Episode: “Broad City” Knockoffs (TV Episode 2015)

Before pegging, apply a liberal amount of lube to the butthole and the dildo. I’d suggest lubing up the outside of the anus and also fingering it a little with a lubed-up finger.

Use a high-quality water-based lube, especially if using a silicone dildo.

DO NOT use silicone-based lube with a silicone dildo – it will destroy the toy.

Oil-based lubes and silicone-based lubes last the longest, but they can only be used with dildos made from stainless steel, glass, and wood.

Alas, you don’t find many wooden strap-ons.

Fingering

Giphy Image from Broad City Pegging Episode: “Broad City” Knockoffs (TV Episode 2015)

Brokeback Mountain made it look easy, but you can’t just bite the pillow and go in dry.

Ladies, warm him up by fingering his butthole with a lubed-up finger. Let him get used to the sensation of you being inside him. Slowly work up to 2 (or 3) fingers if and when he feels comfortable. You don’t need to move your fingers too much – let him get used to the stretch. This is new territory for a lot of guys.

Guys, relax. Your body will want to clench, but relax your ass and fight the urge to tense up. Relax. Accept the vulnerable position you’re in. Chill out. It will get better. When you feel ready, ask her to use 2 fingers or use the strap-on. It will get easier and more comfortable as your body adjusts.

Best Sex Positions for Pegging

So, what’s the best position for pegging? Which is the most comfortable?

Here are 3 pegging positions to try:

1.  Doggy Style – an old classic, everyone knows how to do it doggy style. He gets on his hands and knees, she kneels behind him and slides the dildo into his bottom. Doggy style is the easiest position for pegging newcomers as it’s relatively comfortable and ladies can grab their partner’s hips for leverage. You might need pillows to get the right height.

2. Reverse Lap Dance – the woman sits down, with the dildo pointing up. Facing away from her, the man spreads his legs and “sits” onto the dildo, a bit like giving a lap dance while facing outwards. Gravity can help the male partner to get the strap-on inside his bottom more easily, and he also has to do most of the work with a position like this.

3. Anal Missionary – if the male partner is flexible, he can try lying on his back with his legs in the air. The woman then penetrates him with the dildo while his legs rest on her shoulders. This position is a great way to target the prostate (P-spot) and allow the partners to maintain eye contact.

These are 3 common pegging positions, but ultimately it’s down to you guys to decide what works best for you!

Cum-clusion

I hope you enjoyed this guide to pegging and strap-on sex for beginners! Remember to communicate, take your time, and build up to this over time.

Pegging is new territory for a lot of guys and gals, so it’s natural to be nervous at first. Relax and have fun!

Health Benefits Of Female Masturbation

By
Bobby Morgan
-

Masturbation IS Good For You!–But We Already Knew That 😉

Here’s why…

Although most people think masturbation is some variety of nonsense that describes immaturity, experts, especially counselors and clinicians specializing in the area of gender and relationship therapy, say that women can learn about their own sexual responses through masturbation and even pass on what they know to their spouses. As such, it is not usually a common topic between girlfriends, but sometimes women compare notes in a discreet manner about vibrators and how they make them feel good. Aside from being a taboo in some societies, masturbation among women is valuable and is an integral component of healthy sexuality. Hence, here are some health benefits of female masturbation.

Natural infection fighter

It is noteworthy that women who masturbate on a regular basis develop higher resistance to cervical and vaginal infections. When a woman masturbates, her cervix contracts and thus allowing for the freeing of trapped and stagnant fluids that cause yeast and urinary tract infections. Moreover, it replenishes the cervix and the vagina with fresh fluids that promote the growth of healthy bacteria. Hence, to achieve the most out of the adventure it is important to avoid using saliva as this may contribute to the interference of vagina’s natural bacteria balance.

It improves a woman’s sex life

Statistics say that about 75% of women fail to reach orgasm during sex, thus masturbation is a good way of achieving sexual climax. Enjoying sex is essential in a healthy relationship and this goes a long way with the two partners getting satisfied, which implies that with a woman masturbating, she can identify her arousal points and make the partner aware. The partner can use that to the advantage of the woman achieving sexual climax during sexual intercourse which can boost their relationship.

Aids sleep and rest

Most women masturbate as a means of unwinding after a hectic day. Little do they know that it helps them to fall asleep at night. Basically, masturbation makes the body to trigger the production of dopamine, the “feel good” hormone, especially when there is an expectation of sexual climax. After orgasm, it is normal to experience a calming effect that is always attributed to the release of oxytocin and endorphin hormones that makes them warm and hence easy to fall asleep.

Improves a woman’s mood

The production of hormones in the body, such as dopamine and epinephrine during sexual arousal can help a great deal in boosting a woman’s mood. As well, it helps relieve stress since it gives a woman a moment to feel good, thus getting sexually gratified, feeling self-satisfied and improving the quality of life. Additionally, masturbation makes a woman become sexually satisfied without having the worry of getting pregnant and STDs. This can accord her with self-esteem necessary for her to stay strong, stress-free and happy at all times.

It’s a perfect pain reliever

Although masturbation has been said to sometimes cause migraine headache, it is also helpful in relieving it especially when orgasm is attained. It also helps in relieving menstrual cramps and premenstrual syndrome (PMS) symptoms that include crankiness and irritability. In fact, scientists have come out to support the idea that there is a factor that is associated with orgasm that suppresses pain and even migraine process.

It strengthens the pelvic floor

Masturbation is a good pelvic exercise that keeps it strong and resistant to involuntary urinary incontinence. The reason is that the production of spasms during orgasm can help in getting the whole pelvic region keep fit and lifting its floor, which is an essential in experiencing better sex and guaranteeing an improved urinary health. Furthermore, it makes the pelvic muscles to be a bit tighter as a woman enjoys a moment of sexual satisfaction.

Masturbation boosts a woman’s immunity

There is a common belief that masturbation also has the ability of boosting a woman’s immunity. This is because it helps in flushing toxins that could have otherwise caused diseases out of the body system as well as improving blood flow and body organ functioning. Hence, women that masturbate become less vulnerable to attack by diseases that include cardiovascular diseases, headaches, cold, flu and even diabetes among other diseases.

In summary, masturbation in women is potentially helpful both mentally and physically and it is not harmful as most people think. Therefore, whether a woman will use her fingertips, dildo or vibrator, she can improve her well-being, relationships and health through regular masturbation.

So low the lights a little, light some candles, just relax in the hot tub and let the games begin.

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This article was written by Brenda Panin and previously published at- http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/guest-post-health-benefits-of-female-masturbation/

Change Up Your Masturbation Techniques

By
Bobby Morgan
-

Getting bored with your masturbation routine? Try out some of these techniques. They’re sure to make you feel like your alone time is truly all about you.

For Women

• Get in the tub, light some scented candles, and pour yourself a glass of wine. As you soak in the warm water, your muscle tension will melt. You’ll be more responsive to touch when you’re relaxed. If you don’t have a waterproof sex toy, use a hand-held shower head. Vary the settings to find the right one to find a sensation that you can’t replicate with your fingers. If you don’t have a hand-held shower head, as the tub is filling, scrunch up close to the water as it pours out of the faucet.

• Borrow an oral sex tip from the guys: write the alphabet with your pinky on your clit or trace the number 8 over and over with a lubed fingertip on or around the clit and your inner labia.

• Use your index and ring fingers to hold open your labia. This frees up your middle finger to stroke the tip of your clitoris.

• Don’t have a clitoral stimulator? The back end (non-bristle) side of a battery-operated toothbrush works as a great, inexpensive stand-in. Just make sure that you keep in in your nightstand or wherever you store your sex toys so you won’t accidentally use it for what it’s intended.

For Men

• To keep your erection after ejaculating, stroke to the point that you are ready to ejaculate – but then do not touch your penis and relax all of your muscles. The orgasm will be less intense, but you will stay erect and can continue, and you will not lose the excitement in your body.

• Using both hands when you masturbate instead of just one, or grip your penis with one hand and lay face down on the bed, thrusting into your hand as you would if you were thrusting into a woman’s vagina. Using a good amount of lube can feel warm and wet, just like a vagina. By using your body to move your penis in and out of your hand (instead of the other way around), you’ll recreate the feeling of having sex rather than just jacking off.

• Another trick to recreate the feeling of a vagina during masturbation without using sex toys is to use a condom, lube and a warm, but not hot, towel. Squirt a generous amount of lube in the condom and then put the condom on your penis. (Using a condom that is a little larger than your penis may benefit you here.) Wrap a warm towel around your penis after you put the condom on, and grip the warm towel and move it back and forth when you masturbate.

• Using both hands, one at the bottom and one at the top of the penis, gently wring in opposite directions. Use the motion from bottom to top as if you were wringing out a cloth — squeeze the semen out, not in.

• On a comfortable surface like your bed, sit on your heels with each heel gently spreading your butt cheeks comfortably, don’t overstretch. Masturbate as you wish, using your favorite technique. When you are about to ejaculate, spread your cheeks and feel the deep orgasm stem from your perineum. There’s a pressure point in the center of the perineum that creates intense orgasms.

For Women and Men

• Can’t be together? Get a smartphone tripod to leave your hands free to do other things while you’re sharing some Skype time or Face Time and enjoy some sexy phone or video sex together long distance. You can even add new sex tech devices and toys that can be used remote across long distances.

• Know your lubes. Silicone lubes last longer than water-based lubes. However, because of their long-lasting properties, you’ll want to clean up with soap and water afterward. Also, don’t use silicone lube with silicone sex toys. Silicone lube will damage silicone sex toys. If you’re not sure what your sex toy is made of, stick with water-based lube.

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This post was previously published at http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/change-up-your-masturbation-techniques/

Masturbation: How to Do a Yoni Massage

By
Domina Doll
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Genital massage not only aids in sexual stimulation, but it promotes blood flow to the vulva which is beneficial for genital health.  So by taking the time out to relax and give yourself a genital massage, you are doing your body as well as your sexual libido a favour!

How to Give Yourself a Yoni Massage

Find a quiet room and lock the door so you won’t be interrupted.  Put on music, light candles or incense to get you in the mood.

Lie down in a comfortable position, propping yourself up with pillows beneath your back and letting your legs hang loosely open, or try lying on your stomach to aid in accessing the genitals easier.  Immerse yourself in erotic thoughts or simply concentration on your body’s sensations.  Breathe deeply, for this increases the flow of blood to the genitals and helps you to relax.

Next, use a mirror to explore the beauty of your own vulva, opening the labia lips and finding the clitoris as your massage yourself.  Betty Dodson recommends trimming or shaving beforehand for a heightened sense of awareness, but that is totally up to you.

Your hands should be clean and nails should be trimmed or kept away from soft tissues by using the pads of the fingers.  Begin with a very light touch on the genitals, using one hand for stimulation and the other to hold your labia lips open.  Some women find direct stimulation of the clitoris painful, or ticklish, so slowly increase the amount of pressure only as you become more aroused.  Use a lube, which enhances all sexual activities by making the genitals slick and slippery.

Rest the heel of your hand on the pubis mons, where the pubic hair begins.  You can begin by stimulating the labia lips with your fingers, using light rubbing and tickling techniques.  You can gently grasp the shaft of the clitoris and slide the hood back and forth or gently move the tissue under your finger around in small circles.

Gradually, you can increase the stimulation and may be able to apply pressure to the clit itself by tapping it lightly.  Many women find that the top, right side of their clitoris is more sensitive than other areas.  You can work around the clit in a circular motion as well.  You can try inserting a finger or two into the vagina and using your palm to stimulate the clit. Experiment with different strokes or speeds to see what feels best, building a repetitive rhythm.

Other techniques include:

Womb drumming: where you lightly drum over your womb area, thighs and labia with the palms of your hands to stimulate blood flow.

Pussy Petting:  This technique uses both hands to alternately stroke up the vulva in a slow, rhythmic motion, warming up the tissue to get the blood flowing.

The Squeeze Tease:  This technique involves softly pinching the outer labia together, working up and down the lips.

Outer and Inner Labia Massage: This method involves opening the labia and squeezing along each side of the outer lips.  This is then repeated with the inner labia.

The purpose of Yoni Massage is to awaken your libido, get to know your beautiful pussy in a more intimate and loving manner, to explore your genitals slow and sensually and to find new ways to stimulate yourself (especially if you rely on a vibrator for masturbation).

Try to just enjoy the experience of getting to know your Yoni/Vulva/Pussy better, and maybe even learn new ways to give yourself pleasure!

How do I cheat on my husband/wife?

By
Ely Torres
-
how do i cheat on my husband

The first time I heard the term “affair dating” was back in 2015 when the Ashley Madison website was hacked and over 60 gigabytes of personal data was released. Soon, people began poring over the details of information released in hopes of finding celebrity or politician profiles. Most people had never heard of Ashley Madison and were shocked that there was a site dedicated to helping married people have successful affairs.

The truth is, there will always be married people who cheat.

As long as marriage exists, so will cheating.

It may be controversial to say this, but cheating on your significant other doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It means you need more than what you’re receiving at the moment.
Getting caught doesn’t mean you don’t love your spouse, it means you’re a careless idiot.

So what do I deem a successful affair? If the affair ends and no one got an std, got pregnant, caught feelings or got caught in the act, then congratulations, you are successfully affair dating!

1. If you find yourself obsessing over one person in particular, then it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate what is it you are looking for and what you can handle. Just because you would love to have a sexy dip on the side doesn’t mean that you should go out and get one, especially if you are someone who finds it hard to keep things casual and light. Relax…this is supposed to be fun, remember? Learn to go with the flow because you never know where something will take you. If you find that it is too stressful, then you know that affair dating is not for you.

Focus on having temporary fun, and the rest will follow.

2. If you are in the midst of affair dating, then your marriage is obviously lacking something. So don’t limit yourself to your usual “type” of person you go for. In other words, don’t be a doppel-banger! See who else is out there and experiment while you can. Don’t start an affair with someone who is just like your spouse. What the fuck is the fun in that?

3. You need to approach affair dating as something temporary and have clear boundaries from the start. Are you looking to have fun on the side or are you looking to blow up your marriage? Be honest with yourself. Once you know for sure that you are only seeking temporary fun, then always remind yourself about that. Don’t fucking fall in love or lust! Always remind yourself that this is temporary fun and you are not to begin an actual relationship. What if you meet someone that you would leave your partner for? You better be sure that you are truly unhappy in your relationship and not just basking in the glow of infatuation.

Would I suggest having an affair with a friend or joining an affair dating website?

When the Ashley Madison breach occurred, not only was 60 gigs of personal date compromised, but other information slowly came out as profiles and emails were more thoroughly looked into.

Annalee Newitz, editor-in-chief of Gizmodo, analyzed the leaked data. She initially found that only roughly 12,000 of the 5.5 million registered female accounts were used on a regular basis, equal to 3 in every 1000, or less than 1%. The remaining were used only one time, the day they were registered. She also found that a very high number of the women’s accounts were created from the same IP address, suggesting there were many fake accounts.

She found women checked email messages very infrequently: for every 1 time a woman checked her email, 13,585 men checked theirs. Only 9,700 of the 5 million female account had ever replied to a message, compared to the 5.9 million men who would do the same.

She concluded that, “The women’s accounts show so little activity that they might as well not be there”. In a subsequent article the following week Newitz acknowledged that she had “misunderstood the evidence” in her previous article, and that her conclusion that there were few females active on the site had actually been based on data recording “bot” activities in contacting members. She notes that “we have absolutely no data recording human activity at all in the Ashley Madison database dump from Impact Team. All we can see is when fake humans contacted real ones.”

Claire Brownell suggested that the Turing test could possibly be passed by the women-imitating chatbots that fooled millions of men into buying special accounts.

Equipped with the knowledge of what many dating sites are capable of in order to attract customers (it is a business, after all) I would say to steer clear of affair dating sites.

If you can’t pull your side honey in person, then you don’t really deserve one, do you?

Have you been cheated on and are trying to figure out if they are worth keeping? 

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This article originally appeared on Love Coach Advice

Tantric Masturbation: Sex Magic for One

By
Domina Doll
-
Photo by John from Pexels

Welcome to May–Masturbation Month! This is the start of a series of articles celebrating sexual self love!

The goal of Tantra is to explore sacred sexuality as a spiritual act of love and pleasure, to undergo personal transformation, and to find the balance within through mystical consciousness or connection with the divine. Again, this is not goal-orientated, at least to begin with, but more about exploration. Go slow and just enjoy giving yourself pleasure.

How to Do Tantra for One

Lay comfortably on your back, arms at sides, palms pressed lightly against the floor.  Close your eyes and breathe deeply from the stomach and chest, feeling the tension flow out of you with each exhale.  Your breathing should be slow, rhythmic and peaceful, not forced or unnatural.  Feel yourself grounding into the earth and connecting with earth energy.

Practice conscious breathing by placing the heels of your hands to the sides of your rib cage, against the bottom ribs.  Become aware of your breath for a moment, and allow it to become slow and rhythmic. As you breathe slowly through the nose, concentrate quietly on how the ribs move in and out, pressing your hands in gently into the ribs and then release with the exhale.

One you have practiced this, continue to breathe, making your breath circular: Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth making the breathing completely “circular” with no pauses between inhales and exhales.  This type of breathing is especially good when trying to cycle orgasmic energy through your body.

Begin to stimulate yourself through masturbation until you reach the edge of the plateau stage, the point of no return or last possible moment that you can abstain from orgasm.  At this point, stop stimulating yourself and breath very slowly and deeply until the desire to orgasm fades.  This is called sexual “edging”. Continue to do this several times, each time reaching the edge of orgasm, then pulling back and not allowing yourself to climax.  This technique takes practice, so don’t worry if you go over the edge the first couple of tries.  Through practice you will be able to slow down stimulation, rather than stopping completely and continue to build this heightened state of awareness.

Continuous Orgasm

You can learn to have long continuous whole-body orgasms via Tantra masturbation. Continue to edge your orgasm and while doing so, contract your PC muscles and move your hips, imagining as you do that the orgasmic energy is circulating through your body with the breath.

When you do finally orgasm see if you can keep the orgasm going, continuing to stimulate, and ride the orgasm out in longer and longer waves.

Enjoy!

Sometimes You Do Get A Check, And Sometimes You Don’t Know Why

By
Ralph Greco
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Photo by Nadi Lindsay from Pexels

Freelance writers usually know when their payments are coming in, spend an inordinate amount of time chasing those that are supposed to come in, and worry insistently about trying to get them to come in. Although I am terrible with anything that has to do with numbers, rest assured I try to keep up on those numbers that mean cash in my pocket. So, you can assume I was damn surprised today when I received a check from a rather reputable publication that I was not expecting for a piece of writing I can’t recall.

Yes, I do write a lot of erotica. I’d say more than half of my output is naughty writing, either article, blogs, or fiction. But I also write for mainstream clients and attempt to get fiction or little humor essays into those inoffensive old mags that have been around forever. It was from one of these magazines, that the check came from, for… well… for whatever it was.

I went on the magazine’s website to search, to no avail, and just emailed a letter to their editor, thanking him and asking, ‘Hey, by the way, can you tell me what this is for?’ I’d at least like to grab a couple of copies of the magazine to throw around as I don’t get to do this all that often when I get some piece of erotica published. Old aunt Tessie is a sweet lady, but she won’t take well to logging onto some porn site to read my latest on the best positions for spanking.

Don’t think for a minute I’m complaining! I love getting money, and I love that it seems a venerable old magazine has published me. I just have no idea what the piece was! But you might find this happening to you a time or two. Lots of places have online templates to plug your writing into. In the case of what I am assuming was published here, I probably scribbled off a little humor piece of 100 words and sent it off. I’m sure I didn’t even save the few paragraphs, figuring, hey, if they can use it, great, if not, no skin off my apple.

I guess the lesson to be learned here is, just keep sending stuff, throw your writing out and about, even if it’s little quips or a short-short. You never know who might publish you, and when you might see a check, you were not expecting.

IS THE PENIS A BIG BAD WOLF IN YOUR LIFE?

By
Natalia D
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⚠️⚠️TRIGGER ALERT! IF YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED SEXUAL TRAUMA OR VIOLENCE, THIS POST MIGHT BE TRIGGERING


I had a session with a client this week and she told me she has difficulty climaxing with her partner. She could do it by herself in 5 minutes, but with him it almost never happened.


They have been married for about 8 years and on the surface everything seemed ok, so she was confused as to why this is so difficult for her. So we dove deeper.


When I asked her what is the absolutely first feeling that comes to your mind when you think pen!s? Pay close attention to how your body reacts to that word (our bodies never lie, we may censor our minds to a certain degree, but not our bodies)


After a moment she told me, “that’s so strange but the very first feeling that came to me was fear. I never realized it was there, it was so subtle.”


I could see how her whole body contracted at this word, so subtly her shoulders slouched, it was closing off in a protective posture.


I asked her, have you ever been penetrated before you were ready? Or when you actually didn’t want to?


She said yes.


Most women I work with say yes.


I also said yes.


What about you?


If you answered yes, I feel you sister, I see you. You are not alone.


If this was a traumatic event for you, I am so sorry you went through that, there is healing and hope at the end of the tunnel. You are so loved.


However for those who still said yes, but don’t feel like there was a traumatic event, that’s where it can get tricky.


Sexual trauma doesn’t just happen in big traumatic events, it can happen in small, seemingly harmless ways.


When your husband, or partner really wants sex, and you just “give it to him” so that he stops annoying you.


You just give it to him so he doesn’t feel rejected, to protect his feelings.


You just give it to him because if you don’t he will find it elsewhere.


You just give it to him because you always have and it’s easier to continue this way instead of disturbing the status quo, possibly upsetting him and digging into all the mess that may come up.


You just give it to him so he doesn’t leave you.


Except our bodies know we are betraying them.


Our Yonis feel the subtle violence. Our wombs remember.


They remember our NO not being honored, not being important enough, our needs not being met. Ourselves censored.


And so they learn to associate the pen!s with the attacker, the invader who is going to come in without consent.


The one we need to bow to, when we don’t really want to, the one we need to tolerate to not hurt his feelings. The one we need to support if we want to keep the safety. Except it’s not really safe this way, is it?


LOVE, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FEEL PLEASURE FROM THAT STATE!


When subconsciously, you associate pen!s with any form of resistance, even if it is just annoyance…


When your first thought and feeling when you think of a pen!s is not joy, love and pleasure…


It becomes incredibly difficult to open yourself up to receive pleasure from your partner, because for us to open ourselves up, we first and foremost need to feel safe to surrender and receive.


So what is the very first feeling that comes to you when you think of the word pen!s?


If you are feeling love and joy and pleasure then YES BABE! I am celebrating you! Keep rocking this!


However if you feel resistance, fear, trauma, panic, hate, annoyance, confusion, anger or resentment, if you feel a somatic response from your body of contraction, rigidity, tension, then there might be some more healing work that is asking to be done.


The first step though is gaining awareness! So congrats on this, if you read it this far, you probably already made that step.


We can’t realign and heal what we are not aware of what we are hiding from.


I truly believe we all can and deserve to live fulfilling sexual lives. To be fully expressed as humans in all aspects of our being, our sexuality being one of the deepest of them.


That our needs are worth being met, that we are still love-able in our NO and that pen!ses are amazing bringers of joy, and love and pleasure when we heal our relationships with them.


Now I know that this is a very vulnerable subject, so not everyone might be daring enough to share how this shows up in their life, (if you are I would love to hear from you), but if this resonated, drop me a 💖 below

If you want to to explore this and other topics in a safe community of women and get more support, I would love to welcome you to my facebook group.

Keep shining your beautiful light!
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Photo by Dainis Graveris from Pexels

What really is a fetish?

By
Coralyn Jewel
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Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

ABCs of Fetishes

As I write my weekly blogs, I try to relate them to my weekly guest. When I sat down in our Hollywood studio with LA Kink Shrink, and spoke with Dr. Tom Murray a couple of weeks prior and then Dr. Lee Phillips whose episode will be released soon, I really got to thinking what other fetishes are out there that I am unaware of.

I know writing a blog on every single fetish would be a very long entry, but I thought I would touch on the more common fetish requests I receive as a webcam model and content creator and what they are. I will then break down some of these in detail in future entries as to some of the possible reasons some may choose to enjoy a particular fetish.

Age Play:


This is when either just one partner or both take on roleplaying a different age. A big one is the daddy/daughter or mommy/son. When this request comes to me as a webcam performer, I do require my “customer” to roleplay as legal age stepson with me, however, I do get requests of customers wanting to roleplay as a child which I choose not to do in my shows. However, age play can be fun when two consenting adults agree to take on a different age and play out a scenario.

Cuckolding:


Cuckolding is normally when the female half of a partnership either humiliates her partner by sleeping with another person in front of him or can even go and have sexual relations and come back and share their experience in a humiliating manner. This kink isn’t only for heterosexual couples—people of all genders and orientations can enjoy cuckolding. You can explore this kink through dirty talk or virtual sex with a third party.

Impact Play:


Impact play requires communication and consent from both partners. Almost any household item can be used for impact play, paddles, whips, wooden spoons really anything to “hit” the body, even your hand for erotic spanking. Stick to areas that are fatty and avoid where organs reside. Always begin this type of play and any other slowly. Establish a safe word if it is too painful and you need your partner to ease off.

Foot Fetishism

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels


Foot fetish is just as it sounds, someone who is turned on by feet. Anything from thinking about feet, touching, smelling, and even tasting feet. One-half of the partner will want to engage in foot worship, in which they desire to pamper their partner’s feet by kissing, caressing, and massaging them. The other side of a foot fetish is humiliation. The desire to want feet shoved in their face and mouth, or to have their partner walk all over them.

Humiliation


The most common example of humiliation is name-calling and verbal abuse. It is important to communicate with your partner how far to take the humiliation. For example, maybe behind closed doors, your partner wants to be told she is your naughty little slut but she will not tolerate the word “cunt”. You must together know boundaries. Then some men enjoy small penis humiliation. Being told they can never satisfy anyone with their small penis and they are not worthy. Always make sure you know your limits and communicate them.

Urophilia


This is the actual term for what many of us know as watersports or golden showers. This is Urine play. The most common way to enjoy pee play is to give or receive golden showers. Some say it is the warmth of the urine and others incorporate this fetish into humiliation play.

As with all fetishes, and trust me there are many many more, establish your limits, boundaries, and desires you want from engaging in the fetish. You know the saying, “Don’t knock it till you try it”.

Till next time,

Coralyn Jewel

The Great Public Pubic Debate

By
Bobby Morgan
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There’s hardly a porn or erotic photo or video that gets posted on the ’Net of a woman that isn’t completely free of pubic hair. Sure, there are a few women that keep their bush very neatly trimmed or sport a decorative strip of hair. Going totally natural is almost unseen these days.

Lately, there’s been a big debate over the “pressure” for women to go bald … and it’s getting louder.

Personally, I don’t feel pressured. I completely shave from time to time, but my pubic hair is so coarse that I get a 5 o’clock shadow (and the stubble) by 9:05 a.m., so I keep the hair on my lips trimmed neat and short and completely shave the rest.  As much as I love the velvety softness of my labia right after I shave, I’m really self-conscious about my partner’s soft lips brushing up against the Brillo pad of my lower lips. On the other hand, I don’t want him getting a mouthful of hair … or having it poking out of my bathing suit or a pair of pretty panties.

Waxing? No thanks. I’m not a masochist, and I really don’t like the idea of a salon pro handling my lady parts.

Laser hair removal? I just don’t have that kind of cash.

Sorry if that’s a really drawn-out way of explaining my personal preference. There are just so many reasons behind it.

But that’s what it is — a preference – and one that belongs to each individual woman.

What I find most odd is that the pressure to go totally bare often comes from men, many of whom would never think of taking a razor to their family jewels or think going pubeless doesn’t look manly. My opinion: what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.  We ladies don’t like getting the short curlies stuck in our teeth any more than you. At least take out a pair of manicure scissors every once in a while if you’re going to get vociferous about a preference mandate.

While lots of women are spending hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, on spa and medical hair removal, I’ve been seeing more and more articles pop up about women who are letting the ‘fro below grow. Even polished beauties like Gwyneth Paltrow and Ellen DeGeneres say they favor a bush gone wild.

This big backlash really burst a few years back around a survey conducted and released by the UK pharmacy chain Medix. The survey revealed that 51% of women don’t style or groom the hair in their nether regions, 45% can no longer be bothered to keep up the grooming, and 62% of them said their mate prefers the natural look.

Is it all for practical reasons? Perhaps. I know I already spend more time than I’d like every morning just on styling my hair and putting on makeup in addition to my shower and hygiene routine. Some of it is from feminine backlash that comes from the likes of Caitlin Moran and her book, How To Be A Woman. She claims that a lot of the pressure to shave down there comes from a society that watches too much porn.

I’ve also been hearing a lot of pro-pube advocacy from the medical community which says that pubic hair provides a cushion against friction and abrasions from a partner’s pubic hair. There are theories that suggest that pubic hair exists to keep genitals warm and to trap and release pheromones, those sexy scents that attract lovers and  heighten arousal. Plus, doctors and nurses say that pubic hair removal makes the skin susceptible to rashes, irritation and infections, especially antibiotic-resistant strep and staph infections and STIs. A warm, moist environment and sexual contact are breeding grounds for bacteria that make their way into cuts and open pores.

Perhaps the next sexual fashion trend is to go commando?

My take on the great pube debate is that we’re in a transitional waxing and waning period of what we consider to be sexually attractive. It’s been depicted in art and documented in history throughout the ages. Female pubic hair was depicted as painted triangles in Egyptian art. In medieval and classical European art, pubic hair was rarely shown. It’s been reported that European prostitutes shaved the cooch as proof that they weren’t harboring a crab farm or other questionable diseases and infections.  Francisco Goya’s La maja desnuda (The Naked Maja) painted sometime between 1797 and 1800 is  the European painting to show female pubic hair.

Cultures and religions have had their say in pubic standards. Pubic hair in the Middle East and Eastern Europe has been considered unclean for centuries. The Islamic prophet Mohammed is reported to have said that removing body hair is an act of fitrah, to be in a pure state. (The same goes for Islamic beliefs to practice circumcision.)

I remember my mother’s awkwardness when she gave me a can of Barbasol and my first Daisy razor when I hit puberty in the mid-70’s. She told me that I should shave my legs and armpits but didn’t show me how. She only told me that it was something that proper well-groomed ladies ladies did.

Of course my mother never mentioned anything about pubes. That dark growth sprouting between my legs absolutely horrified me. I couldn’t ask my her about it. She was already shamefully embarrassed to tell me that I had to shave my pits and legs.  I had no idea of what was “normal” for years.  Porn and erotic art just weren’t accessible and available in my world. It wasn’t until 1981 when a guy I was dating tried (and failed) to get it on with me by showing me my first stag film. In a herky jerky circa 1967 8 mm black and white short of a lame boss and secretary role play, I saw that the woman in the film had a thick dark bush much like mine. I felt relieved.

In the late ‘80’s and early ‘90’s the proliferation of porn on VHS tapes accelerated the demand for newer and edgier. Landing strips and shaved pussies were among first trends.  As porn became more accessible online in the past decade, young women and teens wanted to rock the porn star look. In doing my research for this post, I came across a message board in which teens were asking at which age they started shaving their pubes. Some of them said it was as early as 12.

Ask any woman over 45 these days whether they go hair or bare. The numbers are in favor of keeping the hair. Is it because it’s harder to teach an older doggie a new style or does age bring wisdom?

Regardless of whether you go sans hair or full blow bush (and everything in between) your pubic hair style should be your choice.

Love your vulva and Mound of Venus! <3

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Featured Image by Image by Mario Battaglia from Pixabay

This article was previously published at:

http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/the-great-public-pubic-debate/

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