Chocolate to Sex Up Your Holidays

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December 12, 2020

If you’re planning to have a holiday party, be sure to include chocolate or take a box for the host or hostess, as chocolate can increase sex drive and sexual satisfaction. According to a study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, just one cube of chocolate a day can raise your libido!

You can even use individually wrapped chocolates as game pieces to make your board game even more fun.

If you just want to share this aphrodisiac with your lover, then hide a dab of chocolate sauce on your body while your lover is blindfolded and tell them to find it using only their tongue. Or give them a sensual massage using some edible chocolate flavored body cream.

To sex up a home cooked dinner, for desert feed each other a variety of chocolate treats as a prelude to making love.

Still not convinced that this deeply rich, flavorful substance is associated with love?

Here’s some history that might convince you otherwise.

When the Aztecs drank chocolate back in the fifteenth century, they believed in its power to elevate sexual power and vitality, likely because of its calming serotonin properties and mild stimulant effect. They would offer it to newlywed couples at wedding ceremonies, and use it as an aphrodisiac.

After the Spanish brought it back to Europe in the sixteenth century and added sugar and butter, a whole new world of chocolaty delights was born and became abundant around the world for consumers.

By the 20^th century chocolate was being produced in millions of different forms to titillate our taste buds.

Why chocolate is good for the body:

Chocolate is good for your physical health as it offers the same health benefits as vegetables and fruits, namely flavonoids that act as anti-oxidants. These same flavonoids also produce nitric oxide, which can help to reduce high blood pressure and lower the “bad” LDL cholesterol. Chocolate also contains theobromine that can increase heart rate and contribute to overall heart health.

You may be interested to know that chocolate cocoa has eight times the number of antioxidants found in strawberries.

Chocolate is also rich in vitamins such as B1, B2, D & E, as well as potassium and magnesium, so it does a body good.

How chocolate works on the mind:

Eating chocolate can increase the pleasure center of our brain and links to the positive experiences via the hippocampus as it possesses phenylethylamine, part of a group of chemicals called endorphins, which make us feel like we are on a natural high!

Chocolate also releases neurotransmitters such as Dopamine and Serotonin that can work as an anti-depressant and make us feel like we are happier or even in love!

The caffeine found in chocolates can act as a stimulant to make you feel more energetic or awake, so it’s a great foreplay food that can help boost your energy and focus on making passionate love to your lover.

chocolatefountain — Try a chocolate fountain at your holiday party this year!

How To Talk About Sex Before You Have It

By

The Frisky Fairy

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December 3, 2020

So you’ve found an awesome partner (or partners), and you want to have sex with them, but you don’t know where to start. Maybe this is the first time you’ve ever had sex, or the first time you’ve had sex with your partner(s). Maybe this is a casual encounter, or maybe you have concerns about STIs and protection. If you’re not quite sure how to talk about sex with your partner(s) before you have sex, this entire conversation can be a source of stress and anxiety.

The ideal sex talk can be broken down into two parts. The safer sex portion, which covers your basics on how you and your partner(s) protect yourselves, and also how you intend to move forward when having safer, more risk aware sex. The second part though is the part of the talk where you discuss what you like and dislike in bed. Both are very important to bring up before you have sex, and both can be very awkward. I am here to break down the two parts!

Part I- The Safer Sex Talk:

Reid Mihalko uses an “Elevator Speech” when it comes to having a talk with someone about their STI status that I highly recommend. Practice it in front of a mirror, or with a friend over and over until you know what you’re going to say. It may seem awkward at first, but it’s surprisingly useful. This speech also covers talking about what you like and dislike in bed!

If you have an STI, talking to your partner(s) can be an even bigger source of stress, but it’s just as important to have these discussions. Ashley Manta of Sex Ed with Ashley Manta prefers a more straightforward approach. Let your partner(s) know what STI you have, your STI treatment plan, and asking them what questions they have about their transmission risks.

If your partner(s) tells you that they have an STI, be kind, and know your limits. It’s completely acceptable to turn someone down if you are unable to be with a partner(s) with an STI, but be kind about it. Many people who have STIs already feel high levels of shame about sex and their bodies, there’s no reason to make anyone feel worse. A simple “Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your honesty. Unfortunately, I am not comfortable having a sexual partner(s) with an STI” will suffice. Make sure that you’re honest about your expectations, and what you are able to handle.

Talk to your partner(s) about their STI status, and be prepared to share yours. If you prefer to wait to have sex with a partner(s) until you have a hard copy of their most recent STI test in hand, be prepared to let them know that, and also have a copy of yours ready to go! Make sure that before you start having sex with anyone, that you think of the ways you want to protect yourself. Do you want gloves for digital stimulation? How about finger cots, Do you need a specific type of condom? Make sure you know what forms of protection you want to have with you, and then make sure you supply your own! It’s great when a partner(s) brings the safer sex supplies, but it’s always best to have the supplies you use and want, just in case they don’t.

Part II- The Sexier Sex Talk

This is the easier part! Simply be honest with your partner(s) about what you like. If you know you don’t like being on top, let them know that ahead of time. I like to try and anticipate things I might experience with a partner(s) in that specific circumstance. For instance, my casual sex partner(s) might need to know that I like having my nipples played with gently, but probably doesn’t need to know that I enjoy being flogged.

Be specific and direct, and let your partner(s) know how you react to things you don’t like in bed. Are you the type of person who, when your partner(s) is doing something you don’t enjoy, will be vocal about telling them you’d prefer something different? Tell them. Do you physically correct your partner(s) by moving their hands or body into a different direction? Tell them. Make sure you talk to your partner(s) about your likes, dislikes, and habits before you have sex and ask about theirs! You can always change your mind while you’re in the moment, but talking about them before sex means that you have mutual knowledge of the things you enjoy. No one needs to be having bad sex when we can all just communicate!

Kissing Rules: Top 10 Tips and Techniques for the Perfect Kiss!

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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November 26, 2022

Is there such a thing as a bad kiss? You betcha! A kiss is usually the first intimate physical contact with a new lover, so you don’t want to turn them off. I believe that you can tell a lot about a person’s lovemaking skills by the way they kiss. So, if you want to impress your date with a magical memorable kiss, then check out the ten kissing rules and use them as a guideline on how NOT to kiss.

1. No forcing – only kiss those who want to be kissed.

2. No judgment – never criticize your partner’s kissing technique.

3. No tongue shoving – play nice, as tonsil hockey is a sport best left for the ice.

4. No biting – be considerate and do not leave a hickey unless requested.

5. Start softly – lead the way and build up to a wet passionate French kiss.

6. No drooling – suck it up before you start kissing.

7. Good breath – be prepared with mints, gum or breath spray. Would you kiss an onion? Neither will they.

8. No chapped lips – moisturize with lip balm to keep them soft, supple and kissable.

9. No slobbering – wiping your mouth and chin should not be part of kissing.

10. No lip-smacking sounds – a little pleasure moaning can go a long way, but lip locking and smacking sounds can kill the romance.

You can become Certified in Kissing and learn dozens of kissing tips, techniques, games and original styles online by taking Loveology University®’s Kissing Course.

8 Myths About Sex & Aging Baby Boomers Should Know

By

Amie Harwick

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June 15, 2020

With the baby boomer generation reaching retirement, the United States is seeing more active adults than ever, so understanding how aging impacts sexually and intimacy is crucial – and it’s not all negative! There are benefits and positive aspects of being sexually active while getting older too. Here are eight common myths about sexuality and aging, and the facts that prove them wrong.

Myth #1: Older people do not have sex

In an article by Loren Stein, M.A. called “Sex and Seniors” in 2015 it was stated that “among 45- to 59-year-olds with sexual partners, some 56 percent said they had sexual intercourse once a week or more. Among 60- to 70-year-olds with partners, 46 percent of men and 38 percent of women have sex at least once a week, as did 34 percent of those 70 or older. “ Therefore, the sexual drive doesn’t shut off, it just slows down a little with age. The idea that adults reach a certain age and just shut down sexually is completely false. Older age does lead to a reduced frequency of sexual behaviors but does not mean that there is a cessation of sexuality or sensual desire.

According to the research published by the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior in 2010, about half of adults ages 50-80 have engaged in sexual intercourse within the year that they were surveyed. Women over 50 years old engage in 5% less intercourse per year as they age and 7% less giving or receiving oral sex per year. Men over 50 years old have a yearly decrease in both intercourse and oral sex by 8%. In a study done by Karraker, A., DeLamater, J., & Schwartz, C. R. (2011), they found that the reason for the decline in sexual behavior was not aging, but other life factors that happened with getting older. Women showed a decreased frequency of sexual behavior when widowed, for example, and men showed a decrease of sexual behavior with the increase of health issues.

Myth #2: Aging adults cannot get pregnant

The general opinion from the medical community is that once a woman is post menopausal, she is unable to get pregnant, but the times and duration of menopause vary for many women, causing the post menopausal age to range. Due to advancements in fertility treatments, women can take medications that allow pregnancy to occur much later in life. The oldest women to give birth was 70 year old named Rajo Devi Lohan in India. Several women in their 60’s have given birth in the early 2000’s with the help of In Vitro Fertilization. While pregnancy is more difficult for an older women, it is not impossible. Women have lost about 90% of their eggs by the age of 40, leaving a very slim possibility for pregnancy, but while the eggs have an expiration date, the uterus does not. According to an interview with Dr. David Adamson with Medical Daily, “The bottom line is that the uterus can function just about until the death of the woman”. While the oldest mother to conceive naturally was 59, INF, or In Vitro Fertilization, is an option at all times. There are ethical concerns about becoming a mother at an older age such as maternal mortality rate, illness during aging, and overall ability to care for a child. The United States will not allow a child to be adopted to a women over 50 for those ethical reasons.

Myth #3: STI rates must be low in older adults

According to the Benjamin Rose Institute on Aging, the rate of Sexually Transmitted Infections in the over 50 population in the United States is growing at a faster pace then the population of people under 40. There are many reasons for this rise in contracting STIs among this generation. First, the baby boomer generation is aging, creating a large population of people over 60. Second, new trends in medical advancements with performance enhancing drugs are causing an even higher rate of sexual intercourse with people as they age. Third, there is rising number of mid-life divorces. These newly single middle aged and older adults are now looking for dates online through websites, and even mobile apps. This quick method of connecting has caused more availability to date, more access to partners, and ultimately more sexual behavior. Lastly, these individuals may have less sex education than younger adults. If they were in a marriage for the first part of their lives, they did not have partners other than their spouse at the start of the HIV/AIDS crisis. The use of barrier protection and other methods of contraception were far less widely used years ago. Therefore, if these newly divorced individuals are behaving in the same sexual way that they did when they were younger, they will be at a higher risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection. Because older women have less concern about getting pregnant, they may not prioritize barrier methods to protect against infections.

Myth #4: Older women do not desire sex

Many people feel that as women age, specifically in a marriage, that they lose all sexual desire. This is not the case. As mentioned, women, as well as men, have a slight decrease in the amount of sexual behavior as they age yearly after 50. Women still have the ability to feel sexual and intimate desire throughout their entire life. As women reach menopause, their naturally produced estrogen decreases, causing less natural lubrication during intercourse. This is a common issue and many physicians prescribe estrogen creams to insert vaginally, or simply recommend an over the counter personal lubricant. While desire may decrease, desire also ebbs and flows. Many reasons that women report feeling less sexual with age has to do with cultural pressures, emotional issues within a relationship, self esteem, and medical problems. The North American Menopausal Society states that desire is a combination of drive, beliefs, and motivation. While drive is biological and may be impacted by hormone change over time, beliefs and motivation are psychological and able to change based on perception. Women have a lot more control over their sexual desire while aging then previously though.

Myth #5: Older men have constant Erectile Dysfunction

Just as it may be a common assumption that women lose all sexual desire as they age, many believe that it is a natural occurrence for men to have erectile dysfunction as they age. While more men experience erectile dysfunction at older ages as opposed to younger ages, it is not a natural part of aging. Only 5% of men under 40 experience erectile dysfunction, but 44% of men in their 60’s have experienced it. According to research done at Harvard Medical School, the reason for this is that erectile dysfunction reflects the impact of the chronic diseases that are common with age. The most important are atherosclerosis and hypertension, which affect blood vessels, and diabetes, which strikes both blood vessels and nerves. Medications that older men take can interfere with sexual function, including some that treat high blood pressure, heart disease, anxiety and depression. In addition to medical causes, about 30% of erectile dysfunction stems from a psychological cause. Aside from ED, there are other changes that do naturally occur with men’s erections as they age. Their erections may not be as firm, and foreplay may need to be extended to allow longer time for a satisfying erection.

Myth #6: People over 50 don’t have casual sex

The divorce rate for people in the middle and later stages of their lives has increased with the aging of the baby boomer generation. This new population of single adults in their 50’s through their 70’s has created a more sexual group of aging adults. 23% of men over fifty that are having sex report that their most recent sex partner was with a “friend or acquaintance”. Women over 50 report casual sex about 13% of the time. There is also a growing number of adults over 50 that enjoy a relationship with a “friends with benefits” dynamic. Especially for much older adults, getting married, or remarried, may not be the goal. They report wanting to enjoy the intimacy and companionship, but without the need to create a family or other aspects that are typically the goals of younger adults. One reason why many people think that older adults do not age engage in casual sex is that it is a topic that people do not talk about. Terms such as “dirty old man” and “cougar” stigmatize and degrade the sexuality of sexual older adults. Increased cultural dialogue about aging and sexuality will increase awareness and reduce stigma.

Myth #7: Urinary Incontinence causes older adults to have accidents during sex

Some older adults experience urinary incontinence which impacts sexuality. This can cause feelings of shame or discomfort and get in the way of the possibilities of great sexual experiences. Women that struggle with incontinence experience coital incontinence 10% to 27% of the time. There are several reasons why urine may leak during a sexual encounter. Pressure on the abdomen can cause leakage of urine during sex. Other reasons include overactive bladder, weakened pelvic floor muscles, and complications of prostate issues, including prostate cancer. While women have reported loss of urine throughout the duration of the sexual encounter, older men have reported loss of urine during foreplay. A study by Guay, A., and Seftel, A. (2008) showed that 38% percent of older men that had no daytime incontinence had experienced a loss of urine during foreplay. While this is an issue that can have an effect on aging adults, there are solutions to not let it hinder enjoyable sex. One can prepare for sex by avoiding large amounts of fluids before being sexual and putting down a towel for a precaution. Talking about it reduces feelings of shame and secrecy. An older couple can experiment with different positions that are less likely to put pressure on the bladder, such as rear entry and side by side positions. Women and men can be proactive about their pelvic floor muscles by practicing kegel exercises. If a man or a women uses catheters for incontinence, there are several options available to incorporate this during sex. A catheter can be bent and taped to create room for intercourse. Some couples find that eroticising the catheter use reduces shame and increases pleasure.

Myth #8: Sex is dangerous for older adults

Aging by itself does not cause a danger. The potential risks for older adults are when they have fallen out of shape or have developed a medical condition or disability, but this also does not make sex dangerous or impossible. Older adults that struggle with high-risk conditions should exercise precaution, just as they would with any other physical activity that they want to engage in. Because older women tend to suffer with lower bone density post menopause, it may not be advisable to engage in acrobatic sex. Men with high blood pressure or heart conditions should exercise caution when having long duration or highly aerobic sex. Older adults who have a disability can modify their practices and setting to support a healthy sex life such as having bed modifications or using sex aides and toys. But the bottom line is that sex for older adults can be enjoyable and satisfying.

Six Steps To Integrity In Dating

By

Claudia Six

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October 1, 2022

Erotic Integrity® may not be the first thing on your mind as you approach your first, second or third date with someone, but getting laid might be. To set yourself up for success in your sexual, as well as romantic, life, consider the following SIX points:

Be clear about the kind of relationship you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a bootie call or a fuckbuddy, that’s absolutely fine. But don’t pretend to be looking for a spouse. Your date may be happy to jump your bones with no commitment. Just don’t misrepresent your intentions. If you are not monogamous, don’t pretend to be. Let the other person make an informed choice about who you are and the type of relationship you’re available for. It’ll avoid both of you the heartache of infidelity later. And if you’re looking for a long term relationship, the love of your life whom you want to skip off into the sunset with, say so. Don’t downplay the kind of relationship you want because you don’t think you can have it. You can! I’m a firm believer that you can design a relationship that may not fit societal norms, but that fits for you. Many older people want a companion who has their own separate home down the street or in the next town.
Know what you want sexually…other than some sex, which may be more than you’ve been getting if you’ve been single for a while. I mean more specifically, know what your turn-ons are. If you’re into women of Rubenesque proportions, leave the skinny chicks for someone else. If you’re into BDSM, don’t pick a vanilla lover. If you’re bisexual, figure out how you’re going to have that fit into your relationship. Do you date a straight person, a gay person, a bi person, a non-monogamous person? If you have a fetish for high heels on your lover’s feet, put that in your online ad, so that the Birkenstock wearers know you’re not a fit for them. Part of Erotic Integrity is knowing yourself.
Reveal yourself, gently, to your potential partner. Drop hints about your proclivities and preferences. Mention places where you hang out (nude beaches), or that you find objectionable (swing clubs). Does your date respond with a sexy knowing smile, enthusiasm, lustful glee, distaste, incomprehension, fear…? If you’re into bondage and you didn’t meet your date at the Folsom street Fair in San Francisco, ask how it might be if you tied her up with sewing thread. Another aspect of Erotic Integrity is owning who you are as an erotic being, showing up authentically, and being accountable for your proclivities, not in a defensive way but in an embracing way.
Talk openly, or as openly as you can. If you and your date are getting along well and moving into increasing sexual contact, you have to be respectful of their health, and yours. If you have trepidation about revealing a health condition such as a herpes diagnosis or other STD, a wooden leg, an innocuous skin rash or some such difficult topic, as my French grandmother used to say: “Just spit it out, at least we’ll see what it is” (“Crache, on verra c’que c’est”.) If your delivery isn’t perfect you can clean it up later. Just get it out. I also recommend having a conversation about what you’d both want to do in the case of an unwanted pregnancy, in addition to the birth control talk. People wait until the situation presents itself, but I think it’s good to know ahead of time what your respective positions are on that. Just in case. It’s good information to have.
Tell your lover how to pleasure you. People don’t read minds, much as we persist in wishing they did. Set both of you up for success.
Live your eroticism. Who are you saving it for? Don’t play it safe. Don’t wait for someone else to validate it. Show up in all your glory and rock your lover’s world as well as your own. There’s a spontaneous feedback loop in sex: when one person is really turned on, the other can ride (so to speak) that energy and it increases their arousal too. The most fun part of Erotic Integrity is living it authentically. To learn more about Erotic Integrity ®, go to http://drsix.net/erotic-integrity/To have your say about Erotic Integrity ®, go to http://drsix.net/erotic-integrity-book/

What Pics Will Get You The Most Dates?

By

Anka Radakovich

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June 10, 2020

What pics will get you the most dates? According to WhatsYourPrice.com, a dating site where you either pay for people to go out with you or you get paid to go out with people, women wearing a bikini and men wearing a suit are the most successful. Apparently, men want to see what we look like with little clothes on and women want to see if we can take you anywhere with clothes on.

Women wearing bikinis were 10 times more likely to be offered a date, according to their study, and men wearing a suit and tie were 6 times more likely to get a date. The second most successful photo for both sexes was a travel setting, followed by showing off abs for men and a drink in hand for women. “We live in a society of instant gratification,” says Brandon Wade, CEO of WhatsYoursPrice.com and sugarbaby.com. “Now, the decision to date someone is a snap judgement so the right profile picture must convey as much about your lifestyle as possible.” So apparently I need to dump the bra pics of myself where I’m studying for my Ph.D and start snapping selfies of myself in a bikini to let guys know I’m ready to party.

How To Negotiate With The Guy Who Doesn’t Like To Wear Condoms

By

Anka Radakovich

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July 20, 2020

There are 19 million STD’s reported to the CDC every year, and a whopping half of them are reported by 15-25-year-olds. How did that happen? Somehow the old line “When I wear a condom I can’t feel anything” has resurfaced, along with higher rates of STD’s. The worst line I heard from someone trying to have sex with me without a condom was “My last girlfriend didn’t make me wear one.” In a perfect world. we should not have to negotiate this issue; if someone wants someone else to wear a condom before sex, they should do so out of respect.

For anyone in this situation, I recommend saying “Put this on your wang if you wanna bang!” Or “Put this on your willy, silly.” If he doesn’t get the hint by this point, then say “Okay then, you’re not getting laid. Like ever.” I promise it will on his schlong in seconds. And make him give you a massage first to get you back in the mood.

There are so many condoms out there, including super thin, but strong polyurethane condoms that feel natural, and Extra Large ones for monster dicks, so there is no excuse anymore for saying that condoms don’t feel good. Studies have also shown that using a condom with lube increases the pleasure for both men and women. So lube it up and get it on. Koitus Kit offers a mini safe sex “kit” that fits into a back pocket or purse–in case you get lucky and don’t even want to think about having regretful, unsafe sex. It features two condoms, two wipes, and a toothbrush. Great for spontaneous hook-ups, camping, or the upcoming Burning Man.

Virtual Sex: The Dos and Don’ts

By

Adonis

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January 29, 2020

With more ways than ever to get down with your partner or someone you’re interested in from afar — that is, with all different mediums in which to have some sexy time with anyone in the world at the click of a button, there are bound to be some missteps involved with what’s being passed around.

There are also bound to be some major turn-ons associated with sexual activity that doesn’t have to be in person because that is the time when you can fully embrace your fantasies. There are secrecy and exposure involved in virtual sex that is in one way risky and another totally hot and anonymous. And now it’s easier (and in some ways safer) than it’s ever been.

The internet is one of the most massive and widely-used wish-granting tools in the modern world. No wonder we use it for ordering something as simple as groceries to buying the quintessential sex toy to searching for a third to join you and your partner for some discreet and sexy fun. However, for as many positives that the internet gives us, there’s just as much danger in what can be taken away, most obviously being one’s privacy.

With all of these new ways of transmitting our desires to one person or a whole group of them, you’re going to want to find ways to keep yourself protected however you can. So, you’ll need to be smart about the ways in which you’re having virtual sex. While it can be plenty of fun, it can also be unsafe.

That’s not to say that you need to give up all the ways in which you sext or video chat your long-distance lover, you’ll just need to have plenty of trust and communication built into these exchanges. You won’t want these photos or videos getting into the wrong hands.

Just like the real thing — if you’re having virtual sex, do it safely! Here are the dos and don’ts when dabbling with virtual sex.

Do Celebrate Your Body

Not only can virtual sex and sexting be a total turn on for the people involved, but it can also be a great way to celebrate your body (or to compliment your partners’!). First things first, there are tasteful ways to compose a nude. You can add some soft lighting, gorgeous lingerie, and angle the photo to best flatter your body. If you’re male-bodied, there are also nice ways to frame a photo without simply sending a picture of what you’re working with down below. Be creative! Don’t be shy!

Do Share Safely

It can be pretty risky to share explicit photos or videos with a complete stranger. If you are interested in this kind of anonymity though, just know that there are ways to keep yourself protected even when you’re having some virtual sexy time with someone you don’t know that well.

One of the first platforms that allowed for some secrecy when it came to exchanging photos and videos was Snapchat, who allowed to users send photos and videos with specific time limits and also had the ability to disappear after being seen by the user. The sender was notified, however, if the image had been screenshotted or else otherwise compromised.

There are a few ways in which you can send explicit content that will disappear after the recipient has viewed it. If you’re using iMessage, audio can disappear (for those moments in which you want to send some moans along) after a specific and brief amount of time.

These pieces of naughty evidence will still exist somewhere (like your partners’ favorites folder), but you will have more control knowing that it won’t be easily spread around. If you want to take an even safer avenue though, you can use certain protected apps or servers that only a password can give access to, you can make sure that your face or voice are not recognizable in the content, or and above all, you can share this content only with someone you know and trust.

Do Delete

Once you’ve sent a particularly explicit message, you won’t want to keep it around in case you lose track of your phone or laptop and you risk this private data being exposed. If you’re interested in keeping this explicit content for later, (whether it is yours or something that was sent to you, there are so many vorgasms to be had) then you can put it in a hidden folder (which can even be protected with a password) if you don’t want to delete them outright.

If you’ve sent any of these naughty tidbits to any former partners, ensure that they delete the content so they can’t use it for later, or in any type of revenge porn scenario. The worst outcome that could potentially come from virtual sex is that your body or private intimacy will be shared without your consent. Luckily, the legal system is catching up to this phenomenon, and will likely have your back if a situation gets out of hand.

Don’t Send Unless You’re Sure

The same as in person, don’t let anyone pressure you into virtual sex. If you’re not comfortable sharing images, videos, or audio that could be explicit, then don’t do it! If virtual sex is something that turns you on and you’re interested in exploring, then by all means try it (preferably with someone you know), but don’t do so just because someone is pressuring you. You don’t have to share any part of your body or yourself that you aren’t comfortable sharing.

Don’t Send Unsolicited

If you and a partner or potential love interest are getting hot and heavy with sexting and sharing photos, then it’s definitely time to up your game. Send the best photo you can to keep the momentum going. If you’re texting with a stranger or someone who has not expressed romantic or sexual interest in you, safe to say that you shouldn’t be sending that nude unsolicited.

Should I date an older man?

By

Ely Torres

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February 20, 2021

pexels-anete-lusina-5722941 — Photo by Anete Lusina from Pexels

Why Date an Older Man?

Why would you date someone your age or younger (gross), if you’re in your late 20s? You could have someone wiser, more sophisticated, financially stable… and just as hot? No more broke fuckboys asking you for gas money to get home after they’ve rearranged your insides (minus an orgasm for you, btw). An older man is also more likely better experienced, he can actually find your clit! And he’s probably more willing to fully satisfy you. Keywords being “fully satisfy.” So go for it but be prepared to hear “daddy issue” comments from those around you. Ignore them and take a few tips to steer your budding relationship in the direction you want it to.

Take it slow.

It’s always a good idea to to take your time getting to know someone that you’re freshly dating, but when the man is 10 years or more older than you, I stress this even more. Take your time! Older men usually want to settle down faster than a young guy would, so you want to make sure you aren’t being rushed into something serious.

Accept his baggage.

We all have baggage, it’s true. And when you decide to date or be in a relationship with someone, you are essentially agreeing to carry half of the load. Keep this in mind: the older the man, the bigger the baggage. BUT accepting someone’s baggage does not mean being a doormat or a punching bag.

A common issue in most relationships is a lack of trust. A healthy response would be to accept that trust in a relationship will take time to build, and openly talking about issues in the relationship to establish that trust.

An unhealthy response? Going through each other’s phones. You know where I’m going with this: Drop the the old toxic behaviors and games that fuckboys got you used to, and don’t allow them from your new boo, either!

Be prepared to be in different places in your life.

If there is a significant age gap (we’re talking at least 10 years) you should count on you being in different places in your life. He might be successful in his career and be spending a lot of time at work while you are just beginning your career and working your way up. Or the opposite could easily happen. He could be well established at his job and not have to spend a lot of time working while you prove yourself at your job with long hours. Regardless of the career situation, remember to make time for each other (or you risk drifting away from each other in a new relationship) and to prioritize quality time together.

He might have friends who are closer to his age than yours, who you have a harder time connecting with. Find some common ground with small things, like a Netflix series or a favorite sports team. You can always start the cliche (but tried and true) ice-breaker: asking how they all met. Those stories are usually chock full of juicy “getting to know you” material. You’re welcome.

Or, he might not have many friends at all since our circle of friends gets smaller as we outgrow some and lose others. What if he has a problem with you being social? Don’t let a man isolate you from friends and family, but don’t exclude him either. If he doesn’t want you to go out so much, then encourage him to go with you. Make him feel young again!

One of the great things about dating an older man is that their kids are usually (fingers crossed) adults and less of a hindrance. Don’t freak out (out loud) if he tells you one of his kids is almost your age.

Don’t expect him to be that mature. Studies have shown that men mature at the age of 43, 11 years after women do. Sorry, but you may have to hear fart jokes for a few more years.

Choose wisely

Many older men will hook up with a younger woman so they can have another opportunity to bang a hot, young chick and to brag about it to their greasy, thirsty friends. Don’t allow him to treat you like a trophy. Unless you like that sort of thing!

Have a talk about the future before you get serious, he will appreciate your being forward. And most important of all, have fun and learn from him.

Be aware of the sexual possibilities

Unfortunately, a man’s sexual ability and appetite does wind down over the years. The change is not an obvious one, but once it’s there… listen, as a woman, there are things that are hard for me to explain so I’m going to let Dr. Andrew Siegel take this one! What can I expect of my erections as I age?

Previously published at Should I date an older man? – (lovecoachadvice.com)

Approaching Dating During Quarantine

By

Debra Shade

-

October 11, 2021

pexels-andrea-piacquadio-3967470 — Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Dating changed drastically during the quarantine. We went from thinking only the creepers where online to setting up several dating accounts. We are forced to be lonely or try our hand at love online. We had to let guards and pieces of us go in order to relax and be entertained by the prospects available via any of a zillion social sites. How do you get someone to pursue you and explore relationship options?

1. Confidence is key. See yourself as the prize and realize that the person who is chasing you sees your intellect, strength, and your beauty. While its important to note that the chaser needs to have some sort of response from you to be encouraged to pursue if you wish. So, give validation, emotional support, and compliments to let the person know you are open to dating.

People are turned on by confident people. You must let them know you are interested without spilling your guts. Don’t agree with everything they say, but don’t be mean either. Be your true self and know that lots of folks are turned on by someone who is naturally themselves. Realize you can build a healthy solid relationship with everyone being their authentic selves.

2. Attraction is a process. Attraction is the chemistry that motivates us to be with another person. Usually, it is a visual attraction and then physical when you meet the person. But here we are, with Covid we are not getting the physical attraction part. Keep challenging your chaser by keeping them interested in the future they may see with you. Remember that just because they start doing things that hint, they are interested, doesn’t mean that its time for you to stop attracting the person. Keep the hunt up.

3. Be Sexy. Confidence, strength, and personality of our own traits make up what kind of relationship you would be looking for. Try looking “sexy”, whatever that looks like for you. The right outfit can flatter and display our attractive features just as highlighting features and physiques play roles in our search for a partner. The summation of confidence is that you should not be predictable or boring. Be in control without being controlling. Many will find that you are more attractive when you are easy to get along with and are confident in yourself. Just know, your personality, strength, confidence, and traits become those things that you must put on display to open yourself to meeting people to date.

4. Personality. In dating considerations include psychological attractiveness such as pleasant and cheerful personalities. A great personality will bring out the best in others. Be careful not to over focus on personality alone, however. This often results in a deep friendship without a sexual spark. Thus, changing the trajectory of the relationship. You basically need to find your own style of attraction. We are all different and the great news is, none of us are perfect so we are all developing our dating wants as we go. Do what is natural to you, then work on other traits and skills that help you establish the kinds of relationships you really want.

5. Be Engaged but Aloof. Find that balance of being engaged and aloof, be engaged in conversation and let them know you. You should want them as well. Understand the difference between wanting someone and needing someone. Don’t try to trap a person into a relationship. Be cautious about when you profess your love for the person. The other thing to note when talking about confidence and sexiness in getting someone to chase you, is letting them ask you about other people. This will let you know their level of interest and allows you to prioritize the relationship and its growth. Just as you will play games, they will too, it will be their way of making sure you are worth the chase.

6. Time. Another change to the dating game is the amount of time you have now to chat with this person and to do it virtually! Some ideas that I can share are virtually taking them with you for tea, watch a television show together or share your hobby with them.

7. Get Over Your Fears. Virtual dating requires you to overcome any fears you have about being on camera, utilize uploaded images or stock images for your background.

Online dating has become the new normal. So go for it!