Once you hit 30, it gets harder and harder to find one or the other: someone who has never been married and someone who doesn’t have children. But usually, it’s both. Everyone has kids nowadays; and sometime you might even feel like you might be missing out on someone who might be really good for you because they are a parent or are divorced. After all, not all parents come with baby mama/daddy drama and not all divorcees are pathetic. I say that you should go out on that date with the hot, divorced dad you met at the gym. BUT…if you see these red flags…girl, you better run.
He just got divorced
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If the man you’re seeing is very recently divorce or is still in the process of finalizing the divorce, you may want to slow things down or stop seeing him because it’s probably not the best time for him to start a new relationship. It’s true that he may have been ready for a divorce for a long time and when it’s final, his feelings towards you won’t change. On the other hand, if it’s still very fresh, he most likely hasn’t had the closure that is needed to move on from something as serious as a marriage.
He won’t shut up about his ex
If he’s talking about his ex and his divorce all the time, he’s not ready for new love yet and instead, needs a friend with a patient ear, not a new relationship. Don’t worry about finding out all the details of her past life with him, her new life or intimate details about why they didn’t work out.
He stalks her social media
He may claim that he follows her on Instagram so he can see pictures of his children or because they parted in a friendly way. But he’s just checking up on her. If he gets emotional if anyone else is in her life or is suspicious of her activities and glaringly talks to you about them then you need to drop him asap. These are all things that no longer concern him. If you sense even the smallest amount of stalker behavior, where he’s following her online or in person excessively, you should gtfo.
They communicate A LOT
During a divorce, there may be reasons for him to get in touch with his ex-wife to finalize the details of the split. But, unless they had the world’s most amicable breakup and ALL of the chemistry is gone, he shouldn’t be all that involved in her life after the divorce. If either of them depends on the other for help with personal problems, they haven’t moved on yet. If they have children, they will need to stay in contact, but other than that, there’s no need for them to hang out together and be always available for each other. HOWEVER, if they are talking 24/7 and he always says it’s about the kids, it might be a huge fucking stretch. If he leaves you hanging often and blames the kids for that, too, then you might as well drop him before you start resenting his kids because of his lies.
He feels he “needs to date”
Even if a guy knows that he is not ready to start dating again, he may still want to get laid. Or, his friends might be pressuring him into it. After a divorce, he might be looking just for a quick fling, want to enjoy his freedom as a single guy, and not be quite ready to settle down again. Is he hard on love, relationships, and marriage? Does he sound bitter when he talks about true love or finding a partner to stay with? Those are signs that he’s really not ready for the long haul yet, and he’s just on the rebound, looking for someone temporary to cheer him up and boost his damaged pride. Or, if you detect his heart’s not in it, he’s not listening to what you’re saying, or he’s hardly talking, it may be possible that he’s just not ready to date again. Give him time to heal first and maybe later on you can both try again.
He’s always sad or complaining
It’s natural that he might get a bit down when talking about his divorce or former marriage but it’s not okay for him to be constantly sad or pissed off about it. If he’s moping around, living in the past, he’s not ready for a relationship. If he’s always complaining to you about her and bringing up old arguments and issues between them, maybe he didn’t learn anything from his past relationship: a sign that he’s not ready for a new one.
He’s dating a few women
If you’re not the only one he’s dating, then he’s not ready to be in a relationship again. He may be in a stage where he just wants to get out there and have a good time and that’s okay as long as you are aware of what is going on and don’t mind. Not sure whether he’s dating others? If he has a hard time committing to dates or can’t really make long-term plans, he’s likely not only dating you
He doesn’t know what’s next in his life
Has he decided where he wants to live if he’s the one that’s moving out, or is he still living somewhere temporary until he decides what to do? If he has children, has he moved into a set pattern of when he will see them and what he does when they are together? If he’s still confused, you gotta be okay with being there for him every step of the way if he needs it and tbh, in a new relationship, that is simply too much. Let him figure his shit out and rejoin him in his “starting over yet again” phase. Trust me, that phase is a lot more fun.
If any of these red flags are present, proceed with caution and avoid falling for him, cuz he aint gonna catch you.
Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about my male readers! Men, if you run into any of these women, esp number 10… avoid them at all costs! Trust me, you’ll thank the lovely Ms. Erika Jordan later.
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Previously Published at http://lovecoachadvice.com/major-red-flags-when-dating-a-divorced-man/