HEAL THE WORLD!!! Click Here For Special Offers From Dr. Ava
Monday, July 7, 2025

Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults

Sexpert.com has the Best Sex Education Articles for Adults from an expert line up of certified sex experts.

Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.

Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.

Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.

Explore sexpert articles from our top sex educators.

10 New Year’s Resolutions to Make & Break

You know you want to live your life to your full potential so that you can be happy and healthy. You also want to have the best relationship that will keep getting better. You want to grow together, not apart and the best way to accomplish that is by setting some New Year’s Resolutions that are guaranteed to improve your communication, enhance your romance, increase your intimacy and expand your sexual horizons. But first you have break bad habits that have been keeping you for being happy personally and or in a relationship.

Here are 10 bad habits with some action steps to help you resolve them.

1. Cheating – don’t go to tempting places or get into tempting situations.

2. Smoking – ration yourself to smoke one less every day until you give it up.

3. Drinking – just drink on weekends or special occasions.

4. Drugs – get help from a support group.

5. Food – eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper.

6. Gambling – give the money to charity instead.

7. Abuse – take time out before you say or do something you’ll regret.

8. Laziness – make a list of productive things to do and check them off daily.

9. Clutter – Organize one room at a time.

10. Selfishness – help others by volunteering your time, donating money or personal items to people who have less than you.

What is your bad habit and what is one action step you can take to resolve it?

Here are 10 Relationship Resolutions that will make your relationship even better.

1. Set a Romance Goal – Hold hands, kiss daily, make time for make-out sessions at least 3 times a week and take turns initiation romantic dates such as candlelight dinners or movie night.
2. Set an Intimacy Goal – Listen to each other, be emotionally supportive, share your feelings and make love with eyes open at least 2 times a week.
3. Set a Communication Goal –Ask your partner how you can be a better partner. Praise your partner often, give him or her a compliment every day, listen more, argue less, verbalize appreciation more and criticize less.
4. Set a Collaboration Goal – Spend quality time together by doing things you both enjoy. Learn a new hobby together, take dance classes, Loveology online classes, cooking, yoga, camping, painting, or volunteering for a charity. Take a short vacay for a weekend to the Loveology Retreat for yoga, meditation, hiking and stargazing.
5. Set Habit Changing Goal – Make a pact to help each other lose weight, stop smoking, procrastinating, being messy, lazy, grumpy or any other bad habit where you can support each other to quit.
6. Set Fun Goal – Play indoor and outdoor games like you did when you were a kid. From hide and seek to pillow fighting, be silly and playful to put the fun back into your relationship.
7. Set Intention Goal – Write a couples mission statement and include where you see your relationship in one year. Then frame it in your home as a personal and public reminder of your shared relationship mission.
8. Set Improvement Goal – Change something about yourself to make your relationship even better. For example, make an effort to dress up and greet your partner with a kiss after work, learn how to give a sensual massage or just get a fashion makeover.
9. Set Forgiveness Goal – Let go of past hurts, open up your heart and let love in with a fresh New Year’s start. Write a forgiveness letter to yourself or to someone who has hurt you, but end the letter by writing that you forgive.
10. Set Happiness Goal – Know what makes you happy individually and as a couple. Then live your life to the fullest by doing the things that make you happy, whether it’s eating ice cream, being pampered at a spaor cuddling with your partner.

Be realistic when setting your New Years Relationship Resolutions. The reality is that a consistently successful relationship takes compromise and commitment.

 

The Feminist Sexpert Says: Vote No on Throat

Photo found at Pexels, taken by Andrea Piacquadio

In the future, when a woman’s crying like that, she isn’t having any fun!–Louise Sawyer, a title character in the film Thelma and Louise–a film deservedly listed in the Library of Congress National Film Registry.  

So last year commenced the 50th anniversary celebration for the film Deep Throat, a pornographic film credited with launching the ‘porno chic’ movement–a celebration in which the Feminist Sexpert did not take part, because she thinks the flick reeks. She wrote a column detailing the reasons behind her stance here

Ah, but she’s not done yet.

Now comes the news that, to cap off the big ol’ Throaty Party, a campaign called #VoteThroat has been launched–a campaign that promotes the inclusion of the film Deep Throat in the Library of Congress National Film Registry.

In this column, I would like to address and refute the reasoning presented behind this campaign.

1. The Throaty Committee claims that, despite a stated goal to list a full spectrum of films from all genres, the Library of Congress has yet to include an X-rated film in its heralded registry. This is incorrect. Midnight Cowboy, Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song and Medium Cool all were rated X at the time of their release, as was Pink Flamingos–and all four are now featured in the registry. In fact, a number of sexually provocative movies are featured in this esteemed listing, including the aforementioned Cowboy, She’s Gotta Have It, Sex, Lies and Videotape, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Harold and Maude, Son of the Sheik, Jezebel, Mom and Dad, and many others.

This year alone, Dee Rees’ fantastic Pariah joins a handful of LGBTQA films to make the list.

It may be true that no pornographic film is featured in the registry–but why start with Deep Throat? The Feminist Sexpert, for example, would love to see Candida Royalle’s Femme, a movie that single handedly revolutionized the couples market and marked the inception of feminist porn as a marketable industry, on the list. Another likely candidate would be The Devil in Miss Jones, though I personally am not a fan. Andy Warhol’s Blue Movie was the first explicit sex film to be released nationwide in the United States. Boys in the Sand was the inaugural gay porno to receive a wide release. And Andrew Blake’s beautiful Night Trips was the first XXX film to win a top award at a mainstream international film festival.

2. They listed When Harry Met Sally. Why not Deep Throat? Sure. When I think of When Harry Met Sally, a wise, sweet, gentle romantic comedy, I also think of a porno movie about a woman who discovers that her clitoris is located in her throat.

But yes, the Throat Throng believes that, because of its featured and famous orgasm scene (I’ll have what she’s having and all that), new registry inductee When Harry Met Sally is comparable to Deep Throat. Here’s the problem: in her faked orgasm scene, Meg Ryan’s character of Sally was demonstrating just how easy it is for a woman to fake a climax; something far too many women do every day. In Deep Throat, by contrast, the audience is supposed to believe that the heroine gets her proverbial jollies solely from the performance of oral sex. In other words, just be a good girl and fall to your knees to please your man–only in this way will you find true happiness.

3. Deep Devotees insist that Deep Throat is woman positive, sex positive and fun to watch. This is the saddest, and most grossly inaccurate assertion put forth by the Throaters; that Deep Throat is a light-hearted, fun-loving film that makes a positive statement about women’s sexuality. 

The movie’s star, Linda Lovelace, aka Linda Boreman, insisted for years that she was coerced into the making of the film Deep Throat–not by the film’s cast and crew, but by a manager husband who abused her for years.

Boreman’s story drew much support from legendary feminist Gloria Steinem, and credence from witnesses and the affirming results of several lie detector tests. 

If you look beyond the blank eyes and childlike smile that she displays in the film, you see the bruises on her body. And as Roger Ebert stated in his brilliant review of Deep Throat, “It is all very well and good for Linda Lovelace, the star of the movie, to advocate sexual freedom; but the energy she brings to her role is less awesome than discouraging. If you have to work this hard at sexual freedom, maybe it isn’t worth the effort.” 

And as far as being a peachy couples flick, well the immortal Ebert has an answer for that.
“The word just sort of got around: This is the first stag film to see with a date,” he wrote. “There were a lot of couples in the audience Sunday afternoon. Most of them, I thought, left the theater looking a little grim.”

Two points I will concede: Deep Throat exceeds 10 years in age. And it does indeed boast a female lead character–like the vast majority of porn flicks. Congrats on that.

The Feminist Sexpert herself never has attended a public showing of the film Deep Throat. She has, however, visited the film research room of the Library of Congress. When I was researching my book Ladies in Silver, a chronicle of women who worked behind the scenes in the silent film industry, I basked in the beauty and tradition of this hallowed hall–a place that people go to celebrate the very best in film.

Deep Throat has no place at the Library in Congress. Linda Boreman does have a place in history, but it was one for which she constantly had to fight.

During her appearance on the TV show Woman2Woman in 1984, Linda Boreman asked an adult theatre owner point blank, “Do you realize that whenever you show the film Deep Throat in your theater, that you’re showing me being raped?”

The woman said nothing for a moment before mumbling, “No, I don’t realize that at all.”

Then she looked away.  


Product Review: the Namii™ by Biird

Photo taken fromhttps://www.biird.co/products/namii?variant=40901867765807

I received the Namii™ by Biird for a product for review.  First, I have to say the packaging was beautiful.  It is eye catching, and the box was unlike anything I had ever seen.  The artwork on the packaging was phenomenal. 

Photo taken from https://www.biird.co/products/namii?variant=40901867765807

When I opened the box, I was excited to see the design and the charger.  Again, very innovative and unlike any product on the market.  I have seen hundreds of products with my over 30 years in the industry and this item had me super excited.

The Namii™ by Biird, is a new 2-in-1 clitoral stimulator that comes with both suction and vibration functions that can be used independently or at the same time. The great thing about this toy, it is hands-free! It comes with a wireless magnetic charging base that serves as a mood lamp.  It let’s you know when it is fully charged when the light goes off.

Photo taken from https://www.biird.co/products/namii?variant=40901867765807

The Namii’s suction feels like you are receiving great oral sex and makes you orgasm within minutes.  It gives you that leg shaking orgasm with or without a partner.  With its 5 suction intensities & 5 vibration patterns it fulfilled my every want and need after the first use.  It is fully waterproof & whisper quiet, smooth, squish, body-safe silicone and has an amazing mood light charging base.

Biird is a female-led pleasure positive brand from the Netherlands. Their mission is to dispel the taboo surrounding sex toys and other products designed specifically to make you feel good.  They are the 2022 winner of the European Product Design Award.

They were a big surprise to the industry and after working with industry-leading pleasure brands for more than 20 years, they’ve come to know the restrictions and barriers placed on sex toys all too well.  The crafted beautiful sex toys, made with only the highest quality body-safe materials and have made them affordable and available for everyone to enjoy. 

Overall, I give them two thumbs up and a fist bump for their packaging, innovation, and powerful clit stimulator.  This is a must have in your toy box. 

For more information on the Namii™, visit their website by clicking here.

Sex By Moon

Photo by: Ahmad Hidayat on Unsplash

Have you ever wondered if the Moon plays a role in sex. Do we have more sex at different times of the Moon’s cycle? Is it the same if you are dating versus in a relationship? What role does it play with respect to gender? The answer to all these questions asked is, it depends.

What is good for one might not be good for another. Life is strange like that; we do not all fit into the same box.

The Moon has a strong effect on us. Throughout time, people have documented the behavior of living things with the lunar cycles. Humans have been known to have more energy, not sleep as much, and do some wild things. We do not know totally why the Moon affects us like this, but it does.

Photo by: Sanni Sahil on Unsplash

We know the four phases of the menstrual cycle run about 28 days, same as the Moon’s cycle. We also know the Moon controls the tides. Why is that important? According to the U.S. Geological Survey, a human adult body is made up to 60% water.

Researchers completed extensive studies several decades ago and found the proportion of water in our bodies. They went through the body piece by piece to find out where the water was. In the chart below, you can see just what proportion of each organ is water. For example, our skin is made up of 64% water and our lungs are 83% water.

Water Content of Human Organs

Organs Percentage
Brain and Heart Combined 73%
Lungs 83%
Skin 64%
Muscles and Kidneys Combined 79%
Bones 31%

 

Now, you might be asking, why do we care to know that our body is made up of water? Because, if the Moon affects the tides of the world, it makes sense that the Moon can affect us as well because of the 60% water we are made from. And we know about the Moon affecting hormones, thereby affecting all of us because it does not matter your gender, we all have hormones.

Your libido may rise and fall in sync with the cycles of the Moon, such as, on a Full Moon your sex drive might surge if ovulation coincides with the Moon. The following presents a brief summary of information for each phase of the lunar cycle.

New Moon is the best time to try new things.

  • New Partner
  • New Location
  • New Position

Waxing Moon is the best for self.

  • Self-Love
  • Self-Exploration
  • Self-Masturbation

Full Moon is the best time for sex.

  • Sexual Desires are at their highest
  • Hormonal levels are at their highest.
  • Pheromones levels are at their highest

Waning Moon is best for non-sexual activities.

  • Recharging Time.
  • Communicating and Planning Time.
  • Self-Care Time

But how does the Moon play a role in Dating versus in a Relationship. You find out that each phase of the lunar cycle changes our mindset regarding mood and actions. Please remember nothing is set in stone. These are just observations over the years by many. There are always outliers.

Photo by: Javardh on Unsplash

New Moon: This time is very fluid, so have fun.

Relationship: Because you are in a relationship, this is a great time to try something new with your partner. This is the time to let the fun ‘out’ and enjoy the experience. You do not want to be complacent in the relationship. This is the time when you want to add a little sugar and spice to it, to keep things interesting.

Dating: This is the perfect time for you to try new things out. See what you like and do not like. When dating you should keep a list with your goals to keep track of your progress. Also, it will let you deviate from your plan if you choose to go another way. Remember this is the time when you are putting yourself out there to find someone you want to be with.

Waxing Moon: This is a holding position, focusing on you.

Relationship: You each in the relationship need to look inward. Care for yourself then take the time to care for each other, treating the relationship as one. This can be hard at first so look at this way. Pamper and play with yourself, then take the time to spend time together. You may find that you are relaxed and free to self-explore each other during this time.

Dating: This is the time you start looking at who you want to date. If you have gone out on a date and this is a follow-up date, you are learning about each other and how well you fit together. Can you make your lives fit together?  Do you complement each other or are you at odds with each other?

Full Moon: Interesting, whether you are involved or not.

Relationship: This is the time when you could take your relationship to the next level, or a great time to say, ‘I Love You.’ Either way, this phase of the Moon is excellent for a stronger commitment. It is the time you both take sex to another plane. You have a deeper connection.

Dating: You will find that you slow down some. You might make a date only to have them cancel on you. When you do not have a connection or a deep bond, you may find yourself fighting or arguing with each other. If you are dating, having sex on a Full Moon may not happen.

Photo by: Ryan Young on Unsplash

Waning Moon: Time for rejuvenating and recharging.

Relationship: This is the time you and your partner self-reflect and reflect on your relationship. You have a deeper bond with each other, knowing the other plays a role in satisfying one’s needs. Because of the connection you each have you are able to enjoy the recharging together.

Dating: Consider what you have learned about yourself and the others you have dated. When you are dating, apply the information learned on the first date to the second and third. This will help build a deeper relationship with your date, especially if you are hoping for the date to blossom into something more.

One more thought to consider is Moon Bathing, another name is ‘Chandra Snana’, which is the bathing with or without water under Moonlight. Allowing the Moonlight to recharge you, giving you a feeling of well-being, but also making you feel purified. This can lead to a delightful time with yourself or with a partner. It has been known to bring the wild side out, especially under a full Moon.

What is the take away? The Moon does play a role in our sex lives when it comes to dating and/or relationships. Gender, not so much, because we all have hormones that are affected by the Moon’s pull. It is important to know that you can learn from previous actions so you can grow and understand later relationships, whether causal or serious, for a more enlighten time. Have fun and always keep things consensual.

Tracy’s Dog Surreal Vibrator Review

Photo taken from: https://www.tracysdog.com/products/surreal-app-controlled-lipstick-vibrator

Tracy’s Dog Surreal Vibrator Review

The Tracy’s Dog Surreal is cute, compact and has the look of a lipstick vibe, but thicker in size than most on the market.  I loved that I could carry it with me, and no one would know what it was.  The app capability is a plus it is powerful, has 10 modes of vibrations, is 100% waterproof, made with body safe 100% silicone and has an app capability for better functionality.  The packaging is beautiful with instructions to use inside the package.

Photo taken from: https://www.tracysdog.com/products/surreal-app-

In my opinion, it delivers a powerful orgasm, the Surreal is great for first time users and those who use vibes regularly. The rumbly vibrations are moderate but deep, making for satisfying experiences with every use. The travel-friendly design is a big plus for those on the go, as it’s also quiet and easy to clean.  And did I mention, it is 100% waterproof, for fun water play!

Photo taken from: https://www.tracysdog.com/products/surreal-app-

One of the standout features is the storage cap.  It is a simple but clever addition and easy to take off and put on.  Not only does it keep the stimulation tip clean when it’s bouncing around in a drawer, but it also allows you to cover it right after use if you can’t rinse it immediately. This cap is a significant upgrade from fabric pouches, which tend to leave behind lint on silicone toys.

Photo taken from: https://www.tracysdog.com/products/surreal-app-

I like that the body of this toy is flexible, allowing for movement during use.   Some users like the hard stiffness of other vibes, but I feel the Surreal is more satisfying and put pressure where it is needed.

The app was easy to install and is very user friendly.  It has fun features and allows you to connect via remote with other users, how cool is that. The app has a VIP membership that allows you to add additional features but is not required to use basic functions.  You can earn gems or purchase them like in other online games you play.  For long-distance use, users pay a per-minute fee, it can be an expensive choice for couples looking to stay connected from afar.

Photo taken from: https://www.tracysdog.com/products/surreal-app-

 

Overall, the Tracy’s Dog Surreal is a game changer to app capable and remote toys. It is quiet, travel-friendly, and has a handy storage cap. The bendable body and app add to the experience. It is great for solo or couple use but may be costly to add VIP or long-distance use.  It delivers a satisfying experience whichever way you choose.

Scientific Study Says “Sex Unleashes Your Tongue.”

A new study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin,  says that when people get sexually excited by someone they just met, they “self disclose” and tell personal things about themselves to total strangers. According to the study, sexual attraction can result in TMI moments. (“You’re really cute; let me tell you about my boobs!”)

The mouthful study is called “Sex Unleashes Your Tongue,” Sexual Priming Motivates Self-Disclosure to a New Acquaintance and Interest In Future Interactions.”

The study looked at the “mechanisms of social connection” when it comes to romantic love, pair-bonding, and the dopaminergic reward system.” Researchers  were interested in studying how “activation of the sexual system affects relationship-initiation processes.” In other words, do humans talk about themselves and reveal personal things about themselves to get laid? Hell yes! But since its subconscious, they have no idea they’re doing it.

“In Study 1, participants were “subliminally exposed to sexual stimuli (vs. neutral stimuli), and then disclosed over Instant Messenger a personal event to an opposite-sex stranger.” Results showed that merely thinking about sex, even without being aware of it, encouraged self-disclosure.” So in the future, if you’re not sure whether someone “like likes” you, they will let you know by talking about themselves.

“Study 2 replicated these findings in relatively naturalistic conditions (live face-to-face interactions following supraliminal video priming”). The “video priming” was a sexy sex scene from the movie “Original Sin” where Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie are gettin’ it on. The “placebo” group had to watch a cat video.

Subjects were then asked to self-disclose an embarrassing personal event to another participant during a face-to-face interaction.”Following this interaction, subjects rated the extent to which they self-disclosed to the other person, and reported if and where they wanted to spend a first date, such as a bar or a restaurant.” (This was to access compatibility and attraction.)

Study 3 extended these findings, indicating that sexual priming facilitated self-disclosure, which, in turn, increased interest in future interactions with the stranger. Together, these findings suggest that activation of the sexual system encourages the use of strategies that allow people to become closer to potential partners.” Being vulnerable and disclosing personal stuff creates intimacy, like the convos you have with your closest friends.
The study furthers the idea that “sharing of private aspects of the self with another person is a well-documented way for people to increase interpersonal intimacy and enhance relationship formation.” So tell me more about your privates…
Check out the webinar on how to become a Relationship Coach, click the here.

 

Whore: the Etymology of Misogyny

Photo: 20th Century Studios / Disney

What is a Whore?

Most will agree whore is not a complimentary word. Unlike “bitch”, “slut” and “pussy”, all of which were derogatory terms historically, women have not been able to reclaim whore as a way to reduce the efficacy of it and make the word become an empowering mechanism against misogyny.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a whore as:

Whore Definition:

  1. somewhat old-fashioned : (derogatory) a person who engages in sexual intercourse for pay: PROSTITUTE;

2 offensive: a promiscuous or immoral woman

3: a male who engages in sexual acts for money

4: a venal or unscrupulous person

In 1976, Pulitzer Prize-winning historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich penned that “Well behaved women seldom make history.” So it’s no surprise that Mary Magdalene, Cleopatra, Marilyn Monroe, all labeled whores in their own right, have remained notorious historical celebrities. 

*Forgiven by Greg Olsen

Despite newly uncovered scripture and the obvious dark skin pigmentation of an entire region, many Catholics will deny until their grave any possibility of Jesus taking Mary Magdalene as his lover but accept without a doubt that the color of his skin was white.

Likewise, although little historical evidence, her salvation from prostitution has been the preferred narrative for future male religious leaders to ratify. (Biblical Archaeology) In the Gospel of John, Jesus appears to Mary Magdalene alone after his resurrection and instructs her to warn the disciples of his return, which sounds closer to date night than penance.

 The pattern of remembrance for future female figures who dare make men uncomfortable by deviating from accepted behavior, like Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe, is manipulated from embodying their power to the grandiose rumor of promiscuity. 

At the age of 18, Cleopatra controlled the entire eastern Mediterranean coast, the last great kingdom of any Egyptian ruler. Rather than being documented in history as the sole female of the ancient world to rule alone and influence Western affairs, poet Propertius set the tone of her immortality dubbing her the “Whore Queen.” (NY Times) Marilyn Monroe fell prey to this same treatment and did not survive the harassment of a culture obsessed with sex, victimized since a child by Hollywood’s vicious predatory nature.

This was finally rioted against by the “Me Too” movement, 57 years after her overdose. At the time, the public scrutinized Monroe’s breast and self-autonomy, while alleged lovers like Frank Sinatra, John F. Kennedy, and Marlon Brando received praise for their sexual conquests. (Forbes)

Marilyn Monroe posing for photographers while filming the subway grate scene in Manhattan for The Seven Year Itch.

Jesus Christ should have been more specific with those allowed the luxury of judgment: Only evangelicals with the ambition to remain virgins could cast the first stone at Mary Magdalene; Rulers without mistresses to judge Cleopatra’s promiscuity; For men who wouldn’t look up Marilyn Monroe’s dress to criticize her sex appeal.

The etymology of misogyny weaponizes labels intended to suppress female control over their bodies and sexuality. It’s a culture of toxic masculinity that doesn’t desire women to remain abstinent but subordinate.

Whore itself is a euphemism for jargon that has not survived; however, sexism and bigotry transcend not just language but geography, religion, art, and time. The word traces back to the Old English “hore,” directly signifying, “prostitute, harlot.” It boasts a portfolio of definitions from various points throughout history, and in different dialects, including “adulterer, fornicator,” and “physical filth, slime.”

Language molded the use of the word like clay. Tracing back its etymological roots, at one point, it’s origins were used as a synonym for “Christian love,” which explains how “making love” and “fucking” can refer to the same action but contrast so starkly in principle. (Dictionary.com) Whether the term is “bad” or “good” lies in the lips of the beholder. 

In Leviticus 21:7, holy men are forbidden from marrying “a prostitute or a woman who has been defiled, neither shall they marry a woman divorced from her husband, for the priest is holy to his God.” In this case, whore is applied to divorcees, sex workers, and sex itself. The label has been more specific to gender than meaning.

That is, until introducing homosexuals, as seen in 1 Kings 14:24: “And there were also male cult prostitutes in the land. They did according to all the abominations of the nations that the Lord drove out before the people of Israel.” As a verb, whored means “to make a whore of; corrupt; debauch,” attributing its marginalization against lifestyles considered corrupted by sin. 

Not unrelated, it’s a fascinating phenomenon that human sensory receptors interpret freezing temperatures identically to extreme heat. Likewise, the symptoms of loving and hating someone are often the same. Despite civilization emphasizing the negative connotation, whore is not that different, and exploring the origins will illustrate a contentiously thin line between priesthood and prostitution. In fact, in commemorating figures, such as “The Whore of Babylon” like gods, their power is held to the same pedestal.

*Babylon the Great by Phillip Malpass

The “father of history,” Greek scholar Herodotus, was one of the first classical writers to distinguish the social comparisons and contradictions between the Greek world and the Persian empire, investigating rather than merely recording.

In The Histories, the most prominent fluctuation of all is women’s treatment and their role in society. The tug-of-war between patrilineality and matrilineality is evident, like when comparing tribes of warrior women, “who must kill in battle to be allowed to marry,” to other groups who auctioned off wives like slaves. But the most controversial practice Herodotus identifies is that of “sacred prostitution” in the ancient city of Babylon. 

“The most shameful of the Babylonians’ customs is this: Every local woman must sit in the sanctuary of Aphrodite once in life to “mingle” with a foreign man.” In other words, male doctrine forced women into prostitution in the name of godliness, albeit religious leaders use that same blind faith to condemn those that do it voluntarily in the present day. (Irish Times)

Prostitution is defined by engaging in sexual activity in exchange for payment. Historically, “Sacred Prostitution,” other times coined “sacred sex” or “sacred sexual rites” in cases where payment for services was not involved, depicts the practice of using intercourse as a means of satisfying religious expectations. In Babylonia, society demanded women to offer themselves in the temple of worship and succumb to sex with strangers, without the option of rejection, regardless of the amount provided as it then became sacred.

After honoring her godliness, the woman could go home, and “thereafter there is no bribe however great that will get her.” This custom applied to unwed girls’ temporary rite, but female sacred sexual priestesses (lifelong rite) were also protected. They could inherit property from their fathers, collect income from their brothers’ land, and dispose of property. These rights have been described as extraordinary, taking into account the role of women at the time. (Wiki)

Modern society not only teaches children but normalizes the oppression of women into adultery every day in schools, though they whitewash history and call it a dowry. Countless generations passed down the manipulation of language for power like folklore, but forget to mention meaning is man-made. As a phrasal verb, whore out means to “exploit (someone or something) crassly or unscrupulously for personal gain.”  (AHD)

Instead of remembering women as survivors (and men as the assailant), history villainizes them for temptation. The Bible doesn’t fight against rape and sex trafficking in all its forms, but it does develop a liking for the usage of “whore” as a feminine adjective.

The Whore of Babylon refers to both a symbolic female figure and a place of evil mentioned in the Book of Revelation. In other words, your body is a temple unless it’s a vagina with a mind of its own. The most catastrophic display of misogyny in all religion lies at the very heart of Christianity, revering the Virgin Mary as the symbol of purity for immaculate conception, birthing the beginning of unrealistic expectations for women. (Good Reads)

Fast forward to the new millennium, and we’ve broken the visible chains but not the system. Just look at the public outrage inspired by Cardi B and Megan thee Stallion’s new song WAP. Two sexually liberated adult women rapping about their bodies and consensual sex, and they are immediately attacked with criticism and demonized.

Conservative pundit Ben Shapiro wrote, “My only real concern is that the women involved — who apparently require a ‘bucket and a mop’ — get the medical care they require.” Fortunately, science supports sexual pleasure. OB-GYN and public health researcher Dr. Daniel Grossman responded, “In my medical opinion, it’s normal — important even — for women to have a WAP. Vaginal lubrication is common & orgasm experience depends on the individual. We should not shame women who have WAP.” (NY Post)

Courtesy of Billboard

 While men have been bragging about making lovers “wet” since the inception of rap, once women own their bodies’ narrative, they are accused of carrying sexually transmitted diseases, a link often made with whore. Not to mention, it’s only the male vocals in the background that sing, “There’s some whores in this house.” The two singers unknowingly revoked their power and fed into the patriarchy that shames them. Cardi B probably considered it a form of irony, but the sex-positive anthem would’ve been groundbreaking with a femme vocal owning it.

Their refrain from personally claiming the title is not coincidental. While progressive women today freed themselves from the burden of caring about male judgment, it doesn’t take away the stigma gifted to girls at a young age. Pop culture immortalized the word’s connotation so much through slang that it’s made it nearly impossible for women to wield back control, such as been done with the appropriation of other words, like “bitch” and “pussy,” such as seen in Meredith Brooks – “I’m a bitch I’m a lover,” or the finesse of the legendary girl group, the Pussycat Dolls. Shakespeare alone uses “whore” over 99 times, not including all the other colorful synonyms, setting the foundation for future male poets, which today are called rappers.

Now opposed by feminists as slut-shaming, most won’t remember the first time they encountered some bastardization of the word, but every young girl feels the fear of being accused one. But what does it even mean? Is a whore a person who performs intercourse for payment, has sex before marriage or sleeps with more than five people before turning thirty? Is it your mother, your sister, your lover?  Although it lacks a universal definition, there’s a widespread irrational paranoia of being accused as one. But how can you become that which does not exist? It’s like being scared to match the identity of a sexist chameleon. 

Forbidden Fruit

The tale of Adam and Eve is simple: Two grown, naked adults bite the same forbidden apple, purposefully committing the same sin, but history blamed Eve as the temptress and, unintendedly, the commander. If men collapse helplessly to the influence of female sexuality, doesn’t that make women the figure of authority? 

Whether whore can be reappropriated by this generation remains to be seen, but the action begins by empowering its categorization as a form of self-liberation. In devaluing its worth in shame, the usage will inevitably continue evolving on its own. 

 

 

How to Tell Your Partner What You Love in Bed

Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

Communication Skills for Better (Wild!) Sex, Just the Way You Want It!

This headline, How to Tell Your Partner What You Love in Bed, sounds like a really “Duh” statement, but it’s something that I haven’t  asserted for myself much in the past.

A lot of that had been my own fault. I never spoke up. In some cases I was just happy to get laid or I was afraid of offending someone whose techniques or enthusiasm were lacking. Before, during and not long after my 12-year marriage, I honestly didn’t know what could be done or how awesome I could feel.

But sex should be spectacular. Great sex usually something that just happens. It should be an event whether you’re with someone for the first time or have been with someone for a number of years. It requires great communication skills as well as a wild sex drive or mastery of technical skills.

Telling Your Partner What You Love in Bed

If your partner is doing something and it’s not quite setting off bells and whistles, speak up. Guide him or her with your hand or just be verbally direct. Don’t be afraid to be direct by saying things like, “A little more rougher/gentle,” and follow up with, “Up/down a little bit … Faster/slower … Oh, yeah! That’s it! … More!” Praise and encouragement go a long way and your partner will come away with the thrill of knowing they did something really well. Nothing feeds the ego like the feeling of being a sex god or goddess.

When Your Partner Asks You What You Love in Bed

If you have a partner who asks what you like in bed, lucky you! Not everyone has a partner who takes pride in pleasing their sex mate. But don’t blow the opportunity by being too general with your answer (i.e. “I like oral sex.”). Be specific. If there’s a particular technique that sends you over the edge, tell your partner what it is and tell him or her how you like to have it done.

If you’re going to be with a partner for the first time, be prepared for the question. If the question doesn’t come up, don’t hesitate to offer the answer. You are entitled to great sex. It’s not a selfish thing to get what you want.

What if You Don’t Know What You Love in Bed

This situation is very common for people who are getting back into the dating and mating scene and had been with a lackluster lover or a lover with a limited repertoire. Trying new things is fun, especially if they work out right. If trying something new isn’t cutting it, just move onto something else and don’t dwell on it. Not every technique or position out there is going to work or be a super-wow situation for everyone.

What if Your Partner Absolutely Refuses to Do Something You Love in Bed

There will always be times and people that refuse to do or try something you love in bed. Be direct in telling your partner why you a particular technique or position and get your partner to tell you why they don’t like doing something you like in bed. Sometimes people have had one bad experience with your idea, preference or suggestion. Sometimes it’s fear of doing or trying the unknown. You and your partner won’t know unless you talk about it. Depending on the feedback you get from each other, what you like might be something your partner might eventually be willing to try or think about. If what you like is an absolute no or a hard limit for your partner, it’s up for you to decide if this is something you can live without or if it’s a better to move on to a partner whose sexual interests are more in line with yours.

Getting what you love in bed isn’t selfish or unreasonable. It’s a rightful entitlement and ultimately makes sex more enjoyable for both you and your partner

Feminist Sexpert Interview: Ms. Naughty

Award Winning Erotic Filmmaker: Ms. Naughty

A pioneer and top creator in the field of feminist pornography, Ms. Naughty is a winner of multiple Feminist Porn Awards and was named an Indie Porn Icon in 2017. This amazing lady is also, as I can attest, a fantastic promoter and supporter of other female creators in the business. Long renowned as a writer, critic and webmistress in the feminist adult industry, she is now the owner and director at the amazing Bright Desire films–a revolutionary indie/couples studio poised to celebrate a decade in the business.

The Feminist Sexpert is proud to profile a premiere Feminist Pornographer: Ms. Naughty!

 

Feminist Sexpert: First I would like to say, Bravo! I loved my visit to Bright Desire and loved all of the clips, with Tease and Linger ranking among my favorites. As with other films of yours that I’ve seen, the clips were sensual, poetic and not at all vulgar. I felt naughty but not dirty after watching. Is this the formula that you strive to achieve with every scene?


Ms. Naughty: I’ve always wanted to portray sex in a positive way. I find that a lot of porn has a really negative vibe to it. When you watch it, you’re left feeling uneasy or maybe “mentally turned off”. So I’ve made an effort to avoid that. I want to show people sharing intimacy, interacting in positive, joyful ways. In my films people don’t “do” sex to each other in a competitive or negative way, they *have* sex together. It’s about a shared experience. Even in situations with power play, there’s respect for everyone. Nobody has to be the loser in my films. I’m big on showing consent and communication before and during sex.

And it’s really important to show a less serious side – the laughter, the mistakes, the less-than-glamourous moments. Because that’s what sex is like. It’s supposed to be fun.

Tease, a Bright Desire film

Feminist Sexpert: You’ve worn so many hats in the adult industry–reviewer, webmistress, writer, filmmaker. What first drew you to the industry, and what inspired you to make your own adult films?

Ms. Naughty: I was originally writing articles for an Australian women’s porn magazine and found my way into the online industry in 2000. I’ve always been interested in sex from a feminist perspective and this has informed everything I’ve done over the last 21 years. I always wanted to show female pleasure and show a woman’s perspective of sexuality. This was almost non-existent when I started out. Over the years I’ve expanded my philosophy and learned from others which is why I’ve included a more diverse range of perspectives and people in my porn. But as a straight cis woman I’ve always been keen on making a space online for women like me. We’re still ignored or misunderstood by the industry.

When I started out, I was working with photos and erotic fiction. I started making my own films in 2009 because the internet had moved into video and it was time to move with it. Being in Australia meant it was a lot harder to get started in this area, otherwise I would have done it sooner. It was a steep learning curve for me. I took a weekend filmmaking course, got some tips from a friend in the industry and just went from there. I was very much making it up as I went along. It’s only ever been me and my husband doing the work. We’re very low-budget, very DIY. I’m pretty proud to have won so many awards, given that we’re not a major production company.

Linger, a Bright Desire film

Feminist Sexpert: I recently shared my column with you about the need for more beefcake porn for women–and in your films, you cast gorgeous, sensitive actors like Ryan James and Parker Marx. What criteria do you look for in your male stars, and do you strive to spotlight or highlight the male form in your scenes?

Ms. Naughty: It’s always tricky casting male performers because of the “penis problem”. You usually need guys who are able to be erect and comfortable in a room with other people and cameras. It’s not easy – and kudos to every guy who does it. Not every scene I’ve done has required it, of course, but it is something you have to be aware of. Beyond that, I like to work with male performers who are in tune with my feminist philosophy. I want to know they’re on board with what we’re doing. I’ve received thousands of emails from men who are just keen to turn up and fuck. But I need male performers who are more enlightened and open to ideas. It also helps if they can act… but there’s ways of setting up scenes where that’s not vital.

I’ve shot a lot of real-life couples and usually I make sure the female partner is totally on board and comfortable with the shoot before I go ahead. She calls the shots. So in those cases, I’m not choosing the male partner according to how they look. It’s all about the couple and their needs.

In terms of shooting, I like to give equal camera time to the male and female form. Too often porn will cut the guy’s head out of the frame and focus only on the woman. I won’t do that. I want to show the audience what he’s feeling as well. And when I’ve shot films that do focus on the male form, I take a holistic approach. It’s not just about his cock. It’s about his face, his muscles, the tiny movements of his toes, everything. I’ve shot male solo masturbation films with voiceovers because I want to both admire their body and also get an idea of who they are, even as we’re watching a very intimate moment.


Trinity, a Bright Desire film


Feminist Sexpert: From my interactions with you over the years, you are always one of the most approachable and helpful adult industry professionals, particularly in support of other women. And if anything, I would like to see more networking and support among female content creators and performers. What are your thoughts?

Ms. Naughty: When I started out in 2000 there was a group of female webmasters who were very supportive of newcomers and we all promoted each others’ sites. I was so very grateful for that and I’ve tried to pay it forward. I’ve always felt that we’re better off supporting each other, even though we may be commercially competing. The industry is still male dominated and still caters to men so it’s useful for women, nb and queer producers and performers to network and communicate. We can collectively make a bigger space for ourselves by helping each other out. And also, our perspectives are all different, we all have something new or interesting to offer. The more choices women producers and performers offer, the better it serves the audience.


Spider Woman, a Bright Desire Film


Feminist Sexpert: Bright Desire will celebrate its 10th anniversary next year. What does the future hold for this amazing studio?

Ms. Naughty: Covid has put a dampener on production for a lot of the adult industry and we haven’t been able to make new films for a while. I’m hoping to change that in the future, once we can reliably travel (although the vaccine rollout here in Australia is a disaster so who knows when that will be). In the meantime I’ve been featuring the work of other producers whose films fit with the vibe of Bright Desire. I’m also looking at taking amateur couples self-filmed submissions sometime in 2021. Everyone has an amazing camera in their pocket now and this means we can see many more perspectives and ideas and sexualities.

PS: Links are NSFW!


Tantric Gspot Pleasure & Female Ejaculation

The Goddess Spot

“The illusive G-spot is definitely not a myth but a treasure, which when explored can result in a deeper, longer orgasm.”–Dr. Ava Cadell

The G-spot has many fun phrases associated with it; great-spot, glory-spot, go-ahead spot-but I like to call it the Goddess spot. It is located inside the woman’s vagina about a third of the way, in between the vaginal/Yoni opening and the cervix. The G-spot has a ridged texture to it and responds to gentle stroking. In many women, once properly stimulated, it can provide a very powerful orgasm. It also may produce an ejaculation (an expulsion of milky looking fluid) which they refer to as Amrita or ‘divine nectar’ in Tantric terms.

The individual differences and responses to G-spot stimulation are so varied that women should not feel pressured into finding their G-spot. However, if you decide to embark on this quest, consider it a treasure hunt. You may or may not find the treasure you expected, but the hunt can be a great source of adventure and personal knowledge. Many women have reported that they have difficulty locating and stimulating the G-spot by themselves, but they have no difficulty identifying the erotic sensation when a partner stimulates the spot.

Exploring the G-Spot

Gynecologist Ernest Grafenberg, who published research results about sexual pleasure being derived from the urethra, first identified the G-spot area. Dr. Beverly Whipple did further research on G-spot orgasms. The results are available in her book The G-spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality by Dell Publishers. She indicates the G-spot area swells when stimulated and may lead to orgasm. Some women claim that the G-spot can be a longer, deeper, more powerful orgasm than a Pearl/clitoral orgasm.

For most women, stimulation of the 8000 nerve fibers of the Pearl/clitoris, especially by a talented tongue, results in orgasm. Then there are those who swear the G-spot orgasm is the ultimate orgasm.

The illusive G-spot is definitely not a myth but a treasure, which when explored can result in a deeper, longer orgasm. Some women are even capable of ejaculating from it.

Stimulating your Lover’s G-Spot

1. Have your lover empty her bladder before you start in order to lessen the possible feeling of needing to urinate.

2. Both of you should get into comfortable position; preferably with the woman on her
back with her pelvis raised by a pillow.

3. Put your thumb on her pubic mound or Pearl/clitoris and insert the middle or forefinger
of your hand, palm up, in a “come hither” motion inside the vagina.

4. Push gently in the outer third of the Yoni’s top region, between the opening and the cervix. When you touch a small, ridged patch area, the woman may feel sensitive as if she needs to urinate.

5. If her bladder is empty, the sensitive feeling will pass and be replaced with intense, pleasurable feelings.

6. For more pressure, use any combination of the other fingers.

7. Use long, linear strokes creating an energetic circuit between your thumb and your finger.

8. Picture a clock-face on the inside of her Yoni, and stroke with your finger from 6 o’clock to 12 o’clock.

9. Alternatively, imagine your fingers are a “windshield wiper,” and stimulate the G-spot moving your fingers from side to side.

10. Now, put your thumb above the pubic bone (with your fingers inside the Yoni) to stimulate the G-spot from inside and outside simultaneously.

11. Tap the G-spot area with your finger/s towards her navel in pulsating motions.

12. Ask her to make a mental note which movements pleasure her most.

The G-spot can also be reached using a specially designed vibrator or by making love in certain sacred sexual positions.

G-Spot Sacred Sexual Union

Don’t make love in the same position, in the same place, at the same time. Be daring; spontaneous!

Your partner will love you for it!

1. In the Missionary position, the woman can rest her feet on her lover’s shoulders. This allows for maximum stimulation of the back wall of the Yoni and thus potential stimulation of the G-spot.

2. The alternative to the ‘Woman On Top’ position is for the woman to face away from her partner. This way, the whole of the Yoni is stimulated, and the woman herself can decide where she wants to receive maximum stimulation.

3. The rear entry alternative is for the man to lay his whole body along the woman’s. In this position, the entire Yoni is stimulated, but attention is concentrated on the upper part of the front wall, which means there is relatively good stimulation of the G-spot.

4. An alternative to the standing position is for you and your partner to face one another with the woman lying back. In this position, the front wall of the Yoni is stimulated, and good contact with the G-spot is made.

The Venus Butterfly

The Venus Butterfly is an ancient lovemaking technique first practiced in India 3000 years ago. It allows the male to bring his lover to a high peak of ecstasy by simultaneously stimulating two centers of pleasure at the same time.

Directions on How to Perform the Venus Butterfly

1. Pull back your lover’s clitoral hood.

2. Stimulate the Pearl/clitoris with short and long strokes using your tongue, fingers or vibrator until the woman reaches a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being the point of no return; orgasm.

3. Move away from the Pearl/clitoris and stimulate the entire outside of the Yoni in circular motions with your tongue, finger or vibrator, allowing her arousal level to lower by a couple of points.

4. Return to Pearl stimulation as above using short and long strokes until the woman reaches a 9 on the pleasure scale.

5. Slip your finger/s, palm up, inside the Yoni and tap on the G-spot towards the navel.

6. Continue to stroke the Pearl/clitoris while tapping the G-spot with your finger/s or use a G-spot vibrator.

7. Combining clitoral and G-spot stimulation may result in multiple orgasms.

8. Practice the Venus Butterfly technique and exchange feedback.

Dr. Ava’s TriGasm

How do You Achieve a Trigasm? I have been teaching the combination of simultaneous G-spot and Pearl/clitoral stimulation for several years. Couples loved it. Women got some serious attention–learning how to climax internally and externally at the same time, and men felt like they were heroes. So, here’s the revolution, the ultimate technique in orgasmic potential for women: The TriGasm.

A TriGasm is the result of arousing the 3 points of pleasure, the Pearl/clitoris, G-spot and Rosebud/anus simultaneously. Many people are experienced with various forms of dual stimulation–a Lingam and a toy, a tongue and a finger, and other combinations.

Here are some tips for you as you go off on your Trigasm exploration. Begin setting the mood and prepare to stimulate all five senses. Be creative using sensual sound, visual arousal, and feeling your lovers heat. You should also have some lubricant nearby, especially for G-spot and anal play. The final tip tell your lover to take up juggling, because it’s going to take some coordination to master this technique, but it’s well worth the effort and mighty fun while learning!

Here is the ideal way to create 3 points of stimulation with a lover.

1. The woman should lie back while her lover lavishes her Pearl with oral pleasure until she
has reached a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10. (10 equals orgasm.)

2. Change course and stimulate her vulva in small circles with the tongue or fingers for 2 minutes.

3. Return to the Pearl and orally increase her level of pleasure to a 9; almost to the point of no return.

4. At this peak, he should insert his forefinger palm up into her Yoni and find her G-spot, then tap, tap, tap it gently towards her navel.

5. Simultaneously with step four, he must stimulate her Rosebud/anus gently with a
feather, his pinky or a vibrator to bring his lover to a mind-blowing, earth shattering, energy-melting multiple orgasm.

Her Tantric Pleasure: Female Ejaculation

Female ejaculation has been documented in ancient Asia for many thousands of years. Here in the Western world scientists are finally accepting it as a reality and women of all ages are enjoying the experience of ejaculating during orgasm. I believe that every woman can ejaculate if she is stimulated correctly and if she knows how to control her PC muscles.

It’s estimated that less than 10% of women ejaculate, or at least admit to it. In Tantra, female ejaculation is called, Amrita, which means Nectar of the Gods. Some women who experience ejaculation admit that the feeling is like an intense orgasmic release; much stronger and longer than a clitoral orgasm. Female ejaculation can be attained with stimulation of the G-spot, the spongy area located inside the Yoni about two inches on the upper wall towards the navel.

Always empty your bladder first so that the ejaculation doesn’t have any urine in it. The ejaculate fluid is protein based (much like semen) but it’s thinner and of course it doesn’t have any sperm. In summary, female ejaculation is a normal natural occurrence, so why not try it? You might like it!

Female Oral Delights

A woman is more sensitive so begin with less pressure than you would like, as a man.

1. Kiss and lick the inside of her thighs to create sexual anticipation.

2. Explore the entire vulva (outside of the Yoni) with circular tongue motions.

3. Suck on her labia (Yoni lips) gently.

4. Lavish her Yoni with your tongue in long lapping motions from her Yoni opening to her Pearl/clitoris.

5. Use a pointy tongue all around the Pearl/clitoris but not directly on it.

6. Write numbers on her entire vulva area with your tongue, then the alphabet.

7. Slip one or two fingers inside her Yoni as you gently lick her Pearl.

8. Use a stiff tongue to lick her Pearl from side to side.

9. Make humming sounds with your lips so they vibrate as you kiss the Pearl/clitoris.

10. Stroke her perenium (between the Rosebud/anus and Yoni opening) while sucking gently on her Pearl/clitoris.

11. Never rub or insert anything sugary in a woman’s Yoni because it can cause infection.

12. Draw her closer by lifting her buttocks and kissing her Yoni just as you would her mouth.

13. Alternate pressure with your tongue as you lick long and short strokes from the Rosebud to the Pearl.

14. Insert a fingertip into her Rosebud/anus as you lick her Pearl.

15. Gently pull her labia majora apart (outside lips) and lick the labia minora (inside lips) with the tip of your tongue.

16. Nuzzle your face in her mound and brush your lips and nose over her Pearl.

17. Insert your tongue into her Yoni opening with quick pointy motions.

18. Flick your tongue over Pearl alternating from up and down and side to side.

19. When she is on the verge of orgasm, make your lips into an O and take her Pearl in your mouth sucking gently.

20. Insert one or two fingers and discover her G-spot while licking her Pearl.

21. Lick her entire vulva like an ice cream cone with lapping motions.

22. Use your tongue like a snake sliding and twisting it inside her slowly, then fast.

23. Suck on some ice before licking her Yoni for a cool sensation.

24. Drink some hot liquid and then suck and twirl your hot tongue over her.

25. Don’t change the rhythm of your motion when she is climaxing.

26. Don’t stop immediately after she has climaxed. Keep going until she stops you, then cup your hands over her Yoni with fingers facing the navel.

27. Ask her how and where she wants you to lick, kiss and suck her. Tell her to direct you.

28. Orally delight her Yoni while she is lying on her stomach.

29. Orally delight her Yoni while she is in the tigress position from the rear.

30. Tell her that you love honoring her Yoni orally because she tastes and smells delicious.

Remember that practice… practice… practice makes perfect!

+++

Excerpt from Dr. Ava’s Tantra Workbook