Sunday, December 22, 2024

Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults

Sexpert.com has the Best Sex Education Articles for Adults from an expert line up of certified sex experts.

Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.

Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.

Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.

Explore sexpert articles from our top sex educators.

Sexual Assault Awareness Month: Why I Can’t Support Rape Porn

OK, before I even start this blog I’d like to make some caveats. When I make reference to rape porn or erotica, I’m not referencing consensual bondage fantasies. I’m not slut- or kink-shaming anyone. And I am not calling for the illegalization of any pornography created by and for consenting adults, unless actual injury or the crossing of a performer’s boundaries occurred during the production. This column represents my views on this subject, nothing more.

The other day I was chatting with a friend of mine who works as a rape crisis counselor. She confided to me that several clients (whom she did not name) had come to her with a story about their assaults–a story that centered around another story.

“I told him I didn’t want him to get rough with me during sex. But he told me that he supposed I had rape fantasies, like all women did, and that I’d probably enjoyed 50 Shades of Grey,” the survivors revealed. “He told me that he knew I wanted it. Then he ignored me when I said no.”

“He raped me.”

Although sickened and enraged by this story, I was far from shocked; especially not when, at the time of the release of 50 Shades of Grey, at least one sexual assault took place immediately after the perpetrator allegedly had seen the movie and directly copied its aspects–right down to use of a man’s fashion tie as a restraint. Not to mention countless instances in which rape survivors have reported being triggered and traumatized by works like 50 Shades, and the more recent 365 Days, which glamorizes both sex abuse and drugging and kidnapping.

From a high school classmate’s assertion that the fact 9 1/2 Weeks was written by a woman proved that “Women like that sort of thing,” to the countless times that online trolls have insisted that rape can’t be all that bad because women fantasize and enjoy books and films about it, a single unfortunate truth emerges: Men use rape fiction–and rape fantasies–as excuses to rape, or at the very least to show less empathy for rape victims.

Of course, at this point, we also must discuss other truths as well. The fact is that bad people will use just about anything as an excuse to blame the victim: from the length of the survivor’s skirt to the amount of alcohol consumed by the perpetrator or survivor before the attack, to films and TV shows. When a rapist rapes, it’s the fault of the rapist. Period.

I also find it interesting that, when men fantasize about being dominated by women, nobody accuses them of coveting a violent relationship in real life. Sure, countless men fantasized about Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, and Kathleen Turner in Body Heat. But would they want to meet the business end of an icepick in real life? I hope not.

Many experts say that, instead of a desire to be threatened or harmed in real life, the core of the rape fantasy seems to be that women are afraid of acting on certain desires, for fear of being seen as slutty or promiscuous–so in their dreams, they fantasize about a man seizing control of them. My question is, though, why do we still feel ashamed to want and enjoy sex?

I was lucky enough to come to sexual maturity in the ’80s and ’90s, when fearless, openly sensual heroines ruled the book and screen. Jackie Collins filled the pages of her sexy potboilers (like “The Stud” and “The Bitch”) with strong women who demanded satisfaction, in the boardroom and the bedroom. Kathryn Harvey’s Butterfly took us inside the walls of a male bordello that catered to women, my friend Dara Joy took us to an erotic netherworld where the heroine rescues the chained up hottie hero, and Nancy Friday’s Women On Top explored the fantasies of the modern woman–which proved to be more feminist and assertive than in years past. Hence the title.

On the silver screen, we still saw stories of sexually repressed women pleasured and liberated by seductive rebel men–but they were seduced, not raped. In the 1983 film A Night in Heaven, repressed school teacher Faye Hanlon (the fantastic Lesley Ann Warren) succumbs to the temptation of a handsome college student (Christopher Atkins, arguably the male answer to Marilyn Monroe in terms of sex appeal).  Atkins’ Rick moonlights as a male stripper who, when spotting his teacher in the crowd of a strip show, tempts and teases her with a sultry lap dance and a soul kiss. Later, when he sees the married and still reluctant Faye in public, he tempts her further by praising her beauty, telling her that he enjoys erotic dreams about her, and presenting her with the old standby of a romantic red rose. Finally, when efforts to heat up her marriage fail, she joins Rick in a motel room for a heated session of lovemaking.   

In the movie Thief of Hearts, the delectable Steven Bauer plays a burglar who breaks into the home of a married couple, stealing the wife’s diaries and acting out the fantasies found within them. He pleasures Mickey, the subject of his desire (played by Barbara Williams, a smart and refreshingly real beauty), by praising and enlisting her talents as an interior designer–then, when she arrives on the job, luring her to his bedroom for some explosive sex. He tells her he’ll do anything she has ever wanted and imagined. Earlier in their courtship, he takes her for a romantic boat ride and makes a big and most impressive show of oiling up his perfect body before her hungry eyes. But later in the movie, when Mickey discovers her lover’s criminal past and he becomes overly aggressive and demanding, she leaves him and returns to her husband.

So what happened between then and now? Well again, as a proud Playgirl of the 90s and early 2000s (I even worked for the magazine and cable station), I saw what happened to women who bought Playgirl in public–they were laughed at and called desperate and sick. So were women who bought erotic romance novels with barechested hunks adorning the covers. I read a viewer’s review of A Night in Heaven stating that Faye’s husband should have murdered Faye and Rick over their affair–even though, ahem, her husband was cheating as well, with an old family friend.

And as someone who enjoys male revues, I have been told that I’m acting unladylike, that I’m allowing the dancers to wield sexual power over me, and that I should trade in male strip shows for Christian singles dances. I explain to them that I often exclaim, “Oh my GOD!” at regular intervals during lap dances.

I’m also aware of the fact that, due to the proliferation of free porn on the Internet, more young girls are seeing rough, cheap, male-directed porn at a far too young age–they grow up thinking that’s how it’s done, instead of demanding something better and more respectful.

So, in my opinion, there we have it. Women who tried novel and modernistic ways of expressing their sexuality were shoved back into the closet–and under the whip.

I know that some women would disagree, saying that–after a long day of wielding power in the boardroom–they just like to safely surrender for a while in the bedroom. Understood! But some of today’s books and films–and, sadly, real life sexual relationships–are crossing the line between voluntary bondage into intimidation, the misuse of alcohol to weaken a woman’s defenses, physical pain–and, sometimes, rape. And no matter how you look at it, that ain’t cool.

The National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-4673.

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Featured image by- Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels

Cutting It Up With Renee Olstead

Playmate Pickup Podcast

Catch brunch with a child star, a singer, a OnlyFans star, a late night star and couple of psychology students. All wrapped up in a couple of multi talented gals trying to get by in a fractionated world. Listen in on a conversation between Erika Jordan and Renee Olstead.

Instagram: XORenee

OnlyFans: XOReneeVIP

For more hot talk go back to the beginning with Erika Jordan and the birth of the Playmate Pickup Podcast.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, Playmate Pickup is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

 

Figuring What You Are Worth, and Sticking To It

In quite a few of these sex writing columns, I’ve either skirted past what a writer should charge for his or her time and work, tried to wax poetic while giving salient advice, or have skipped over the subject entirely. And while you can find plenty of formulas for calculating your time, what this or that website advises this or that kind of writing might be worth in the marketplace presently, knowing what to charge and sticking with what you charge, needs to be taken on a case-by-case basis.

Not just from one writer to another but even from the same writer considering one job over another.

Let me give you a recent example of something that was proposed to me:

An agent I had worked with a while ago, somebody who hits me up across Skype every so often or I’ll send a “Hey, how you doin’?” to every couple of months, left me a message that he has a new job for which he thinks I might be suitable. I had worked about a year-and-a half on a massive project for this guy where I had to employ six other writers to handle the workload. I made some good money, got to spread a little cash around to some writers I knew who could use it, and had some fun traveling a bit for the job. It also made me crazy in that I was locked at the computer all the time and, quite frankly, was scrambling to produce more content than was probably healthy for me to do, all because I was being paid so little I had to make it up in volume.

Hey, I had signed up. I knew what I was getting myself into, and at the time, I needed the dough badly.

The new job the guy is presenting? Well, the price for the work is, again, way too low. But these days, ten years on from the last job I did for this dude, my circumstances are a bit better (or maybe I just give less of a shit and really don’t want to aggravate myself now). These days I can choose to be slightly more picky with the work I may take (slightly) and once again, the price the agent quoted me is so low I can’t see clear to expending the time and energy on this job. I countered with a ‘family-and-friends,’ rate but I doubt the client will come up as much as I need them to… and believe me, I’m being very reasonable. I really would like to help the agent and a few more jingles in my old coin purse would not hurt, but I can’t take steps backwards.

But even when you are desperate for work, or know what you’ll be doing might be kinda fun (this new job would be writing dirty evergreen articles, a job that’s right up my back alley, so to speak) there are just some jobs that are not going to be right for you.

Working as hard as I have over these years I have found what I feel I am worth and generally I try and stick to this price quote. Assuredly this calculation wasn’t easily come by and making it for yourself will be one of the harder aspects of the freelance writing life you’ll come to. Like I mentioned, you can rely on formulas and calculations, or even simply assume what you’re worth, but you could come to price yourself out of jobs well before you have the skills or experience to handle them. Or you could quote yourself too low.

I’ve done both.

Consider how long you have been at this, what your unique skills are, and what the job will entail. Think hard on the job presented, will it require you to bend to a learning curve, or is it something you could jump right into? Has the time come now for you to up your quote? Have you just completed a bunch of work that you feel has really increased your skills and even your reputation? Or are you feeling the bite of a tough personal economy and think it might be prudent to adjust your quote, at least for a little while?

Get what you think what you are worth my dear fellow writers but always think hard on what that might be.

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Featured Image by Photo by maitree rimthong from Pexels

SEXPERT PANEL ON SEXUAL HEALING

This event has passed, but you can watch the replay below!

Don’t miss the latest Sexpert Panel on Sexual Healing, hosted by LoveUniv.com and sponsored by CalExotics Pleasure Products with their new line SheOlogy and TheyOlogy.

Sponsored by:

And one lucky attendee will be chosen to win an adult toy gift basket, but you must be registered and in attendance to win.

I will be giving away my video Sexycises By Sexperts: Yin Yang Yoga for Intimacy. Top experts in sexual health and pleasure demonstrate how to stay connected on the journey to sexual fitness and satisfaction, using the blended energies of yin and yang.

We have an amazing panel of Sexperts, including my friend Sexologist and Author Dr. Sadie Allison, who has created a CBD lubricant with her partner John Renko, to help women suffering from panful intercourse. She is giving all attendees one of her bestselling eBooks on the Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris.

You’ll also meet Dr. Cat Meyer, Sex Therapist, PhyD, Global Speaker and Yoga Therapist who I have worked with when we created a Feminine Healing Retreat in Thailand.

Dr. Cat and I also worked together on Sexycises by Sexperts, where you will see her beautiful partner yoga demonstrations. She is gifting everyone her Audio Guide on How to Discover Your Inner Sex Kitten.

Laurie Handlers is a Tantra Teacher, Intimacy Coach and Spiritual Leader who is sharing her fantastic book with all attendees on Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy. We both gave seminars at The Hedonism 11 Resort in Jamaica to a fun group and she’s a dynamic speaker and healer.

One of Love Univ’s graduates is Jacqui Rubinoff, who is a Certified Love Coach and Entrepreneur with a line of pheromones that can help people to connect with each other. We worked together developing pheromone infused jewelry that is available on her Eye of Love website and she’s going to give away a pheromone infused necklace to one lucky raffle winner.

I’m excited to announce that one of the panelists is going to be Heather Montgomery, Founder and CEO of PleazeMe, a powerful and passionate Sexpert who is taking the largest sex positive platform by storm with her innovators and educators of sexual wellness.

A panel on Sexual Healing wouldn’t be complete without a Sexological Body Worker, Sabrina Jackson is also a Certified Love Coach and Certified Massage Therapist, who dedicates her work to helping people through trauma with holistic her healing solutions. She is giving away a 45-minute virtual session on breathwork for healing to one lucky raffle winner.

Alina Vegara is also a graduate of Love Univ and works as a Certified Love Coach through her professional website Ace of Hearts, which is founded to help people find and maintain love. She is also a professional matchmaker and is giving away a Free Coaching Consultation to a lucky raffle winner.

Our moderator will be Tamara Bell, Love Univ’s Student Ambassador and Mentor, founder of HPPPA and Certified Love Coach since 2008. She’s excited about moderating this panel of Sexperts and will have some great questions to ask the panelists, but you can also send your questions in advance by signing up to register now to get fabulous FREE gifts!

https://www.loveuniv.com/sexpert-panel

 

Look Alive, Guys! Time to Seduce Your Lady

A few years ago, while appearing as a guest on a feminist radio show, I bristled a bit when another guest opined, “It’s OK for a wife or girlfriend to play sexy for her man, being his whore, as long as he still respects and appreciates her.”

“I agree with the substance of what you’re saying,” I said, being more judicious than I am–like, ever. “My question is, Why is it the women who are always expected to dress and act sexy for her man–and never the reverse?”

The hostess of the show immediately concurred, “It seems the women are always supposed to put on the show. All the men have to do is buy tickets and take a seat.”

….And it’s been this way since time immemorial. Back in the ’50s, magazine articles taught shy wives how to undress for their husbands. In the ’60s, the hit song “Wives and Lovers” warned wives that they’d better have that blasted makeup on and curlers off when their man walked through that door, or she would drive him over the edge of fidelity and force him to cheat with a ‘girl at the office.’ Those pesky girls at the office. Drat them.

Common advice dished out to women seeking to please their man often includes, “Act like his hooker, his secretary, his schoolgirl.” Could you ever imagine telling a man, “Act Like her gigolo, her hot assistant, her schoolboy?”

Now, I’m not suggesting that a woman shouldn’t dress up and vamp to please her man–but my point (and I do have one–two, in fact) is that she shouldn’t feel coerced into doing something she’s uncomfortable with for fear that her man will cheat.

For example: a woman who might have been sexually abused as a child might feel very uncomfortable dressing as a schoolgirl, and might prefer instead to play a dominatrix in a hot pleather bustier–calling him Darling instead of Daddy. A woman with body image issues might feel more comfortable in a long, figure-flattering white silk nightgown than a skimpy negligee.

And at the same time, a man can do lots of things to repay the favor: teasing and seducing his hardworking wife, so she doesn’t dally with those boys at the office.

Now I do realize that certain men’s magazines offer features on how guys can spice things up in the bedroom. Yet I’ve read these features and the suggestions they offer range from the creepy (“Tell her that you’re a skin magazine photographer and you want to shoot her photos”–um, do they not realize that this is how several infamous serial killers lured victims to their deaths?) to the sad (Buy her some new sexy underwear? That’s fulfilling his fantasy, not hers) to the all too obvious (Do the dishes one night after dinner. That’s not fantasy fulfillment, it’s an everyday responsibility).

It’s time that a woman taught men how to seduce their ladies. So pay ample heed, Boys, as the Feminist Sexpert is only going to say this once:

 1. Roleplaying.

The sexy leading man Hugh Jackman has said that his kickass wife Deborra Lee Furness often asks him to bring costumes home from his movie sets, so she can feel as though as she’s having affairs with the heroes he portrays. And while filming Magic Mike, Channing Tatum said he put on private shows for then wife Jenna Dewan. And while every man might not be a professional actor with a full wardrobe filled with sexy costumes at his disposal, what he can do is pay the occasional trip to a men’s wear store to buy some G-strings or sexy thongs, or to a costume store–renting the pirate’s costume, the kilt, the policeman’s uniform, or the Marine whites that will really drive her wild.

Or just get a nice haircut, throw on a new suit, and appear at the house in the role of a seductive stranger–someone who’s been admiring her from afar, and who is there to entice her away from her husband. Or simply throw on a thong or some sexy shorts, and play the role of the seductive poolboy. Even if you don’t happen to have a pool. Believe me, she won’t care.


2. Fantasy fulfillment.

Some women may say that they don’t have sexual fantasies, or they’re too bashful to say them aloud. Yet the curious husband can sneak a peek at her favorite romance novels, soap operas, or romantic films to get an idea of her innermost intimate thoughts. Or you might even buy her an empowering erotic book and offer to act out its scenes. I’ve heard those are widely available.


3. Couples porn.

Yeah, I know. If you have to listen to that bloody sax music or to some sculpted couple talking at length about their predestined love for one another… but if you feel that way about couples porn, imagine how she feels about watching the 58th edition of Banging the Baby-sitter or Kiki Does Kansas.

You can still watch these flicks, alone or with your buddies. When you’re with her, try a title by Bright Desire, Strawberry Seductress, Lust Films, Sweet Sinner, Anna Span, Playgirl, Adam and Eve, or Femme. As far as couples porn, some of my favorites include the sprawling historical romance Immortal Desire, Hardbound (directed and written by the husband and wife team of Bob and Deborah Chinn) and Candida Royalle’s My Surrender. I’ve also heard that Marriage 2.0 is a towering achievement in adult cinema, even–haven’t seen that one yet, but the presence of Ryan friggin’ Driller in the cast guarantees that I will someday.

 

4. Massage.

Who doesn’t love an invigorating massage, performed with some essential oils? Don’t forget the candles, the low lights, and the dirty talk!

5. Indulging her crushes.

No matter how much you love your wife, no doubt you entertain fantasies about a certain supermodel, porn star or centerfold. So if she seems infatuated with a soap star, rock star or film or TV actor, don’t scoff at the TV screen and say, “I bet he’s GAY!” Instead buy her a CD or DVD that features his work or a magazine that features his likeness–or park her in front of the TV and slip out of the room when his show is on, letting her enjoy her fantasy date. Why should you do this? Because he makes her horny. And, at the end of the evening, it’s you that benefits. 


6. Striptease.

You don’t have to have the moves of Channing Tatum to pull off a most effective striptease. A hot costume and a basic body roll will get you far in life–and with your wife. And, again, I’ve heard there are books on the subject.



In dishing out this advice, I offer the same qualifier that I would to the ladies. Don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Yet in the event that you do elect to do this stuff, you get more sex–and, in the long run, a very happy lady. You’re welcome.
 

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Featured image by- Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay

Should I date my best friend?

should i date my best friend
Featured image from Elle Hughes- Pexels

Isn’t friendship the same as love sans the sex? We learn more and more about the complexities of friendship everyday. Moreover, researches show that romantic relations based on friendship are usually the happiest and strongest.

The longer you know someone, the more they become attractive to you. Have you ever been around someone that you initially blew off as not your type but the longer you were around them, the more they appealed to you?

All relationships really need the foundations of a strong friendship in order to withstand everything that life throws at couples, including acts of god and the shit that we put each other through.

The most long-lasting and satisfying romantic relationships are the ones that are about more than sexual chemistry. I mean, it doesn’t hurt… but you can only have sex so many times a day. What happens when he can’t get it up anymore? A fun friendship with an attractive person can make you feel dumb for even questioning whether you should date or not.

Usually, something big needs to happen in order for one of you to finally take that step. A move to a different state, an engagement, something that is changing your lives forever anyway so if, the reaction isn’t what you expected, there’s nothing to lose.

So, how else do you know when it’s time approach your friend about your feelings?

1. The awkwardness is gone

He has seen you at your best: dolled up and how you want the world to see you. And at your worst: no makeup, baggy clothes, crying your eyes out. He knows that you feel comfortable with him and is well aware of your likes, dislikes, quirks and pet peeves. You are sure by now that he will not judge or criticize you.

3. You always have plans.

As buddies, you spend a lot of time together and do a lot of activities. As your friendship grows, you discover common interests and already know which activities you both enjoy. The beauty of this is that when you start dating, you simply continue the routine. You do not have to adapt to the interests of a new person in your life or change tastes once you are together.

4. They knows your life + goals

When someone falls in love with their best friend, the friend is usually someone that’s been around since school or college. He saw you working hard at your first shit jobs, borrowing money from friends or siblings to pay the rent for the next month. Your friend knows about your past, as well as future plans, career ambitions, and goals. He always supports and gives you good advice. You won’t have any disagreements about life ambitions because he has been with you from the moment you started dreaming about what you want out of life and love. This kind of understanding and encouragement is important for your individual growth, professional development, and your future as a supportive couple.

5. It is comfortable and feels right

When you reach a certain amount of comfort in a relationship, there is no need to impress one another, or to hide any feelings because you are shy or indecisive. Thanks to your friendship, you have already reached the level of comfort that some couples have only after a long time living together. You can say goodbye to fears or uncertainties, and it allows your relationship to develop in a harmonious way.

Warning: Be prepared to lose your friend if things don’t go how you planned. Plan the reveal carefully and remember that you may not be seeing all the potential problems that could entail dating your friend because you have only seen them through the rosy, friendship filter. The romantic-partner filter is a bit more complicated. Sex really changes a friendship, and if it doesn’t work out then you risk losing them forever, but if you think the reward is worth the risk, then shoot your shot.

Change your mind about dating your friend but still need a boost in your dating and sex life? Why not sign up for a new dating site to see who else is (or isn’t) out there? With so many new dating sites and apps out there, how do you choose one? 

Make sure you read 6 things to look for in a new dating site to help you narrow the field! 

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This article originally appeared on ElyShouldKnow

 

Sex Writing: How to Write Naughty Dialogue

sexy dialogue

The Art of Writing Dirty Dialogue for Erotica Writers

What somebody says can be just as interesting and downright disgustingly perverted (in a good way) as what they do. Or so I try to write in my fiction. Sure, there are those scenes where I have two or more people baring their pink parts for various tickles, touches, and teasing, in complete silence… save a moan or two. But lots of times, my characters talk a good bunch of the naughty before they get down, especially when one character is doming another and might want to mentally tease and taunt well before they do so physically.

So, writing naughty dialogue is very important to bring your characters to life and add a bit of sizzling foreplay to your scenes.

How to Write Naughty Dialogue

How do you do it then?

IDF-ingK!

Ok, that’s not true. I do know. But as with everything else I have imparted so far in this series, how you write a few lines of back-and-forth banter or a long single-character diatribe should come organically from the scene you set up and how you believe your characters might sound.

Sure, there are those instances where somebody might be enacting a little role-play and therefore speaking in a manner they usually don’t (baby talk, stern master or mistress, maybe even with an accent they don’t actually have). But, as you do with all of your erotica, you should be searching for truth in your words, be they dialogue or description.

When a character opens their mouth, they should sound like themselves or the selves you have established along the way. Unless they are possessed or schizophrenic… or again, playing a role.

Masters of Written Word

One of the masters of the written word, Steven King (no slouch in the old writing department) makes a mention in his book On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft that he’s as cautious of the overuse of adjectives as he is with the ‘he said,’ ‘she moaned,’ ‘he admitted,’ kind of dialogue descriptors. He does have a point. That extra stuff added at the end of some dialogue can slow it down. I think once you have established who is speaking to who, then you can probably let go of the ‘he/she said’ stuff unless a character is doing something specific when speaking that you want to have your audience ‘hear.’

“So, you admit you’ve been a bad boy,” Juanita said, giving Tom’s tight testicles another flick with her belt.

That kind of a thing.

Dialoging Sounds

I have gone whole pages with just dialogue written, nothing else. I am also fond of letting loose with a “SMACK” or a “TITPAT” to describe the sounds a paddle makes on a pair of bare buttocks or just the drumming of fingers across the inside of a thigh. So, you might come to want to create dialogue as much as sound, and we all know, with erotica, there are many options for sound.

I mentioned the fantastic writer Roger Zelazny a few columns back and his masterful ability for writing dialogue so economically, but at the same time so chock-full of a character’s voice, I came to know the men and women who populate Zelazny’s infamous Amber Chronicles as much by their actions as from their repartee.

You can aspire to be as good as Zelazny, but good luck getting to his level… or Steven King, for that matter. These dudes are masters of the craft.

Do What You Do Best

Lastly, you don’t have to write dialogue at all. What you scribble forth is your baby, birth and nurture it the way you see fit. Or your dialogue could just be to get you from one heavy humping scene to another and not be all that interesting or informative.

It is all up to you. I am just saying if you feel dialogue is right for a particular story you are writing, stay true to the characters. Try to listen to how they speak (you can even read the dialogue out loud if you want, sometimes hearing it helps to determine its authenticity to your ears) and don’t get mired in having to hold your reader’s hand every step of the way with who is saying what when.

Beefcake Porn for Women: The Final Frontier for Feminist Porn

A few months ago, I was watching an old episode of The Phil Donahue Show that centered around the subject of adult entertainment. The show’s featured guests included the amazing screen goddesses Hyapatia Lee and Nina Hartley–both of whom spoke with grace and articulance about the emerging role of women as directors, writers and empowered actresses in XXX. One of the films discussed was Hartley’s comedy Debbie Does Dishes.

At one point in the show, a minor but audible commotion arose in the back of the studio as two female audience members rose to their feet.

“Why can’t it ever be Dave Does Dishes?” one woman asked. “Men are there in the movies, but they’re not highlighted.”

“Where are the men sex stars?” another demanded.

More than 30 years later, I as an erotica author, content creator and Feminist Sexpert have a definitive answer for these ladies.

“Your guess is as blasted good as mine.”

For while women have come so far in the adult industry, not only appearing in but writing and directing top quality couples features, I still believe that there remains a single unconquered territory in the vast world of femme porn: Beefcake porn for women.

If you visit the amazing website Hot Movies for Her, you will find many woman-positive movies. What you won’t find is a single DVD cover that features a pouty, barechested, smoky-eyed hunk ready to seduce his prospective female audience.

“But MEG!” You might be sighing at this point. “Women are different. They’re not as visual.”

Ah, but what do you find on the covers of romance novels geared toward women–including my own? That’s right!  A pouty, barechested, smoky-eyed hunk ready to seduce his prospective female audience.

In addition, male revues for women–including Chippendales, La Bare, Hollywood Men, Thunder Down Under, etc.–draw packed to capacity crowds. 

Yet in the realm of adult films, hardcore movies that feature male stars and male solo covers are overwhelmingly directed toward a gay male audience. And believe me, women notice.

As the onetime administrator of Fempower, a feminist porn blog, I proudly ran lists of winners for the Feminist Porn Awards each year. I also fielded responses from women asking why so many of the winners were lesbian titles, or straight films that still showcased the visual appeal of their female stars.

“If these films are made for women,” one reader wrote. “Why are we still looking at naked women?”

Of course these films deserve recognition; and, after all, it’s tough to honor films that pretty much don’t exist.

Or do they? Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as beefcake porn for women–it’s just that the titles are few and far between.

If anything, the softcore sphere has done a much better job of serving up beefcake for female viewers. The early 1990s brought us softcore classics like Cabin Fever, an older woman/younger man romance directed by Deborah Shames and starring Judd Dunning and Belinda Farrell. And of particular note is The Love Scenes series, a sumptuous set of four films that featured Playgirl models, male exotic dancers and beefcake models in extended softcore love scenes (hence the title) with women. The scenarios are an exercise in the concept, “Turnabout Is Fore Play,” depicting female photographers with male models, male strippers performing for a female audience of one, actors “auditioning” for female directors, etc.

Even mainstream features like American Gigolo and Thief of Hearts offered stories and visuals that aimed to satisfy female viewers.

Back in the hardcore realm, 1995’s The Fuckingdales On Tour starred gorgeous Australian adult star Gerry Pike (himself an ex-stripper) and chronicled the erotic adventures of a male revue as they entertained female groupies, in more ways than one. In 1987, the top male porn stars of the era made up the cast of The Touchables, about a male bordello for women. In 1986, Club Exotica claimed a male exotic dance club as its setting.

In the early 2000s, the adult industry seemed to be headed in the right direction, thanks to Playgirl and Inpulse studios. (Full disclosure: I worked for Playgirl and wrote the back cover copy for their Erotic Encounters and Private Pleasures DVDs–go, me!) Both studios flipped the script in brilliant fashion, showcasing its male talent on its covers and releasing showcase titles featuring major porn studs (Jean Val Jean and Niko for Playgirl, Julian and Evan Stone for Inpulse). And Playgirl titles were directed exclusively by women, including my friend and mentor Kelly Holland.

 

 

 

 

Adam and Eve released a gem in 2000 with Hardbound, in which Hartley starred with the gorgeous Dale Dabone in an adult romantic comedy advertised in Playgirl with the use of Dabone’s picture. In 2003, Candida Royalle’s Stud Hunters centered around a female director’s search for the perfect porn stud.

An interesting case is presented in the form of 2002’s For Women Only, part one. Directed by Cameron Rose, this is a sexy and romantic vignette film that explores women’s fantasies. It’s an excellent erotic film in itself, but also calls attention to the issue at hand in the form of its DVD cover–which features a buncha naked women.

“Many of us female viewers have long wondered why the front covers rarely include photographs of men, or at the very least, photographs of partners which display the men as prominently as the women,” wrote reviewer YogaGrrl in her review for the film at Adult DVD Talk (1). Still she said the film pleased her inner goddess–and that goes ditto for me.

The fab Anna Span brought us Be My Boy Toy in 2010. In 2011, the amazing feminist adult filmmaker Petra Joy gave us The Female Voyeur, all about men performing to the satisfaction of women. In 2014, the awesome Ms. Naughty’s The Fantasy Project brought us a Clothed Female Naked Male cover and a rich, hot exploration of female fantasies. Erika Lust has made several contributions to this favored porn genre of mine.

And from the early to mid 2000s, director/actress Tina Tyler gave us a hand with The Handyman series, which featured hot male solo scenes for women. Then in 2015, Wicked released a hardcore parody of Magic Mike XXL, Magic Mike XXXL (see what they did there, Folks?). Lately, though, it seems to me that even films directed at women seem to boast females in lingerie on the DVD covers–and often in ropes or ties, which I have a lot to say about, as well. But that’s another blog.

For now, I say that the feminist porn oeuvre is not complete without some steamy hot servings of beefcake. What do you say, Ladies?

Also, a memo to the adult industry: Dave Does Dishes. Make it happen!

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  1. https://www.adultdvdtalk.com/review/for-women-only-1-girls-on-guys

 

Anal Sex: 10 Tips to Truly Enjoying Back Door Play

Have you tried Anal Sex?

For many women, anal sex remains an unfamiliar or uncomfortable experience. There are many factors that can add to this ambivalence and avoidance (we’ve all heard horror stories!). Ruling out the rear seems to be the safe bet… but that seems to be changing.

Peach, the Forbidden Fruit…

Because of this, the peach has become forbidden fruit to most straight men (but let’s be honest, we all appreciate a nice ass). Anal sex porn searches have increased 120% in the US and 78% worldwide between 2009-2015, according to Pornhub Insights.[1] And ass worship has undoubtedly gained in popularity since.

Why the increase in interest?

Partially inspired by fitness trends, twerkin’ and famous big booties we all know and love, like Kim Kardashian’s, it seems this newfound interest in ass is not one sided. A study done in 2010 found that 46% of women questioned had participated in anal sex, compared to 33% in 1992.[2]

Lube Up!

So at least half of all women are possibly missing out on a potentially pleasurable experience. Although that’s just my opinion and they are like assholes… you get it. Everyone has one.

Why are we so uptight about anal sex, and how can we change that?

Here are ten tips to help take the pain out of initiating anal with your partner tonight:

1. Educate Yourself.

Inform your partner of your Expectations and Desires. Communicating and discussing your and your partner’s wishes prior to play will increase likelihood of a positive experience, every time. Dr Ava Cadell’s Back Door Play course at LoveUniv.com is an excellent resource for couple’s to learn and in and outs of anal sex.

2. Fools Rush In!

Be sure to take your time and do not rush the anal sex experience. External stimulation, erotic massage, and oral sex are all great precursors to anal, but due to the nature of ass play are often best done prior to avoid awkward pauses for clean up in between. So take your time taking care of business before you take the booty.

3. To Douche or not to Douche?

I think the general fear of excrement (and grossing out your partner) has always been the number one hesitancy regarding anal sex regardless of gender. I learned from my gay male friends that with douching, you can feel more confident approaching the situation sans poop. Enemas, douches and general soaping up of the booty can be done alone in no time or with your partner for added intimacy if you’re into that.

4. Lube, Baby, Lube.

I cannot stress this enough; using a high quality lubricant will take your sexual experience from tear-ifying to tear-rific (that double pun hurt me, too, but not as much as not using lube will hurt you). Use good quality, organic products down there to avoid infections or allergic reactions, and don’t use in excess! Start with a small dollop and work your way up as needed. From my experience, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing in this circumstance.

5. Butt Plugs for the People.

Not only are they super pretty and come in endless styles, butt plugs are very useful in assisting in relaxing, stretching and playing prior to full anal penetration. A sparkly or shiny plug takes away from the “dirty” perceptions of the anus by accessorizing. My personal favorite is a plug with a tail attached for pulling, tugging and holding down.

6. Spank Me!

Flogging, slapping, whipping, are all external ways to ease into back door play – using a variety of external stimuli keeps your partner’s anticipation high – and eagerness to please even higher. Maybe restraints would help them get in the mood? Find out what your partner is comfortable with regarding any BDSM activity to best cater to their pleasure and always be consensual and safe.

7. Eat it Up.

If you’re both down to go down, orally stimulating your partner’s ass will definitely assist in relaxing and lubricating before attempting penetration. Flavored lubricants or coconut oil work well here. Don’t be afraid to lick, nibble and bite the meaty parts. As usual, start slowly and increase intensity until they’re face down, ass up (’cause that’s the way we like to f*ck). Ass eating is definitely the most offered sexual favor on Tinder currently, so make sure your seat is clean (that one works both ways).

8. Practice Anal Etiquette.

Like all forms of sexual activity, anal comes with risks. Make sure you have lots of condoms, gloves and wipes on hand to help keep your butt-play hygienic and safe for both parties. Though it can be easy to forget in the heat of the moment, always change condoms between anal and vaginal penetration, wash hands, sex toys and genitals after anal stimulation to prevent dangerous bacterial infections.

9. Keep Checking In.

Something that may have been okay at first can quickly become uncomfortable when venturing into anal territory. Regularly checking with your partner’s comfort and pleasure is key! This reinforces trust and establishes safe sexual boundaries. And increases likelihood of more backdoor excursions in the future, if you’re both so inclined.

10. Have Fun!

There is so much pleasure and fun to be found in exploring new erogenous zones with your partner. Remember not to take it too seriously and roll with any fumbles you may encounter together! Sex is not about replicating pornography or performing but finding a genuine physical connection with your partner. What works for others may not work for you, but there’s only one way to find out. 😉

Conclusion

Ultimately, ass play is more than worth the small steps one must take to ensure safety, enjoyment and pleasure. From ass worship to whipping with 9-tails, you will find what works best for you if you venture out into new waters. If you want to see how you feel about anal, I personally recommend masturbating with a butt plug, or a small dildo and trying out the above tips before attempting anal intercourse with another person. This may help you discover your own angles and preferences so communication is as smooth as your well lubricated insertion.

Written from the perspective of a cisgender, bisexual woman.

References:
1. https://www.pornhub.com/insights/anal-searches-increase
2. https://www.loveuniv.com/programs

Robots: Future of Sex?!

Is sex with robots the future of the sex industry? Sex with a robot is a social trend these days, the popularity of which has a clear exponentially growing curve. Already we are seeing robotic companions help us in various areas of life. What can be expected in the future, will sexbots replace interpersonal and sexual relationships?

Article content:

 

The growing interest in sex with robots

According to the American show Nightline, up to 25% of American men are interested in a relationship with a sex robot in the foreseeable future. According to The Independent, up to 52% of German men would like to interact with a sex robot. In the UK it is up to 47%.

Many residents do not yet have a clear opinion on sex robots, however the idea of ​​using them is tempting. Sexbots can also offer a number of other functions than just sexual games.

Modern sexbots provide not only sex, but also communication, a selection of characteristics, and expressions of emotion.

So to some extent you can replace your partner. However, the question remains to what level these modern sophisticated machines will remain just another alternative to sex or a complete replacement.

Possible spice up of sex life

Sex doll Rebecca © Naughty Harbor

According to sexologist Mr. Zlatko Pastor, sexbots will be used as often and in the same way as vibrators in 50 years. Human sexuality is constantly evolving and is shaped more by the psychosocial setting of society than by biology itself.

What is considered normal by society today may not be normal in 20 years. In a few decades time, sex with a robot should not be something seen as abnormal, but rather quite common. Virtual sex with cyber bots (or avatars) is a new trend now and is growing in popularity.

Of course, this will not be a completely affordable matter, as the price of a single sex robot is based on an average of 2,000 €. With the development of artificial intelligence and overall construction, sexbots will be so similar to humans that they will be indistinguishable in places.

Already today, there are high-quality forms of silicone, which after subsequent texturing can create a believable imitation of human skin. It is speculated that our artificial companions will soon have a heating system to mimic the heat of the human body.

People simply like to try new things, and the emergence of various erotic aids over time is proof of that. However, sexuality is now moving more into virtual space, which provides a number of benefits.

The clear advantages of sexbots include their ability to be optimized and set up exactly according to our needs and wishes. The risks of contracting sexually transmitted diseases are zero, this is something new that the company is just forming an opinion on.

Let’s look at a few examples in a world where a virtual relationship or sex with a robot is quite common.

Welcome to Japan!

Japan, a country of incredible technological progress and productivity, and at the same time the country with the lowest birth rate in the world. A country where a woman must arrange her pregnancy with her employer in advance.

This is how Japan can be briefly described. According to co-founder of the Stanford Laboratory for Research on Human Behavior in the Virtual World, Jeremy Baileson, the state of Japan is outside the table of common Western countries.

According to the very renowned portal The Guardian, 70% of Japanese men and 75% of Japanese women, under the age of 20, are without any sexual experience.

Furthermore, between the ages of 20 and 29, 30% of single women and 15% of single men are in love with virtual mems or anime characters. For these people, there is already a Japanese term “moe” – a person in a virtual relationship.

With its culture and social setting, Japan can give us an example of where things can go. As a tourist, you can visit a number of erotic businesses, which have robotic sexual services.

However, it is worth noting that the reduced interest in partner sex and relationships in Japan is created by a strict approach to work rather than a high offer of virtual and robotic sexual services.

The Japanese working lifestyle is incredibly long and the people live under permanent stress, which in itself does not create much room for relationship building and sexual intercourse. Can such a sexbot be used in other ways, for example for medical purposes?

Sexbot as a safe therapeutic aid

Many people have negative sexual experiences. In many sexological therapies, various aids are used to reopen the patient’s sexuality, thanks to which people are able to return to an enjoyable sexual life.

Today, such therapeutic aids  include vibrators, dildos and mirrors for example. Sexbots, thanks to their almost unrecognizable imitation of humans, can be one of the best aids in sexual therapies.

In addition to resembling the human body, sex robots can also offer human-like behavior and movements. They can be optimized for the patient’s needs and there is no risk of incompatibility as well as many other benefits.

Should we be excited?

Sex doll Vivian © Naughty Harbor

Not only for therapeutic reasons, the demand for their use is growing worldwide. The production and improvement of sex robots is on the rise and we can expect their usage around the globe to increase in the future.

Unlike in Japan, sex doll usage is seen as more of a way to spice up ones sex life instead of something that can be used as a partner substitute.

We are seeing more common realistic sex doll usage however, and its only a matter of time before they are integrated into society on a much wider scale.