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10 Tips For Better Sex In Time For Valentine’s Day

By
Colin Christopher
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While you never really hear someone describe sex as bad, the reality is there’s sex that’s mind blowing and sex that is just average.  Even couples who once had great sex sometimes cool down in the bedroom for many different reasons.  How do you turn the heat up? Where do you start?

As a clinical hypnotherapist, I specialize in helping patients with relationship issues, and Valentine’s Day always seems to bring up questions about how to have great sex.

Here are ten tips that you can use with your lover:

1. Stop Focusing On Sex

When a physician rules out medical problems, it’s usually a lack of an emotional bond that is the problem. Engage in activities that build emotional entanglement.  Wild or scary activities like riding a rollercoaster together or skydiving work well for this.  When you experience an adrenaline rush or feelings of exhilaration together, it channels into other things including better sex. 

2. Slow Down

Never see sex as an obligation or something you have to do because people say it’s good for your relationship.  Take your time, make it last and enjoy it and each other. Work at going at a slower pace and savor the experience.  Remember to focus on foreplay because it stimulates both partners’ sexuality and increases emotional intimacy.

3. Be Honest With Your Partner

Be honest and tell each other what you like, what works and what doesn’t, new positions or techniques you want to try. This level of sexual awareness will take your emotional and sexual relationships to the next level. The secret to any long-lasting relationship is being comfortable and honest talking about the good and bad. If sex is the issue, make sure your partner knows.

4. Surprise Your Partner

A thriving sexual relationship means keeping it new and exciting. Don’t always do the same things you always do.  It shouldn’t be a routine.  Put on something your partner will be excited by. Role play or playout his favorite fantasy.  Try that thing she’s wanted to try but you have been holding back.

5. Get Out Of The Bedroom

Sex isn’t just for the bedroom. Find other places in your house/apartment to have sex. How about the car or the backyard?  Maybe the kitchen counter? Or next to the fireplace in the study?  Get creative and try different places.  Remember to vary the time of day you have sex, too.

6. Take Care Of The Other Stuff

While sex is always great at the beginning of any relationship, factors like stress, money, work and children start taking priority in people’s lives. Manage your life effectively so you can truly enjoy that special alone time you have with your partner.  The idea is that when you’re spending time with your partner, the other things shouldn’t be a factor.

7. Focus On The Positive Attributes Of Each Other

Human nature pushes us towards negativity. This is a sexual killer because when you’re focused on what you dislike about your partner, feelings of resentment accumulate and emotional connection fades.  Remember, we’re all human and no one is perfect.  Focus on the positive in each other and focus on lifting each other up all the time.  Your sexual experiences will thank you.

8. Imagine It Ahead Of Time

Spend five to 10 minutes a day picturing yourself having great sex with your partner. Think about the sounds, sights, smells and how you feel during sex. Many people focus on the physical aspects of sex and ignore the fact that sex can be a mentally and emotionally stimulating experience. The more you prepare mentally, the more amazing the physical becomes.

9. Use Technology To Your Advantage

Technology is everywhere, so use it to add some fire to your love life. Send your partner a sexy text or email while they’re at work. But remember, sometimes you have to put the technology down. In today’s world, picking up the phone and calling or spending time in person can create a better emotional connection and better intimacy as well.

10. Hit the right spots

Have your partner lie down on his or her stomach naked. Start massaging from the feet and work up to his or her head with massage oil, or better yet, massage glide that doubles as a safe sexual lubricant. A relaxed body allows for better blood flow to the extremities which can lead to a stronger erection for men and increased sensations for women. Try some sexy erotic talk to heighten the mood.

Colin Christopher is the author of Manipulate The Date.

Chocolate to Sex Up Your Holidays

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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If you’re planning to have a holiday party, be sure to include chocolate or take a box for the host or hostess, as chocolate can increase sex drive and sexual satisfaction. According to a study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, just one cube of chocolate a day can raise your libido!

You can even use individually wrapped chocolates as game pieces to make your board game even more fun.

If you just want to share this aphrodisiac with your lover, then hide a dab of chocolate sauce on your body while your lover is blindfolded and tell them to find it using only their tongue. Or give them a sensual massage using some edible chocolate flavored body cream.

To sex up a home cooked dinner, for desert feed each other a variety of chocolate treats as a prelude to making love.

Still not convinced that this deeply rich, flavorful substance is associated with love?

Here’s some history that might convince you otherwise.

When the Aztecs drank chocolate back in the fifteenth century, they believed in its power to elevate sexual power and vitality, likely because of its calming serotonin properties and mild stimulant effect. They would offer it to newlywed couples at wedding ceremonies, and use it as an aphrodisiac.

After the Spanish brought it back to Europe in the sixteenth century and added sugar and butter, a whole new world of chocolaty delights was born and became abundant around the world for consumers.

By the 20th century chocolate was being produced in millions of different forms to titillate our taste buds.

Why chocolate is good for the body:

Chocolate is good for your physical health as it offers the same health benefits as vegetables and fruits, namely flavonoids that act as anti-oxidants. These same flavonoids also produce nitric oxide, which can help to reduce high blood pressure and lower the “bad” LDL cholesterol. Chocolate also contains theobromine that can increase heart rate and contribute to overall heart health.

You may be interested to know that chocolate cocoa has eight times the number of antioxidants found in strawberries.

Chocolate is also rich in vitamins such as B1, B2, D & E, as well as potassium and magnesium, so it does a body good.

How chocolate works on the mind:

Eating chocolate can increase the pleasure center of our brain and links to the positive experiences via the hippocampus as it possesses phenylethylamine, part of a group of chemicals called endorphins, which make us feel like we are on a natural high!

Chocolate also releases neurotransmitters such as Dopamine and Serotonin that can work as an anti-depressant and make us feel like we are happier or even in love!

The caffeine found in chocolates can act as a stimulant to make you feel more energetic or awake, so it’s a great foreplay food that can help boost your energy and focus on making passionate love to your lover.

chocolatefountain
Try a chocolate fountain at your holiday party this year!

How To Talk About Sex Before You Have It

By
The Frisky Fairy
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So you’ve found an awesome partner (or partners), and you want to have sex with them, but you don’t know where to start. Maybe this is the first time you’ve ever had sex, or the first time you’ve had sex with your partner(s). Maybe this is a casual encounter, or maybe you have concerns about STIs and protection. If you’re not quite sure how to talk about sex with your partner(s) before you have sex, this entire conversation can be a source of stress and anxiety.

The ideal sex talk can be broken down into two parts. The safer sex portion, which covers your basics on how you and your partner(s) protect yourselves, and also how you intend to move forward when having safer, more risk aware sex. The second part though is the part of the talk where you discuss what you like and dislike in bed. Both are very important to bring up before you have sex, and both can be very awkward. I am here to break down the two parts!

How to talk about sex 1

Part I- The Safer Sex Talk:

Reid Mihalko uses an “Elevator Speech” when it comes to having a talk with someone about their STI status that I highly recommend. Practice it in front of a mirror, or with a friend over and over until you know what you’re going to say. It may seem awkward at first, but it’s surprisingly useful. This speech also covers talking about what you like and dislike in bed!

If you have an STI, talking to your partner(s) can be an even bigger source of stress, but it’s just as important to have these discussions. Ashley Manta of Sex Ed with Ashley Manta prefers a more straightforward approach. Let your partner(s) know what STI you have, your STI treatment plan, and asking them what questions they have about their transmission risks.

If your partner(s) tells you that they have an STI, be kind, and know your limits. It’s completely acceptable to turn someone down if you are unable to be with a partner(s) with an STI, but be kind about it. Many people who have STIs already feel high levels of shame about sex and their bodies, there’s no reason to make anyone feel worse. A simple “Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your honesty. Unfortunately, I am not comfortable having a sexual partner(s) with an STI” will suffice. Make sure that you’re honest about your expectations, and what you are able to handle.

Talk to your partner(s) about their STI status, and be prepared to share yours. If you prefer to wait to have sex with a partner(s) until you have a hard copy of their most recent STI test in hand, be prepared to let them know that, and also have a copy of yours ready to go! Make sure that before you start having sex with anyone, that you think of the ways you want to protect yourself. Do you want gloves for digital stimulation? How about finger cots, Do you need a specific type of condom? Make sure you know what forms of protection you want to have with you, and then make sure you supply your own! It’s great when a partner(s) brings the safer sex supplies, but it’s always best to have the supplies you use and want, just in case they don’t.

Part II- The Sexier Sex Talk

This is the easier part! Simply be honest with your partner(s) about what you like. If you know you don’t like being on top, let them know that ahead of time. I like to try and anticipate things I might experience with a partner(s) in that specific circumstance. For instance, my casual sex partner(s) might need to know that I like having my nipples played with gently, but probably doesn’t need to know that I enjoy being flogged.

How to talk about sex 2

Be specific and direct, and let your partner(s) know how you react to things you don’t like in bed. Are you the type of person who, when your partner(s) is doing something you don’t enjoy, will be vocal about telling them you’d prefer something different? Tell them. Do you physically correct your partner(s) by moving their hands or body into a different direction? Tell them. Make sure you talk to your partner(s) about your likes, dislikes, and habits before you have sex and ask about theirs! You can always change your mind while you’re in the moment, but talking about them before sex means that you have mutual knowledge of the things you enjoy. No one needs to be having bad sex when we can all just communicate!

Men and Women Are Different: How to Communicate About Sex

By
Erika Jordan
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Men and women are so different they seem to come from different planets. Or at least that is what John Grey the author of the New York Times best seller, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus claims. Embracing and accepting our differences will help us maintain healthy relationships.

But what does this mean? Men are able to focus on narrow issues while blocking out unrelated information and distractions. Women naturally see everyday things from a broader, “big-picture” vantage point. We can all recall walking by a couple where the woman is chatting away and guy is seemingly staring into space. The man might really care for her but just can’t tune in to all the mind numbing details. Men prefer to get to the point quickly instead of walking around the point in circles.

Instead of getting into the complex mind of a female, I will simply point out five major points. That if employed will help you communicate much better with women.

1: I don’t know, what do you want to do? We all hate this question but it is one that is asked quite often. When she asks you a question, it is best to always have an answer. Even if you have no preference where to eat just say the first place that pops into your mind. Always having an answer sets a tone and creates a pattern that has her seeing you as the solution man and a man who cares. Don’t pretend to know more than you do. A lie is visible from space. I will look into that is a viable answer. I have heard many times that a woman’s favorite three words is some form of “I’ve got this”.

2: Communication not interrogation. You have heard people say if you get her talking about herself she will feel like she is having a good time and connecting with you. This is true but it doesn’t mean interrogate her. Asking her a steady stream of questions makes her feel like you are genuinely interested in her. Contribute to the conversation and make sure you relate to her and evoke emotion. Make sure that you ask open ended questions that require more than one word as a response and can turn into a conversation. “What do you like about living in Los Angeles?”

3: Learning to drive a woman. If you want something to change in the relationship it is going to require time. Take time as you sit together, cook together, eat together, travel together to voice your dissatisfaction with certain aspects of the relationship. Just do it in a calm fashion. Tone of voice is about half of the communication so pay attention to your tone. Reassure her that you are happy (if you are) with the overall relationship. You just want one or two things to change. When she has the mic be an active listener, don’t look around or just sit there, and don’t say “uh uh” every few seconds. Watch her body language, tone and proceed like they taught us in drivers ed. IPDE. Identify, predict, decide and execute.

4: No unnecessary apology. Most women I know think a man comes off as a wimp when he starts every sentence off with “I’m sorry.” Don’t apologize for not agreeing with her. Don’t apologize for wanting to watch the game (unless it’s during her grandmothers funeral). Not only will you over-use “sorry” but it will not have the same impact when you really mean it.

5: Don’t argue with crazy. When I say “Don’t argue with crazy.” I mean that to a woman, she’s not being crazy at the moment. Even though every other person on this earth would clearly side with your opinion.  They are what they are and you attempting to rationalize or solve the problem isn’t always the right thing to do. If she starts crying during a cat commercial because the cat is “just so fluffy,” the smart thing to do is simply put your arm around her and attempt to put yourself in her shoes. Is she suffering from PMS, did her cat just die, or did she forget to take her meds? Regardless of where she is on the crazy scale the right way to deal with something you see is illogical or “crazy” is to sympathize with it and bring some humor into the situation if possible to lighten the mood.

Since much of communication is listening time to review the previous post from Erika Jordan, How To Listen To A Woman.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

 

How To Listen To A Woman

By
Erika Jordan
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Let’s talk about listening.

I know men are often overwhelmed when listening to a female. They feel obligated to fix all of her problems. Sure it would be great if you could fix all of her problems however most women see conversation as a productive end in and of itself. What does that mean that means that if she feels sufficiently heard she doesn’t necessarily need to take it any further. The fact that she has been listen to soothe her anxieties and dolls the pangs of negative feelings.

Sharing with someone who understands and loves her heels her from the inside. This equips her with the emotional tools necessary to handle the trials of the outside world. Women tend to understand the emotional parts of messages more effectively than men. This is probably because research indicates that women process messages on both sides of the brain more so than men. So men tend to process more on the left side of the brain and emotional information is processed on the right.

Here are a few listening tips:

1. Women feel the need to express everything, I mean everything, in order to provide you with the most information about the situation, please be patient. Women often feel that men don’t care about what they are saying due to the lack of reaction, so be involved. Don’t assume what they are saying is not important because the subject is not important to you. If she is taking the time to talk about it, she wants you to take the time to listen to her.

2. Find the perfect balance between logic, empathy and our emotions. What is really happening? Why is she telling you to do the dishes. Does she feel disrespected or unappreciated? Put yourself in her shoes.

3. Check your emotions. Why are you so angry that she’s asking you to do the dishes. Why did you react that way. Taking a moment to rise above the situation and view it neutrally will transform your world.

Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. Improving your communication skills will improve every area of your life. From making you more successful in business to improving family relations and increasing intimacy with your significant other.

It requires work  to keep your relationship strong. After the initial serotonin and oxytocin rush wears off you’re left with feelings of boredom. It’s a normal transition because everything seems boring compared to that new relationship energy. You might not be able to maintain the excitement you felt during the first few weeks but much like cocaine you can continuously pursue that initial buzz but no amount of cocaine will get you there. You have to find a buzz you can sustain (like eating healthy and getting adequate sleep.) If you want a relationship to last you have to be aware of the inevitable ups and downs and be able to adjust accordingly.

Communication and listening is a primary skill for a successful relationship. For more on needed skills let Erika Jordan guide you with Advice For Men Skills.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

 

9 Reasons Why Abstinence Messages Fail

By
Dr. TaMara Griffin
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Over the past few decades, the federal government has sunk millions of taxpayer dollars into abstinence programs and interventions which have yet to be proven effective.  Stopping teen pregnancy, the spread of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases among youth takes much more than a pledge, purity ring or a bogus abstinence message that only focuses on delaying sex until marriage.

Now don’t get me wrong, abstinence works well if you use it! But reality and statistics show that kids just don’t. It’s time to get real about abstinence messages and explore the reasons why they continue to fail our children.

Sex is Natural

Teenage hormones are real. When human beings discover the joy of sex and orgasm, it’s a impossible to stop that desire in its tracks and reverse the pursuit of pleasure. In fact, as young sexual beings, the pursuit of pleasure supersedes our rational mind, and the desire to orgasm clouds our common sense! We are sexual beings from the time we are born until we die. The desire to explore our sexuality is as natural as the desire to eat or sleep. These desires are embedded deep within our subconscious and begin much earlier in life than puberty. Curiosity surrounding sexuality is a natural part of development beginning with the exploration of the body. Teaching abstinence is like asking someone to stop eating or sleeping.

Peer Pressure is Real

Peer pressure is a hallmark of the adolescent experience. The desire to fit in during teen years can be overwhelming! No matter how influential you and other trusted adults are in children’s lives, their friends’ thoughts and opinions will weigh heavily on their decision making, including the decision to have sex. According to research conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation, the majority of children in the U.S. ages 13-18 reported that they get a lot of their information about sexuality from their peers. The report also found that one of the biggest reasons that they engage in sexual activity is because they believe that their peers are also having sex. No amount of saying “just don’t” is going to convince them that shouldn’t keep up with their peers.

The Media Sells Sex

The media perpetuates specific social scripts and conceptual frameworks about sexuality. Television, magazines, movies, and music continue to shape thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes about how men and women should behave sexually, promoting the “player” status for men, and “using what you’ve got to get what you want” for women. The Real Housewives, Love & Hip Hop, The Bachelorette – just to use a few examples – are all filled with the same old narrative featuring unhealthy relationships, lack of meaningful friendships, low self-esteem, and overt sexuality as a tool or a weapon. There are very few healthy sexual dynamics presented in the media for teens to look up to and admire, and shows aimed at kids are so chaste and abstinence-assuming, that issues surrounding sexual peer pressure are avoided like the plague.

Social Media Has Opened Pandora’s Box!

Children have a natural curiosity when it comes to sexuality. Google, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter and all the other social media sites have increasingly become the primary source of sex education and information. Children are turning to the internet instead of parents or trusted adults, to answer their questions about sexuality. Unfortunately, the accuracy and reliability of the internet is, at best, questionable. Searching for sex education websites online can result in inaccurate information, and at worst, redirects to pornography which is massively inappropriate as a sex education tool, showing no emotional context or basis for intercourse.

The Church Sends Mixed Messages

Most churches preach one thing: refrain from sex until marriage. But churchgoers are human and you can bet that pretty much everyone in the congregation is engaging in some form of “sinful” sexual activity. There is also often a focus on female shame, where pregnant young women need to admit their her sins of fornication before the church, while the male partner does not, sending the message that only women bear the burden of sexual ‘sin’. It’s long established that religious guilt-tripping and sin shaming isn’t very helpful. It teaches children to lie, hide and be ashamed of their own sexuality, a silence that puts children at risk. When we silence them for speaking about sexuality beyond abstinence, we miss an opportunity to save their lives, or improve them.

Fear-Laden Messages Don’t Work!

Showing pictures of sexually transmitted infections or telling children that they’ll go blind if they have sex are fear-based tactics that have adverse effects. Categorizing sex as dirty and nasty, or something only bad people do, sends the message that embracing your sexuality is wrong. Not only that, it teaches intolerance for sexual diversity among the beautiful spectrum of sexuality. As a result, kids carry these unhealthy messages into adulthood and they play out in the form of unhealthy relationships, low self-esteem, depression, domestic violence, substance abuse and so much more! In addition, because the teen brain is less developed than an adult’s, they lack the biological mechanism to properly determine the possible negative outcomes of a certain action. So often times they live with a false sense of security and take risks because “it’s not going to happen to me,” or “I’m invincible.”

Do as I say and not as I do

The unspoken messages from adults regarding sexuality are oftentimes more powerful than their spoken messages in shaping children’s perception of sexuality. The behaviors adults model to children can have a significant impact on the choices they make, how they view things and even how they behave or not behave. Parents, it’s time to lead by example! If you want to send the message of abstinence, then perhaps you need to do the same? Or if you want to send a message of healthy safer sex with emotional attachment, practice that! Or if you want to sleep around, but don’t want that for your teenage daughter, you need to have that discussion too.

Penis Play Equals Notches!

Boys are socialized from a very early age  to embrace their penis. They are encouraged to sow their oats and have as much sex as one man can have. This message has been passed down as if it’s a rite of passage. Society supports a very unhealthy and sometimes misogynistic view of women, relationships and sexuality, as the recent ‘locker room banter’ political discussion has proven. All these things combined create an unhealthy framework of male sexuality that promotes promiscuity, shuns abstinence, and misses out on important discussions about relationship building and intimacy.

Keep Your Panties up!

This antiquated adage gets an epic fail. How can boys be promiscuous while girls are abstinent? It doesn’t make sense, and it contributes to shame and dangerous secrecy. Back in the day, it created confusion and resentment from kids who grew up to find that their “big sister” was really their mother and other complicated scenarios arising from lies, and currently it’s wreaking havoc on young women all over the country, resulting in damaged wombs or infections from back alley abortions, and of course deep emotional scarring.

So, You Want an Abstinence Message That Works?

We need to rethink, reframe and replace the current abstinence message with one that offers an integrated approach. It must be developmentally appropriate, medically accurate, gender considerate, culturally competent. The message must be clear, concise and consistent and teach knowledge, tools and skills. In addition, effective abstinence programs must including the following:

  • Teaching what it truly means to abstain, including abstain from substances
  • Teaching how to choose abstinence – even after being sexual
  • Teaching that the body is a temple that needs to be protected
  • Identifying sexual triggers
  • Understanding peer pressure and establishing healthy friendship
  • Setting personal boundaries
  • Defining the characteristics of a healthy relationship
  • Teaching about informed consent
  • Teaching communication skills
  • Teaching critical thinking skills
  • Teaching decision making skills
  • Teaching negotiation and conflict resolution skills
  • Identifying how morals, values and beliefs influence sexuality

Discussing the mental, emotional, social, spiritual, physical, biochemical, energetical, political, institutional, legal, systemic and financial consequences of sexuality

Finally, parents and other trusted adults who have chosen the abstinence talk must continue the abstinence talk.  It is not a one-time discussion. The abstinence talk is an ongoing evolving discussion that changes with the needs of the child.

It can be scary to talk to your teen about sex. However, we live in a world where not teaching your child about sexuality can be even more frightening! We must acknowledge that an abstinence-only message is not working. We have to create a message that prepares them for life by acknowledging the truth that children are indeed having sex!

Erika Jordan’s Advice For Men Miss Red Flag

By
Erika Jordan
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Women come in different shapes and sizes, and learning who would be your perfect fit is a bit like reading a “choose your own adventure” novel. Unfortunately, that also means learning the “red flags” of who you aren’t looking for, and what kind of woman might be downright toxic for you.

A woman’s logical mind, heart, and libido tend to have different ideas regarding who might be the right person to pursue. So learning to find a compromise that makes every part of you happy can be borderline impossible in the long term.

If you want to date more efficiently and not waste precious time on someone who’s completely wrong for you. Then you need to recognize relationship red flags and learn how to stop a bad relationship before it starts.

Here are 11 types of “red flag women” you need to avoid while you’re dating.

1. The “rebound” red flag.

She needs to be in a relationship at all times and will set up a new nest before destroying the one she’s in. She’s constantly looking for someone better and will drop you the moment she secures her next “upgrade.” She fears nights alone and informs Facebook every time she leaves the house. This is a woman who seems to cycle through a lot of partners and boyfriends, and has no end of available people to pick from.

2. The “drunk girl at the party” red flag.

She feels most comfortable when she’s bar-hopping the night away. She parties with her posse until the sun comes up, even on a Tuesday. This girl will run up your bar tab getting plastered every night. Then, you can hold back her hair while she covers your leather seats with vomit. And if you still feel like doing the deed when you get home, let me remind you alcohol loosens everything up and desensitizes you. She might be the most exciting person in the party, but in real life, she won’t make a supportive partner.

3. The “dependent” red flag.

Her family, husbands, boyfriends, and divorce settlements have created a life for her in which she has never relied on herself for anything. She has no ambition and no interest in getting an education or career. She’s really good at doing nothing; she’s like a poor Kardashian. This woman has no dreams or ideas for creating a life for herself. She only wants to be taken care of and has zero ambition to do anything else.

4. The “designer everything” red flag.

This red-flag woman only wears the finest fabrics, and if it’s not designer, she doesn’t want it in the same room as her. She’s obsessed with fashion and has her cosmetic dentist and plastic surgeon on speed dial.She has a section in her closet just for yachting attire and if you don’t own a yacht, it’s a problem. A woman like this will expect to be wined-and-dined in an extravagant way and won’t settle for less. It may leave you scrambling to figure out how to support her lifestyle, or feeling like you’ll never be good enough.

5. The “addict” red flag.

This woman claims to have more ailments than a lab rat and knows which doctors are loose with the prescription pad. No one really seems to know what’s wrong with her, and her extreme moods can leave you reeling. A woman like this needs help and is in no way capable of being in a healthy, loving relationship at this time.

6. The “people pleaser” red flag.

This woman won’t disagree with you — ever. She agrees with everything you say. She’s a “sweetheart” and projects a selfless demeanor. Seems fine and dandy if you’re the type of man who doesn’t mind a girl without her own opinion. But in actuality, she has an opinion and keeps stuffing her own feelings and ideas deep down to appear more appealing to you. This is a passive woman that ends up becoming volatile and angry. Put simply, the sweetness is a mask to make her appealing, but it doesn’t stay.

7. The “childish” red flag.

This girl is forever a child. She’s anti-authority and likes to cause a scene, and isn’t afraid of having a tantrum like a toddler, loudly and in public. She pouts when she doesn’t get her way and doesn’t act mature, regardless of the situation. She’ll never dress or act appropriately, but still thinks she’s hip. You might like a good thrill, but with this girl, the thrill never stops… Until you end up in jail or a confrontation.

8. The “needy” red flag.

This isn’t just a girl who likes attention; this is a girl who needs it. Craves it, even. She needs attention at all times, so if you’re not available to reassure her 24/7, it’s likely she’s texting 10 other guys to get what she’s looking for. Someone like this isn’t going to be interested in a healthy, long-term relationship.

9. The “baby fever” red flag.

This woman tracks her ovulation with an app on her phone. She loves sex and refuses to use birth control. At least she tells you she’s on the pill, but you’ve personally never seen a single one. This girl is obsessed with having offspring and will do and say anything necessary to achieve this objective. This girl may want you to stick around, but it might only be to pay child support.

10. The “drama” red flag.

This is a “woe is me” type of human being who can never take responsibility for her part in her misery. Her life is more dramatic than a Quentin Tarantino film. Something happened in her life, and from that point, everything was one traumatic occurrence after another. She claims to hate drama, but seems to have a never-ending stream of it 24/7. Being around her will be exhausting.

11. The “procrastination” red flag.

This type of woman is not in the right place in her life for a relationship, but she’ll never actually admit it. Instead, she’ll keep breadcrumbing you along, pretending that a relationship is in the works. You hang on because she’s unpredictable and mysterious, and she’ll stick around for a bit while you pay the bill. Although people have a need for excitement and uncertainty, don’t get fooled by these relationship red-flag types. It’s time to grow and learn from past mistakes if you want to have a good relationship in the future, so break the pattern and get a better result!

Learn to ask questions that can help you spot red flags. Erika Jordan has some suggestions in Advice For Men Questions To Ask A Girl. 

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

What Is Your Love Language? The 5 Love Languages

By
Erika Jordan
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We all receive and show love in different ways. It is in our best interest to understand and be aware of our partner’s and our own love languages.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

The love languages, from the book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman, are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

Each individual has at least one language that they prefer above the others and this is where it gets interesting. Your partner might show love by making you breakfast. But perhaps your love language is physical touch. You feel neglected because she didn’t stay in bed and cuddle.  A simple shift in your awareness would have prevented this issue when in theory both of you just wanted to show and receive love. Let us break down the various love languages.

1. Words of Affirmation. These are any spoken or written words that confirm, support, uplift, and empathize with another person in a positive manner.

2. Acts of Service. This involves doing something for your partner that you know they would like. Such as filling up their gas, watering their plants, or cooking them a meal. When you give Acts of Service, you give up your time.

3. Receiving Gifts. That brings us to receiving gifts which is obviously a no brainer. The gifts likely work best when thoughtful. They don’t have to be expensive to be effective.

4. Quality Time. Is the love language that centers around togetherness. It is all about expressing your love and affection with your undivided attention. When you’re with your partner, you put down the cell phone, turn off the tablet, and focus on them.

5. Physical Touch. This is more about intimacy. It could be holding hands, laying your head on your partner’s shoulder, a massage or simply a hug.

We might not receive love the way we show it either so just because we use physical touch to show love doesn’t mean that’s how we best receive it. Maybe you have insecurity issues and feel most at ease when your partner often reminds you how much they love and appreciate you.. aka words of affirmation. Whatever the case may be it is in your best interest to understand your own love language and that of your partner! Miscommunication is the leading cause of discontentment and often times it could have been easily avoided with a few conversations and mindfulness.

If you’re relying on the universe bringing you some kind of effortless love in which your partner just happens to receive and give love the same way as you then you are denying yourself an opportunity for growth. Even if you find that perfect person you’ll get to a fork in the road sooner or later and communication and empathy will be required. Love isn’t an effortless adventure. It is an adventure both parties agree to go on that requires overcoming obstacles and hard work. That does not mean it is not also magical and effortless.. at times. If it was consistently effortless you would likely get bored anyway. All great things require work to attain and maintain.

This a good time to back up and think of a most important skill, active listening. Check out Erika Jordan’s Advice For Men – Skills.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

The Girlfriend Experience: Zoom Style

By
Erika Jordan
-

What is it like when you have to negotiate a dating relationship while in lock-down during quarantine, zoom-style?

In the midst of a pandemic we could all use a laugh. Dating Coach of the stars, Erika Jordan brings the funny. Along with Tenere Williams, Erika presents The Girlfriend Experience, Zoom style. Be careful what you wish for as Erika Jordan brings all the girlfriend stereotypes to life.

For more on the funny side from Erika Jordan check out I Paid For This Date.

If you are ready to find love, have better sex or just be more charismatic try Erika Jordan’s six week course, The Art of Pickup! Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Pandemic May Be Good For Your Dating Life

By
Erika Jordan
-

Things suck right now. I normally like to look at things positively and I am a fan of the lack of traffic. But I’m right there with you in saying, I miss being able to do things. BUT dating isn’t on hold until there is a vaccine. Pandemic may be good for your dating life. Sure, there is currently an added challenge to what is already a challenging situation. But do we just go home if our freeway ramp is closed or do we reroute and head to next ramp?!

There’s a lot of guys whining right now about how they “weren’t doing well before the pandemic. And now they literally think I have the plague UGH I’m never going to get laid.”

First of all you should have taken my six week course, The Art Of Pickup, and acquired the skills to approach women with confidence and leave them wanting more. And you still can so get in the game.

Second, you’re antisocial and awkward, the pandemic is literally a godsend for your love life! Now you can take the time to think before you respond. All the women of the world have taken to the Internet to find love and you happen to have Wi-Fi!

You can control your image while showcasing the great. Remember to leave out the fact that you collect and burn your toenail clippings, which by the way is really weird and paranoid.

Things are finally working in your favor. If you’d like help setting up your profile and choosing images I’d be happy to do so. Check out The Best Online Dating Profile.

Otherwise, when you start talking to a girl online and you’re ready to meet. Remember we are in a pandemic but it’s just like adding another STD to the mix. Except you can catch COVID-19 even if she just blows you a kiss. Keeping that in mind have an open conversation and if either party has been taking risks there are testing centers everywhere. Some even have 30 minute results! Schedule a test before the date to put her mind at ease.

She’ll be swooning before the waiter brings the barcode that you need to scan to get the menu as you sit outside in the parking lot. I don’t know about you but I’m in Los Angeles and we’re only allowed to eat out if we’re sitting outside. It’s a good thing we have perfect weather!

The point is you don’t have to get a stray cat just so you have someone to cuddle. Before the pandemic lots of people were using dating websites and apps but now EVERYONE is online dating. This is your time to shine baby so find an outdoor hair salon, get rid of that caveman look and start a profile! If you would like help I’d be happy to do so!

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

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