He Secretly Dresses Up In Women’s Clothing, But He’s Not Gay
Some men like to wear pretty things, women’s things, not because they are gay or want to be a woman but it is a sexual turn on for them.
It is a turn on to be in women’s clothing, they love women so much that they want to feel what it is like to be dressed as one.
Cross-dressing, gender confusion, homosexuality, heterosexuality, likes the feel of woman’s clothing, a fetish how does one put a label on this?
There is a population of men that like to wear women’s panties, bra’s, and even clothing but they are very much attracted to women, so much so that they love to feel what it is like to be a woman or be closer to a woman. Unlike cross-dressing the turn on for them is that the woman is turned on by him wearing the panties, bra or lingerie. He may also like her to tell him what to do or treat him as her pet, ask him to serve her while dressed in the feminine clothing.
For many men that wear women’s clothing or are turned on by it, the unfortunate part about it is some men find themselves confused about their sexuality. They may wonder if they are gay, or perhaps have a gender issue…..
As a clinical sexologist in my private practice working with men has given me a better understanding of how to help them. Each man has his own unique idea of why it turns him on and to the extent that he dresses up or wears women’s clothing. Many times an incident may have happened while going through puberty that will set the “fetish” in motion. Some similarities do occur in many of the men that have spoken to me about their past and growing up.
Most of the men reported to me that they were surrounded by females, sisters, cousins, aunts and strong mother figures, where dad may not have been around that often or not at all. The sisters and even mother may have dressed up the boy once in a while or play dress up and tease him (but that is not the defining factor). He also may have watched from the side lines as his sister, mother, aunt got ready for dates dressing up. How they were excited about changing outfits, the bright colors, sexy lingerie, makeup and getting ready.
I am often misgendered for being a man that plays dress up or as a trans woman.
It makes me feel good. I am able to express myself with my drag and through drag is where I ultimately discovered my gender fluid identity. I fully know I have an Adam’s apple. I know that I expose my “man chest” and pad my hips at the same time. I do it because it makes me feel good.
Easton and Hardy exposed me to the term S/M drag. They define S/M drag as “a word that implies bringing out an alternate persona – to call forth any inner self who plays a role in our fantasies, we can wear the costume to help us become the character”.
Back to S/M drag. What I wear for a scene very much implies what role I am playing. I identify as a switch, with a preference for bottoming. But, I feel more dominant than submissive. 
If I have a scene negotiated and planned where I would be bottoming and submitting to my top, I may wear white, pink, my chastity device, soft makeup or heels. If I have a scene negotiated where I would be topping and dominant, I may wear my thigh high boots, black and dark makeup. 
I got into a long-term relationship with a guy when I was 21. I had no idea that when I met him that I would end up marrying him. And that those few years before I met him would be all the time I had to experiment. Had I missed out? Should I have had more sex with men, been with a girl, maybe had a threesome before I settled down? Maybe so.
When a friend picked out a T-shirt for me when out shopping with the slogan ‘No one knows 
I’d been single about 18 months by the time I eventually matched with any girls on tinder. Just as with guys, I would chat a bit but often nothing would come from it. When I finally set up a meeting with Sarah in a cocktail bar, I got butterflies in my stomach. I was really doing this.
Shortly after she said she needed the toilet and asked if I wanted to go with her. I wasn’t sure if she just wanted some girly company or if she had something naughtier in mind. But I agreed. The bar was fancy and the toilets were downstairs in the basement. Dark, and beautifully styled, with flowers between the washbasins, it wasn’t the usual gross public restroom you encounter, it was quite sexy. I could tell by now that she definitely was into me, and after 3 or 4 drinks I was relaxed enough to just got for it.
Am I bisexual? Yes. It’s not something I feel I need to tell everybody about. Each person’s journey is different and I still don’t really feel the need to label myself or ‘come out’ to every person I meet. However, if anyone asks, I’m totally open about it and happy to share my experiences.
The potential cost of coming out is rejection. But the cost of being hidden, of living in shame, is far greater. And the opportunities that coming out affords are enormous. Coming out as a lesbian has given me the courage to come out as an artist, a writer, a Black Lives Matter activist, and a person of faith. It’s allowed me to be more of my authentic self in so many ways, and hopefully gives others the courage to do the same. And it’s given people permission to tell me their stories of spiritual and personal growth, connecting us across differences, but reminding us of our shared humanity.
