Life everywhere has been turned upside down, but with all of us easing into our own versions of “new normal”, two things have remained constant: one, we still want to date (probably moreso than ever before), and two, dating is hard (again, probably moreso than ever before). It hasn’t been the easiest to just jump back in, but now, I definitely have a fresh perspective on how to handle modern-day dating once more, thanks to a dating course I took online.
Dating, Again
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Getting into the dating scene once more has been nothing short of tiring. Not like it wasn’t before–with each unsuccessful date felt like I was literally taking one step further away from my personal dating goals–but this time… it all feels so uncomfortably foreign.
The pandemic has inevitably made us all go look inward. And for those who resisted (namely, me!), they overcompensated with going for more social relationships. One of the very first things that I did when lock-down happened was install a dating app. (Okay, maybe I installed a few.) I even started revisiting old flings just to see where it might go, just in case. I was so desperately forcing connections just to feel something other than dread about the world. It was my own version of coping.
Image from Ketut Subiyanto
Obviously, none of them really worked out. Perhaps, it was just a function of boredom, so as soon as it wasn’t fun anymore I just dropped them. Perhaps, communicating digitally was just not the same as getting to flirt in a restaurant where I can dazzle them much more organically. Whatever it was, I didn’t give it much thought and just chalked it up to fate. Things were just not meant to be.
So, What Was Wrong?
We’re so used to pinning it on the idea that our failures in dating are just a compatibility issue, when in fact, a lot of it is because we get in our own way. I realized that I had been doing this even before the pandemic supposedly forced me to jump into dating again. I sought the external so clumsily, and with an unstable perspective.
I was so eager to cut through the basics of dating (you know, stuff like flirting, kissing, communication, intimacy, and even safer sex) because I felt that I didn’t need to invest in any of those things, that whoever was on the receiving end of my affections wasn’t worth investing in. To my surprise, I have been playing the game wrong. I’ve been sort of an emotionally unavailable person who only wanted the fun without giving anyone a chance, no matter how no-strings-attached the agreement was. I was tired because I was putting all my energy into dodging anything romantically substantial–well, because I wasn’t looking for it anyway–instead of getting to know the wonderful people I’d meet. (Okay, maybe not all of them were wonderful. Still.)
How Taking a Dating Course Changed The Way I Date
So I took a chance on a Dating Course at Loveology University and let Dr. Ava Cadell take charge of my new dating life. On top of being quite thorough about every aspect of becoming a sexpert or a love and relationship coach, she’s also updated her courses to include dating in the time of COVID-19, which was a huge plus for me. At first, I thought it was ridiculous to take a course on how to flirt and how to kiss. I mean, let’s be honest, I’m way, way, waaaaay past my firsts to be relearning it at this point. But it was worth a try, and the courses were actually enlightening. To master modern-day relationships, I had to start at the beginning.
Aside from the technical aspects of these basic dating skills, I’d been introduced to a guiding ethos that uncomplicates these intimate acts. I was taught that they need not be emotionally charged, nor did it need a long-term purpose to be done in the first place. Flirting, kissing, communicating–it’s all natural to us human beings. It’s something we already do day-to-day. It’s something that’s so deeply ingrained in us that we’ve even come to refer to them as love languages.
Image from Anna Shvets
Turns out, I was just crazy and had my own share of intimacy issues.
Having it laid out to me in this simple way proved to be effective. I saw these acts as the little ways that we all show affection to each other. It’s an inexplicable part of wanting and needing to connect with other people–seeking the external, as I would say. Keeping all this in mind has made me look at modern-day dating in a different light. It’s not perfect of course, but if you give it, yourself, and the person (or people) at the receiving end a chance, then you might just find yourself enjoying it afterall.
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Founded in 2007 by Dr. Ava Cadell (Clinical Sexologist and AASECT Certified Sex Counselor), Loveology University (LU) is an online love coach training school that has trained and certified thousands of aspiring coaches worldwide, with our cutting-edge love, sex and relationship coaching programs. LU offers the most comprehensive Love Coach, Master Sexpert and Relationship Coach training programs online, teaching you everything you need to know about love, romance, relationships, intimacy and sexuality so you can to help your clients thrive romantically.
Graduates are eligible to get international accreditation by becoming members of The American College of Sexologists and CE’s towards AASECT.
You can sign up for Loveology University’s cutting-edge Sex Ed courses. They’ve got a special 50% OFF discount on individual and bundled courses right now, with a great focus on the basics of dating and relationships–all updated for the current situation we’re living in.
Featured image by Andrea Piacquadio