The Great Public Pubic Debate

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April 21, 2021

There’s hardly a porn or erotic photo or video that gets posted on the ’Net of a woman that isn’t completely free of pubic hair. Sure, there are a few women that keep their bush very neatly trimmed or sport a decorative strip of hair. Going totally natural is almost unseen these days.

Lately, there’s been a big debate over the “pressure” for women to go bald … and it’s getting louder.

Personally, I don’t feel pressured. I completely shave from time to time, but my pubic hair is so coarse that I get a 5 o’clock shadow (and the stubble) by 9:05 a.m., so I keep the hair on my lips trimmed neat and short and completely shave the rest. As much as I love the velvety softness of my labia right after I shave, I’m really self-conscious about my partner’s soft lips brushing up against the Brillo pad of my lower lips. On the other hand, I don’t want him getting a mouthful of hair … or having it poking out of my bathing suit or a pair of pretty panties.

Waxing? No thanks. I’m not a masochist, and I really don’t like the idea of a salon pro handling my lady parts.

Laser hair removal? I just don’t have that kind of cash.

Sorry if that’s a really drawn-out way of explaining my personal preference. There are just so many reasons behind it.

But that’s what it is — a preference – and one that belongs to each individual woman.

What I find most odd is that the pressure to go totally bare often comes from men, many of whom would never think of taking a razor to their family jewels or think going pubeless doesn’t look manly. My opinion: what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. We ladies don’t like getting the short curlies stuck in our teeth any more than you. At least take out a pair of manicure scissors every once in a while if you’re going to get vociferous about a preference mandate.

While lots of women are spending hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, on spa and medical hair removal, I’ve been seeing more and more articles pop up about women who are letting the ‘fro below grow. Even polished beauties like Gwyneth Paltrow and Ellen DeGeneres say they favor a bush gone wild.

This big backlash really burst a few years back around a survey conducted and released by the UK pharmacy chain Medix. The survey revealed that 51% of women don’t style or groom the hair in their nether regions, 45% can no longer be bothered to keep up the grooming, and 62% of them said their mate prefers the natural look.

Is it all for practical reasons? Perhaps. I know I already spend more time than I’d like every morning just on styling my hair and putting on makeup in addition to my shower and hygiene routine. Some of it is from feminine backlash that comes from the likes of Caitlin Moran and her book, How To Be A Woman. She claims that a lot of the pressure to shave down there comes from a society that watches too much porn.

I’ve also been hearing a lot of pro-pube advocacy from the medical community which says that pubic hair provides a cushion against friction and abrasions from a partner’s pubic hair. There are theories that suggest that pubic hair exists to keep genitals warm and to trap and release pheromones, those sexy scents that attract lovers and heighten arousal. Plus, doctors and nurses say that pubic hair removal makes the skin susceptible to rashes, irritation and infections, especially antibiotic-resistant strep and staph infections and STIs. A warm, moist environment and sexual contact are breeding grounds for bacteria that make their way into cuts and open pores.

Perhaps the next sexual fashion trend is to go commando?

My take on the great pube debate is that we’re in a transitional waxing and waning period of what we consider to be sexually attractive. It’s been depicted in art and documented in history throughout the ages. Female pubic hair was depicted as painted triangles in Egyptian art. In medieval and classical European art, pubic hair was rarely shown. It’s been reported that European prostitutes shaved the cooch as proof that they weren’t harboring a crab farm or other questionable diseases and infections. Francisco Goya’s La maja desnuda (The Naked Maja) painted sometime between 1797 and 1800 is the European painting to show female pubic hair.

Cultures and religions have had their say in pubic standards. Pubic hair in the Middle East and Eastern Europe has been considered unclean for centuries. The Islamic prophet Mohammed is reported to have said that removing body hair is an act of fitrah, to be in a pure state. (The same goes for Islamic beliefs to practice circumcision.)

I remember my mother’s awkwardness when she gave me a can of Barbasol and my first Daisy razor when I hit puberty in the mid-70’s. She told me that I should shave my legs and armpits but didn’t show me how. She only told me that it was something that proper well-groomed ladies ladies did.

Of course my mother never mentioned anything about pubes. That dark growth sprouting between my legs absolutely horrified me. I couldn’t ask my her about it. She was already shamefully embarrassed to tell me that I had to shave my pits and legs. I had no idea of what was “normal” for years. Porn and erotic art just weren’t accessible and available in my world. It wasn’t until 1981 when a guy I was dating tried (and failed) to get it on with me by showing me my first stag film. In a herky jerky circa 1967 8 mm black and white short of a lame boss and secretary role play, I saw that the woman in the film had a thick dark bush much like mine. I felt relieved.

In the late ‘80’s and early ‘90’s the proliferation of porn on VHS tapes accelerated the demand for newer and edgier. Landing strips and shaved pussies were among first trends. As porn became more accessible online in the past decade, young women and teens wanted to rock the porn star look. In doing my research for this post, I came across a message board in which teens were asking at which age they started shaving their pubes. Some of them said it was as early as 12.

Ask any woman over 45 these days whether they go hair or bare. The numbers are in favor of keeping the hair. Is it because it’s harder to teach an older doggie a new style or does age bring wisdom?

Regardless of whether you go sans hair or full blow bush (and everything in between) your pubic hair style should be your choice.

Love your vulva and Mound of Venus! <3

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Featured Image by Image by Mario Battaglia from Pixabay

This article was previously published at:

http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/the-great-public-pubic-debate/

Beefcake Porn for Women: The Final Frontier for Feminist Porn

By

Megan Hussey

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March 30, 2021

A few months ago, I was watching an old episode of The Phil Donahue Show that centered around the subject of adult entertainment. The show’s featured guests included the amazing screen goddesses Hyapatia Lee and Nina Hartley–both of whom spoke with grace and articulance about the emerging role of women as directors, writers and empowered actresses in XXX. One of the films discussed was Hartley’s comedy Debbie Does Dishes.

At one point in the show, a minor but audible commotion arose in the back of the studio as two female audience members rose to their feet.

“Why can’t it ever be Dave Does Dishes?” one woman asked. “Men are there in the movies, but they’re not highlighted.”

“Where are the men sex stars?” another demanded.

More than 30 years later, I as an erotica author, content creator and Feminist Sexpert have a definitive answer for these ladies.

“Your guess is as blasted good as mine.”

For while women have come so far in the adult industry, not only appearing in but writing and directing top quality couples features, I still believe that there remains a single unconquered territory in the vast world of femme porn: Beefcake porn for women.

If you visit the amazing website Hot Movies for Her, you will find many woman-positive movies. What you won’t find is a single DVD cover that features a pouty, barechested, smoky-eyed hunk ready to seduce his prospective female audience.

“But MEG!” You might be sighing at this point. “Women are different. They’re not as visual.”

Ah, but what do you find on the covers of romance novels geared toward women–including my own? That’s right! A pouty, barechested, smoky-eyed hunk ready to seduce his prospective female audience.

In addition, male revues for women–including Chippendales, La Bare, Hollywood Men, Thunder Down Under, etc.–draw packed to capacity crowds.

Yet in the realm of adult films, hardcore movies that feature male stars and male solo covers are overwhelmingly directed toward a gay male audience. And believe me, women notice.

As the onetime administrator of Fempower, a feminist porn blog, I proudly ran lists of winners for the Feminist Porn Awards each year. I also fielded responses from women asking why so many of the winners were lesbian titles, or straight films that still showcased the visual appeal of their female stars.

“If these films are made for women,” one reader wrote. “Why are we still looking at naked women?”

Of course these films deserve recognition; and, after all, it’s tough to honor films that pretty much don’t exist.

Or do they? Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as beefcake porn for women–it’s just that the titles are few and far between.

If anything, the softcore sphere has done a much better job of serving up beefcake for female viewers. The early 1990s brought us softcore classics like Cabin Fever, an older woman/younger man romance directed by Deborah Shames and starring Judd Dunning and Belinda Farrell. And of particular note is The Love Scenes series, a sumptuous set of four films that featured Playgirl models, male exotic dancers and beefcake models in extended softcore love scenes (hence the title) with women. The scenarios are an exercise in the concept, “Turnabout Is Fore Play,” depicting female photographers with male models, male strippers performing for a female audience of one, actors “auditioning” for female directors, etc.

Even mainstream features like American Gigolo and Thief of Hearts offered stories and visuals that aimed to satisfy female viewers.

Back in the hardcore realm, 1995’s The Fuckingdales On Tour starred gorgeous Australian adult star Gerry Pike (himself an ex-stripper) and chronicled the erotic adventures of a male revue as they entertained female groupies, in more ways than one. In 1987, the top male porn stars of the era made up the cast of The Touchables, about a male bordello for women. In 1986, Club Exotica claimed a male exotic dance club as its setting.

In the early 2000s, the adult industry seemed to be headed in the right direction, thanks to Playgirl and Inpulse studios. (Full disclosure: I worked for Playgirl and wrote the back cover copy for their Erotic Encounters and Private Pleasures DVDs–go, me!) Both studios flipped the script in brilliant fashion, showcasing its male talent on its covers and releasing showcase titles featuring major porn studs (Jean Val Jean and Niko for Playgirl, Julian and Evan Stone for Inpulse). And Playgirl titles were directed exclusively by women, including my friend and mentor Kelly Holland.

Adam and Eve released a gem in 2000 with Hardbound, in which Hartley starred with the gorgeous Dale Dabone in an adult romantic comedy advertised in Playgirl with the use of Dabone’s picture. In 2003, Candida Royalle’s Stud Hunters centered around a female director’s search for the perfect porn stud.

An interesting case is presented in the form of 2002’s For Women Only, part one. Directed by Cameron Rose, this is a sexy and romantic vignette film that explores women’s fantasies. It’s an excellent erotic film in itself, but also calls attention to the issue at hand in the form of its DVD cover–which features a buncha naked women.

“Many of us female viewers have long wondered why the front covers rarely include photographs of men, or at the very least, photographs of partners which display the men as prominently as the women,” wrote reviewer YogaGrrl in her review for the film at Adult DVD Talk (1). Still she said the film pleased her inner goddess–and that goes ditto for me.

The fab Anna Span brought us Be My Boy Toy in 2010. In 2011, the amazing feminist adult filmmaker Petra Joy gave us The Female Voyeur, all about men performing to the satisfaction of women. In 2014, the awesome Ms. Naughty’s The Fantasy Project brought us a Clothed Female Naked Male cover and a rich, hot exploration of female fantasies. Erika Lust has made several contributions to this favored porn genre of mine.

And from the early to mid 2000s, director/actress Tina Tyler gave us a hand with The Handyman series, which featured hot male solo scenes for women. Then in 2015, Wicked released a hardcore parody of Magic Mike XXL, Magic Mike XXXL (see what they did there, Folks?). Lately, though, it seems to me that even films directed at women seem to boast females in lingerie on the DVD covers–and often in ropes or ties, which I have a lot to say about, as well. But that’s another blog.

For now, I say that the feminist porn oeuvre is not complete without some steamy hot servings of beefcake. What do you say, Ladies?

Also, a memo to the adult industry: Dave Does Dishes. Make it happen!

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https://www.adultdvdtalk.com/review/for-women-only-1-girls-on-guys

Love Economics: 12 Steps to Recovering After a Break Up

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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June 21, 2021

pexels-fernando-cabral-3554374 — Photo by Fernando Cabral from Pexels

What Is Love Economics?

Love Economics is a new terminology for analyzing the benefits of love and relationships. For example, the benefits of a relationship include emotional, physical, social, and materialistic needs. Using the theory of Love Economics, dating and relationship problems can be analyzed and solved by using a more pragmatic approach. The advantage is that decisions will be based more on logic rather than on emotion.

Before committing to a new relationship, a Love Economist will make it perfectly clear that he/she won’t neglect their social portfolio of personal friends. This decision could save a lot of embarrassment should they break up with their love interest.

A Love Economics major will limit their emotional cost at all times to protect their own expenditure. This philosophy doesn’t work for everyone, especially when going through something as dramatic as a breakup. Whether you are breaking up from a relationship or going through a divorce it’s inevitable that you will feel emotional pain. No amount of Love Economics or pragmatism is going to protect you from experiencing the lows that only humans can relate to. After all, experiencing love can make you feel the most jubilant and satisfying emotions while losing love can make you feel the most devastating feelings of sadness and pain.

12 Steps to Recovering After a Break Up

The following 12 steps are the most effective way to handle, heal, recover, and raise your self-esteem so that you can move on with your life in a positive and productive manner after a breakup.

First write down how it would make you feel to never see that person again.
Then make two columns and write down the pros and cons of your relationship. See which list is the longest.
If the relationship has been a long one, a mostly good one, and you care about the other person’s feelings, begin to taper the amount of time you spend with each other.
Connect or reconnect with people who make you feel good when you are with them.
Take up activities that will take your mind off your declining relationship and increase your self-worth and confidence.
Learn valuable lessons from your past experiences. Write down what you have you learned about yourself and what you would do differently? This is important because you don’t want to repeat negative patterns. Relationships end when they are supposed to. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.
Do not mourn your break-up, blame or punish yourself. Do not drive your family and friends crazy by constantly talking about your woes. Instead, recognize and list all the wonderful qualities that you have to offer someone; acknowledge all your accomplishments, big and small.
Take a gratitude moment every day for all the good things in your life and thank the Universe for all that you have.
The best revenge is “happiness” so make a commitment to do at least three things that make you happy every day.
Imagine that you are “Ten Times Bolder” than you were before; take fun risks and don’t miss out on opportunities. Have no regrets.
Celebrate the beginning of a new phase in your life with a positive attitude and buy yourself a gift or go out to dinner with friends to signify a celebration. Reward yourself! You are valuable and if you treat yourself as a valuable person, so will others.
Don’t shut love out by saying “It’s impossible to find.” Open up your heart to new possibilities. The quickest way to receive love is to give it.

These Techniques Will Teach You How to:

Attract potential soul mates.
Conquer your fears of rejection.
Enhance self-worth.
Take control of your own needs by focusing on your inner power.
Find and maintain everlasting love.

Chemical Cocktails of Romance: This is Your Brain on Sex

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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October 21, 2021

pexels-cottonbro-8879121 — Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

The brain is tangible, the mind is not, and as Raphael Cushnir, author of The One Thing Holding You Back: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection defines it, “an emotion is a message from your mind delivered to your body as a physical sensation.”

The brain, mind and emotion are all interconnected. The brain is the delivery system by which messages are sent to the body, the mind processes these messages and applies appropriate emotions, and then that coded message is sent to the physical body for expression. Basically, the brain is the match, the mind is the spark, and the emotion is the flame.

While some of this happens consciously, a majority of this process takes place below the surface with the help of some highly potent chemicals.

Chemical Cocktails of Romance

“A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.”– Thomas Carlyle

Attraction works very much like a powerful cocktail. The process of getting ‘“turned on” through the feelings of attraction and desire is powered by various chemicals and hormones that complete an intricate recipe within your body.

If your brain is the bartender and your body the glass, these various elements are the special ingredients in the cocktail of life. While vodka can be fine on its own, you need to bring in the added elements of peach schnapps, cranberry juice and orange juice in order to sip a little “Sex On The Beach.” The brain works much the same way. You may have one basic thought (“that girl is pretty”), and then suddenly with a splash of this chemical and twist of that hormone, you’re giddy with desire!

Oxytocin is like the strawberry in the strawberry daiquiri. It is released by the pituitary gland and has been linked to the formation of close social bonds because it decreases stress levels and increases trust.

Vasopressin is like the tonic in the gin. It is a calming chemical secreted by the hypothalamus that fuels long-term relationship bonding.

Androgens are the Tabasco in the Bloody Mary. Testosterone is the primary sex hormone from a group called “Androgens.” Produced mostly by male testicles, it can also be created in smaller amounts by the female ovaries. While most men produce 6 to 8 mg of testosterone a day, most women produce only 0.5 mg. Low levels of testosterone have been linked to decreased sexual desire as well as causing some men to have difficulty maintaining an erection, while high levels may increase sexual lust in both sexes. In fact, women in their reproductive years have seen their testosterone levels spike in
the middle of their menstrual cycle, which helps explain why many women have reported an increased sexual appetite when they are most fertile.

Estrogens are like the cranberry juice in a Cosmopolitan. These are the sex hormones produced primarily by a female’s ovaries that play a large role in the female body by stimulating the growth of sex organs, breasts and pubic hair, while also regulating the menstrual cycle. The brain of both sexes also produces estrogen, though what part this
plays in male sexuality hasn’t yet been established. It is believed by many researchers that it plays an important role in sexual appetite.

Nitric Oxide is the olive juice in the dirty martini. This chemical is released by the genitals during arousal. It increases blood flood to the sex organs, especially the penis.

Pheromones are the lime juice on the glass rim of a margarita. These scented hormones are found primarily in the odor-producing apocrine glands of the armpits and other areas of the body that have hair follicles. Linked to sexual attraction, research has indicated that we may select our partners by using a set of subtle smell cues, since no two people have the same odor print, with the exception of identical twins. However there is much research in progress about the exact way these hormones work, so the jury is still out.

Neurotransmitters are like the various fruits in sangria. Epinephrine, norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, and phenylethylamine (PEA) are the ‘BrainGasm’ neurotransmitters that stimulate motivation and drive. After playing a minor role in the initial phase of love, it is really in the second stage (“Adventure”) that they take the spotlight and work to help the brain feel balanced. Epinephrine and norepinephrine are responsible for the feelings of an “adrenaline rush”, with high levels associated with anxiety and low levels with depression.

A Lyon Among Feminist Adult Filmmakers: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Jennifer Lyon Bell

By

Megan Hussey

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July 31, 2021

https://blueartichokefilms.com/ — blueartichokefilms.com

Jennifer Lyon Bell is most literally a first among equals in the world of feminist erotica; one of the first and best to capture female fantasies on film–and to great cinematic effect, as every film released through her signature production company Blue Artichoke Films is a work of sensual art.

The Feminist Sexpert is proud to interview a feminist sex industry pioneer: Ms. Jennifer Lyon Bell.

1. For the past decade, you’ve been bringing us beautiful feminist porn films, featuring tenderness, arty visuals and compelling storylines. Tell us about your newest release, Wild Card!

Wild Card is the second in a series of “erotic game films” I’ve been making. It’s really fun. The first one, Adorn, was such a nice surprise that I wanted to make a new one with a new cast and a new game. So, in Wild Card, Bishop Black and Kali Sudhra come together in a room that has cards hidden all over it. Each card has a not-typically-sexual body part listed, like elbow. Their game is to do as much as they can with or to that body part, for as long as it’s fun, and then move onto the next card. I made sure they know they had freedom to be goofy, rough, loving, erotic —whatever they felt in the moment. And they could talk and communicate as much as they liked, in whatever way they liked. What I like about these two game films is that the performers have to get really creative about foreplay and sex itself, because they can’t just launch into the typical list of activities in a certain order that we’ve been taught to expect from mainstream films and porn movies alike. I think this is a great message — sex is creative, and as long as you and your partner feel free to be honest with each other, you can craft a sexual experience together that’s maximally enjoyable for both of you. As a bonus, Kali and Bishop are friends — not partners, just good friends — outside of the film, so they have a fondness for each other that you can sense. It’s a perfect combination of comfortableness and electric-charged clumsiness, as they find their way towards getting aroused and climaxing! (Climaxing many times, in Kali’s case).

See a preview of one of her films (Second Date VR):

2. What first inspired you to make erotic films from a woman’s point of view?

I liked porn when I first saw it, but I wished that it was a better fit for my own sexuality. As a cisgender woman myself, I felt that porn was missing some of the activities that my friends and I most enjoyed in real life, like fingering. I wanted to integrate those back in. And, although I personally like looking at people in all different gender combinations, I really missed seeing the face and body of men in mainstream porn. I think that’s why so many women watch gay porn, to really enjoy the faces and bodies of men. So I wanted to bring that back into movies as well. I expected that it was mainly women who would enjoy the films I was making. To my surprise, it became immediately clear that just as many men liked it too. They even wrote me letters about it. I’m glad that so many different kinds of viewers share my view on what’s sexy.

3. What do you feel that are the ingredients or elements of a good feminist porn film?

I think a feminist porn film involves the vision, the production practices, and the message.

Vision: the film reflects the erotic vision of a woman —or somebody who’s in a sexual minority not usually represented in mainstream porn, like trans folx

2) Production practices: the director creates on-set labor practices that are fair for cast and crew, especially including women and sexual minorities. Fair pay, time for breaks, good food, safer sex materials.

3) Message: The overall message of the film contributes positively to sexual culture. Maybe it shows gender relationships in a healthier way, or lends visibility to sexual practices we don’t often see on film, or even brings attention to an underrepresented fantasy.

4. You explored Virtual Reality in your release, Second Date. What special challenges did this present?

I loved shooting Second Date! Shooting VR, particularly 360° VR, is wholly different than shooting regular cinema. For one, the cinematic language is different. You can’t cut back-and-forth between characters, or it would make the audience disoriented and nauseated! You have to embrace that the viewer can choose to look anywhere they want. You can guide their choices, but you can’t force them. And the physical shooting situation is so different. For 360° video, you plan and light the whole set, and direct the performers, and then when shooting starts, the entire crew has to physically leave the set. You have to trust the performers intensely. Luckily for me, that’s already the way I shoot. We do a lot of advance preparation and then I very much trust the performers to do what they feel is right in the moment. VR came naturally for me. What I liked about applying virtual reality to erotic moments is that the movie gets a very real-time feel. Second date is actually a real second date between the two performers, and you can see how the real intimacy builds slowly between them, as if you were literally standing right next to them. It’s organic and intense.

5. Your films hold great crossover appeal on the indie and adult film circuits. Do you find that your work is popular with people who generally don’t enjoy porn?

Absolutely! It’s fair that there are many people who wanted to find something arousing, tried some random porn, and didn’t care for it because it didn’t meet their needs. That’s part of why I sometimes try to use alternative wording when I can, like “explicit erotic film,“ or “adult cinema,” to communicate that you might get a different experience than you would expect from a sex movie. I think the reason that I’ve been lucky to have my films run at art/indie film theaters and cinemas, as well as in more traditional porn channels, is that I’m trying to integrate emotion with sexuality, and, if possible, in a surprising way. Folks that are into art films are interested in that. There’s so much great filmmaking that we can still do that fits in between the traditional porn and traditional arthouse film genres!

That’s one reason I felt it was important to build our own Blue Artichoke Films platform. While some of my films are available on other ethical porn platforms, I wanted to create a fresh space for people who didn’t feel that it was necessarily porn. And then, at the same time, I could use the platform to open up doors for them to all kinds of sex-positive culture they might like: events like play parties and screenings nights, blog posts chatting about TV shows and sexual culture, and then of course the films themselves. It’s like an erotic community.

6. Tell me more about your public lecturing regarding film and women’s issues.

I really enjoy public speaking and I try to use my platform as a filmmaker to draw attention to issues I think are important. For one, I teach classes about erotic filmmaking to film professionals and students. They tell me that it’s very rare anyone offers them tools and suggestions for how to approach writing or directing a sex scene. No wonder there are so many sexual representations out there that are clichéd and boring! It’s gratifying to help the next generation of filmmakers with building that toolkit. I do the same when I teach my erotic filmmaking workshop, “From Fantasy To Film: Design Your Own Erotic Film.” It gives you ideas of how to dive into the emotional core of what you find personally sexy in a scene, so that you can bring it out and do it justice. In many cases, the people that take my workshop are just everyday folks who feel inspired to explore their sexuality, and the workshop becomes a space for them to get in touch with what they truly like. It’s empowering to be honest with yourself about your desires. People seem to get a lot of enjoyment and relief from these workshops.

I also do quite a bit of speaking where I show filmclips and educate folks about the wide variety of erotic ethical film that’s already out there! Most people have no idea, and I am pleased to evangelize for this genre of film.

And because feminism is the underpinning of all my filmmaking work, I’m always happy to talk about the relationship between feminism and porn, or the ways in which we as a culture could do a better job improving sexual culture by changing the way we represent sexuality in porn, mainstream movies, and advertisements.

7. What’s next for Jennifer Lyon Bell and Blue Artichoke Films?

Now that the pandemic is ending, I can’t wait to start shooting again! Fiction, experimental – the sky is the limit.

Beauty and Power: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Lily Craven

By

Megan Hussey

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January 10, 2022

One of the favorite parts of the Feminist Sexpert’s job is profiling some of the most powerful and brightest women in the adult industry; and our latest guest most certainly fills that description. Beautiful Lily Craven is bringing back the glamour of the classic adult star, and also the power and grace. The Feminist Sexpert is proud to interview actress, radio show host and content creator Lily Craven!

FS: Although diverse in concept, your scene work seems to share one common link: Your characters, ranging from the mother-in-law to the policewoman, are always very strong and in charge. Is it important to you to reflect a strong image in your films?

LC: I have not always felt strong and in control. I realized, playing a character has its advantages. I can be whoever I want to be. I admire strong, self-confident women. So that is the role I began to play. Over time, I have grown into my character and become more like her. I’m not the woman I was when I started, that’s for sure. There is truth is the saying, “fake it until you make it.” I am an example that proves it really works.

In the industry, it was important for me to portray a strong, assertive woman on film. I felt a though it would be a barrier off sorts. I wanted it to tell others, don’t mess with me. It was my attempt at protecting myself.

FS: More and more in porn, we’re seeing beautiful women of all ages. How important is it to promote the MILF image in adult?

LC: It is especially important to keep the MILF image going strong because that’s what the fans and followers want. Let’s admit it. Everybody loves a MILF! I believe the MILF image symbolizes a woman’s accomplishments once they hit the stage in their lives when the children are grown, and the focus is no longer on the household.

The MILF begins exploring herself, including her sexuality. Quite often, a MILF has suppressed her sexuality to conform to society’s “mother” mold… I think promoting the MILF category is honoring that woman for her accomplishments and allowing her the freedom to be sexy and free spirited.

FS: As we discussed on your fab radio show, Phone Sex with Lily, you and I both had something to prove when we came into the industry. Please tell my readers the story of your introduction into the business!

LC: My story into the industry begins with a cheating spouse. When I was married, I felt as though I was the happiest, I had ever been in my life until I discovered it was all fake. Little did I know, the husband I adored, had been carrying on numerous affairs. When I discovered the infidelity, I was devastated. That devastation soon turned into anger. And then came the overwhelming urge to get revenge. I wanted justice. I wanted to stand up for myself. I considered fucking his friends or a family member, but then it would become all about me and the fact that “I did it too.” I realized he married me to make him look good on the outside. I was his trophy wife.

I decided to become his idea of the ultimate woman, which was a pornstar.

I enrolled in college and started selling content out of my inbox on Facebook to make ends meet. When I caught FB ban and could not sell for 90 days, a customer introduced me to webcam modeling on a site called Chaturbate. I did very well from the start.

At this point, my self-esteem and self-worth were at an all time low. My ex-husband managed to turn my family on me as well. Talk about a double whammy! Webcamming started building my confidence and the fans helped build back my self-worth. They told me I was beautiful and that I mattered. I don’t know how I would’ve done it without them. I am forever grateful. That is how I got started at 40 years old, in the adult industry. I would’ve never imagined my life going in the direction it has gone. Life is quite the adventure, isn’t it?

FS: I had so much fun as a guest on your radio show, Phone Sex with Lily. Tell my readers all about your new show!

LC: “Phone Sex with Lily Show” began after I was asked to stand in and host the K97FM Radio pornstar interviews. These interviews were extremely boring and dry to me. It was not my guests that made it boring but me who was not bringing anything unique or special to the table. I stepped back and thought, I need to create a visual for my listeners and what sells? Sex sells! Then it hit me. Phone Sex!

Currently, I interview talent in front of and behind the camera. I kick off each episode by having phone sex with my guest. As you can imagine, the industry has a lot of characters and personalities. Surprisingly, no one has tried to buck the system by not participating. It has been a lot of fun for my guests, the listeners, and myself.

FS: I know that we both have high standards when it comes to the treatment of women in porn. Are there certain things that you won’t do in scenes?

LC: When I first started, there was a list of things that I would not do. I was very vanilla and did not consider anything outside of the box. It has taken time, but I have performed beyond my expectations. The reason I have pushed my boundaries is not because of the pressure of the industry to do so. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. The reason I have pushed my boundaries is because the industry producers and talent have made me comfortable enough to do so. I have never been pressured on a set to perform anything that I was not comfortable with.

One boundaries that I have stuck to is, I will not allow myself to be humiliated on camera. I will not play the role of a submissive at that level.

FS: How do you think we can work to protect and represent women in the industry?

LC: I believe my contribution to women in the industry would be to educate the new talent coming in. Making them aware of the scammers and empowering them with the knowledge of who and where to turn if they have questions. I wish I had a “go to” person in the industry when I started. I could have avoided learning things the hard way. Most of us are self-taught. With that being said, we do a lot of trial and error. Established Talent, often, are willing to help a newbie. Please, reach out to me or someone in the industry. At minimal, we can point you in the right direction.

FS: You love to stay connected with your fans. List your chat and site links!

If you are looking for interaction with me while purchasing content or if you want to set up a live chat play date, I can be reached directly on https://Facebook.com/lily.craven40

If you prefer clip sites https://lilycraven.manyvids.com

For my faithful VIP followers https://LilyCravenxxx.com

If you want to see me perform on live webcam https://chaturbate.com/lily40

And last, please catch my new radio show “Phone Sex with Lily Show” every Wednesday 6pm PST, 7pm MST 8pm CST, 9pm EST, exclusively on https://K97FMRadio.com/phone-sex-with-lily

FS: Which are your more recent and favorite of your scenes?

LC: Most recently I traveled to Miami to shoot for BlushErotica.com. I was matched with a new young male talent named Milan. When he walked in the room, I thought to myself, somebody really loves me because Milan was Hubba Hubba Hot! It was an intense scene because we had great chemistry. Also, I stepped outside my norm and took on the submissive role a couple times and I loved it!

Then, Megan sends me an email to inform me she is the writer BlushErotica.com assigned to write the voice over for my scene with Milan. As you can imagine, I am thrilled! I know this is going to be incredibly sexy and steamy! I can hardly wait! That will be coming soon on BlushErotica.com .

+++

FS: It was an honor to write for this amazing lady–and to bring her here to you. Now listen to me on her fabulous show: Phone Sex with Meagan Hussey – Phone Sex With Lily Show | Podcast on Spotify

Legendary Lover: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews John Legendary

By

Megan Hussey

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March 7, 2022

Ladies, a Legendary Lover is coming for you.

A newcomer to the XXX scene, John Legendary is a man with a plan. A plan to seduce the female porn fan with striking good looks and classy charm and demeanor, and satisfy her with his skilled, passionate, and highly romantic lovemaking techniques–one of which is known as The Stroke. See his flicks to find out more….

“I make content for the ladies,” he said. “I want to show you something you’ve never seen before. My work is sensual, and I want to fulfill women’s fantasies.”

This edict is on full display via Date Night, John Legendary’s new series available through ManyVids. The first scene of the series, “Date Nights Vol. 1 – Caitlin Bell,” is available to purchase à la carte. In this film, custom made for women and couples, John takes hotwife Caitlin Bell out on a date Saturday night and they go back to his place for erotic fun. The video is available exclusively on his ManyVids store manyvids.com/Profile/1005086754/Johnlegendary. This is the first of many scenes in the groundbreaking series, that pairs John, who prides himself on being a true gentleman on set and off, with some of the hottest women in adult; and, prior to the hot action, we get footage of a hot date that finds our hero charming and romancing his lady. As the Feminist Sexpert has noted before, we need more of this in porn! Like, much more! John also offers a second video from his amateur offerings titled “Sex in the Morning Gonzo.”

“I see the woman as the star of the show,” he said. “I want to make sure she’s comfortable, to know her likes and dislikes, her desires and boundaries.”

If John seems himself like a Sexpert; one who excels at the art of loving ladies, well, he is.
John is a woman’s fantasy, a dapper gentleman by day (one who previously worked with Fortune 500 companies and in the fashion world) and a literal wild bull by night–in his role as a bull in the swingers lifestyle.

“A bull is a single guy who understands the dynamic of a hot wife lifestyle,” he explains.

A bull, he explains, is a take charge man who sexes up a hot wife as her husband watches; giving her what she’s missing–just as John is doing now, for female porn fans.

It was through his active role in this lifestyle that he first appeared on film; and when seeking a new career, he opted to embark on a full-fledged career as an actor in the adult industry.

“I was working a 9 to 5 job to pay the bills,” he said. “I wanted to live my life’s passion.”

John Legendary is filming new scenes for top studios like Pure Taboo, Dogfart, and VRBangers. And he also has launched his ManyVids channel to give fans access to his exclusive content.

And while John is being paired with some of the hottest women in adult, one need not liken a supermodel to film a scene with this hunk.

“I love all women,” he said. “All shapes and sizes.”

Fans can watch the trailer for “Date Nights Vol. 1 – Caitlin Bell exclusively on his OnlyFans onlyfans.com/johnlegendary. John is working towards making a lot of personal content available exclusively on his ManyVids and OnlyFans.

“I’m really excited about my new Date Nights series and know my fans will really enjoy it. In between filming for studios, I’m working on getting my exclusive content on my ManyVids and OnlyFans. I also have a MILF series coming soon that will be even hotter,” he said.

Oh, and about the name–John did indeed choose his stage name due to his strong resemblance to a certain, very romantic soul singer…which makes the Feminist Sexpert all the happier that “Save Room for My Love” ranks among her favorite sexytime jams….

Keep up with everything in John’s world and his rise in the adult industry by following him on Twitter and Instagram @JohnLegendary_. Subscribe to his OnlyFans onlyfans.com/johnlegendary to see exclusive content from on and off set with the hottest women in adult. Buy his content à la carte on ManyVids manyvids.com/Profile/1005086754/Johnlegendary. Subscribe to his Pornhub for some of the hottest content out there pornhub.com/pornstar/john-legendary. Get all his links in one place at allmylinks.com/johnlegendary.

“Ladies,” said John. “My films are a good opportunity for you to let go–let your mind, body and soul enjoy a sensorial erotic experience.”

The Pleasure of the Perineum

By

Tamara Bell

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June 9, 2022

omid-armin-Wo7OTDRS2Io-unsplash — Photo by Omid Armin

The perineum is a frequently forgotten pleasure spot. We regularly target other areas of the body that are considered erogenous zones, but the perineum isn’t considered a “go to” location. The perineum and perineal massage can be sources of immense pleasure. Practicing specific touch techniques for perineal massage can add measured doses of enjoyment as well as health benefits.

The perineum, also known as the “taint” or “gooch”, is located between the genitals and the anus. On males, the perineum goes from the back of the scrotum to the anus. On females the perineum goes from the back of the opening of the vagina to the anus. The perineum isn’t on the usual list of suspects when it comes to foreplay and massage. Perineum massage during foreplay, oral sex or intercourse, can provide an additional level of stimulation that may or may not have been experienced by the receiver.

Techniques for perineal massage

The perineum is loaded with nerve endings which makes this an idea spot for stimulation and resulting pleasure. Because of these nerve endings, one must massage or stroke the perineum with care, using a lighter touch until determining the amount of pressure the receiver prefers. For males and females, the perineum can be:

Stroked gently with one or two fingers
Lightly tickled/tapped with fingertips
Massaged with fingers
Pressed with the knee or butt of the hand
Licked
Stimulated with a sextoy e.g., bullet

Perineal massage can occur during foreplay, oral sex or intercourse. In some cases, perineal massage of males during intercourse can lengthen the amount of time he maintains an erection. Using lighter and heavier strokes can enhance an erection or encourage ejaculation.

Using perineal massage with the fingers or a sextoy on a female or male while performing cunnilingus or fellatio respectively can heighten pleasure and provide multiple points of stimulation.

Tapping or tickling the perineum provides a heightened level of stimulation when the tapping or tickling is done rhythmically.

Firmly and steadily applying pressure to the perineum with the knee requires skill and a slow-motion movement to ensure that the knee is properly positioned just on the perineal area.

When performing perineal massage, be aware that this is a delicate area that can be susceptible to becoming raw. A lubricant should be used.

Perineal massage is beneficial for pregnant women

Perineal massage is also beneficial for women who are about to give birth. Initiating perineal massage in the weeks prior to delivery can help to make the tissues the baby will stretch more pliable during vaginal births. This can prevent bruising and tearing thus, making recovery from giving birth a little easier.

The perineum attaches to the muscles that support the reproductive organs, bowels, and bladder — the pelvic floor. Damage to the perineum during childbirth can cause issues with the pelvic floor, such as urinary or fecal incontinence, uterine prolapse, or sexual discomfort.

Benefits of perineal massage during pregnancy

May increase blood circulation and help the skin to stretch more easily resulting in less pain during childbirth
Decrease risk of tearing which can prevent the need for stitches or lower the number of stitches needed

Women should refer to their healthcare providers to discuss perineal massage during labor. In a recent review of studies by the National Library of Medicine, researchers discovered that women who received massage during the second stage of labor (during and between pushing) had a lower risk of third-and fourth-degree tears.

Some experts suggest beginning massage once or twice a week sometime between weeks 34 and 36 in the pregnancy. Some sources say massage may be repeated every day or every other day in five-minute increments. As with many things in pregnancy, recommendations differ and may be individual.

The pleasures and benefits of perineal massage run the gamut from extending pure pleasure and enjoyable stimulation to providing helpful preventative measures during childbirth. The forgotten and underutilized perineum should be celebrated and stimulated.

Perineum, Kinkly.com 8/3/2020

How to Do a Perineal Massage During Pregnancy, Healthline.com, Medically reviewed by Meredith Wallis, MS, APRN, CNM, IBCLC – Written by Ashley Marcin, 12/19/2019

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmwh.12427

National Library of Medicine

Oxford University Hospitals

Relationship Rules

By

Erika Jordan

-

September 18, 2022

Relationships are hard. We seem to think there are set rules for relationships and everyone is aware of them. This is just not true.

If you look up a word in Webster’s dictionary you will often see multiple definitions for the same word. The same is true for relationships.. One person might feel when you’re in a relationship you should check in with your partner every day. Another person might think it’s perfectly normal to go days without speaking if they already made plans to see their partner at the end of the week. Before you get into a relationship discuss what a relationship means to you.

What are the rules that you feel your partner should follow once they become your boyfriend. What changes when you become official Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. My six week course, the artist pick up, is now available with personalize guidance at Playmate pickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you.

Erica Jordan is a certified Love Coach, NLP practitioner, and leader in the field of digital romance. Try her six week course, The Art Of Pickup! Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

PlaymatePickup.com

Best Long Distance Toy for Couples

By

Erika Jordan

-

February 9, 2023

Have you heard of Moxie? Well if you don’t know you need to know. The Moxie is a vibrator that attaches to your panties. You can control the Moxie from your phone. Anyone can control your moxie from their phone if you give them permission and they download the free app. This is a game changer for a long distance relationship. It’s also spectacular for any couple. Releasing control to your partner is an exciting act of submission and they can remind you anytime they wish. It’s also fun foreplay before a date or fun on a date. You can watch your partner with amusement as they attempt to ask the waiter for more water on the verge of an orgasm. Holy hell… yo.. take a puff.. if you smoke weed.. put the moxie in your panties and put on your favorite song and it vibrates to the beat.. for all of these reasons Moxie is one of my favorite sex toys. Try it for yourself

Erika Jordan is an internationally acclaimed love and relationship expert, author, and media personality, and a leader in the field of Digital Romance and Online Dating.

Known as a personal trainer for dating, Erika helps men maneuver through the ups and downs of dating and helps them find the love of their lives.

Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence, and get them to want you!!!! Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, Playmate Pickup is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!