To journal or not to journal? What’s Your Preference?

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March 3, 2021

pexels-pixabay-414551 — pexels by pixabay

Here we fall onto another one of those areas I can’t rightly advise you on from any true personal experience. I don’t journal. I don’t on a plane. In the rain. In a house with a mouse. I just don’t.

Do you? Have you never but have been thinking of starting? Have you heard your fellow writers espouse its virtues, friends prompting you, teachers assigning you to get to it for this semester? Maybe, you want to dip your toe into writing for the first time and feel this is a good way to begin?

Sure, get to it, I say.

Why don’t I Journal?

First of all, despite some high-school, and college creative writing teachers indeed assigning journaling to me, non-writers assuming I do it all the time, and plenty of well-intentioned folks giving me journals as gifts (and I’ve received some very nice ones, over the years) I’ve always felt that the writing I do pretty much during most of my day, is all the writing I want to do. I’m not talking about keeping a pad and pen handy at my bedside table, or in the car; I am constantly scribbling down ideas, turns of phrases, snippets of conversations I know might lead me into interesting territories for stories, etc. (and this practice of having pen and paper handy is one I can and do advise).

But the self-reflective ruminations that journals are supposed to pull from you (don’t get on my ass here, I know one can write anything they like into a diary, and I talking about diary-like scribbling here), I feel I’m already slipping that into my fiction, blogs, poems, plays and songs, especially my songs). I’ve always worried that, for me, journaling would lessen the vitality of my ideas or see me puking forth so often in a diary that I’d be too exhausted to write any of these thoughts in my ‘real’ writing.

Pretty much what I have against blogging for oneself or tweeting all day long.

Yes, I know the argument could be made that prompting a steady flow of stream-of-conscience writing keeps one better in touch with one’s emotions. That all writing keeps one’s writing muscles in shape. I can’t argue either point, but none of this is true for me, or more precisely, I am not going to start journaling now when I have never done it, and certainly have enough writing to keep me busy during the hours of the day when I am trying to earn my bread-and-butter money.

For some people, the only writing they ever get to, is what they manage when they journal. And being an old curmudgeon eschewing technology as often as I do, I certainly like the idea of putting pen to paper for whatever reason (I love how it so often shocks people to see me sitting in a Starbucks or some other over-priced too-cool-for-school coffee spot, working furiously on the papers of a manuscript, or actually reading an honest-to-goodness book!)

Really, it’s not for me to tell you to journal or not; if you have read any of this column before, you know by now I would never demand that a writer has to do this or that. Whatever gets you there, short of smoking crack or going out chopping up city sanitary workers, burying them in your basement and then writing what you feel is authentic serial killer short stories, is fine by me. (Actually, if you are smoking crack, that’s fine by me, but leave those city workers alone ok?)

To journal or not to journal, that’s up to you.

4 Magical Things to Say That Will Make Her Melt Into Bed

By

Bobby Morgan

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February 18, 2021

pexels-zhanna-fort-6679921 — Photo by Zhanna Fort from Pexels

There are times when a hookup just happens when you’ve met a woman in person or on a sex dating site, but those instances are rare. Pickup lines rarely work. Women have heard them all before and usually pass on them. Pickup lines generally give women the impression that a guy is either a creep, desperate or a douchebag. Plus, if a woman feels that a guy isn’t putting forth a genuine effort to get her into bed, she’ll naturally assume that he’ll be a lazy and lousy lay.

Having said that, if you’ve managed to snag a woman’s interest, or even if the both of you are in long-term or committed relationship, there are magical things to say that will make a woman melt into bed. They’re also tips that make the difference between just having sex and having great sex.

1. Tell her she’s beautiful.

Flattery will get you a lot of places, but sincerity, especially when you’re not in a big hurry to get her in the sack, works in the long run. Tell her that’s she’s beautiful at times when she least expects it and when you don’t expect any immediate sexual favors. Better yet, tell someone else how beautiful she is or why you love her or are wild about her within her earshot. I pass along this advice not because women are necessarily plagued with low self-esteem, but it validates that you’re really into her and not just using her as a selfish and convenient throw-away lay.

2. “I want you.”

I know this sounds ridiculously easy, but a simple yet bold and direct statement like this can appeal to a woman’s quench for seduction. Punch up the intent and intensity of your desire for her by making direct eye contact with a long, confident pause before you utter those words. And always remember that seduction isn’t about making someone do something they don’t want to do; it’s about making someone do something they secretly want to do.

3. Toss out a fantasy or an idea of something you’d like to do in bed as an open-ended statement.

I recently came upon a survey that found that 69% of couples have a hard time talking about sex. If you can’t talk about sex, you’ll won’t get the sex you want, let alone have great sex. Plus, approaching what you want gives her the option of saying yes, no or redirecting your intent toward a mutually rewarding and satisfying sexual good time. Think of talking about sex as foreplay before the foreplay. It’s hot! It’s a lot hotter than just saying what you want.

4. “How about if we get out of here and…”

Again, a statement like this sounds ridiculously easy, bold and direct, but timing is everything. A statement like this works best when you’re absolutely certain that you’re both feeling a connection or intense chemistry or a mutual vibe. Lots of women thrive on impulse or doing something that feels like a dare.

Keep in mind that most of the time you are not going to be able to get a woman into your bed in five minutes. Like I said earlier, there might be times when it happens, but it usually takes effort and sincerity. Don’t rush it, be impatient or try too hard. Those tactics always backfire. If you’re too casual in your approach to casual sex, you may not get any sex at all.

This article originally appeared on A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind.

Baldo: Turn Your Balls Into A Sex Toy

By

M.Christian

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February 17, 2021

What is a Balldo?

The Balldo is “The World’s First Ball-Dildo (or balls-mounted dildo, if you like)… that will allow you to penetrate your partner with your balls to have ballsex and even experience a ballgasm (aka an orgasm that is produced by ball stimulation while wearing a Balldo)…”– Paraphrased, according to the Balldo website.

The Invention of the Balldo: Prepare to be Amazed!

Recently launched as an Indiegogo campaign, the Balldo is the product of sextech developers Jerry Davies and Ellie Plasencia, who’ve created many other intriguing devices.

As its photos may not immediately explain how the Balldo’s operates, think of it kind-of, sort-of like a strap-on. But while that classic sex toy is a dildo supported by a strap-on harness, the Balldo allows the wearer to wear the dildo (or sleeve) over their balls, and the length does the same by using the wear’s testicles.

In this, it’s kissing kin to cock rings or similar ball-constructing sex toys. So, in addition to having a phallus freed from erection’s vagarities, the Balldo brings wearers that extra-level of sexual pleasure.

One of these the developers have named: a “ballgasm”–referring to the exciting sensation the wearer’s testicles receive when rubbing against their partner’s genitals.

To help the Balldo maintain the necessary tension for penetrative sex, along with its pain part, purchasers also receive a pair of “spacer rings” that can be placed behind the testicles—one or both to get the job done. The spacer rings make the testicles rigid enough for penetration.

Construction-wise, the Balldo’s a high-tech mix of flexibility and softness—as we’re talking about the testicles, after all—and firmness, which means whoever’s the user is playing with has an erection-like feeling. Made of ultra-soft platinum and body-safe silicone on the outside, with a super strong inner core to prevent collapse when trhusting.

How Put On the Baldo

As their Indiegogo says, the Balldo team recommends users begin by making their testicles as hair-free as they can, followed by the application of suitable lubrication. That accomplished, they next stretch the toy as needed to pass it around and behind the balls—and if needed, to create more tension by adding one or both of the spacers.

The public trimming, or removal, makes a lot of sense. As a cock ring fan, I know all too well how the unexpected plucking of a hair, or when they get painfully get caught in the ring, can be the polar opposite of pleasurable.

I also have to say that removing public hair can be on the tricky side—and would take another article to explore fully. Though I can state the (somewhat) obvious that before you make any attempt, for the sake of your balls, don’t get your razor out or—way, way, way worse—slather on this-or-that hair removal cream. So read up on how to do it safely and with as little pain or discomfort as possible before doing any removal.

The Balldo: A New Way to Have Penetrative Sex

I’d also like to mention that Balldo’s team doesn’t specifically mention using their product as a way for penis-equipped persons to reduce their anxiety regarding getting and keeping an erection. Instead, they focus on how their product, as they put it, helps to “unleash pleasure that you’ve never experienced before”—as it feels uniquely different than a flesh-and-blood member.

That it does exceptionally well according to the (giggle) testimonials provided by people who’ve taken it out for a test drive.

As a person with a penis stashed in their slacks, along with grey on the roof when I learned of the Balldo, my reaction was equal parts relief that here’s something that’ll potentially make penetrative sex less problematic and exciting to use.

How to Use the Balldo: Take it Slow With BallSex

As nothing is ever perfect, least of all sextech products, I’d need to say that since testicles aren’t exactly the most durable of body parts, users of the Balldo should take things slowly—and then, after gaining experience with how it acts and feels, trying to go all-vigorous with their penetrating.

So onto with how to use it. In that, back to the fragility of balls, you’ll probably need to modify or change your penetrative sex positions to avoid putting undue stress on them.

This in no way a slam against the Balldo’s creators, as it’s abundantly obvious they know their top-notch sextech stuff in how their product’s designed and manufactured.

Balls In Your Court: Balldo’s Unique Approach to Penetrative Sex

“Well, ya got trouble, my friend, right here, I say, trouble right here in River City, with a capital “E,” that stands for …. erection!”

Please excuse my paraphrasing of a classic show tune, but when I was first introduced to the new Balldo sextoy in a twisted way, I couldn’t not hear Professor Harold Hill’s musical warning about River City’s (fictitious) trouble.

Because here’s a product that uniquely addresses something that I consider to be a far too prevalent and far too long-lasting misconception regarding sexual pleasure sex: that it’s only and ever about erections.

The Stress of Getting and Maintaining an Erection: Let’s Liberate Sex

I’ll explain my comment above—and why I think this toy could be a life-saver for the penis-equipped.

As someone equipped with one, I can personally testify that while they can certainly be enjoyable to play with, one thing that’s not brought up often enough is how fickle erections can be.

The is especially true as their owner’s age—as when you’re a spritely young person, it’s often not so much a matter of gaining but preventing one. However, add a couple of decades, and the reverse is true: the struggle is to achieve and then subsequently maintain an erection.

What makes it more stressful is how penis-equipped people are often judged by this frequently unpredictable mechanism. Sometimes to the point where they consider themselves—to be or are treated by others—as no longer a sexual person.

Remaining on my teetering soapbox, I consider this measuring-sex-by-erection fixation, notably in Western Culture, a significant detriment towards understanding that the ability to insert part A into someone else’s part B is only a small part of what sexual pleasure is and can be. An expansive view that I wish more people would accept and explore.

Then there’s the depressing issue of how size is also unfortunately held against sexual partners. When the truth has always been, it’s not the measure of a person but what they do with what nature’s given them.

And what of the penis-equipped who get off on penetrative sex though may have issues with erections, or simply want to try out a new way to do the same, but without their own … parts?

Well, that’s where Balldo comes in.

It gives you more options than only penis penetrative sex.

Let’s Expand on What Sex is and Can Be

Going back to the hard (giggle) realities of erections, I want to round things up by rallying again against exclusively considering sexual activity with the penis-equipped to be limited to hardness.

A portion of it certainly can be, but that’s not the whole enchilada. So rather than looking at penetrative sex as the most important, with everything from oral sex to mutual masturbation and all points beyond as somehow less than, let’s work to changing our sexual perspectives, so it’s merely just a small portion of the vast sexual dessert.

And how when you do want to do it, products like the Balldo isn’t a replacement for a penis but a brand new, and perhaps hotter way to enjoy penetrative sex—and one that, for those with them, can be a great way to fuck without worrying if you won’t be able to measure up.

Coochie Confidential: 24 Things You Must Know About the Vagina

By

Bobby Morgan

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February 16, 2021

pexels-iconcom-209771 — Photo by icon0.com from Pexels

For as fascinated as society is with sex and the female body, you’d think we’d be a little more informed about the vagina. A 2010 Cosmo poll found that 60 percent of women didn’t know a lot about their vaginas. Heavens knows how many men don’t know much about the love canal. Knowing it and understanding it can lead to better sex and health.

Being Anatomically Correct

1. The first and most important thing to know is that the vagina is an internal structure. The outer portion of a woman’s privates is called the vulva, which includes the inner and outer labia, the clitoris, clitoral hood and the opening to the urethra and vagina.

2. The average length of an unaroused vagina in a mature woman is between 2.5 and 3 inches wide and 3.5 inches long. The vagina can expand up to 200% during sexual intercourse and giving birth.

3. Inside the vagina is a series of ridges produced by folds of the vagina called the vaginal reggae. They allow the vagina to extend and stretch.

4. The length of the labia minora can be between 3/4 inch and 2 1/3 inches.

5. Both sharks and vaginae have a substance called squalene. Squalene exists in shark livers and is also a natural vaginal lubricant.

About Those Smells and Discharges (Yeah, I know, it’s unpleasant and uncomfortable to talk about, but it’s important to be sexually healthy.)

6. The vagina is self-cleaning and, consequently, physicians discourage douching. The vagina has colonies of mutually symbiotic flora and microorganisms that protect against dangerous microbes. Disrupting this balance can cause yeast infections and abnormal discharge.

7. While vaginal discharge can help lubricate the vagina, it is different from the vaginal lubrication produced during sex. The lube comes from special, pea-sized ducts called Bartholin’s glands, which are located around the vaginal opening.

8. Vaginal discharge does not contain any waste products. It contains fluid that seeps through the walls of the vagina, cervical mucus, uterine and tubal fluid, secretions from glands in the vulva, oil and sweat from vulvar glands, old cells from the walls of the vagina, and healthy bacteria. Vaginal discharge contains mostly salt water, mucus, and cells.

9. The average amount of vaginal discharge a woman of reproductive age secretes over a period of eight hours is ¼ teaspoon. Every woman makes different amounts of vaginal discharge, though it varies depending on where a woman is in her cycle. A woman procures the greatest amount of discharge, .40 teaspoon, around the time of ovulation.

10. Each vagina has its own smell. The smell depends on a variety of factors, including the combination of normal bacteria that live in the vagina, diet, types of fabric a woman wears, level of hygiene, how much a woman sweats, and gland secretions.

11. Bacterial vaginosis (BV) causes the classic fishy smell in a vagina and is sometimes associated with discharge, odor, pain, itching and burning. Researchers don’t fully understand how a woman develops BV, but know it is associated with an imbalance of the bacteria that are normally found in a woman’s vagina. Increased risk includes having a new sex partner or multiple partners and douching. A woman cannot get BV from toilet seats, bedding, or swimming pools. Women who have never had sex can also be affected.

12. Different vaginas have different smells at different times of the day. Right out of the shower, a vagina may not smell. After running or exercise, a vagina might smell musky from all the sweat glands. A menstruating vagina may smell like iron, and when a vagina has an overgrowth of yeast, it may smell like bread. After intercourse, a vagina may smell faintly like bleach, as semen has a smell of its own. If there is an overgrowth of bacteria, the vagina may smell like fish.

13. There are natural ways to make a vagina smell fresher without douching. Tactics include removing pubic hair; wiping with baby wipes instead of toilet paper, drinking cranberry juice, going panty-free or wearing cotton panties, eating probiotics, avoiding panty hose and tight jeans, and eating a vegetable-based diet. Foods such as coffee, asparagus, beets, alcohol, broccoli, onions, garlic, and curry can affect the smell.

14. Sweating down there isn’t only normal; it provides a necessary function. Just below the skin of the labia and clitoral hood are hundreds of tiny glands that secrete oil and sweat. This can protect your delicate areas from friction and overheating.

15. A vaginal fart, also called a “queef,” is common. Unlike gas expelled from the rectum, which contains fecal waste and has an odor, vaginal flatulence is odorless and unrelated to the rectum.

More Healthy Stuff

16. It’s possible for a woman to develop an allergy to the proteins in semen. This condition is known as human seminal plasma protein hypersensitivity. Most cases only involve itching and swelling after sex, but in some cases it can be life threatening. Research shows that certain women are allergic to certain men but not to others.

17. Vaginas — like breasts, knees, and butts — can get saggy. Pregnancy, childbirth, age, hormonal changes, genetics, and years of gravity can weaken the supports of the female genital tract can cause sagging. Kegel exercises, maintaining a normal weight, avoiding constipation, and not smoking are ways to keep vaginas from sagging.

18. A woman’s vagina can fall out and hang between the legs. It’s a condition known as pelvic prolapse. In most cases it can be fixed.

19. Painful sex (dyspareunia) is normal after a woman loses her virginity. But if the pain does not lesson and resolve after a while, other conditions may be involved, including vulvar vestibulitis (inflammation of the vestibule), vaginismus (involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles), allergic reactions to things such as latex condoms or spermicide, and endometriosis (when lining from the uterus gets on the ovaries, bowel, and pelvic lining). As women age, lower levels of estrogen can cause atrophic vaginitis, or thinning of the vagina.

The Sexy Stuff!

20. The first inch or two of the vagina has the most nerve endings and is the most pleasure receptive.

21. The G-spot (Grafenberg spot) lies two to three inches inside the vagina, on the anterior wall (near the belly button), just under the urethra. Researchers believe this area has a different texture than the rest of the vagina because it may be a remnant prostate gland.

22. Increasing evidence suggests that the G-spot feels good because it lies right over a deep part of the clitoris. Although experts describe the G-spot as being inside the vagina on the anterior wall, just under the urethra, the crura of the clitoris actually runs right there.

23. The A-spot is a tender bit of tissue at the end of the vagina, just in front of the cervix. You can find it past the G-spot along the upper wall of the vagina almost to the cervix. The A-spot produces lubrication and orgasmic contractions. The recommended technique is to stimulate it, along with the G-spot, in long strokes on a regular basis to build up the response in the area.

24. Like the clitoris, the labia minora also contain erectile tissue that gets slightly stiffer when things heat up.

This article originally appeared on A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind.

Distinguishing the Differences Between Rape Culture & Rape Fantasy

By

Bobby Morgan

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February 15, 2021

pexels-cottonbro-6484956 — Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

I had a follower on Twitter who said she would have shared one of my blog articles except “the page features (a) Glamour Mag Cover Woman smiling while her clothes are ripped off.”

Here is the “offending” photo:

For almost a year that picture has been on the right margin of my site (it links to an article, Saiba quais são os 100 melhores blogs de sexo do mundo (Which are the Top 100 Sex Blogs in the World). As No. 17, I think anyone can understand why I display it on the right margin of my post pages with pride. I never thought much about the cover except, “Hey, pretty cheeky. What woman wouldn’t want or fantasize about multiple men wanting a piece of her?” I never thought of it as violent or demeaning to women. The photo is obviously posed and the woman’s clothes aren’t actually being ripped off her body.

I explained what the photo link was on my site was all about and apologized if it was a trigger.

It turned out that it wasn’t a trigger for her but instead, “…more perpetration of rape culture. It’s a trip to see names I know would be opposed when clicking through,” she tweeted.

All I could think of saying in reply was:

“I think we need to do a better job of distinguishing rape, rape culture & mutual consensual rough sex (ie rape fantasy).”

So let that start with me.

Definition of Rape

Rape: As of Jan. 1, 2013, the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation considers rape to be: “Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” (The full explanation is outlined here.) Keep in mind the key word is “consent”.

What is Rape Culture?

Rape Culture: Rape culture gets a little harder to officially define because those who define it, even at the academic research level, don’t uniformly define it. To me, rape culture persists among people (mostly men) who:

a. are angry at women who turn them down for sex and feel entitled to get what they are (supposedly) giving to other men.

b. see women as objects and commodities like actors in pornographic adult films and pictures, especially in themes and scenes when women appear to be forcibly used solely for male pleasure.

c. have a cultural belief that men are entitled to sex whether or not a woman wants it.

d. have a cultural belief that any woman who dresses or acts provocatively is “asking for it.”

e. believe acts like rough sex and BDSM are all about a man’s (usually) entitlement to hit, injure and physically and verbally abuse partners (usually female) than extreme mutual and consensual sensual, physical and psychological sexual play.

I take this stuff seriously. Dead seriously.

What is “Rape” Fantasy?

Now there are people who really get off on “rape fantasy”, which in actuality is consensual rough sex. This is done with pre-negotiation between both partners with an understanding that safe words are used and/or “no” means “no” no matter how far this kind of sex play goes. There is an understanding of the difference between non-consent and acting non-consensually, and furthermore, respect (if not love) between partners after the rough sex play pans out.

“Researchers from the University of North Texas[vii] found that 62% of women have rape fantasies. According to another study entitled “Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Empirical Evaluation of the Major Explanations[viii]”, women fantasize about rape as a form of “sexual blame avoidance”. The theory goes that socially women are taught not to be promiscuous, so “rape” fantasies allow them to not be responsible for their sexual desires, and therefore they can fantasize about hot sex guilt free.”–Domina Doll, Top 10 Women’s Secret Sexual Fantasies

https://www.sexpert.com/top-10-womens-secret-sexual-fantasies/

My biggest piece of advice to those who are into rough sex/rape fantasy: choose your partner(s) wisely, preferably someone you trust and know well.

If you’ve paid attention, the words “consent” and “consensual” have come up 10 times before this paragraph. The only people who need to be concerned about consent are you and your partner. It’s nobody else’s business and it’s no uninvolved person’s place to say what is and isn’t acceptable for you and your partner to practice and enjoy, even people who say that they’re sex-positive advocates.

As for the Glamour Brasil photo link on my site, I’m not taking it down. If complied with the few individuals who have complained about photos or things I have written on my site, I wouldn’t be true to myself. In all, that might be a dozen people out of over a million page views on my site. I am by no means insensitive to those have negative triggers to some sexual acts. But to act upon someone who assumes how others may react negatively to content on my blog would be just catering to someone who is just hypersensitive and might need a little education in what sex-positivity is all about.

If you feel you’ve been raped or abused, call your local police department or rape or abuse hotlines. It may be an embarrassing, humiliating or even financially devastating thing to go through, but it’s the first step in recovery, healing and taking agency of your life and sexuality.

This article originally appeared on A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind.

Naughty Memoirs; Erring On The Side Of Discretion

By

Ralph Greco

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February 15, 2021

pexels-ekaterina-belinskaya-4674372 — Photo by Ekaterina Belinskaya from Pexels

The subject I am tackling in this installment can add up to quite the sticky wicket when it comes to erotic writing (and God knows, not everybody likes their wicket all that sticky). In one’s naughty scribbling, especially in the adult fiction one creates, one (be one lucky enough to have had some fun or have shelled out an inordinate amount of cash over the years) often plucks ideas from that which they have experienced as much as from what one fantasizes about.

But what happens when one takes their pen or flying fingers to an erotic memoir? How discreet should you be in making your real past into a story?

If you cover your shapely, possibly blushed posterior enough by changing names, places, and even tweaking action here and there, you can pretty much get away with masking real stories/memoirs. I’d recommend this, at least a little. Your exes usually don’t want to be outed, would probably rather there wasn’t a hint of them in your reiteration; discretion really is the better part of valor here.

But lots of writers want to stay as true to their experiences as they can, and charge full speed ahead by writing real names, specific places, and step-by-step saucy action into their memoirs.

I’m talking less compromise here and more maturity.

Have you a care for an ex sex partner, a smidgen of good taste, and seeing as we are presently in the throes of rabid connections through social media, you might want to err on the side of not telling tales out of school even when you are telling ‘those’ kinds of tales.

I have been working on a memoir for a while now, a full account of some of my wild and woolly years of singledom, specifically as this time in my life relates to the kinks I have enjoyed with some wonderful ladies. But I’ve changed names, places, and shifted times, as well as also writing this book under a pseudonym. I don’t feel I’m compromising myself in any way and truly feel in my heart that the only way I can get this story told (and I do want to tell it) is to do all I can to hide identities.

As I always say here, you do you.

Proceed as you feel best. In fiction, you’ll certainly have more opportunities to distract your reader off the scent of a real person, place, or time. And while you can do the same in a memoir, I feel the trick when spinning as true an account as you want to (or dare) is to try and stay as close to the truth as you can while still maintaining discretion.

Remember, there are lots of naughty stories to read, write, tell, and Jill and Jack-off to in this great big world of ours. If you are contributing in any way to the erotica of the world, no matter what it is you are writing, please consider discretion.

The ass you keep from getting kicked could be your own.

100 Ways to Practice Self-Love: Celebrate Single’s Awareness Day

By

Domina Doll

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February 14, 2021

Hello Sexy Sexpert Peeps!

Today is Valentine’s and tomorrow is Single’s Awareness Day. So, whether you are single, dating or in a long-term relationship, there is reason to celebrate.

But, today I wanted to put together a list of 100 ways to celebrate yourself with Self Love!

Here you go:

100 Ways to Celebrate with Self Love For Single’s Awareness Day!

Okay, here are 100 ways to celebrate single’s awareness day by practicing self-love!

Buy yourself a sex toy. That was a given right?
Make a self-love date night with yourself and masturbate!
Buy yourself flowers.
List 10 things you love/appreciate about yourself.
Drink more water.
Read that book you’ve been wanting to read.
Write a gratitude list.
Meditate. Ahhh!
Get more sleep.
Binge-watch your fav TV show.
Take a sick day and rejuvenate.
Go for a walk in nature.
Eat dark chocolate.
Have a spa day (at home or book an appt.).
Create a playlist of your fav songs.
Go get a massage.
Flirt with a stranger.
Plan a stay-cation and focus on yourself.
Have a singles party night.
Try a new yoga or workout class.
Forgive yourself.
Post “Hello Beautiful” in lipstick on your mirror.
Take a Priestess bath (sea salts, essence oils, candlelight & music).
Be creative (do art, paint, write a poem, build a birdhouse, create a project you’ve been meaning to do just for fun).
Treat yourself to something scrumptious.
Do an Inner Smile meditation.
Go on an adventure and try something new.
Stretch. Both your body and your limits.
Schedule daily “me time”.
Do a deep breathing practice.
Delegate.
Say no.
Ask for help.
Breathe an essence oil to uplift you.
Call a friend.
Hang out with a friend.
Get a hug. Give a hug. Two in one!
Nourish your skin with premium body lotions.
Buy a new top, bottom or outfit.
Get a pedicure or Mani-pedi.
Paint your nails.
Dress up just because.
Eat premium ice cream.
Dance like nobody’s watching.
Watch a funny movie.
Learn to play!
Be spontaneous.
Listen to your gut or inner voice/essence.
Do kegel exercises or start a jade egg program.
Don’t worry, be happy.
Make a gourmet supper for one or take yourself out for dinner.
Stand up for yourself.
Create healthy boundaries.
Have a self care schedule.
Celebrate your wins!
Create your own daily Mantra.
Dream big. Dream Bigger!
Be positive and raise your vibration.
Surround yourself with things you love.
De-clutter your desk, bedroom, wherever you hang out.
Create a mediation room/area of your home.
Create a magic altar.
Stop procrastinating.
Slow down.
Stop “efforting” and go with the flow.
Live your passion.
Practice self-love and body-love.
Sing in the shower.
Be kind to yourself.
Turn off the phone, TV and internet and tune out.
Take a mini-retreat.
Practice being “Unperfect” and still know you are awesome.
Yell, scream, cry, beat up a pillow.
Get fresh air daily.
Get some sun.
Don’t just think about it, do it, do it, do it!
Organize a closet.
Focus on your food while eating and chew slowly.
Stimulate your senses.
Make a bucket list.
Cut down on caffeine.
Cut down on sugar.
Buy something you’ve always wanted.
Shake your booty.
Take compliments gracefully.
Let go of comparison.
Find a mentor.
Join a mastermind group.
Join a Goddess Tribe.
Start a self-pleasure practice.
Forgive others and mean it.
Stay away from energy vampires and end all toxic relationships.
Step outside your comfort zone.
Celebrate your uniqueness.
Brainstorm.
Write down your ideas.
Let go of the past.
Do a happy dance.
Don’t quit your daydream.
Celebrate Life!

So, let’s celebrate Single’s Appreciation Day with some self love and masturbation! Check out Store.Sexpert.com for all your sexy adult toy needs!

Valentine’s Test: How To Find Out If You Have A Keeper This Valentine’s Day

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

-

February 12, 2021

How do you know if the person you’re dating is a keeper?

I get this question all the time from clients, conference goers – even from friends. And when Valentine’s Day comes around, many people are drawn to evaluate their relationship compatibility and happiness.

There’s something about watching a sea of couples descend upon local restaurants, bars and bistros that makes you wonder, “Are they happy?” and then comes the inevitable, “Are we happy?”

In order to help couples evaluate their relationships more easily this Valentine’s season, I’ve come up with a list of questions that will not only provide food for thought, but might even initiate a communication breakthrough. It always amazes me how couples can go for weeks, months, even years without diving deep and connecting on core values, beliefs and goals. I’ve even counseled newlyweds who are shocked to discover they don’t agree on whether or not to have kids.

You don’t need to barrage your lover with all 50 questions at once, but scan the list for the ones that stand out to you. For example, maybe you already know how your partner likes to relax, but you’d love to know when they last had a good cry, or what they consider their most prize possession.

This list is good for couples who have just started dating, or are in a relationship. Going through this list with your lover helps you learn more about each other, opens up communication and creates intimacy.

Explore these Valentine’s Day compatibility questions together:

What is the worst thing a past date could say about you?
What is your most precious possession?
List the best qualities you have to bring to a relationship.
Do you think you need to make any personal improvements? If so, what?
What are your biggest fears about relationships?
Who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
Apart from your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
What is one thing that people do not notice about you right away that you wish they would?
What are 3 things that you cannot live without?
What is your definition of intimacy?
What was the most fun date you ever had?
What is your favorite way to relax?
What disgusts you?
When was the last time you cried?
What do you like to spend money on?
How much money do you need a year to be comfortable?
How would you describe a perfect date?
What 3 qualities must your partner have?
What is the worst habit that you have?
What would you do if you and your partner had a mismatched sex drive?
Describe yourself in one word.
What makes you angry?
Would you say that you are more dominant or submissive?
Who or what do you love?
What do you feel is the biggest success you have achieved in your life?
How many times have you been in love?
Would you rather your partner was funny, seductive, smart or nurturing?
When do you feel most vulnerable?
What lessons have you learned from past relationships?
What is a relationship deal-breaker for you?
What was your most embarrassing relationship moment?
What is your favorite part of your body?
What’s your favorite romantic, sensual or sexual activity?
What makes you believe that you are ready for a relationship?
What turns you on?
What turns you off?
What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
What’s the most hurtful criticism you’ve ever received?
Are you fanatical about anything?
What is the biggest failure or drawback you have ever experienced?
Can you overlook anything from your partner’s past?
Do you have any inhibitions?
What do you love about yourself the most?
What are you not willing to change for a relationship?
What do you think are the benefits of being in a relationship?
Do you believe in monogamy?
How do you feel about having kids?
If we have kids, what would your parenting style be?
What would you do if your partner became physically disabled?
What scares you?

Try Self-Discovery Instead:

If you’re feeling nervous about launching into this kind of couples’ self-discovery, try answering the questions just for yourself at first, and see what comes up for you. Grab a journal and write down your answers to whichever questions pique your interest, and let your feelings flow freely, without judgment. Insight into your own opinions and personal choices can only help foster clarity within the relationship, plus you’ll be one step closer to opening up a mutual dialogue and taking your intimacy to new heights.

May all your Valentine’s wishes come true!

Give The Perfect V-Day BJ: Blow Job Tips

By

Carrie Borzillo

-

February 11, 2021

Be the Best Blog Job Giver Ever!

Do you know how to train your throat not to gag? Do you know what is even more sensitive than the head of the penis? Well, neither did I until I took Chris and Larkin’s “Blow Jobs & Beyond” workshop at The Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood, California. If you don’t know what to get your man for Valentine’s Day, give him the gift of the perfect blowjob!

Here are some of Chris and Larkin’s best tips…

Give Him a Nice View

Guys are visual creatures. The first step is to dress up for his Valentine’s Day blowjob. Wear lingerie or whatever he finds you sexiest in. Next, find the right position that gives him a view of your favorite assets. If he’s a butt guy, give him a view of your ass by lying on your stomach facing down to service him.

Or, if he’s a boobs guy, have him sit on the bed or stand while you are on your knees in your best push-up bra. “Don’t forget eye contact,” says Chris, who not only teaches classes at The Pleasure Chest but is also founder of GoFraternize.org, which is a community for “guys who like guys.”

I personally like to have my fingernails nice and long and painted because a boyfriend once told me he loved how his cock looked in my hand.

Worship His Cock

Enthusiasm is the most important trait of a great blowjob. You see, men love their penises. They want you love their penises as well. If you love him, love his cock. Tell him it’s beautiful. Tell him you can’t wait to devour it. He needs to feel like it’s not a “job” for you.

“It’s empowering because it’s his prized possession,” says Chris. I could not agree more. And, as Larkin pointed out during the seminar, Samantha on Sex and the City once said, “Maybe you’re on your knees, but you got him by the balls!”

If you truly don’t love sucking dick, well, don’t do anything you don’t want to. But, try to give it a go, girls… especially for Valentine’s Day!

Practice Deep-Throating

Now, this is a new tip to me! If your guy is itching to have you deep-throat him, but your gag reflect just won’t allow it, you can actually train your natural gag reflex to not be so sensitive.

Here’s how: “Every day when you brush your teeth, brush the back of your tongue and go further back each time until you get used it,” advises Larkin.

I’m on Day 7 of Deep Throat Training and it’s going well. I’ll think I’ll be ready by Valentine’s Day!

Don’t Forget The Frenulum

I always knew the tip of the penis was the most sensitive, but I didn’t know that the frenulum – the V-shaped ridge part of the head also called the “sweet spot” – is specifically the most sensitive. “Using your tongue in different ways on his frenulum. You can use the flat part of your tongue and then the pointy tip of your tongue. You can lick, suck, and blow on it, or try an ice cube,” says Chris.

Give Your Mouth a Rest

You are bound to give a better blowjob if you are comfortable and not stuck doing one monotonous thing over and over. “No one wants to spend 20 minutes straight sucking dick in one position. You want to mix it up by using toys, your mouth, and your hand. 80% of a good blowjob is a good handjob,” says Larkin.

Using an open-ended masturbation sleeve is a fun way to mix it up. This way you can be sucking and licking the tip of his penis while jerking him off with the sleeve. The Pleasure Chest’s Better Blowjob Kit includes a sleeve, a flavorful lube (to either help prevent dry mouth while sucking or to use for an easier handjob), and a vibrating cock ring to give him some extra fun down under.

My favorite BJ product is Doc Johnsons’ GoodHead Wet Head dry mouth spray in sweet strawberry. You’ll never have to worry about not having enough saliva again!

Read Dr. Ava ‘s Give The Perfect V-Day VJ here!

Major red flags when dating a divorced man

By

Ely Torres

-

February 11, 2021

pexels-alex-azabache-3727259 — Photo by Alex Azabache from Pexels

Once you hit 30, it gets harder and harder to find one or the other: someone who has never been married and someone who doesn’t have children. But usually, it’s both. Everyone has kids nowadays; and sometime you might even feel like you might be missing out on someone who might be really good for you because they are a parent or are divorced. After all, not all parents come with baby mama/daddy drama and not all divorcees are pathetic. I say that you should go out on that date with the hot, divorced dad you met at the gym. BUT…if you see these red flags…girl, you better run.

He just got divorced

If the man you’re seeing is very recently divorce or is still in the process of finalizing the divorce, you may want to slow things down or stop seeing him because it’s probably not the best time for him to start a new relationship. It’s true that he may have been ready for a divorce for a long time and when it’s final, his feelings towards you won’t change. On the other hand, if it’s still very fresh, he most likely hasn’t had the closure that is needed to move on from something as serious as a marriage.

He won’t shut up about his ex

If he’s talking about his ex and his divorce all the time, he’s not ready for new love yet and instead, needs a friend with a patient ear, not a new relationship. Don’t worry about finding out all the details of her past life with him, her new life or intimate details about why they didn’t work out.

He stalks her social media

He may claim that he follows her on Instagram so he can see pictures of his children or because they parted in a friendly way. But he’s just checking up on her. If he gets emotional if anyone else is in her life or is suspicious of her activities and glaringly talks to you about them then you need to drop him asap. These are all things that no longer concern him. If you sense even the smallest amount of stalker behavior, where he’s following her online or in person excessively, you should gtfo.

They communicate A LOT

During a divorce, there may be reasons for him to get in touch with his ex-wife to finalize the details of the split. But, unless they had the world’s most amicable breakup and ALL of the chemistry is gone, he shouldn’t be all that involved in her life after the divorce. If either of them depends on the other for help with personal problems, they haven’t moved on yet. If they have children, they will need to stay in contact, but other than that, there’s no need for them to hang out together and be always available for each other. HOWEVER, if they are talking 24/7 and he always says it’s about the kids, it might be a huge fucking stretch. If he leaves you hanging often and blames the kids for that, too, then you might as well drop him before you start resenting his kids because of his lies.

He feels he “needs to date”

Even if a guy knows that he is not ready to start dating again, he may still want to get laid. Or, his friends might be pressuring him into it. After a divorce, he might be looking just for a quick fling, want to enjoy his freedom as a single guy, and not be quite ready to settle down again. Is he hard on love, relationships, and marriage? Does he sound bitter when he talks about true love or finding a partner to stay with? Those are signs that he’s really not ready for the long haul yet, and he’s just on the rebound, looking for someone temporary to cheer him up and boost his damaged pride. Or, if you detect his heart’s not in it, he’s not listening to what you’re saying, or he’s hardly talking, it may be possible that he’s just not ready to date again. Give him time to heal first and maybe later on you can both try again.

He’s always sad or complaining

It’s natural that he might get a bit down when talking about his divorce or former marriage but it’s not okay for him to be constantly sad or pissed off about it. If he’s moping around, living in the past, he’s not ready for a relationship. If he’s always complaining to you about her and bringing up old arguments and issues between them, maybe he didn’t learn anything from his past relationship: a sign that he’s not ready for a new one.

He’s dating a few women

If you’re not the only one he’s dating, then he’s not ready to be in a relationship again. He may be in a stage where he just wants to get out there and have a good time and that’s okay as long as you are aware of what is going on and don’t mind. Not sure whether he’s dating others? If he has a hard time committing to dates or can’t really make long-term plans, he’s likely not only dating you

He doesn’t know what’s next in his life

Has he decided where he wants to live if he’s the one that’s moving out, or is he still living somewhere temporary until he decides what to do? If he has children, has he moved into a set pattern of when he will see them and what he does when they are together? If he’s still confused, you gotta be okay with being there for him every step of the way if he needs it and tbh, in a new relationship, that is simply too much. Let him figure his shit out and rejoin him in his “starting over yet again” phase. Trust me, that phase is a lot more fun.

If any of these red flags are present, proceed with caution and avoid falling for him, cuz he aint gonna catch you.

Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about my male readers! Men, if you run into any of these women, esp number 10… avoid them at all costs! Trust me, you’ll thank the lovely Ms. Erika Jordan later.

+++

Previously Published at http://lovecoachadvice.com/major-red-flags-when-dating-a-divorced-man/

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Explore these Valentine’s Day compatibility questions together:

Try Self-Discovery Instead:

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Give Him a Nice View

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He just got divorced

He won’t shut up about his ex

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