If your spouse has cheated on you more than once, or twice, then they are a repeat cheating-offender and being in love with one can be soul-crushing and draining. This is an immediate, “hell no!” because if they are a repeat offender, they are usually a lost cause. This doesn’t guarantee that the person will cheat on their next relationship, but it does mean your relationship with them will always be doomed.
Lying is the basic foundation for the typical behaviors of a cheater. If your spouse claims to have stopped cheating and you find out they’re still lying to you about things, it’s not worth forgiving them.
A huge reason not to forgive a cheating spouse is that they are still communicating with past lovers. For a cheater to get over their habits and any past relationships, they must cut ties with whom they cheated with or even had relationships with. Once a sexual boundary has been crossed, it is so much easier to get in bed again with that person. It is easier to not even have the temptation near you.
If they have cheated with a close friend or family member then all types of violations were committed and the hurt truly will never end.
If they had a long-term affair then they should go to therapy because this kind of cheating screams that the cheater has deep issues that need to be dealt with in order for them to have a healthy relationship with anyone.
Do not forgive a cheater when they continue going out, making you feel insecure or making no effort to correct their ways. This shows a lack of respect and no desire to change. If they beg for forgiveness but then get caught in lies, then you know for certain that you cannot trust them.
Typical behaviors of a cheater include making excuses, avoiding being physically intimate with you, lying, being distant and initiating arguments. If your spouse’s negative cheating behaviors disappear or are decreasing, you should consider forgiving them.
Does your partner show empathy, remorse and restitution? For example, remorse is deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed. Empathy is the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions. Restitution is an act of restoring or a condition of being restored. When it comes to forgiveness, these three conditions work beautifully together and lay the foundation for forgiveness.
A spouse should always be forgiven for cheating, even if you choose not to stay with that spouse. When you do not forgive, anger and resentment will eat you alive. Anger and revenge are horrible for your health and soul.
One good reason to forgive a cheating spouse is because you genuinely want to continue with the marriage. Forgiving isn’t just continuing the marriage while holding on to anger and hurt, it’s actually letting go and actively practicing trust again.
This takes time. Sometimes, years. Be prepared for this journey because it’s not an easy one. Don’t feel as if you need to follow through either, it is perfectly okay to later decide that the relationship is no longer worth saving. Be true to yourself, first and foremost.
Your spouse will never be able to force you to heal, or speed up the process, even if they’re trying hard to regain your trust.
Only you can decide to heal, then pursue healing.
Is your significant other acting strange and you’re not quite sure if they are cheating on you or if it’s all in your head? Check out this article that tells you how to determine if your partner is cheating on you, straight from a private investigator!
Check out Dr. Ava’s free Healing Course here as well.
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This article originally appeared on ElyShouldKnow
