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KINK or FETISH
You may have asked yourself this a time or two. What is the difference between a Kink and a Fetish? At its face a fetish is defined as a form of sexual desire of which an item, part of the body, item of clothing, etc. is involved in the play somehow to give increased pleasure that may or may not cause a release. If the object is not used however, the person is likely to release anyway. A Fetish on the other hand is when that object, item of clothing or body part is a necessity to have orgasm. Meaning if they don’t see, feel, hear, touch, or smell the object, they will not be able to release.
Currently the words fetish and kink are used one and the same. Any act that falls outside the “mainstream” norms. A great example is bondage. While the term may overlap, they are drastically different. A fetish is more of a psychological need while kink is more of a preference. The important thing to remember is, all fetishes are kinks but not all kinks are fetishes. It is very individualized and are more widely accepted. Before playing you need to have the consent and safety conversation with your mate{s} about what it is that you are and are not willing to do or experience. This is imperative to keep the scene from turning traumatic.
It might include BDSM, roleplaying or impact play such as spanking and whipping. You might enjoy flogging or nipple claps. All you must do is speak up for yourself and ask for what is going to give you pleasure. Dominatrix and Submissive are apart of the BDSM scene. One doe not become a servant over night and a Dom does not become a Dom overnight. There are schools such as The BDSM Training Academy that can teach you how to excel and become an excellent player, there are also retreats and meet ups where you can learn techniques and skills needed to play safe, provide orgasm and have fun with the experience.
I savagely stand by my heart and mind that fetishes that include harming kids, animals, blood etc. are not forms of play but acts of traumatic distress. You are not on the same level if you enjoy the smell of an orange or to caress a breast while releasing. If you want to be spanked until your cherry red, this is your prerogative but there is a difference between abuse, kink, and fetish. You need to make sure you know where that line is and that you never cross it. Create a safe word or action (in case your mouth is tied) that your partner will understand to mean stop. Some Sexual Behavior experts do agree that fetishes can come from seeing inappropriate sexual behavior in early childhood or from abuse. These fetishes develop in the early life and grow as an individual progresses through life.
Most kinks and fetishes are not a disorder by definition. It all depends on the level of intense lasting distress. You need to adopt the belief that if pleasure is the end goal, it is OK. If you are forcing them to take part in any activity, this is not and will never be OK. You or someone you know should seek professional help if the behavior becomes compulsive, desperate and/or distressed to the level of becoming suicidal.
Of course, some fetishes are harmless. “Adult baby diaper lovers” is a practice by 1,800 men and 140 women according to a recent study. Most of the subjects reported they were “comfortable” with their fetish and saw no problem in practice it. This can be said for individuals who enjoy bondage, discipline or BDSM. If everyone agrees, the chances are no one is getting hurt in a way that is extreme or permanent and everyone. Know that people can fetishize almost anything. Studies show that body parts such as feet, body features such as obesity, piercings, tattoos and splooshing are some of the top activities. When the fixation is on one body part, this is known as partialism. This involves one body part that is isolated and sexually charged or objectified. Body fluid, body size and hair fetishes are some of the other things that people fetishize. Sometimes clothes worn on the hips and legs such as stockings and skirts are at the top of the list for some. Some like to dress in furry animal costumes or have their partners do it.
If the sight of something can light a fire within us, than the sound of it has the power to warm our soul. In our musical catalog of senses, I classify hearing as the classical repertoire. There’s no denying the seductive power of sound. A whisper. A groan. A love song. Hearing your name followed by the words “I love you.” Sound is like an inner massage; cells in your body respond to vibrations and release energy.
Music, laughter and words have power to heal and arouse.
As the auditory cortex receives sound messages with the frontal and parietal lobes, the brain identifies these and defines the direction and distance of these sounds by merging information received from both ears. It’s a highly complicated exchange of information involving intricate instruments. The malleus, incus and stapes (otherwise known as the hammer, anvil and stirrup) are the smallest bones in the human body and are full size at birth. All three together could fit on a penny.
“Sound is the vocabulary of nature.” – Pierre Schaeffer
Using sound in healing has been gaining momentum in the medical industry. “I believe that sound can play a role in virtually any medical disorder, since it redresses imbalances on every level of physiologic functioning,” writes Dr. Mitchell Gaynor in his book The Healing
Power of Sound: Recovery from Life-Threatening Illness Using Sound, Voice and Music.
Furthermore, Dr. Gaynor sees sound beginning to play a large part in the trend of mindful medicine, where the whole person is treated, not just the part that is injured. Just as physical ailments can be caused by emotional distress, our bodies respond to positive emotions with better health, which can be brought about with sound-based therapy that shapes and shifts our mood.
For instance, if you’re sitting in a park on a quiet day, how is your mood affected by the sudden chirping of birds or children laughing nearby versus the explosive blare of a car alarm going off? Or consider the various sounds in your local gym. Compare the differences in music between an intense aerobics class and a meditative yoga class. Whether our conscious mind is aware of it or not, our bodies take cues, emotional and otherwise, from these auditory messages.
Speaking of music, this incredible art form is strongly associated with the brain’s reward system. According to Robert Zatorre, professor of neurology and neurosurgery at the Montreal Neurological Institute, this reward system is that part of the brain that gives value to things and lets us know if they are important for survival. Music also releases the pleasure chemical dopamine in the brain and imaging has revealed that this is similar to how the brain responds to food and sex. “I think there’s enough evidence to say that musical experience, musical exposure, musical training, all of those things change your brain,” says Dr. Charles Limb, of Johns Hopkins University. “It allows you to think in a way that you used to not think, and it also trains a lot of other cognitive facilities that have nothing to do with music.”
Given the healing and mood-enhancing powers of music, it can be an important element to bring into your love life. Bill Lamb is a music journalist who has been covering the world of pop music since 1999. He says that most of us can think of particular songs we associate with the love relationships of our lives. Many couples bond over a particular song, one that
they picked for their wedding dance, or one that was playing during a romantic or exciting
adventure. Take the time to revisit your favorite music as a couple and share the happy
memories it brings up.
Communicating Love
It’s important to pay attention to the sounds of your surroundings, especially as you work to build or rebuild your relationship. Reducing distractions can be hugely beneficial (which is easier said than done if you have kids in the house!). It’s also important to become aware of the tone and volume of your own speaking voice. Never underestimate the power of a kind whisper of affection to your partner. Admiration is one of the best compliments you can give someone you care about. It literally means a feeling of pleasure and approval. Telling your partner what a great job they’ve done or how much you respect and appreciate
decisions they’ve made boosts their self-esteem and opens them up to trusting you with important decisions and events. Your gift keeps on giving as your partner’s brain releases the neurochemical oxytocin which wires the brain to seek opportunities to trust and get more of that safe feeling.
NEURO-CISE: SOUND, DUO
“Our biological rhythms are the symphony of the cosmos, music embedded deep within us to which we dance, even when we can’t name the tune.” – Dr. Deepak Chopra
One of the most important language adjustments you can make is to use open-ended questions that invite a dialogue instead of a one-word answer. Specific questions can reveal how your partner is feeling. For example, instead of asking, “Weren’t you annoyed that
the service was so slow at the restaurant?” to which your partner could just say, “Yes,” re-phrase to ask, “What did you think about the restaurant, even though the service was so slow?” This will invite a full sentence answer where you can continue the conversation for as long as you want. Here are some more examples:
♥ What do you feel about…?
♥ What do you think about…?
♥ What do you like about…?
♥ What do you dislike about…?
♥ What do you want to do about…?
♥ What might happen if you…?
♥ What do you wish would happen if you…?
One couple I counseled had what they described as “relationship- threatening communication issues,” and it turned out that the woman rarely allowed her partner space to voice his opinion. Of course he could have offered it up freely, but given the prompts
for a “yes” or “no” answer, he always took the bait. Then she would become resentful that he didn’t engage in conversation. Simply by incorporating these open-ended questions, their communication issues dissipated.
Compliments are also a great way to show appreciation for your partner because everyone needs to be reminded of all the things that make them lovable. It makes them feel valued. Take some time to do a Love List of all the things you love about each other mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. Then take turns reading your list to each other. I use this exercise in my office and love to watch couples react to compliments they haven’t heard in years.
Talk Dirty To Me
Lovemaking creates its own form of communication, and one of the best ways to enhance the experience is through erotic talk. Talking Dirty talk is one of the most powerful forms of seduction, and it can make your love life more exciting, more creative, and more fun. It
offers a great starting point for other sexual behavior, and has several benefits all on its own:
♥ It helps escape reality
♥ It safely tests sexual boundaries
♥ It increases arousal
♥ It can intensify orgasm
♥ It’s fun and naughty
Erotic talk is a great escape from your daily routine, work issues, family problems and other life obstacles that bring you stress. Describe your wants and desires, and guess at theirs, utilizing all the senses you can. Imagine what turns you both on, whether it’s a sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch. Keep in mind that, in general, women enjoy implicit fantasies with lots of context and foreplay while men like visually-loaded scenes and explicit action. And remember it’s not always about using X-rated words and descriptions. Sometimes the hottest thing to say is a well-placed “yes” against your partner’s ear.
If you’re intimidated or embarrassed by erotic talk, especially if you’ve been a shy or silent lover in the past, a great way to begin testing the waters is to read erotic literature to your partner. That way you can get comfortable using naughty words and see what does and
doesn’t work for you both. It’s easier to begin with someone else’s words!
NEURO-CISE: SOUND, SOLO
No matter how good your opening line is, it’s not going to work if you don’t use the proper delivery. Here are some basic rules that will help you to connect with strangers.
♥ Be yourself and don’t try to impress by acting like someone else.
♥ Try to make him or her smile or even laugh to get their brain to release feel-good endorphins.
♥ Say his or her name once you find out what it is, as this will you an immediate advantage, since it grabs the person’s full attention.
♥ Use words of a sensory nature such as, “I hear that” or “I can only imagine it” and “I feel the same way.”
Make sure to use an appropriate line for the environment you are in. For example, a friendly approach like, “Hi my name is ______, How are you doing today?” can work anywhere from the supermarket to the carwash. A seductive approach, like “You are the sexiest person here tonight” can be effective at a bar or a nightclub, especially if romantic music is playing in the background. A humorous approach might work almost anywhere from a dog park to a bus stop, but not in a hospital where your target date may be visiting someone close to them who is very ill. If you have a dog, one of my favorite lines is “My dog would like to meet your dog, but she/he is very shy.”
Alternatively, I recommend giving an open-ended compliment such as, “That’s a nice bag, where did you get it?” which lets the person know they have a good sense of style and you can then keep the conversation going with positive feedback.
Remember to say something. Anything is better than nothing!
Start by commenting on the other person or the environment, and then sustain the conversation by asking questions and close by getting their phone number.
The next time you have sex, pay attention to changes that take place and see if you can recognize these five distinct phases.
Phase 1 – Foreplay
The minute a man sees a sexy image or feels an intimate touch, his amygdala, which regulates his emotions, releases feel-good pleasure endorphins in his brain and triggers testosterone. These send messages to his body that he is getting turned on and make him feel sexually virile. His heart rate quickens and blood begins to move to the genitals.
“Sex is an affirmation of life. By making sex a prominent part of it—placing it on the top of our list of priorities—it helps us face daily challenges in other parts of our lives.” – Dr. Stanley Siegel
Most women need to be prepared for sex with some foreplay ranging between ten and forty-five minutes. Whispering her name in her ear and then kissing her triggers the release of dopamine from the nucleus accumbens that will flood her brain with feel-good
chemicals. Caressing her face, neck, shoulders, arms and other areas will increase her blood flow to her genitals and her entire body will become more sensitive. Her estrogen mixed with his testosterone increases their sexual desire.
Phase 2 – Excitement
Heavy-duty petting can take foreplay to a whole new level, especially when you know how it affects your mind and body. I like to call it “Love Play” as it is playful and can be a prelude to making love. It can consist of kissing, caressing, hugging and humping or stroking, all physical and psychological acts that lead to more sexual excitement.
Whether male sexual excitement is created by physical or mental stimulation, the result is the same. His blood flow is increased to his genitals and the penis begins to harden. Adrenaline actives the sympathetic nervous system, which increases his heart, pulse and
respiration rate too. The ventral tegmental area (VTA) actually releases the dopamine, making him feel like a king.
Female sexual excitement affects the entire body with the increase of her heart, pulse and respiration rate. During this cycle, her breasts swell and her nipples become erect. Also, her vagina becomes wet. Like a man’s penis, a woman’s clitoris also becomes erect, up to three times its normal size. Her brain areas associated with the chemicals dopamine and norepinephrine production light up as they make her feel intense pleasure and excitement.
Phase 3 – Plateau
Oral sex is one of the most highly erotic, loving, and satisfying sexual activities you can indulge in that can lead to the Plateau phase, if you are not yet ready for sexual intercourse. Like any other sexual act, it all starts between the ears, so if oral pleasure is what you want be sure to communicate that to your partner because they cannot read
your mind.
The head of his penis becomes engorged with blood and swells. For the uncircumcised man, the penis head pushes out of the hole in the foreskin. At the urethral opening, some men will secrete pre- ejaculatory fluid, more commonly known as “pre-come.” This fluid contains semen, so wear a condom to practice all the necessary safer-sex precautions to protect yourself and your partner from STDs and pregnancy. The chemical vasopressin, a male counterpart to oxytocin is released to increase bonding with his partner.
Her body temperature rises and changes, which may explain why the face and chest get red when having sex. This is often referred to as a “sex flush” and with the increased blood flow to the genitals the color of her inner vaginal lips become a deep red. Her clitoris retracts under the clitoral hood. Her uterus is pulling upward into the abdomen widening the vaginal space allowing the penis to fit comfortably. The pituitary gland releases beta-endorphins, which studies show can decrease physical pain, including headaches.
Phase 4 – Orgasm
Many women say their best orgasms happen while receiving oral sex or when they use their fingers or a vibrator on the clitoris during penetration. The secret to simultaneous orgasms is to sync up your mind and body with your partner before having intercourse.
Remember that an orgasm starts in the brain, so paying close attention to your partner’s erotic cues will help you both reach a highly aroused state at the same time and maybe even have simultaneous orgasms.
At the orgasmic point, male blood pressure is rising and muscle tension is building to a peak as he’s about to reach his orgasm. The testicles rise up close to his penis while his prostate gland is filled with fluid. The cerebellum controls muscle function as they contract
involuntarily. When his pelvic muscular contractions begin, there’s no going back, and the sperm shoots out of the urethral opening of his penis. His body movements during orgasm are totally unconscious according to brain scans.
In the female orgasm cycle, the uterus, anus, leg muscles, face and hands begin to involuntarily contract. Dr. Masters and Virginia Johnson referred to these muscle spasms as “myotonia” activated by the vaginal muscles. There are strong contractions in the vagina at 0.8 second intervals, the lungs are working at forty breaths per minute and heart beat can go as high as 180 beats per minute. While in the brain, a releasing agent called phenylethylamine (PEA), which is famous for being found in chocolate, makes her feel both physically and emotionally satisfied.
A woman’s brain shows less activity in the amygdala and hippocampus, which deal with fear and anxiety, so that she can relax and enjoy her orgasm. Her orgasm generally lasts
longer than his by at least 10 seconds and scientific imaging reveals that female orgasm fires in 80 regions of the brain!
During intercourse, increased amounts of adrenaline are released from the adrenal glands. This chemical amplifies the circulatory system with each heart contraction.
Phase 5 – Resolution
After orgasm, the body goes back to its normal pre-arousal state; muscles relax, the penis becomes soft and the testicles descend back down to their usual place. Heartbeat and breathing slows down and lots of men feel so relaxed that they just want to go to sleep.
After orgasm, men release a cocktail of chemicals including prolactin, a hormone that is linked to feelings of sexual satisfaction, hence the smile on his face. He also releases a burst of oxytocin causing him to feel sleepy.
Cooling down for women is defined by how long it takes to get her pulse rate back down to normal and for the rush of blood from her pelvis to subside. Blood pressure and pulse gradually return to pre-arousal levels. Swelling in the genitals and other areas decreases. The labia minora return to their normal color. The clitoris re-emerges from under the clitoral hood and returns to its normal size within about ten minutes. Muscles relax and organs and tissues resume their original positions.
It’s important for a woman to cuddle after sex as it releases oxytocin and makes her feel more intimate towards her partner. For men, the benefit of cuddling can lead to increased sexual satisfaction, so fall asleep if you must as long as it’s with your arms wrapped around each other.
Oh My, The Big O
For something so juicy, the formal definition of “orgasm” is quite dry. Webster’s Dictionary defines orgasm as “Intense or paroxysmal excitement; especially: an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female.” This basically means a sudden burst of energy, which allows your body to release tension. At the point of orgasm, or climax, a euphoric energy is released throughout the body and causes a strong tightening of most muscles in the body, which basically means … yes, please.
Orgasm Does All This!
♥ Orgasm enables us to surrender complete control.
♥ Orgasm is the best form of escape from reality.
♥ Orgasm is the most natural high.
♥ Orgasm is wired to our brain, not between our legs.
♥ Orgasm gives us indisputable confidence.
♥ Orgasm teaches us to accept who we are.
♥ Orgasm satisfies us physically.
♥ Orgasm satisfies us emotionally.
♥ Orgasm can be a spiritual experience.
♥ Orgasm can be addictive.
♥ Orgasm should not be hurried or pushed by anyone.
♥ Orgasm can unite two partners into one.
In both sexes, an area in the frontal lobes of the brain, called the lateral orbitofrontal cortex (OFC), shuts down during orgasm. This region is used for decision-making, obviously not a primary function when reaching an orgasm.
The Brain Produces All Kinds of Pleasure!
The brain’s pleasure center, made up of the amygdala, nucleus accumbens, ventral tegmental area, cerebellum and pituitary gland, is ignited during sexual activity. Also known as the reward circuit, this part of the brain processes all kinds of pleasures, including sex, laughter, and certain kinds of drug use. When this section of the
brain was scanned during sexual activity, scientists at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands discovered that there was little difference in the brain patterns of men and women during orgasm.
They also discovered something else: an orgasm makes you lose control. Researcher Janniko R. Georgiadis states, “It’s the seat of reason and behavioral control. But when you have an orgasm, you lose control” and Dr. Gert Holstege has been quoted as saying that
there is little difference between a brain during orgasm and a brain on heroin. “95% is the same.”
Sex is our second basic instinct after self-preservation because it leads to the continuation of our species. Not that you need any convincing that orgasms feel good, but did you know that they are also healthy? Several studies have hypothesized that hormones released during arousal and orgasm, specifically oxytocin and DHEA, an endogenous hormone that serves as precursor to male and female sex hormones, may also have protective effects against cancer and heart disease.
The BrainGasm concept is to slowly build the mental and emotional intensity between partners. Sex starts between the ears as your brain influences the kind of sex you want to have – romantic, playful, sensual, intimate, erotic or wild. By concentrating on the
interconnection you share on the deepest level, a firecracker turns into a full sky of explosive fireworks.
1. With millions of nerve endings in the brain devoted to the lips, passionate kissing is essential to achieving a BrainGasm. During a long wet make-out kiss, adrenaline makes your heart race while the nucleus accumbens controls the release of dopamine (a craving signal) from the reward center of your brain.
2. Once the juices are flowing, focus on your partner with your full attention by looking deep into their eyes to release oxytocin, the bonding chemical that increases desire and
establishes a greater sense of intimacy.
3. Put your prominent hand on each other’s heart to light the emotional fire centers for a heart-mind-body connection. The amygdala induces sexual energy from the brain as balanced serotonin levels make you feel intense pleasure emotions, as if two hearts beat as one.
4. Whisper into your partner’s ear how you are going to sexually satisfy them, and take in their scent of arousal. Smell is the most primitive of all of our senses that comes from the
olfactory bulb, part of the brain’s limbic system, an area so closely connected with memory and emotion it’s often called the “Emotional Brain.”
5. Take your partner’s breath away by using your breath around their most sensitive erogenous zones from the top of their neck to the tip of their toes. When you blow your cool breath on the left side of your partner’s body, you are stimulating the right side of their brain. Watch your partner’s muscles contract with pleasure, controlled by the cerebellum.
6. Your partner should be begging you to touch them by now and with the first erotic touch on the nipples, toes or sexual organs, the brains sensory cortex region fires up. Neurons that are linked to your various erogenous zones communicate with the sensory cortex, to eventually activate the brain regions that produce orgasm. You may be interested to know that the toes are located next to the clitoris in the sensory cortex of the female brain.
7. Make love to activate the hippocampus, a region of the brain that evokes mind-blowing sensations, while the frontal cortex induces erotic fantasies and the cerebellum triggers
body-melting sexual tension – this can all result in an earth shattering, energy melting, all-embracing BrainGasm.
NEURO-CISE: HANDS-FREE ORGASM, SOLO
Since the brain is the most erotic organ in the body, it should be no surprise that you can think your way to orgasm. Sexual thoughts can activate the brain just like sexual touching does. If you’ve ever enjoyed looking at porn, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Visuals of people having sex can automatically trigger your body into a state of arousal, making women wet and giving men erections. If you continued to watch erotica without touching yourself, you could still experience a full-blown orgasm. Even if you’re not into porn, you can achieve a mind over body orgasm by tapping into all of your five senses.
Sexologist and Professor Emerita at Rutgers University Dr. Beverly Whipple is often referred to as “the inventor of the G-spot” based on a book she co-authored in 1982 entitled The G-Spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality. Through her work, Dr.
Whipple has documented that some women can achieve orgasm from visual stimulation alone, without touch. She states, “The point is that women can experience orgasms and sexual pleasure from many forms of stimuli. It does not have to be through genital stimulation.”
To begin your hands-free orgasm, use only your imagination to think about what your partner’s tongue would feel like between your legs and what he or she smells like when fully aroused. Visualize what they look like naked. Imagine touching, kissing, licking and tasting his or her body. Hear them moaning with pleasure. Become aware of your own feelings as you let your excitement build.
The trick here is not to touch yourself, but to let the ebb and fl ow of your orgasm take
you on a mental journey to sexual ecstasy. Th is can also be fun to do with a partner as a safe sex activity.
The brain is tangible, the mind is not, and as Raphael Cushnir, author of The One Thing Holding You Back: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection defines it, “an emotion is a message from your mind delivered to your body as a physical sensation.”
The brain, mind and emotion are all interconnected. The brain is the delivery system by which messages are sent to the body, the mind processes these messages and applies appropriate emotions, and then that coded message is sent to the physical body for expression. Basically, the brain is the match, the mind is the spark, and the emotion is the flame.
While some of this happens consciously, a majority of this process takes place below the surface with the help of some highly potent chemicals.
Chemical Cocktails of Romance
“A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.”– Thomas Carlyle
Attraction works very much like a powerful cocktail. The process of getting ‘“turned on” through the feelings of attraction and desire is powered by various chemicals and hormones that complete an intricate recipe within your body.
If your brain is the bartender and your body the glass, these various elements are the special ingredients in the cocktail of life. While vodka can be fine on its own, you need to bring in the added elements of peach schnapps, cranberry juice and orange juice in order to sip a little “Sex On The Beach.” The brain works much the same way. You may have one basic thought (“that girl is pretty”), and then suddenly with a splash of this chemical and twist of that hormone, you’re giddy with desire!
Oxytocin is like the strawberry in the strawberry daiquiri. It is released by the pituitary gland and has been linked to the formation of close social bonds because it decreases stress levels and increases trust.
Vasopressin is like the tonic in the gin. It is a calming chemical secreted by the hypothalamus that fuels long-term relationship bonding.
Androgens are the Tabasco in the Bloody Mary. Testosterone is the primary sex hormone from a group called “Androgens.” Produced mostly by male testicles, it can also be created in smaller amounts by the female ovaries. While most men produce 6 to 8 mg of testosterone a day, most women produce only 0.5 mg. Low levels of testosterone have been linked to decreased sexual desire as well as causing some men to have difficulty maintaining an erection, while high levels may increase sexual lust in both sexes. In fact, women in their reproductive years have seen their testosterone levels spike in
the middle of their menstrual cycle, which helps explain why many women have reported an increased sexual appetite when they are most fertile.
Estrogens are like the cranberry juice in a Cosmopolitan. These are the sex hormones produced primarily by a female’s ovaries that play a large role in the female body by stimulating the growth of sex organs, breasts and pubic hair, while also regulating the menstrual cycle. The brain of both sexes also produces estrogen, though what part this
plays in male sexuality hasn’t yet been established. It is believed by many researchers that it plays an important role in sexual appetite.
Nitric Oxide is the olive juice in the dirty martini. This chemical is released by the genitals during arousal. It increases blood flood to the sex organs, especially the penis.
Pheromones are the lime juice on the glass rim of a margarita. These scented hormones are found primarily in the odor-producing apocrine glands of the armpits and other areas of the body that have hair follicles. Linked to sexual attraction, research has indicated that we may select our partners by using a set of subtle smell cues, since no two people have the same odor print, with the exception of identical twins. However there is much research in progress about the exact way these hormones work, so the jury is still out.
Neurotransmitters are like the various fruits in sangria. Epinephrine, norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, and phenylethylamine (PEA) are the ‘BrainGasm’ neurotransmitters that stimulate motivation and drive. After playing a minor role in the initial phase of love, it is really in the second stage (“Adventure”) that they take the spotlight and work to help the brain feel balanced. Epinephrine and norepinephrine are responsible for the feelings of an “adrenaline rush”, with high levels associated with anxiety and low levels with depression.
Welcome to October! When we begin to bundle up and spend evenings taking long fair-weather walks. A great time of year to get all cozy inside and commit to your orgasm!
As an Orgasm Coach I have guided many to their first or much improved orgasm. I spend a lot of client time on this topic.
The “N”-Word
Photo by Saksham Choudhary from Pexels
I had a shocking thing happen to me last month during a virtual event I hold on the second Saturday monthly called Sexy Talk and Play. I used to meet face to face with individuals who came into a local bar that hosted my talks. With CoVid, I have taken the talks online via Zoom, and last month I had just finished talking about using your fingers to stimulate the Gspot and suddenly I hear the “N”word and “no one wants to fuck you”! My heart began to pound. Many voices began asking questions about fisting and how many fingers to use and calling me N***** in the chat.
It was all that I could do to apologize to my listeners and end my Zoom meeting. The experience shook me. I immediately wondered if it was my topic that they didn’t like or was it The color of my skin?
I shared on FB what had happened during my talk and many people posted that it has happened to them, even sent porn on the kids Zoom classes. This is disturbing! Who can help stop this from happening? People are hacking meetings and doing some very disturbing things. It is sad and unfortunate.
*Tip: when setting up your Zoom meeting, use the waiting room feature and require a password.
How to Give Good Fellatio
It ruined a very good talk on giving and receiving oral sex, where I gave tips on fellatio and how the wetter you keep it, the better it is for the receiver.
Fellatio Tips:
Never perform fellatio as a chore. Your excitement increases their excitement and therefore their orgasm.
Pay attention to the sensitivity of the shaft and head of the penis so that you can have fun with pressure and tongue strokes.
Learn to read the sexual response of your mate to take them on an orgasmic journey.
How to Give Good Cunnilingus
The same can be said about the delivery of cunnilingus.
Tips for Cunnilingus
Use your whole mouth on the entire external vagina.
Use your hand to apply a little pressure on the vulva to stimulate the internal clitoris which makes the external parts more sensitive.
*Note: If the clit gets too sensitive and becomes uncomfortable for your mate, you can use the clitoral hood to create a buffer over the clitoris. If this does not work, stay away from the clitoris or take a break.
When you begin to perform, pay attention to the outer and inner lips. Lick and suck them softly. If wanted, you can nibble on them as well.
Use a stiff tongue to play with the vaginal opening, you can reach many of the nerve endings there. You can use a flat, loose tongue to stroke from the perineum to the tip at the base of the vulva. Add wetness as you do so to increase the friction.
If using dental dam, place lube on the vagina to create the best level of wetness.
As your mate gets more into what you are doing -you will know this because they will squeeze your head with their thighs or press down onto your face- follow through to orgasm.
Unless directed to do so, don’t stop whatever you are doing through the climax, don’t stop to soon. I can’t stress that enough. If you get too excited, you may change your position or pressure causing a disruption in the orgasm.
Moving forward with penetration if wanted will continue the orgasmic journey through multiple orgasms.
Oral Sex Just for Foreplay?
Oral sex is usually done for foreplay. I tell people that foreplay should involve the erogenous zones and oral sex is an act itself. The more you “warm” up your mate to the sexual experience you can provide, the better the results.
Talk to your partner, find out what they know about their pleasure. You shouldn’t force them to be satisfied with what you have always done with others. All vulvas are different and need different stimulation. The same for the penis. If your blowjob is a series of habit, you need to shake it up, listen to your mate and deliver their version of a wonderful orgasm.
In case you haven’t caught on, communication is very important to the orgasm. Instead of treating your mate like a Rubik cube where you take a bunch of complex moves trying to get the colors to match. If you listen to them, and of course, if you share what works to get you to orgasm, then you know you are going to have one. But if you guide someone, they can adjust to enhance what you’re asking for, taking things to the next level for you, giving you your best orgasm… EVER!
Conclusion
I probably won’t be able to think of oral without thinking of being hacked on Zoom for a while! I choose to believe that it wasn’t about the conversation and my skin color was just a part of their hateful joke. Sexuality needs to be discussed. Just to keep it sexy, I am going to talk oral again this month.
Let’s talk about an orgasm brought on by vaginal stimulation with fingers. This can result in intense and/or multiple orgasm, and for some, ejaculation. The best method to please a vulva born individual is to experiment with finger manipulation. Up to 75% of vulva owners state that they do not orgasm from penetration alone. This means, that figuring out how to use your fingers to provide a mind-blowing vaginal orgasm is a must.
Fingering the G-spot
The best part about fingering though, is the direct contact made with the G-spot. Which by the way is not a “spot” or “button”, it’s an area at the top frontal wall of the vagina. This area happens to rest between the clitoral legs (inside the vagina) and is super sensitive. It is only 2-3 inches deep, which means that your penetration needs to be very shallow.
If you are masturbating and feel the pleasures of stimulating the Gspot but are not achieving ejaculation, you may be a little too far inside and are missing the spot entirely. Manual stimulation directly on this area will increase your chances of ejaculating.
Different Types of Finger Stimulation or Fingering:
The benefits of using your fingers is that you can curl them. There are three very popular finger movements that can bring on the thunder.
Image by Demie Hadji from Pixabay
The Two-Fingered Salute: Keeping your pointer and middle finger together and keeping them flat, use the padding of the finger tips to stroke with. Move forward and backward and side to side over the area. Use light to medium pressure depending on the person.
Come Hither: When your mate gets really aroused and is displaying all the signs of needing more stimulation switch to the second finger movement; the “come hither”. Curl your fingers toward you as if you are telling someone to come to you. Do so with a little more pressure and work your speed up with your mates breathing and body movements. Do not stop what you are doing until they orgasm, which may include ejaculate.
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Spidey Fingers: What are spidey (or spiderman) fingers? This is the act of positioning your hand to look like spiderman when he is shooting his webs. The two middle fingers go into the vagina, with the two end fingers sticking out. The thumb can also be used to stimulate the clitoris in this position.
How to Finger the Vagina
So, insert your lubed fingers into the vagina slow and carefully. Many individuals cannot have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation so be sure to include that once you have them fully aroused. Also be mindful that some folks find that clit stimulation is too intense. If this is the case, lick and suck over the clitoral hood to create a “buffer” from direct stimulation. You can use your thumb or your mouth to tease and maneuver the clit. Once your fingers are in, explore. Stroke the sides of the wall. The roof and the deep spot are very sensitive.
What is the Deep Spot?
copyright Dominadoll
Deep inside the vagina is an area know as the A spot (anterior fornix) which you can stroke with your fingers to bring about an orgasm. This can be an intense, all over body orgasm if one allows themselves to relax into the sensations. Right below the Aspot you can find the cervix. It is firm to the touch so be careful not to jam it. However, some vulva owners enjoying having their cervix stimulated. Be sure to use lots of lube for cervical play.
The last area I want to mention is the deep spot. I like to call it the cul-de-sac because you can only go so far with your fingers. That area that is as far and deep in the vagina that you can go to bring on an orgasm. It is also known to cause ejaculate as well.
Manipulating the cul-de-sac should be with medium pressure that you can increase as you press down deeper. You are also manipulating the anal wall from the inside, which increases pleasure. It is not a position where you will be able to do the come-hither motion. Bouncing is more appropriate (stroke up and down quickly), staying close to the back wall for the full effect. Again, don’t stop until the orgasm is over.
Many Types of Fingering Orgasms
The cool thing about fingering is that you have a lot of control over what sort of orgasm you can provide. If you want a more intimate, love making experience, do it slow and steady. The intensity of your finger motion should be determined by the receiver. Never behave aggressive unless asked to do so. Be intentional with where you place your fingers and how much pressure you use when touching the vagina. Be sure to keep your knuckles as flat as possible so that you are not bruising the soft tissue of the vulva.
Body Language Baby
Let’s say you are with someone who is not too verbal in expressing their needs, recognizing some common body language can guide you both to their orgasm.
Image by Saulius Rozanas from Pixabay
Any sort of flinching means; stop whatever you are doing. Don’t think it will fix itself on the next stroke, stop, readjust and then move forward. However, if a person scoots closer to you, causing your fingers to go deeper, arches their back, moans/groans, or squirms they want you to continue whatever it is that your doing or even increase the intensity. Now is a great time to play with the amount of pressure you use. Try different speeds and depths. Talk to your mate and find out what works best for them and then sit back and watch the fireworks.
#Keepitsexy #Yourresponsibleforyourownorgasm
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Hello! My name is Debra Shade. Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert. I specialize in orgasms. As an orgasm coach, I help individuals and couples to overcome barriers to their best sexual experience. It’s fulfilling work. I also travel the US presenting or teaching at expos, seminars, conferences and festivals. I am excited to have this opportunity to write about something that I absolutely love, my new column: Orgasm Tips by D Shade. I want you to know that there are many methods to an orgasm. Having a few in your toolbox will be very beneficial to you and your mate(s). I want to use my column to give you tips, advice and facts about orgasms that will help you achieve your best sexual experience.
Gushing. Squirting. Female ejaculation. Whatever you call it, I’m baffled by why there’s so little information there is about it, and the information I have found ranges from doubtful to misinformed (see Wikipedia) to downright crazy (it’s ancient?).
Personally, I’ve only gushed a relative handful of times, and only with my current lover.
This past weekend, it happened three times in the same session. All we could think was, “Wow!”
Having gushed like that and only having gushed with him, I didn’t know anyone I could ask besides him how common it is. He said it’s only happened with two other women, and that one of them could do it on demand. (I really didn’t want to hear that exact detail, but I did ask.)
Female Ejaculation – How Does It Happen?
Image by InspiredImages from Pixabay
I wish I could say how and why it happens to me. I really can’t. I can’t will it to happen emotionally or physically like I can when I orgasm. I can’t feel a specific buildup like I do when I come, although it does come at times of extremely intense arousal and when my lover is making contact with my G-spot with his fingers or his cock. A gush of hot, watery, clear fluid just blasts out of me and thoroughly drenches him, me and the sheets. I’m not talking about a tiny spot; I’m talking about both of us having to sleep on a pretty large section of the bed that’s soaked well through the sheets and the mattress pad. After it happens, by no means am I mentally or physically drained after I gush.
The Female Ejaculation Whisperer?
I came across one video by a man who purported to be able to teach men how to make their women gush. I’d say he has the technique down, but as a gusher, I can’t say it’s a surefire way. It doesn’t always happen according to his directions, even when our lovemaking is scorching-the-sheets hot.
Female Ejaculation Studies
Image by Comfreak from Pixabay
What blows my mind most is that physicians and other scientists know little about female ejaculation. According to Dr. Laura Berman, “Since 2000, an increasing number of researchers have suggested the liquid may come from the Skene’s glands, which are located on the anterior wall of the vagina around the lower end of the urethra. But the truth is we simply don’t know where ejaculate comes from …”
Excuse me … “We simply don’t know where ejaculate comes from”??? Hell, it sounds as if the medical community isn’t even sure if Skene’s glands exist. The lack of findings and credible explanations I have come across is simply mind-blowing … almost as mind-blowing as gushing three times in less than a half hour … almost as mind-blowing as how I could gush that much and that often yet not gush for months, if not years at a time.
What kind of answer could I expect from my gynecologist? In this day and age, is the female anatomy still that much of a mystery?
At the same time, having gushed the way I did was quite an extraordinary experience for both of us … as was the all the fun that led up to it.
While no orgasm is better than another, Tantric orgasms tend to be more expansive and last longer, while regular orgasms have a peak, then a quick release.
What Are Tantric Orgasms?
Tantric Orgasms are orgasmic states of bliss that can last much longer than one simple climax. The Tantra sexual experience is a leisurely, meditative, expanded pleasure practice, where the goal is not orgasm specifically (although that’s a bonus) but the sensual journey itself. During Tantric pleasure one focuses on the sensations of the body, and moving sexual energy throughout the body to experience states of spiritual enlightenment, transformation, intimacy, connection and healing (including premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and anorgasmia). It is less about performance and more about pleasure, as well as deep intimate connection.
This could be connection and intimacy with oneself, with a partner, with the divine, or with the universal creation energy itself. In a Tantric orgasm state, the duration of each orgasm is expanded, and one can experience multiple orgasms in a row, like waves. For vulva owners, this can include the release of ejaculate, but in penis owners, the goal is to orgasm without ejaculation.
What is a Regular Orgasm?
Most of us are very familiar with a regular orgasm, as it is the most typical type of orgasm most of us experience. In a regular orgasm, pleasure is focused in the genital area (the penis or clitoris) and ends with a quick, intensely pleasurable climax consisting of 8-10 contractions in the pelvic muscle, about 1 second apart.
“Orgasm typically – but not always – results from rhythmic stimulation of body parts with high concentrations of sensory receptors (Komisaruk & Whipple, 2011)… Although orgasm-producing activities are usually focused on the genitals, orgasm is sometimes achieved by stimulating other body parts, and sometimes even through thought alone.”[i]—Study: What is orgasm? A model of sexual trance and climax via rhythmic entrainment, by Adam Safron, MSc. Journal of Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, Volume 6, 2016 – Issue 1.
Stages of Regular & Tantric Orgasms
Masters and Johnson, the famous sex researchers from the 60s, described 4 stages of orgasm. These include:
Excitement
Plateau
Orgasm
Resolution
Here’s a diagram to illustrate the phases of classical single orgasm (regular orgasm) and multiple or prolonged orgasm (Tantric orgasms).
As you can see, in “regular” orgasms the arousal or excitement phase gradually increases over time with stimulation, climbs to a plateau and then climax. Immediately after orgasm, arousal declines rapidly, especially in penis owners.
1. Excitement Phase
During the excitement phase vulva owners have increased vaginal lubrication and penis owners get a boner.
2. Plateau Phase
During the plateau phase, vaginas become engorged with blood, and some penises may leak pre-cum, a clear, viscous fluid. People also experience an increase in heart rate and respiration.
3. Orgasm Phase
Here we reach the point of no return, typically an 8-10 second climax.
4. Resolution Phase
In resolution phase, the body relaxes and experiences a drop in blood pressure, breathing slows and most people feel like rolling over and going to sleep or cuddling.
So, regular orgasm is rather like climbing a mountain where you enjoy the peak for a short time, then come crashing down the other side.
Full-Body Extended Tantric Orgasms
It is commonly believed that only vulva owners can experience full-body, extended orgasms. But, penis owners can as well, if they learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation, which are two distinct processes, even though it feels like one.
With NEO (non-ejaculatory orgasms) the orgasm is circulated throughout the body instead of ejaculating through the penis. There is no refractory time in between orgasms. In this way, men or penis owners can become multi-orgasmic. Vulva owners can experience ejaculation during multiple and extended orgasms as the refractory phase is much shorter and they are able to hold arousal longer.
Full-body extended orgasms are not necessarily one long orgasm, although some may feel this way, but a series of peaks with quick pause in between, as pictured in the image (Multiple and Prolonged Orgasm).
How to Experience Tantric Orgasms
Photo by Dima Valkov from Pexels
If you want to experience Tantric orgasms via masturbation, remember that this type of practice (and, yes, it is a practice and takes practice) is not a sprint to the finish line, but rather a series of techniques that take time to explore at a leisurely pace.
Focus on the Breath:
When you focus on the breath during sex or masturbation it allows you to slow down or speed up the various phases of orgasm. Quick “fire” breathing stimulates and can cause arousal to heighten more quickly, whereas, slowing the breath can prolong arousal, leading to longer orgasms. For penis owners this means you can prolong arousal without ejaculation, which is great if you experience premature ejaculation. For women who may have a hard time reaching orgasm, a quick “fire” breath can help build arousal to orgasm.
Pumping the Hips & Kegels:
As you self-pleasure, rock your hips as you lay on your back, squeezing your PC muscle (kegels) and releasing in a regular rhythm. Continue to focus on the breath with each squeeze as well. This will build sexual energy and help circulate it throughout the body.
Pleasure Touch:
Don’t only focus on the genitals during this practice. As you stimulate the clitoris, also, do vulva massage and g-spot massage to stimulate different areas. Include breast massage and touching yourself all over with feather-light touch. This goes for penis owners as well. Massage the balls, the perineum, ass cheeks, and other sensitive areas of the skin.
Visualize the Energy:
Visualize the sexual energy rising from the genitals and moving up the front of the body going through the chakras, then coming back down the back (spine) of the body in a microcosmic orbit. This also helps to circulate the sexual energy for a more expanded pleasure and orgasm.
Teasing and Edging:
With edging you tease your body with pleasure until just before orgasm, then back off (pause or stop) reducing stimulation while taking long deep breaths. Once you have allowed your arousal to lessen a bit, you can touch yourself in other areas for about 30 seconds to a minute, then build the stimulation and arousal back up again, using the techniques above. Then pause, and reduce stimulation once again, then resume more intense stimulation. Continue this for as long as you can stand, over and over. When you finally go over the edge, you will experience a much more powerful and extended orgasm. Penis owners may experience their erections softening, then hardening again, which is natural and will not interfere with orgasm.
NEO: Non-Ejaculatory Tantric Orgasms:
In Tantric sex, NEO are orgasms without ejaculation for penis owners. This can be experienced by practicing the microcosmic orbit, a technique made popular by Mantak Chia in The Multi-Orgasmic Man.
“By practicing semen retention, you can learn to move that sexual, orgasmic energy through your body so you feel the sensation of having an orgasm without actually ejaculating. This technique will help you transmute the urge to ejaculate into a rush of full-body orgasmic energy.”—Tantric Educator, Psalm Isadora MindBodyGreen.[ii]
Valley Tantric Orgasms:
If peak orgasms are regular orgasms or “tension and release” orgasms, then valley orgasms are the opposite and happen when you slow down and relax. “Rather than tensing around it and focusing it in the genitals, we soften the body around the arousal.”[iii] This allows the pleasure and sensation to spread over the entire body and not just be localized to the genital region, which in turn can produce a more “expanded” orgasmic experience. This type of relaxing, or “softening” of the body can be done at any time, not only during sex or self-pleasure, which allows for an orgasmic state of being with no beginning and no end. Rather than living life “desensitized” we re-sensitize the body to experience orgasmic states at any time, or even all the time. How far out and amazing is that?
Sound Off:
Making sounds during sexual pleasure (moaning, load breathing and ah-breath exhales) helps bring sexual energy up the body to open the throat chakra (which is energetically connected to the vulva, vagina and pelvic floor), thus circulating the energy and aiding in extending your orgasm as well as experiencing multiple orgasms. Using lower-pitched sounds direct energy down the body toward the genitals, and using higher pitched sounds moves energy upward towards the throat.
Do it Again:
Once you have achieved orgasm (in penis owners this will not include ejaculation), get back on that horse and ride it a gain. In other words, enjoy a slight pause, then begin self-stimulation once again, going through all the steps above. This should result in wave after wave of multiple orgasms, with various peaks and valleys that can last anywhere for 1-5 minutes, or even an hour or more. The more you practice the more you will be able to extend your orgasm over time and experience more full-body, expanded and multiple orgasms.
What do Tantric Orgasms Feel Like?
Photo by Lucas Pezeta from Pexels
Everyone will experience their orgasm in their own way, and individuals will experience distinct orgasms at different times.
That said, Annie Sprinkle has described various types of expanded orgasm including the regular “tension and release” type orgasm, that is localized on the body such as clitoral, penis, nipple-gasms, micro-orgasms (sneeze-gasms, cellular-gasms, goosebumps aka orgabumps), dream-gasms, g-spot and cervical orgasms, breath and energy orgasms, combination-gasms or combination orgasms (both clitoral and g-spot), and finally megagasms which she describes as “the volcano or tsunami of all orgasms” which is “an intense fully body experience… that lasts an extended length of time.”[iv]
Other people have described Tantric orgasms as spiritual, feels like waves of pleasure going through the body, tingling all-over, especially the extremities (fingers and toes), contractions in the body, especially the genitals, rhythmical and voluntary movement, energy rushing up from the genitals to shoot out of the crown chakra, a release of tension, the release of hormones and neurochemicals (dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin and vasopressin), feelings of being “high”, orgasmic auras as well as visual and auditory hallucinations, loss of control, altered states of consciousness, trance states, ecstasy, expansion of the mind/body/spirit, connection to Source, release of emotions (laughter, giggling, crying), feeling as if you are in an expanded space and pure bliss!
What are the Benefits of Tantric Orgasms?
Why would one want to experience Tantric orgasms? The most obvious reason is more pleasure and stronger, longer lasting orgasms.
But here are some other benefits as well:
Altered states of consciousness, expansion of the mind, and feelings of being high.
Extended periods of orgasmic states of being.
Connection to spirit, Source, nature, the cosmos and universe.
Greater intimacy with your lover or yourself.
Improve relationships with your partner.
Greater self-love and body awareness/ acceptance.
Less stress, reduces anxiety, more relaxation, being less triggered by emotions, better sleep, fights off depression.
Increased blood flow to keep the genitals and body health, improving cardiovascular health and the heart’s function.
Increased feel-good hormones and natural pain relievers such as dopamine and serotonin to reduce headaches, menstrual cramps, aches and chronic back pain.
Happier, calmer, feeling good.
Aids concentration, creativity, and greater brain activity, and improves mental health.
Better health: Masturbation improves the immune system’s function, by increasing testosterone into the body to help the flow of the hormone DHEA, which reportedly helps reduce the signs of aging, reduces symptoms of menopause, reduces obesity, and may help reduce the risk of osteoporosis in older women by increasing bone mass, and boosts immunity.
Erotic hypnosis is the practice of hypnotizing someone for the purposes of sexual arousal, erotic stimulation, and even to achieve orgasm (or mindgasms or hands free orgasms), by creating extremely intense erotic experiences of pleasure inside the mind without the stimulation of the physical body. While erotic hypnosis is not generally designed to be therapeutic, it certainly can be. Erotic hypnosis can also be used as a guided masturbation journey aka: “jerk off instructions”.
Wikipedia says that, “Some erotic hypnosis is practiced in the context of BDSM relationships and communities, and is an example of a sexual fetish or paraphilia.” —Wikipedia
What are the Advantage of Erotic Hypnosis?
Believe it or not, erotic hypnosis has many benefits and can be therapeutic, as mentioned above. Erotic hypnosis can:
Help you unwind and relax the body and the mind
Relieve stress and clear your mind of unwanted clutter
The more relaxed you are the easier it is to open to pleasure and experience more pleasure
Get into altered states of consciousness
Reprogram your subconscious to remove limiting beliefs
Becoming hypnotized and suggestible is a wonderful way for a listener to hyperdrive his libido. Those who enjoy drifting into hypnotic trance discover just how effective it is in clearing the mind of those cluttering runaway thoughts and letting your mind just follow the directions of the hypnotist.
Hypnosis and hypnotherapy are excellent ways to rid the subconscious mind of blocks and obstacles placed within it during childhood or difficult life experiences enabling the listener to change undesirable attitudes and habits into desirable ones. But, what about the use of hypnosis as a tool to encourage and stimulate arousal, to experience the mind’s capabilities under hypnosis for sexual experiences and discovery?
Yes, it can be as good as it sounds and there is an ever-growing community who enjoy drifting into the sleepy surrender of hypnosis to find what turns them on and to discover their “hypnokinks”.
So, You Might be Thinking What’s the Point?
I’ll watch a little porn, toss one off and go to bed. But what if you opened your mind a little bit, gave up some of your usual control and listened without expectation to a voice and dialogue designed to arouse you? Falling into a hypnotic trance can activate specific reactions deep inside of you and you wake to discover just how horny you have become during the process.
The Journey into Erotic Trance is Very Good for You
Life is challenging and stressful. The ever-expanding abilities of technology increase our daily workloads and more is expected to be completed in the average workday. In addition, we are bombarded with news and opinions from our ever-growing link with social media. To remain healthy and balanced, it is important to find a quiet space, let it all go, to learn to quiet the mind and enjoy a little relief from the daily heightened stimulation and negativity. Hypnosis is similar to meditation in that the goal is to quiet the mind enabling it to release thoughts and simply slow down and become clear, to focus on the speaker and journey inward for a while. A wonderful byproduct of clearing the mind is the body becomes relaxed.
The eventual goal of the hypnotist is to bypass the conscious mind and speak directly to the subconscious mind and discover your individual “sexy” and build upon it.
The Difference Between Erotic Hypnosis and Clinical Hypnosis
Erotic hypnosis differs from clinical hypnosis in that the restrictions of sentence structure in clinical hypnosis do not exist. We erotic hypnotists can just say what we want, straight speak, without worry of using negative words such as can’t, don’t, won’t. The hard rules of hypnotherapy’s use of language are disregarded in the creation of erotic hypnosis.
Erotic hypnosis is not generally designed to be therapeutic (although it can be). It’s enjoyed to reach a state of euphoria and feel really good afterward or to be aroused. Depending on the suggestibility of the listener, the level of arousal can be extremely intense and can create experiences of pleasure inside the mind without the stimulation of the physical body.
Erotic Hypnosis for Hands-Free Orgasms!
There is a phenomenon known as a “hands-free” orgasm in which the listener experiences a pleasurable mind-produced orgasm (a mindgasm) and some are able to experience this mental orgasm complete with ejaculation. All of this is accomplished through the use of suggestion. The subconscious mind is extremely powerful and a good hypnotist can make you come with words alone, but you must let it happen and be open and receptive to the idea.
No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do or think you can’t do, even if you’ve seen it happen on television.
Ejaculation is Necessary for Good Sexual Health
Have you ever thought about a sexy hypnotist telling you exactly how to do it? Another genre used in erotic hypnosis is the acronym JOI which stands for “jerk off instructions” otherwise known as guided masturbation. An erotic hypnotist can elevate your arousal level using the increased suggestibility found in a hypnotic trance state. The suggestions to heighten your physical response during masturbation are extremely effective under hypnosis and you simply respond more intensely. Many individuals have trained their minds to stay inside the hypnotic trance even after ejaculation.
Your Increased Suggestibility Leads to More Intense Orgasms
Another popular use of erotic hypnosis is to increase the listener’s arousal level so when one exits hypnosis, your arousal switch has been flipped on. “You are getting very horny” simplifies this type of suggestion, but, erotic hypnosis sessions can definitely create a heightened arousal level for you to discover when you wake again.
Want to Get Turned on Before Partner Sex?
This is an excellent way to make it happen. Or even better yet, learn how to hypnotize your partner and engage in this very intimate exchange together. Hypnosis makes for great sex.
Many Subjects Become Aroused by Simply Being Hypnotized
A “hypnofetishist” is an individual whose kink is being hypnotized deeply. There is great freedom in surrendering yourself to a hypnotist for a period of time and the experience itself can be highly arousing to certain individuals. Deep trance feels good and enjoying a space in time where nobody has demands on you can be very relaxing, de-stressing and arousing. Listening to a sexy voice doesn’t hurt the libido either. Just let go and see what pops up!
Find A Certified Erotic Hypnotist
There are many educated, knowledgeable erotic hypnotists out there catering to many different erotic tastes and styles. If erotic hypnosis sounds like fun to you, go out there and see what’s available. Have fun and find that one hypnotist that attracts or resonates with you. But, find someone you can trust with your mind. It’s not something you want to give away freely. Do your homework. Read the reviews. Check out their credentials.
Go get horny by hypnosis, but be safe in doing so!
Mistress Carol Credentials: Mistress Carol is a certified hypnotist and clinical hypnotherapist. She has been creating erotic hypnosis sessions for nine years. She is known for her erotic creativity and professionalism, sexy voice and her natural seductive style. In addition to creating erotic hypnosis recordings, Mistress Carol is also a practicing hypnotherapist in her community. Listen to her sexy erotic hypnosis sessions at EroticHypnosisForMen.com.
The same can be said about the delivery of cunnilingus.
Oral sex is usually done for foreplay. I tell people that foreplay should involve the erogenous zones and oral sex is an act itself. The more you “warm” up your mate to the sexual experience you can provide, the better the results.
Mistress Carol Credentials: Mistress Carol is a certified hypnotist and clinical hypnotherapist. She has been creating erotic hypnosis sessions for nine years. She is known for her erotic creativity and professionalism, sexy voice and her natural seductive style. In addition to creating erotic hypnosis recordings, Mistress Carol is also a practicing hypnotherapist in her community. Listen to her sexy erotic hypnosis sessions at 
