Saturday, December 21, 2024

Romance Your Lady: A Guide from the Feminist Sexpert

Image courtesy of Anna Shvets at Pexels

Many menfolk often complain that their ladies spend way too much time with their noses in romance books. Well, Dudes, the Feminist Sexpert has some news for ya! It’s not their noses you have to worry about–indeed, ladies tend to read romance novels in an effort to stimulate their hearts and lady parts. So if you’d prefer that she focus on you, and not the perpetually pouty and sublimely stacked male model on the cover of Pulsating Passions (Part Five), follow these helpful suggestions–coming straight from a published romance author celebrating a decade in the biz–woohoo!


1. Read her books yourself. And make them come to life. I know. Pulsating Passions (Part Five) does not occupy the top of your TBR List. Yet a look through the pages of her favorite romance books equals a look into her wildest fantasies. So if she favors a particular type of romance–and more specifically–a particular type of hero–then study and embody the fantasy. Does she favor bad boy billionaires? Put on your best suit and whisk her away for a weekend at a resort–one that comes complete with lavish meals, dancing, and prezzies–lotsa prezzies! Does she prefer bad boy bikers? Put on the pleathers and whisk her off for a ride on your engine (tasteless pun fully intended). Does she like rock stars? Dust off the karaoke machine and the tight pants. Does she like vampires, pirates or princes? Visit the costume and props store–dress up, set a scene in your bedroom, and invite her to live the dream.

2. Play dress up. OK, Dude–how many times has she donned that darned cheerleader uniform for your benefit? You’ll really make her cheer if you ditch the spaghetti-stained boxers and opt for a G-string, kilt, loincloth, or whatever strikes her fancy. Yep, I said loincloth.

3. Dance sexy. Ladies love a man who can dance. So whether you stage a sexy striptease for an audience of one, or sweep her across your back porch in a scintillating tango, you are sure to dance your way into her heart-and all those all-important other parts! If you need some pointers, take a class or two at a local dance studio, or check out flicks like Magic Mike, Dirty Dancing, and A Night in Heaven for guidance.

4. Spiff up your look. Let’s face it; so many women get up at ungodly hours so they can do their hair and makeup, dressing their best–both for their jobs and for their partners.  And so many men shower, shave, then say, “I’m good!” Um, nope–if you want your lady to look good for you, then repay the favor by getting a salon haircut and buying a few new suits. Hit the gym, maybe buy some skin lotions and cologne. It won’t kill ya, and she’ll love the results.

 5. Be more particular about porn. Unless you really want your lady to torch your DVD player and run from the room summoning her divorce lawyer on speed dial, do not show her any pornographic production involving baby-sitters, stepdaughters, hookers, or stepdaughter hookers who moonlight as baby-sitters. Opt instead for classy, romantic flicks that appeal to the desires of female viewers. Perhaps something from Sssh.Com, Blush Erotica, Lust Films, Afterglow, Bellessa House, Blue Artichoke, Foreplay Films, etc.

6. Ask her her fantasies. And make them come to life in your bedroom. Well, get to it! And tell her the Feminist Sexpert sent ya.

Feminist Sexpert Interview: Ms. Naughty

Award Winning Erotic Filmmaker: Ms. Naughty

A pioneer and top creator in the field of feminist pornography, Ms. Naughty is a winner of multiple Feminist Porn Awards and was named an Indie Porn Icon in 2017. This amazing lady is also, as I can attest, a fantastic promoter and supporter of other female creators in the business. Long renowned as a writer, critic and webmistress in the feminist adult industry, she is now the owner and director at the amazing Bright Desire films–a revolutionary indie/couples studio poised to celebrate a decade in the business.

The Feminist Sexpert is proud to profile a premiere Feminist Pornographer: Ms. Naughty!

 

Feminist Sexpert: First I would like to say, Bravo! I loved my visit to Bright Desire and loved all of the clips, with Tease and Linger ranking among my favorites. As with other films of yours that I’ve seen, the clips were sensual, poetic and not at all vulgar. I felt naughty but not dirty after watching. Is this the formula that you strive to achieve with every scene?


Ms. Naughty: I’ve always wanted to portray sex in a positive way. I find that a lot of porn has a really negative vibe to it. When you watch it, you’re left feeling uneasy or maybe “mentally turned off”. So I’ve made an effort to avoid that. I want to show people sharing intimacy, interacting in positive, joyful ways. In my films people don’t “do” sex to each other in a competitive or negative way, they *have* sex together. It’s about a shared experience. Even in situations with power play, there’s respect for everyone. Nobody has to be the loser in my films. I’m big on showing consent and communication before and during sex.

And it’s really important to show a less serious side – the laughter, the mistakes, the less-than-glamourous moments. Because that’s what sex is like. It’s supposed to be fun.

Tease, a Bright Desire film

Feminist Sexpert: You’ve worn so many hats in the adult industry–reviewer, webmistress, writer, filmmaker. What first drew you to the industry, and what inspired you to make your own adult films?

Ms. Naughty: I was originally writing articles for an Australian women’s porn magazine and found my way into the online industry in 2000. I’ve always been interested in sex from a feminist perspective and this has informed everything I’ve done over the last 21 years. I always wanted to show female pleasure and show a woman’s perspective of sexuality. This was almost non-existent when I started out. Over the years I’ve expanded my philosophy and learned from others which is why I’ve included a more diverse range of perspectives and people in my porn. But as a straight cis woman I’ve always been keen on making a space online for women like me. We’re still ignored or misunderstood by the industry.

When I started out, I was working with photos and erotic fiction. I started making my own films in 2009 because the internet had moved into video and it was time to move with it. Being in Australia meant it was a lot harder to get started in this area, otherwise I would have done it sooner. It was a steep learning curve for me. I took a weekend filmmaking course, got some tips from a friend in the industry and just went from there. I was very much making it up as I went along. It’s only ever been me and my husband doing the work. We’re very low-budget, very DIY. I’m pretty proud to have won so many awards, given that we’re not a major production company.

Linger, a Bright Desire film

Feminist Sexpert: I recently shared my column with you about the need for more beefcake porn for women–and in your films, you cast gorgeous, sensitive actors like Ryan James and Parker Marx. What criteria do you look for in your male stars, and do you strive to spotlight or highlight the male form in your scenes?

Ms. Naughty: It’s always tricky casting male performers because of the “penis problem”. You usually need guys who are able to be erect and comfortable in a room with other people and cameras. It’s not easy – and kudos to every guy who does it. Not every scene I’ve done has required it, of course, but it is something you have to be aware of. Beyond that, I like to work with male performers who are in tune with my feminist philosophy. I want to know they’re on board with what we’re doing. I’ve received thousands of emails from men who are just keen to turn up and fuck. But I need male performers who are more enlightened and open to ideas. It also helps if they can act… but there’s ways of setting up scenes where that’s not vital.

I’ve shot a lot of real-life couples and usually I make sure the female partner is totally on board and comfortable with the shoot before I go ahead. She calls the shots. So in those cases, I’m not choosing the male partner according to how they look. It’s all about the couple and their needs.

In terms of shooting, I like to give equal camera time to the male and female form. Too often porn will cut the guy’s head out of the frame and focus only on the woman. I won’t do that. I want to show the audience what he’s feeling as well. And when I’ve shot films that do focus on the male form, I take a holistic approach. It’s not just about his cock. It’s about his face, his muscles, the tiny movements of his toes, everything. I’ve shot male solo masturbation films with voiceovers because I want to both admire their body and also get an idea of who they are, even as we’re watching a very intimate moment.


Trinity, a Bright Desire film


Feminist Sexpert: From my interactions with you over the years, you are always one of the most approachable and helpful adult industry professionals, particularly in support of other women. And if anything, I would like to see more networking and support among female content creators and performers. What are your thoughts?

Ms. Naughty: When I started out in 2000 there was a group of female webmasters who were very supportive of newcomers and we all promoted each others’ sites. I was so very grateful for that and I’ve tried to pay it forward. I’ve always felt that we’re better off supporting each other, even though we may be commercially competing. The industry is still male dominated and still caters to men so it’s useful for women, nb and queer producers and performers to network and communicate. We can collectively make a bigger space for ourselves by helping each other out. And also, our perspectives are all different, we all have something new or interesting to offer. The more choices women producers and performers offer, the better it serves the audience.


Spider Woman, a Bright Desire Film


Feminist Sexpert: Bright Desire will celebrate its 10th anniversary next year. What does the future hold for this amazing studio?

Ms. Naughty: Covid has put a dampener on production for a lot of the adult industry and we haven’t been able to make new films for a while. I’m hoping to change that in the future, once we can reliably travel (although the vaccine rollout here in Australia is a disaster so who knows when that will be). In the meantime I’ve been featuring the work of other producers whose films fit with the vibe of Bright Desire. I’m also looking at taking amateur couples self-filmed submissions sometime in 2021. Everyone has an amazing camera in their pocket now and this means we can see many more perspectives and ideas and sexualities.

PS: Links are NSFW!


The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Holly Corbella – Parties By Bellas

Businesswoman Holly Corbella is a first-time nominee for the XBIZ Awards, featured in the category of Retail & distribution – home party company of the year for her amazing company PARTIES BY BELLAS. This fun, vivacious woman has turned Girls’ Nights In into an art–which makes her a prime candidate for a Feminist Sexpert Interviews profile!

FS: What first inspired you to get into the pleasure products industry?

HC: It was not something I ever thought about actually. I wanted to have some fun with my girlfriends so I hosted a girls night in. The party was a huge hit and the lady asked me if I wanted to join so I said sure I’m up for that challenge. It was an amazing 3 years working for passion parties then they unfortunately closed. I was devastated and so was my team. We had 7 days to decide to move over to the company that bought passion parties or cancel our consultant ids. As a team we decided to move over to the new company as we loved The little family we created. It was completely different, so many rules to learn and ways of doing things. Two weeks into the new company I was fired. I hosted a couples party which I was told later on was against the rules. I didn’t know at the time as this was a party I had previously booked. I was told when starting with the new company we had 30 days to complete previously booked partied and transition to the new company. I hosted a mini pity party for myself for about two or three days not being able to leave the house. Then people started to reach out and tell me to start my own business. This was never something I had previously thought of and well the rest is history.

FS: What inspired you to start your own company, and how do you go about it?

HC: My inspiration to start parties by Bellas was my customers, family and fiends. My support system is why parties by Bellas is in Business today. I am truly honored and grateful for all the amazing people in my life. I took my anger and all the sadness I had about losing my business with another company and decided to make a positive spin. I was going to start my own company the way that I wanted it to be!! I was under a one year noncompete so during that time I slowly put together my business. I took online business courses which was some thing that I’ve never done before. I was researching all types of adult products and all sorts of other companies. I just wanted to see what was out there and what was out there and what was missing. From that I started my little family a company that is consultant friendly.

3

FS: The toy domain is one arena of the adult industry in which women hold great power. How do you feel this industry has inspired women?

HC: It feels great as a women to be taking control of my life and my sexuality. I think it takes a strong women to open a business let alone a sex related business. I absolutely love meeting other like minded women and helping them to grow their careers with me. This industry is a great career for women not just because let’s face it Sex is going no where so we never have to worry about that and if covid taught me anything I am an essential worker when everything is shut down lol. Also from my experience unlike any other field I have belonged to these women I have met in the “sex industry” are not ones to tip toe around things they express how they feel. They are having as much fun as I am so the positive vibes surround us. We all help each other to grow and it’s just a great industry to be a part of. We stick together.

FS: How do you feel the party format promotes toy sales? How do you feel that it promotes female bonding?

HC: I feel in-home adult parties is the best way for a woman to find an adult product that is perfect for her. She is able to see the item an how it works before purchasing it. It’s also in a comfortable atmosphere either by herself or surrounded by friends who might have some inside perspective to add to the conversation.Talking about sex is one of the hardest things for people to do. I’ve been told at my parties because I am so open and comfortable about this particular subject it makes partygoers feel comfortable talking about things that they’ve never felt comfortable talking about before. This then brings the women who are at the party together opening up about their most secret of thoughts. Now creating a bond only they will have with each other.

FS: I understand that you’ve been nominated for an XBiz Award? Tell me about it!

HC: Yes, I have been nominated for a XBIZ award! I am beyond excited about this as this will be the first time for me. I was nominated in the category for best in-home parties. I know everyone says that just being nominated is enough and it doesn’t matter if I win. Of course I want to win but this nomination for me made me have my “I made it” moment. I’m up against companies that have been around much longer than parties by Bellas and have many more consultants. Parties By Bellas is still very much seen as a small business as we are just under 30 STRONG.

FS: What are some of your favorite products that you offer, and what are your product categories?

HC: It’s really hard to pick just a few items. I do love our new Bellas kick ass self defense line. I feel it’s very important for a women to be able to feel dave and be able to protect herself. As for the adult line I’d have to say my favorite sex toys are on my website under hollys picks. Just too many to list.

Parties by Bella’s is not just a sex toy company. Yes we have a great selection of sex toys but we have an array of other items such as; self-defense Products, Bath and body items, CBD, Pet products, sexual enhancement items and much more.

FS: How can people learn more about your business? List all relevant websites, social media, etc.

HC: How to connect: I am also a sex life and business coach. I also own an event planning company.

Website: www.partiesbybellas.com
Email: [email protected]
Facebook: Holly’s Parties By Bellas
Facebook: Bellas wedding & event planning
Facebook: Bella Lady Boss Life & Business Coaching
IG: Parties By Bellas

Beauty and Power: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Lily Craven

 

One of the favorite parts of the Feminist Sexpert’s job is profiling some of the most powerful and brightest women in the adult industry; and our latest guest most certainly fills that description. Beautiful Lily Craven is bringing back the glamour of the classic adult star, and also the power and grace. The Feminist Sexpert is proud to interview actress, radio show host and content creator Lily Craven!

FS: Although diverse in concept, your scene work seems to share one common link: Your characters, ranging from the mother-in-law to the policewoman, are always very strong and in charge. Is it important to you to reflect a strong image in your films?

LC: I have not always felt strong and in control. I realized, playing a character has its advantages. I can be whoever I want to be. I admire strong, self-confident women. So that is the role I began to play. Over time, I have grown into my character and become more like her. I’m not the woman I was when I started, that’s for sure. There is truth is the saying, “fake it until you make it.” I am an example that proves it really works.

In the industry, it was important for me to portray a strong, assertive woman on film. I felt a though it would be a barrier off sorts. I wanted it to tell others, don’t mess with me. It was my attempt at protecting myself.

FS: More and more in porn, we’re seeing beautiful women of all ages. How important is it to promote the MILF image in adult?

LC: It is especially important to keep the MILF image going strong because that’s what the fans and followers want. Let’s admit it. Everybody loves a MILF! I believe the MILF image symbolizes a woman’s accomplishments once they hit the stage in their lives when the children are grown, and the focus is no longer on the household.

The MILF begins exploring herself, including her sexuality. Quite often, a MILF has suppressed her sexuality to conform to society’s “mother” mold… I think promoting the MILF category is honoring that woman for her accomplishments and allowing her the freedom to be sexy and free spirited.

FS: As we discussed on your fab radio show, Phone Sex with Lily, you and I both had something to prove when we came into the industry. Please tell my readers the story of your introduction into the business!

LC: My story into the industry begins with a cheating spouse. When I was married, I felt as though I was the happiest, I had ever been in my life until I discovered it was all fake. Little did I know, the husband I adored, had been carrying on numerous affairs. When I discovered the infidelity, I was devastated. That devastation soon turned into anger. And then came the overwhelming urge to get revenge. I wanted justice. I wanted to stand up for myself. I considered fucking his friends or a family member, but then it would become all about me and the fact that “I did it too.” I realized he married me to make him look good on the outside. I was his trophy wife.

I decided to become his idea of the ultimate woman, which was a pornstar.

I enrolled in college and started selling content out of my inbox on Facebook to make ends meet. When I caught FB ban and could not sell for 90 days, a customer introduced me to webcam modeling on a site called Chaturbate. I did very well from the start.

At this point, my self-esteem and self-worth were at an all time low. My ex-husband managed to turn my family on me as well. Talk about a double whammy! Webcamming started building my confidence and the fans helped build back my self-worth. They told me I was beautiful and that I mattered. I don’t know how I would’ve done it without them. I am forever grateful. That is how I got started at 40 years old, in the adult industry. I would’ve never imagined my life going in the direction it has gone. Life is quite the adventure, isn’t it?

FS: I had so much fun as a guest on your radio show, Phone Sex with Lily. Tell my readers all about your new show!

LC: “Phone Sex with Lily Show” began after I was asked to stand in and host the K97FM Radio pornstar interviews. These interviews were extremely boring and dry to me. It was not my guests that made it boring but me who was not bringing anything unique or special to the table. I stepped back and thought, I need to create a visual for my listeners and what sells? Sex sells! Then it hit me. Phone Sex!

Currently, I interview talent in front of and behind the camera. I kick off each episode by having phone sex with my guest. As you can imagine, the industry has a lot of characters and personalities. Surprisingly, no one has tried to buck the system by not participating. It has been a lot of fun for my guests, the listeners, and myself.

FS: I know that we both have high standards when it comes to the treatment of women in porn. Are there certain things that you won’t do in scenes?

LC: When I first started, there was a list of things that I would not do. I was very vanilla and did not consider anything outside of the box. It has taken time, but I have performed beyond my expectations. The reason I have pushed my boundaries is not because of the pressure of the industry to do so. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. The reason I have pushed my boundaries is because the industry producers and talent have made me comfortable enough to do so. I have never been pressured on a set to perform anything that I was not comfortable with.

One boundaries that I have stuck to is, I will not allow myself to be humiliated on camera. I will not play the role of a submissive at that level.

FS: How do you think we can work to protect and represent women in the industry?

LC: I believe my contribution to women in the industry would be to educate the new talent coming in. Making them aware of the scammers and empowering them with the knowledge of who and where to turn if they have questions. I wish I had a “go to” person in the industry when I started. I could have avoided learning things the hard way. Most of us are self-taught. With that being said, we do a lot of trial and error. Established Talent, often, are willing to help a newbie. Please, reach out to me or someone in the industry. At minimal, we can point you in the right direction.

FS: You love to stay connected with your fans. List your chat and site links!

If you are looking for interaction with me while purchasing content or if you want to set up a live chat play date, I can be reached directly on https://Facebook.com/lily.craven40

If you prefer clip sites https://lilycraven.manyvids.com

For my faithful VIP followers https://LilyCravenxxx.com

If you want to see me perform on live webcam https://chaturbate.com/lily40

And last, please catch my new radio show “Phone Sex with Lily Show” every Wednesday 6pm PST, 7pm MST 8pm CST, 9pm EST, exclusively on https://K97FMRadio.com/phone-sex-with-lily

FS: Which are your more recent and favorite of your scenes?

LC: Most recently I traveled to Miami to shoot for BlushErotica.com. I was matched with a new young male talent named Milan. When he walked in the room, I thought to myself, somebody really loves me because Milan was Hubba Hubba Hot! It was an intense scene because we had great chemistry. Also, I stepped outside my norm and took on the submissive role a couple times and I loved it!

Then, Megan sends me an email to inform me she is the writer BlushErotica.com assigned to write the voice over for my scene with Milan. As you can imagine, I am thrilled! I know this is going to be incredibly sexy and steamy! I can hardly wait! That will be coming soon on BlushErotica.com .

+++

FS: It was an honor to write for this amazing lady–and to bring her here to you. Now listen to me on her fabulous show: Phone Sex with Meagan Hussey – Phone Sex With Lily Show | Podcast on Spotify

The Feminist Sexpert Remembers the Man of the Year: On Beefcake, Pancakes, and Growing Up

Nov. 7 would have marked the birthday of Dirk Shafer–a man who, sadly, did not live to see it. The director, model, writer and fitness expert passed away in 2015.
I never knew Dirk–but when Young Feminist Sexpert was in college and a devoted reader of Playgirl magazine, he counted among my top crushes. Dirk was Man of the Year!
A George Michael lookalike who also wrote for the magazine, Dirk seemed in many ways to be a like-minded soul–one who, like myself, had an interest in writing, movies, acting, and, well, sex. Duh! Among my favorite Dirk-stinctions was the striptease that was photographed step by step for the pages of Playgirl, and his declaration that he liked to work the PG phone sex line because he loved to relieve the stress of a woman’s day through verbal and visual stimulation–to get somebody off on a hot, steamy night. Aye, carumba! He also wrote witty articles for Playgirl, talking about his ongoing campaign to promote ERH (Equal Rights for Hunks), and relating a touching story of meeting a fan who–while not conventionally beautiful–dazzled him with her kindness and humor.
And, yeah see, that was really why I liked him. His wit and sensitivity. The flawless abs, penetrating eyes and captivating–um–smile were just a big collective extra. Really. I mean it.
As Man of the Year, Dirk had announced his intention to make a movie about his Playgirl experience. Thrilled at the prospect, I told myself I’d be the first in line to witness this sure to be amazing cinematic opus. And a year or so later, as a newly graduated journalist at a small-town newspaper, I was enjoying a lazy Saturday morning in the bathtub when I heard a news bulletin incoming from a TV in the other room–announced as such on the most credible and relevant news channel that a fledging journalist could watch. E! Entertainment News, of course.
“A former Playgirl Man of the Year has made a movie about his experiences,” he said. “And in the film, he made a startling announcement.”
“He’s gay.”
Um…wut? Surely I got some water and Pantene pooled up in my ears. I did not hear that correctly.
Ah, but it was true. Dirk’s big movie, Man of the Year, concerned the fact that he was indeed homosexual.
No worries. I didn’t try to drown myself in the tub. But I did feel a mixture of emotions that was difficult to describe. A little proud of Dirk for making his dream film, and being open about who he really was. A little sad that he didn’t like girls. A little deceived.
Deceived, not because I have anything against gay people–but because this man had presented himself as a woman’s fantasy lover, and even gave advice on talk shows about what women want. He apparently asked his best female friend to pose as his girlfriend, and his boyfriend to pose as his roommate. He went so far as to agree to a fantasy ‘dream date’ with a magazine contest winner, all the while trying to dump her so he could retreat to his hotel room and be with his boyfriend. Apparently she caught his bf hiding in the shower. Look up the word ‘awkward’ in the dictionary, you’ll probably spot a screen cap of this very scene.
I reflected on my college years, and how–as a sensitive and starstruck 19-year-old–I believed literally everything I read in Playgirl. I read one centerfold interview in which a gorgeous blond said he was single and looking for Ms. Right–when I looked back at his layout a few years later, I noticed for the first time the wedding ring that shone brightly from his hand. Eventually, I saw him and his wife being interviewed on a talk show. He’d already found Ms. Right, and she was the one who’d submitted his photos for consideration to Playgirl. So I guess that, upon initial inspection of his layout, I had been too busy perusing other parts of his anatomy to pay overmuch heed to his darned ring finger.
I also recalled the fact that, while taking a magazine journalism class, I had created a dummy magazine called Real Woman; an anti-fashion magazine devoted to the average, hardworking women of this country. I included a fake article about a male model who preferred ‘real’ women over female models, and illustrated the article with Dirk’s photos.
Well, guess I was half right. He didn’t date female models.
In the months that followed, I shared my feelings with several friends–all of whom had varying reactions. One was out and out ticked, saying that Dirk should have been open about his sexuality from the beginning, thus performing a real service for gay people through his openess, and for women by presenting himself as someone who could be their best friend–someone who wouldn’t objectify them. Others shrugged and said, “He did his job. He provided a fantasy, and–during the time that he was Man of the Year–he gave you something to dream on.”
When Man of the Year was released, I was en route to a Florida vacation with my parents. We stopped at an IHOP before making the next leg of the trip, which would take us through the beautiful city of Atlanta, Ga.
In looking over an issue of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution as I ate, I saw an ad to promote the film. Suddenly my being was flooded by that same odd mishmash of feelings. I still didn’t quite know what to think of all this.
Just then I heard my mother, aka my best friend and the center of my universe, making some odd cooing and gurgling sounds. Concerned that a morsel of pancake had gone sideways down her windpipe, I raised my head to investigate; only to find that she had met an adorable sister diner who was all of about a year old. I joined her in gushing over and admiring this magnificent little human being, sharing a sweet moment with her and both of our mothers.
Then I finished my meal and joined my parents as we drove through downtown Atlanta in the predawn hours–and you know, if you haven’t seen Atlanta all lit up at night like a Christmas tree, the Feminist Sexpert recommends it.
It was then that I had an epiphany of sorts; a revelation that had to do with cherishing the little moments in life, letting go of the past and embracing the joy that you feel here and now, in this moment.
Years later, after relocating to Florida, I was working as a librarian’s assistant (take just a moment to picture The Feminist Sexpert as a librarian. Scary, I know) at a Tampa library when I spotted a schoolbook that featured a cover photo of a very handsome model dressed as a policeman.
Yep, it was Dirk; a man who could boast cover shoots with both Playgirl Magazine and The Kids’ Career Guide. Let’s hear it for career diversity.
I myself ended up working for Playgirl a few years later, as a fan club president, marketing writer and columnist. At that time, both of the stunning Men of the Year that I helped promote, Charles Dera and Niko, went on to be major stars of straight porn.

Yet if I had encountered a gay centerfold, I like to think that I would have treated him with respect and caring.
Dirk Shafer was 52 when he passed–he himself should have had many more special moments in his life. An inscription on his Hollywood grave reads, “Our Man of the Year.”
Upon hearing the news of his passing, I recalled yet another moment from college; the moment that I ventured in to my campus bookstore to buy his Man of the Year issue.
“I’m so reading this for the articles,” I informed the young lady at the checkout, who replied with a grin, “Now don’t hand me that.”
Suddenly every female in the place, be they shopper or employee, surrounded the counter; with one of them pointing to the magazine cover and asking, “Who is that?”
“That,” I replied, “is the Man of the Year.”

A Ray of Light for the Femme Porn Fan: Goodbye Joey Ray

With the dawn of a new century came the dawn of another sort for feminist porn fans; the emergence of a new breed of male porn star. Gorgeous. Young. Seductive. Seemingly custom made to fulfill their wildest fantasies.



Joey Ray, a strapping, muscular, savagely handsome man, was one of those hunks who teased and titillated female viewers with his starring roles in a number of femme porn titles. In fact, in an industry in which few men ‘star’ in much of anything, Ray was the focal centerpiece of the 2006 femme porn staple, Ranch House Lust; a film directed by the brilliant Nina Lennox for the signature femme porn studio known as Inpulse/Lennox Films.

In Ranch House Lust, a western romance, this strapping cowboy presented his perfect body for the female viewer, the camera lingering on him as he made passionate love to his leading ladies. This was a tour de force of beefcake for women’s eyes only.

Ray also appeared in at least four titles produced by Playgirl: Deep Indulgence, Soaked in Sex, Explosive Fantasies and 2 Hot 2 Handle–and as memory serves, it was.

Another look at Ray’s filmography reveals titles from a myriad of couples-oriented studios, films including Women On Top and For Women Only. And while character names such as The Pool Boy may not seem revolutionary to some, it cannot be overstated that Joey Ray (cited as an influence by current leading adult stars like Seth Gamble) played a role in the women’s erotic revolution; a movement that still continues today, as we continue to demand quality erotic films for the female gaze.

Joey Ray was a troubled muse who took his own life last weekend. His passing gave me pause to reflect on a web review I once composed of Ranch House Lust; one that comically referenced another romance involving a cowboy.

“Joey Ray,” I wrote. “I wish I could quit you!”

On second thought–no, I don’t. 

http://suicidehotline.org/

 

tel:1-800-273-8255

 

A Friend to Eve: RIP Phil Harvey

Phil Harvey Adam & Eve Warehouse Expansion Ribbon-Cutting Ceremony

Once upon a time, a rather bashful but infinitely curious college girl and aspiring romance writer–one who thought she’d never care much for porn–saw an ad for a movie in Playgirl magazine that looked too good to resist. They used the man’s image to sell the movie–imagine that–and it actually looked romantic as well as smexy! The movie was released by Adam and Eve, and its title was Hardbound–a hardcore romantic comedy starring Nina Hartley and Dale Dabone, and written by Deborah Chinn.



When she ordered this film, she was told she she’d get a bonus motion picture entitled Party Girl Pick Up.

“Um, I don’t forsee myself enjoying Party Girl Pickup, somehow,” she informed the operator, who helped her find a classy couples feature more in line with what she would enjoy. That film was The Dinner Party, an erotic classic directed by Cameron Grant.



On many an evening, while up late studying, she sat on the phone line with A&E operators, asking for more good porn suggestions and regaling the patient ladies with endless suggestions about how to make better porn for women–all the while assuring them they were on the right track! She’s sure they were most relieved.

Under the leadership of Phil Harvey, who passed away Dec. 3, Adam and Eve was a signature creator and releaser of premiere films for women and couples; releasing Candida Royalle’s landmark masterworks of feminist porn, along with compilation tapes consisting of scenes that showcased the beauty of the male form, created especially for the female viewer. Now directors like Kay Brandt and Jacky St. James and writers like Selena Kitt helm Adam and Eve productions, We ladies owe a real debt of gratitude to Adam and Eve, for finally giving Eve something decent to watch pornwise!

Harvey was also a well-known warrior for free speech and AIDS awareness issues; and often, at the head of Adam and Eve tapes, one would see ceremonious adverts for the Free Speech Coalition, that featured dialogues regarding the importance of free speech–voiced over images of downtown Washington DC and some shots of the Lincoln monument. I often wondered how ol’ Abe would feel about being featured in a porn flick–who knows? He mighta liked it. 

Postscript: A little while later that gal evolved to become the Feminist Sexpert. Thank you, Mr. Phil Harvey.


 

Force of Nature: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Goddess Lilith

If one was to look up the phrase kickass woman in the dictionary, one would probably find a beautiful photo of Goddess Lilith–an esteemed and revolutionary singer on the metal scene who also shines on the adult scene as a woman to be reckoned with–and the Feminist Sexpert reckons that we ladies need to support Lilith as She embarks on yet another leg of Her auspicious musical career.

This award-winning, internationally renowned, and bicoastal Dominatrix, Luxury Mistress and Fetish Model, Certified Life Coach, Reiki Master, and Author Goddess has made a name for Herself as lead singer of the goth metal band Sorrowseed, which rocks audiences around the world–as powered by one of the mightiest and unmistakable female vocalists on today’s music scene.

Now Lilith begins an exciting new phase of Her career as the lead singer of MURTAIR, a heavy metal band ready to release a five-song EP that inspires listeners to thrash with its hard groove and electronic elements. Her fans, slaves, and supporters are encouraged to support the band’s Kickstarter campaign, where funds raised will cover the vocal recording, mixing, and mastering the EP, artwork, printing 250 limited edition EP, digital distribution, and camera rental and location costs to make the music video.

“Murtair is more brutal than Sorrowseed,” She said. “This EP is about taking back what has been taken.”

In essence, though, Goddess Lilith’s music always has told the stories of survival. Demeter’s Reckoning, a cut from the Sorrowseed recording The Extinction Prophecies, tells a tale of ethereal revenge, in which a goddess of the earth and seasons takes vengeance for the abuse of our environment.

“When I think about it, it’s all interconnected,” She said. “The way we treat the environment, the way we treat women. We should take better care of them.”

Lilith is a woman with a lot to say–and She generally sings it. Goddess Lilith is, in fact, a classically trained vocalist who holds a Liberal Arts degree with a focus in dramatic arts from Harvard.

“I’ve been singing since I was a toddler,” reveals Lilith, who plays piano, guitar and other instruments. “I always wanted to imitate my heroes.” These heroes range from Nirvana to Joan Jett.

Goddess Lilith now has many fans of Her own, both in the musical sphere and owing to Her role as a premiere dominatrix.

“I’ve always liked to lead men around on leashes, so why not do it professionally?” She said with a smile. “I’ve always been dominant in my personal life.”

She has graced the pages of Hustler’s Taboo and Malevolent, AltStar, Beckett Online Gamer, ASN Lifestyle, and 420 zine Skunk magazines.

Goddess Lilith has received many accolades, including Footnight International’s Most Captivating and Fascinating and Top Trampler Awards, as well as Best Female Cam Performer at the 2018 and 2019 Fetish Awards, and Fan Favorite Alt Visual Arts Book of the Year from the 2021 AltPorn Awards. She’s also scored numerous nominations from Fetish Awards, Footnight International, AVN Fan Awards, XBIZ Cam Awards, Fleshbot Awards, AltPorn Awards, YNOT Cam Awards, and Fetish Awards.

On-screen work, teaching, and event organizing reign as Her true passions. In 2018, She introduced New England’s first recurring FemDom Event ExaltedFemdom.com and hosts foot worship parties newenglandfootfetishparty.com.

She also enjoys gaming on twitch.tv/LilithAstaroth. Learn more about Her at goddesslilith.com. Buy Goddess Lilith’s eBook How I Make Bank as a Foot Model (And You Can, Too!) on Amazon amazon.com/dp/B08RHR3TJK/r and Gum Road gumroad.com/l/jxzKb.

Goddess Lilith says that She has faced blowback in the music industry, both because of Her strong persona and Her career in the adult industry. Yet nothing stands in the Goddess’ way; and in the future, this force of nature stands to take the world by storm.

“I want to teach much more in the future,” She said. “And I want to be of service to women.”

Let us now serve the Goddess by supporting The MURTAIR Kickstarter campaign. Goddess Lilith welcomes pledges in any amount. Backers can choose to get no perks and give generously to the project or pledge $5 or more to get an EP. Funds raised beyond the initial goal will go towards merchandise and a second music video. Make this project happen and pledge at https://bit.ly/3CPd8iE.

Subscribe to Her premium social media on LoyalFans loyalfans.com/GoddessLilith, OnlyFans onlyfans.com/GoddessLilith and AVN Stars stars.avn.com/goddesslilith. Buy Her clips on and Clips4Sale clips4sale.com/4064, iWantClips iwantGoddessLilith.com and ManyVids manyvids.com/Profile/1001198534/Goddess-Lilith/Store/Videos. Search and subscribe to Her Pornhub content pornhub.com/pornstar/Goddess-Lilith. Follow Her on Twitter @GoddessLilith66, Instagram @GoddessLilithDomme, Snapchat @Goddess.Lilith, and Facebook facebook.com/GoddessLilithDomme. Learn your place by texting Her on SextPanther sextpanther.com/Goddess-Lilith. And check Her social media to see days/times She’s cracking the whip live on CAM4 cam4.com/GoddessLilit, MFC profiles.myfreecams.com/GoddessLilith, Chaturbate chaturbate.com/GoddessLilith or Cams.com cams.com/GoddessLilith.

Ebony Idol: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Brick Cummings

Whether on the football field or the set of an adult film, gorgeous new porn actor Brick Cummings is always devoted to delivering optimum performance. And while The Feminist Sexpert has yet to see Brick play football, she has seen his adult work and–Ladies–the gentleman ain’t lyin’!



Brick, in fact, had a dream of becoming a NFL player and played his favorite sport in college. Yet he had another dream, one that ultimately set the course of his life and career.

“I’m a good fucker,” he proclaimed, and very truthfully. “Not to brag, but I have a high sex drive and like to please in the bedroom.” (The Feminist Sexpert repeats: He ain’t bragging).

Eager to put his skills to work, this Florida native accepted the offer of a talent scout to commence his career as a porn performer; performing for sites like Desperate Amateurs and the popular (especially with The Feminist Sexpert) See Him Fuck–that scene performed with Latina beauty Camila Cortez.

“She was so energetic and professional,” he said. “I loved working with her.”



Brick impresses as a true gentleman who respects female talent; a trait that carries over to his on screen performances.

“I always want to make the lady I’m with feel comfortable,” he said. “I’m there to be helpful.”

Ensuring his partner’s comfort and pleasure is always part of Brick’s game plan, which also involves working out, eating right, and approaching every scene with a fresh, positive mindset; one that also emphasizes presenting positive portrayals of people of color.

“I’m very methodical when it comes to my performances,” he said.

And the method is working, given the fact that–mere weeks into his career–Brick is already booking scene after scene, and looks forward to a bright future as an adult actor and content creator. Look for him soon on The FlourishXXX, where he recently completed a scorching scene with Gianna Dior also featuring Isiah Maxwell, and subscribe to his Only Fans at https://onlyfans.com/brickkummings.

“This is the best job I’ve ever had,” he said. “I’m having a blast!”

And in enjoying porn and adult entertainment, Brick invites us ladies to share this experience of sublime sensual adventure.

“If you want it, go for it, without reservation,” he said. “You only live once.”

More Cummings soon!


The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Blush Erotica

Video, Voiceover & Erotica

Imagine a porn scene in which the heroine is honored and respected, loved and pleasured, as we see her sensual adventure in beautifully conveyed high definition images–and with a rich narration that describes her pleasuring. This is an erotic story come to life. This is Blush Erotica.

Blush Erotica merges video, voiceover, and erotica at the new website, BlushErotica.com.

Blush Erotica has partnered with The Sinematographer to offer this new concept, which is conveyed in boy/girl, lesbian, threesomes, interracial, MILF, and more to come as the site develops. All stories are narrated from the female perspective, and are shot in an HD cinematic style. Moreover, the site features actresses of all body types and various ages.

The Feminist Sexpert is a proud writer for Blush Erotica, and would love to introduce more female porn fans to the Blush experience. Here are some fast facts about this fabulous studio.

Mission:

Blush Erotica makes adult content that empowers all women and shows them in their best light.

Company overview:

Blush Erotica is a new concept in adult content that merges video, voiceover, and erotica. More specifically, this new concept in porn provides a narrated voiceover that adds an additional layer of erotica to hardcore porn. As the company’s catalog grows so does BlushErotica.com featuring male/female, female/female, and solo scenes, behind-the-scenes footage, photography, and personal interviews with stars.

History:

We love all bodies and all ethnicities and don’t have a “type” when it comes to telling our story. We’ve been fortunate to work with many amazing people and look forward to working with many more. Established in 2019, Blush Erotica’s parent company is composed of passionate individuals who bring different talents to the table with a common goal: to make beautiful cinematic content.

Current Projects:

The team is in the middle of Exxxotica events. We love expo season because it gives us a chance to make new connections. We also produce a series of interviews with the stars. Blush Erotica is gearing up to release its first multi-scene series about four college friends who go away to a lake house together for a long weekend.

Blush Erotica has established channels on PornHub, ManyVids, and Clips4Sales in addition to its subscription site. The group is also releasing interviews with the talent on YouTube and plans to start a new TikTok channel featuring stars giving tips for dating.

Visit BlushErotica.com or check out its Twitter at @blush_erotica.