Please don’t hate me, Grammarly, but I really don’t give a f***

By

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March 15, 2021

pencil-1758276_640 — Image by AxxLC from Pixabay

I just hit a “Centenary Superhero” milestone with Grammarly (don’t worry, I didn’t know what it was either). In using the basic grammar program, which I do indeed recommend, I get reports on my writing from the company all the time. In addition to this new milestone, I am presently 82% more productive, 29% more accurate, and use 93% more unique words than the rest of Grammarly’s users.

Well, whoopie for me, huh?

Actually, between you and I, I don’t rightly give a rat’s dingus. If I could stop Grammarly’s insidious checking in and reporting on me, I would. I don’t need their tickling of my taint. I don’t rightly care how I measure up against others. I don’t even want to keep score on what I’ve managed to do.

This writing thing, penning naughty words, and mainstream stuff, is my livelihood. I am not in a competition or along for the ride of social media approbation. Sure, I want an audience. Sure, I love it when people connect with a story or come back to me and tell me how something they read of mine gave them a nice warm feeling (just as long as I don’t have to help them wipe up). And I especially like when I give forth on a class of would-be writers, as my buddy and fellow writer M. Christian and I have done on a few occasions at the kink conventions we have presented at… and hopefully will present at again with all this COVID b.s. is over. But I don’t care a whit about the opinion of some algorithm.

This Grammarly update speaks to a more significant dilemma of our modern world, and one I shan’t really dive into here. But generally, because of social media infecting our lives as it has (or more precisely how we have infected ourselves with it), people find it very hard to do anything without a response. People sign-up for exercise programs and eat well campaigns, enjoy Zoom instructions, pretty much get together across digital platforms consistently.

Sure, I’ll give you the pandemic. I know that has pushed us into isolation more than anything we have ever experienced on the planet. But why do we need confirmation so bad, the return tweet, and the ‘like,’ the fellow dieters? And why would Grammarly think I’d give a… well… a rat’s dingus, that I surpassed one of their milestones?

I’m too busy writing, which you should be too!

Endometriosis and Sexual Health

By

Debra Shade

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March 10, 2021

pexels-sora-shimazaki-5938351 — Photo by Sora Shimazaki from Pexels

March is Endometriosis Month.

Endometriosis is when the uterine inner lining develops outside the uterus. Endometriosis affects your sexual life. Sex can become extremely painful. But let me tell you, you may have to go through hella testing before it is appropriately diagnosed. Delightfully we have a month dedicated to bringing awareness around endometriosis. The pain felt from the disease can be severe, especially during your cycle and sex.

The thicken lining breaks down and bleeds with each menstrual cycle, however the excess tissue has no way to exit the body. It grows and spreads and can affect the ovaries. Scar tissue and adhesions cause pelvic tissue and organs to stick to each other. Untreated, eventually you will experience fertility issues. Because there is limited information about the disease, we do know that doctors are quick to suggest a version of a hysterectomy to rectify the matter.

This is a very common issue among vulva owners. The bladder and intestines can develop complications as well. Treatment is a necessity; it will not go away on its own. Vulva owners between 18 and 35 are most susceptible.

What Are the Signs of Endometriosis?

What signs are you looking for to help you suspect endometriosis? Each of us is different so watch for what you know does not feel right for your body.

Some symptoms include:

Experience painful periods (dysmenorrhea)
Pelvic pain and cramping that begin before and goes several days into your cycle
Lower back and stomach pain
Suddenly start to experience pain during sex
A huge sign is excessive bleeding
Infertility and fertility issues
Other symptoms may include fatigue, diarrhea, constipation, bloating and nausea, especially during menstrual periods.

Sometimes, endometriosis is first diagnosed when you seek treatment for infertility. Many times, vulva owners find it hard to conceive, and this could be because of the thickening of the lining that prevents an egg from uniting with the sperm. Something to keep in mind is that endometriosis is sometimes mistaken for other conditions that can cause pelvic pain, such as pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) or ovarian cysts. It may be confused with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), a condition that causes bouts of diarrhea, constipation, and abdominal cramping.

When to Seek Treatment

So, when should you see a doctor? Immediately, when you feel that your cycle is not ‘right”, and pain is severe enough to disrupt your daily activities. The sooner you seek a doctor’s care, the better your chances of beating the disease. An early diagnosis by a multidisciplinary medical team will result in great management of your symptoms and to develop a game plan to treat the disease.

What Causes Endometriosis?

You may be thinking what causes endometriosis? While it is not certain, there are a few explanations such as retrograde menstruation. This is when menstrual blood flows back through the fallopian tubes and into the pelvic cavity. Transformation of peritoneal cells suggest that hormones or immune factor’s promote transformation of peritoneal cells that line the inner side of the abdomen. The transformation of embryonic cells such as estrogen may transform embryonic cells into endometrial like cells during puberty. After a surgery, surgical scar implantation can cause cells to attach to the surgical incision. The lymphatic system may transport endometrial cells to other parts of the body known as endometrial cell transport.

Other Risk Factors

Finally, an immune system disorder may make the body unable to recognize and destroy endometrial like tissue that grows outside the uterus. Bear with me as I list risk factors. If you know them, you can better manage your health.

Things like:

Never giving birth
Going through menopause at an older age
Short menstrual cycles
Starting your cycle at an early age
Heavy cycles that last longer than 7 days
Having higher levels of estrogen in your body
Low body mass index
And even having one or more relatives with endometriosis can be a risk factor for you.

Any medical condition that prevents the normal passage of your flow out of the body and lastly any reproductive tract abnormalities are all risk factors.

What Happens If I Go Untreated?

The dreaded diagnosis of cancer is a possibility if you leave endometriosis untreated. Ovarian cancer does occur at higher than expected rates in those with endometriosis. The more you know, the better.

Use this month to find out more about endometriosis. As a vulva owner, you should do what you can to protect yourself, as early detection can let you take control of this health issue that affects your sexual health.

Remembering Playgirl: Entertainment for Women (No, Really!)

By

Megan Hussey

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March 10, 2021

By Megan Hussey, The Feminist Sexpert

As we celebrate Women’s History Month in March (Happy Women’s History Month by the way—huzzah!), we also pause to remember those who time has forgotten—those women who, whether individually or as a group, have been omitted from history books and deleted from popular culture.

I know something about those women, and women’s groups—because I’m one of them.

I’m Megan Hussey, Feminist Sexpert at Sexpert.Com, erotica author, journalist and feminist activist. And in the early 2000s, I was the leader of the Playgirl Posse, Playgirl’s fan club.

Upon reading this information, some readers may have done such a swift double take that they now suffer from whiplash. Sorry about that! This is because, at least once every few months, I read online that Playgirl was a gay magazine read only by gay men. Oh, and for good measure, they say all of the models were gay too.

I have nothing against gay people or gay porn. What I do have something against is the total cultural erasure of Playgirl’s initial mission and female readership. It kinda sucks to be told that one doesn’t exist, ya know?

I was a woman who strongly responded to the message, mission and models of Playgirl, counting it as that single tool that helped get me through lonely nights, bad breakups, and even college! Because aside from being a feminist since birth (I often joke that I came out of the womb with the sole intention of overthrowing the patriarchy by preschool), I just really loved seeing hot men with little to no clothes. And how.

As a magazine, Playgirl was created in the early ‘70s for women as a feminist response to Playboy–and for most of its run, the magazine’s readership was split down the middle between gay men and straight women. Aside from centerfolds that were romantically shot, far less graphically than those featured in gay beefcake magazines, Playgirl magazine featured erotic fantasies and photo layouts featuring female/male couples, interviews with female celebrities, articles about issues like feminism, women in the workplace, dating violence, and reviews of erotic books and films.

The PlaygirlTV hardcore DVDs, introduced in the early 2000s, showed heterosexual couples and showcased male stars like Jean Val Jean, Evan Stone, Niko, Marcus London, etc. And the PlaygirlTV cable/video on demand service showed these same scenes online and on cable.

I first read about Playgirl on a pop culture message board. Immediately I thrust a defiant fist in the air and issued a Sally-like (“I’ll have what she’s having”) cry of “Yesss!!!”

OK, so—during college, I actually created a model channel guide for a PlaygirlTV channel—that’s how freakin’ badly I wanted, no needed PlaygirlTV. So when I wrote to the Playgirl marketing department to congratulate them profusely on the realization of a women’s erotic network, I made an immediate friend in the wonderful Heda Eisenberg, marketing specialist for Playgirl.

Soon they brought me on as a spokeswoman and as the head of the Playgirl fan club, the Playgirl Posse. I became a Playgirl writer and was suddenly corresponding with people like world-renowned sexpert Jayme Waxman and legendary femme porn director Candida Royalle. I had a Playgirl column and blog, and was on the programming review board for PlaygirlTV.

The Playgirl Posse was 95 percent female and featured members such as Heth Mares, the female marketing manager of Wicked Pictures, sexperts/adult models like Tara Tainton and Sassy Vee (host of the “Sex with Sassy” show), Amy Co Accessories owner and Vegas party planner Amy Miller, renowned adult journalist Cyndi Loftus, many erotica authors and publishers, adult commentators like short filmmaker Jana Cleveland, sex toy expert Stephanie S., and female adult film critics Ravyn Riccio and Mistress Liss. We also boasted grandmas, nurses, homemakers, breast cancer survivors, adult toy saleswomen, strippers, and career women. Selena Kitt, whose book “Babysitting the Baumgartners” was made into a movie by Adam and Eve, was a Posse girl.

The Playgirl Posse were ladies on a mission; representing Playgirl at the AVN show one weekend and at the Playgirl male revue show plenty of weekends. We flowed through the doors of adult video and bookstores, demanding more Playgirl. I wrote fiery letters to news outlets who claimed that Playgirl wasn’t really for women, because women just weren’t visual. This despite the fact that handsome hunks are used to sell everything from romance novels to soap operas intended solely for a female audience. And I lived every gal’s dream, receiving a birthday phone call from adult video actor/PlaygirlTV star Jean Val Jean, my big crush. He was a total sweetheart who sang me “Happy Birthday” in French and sent me a swoonworthy autographed picture—one I treasure to this day.

Our club did include a handful of gay men, also straight men who wanted to model for Playgirl. And yes, many of the men who posed for Playgirl were indeed straight.

Towards the end of Playgirl’s history, the direction of the magazine changed to acknowledge more of its gay male audience—steering away from the Posse in the process. Even before then, I was stung when Tina Fey, one of my idols, joked on Saturday Night Live that “PlaygirlTV was the channel made for women, but watched by gay men.”

Really, Tina? Well, let me let ya in on a little secret. The gals of the Playgirl Posse were the same women who buy tickets to your movies and comedy shows, in an effort to stand by you and other strong women. They stood by me when my first erotic book was published, and when my father passed away. And I made sure to honor them when they got jobs and degrees, when they married and had children, when they needed a listening ear.

We are women, and boy, did we roar. Or should I say—Playgirl, did we roar.

Playgirl closed its pages as a print magazine in 2016, but relaunched again in 2020. It is still available at Playgirl.com.

5 Tips for Discussing Your Sexual Fantasies With a Partner

By

Megan Harrison

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March 6, 2021

graphic-2086281_640 — Image by Espressolia from Pixabay

If the idea of sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner makes you squirm, I feel you. But fear not, I’ve got some tips that’ll make the sharing experience more comfortable than ever before.

Some tips when discussing your sexual fantasies with a partner: communicate openly, start the conversation outside of the bedroom, tell them about the fantasy at an appropriate time, not mention the names of anyone you are fantasizing about, and take it slow.

This article will go over five helpful tips that’ll prevent you from cringing every time you try to share your fantasies with your partner!

Open Communication Is Essential

Sexual fantasies can be a lot of fun if both partners are on the same page. However, not being clear can leave you both feeling awkward, insecure, or even upset.

To avoid this, you should be open with your partner about the fantasies you’d like to try with them. If they have any questions, answer them as clearly as you can. Additionally, you’ll need to take the time to discuss why, when, and how you’d like the fantasy to go down. If your fantasy isn’t fully formulated, that’s ok! Just communicate your feelings and desires with your partner, and you can work through the fantasy together.

After telling your partner about your fantasy, they may tell you that they are uncomfortable with some aspects of it. While this may be a letdown for you, it’s crucial to be open and only try things you’re both comfortable with. Even if they aren’t excited about one of your fantasies, they may be really into another!

Don’t just assume your partner won’t be interested without finding out for sure! Your partner might totally be into something such as daring public orgasms with vibrating panties. Open communication gives you the chance to talk it out until you find a fantasy you are both enthusiastic about.

Start the Convo When You Aren’t Between the Sheets

While you may think the best time to bring up your sexual fantasies is when you and your partner are all hot and bothered, it’s actually better to start the conversation outside of the bedroom.

During the heat of the moment, your partner may agree to try fantasies they aren’t comfortable with or something they haven’t had time to contemplate fully. Or, they may react negatively to the request and shut down sexy time altogether. Therefore, you should discuss your fantasies when you are both calm (and clothed) so that you and your partner don’t rush into doing something you’ll regret later!

Perhaps you could bring up your sexual ideas such as your pegging fantasy over breakfast one morning or while you guys are on an evening stroll. Bringing them up when you guys are calm and collected will allow everyone to think rationally and only participate in fantasies they genuinely want to try.

Timing Is Key

Make sure to explain the fantasy to your partner when everyone is relaxed, calm, and ready to communicate. Sharing your fantasy with your partner after they’ve had a long day at work is unlikely to go well. Even if they are interested in trying the sexual fantasy, they may respond negatively or be unresponsive because they aren’t in the right mental state.

Additionally, you’ll need to consider what’s going on in your partner’s life and how that relates to your fantasy. Your Choosing an appropriate time to share your fantasies with your partner is key to making the experience more pleasurable for both parties.

Don’t Mention Anyone’s Name

If your fantasy involves your partner roleplaying as a sexy stranger or as the guy you had a crush on in high school, it’s best to leave the details in the dark. Just give your partner the gist of the situation and do not, for god’s sake, say the name of the person you are picturing them as.

While you should always follow this rule if you are roleplaying as people you know, you may also want to follow it when you are roleplaying as people you don’t know, depending on how sensitive your partner is. If they will be hurt by you asking them to be Channing Tatum or Jennifer Lopez during your sexual fantasy, then it’s best not to make that request.

Instead, give them a general role to play, such as a “sexy Hollywood actor” or a “powerful boss.” General roles aren’t hurtful, yet they still allow you to have the fantasy experience you seek!

Take It Slow

After you tell your partner about your sexual fantasy, you may think that the only thing left to do is put it into action. However, this isn’t true! Sometimes the experience will go more smoothly if you go slow and take the fantasy one step at a time.

You and your partner could spend some time picking out new sex toys, selecting outfits, BDSM furniture, and other sexy props for the fantasy, for starters. Then, once you’re in the bedroom, you may want to start by watching porn related to fantasy. Or, maybe your partner’s dirty talk during sex will be focused on the fantasy topic.

After trying out these lesser forms of your fantasy, you guys may realize that you don’t want to go all the way. Or, you may be chomping at the bit to put the entire fantasy into action! Either way, taking it slow will give you both time to get more comfortable with the fantasy and recognize your likes and dislikes.

Conclusion

When you are sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner, you should:

Communicate clear and openly about your fantasies.
Start the conversation outside of the bedroom.
Tell them about the fantasy at an appropriate time.
Don’t give them specifics about who the fantasy is about.
Go slow and stop if anyone gets uncomfortable.

I hope this article has helped make sharing your fantasies with your partner more effortless and pleasant than before!

10 Tips for Better Sex & Overall Health

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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March 5, 2021

couple-731890_640 — Image by stokpic from Pixabay

Numerous Health Benefits of Having Sex

by Dr. Ava Cadell

I believe that regularly occurring and frequent sex will produce certain emotional and physical health benefits.

It has long been established that there are numerous health benefits related to sexual activity, an awareness that has been recorded in our culture for centuries in the form of such old wives’s tales as “use it, or lose it.” Just as if you don’t use your household appliances regularly, they become rusty and break down.

There has been an enormous amount of psychological research focusing on the relationship between sexuality and mental health. Recent medical studies by the American Heart Association have confirmed the physical benefits of an active sex life. The American Association of Urologists and significant medical school studies at the Universities of California and Indiana, just to name two, has documented studies about the health aspects of sexual activity. The Touch Institute in Florida has evidence that touch is the most powerful form of communication and maintenance of good health, physically and emotionally.

Now you can tell your lover, spouse, significant other, or even yourself what you’ve hoped to hear for years! Not only is sex fun and exciting – it’s healthy. “Sexercise” your body and see the benefits. Do it alone or with someone you love (try Sexycises!), but do it. Some of the same physical benefits you seek by working out at the gym are literally right at your fingertips.

Are you tired of waiting in line to use the barbells? Is the treadmill tearing up your kneecaps? Does that personal trainer show no mercy – no pain, no gain? Tone those muscles, improve your health, and give your body a boost with Dr. Ava’s Sexercise Tips.

Tip 1: Change sexual positions to stimulate different muscles.

If you think you’re overweight and need to lose a few pounds, there’s no more fun way to do it than with increased sexual activity. It won’t counteract the effects of overeating, but it does burn up calories and can also help turn fat into muscle more quickly than other forms of exercise; plus, working on that muscle tone can’t be more fun then while having sex. The natural tensing of your muscles while engaging in sex can work on the shoulders, neck, biceps, thighs, abs, stomach, and buttocks. The relaxation that follows helps work as a natural sedative.

Use your core muscles during missionary to strengthen you abs by thrusting and lifting your pelvis. While you’re at it, include some glut squeezes to tone up for a sexy bottom.

Doggie style is perfect for an arm workout, as you push yourself backwards into the thrust with sexy push-ups.

Ride em Cowgirl engages your legs, highs, butt and core. Depending on how fast you bounce on top of him or slowly grind will depend on the type pf workout you get. Bouncing gives you strength and stamina, while grinding engages the muscle longer for muscle building. Switch it up for interval training.

Pump up your love muscles doing kegels and the world will look a whole lot brighter.

Tip 2: Exercise your mouth and tongue

This is a hot oral sex trick! Use the tip of your tongue to write the alphabet or even love letter on your lover’s body. Get real intimate as you lick her clit or the tip of his penis in various patterns.

Make out with a sexy kiss to keep our lips, mouth and face in shape and contoured. Pucker up for the perfect pout!

Tip 3: Have Sex to Cure Headaches

By enjoying ourselves sexually we can actually improve our bodies both physically and mentally. Did you know that during sex, the flow of blood throughout the body not only improves circulation but also eliminates headaches? The improved flow of blood along the spinal column to the brain that results from an orgasm may just be the right thing to get rid of that migraine.

No more cliche excuses! The next time your partner says, “I’ve got a headache,” you can say “Good, let’s make love and get rid of it.”

Even that heavy breathing with someone you love is healthy as you regulate and exercise your respiratory organs.

Tip 4: Have Sex to Cure Insomnia

Having trouble sleeping? Well, take Dr. Ava’s advice. There is no better cure for insomnia than good sex. You feel so relaxed that it naturally leads you into a deep sleep. Wrap your arms around your special someone and cuddle them off to dreamland. Imagine the magic of waking up in the morning by lovemaking at dawn. It gets both your hearts and minds racing and it’s healthier than caffeine anytime.

Tip 5: Sex Can Work as a Laxative

Believe it or not, sex can also work as a laxative, toning and controlling the lower abdominal muscles. The muscle relaxant post-orgasmic state has so many benefits that it can solve a host of problems, even constipation.

Tip 6: Stressed? What better cure than sex?

If you’re feeling tense, set aside some quiet time and shut out the deadlines and pressures, if only for a “quickie.”

You will find that many of the symptoms of stress will disappear with a little loving. Not only will you feel a lot looser, you’ll breathe better, and some of those other problems relating to stress – poor judgment, short temper, or a sense of helplessness, will begin to fade into oblivion.

Tip 7: Sex Improves Self-Esteem

Feeling good sexually is a natural high that helps make all those little problems of the day seem a little less important. The physical and emotional aspects of sex can, and do work together in improving self-esteem and adding to a sense of well-being. The unique sense of intimate connection with your lover cannot be duplicated by any other activity.

And you don’t even need a partner to enjoy their sexual boost! The next time you need a little relief and there is no one else around, masturbation is as good alternative. While my “sexercise” prescriptions are a lot of fun for couples, use your most erotic organ (your brain) and all the same physical benefits I’ve mentioned can be yours alone.

Tip 8: Explore the G-spot for More Powerful Orgasms

Women have a multi-orgasmic capacity that may remain untapped without a little help from a “friend”. Explore that illusive G-spot area and you might discover a longer, deeper, more powerful orgasm then you ever imagined.

Regular orgasms help keep your libido healthy and active, by engaging your PC muscle on a regular basis, keeping the vagina muscles toned, and helping maintain vaginal lubrication.

An orgasm a day will also keep menstrual cramps away by providing a natural decongestion, resulting in less of the pain that can be so… well, irritating.

Tip 9: Fantasize for Better Brain Function

Since sexual fulfillment also involves your brain, it can improve your concentration and contribute greatly to your powers of imagination and creativity. If your work is getting you down, close your eyes and think about that ideal lover. I assure you, when you finish fantasizing, your mind and body will be ready to tackle the challenge that moments before seemed impossible.

If you trust each other implicitly, and love your partner with abandon, nothing will embolden your relationships more than the sharing of fantasies. What safer way for you single people to begin to share sexual intimacy than watching each other masturbate or helping each other to reach an orgasm without intercourse.

Experiment when that live partner isn’t around. This is the time to let your fantasies run rampant; use sex toys, erotic audios, or videos to stimulate your senses and heighten your arousal.

Tip 10: Tantric Sex for Healing

The ultimate “sexercise” to practice with your lover may be Tantric sex. A sacred kind of love, Tantric sex helps you concentrate on both the healing and energizing effects of harmonious breathing. While making love in the lotus position, you breathe out as your lover breathes in, hypnotically relaxing, it aids in the exchange of yin and yang (male and female energy).

One of the oldest Tantric exercises which combine a physical, mental, and spiritual way of life is the Venus Butterfly Technique which was first practiced in India around 3000 B.C. By simultaneous stimulation of the clitoris and tapping on the G-Spot (located approximately two inches inside, on the upper wall of the vagina, between the opening and the cervix), it is possible for the woman to reach both an internal orgasm and an external one which may result in multiple orgasms.

Tantric exercises share a deeper ability to communicate. It is the purest way of sharing the best prescription for health – SEX!

Conclusion:

The emotional fulfillment that comes from a healthy sex life results in the relaxation of your muscles and your brain. Sex is good for your heart and lungs. Orgasms can alleviate certain headaches, the pain of menstrual cramps, act as a laxative, and help to burn calories, keep muscles toned, and organs healthy. It can have the effect of an anti-depressant, a mild sedative. Better Sex can stimulate creativity, improve concentration, and reduce stress. And… most importantly, it feels good!

To journal or not to journal? What’s Your Preference?

By

Ralph Greco

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March 3, 2021

pexels-pixabay-414551 — pexels by pixabay

Here we fall onto another one of those areas I can’t rightly advise you on from any true personal experience. I don’t journal. I don’t on a plane. In the rain. In a house with a mouse. I just don’t.

Do you? Have you never but have been thinking of starting? Have you heard your fellow writers espouse its virtues, friends prompting you, teachers assigning you to get to it for this semester? Maybe, you want to dip your toe into writing for the first time and feel this is a good way to begin?

Sure, get to it, I say.

Why don’t I Journal?

First of all, despite some high-school, and college creative writing teachers indeed assigning journaling to me, non-writers assuming I do it all the time, and plenty of well-intentioned folks giving me journals as gifts (and I’ve received some very nice ones, over the years) I’ve always felt that the writing I do pretty much during most of my day, is all the writing I want to do. I’m not talking about keeping a pad and pen handy at my bedside table, or in the car; I am constantly scribbling down ideas, turns of phrases, snippets of conversations I know might lead me into interesting territories for stories, etc. (and this practice of having pen and paper handy is one I can and do advise).

But the self-reflective ruminations that journals are supposed to pull from you (don’t get on my ass here, I know one can write anything they like into a diary, and I talking about diary-like scribbling here), I feel I’m already slipping that into my fiction, blogs, poems, plays and songs, especially my songs). I’ve always worried that, for me, journaling would lessen the vitality of my ideas or see me puking forth so often in a diary that I’d be too exhausted to write any of these thoughts in my ‘real’ writing.

Pretty much what I have against blogging for oneself or tweeting all day long.

Yes, I know the argument could be made that prompting a steady flow of stream-of-conscience writing keeps one better in touch with one’s emotions. That all writing keeps one’s writing muscles in shape. I can’t argue either point, but none of this is true for me, or more precisely, I am not going to start journaling now when I have never done it, and certainly have enough writing to keep me busy during the hours of the day when I am trying to earn my bread-and-butter money.

For some people, the only writing they ever get to, is what they manage when they journal. And being an old curmudgeon eschewing technology as often as I do, I certainly like the idea of putting pen to paper for whatever reason (I love how it so often shocks people to see me sitting in a Starbucks or some other over-priced too-cool-for-school coffee spot, working furiously on the papers of a manuscript, or actually reading an honest-to-goodness book!)

Really, it’s not for me to tell you to journal or not; if you have read any of this column before, you know by now I would never demand that a writer has to do this or that. Whatever gets you there, short of smoking crack or going out chopping up city sanitary workers, burying them in your basement and then writing what you feel is authentic serial killer short stories, is fine by me. (Actually, if you are smoking crack, that’s fine by me, but leave those city workers alone ok?)

To journal or not to journal, that’s up to you.

4 Magical Things to Say That Will Make Her Melt Into Bed

By

Bobby Morgan

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February 18, 2021

pexels-zhanna-fort-6679921 — Photo by Zhanna Fort from Pexels

There are times when a hookup just happens when you’ve met a woman in person or on a sex dating site, but those instances are rare. Pickup lines rarely work. Women have heard them all before and usually pass on them. Pickup lines generally give women the impression that a guy is either a creep, desperate or a douchebag. Plus, if a woman feels that a guy isn’t putting forth a genuine effort to get her into bed, she’ll naturally assume that he’ll be a lazy and lousy lay.

Having said that, if you’ve managed to snag a woman’s interest, or even if the both of you are in long-term or committed relationship, there are magical things to say that will make a woman melt into bed. They’re also tips that make the difference between just having sex and having great sex.

1. Tell her she’s beautiful.

Flattery will get you a lot of places, but sincerity, especially when you’re not in a big hurry to get her in the sack, works in the long run. Tell her that’s she’s beautiful at times when she least expects it and when you don’t expect any immediate sexual favors. Better yet, tell someone else how beautiful she is or why you love her or are wild about her within her earshot. I pass along this advice not because women are necessarily plagued with low self-esteem, but it validates that you’re really into her and not just using her as a selfish and convenient throw-away lay.

2. “I want you.”

I know this sounds ridiculously easy, but a simple yet bold and direct statement like this can appeal to a woman’s quench for seduction. Punch up the intent and intensity of your desire for her by making direct eye contact with a long, confident pause before you utter those words. And always remember that seduction isn’t about making someone do something they don’t want to do; it’s about making someone do something they secretly want to do.

3. Toss out a fantasy or an idea of something you’d like to do in bed as an open-ended statement.

I recently came upon a survey that found that 69% of couples have a hard time talking about sex. If you can’t talk about sex, you’ll won’t get the sex you want, let alone have great sex. Plus, approaching what you want gives her the option of saying yes, no or redirecting your intent toward a mutually rewarding and satisfying sexual good time. Think of talking about sex as foreplay before the foreplay. It’s hot! It’s a lot hotter than just saying what you want.

4. “How about if we get out of here and…”

Again, a statement like this sounds ridiculously easy, bold and direct, but timing is everything. A statement like this works best when you’re absolutely certain that you’re both feeling a connection or intense chemistry or a mutual vibe. Lots of women thrive on impulse or doing something that feels like a dare.

Keep in mind that most of the time you are not going to be able to get a woman into your bed in five minutes. Like I said earlier, there might be times when it happens, but it usually takes effort and sincerity. Don’t rush it, be impatient or try too hard. Those tactics always backfire. If you’re too casual in your approach to casual sex, you may not get any sex at all.

This article originally appeared on A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind.

Baldo: Turn Your Balls Into A Sex Toy

By

M.Christian

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February 17, 2021

What is a Balldo?

The Balldo is “The World’s First Ball-Dildo (or balls-mounted dildo, if you like)… that will allow you to penetrate your partner with your balls to have ballsex and even experience a ballgasm (aka an orgasm that is produced by ball stimulation while wearing a Balldo)…”– Paraphrased, according to the Balldo website.

The Invention of the Balldo: Prepare to be Amazed!

Recently launched as an Indiegogo campaign, the Balldo is the product of sextech developers Jerry Davies and Ellie Plasencia, who’ve created many other intriguing devices.

As its photos may not immediately explain how the Balldo’s operates, think of it kind-of, sort-of like a strap-on. But while that classic sex toy is a dildo supported by a strap-on harness, the Balldo allows the wearer to wear the dildo (or sleeve) over their balls, and the length does the same by using the wear’s testicles.

In this, it’s kissing kin to cock rings or similar ball-constructing sex toys. So, in addition to having a phallus freed from erection’s vagarities, the Balldo brings wearers that extra-level of sexual pleasure.

One of these the developers have named: a “ballgasm”–referring to the exciting sensation the wearer’s testicles receive when rubbing against their partner’s genitals.

To help the Balldo maintain the necessary tension for penetrative sex, along with its pain part, purchasers also receive a pair of “spacer rings” that can be placed behind the testicles—one or both to get the job done. The spacer rings make the testicles rigid enough for penetration.

Construction-wise, the Balldo’s a high-tech mix of flexibility and softness—as we’re talking about the testicles, after all—and firmness, which means whoever’s the user is playing with has an erection-like feeling. Made of ultra-soft platinum and body-safe silicone on the outside, with a super strong inner core to prevent collapse when trhusting.

How Put On the Baldo

As their Indiegogo says, the Balldo team recommends users begin by making their testicles as hair-free as they can, followed by the application of suitable lubrication. That accomplished, they next stretch the toy as needed to pass it around and behind the balls—and if needed, to create more tension by adding one or both of the spacers.

The public trimming, or removal, makes a lot of sense. As a cock ring fan, I know all too well how the unexpected plucking of a hair, or when they get painfully get caught in the ring, can be the polar opposite of pleasurable.

I also have to say that removing public hair can be on the tricky side—and would take another article to explore fully. Though I can state the (somewhat) obvious that before you make any attempt, for the sake of your balls, don’t get your razor out or—way, way, way worse—slather on this-or-that hair removal cream. So read up on how to do it safely and with as little pain or discomfort as possible before doing any removal.

The Balldo: A New Way to Have Penetrative Sex

I’d also like to mention that Balldo’s team doesn’t specifically mention using their product as a way for penis-equipped persons to reduce their anxiety regarding getting and keeping an erection. Instead, they focus on how their product, as they put it, helps to “unleash pleasure that you’ve never experienced before”—as it feels uniquely different than a flesh-and-blood member.

That it does exceptionally well according to the (giggle) testimonials provided by people who’ve taken it out for a test drive.

As a person with a penis stashed in their slacks, along with grey on the roof when I learned of the Balldo, my reaction was equal parts relief that here’s something that’ll potentially make penetrative sex less problematic and exciting to use.

How to Use the Balldo: Take it Slow With BallSex

As nothing is ever perfect, least of all sextech products, I’d need to say that since testicles aren’t exactly the most durable of body parts, users of the Balldo should take things slowly—and then, after gaining experience with how it acts and feels, trying to go all-vigorous with their penetrating.

So onto with how to use it. In that, back to the fragility of balls, you’ll probably need to modify or change your penetrative sex positions to avoid putting undue stress on them.

This in no way a slam against the Balldo’s creators, as it’s abundantly obvious they know their top-notch sextech stuff in how their product’s designed and manufactured.

Balls In Your Court: Balldo’s Unique Approach to Penetrative Sex

“Well, ya got trouble, my friend, right here, I say, trouble right here in River City, with a capital “E,” that stands for …. erection!”

Please excuse my paraphrasing of a classic show tune, but when I was first introduced to the new Balldo sextoy in a twisted way, I couldn’t not hear Professor Harold Hill’s musical warning about River City’s (fictitious) trouble.

Because here’s a product that uniquely addresses something that I consider to be a far too prevalent and far too long-lasting misconception regarding sexual pleasure sex: that it’s only and ever about erections.

The Stress of Getting and Maintaining an Erection: Let’s Liberate Sex

I’ll explain my comment above—and why I think this toy could be a life-saver for the penis-equipped.

As someone equipped with one, I can personally testify that while they can certainly be enjoyable to play with, one thing that’s not brought up often enough is how fickle erections can be.

The is especially true as their owner’s age—as when you’re a spritely young person, it’s often not so much a matter of gaining but preventing one. However, add a couple of decades, and the reverse is true: the struggle is to achieve and then subsequently maintain an erection.

What makes it more stressful is how penis-equipped people are often judged by this frequently unpredictable mechanism. Sometimes to the point where they consider themselves—to be or are treated by others—as no longer a sexual person.

Remaining on my teetering soapbox, I consider this measuring-sex-by-erection fixation, notably in Western Culture, a significant detriment towards understanding that the ability to insert part A into someone else’s part B is only a small part of what sexual pleasure is and can be. An expansive view that I wish more people would accept and explore.

Then there’s the depressing issue of how size is also unfortunately held against sexual partners. When the truth has always been, it’s not the measure of a person but what they do with what nature’s given them.

And what of the penis-equipped who get off on penetrative sex though may have issues with erections, or simply want to try out a new way to do the same, but without their own … parts?

Well, that’s where Balldo comes in.

It gives you more options than only penis penetrative sex.

Let’s Expand on What Sex is and Can Be

Going back to the hard (giggle) realities of erections, I want to round things up by rallying again against exclusively considering sexual activity with the penis-equipped to be limited to hardness.

A portion of it certainly can be, but that’s not the whole enchilada. So rather than looking at penetrative sex as the most important, with everything from oral sex to mutual masturbation and all points beyond as somehow less than, let’s work to changing our sexual perspectives, so it’s merely just a small portion of the vast sexual dessert.

And how when you do want to do it, products like the Balldo isn’t a replacement for a penis but a brand new, and perhaps hotter way to enjoy penetrative sex—and one that, for those with them, can be a great way to fuck without worrying if you won’t be able to measure up.

Coochie Confidential: 24 Things You Must Know About the Vagina

By

Bobby Morgan

-

February 16, 2021

pexels-iconcom-209771 — Photo by icon0.com from Pexels

For as fascinated as society is with sex and the female body, you’d think we’d be a little more informed about the vagina. A 2010 Cosmo poll found that 60 percent of women didn’t know a lot about their vaginas. Heavens knows how many men don’t know much about the love canal. Knowing it and understanding it can lead to better sex and health.

Being Anatomically Correct

1. The first and most important thing to know is that the vagina is an internal structure. The outer portion of a woman’s privates is called the vulva, which includes the inner and outer labia, the clitoris, clitoral hood and the opening to the urethra and vagina.

2. The average length of an unaroused vagina in a mature woman is between 2.5 and 3 inches wide and 3.5 inches long. The vagina can expand up to 200% during sexual intercourse and giving birth.

3. Inside the vagina is a series of ridges produced by folds of the vagina called the vaginal reggae. They allow the vagina to extend and stretch.

4. The length of the labia minora can be between 3/4 inch and 2 1/3 inches.

5. Both sharks and vaginae have a substance called squalene. Squalene exists in shark livers and is also a natural vaginal lubricant.

About Those Smells and Discharges (Yeah, I know, it’s unpleasant and uncomfortable to talk about, but it’s important to be sexually healthy.)

6. The vagina is self-cleaning and, consequently, physicians discourage douching. The vagina has colonies of mutually symbiotic flora and microorganisms that protect against dangerous microbes. Disrupting this balance can cause yeast infections and abnormal discharge.

7. While vaginal discharge can help lubricate the vagina, it is different from the vaginal lubrication produced during sex. The lube comes from special, pea-sized ducts called Bartholin’s glands, which are located around the vaginal opening.

8. Vaginal discharge does not contain any waste products. It contains fluid that seeps through the walls of the vagina, cervical mucus, uterine and tubal fluid, secretions from glands in the vulva, oil and sweat from vulvar glands, old cells from the walls of the vagina, and healthy bacteria. Vaginal discharge contains mostly salt water, mucus, and cells.

9. The average amount of vaginal discharge a woman of reproductive age secretes over a period of eight hours is ¼ teaspoon. Every woman makes different amounts of vaginal discharge, though it varies depending on where a woman is in her cycle. A woman procures the greatest amount of discharge, .40 teaspoon, around the time of ovulation.

10. Each vagina has its own smell. The smell depends on a variety of factors, including the combination of normal bacteria that live in the vagina, diet, types of fabric a woman wears, level of hygiene, how much a woman sweats, and gland secretions.

11. Bacterial vaginosis (BV) causes the classic fishy smell in a vagina and is sometimes associated with discharge, odor, pain, itching and burning. Researchers don’t fully understand how a woman develops BV, but know it is associated with an imbalance of the bacteria that are normally found in a woman’s vagina. Increased risk includes having a new sex partner or multiple partners and douching. A woman cannot get BV from toilet seats, bedding, or swimming pools. Women who have never had sex can also be affected.

12. Different vaginas have different smells at different times of the day. Right out of the shower, a vagina may not smell. After running or exercise, a vagina might smell musky from all the sweat glands. A menstruating vagina may smell like iron, and when a vagina has an overgrowth of yeast, it may smell like bread. After intercourse, a vagina may smell faintly like bleach, as semen has a smell of its own. If there is an overgrowth of bacteria, the vagina may smell like fish.

13. There are natural ways to make a vagina smell fresher without douching. Tactics include removing pubic hair; wiping with baby wipes instead of toilet paper, drinking cranberry juice, going panty-free or wearing cotton panties, eating probiotics, avoiding panty hose and tight jeans, and eating a vegetable-based diet. Foods such as coffee, asparagus, beets, alcohol, broccoli, onions, garlic, and curry can affect the smell.

14. Sweating down there isn’t only normal; it provides a necessary function. Just below the skin of the labia and clitoral hood are hundreds of tiny glands that secrete oil and sweat. This can protect your delicate areas from friction and overheating.

15. A vaginal fart, also called a “queef,” is common. Unlike gas expelled from the rectum, which contains fecal waste and has an odor, vaginal flatulence is odorless and unrelated to the rectum.

More Healthy Stuff

16. It’s possible for a woman to develop an allergy to the proteins in semen. This condition is known as human seminal plasma protein hypersensitivity. Most cases only involve itching and swelling after sex, but in some cases it can be life threatening. Research shows that certain women are allergic to certain men but not to others.

17. Vaginas — like breasts, knees, and butts — can get saggy. Pregnancy, childbirth, age, hormonal changes, genetics, and years of gravity can weaken the supports of the female genital tract can cause sagging. Kegel exercises, maintaining a normal weight, avoiding constipation, and not smoking are ways to keep vaginas from sagging.

18. A woman’s vagina can fall out and hang between the legs. It’s a condition known as pelvic prolapse. In most cases it can be fixed.

19. Painful sex (dyspareunia) is normal after a woman loses her virginity. But if the pain does not lesson and resolve after a while, other conditions may be involved, including vulvar vestibulitis (inflammation of the vestibule), vaginismus (involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles), allergic reactions to things such as latex condoms or spermicide, and endometriosis (when lining from the uterus gets on the ovaries, bowel, and pelvic lining). As women age, lower levels of estrogen can cause atrophic vaginitis, or thinning of the vagina.

The Sexy Stuff!

20. The first inch or two of the vagina has the most nerve endings and is the most pleasure receptive.

21. The G-spot (Grafenberg spot) lies two to three inches inside the vagina, on the anterior wall (near the belly button), just under the urethra. Researchers believe this area has a different texture than the rest of the vagina because it may be a remnant prostate gland.

22. Increasing evidence suggests that the G-spot feels good because it lies right over a deep part of the clitoris. Although experts describe the G-spot as being inside the vagina on the anterior wall, just under the urethra, the crura of the clitoris actually runs right there.

23. The A-spot is a tender bit of tissue at the end of the vagina, just in front of the cervix. You can find it past the G-spot along the upper wall of the vagina almost to the cervix. The A-spot produces lubrication and orgasmic contractions. The recommended technique is to stimulate it, along with the G-spot, in long strokes on a regular basis to build up the response in the area.

24. Like the clitoris, the labia minora also contain erectile tissue that gets slightly stiffer when things heat up.

This article originally appeared on A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind.

Distinguishing the Differences Between Rape Culture & Rape Fantasy

By

Bobby Morgan

-

February 15, 2021

pexels-cottonbro-6484956 — Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

I had a follower on Twitter who said she would have shared one of my blog articles except “the page features (a) Glamour Mag Cover Woman smiling while her clothes are ripped off.”

Here is the “offending” photo:

For almost a year that picture has been on the right margin of my site (it links to an article, Saiba quais são os 100 melhores blogs de sexo do mundo (Which are the Top 100 Sex Blogs in the World). As No. 17, I think anyone can understand why I display it on the right margin of my post pages with pride. I never thought much about the cover except, “Hey, pretty cheeky. What woman wouldn’t want or fantasize about multiple men wanting a piece of her?” I never thought of it as violent or demeaning to women. The photo is obviously posed and the woman’s clothes aren’t actually being ripped off her body.

I explained what the photo link was on my site was all about and apologized if it was a trigger.

It turned out that it wasn’t a trigger for her but instead, “…more perpetration of rape culture. It’s a trip to see names I know would be opposed when clicking through,” she tweeted.

All I could think of saying in reply was:

“I think we need to do a better job of distinguishing rape, rape culture & mutual consensual rough sex (ie rape fantasy).”

So let that start with me.

Definition of Rape

Rape: As of Jan. 1, 2013, the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation considers rape to be: “Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” (The full explanation is outlined here.) Keep in mind the key word is “consent”.

What is Rape Culture?

Rape Culture: Rape culture gets a little harder to officially define because those who define it, even at the academic research level, don’t uniformly define it. To me, rape culture persists among people (mostly men) who:

a. are angry at women who turn them down for sex and feel entitled to get what they are (supposedly) giving to other men.

b. see women as objects and commodities like actors in pornographic adult films and pictures, especially in themes and scenes when women appear to be forcibly used solely for male pleasure.

c. have a cultural belief that men are entitled to sex whether or not a woman wants it.

d. have a cultural belief that any woman who dresses or acts provocatively is “asking for it.”

e. believe acts like rough sex and BDSM are all about a man’s (usually) entitlement to hit, injure and physically and verbally abuse partners (usually female) than extreme mutual and consensual sensual, physical and psychological sexual play.

I take this stuff seriously. Dead seriously.

What is “Rape” Fantasy?

Now there are people who really get off on “rape fantasy”, which in actuality is consensual rough sex. This is done with pre-negotiation between both partners with an understanding that safe words are used and/or “no” means “no” no matter how far this kind of sex play goes. There is an understanding of the difference between non-consent and acting non-consensually, and furthermore, respect (if not love) between partners after the rough sex play pans out.

“Researchers from the University of North Texas[vii] found that 62% of women have rape fantasies. According to another study entitled “Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Empirical Evaluation of the Major Explanations[viii]”, women fantasize about rape as a form of “sexual blame avoidance”. The theory goes that socially women are taught not to be promiscuous, so “rape” fantasies allow them to not be responsible for their sexual desires, and therefore they can fantasize about hot sex guilt free.”–Domina Doll, Top 10 Women’s Secret Sexual Fantasies

https://www.sexpert.com/top-10-womens-secret-sexual-fantasies/

My biggest piece of advice to those who are into rough sex/rape fantasy: choose your partner(s) wisely, preferably someone you trust and know well.

If you’ve paid attention, the words “consent” and “consensual” have come up 10 times before this paragraph. The only people who need to be concerned about consent are you and your partner. It’s nobody else’s business and it’s no uninvolved person’s place to say what is and isn’t acceptable for you and your partner to practice and enjoy, even people who say that they’re sex-positive advocates.

As for the Glamour Brasil photo link on my site, I’m not taking it down. If complied with the few individuals who have complained about photos or things I have written on my site, I wouldn’t be true to myself. In all, that might be a dozen people out of over a million page views on my site. I am by no means insensitive to those have negative triggers to some sexual acts. But to act upon someone who assumes how others may react negatively to content on my blog would be just catering to someone who is just hypersensitive and might need a little education in what sex-positivity is all about.

If you feel you’ve been raped or abused, call your local police department or rape or abuse hotlines. It may be an embarrassing, humiliating or even financially devastating thing to go through, but it’s the first step in recovery, healing and taking agency of your life and sexuality.

This article originally appeared on A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind.

Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults

March is Endometriosis Month.

What Are the Signs of Endometriosis?

When to Seek Treatment

What Causes Endometriosis?

Other Risk Factors

What Happens If I Go Untreated?

Table of Contents

Open Communication Is Essential

Start the Convo When You Aren’t Between the Sheets

Timing Is Key

Don’t Mention Anyone’s Name

Take It Slow

Conclusion

Numerous Health Benefits of Having Sex

Tip 1: Change sexual positions to stimulate different muscles.

Tip 2: Exercise your mouth and tongue

Tip 3: Have Sex to Cure Headaches

Tip 4: Have Sex to Cure Insomnia

Tip 5: Sex Can Work as a Laxative

Tip 6: Stressed? What better cure than sex?

Tip 7: Sex Improves Self-Esteem

Tip 8: Explore the G-spot for More Powerful Orgasms

Tip 9: Fantasize for Better Brain Function

Tip 10: Tantric Sex for Healing

Conclusion:

Why don’t I Journal?

1. Tell her she’s beautiful.

2. “I want you.”

3. Toss out a fantasy or an idea of something you’d like to do in bed as an open-ended statement.

4. “How about if we get out of here and…”

What is a Balldo?

The Invention of the Balldo: Prepare to be Amazed!

How Put On the Baldo

The Balldo: A New Way to Have Penetrative Sex

How to Use the Balldo: Take it Slow With BallSex

Balls In Your Court: Balldo’s Unique Approach to Penetrative Sex

The Stress of Getting and Maintaining an Erection: Let’s Liberate Sex

Let’s Expand on What Sex is and Can Be

Being Anatomically Correct

About Those Smells and Discharges (Yeah, I know, it’s unpleasant and uncomfortable to talk about, but it’s important to be sexually healthy.)

More Healthy Stuff

The Sexy Stuff!

Definition of Rape

What is Rape Culture?

What is “Rape” Fantasy?

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