Faking orgasms…. good thing? Bad thing? Have we all done it? Probably. But why? Pretending to orgasm during intercourse may seem like a quick fix to a bigger problem or a way to spare your partner’s feelings but in the long run, faking orgasms can be detrimental to your sexual relationship. Let’s discuss.
A 2019 survey conducted by Kinkly.com indicated that most people have faked an orgasm and that doing so was not good for their relationships or their sex lives. Another study from PubMed, polled seventy-one sexually active heterosexual women. Most admitted to making noise during sex that had nothing to do with their own pleasure.
So why? Why do so many of us moan, make noises, scream, fake orgasms? Do we do it to spare our partner’s feelings, social pressures, sexual expectations, because we want the session to end?
According to more research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2013, four factors influence a woman’s decision to fake orgasms (in order of popularity):
- Altruistic Deceit: Faking orgasm out of concern for a partner’s feelings
- Fear and Insecurity: Faking orgasm to evade negative feelings associated with the sexual experience
- Elevated Arousal: A woman’s attempt to increase her own arousal through faking orgasm
- Sexual Adjournment: Faking an orgasm to end the sexual encounter
Kinkly.com’s study broke the numbers down in their 2019 survey which included 62% females, 36% males, 2% Trans and 1% Agender participants. Their ages ranged from 18 years to 65 years. Heterosexuals (67%) and bisexuals (26%) were the largest percentage of participants. The results were as follows:
- 80% of participants indicated they HAVE faked orgasm at least one time and on average, they faked orgasm 27% of the time
- 69% of participants that identified as male have faked orgasm whereas 87% of participants that identified as women have faked orgasm
- Participants who identified as male faked orgasm 9% of the time
- Participants who identified as female faked orgasm 37% of the time
- 97% of all participants HAVE experienced an orgasm with or without a partner but men reach orgasm 86% of the time whereas women reach orgasm 70% of the time with or without a partner
The survey indicated that the reasons for faking orgasm were similar to other studies:
- Wanted the sexual encounter to end
- Wanted to make partner feel good
- Was sexually satisfied but felt it was necessary to make the encounter end
- Didn’t want partner to feel bad
When it comes to age, more women faked orgasms between the ages of 18-24. As women got older, they realized they didn’t need to fake orgasm. Male participants faked orgasms more between the ages of 35-44. All participants most faked orgasms in long term relationships. Only 30% of the participants have ever admitted to faking orgasm with their current partner or a previous partner.
These statistics indicate that sexually active people believe the misconception that intercourse must end in orgasm. This is not true. Sexual intercourse is about experiencing pleasure. Sexual intercourse can promote stronger relationships. Sexual intercourse can encourage intimacy. Faking orgasms can cause feelings of inadequacy in both partners, the person faking orgasms may feel inadequate in that they cannot reach climax. The other partner may feel as though they’ve been deceived (if they find out) or they may feel their partner doesn’t feel the same attraction or affection for them.
Resolutions?
- Open a dialogue with your partner to discuss what you prefer and what makes you feel good
- If you can’t discuss what makes you feel good, show your partner while you’re having intercourse/encounters
- Initiate mutual masturbation with your partner so they can see and directly experience what you like
- Create opportunities for intimacy outside of intercourse. Find common interests that you and your partner share. These interests can create intimacy in the bedroom and beyond
- Change the idea that sexual intercourse and sexual encounters should be similar to what we watch in adult films
- Change the idea that a sexual partner must meet the unrealistic expectations of something seen in adult films
- Normalize having sexual encounters strictly for pleasure and without a goal or mission
Having open, honest, and pleasurable relationships with a sexual partner, without an expectation should be the objective of every encounter. You should always feel good about yourself and your partner. Your sexual health and well being are important. Adding a level of duplicity won’t serve the relationship well. Drop the “oh yeahs” and tell them what you want.
By Kinkly Staff
Published: OCTOBER 7, 2019, | Updated: JANUARY 14, 2022
Evidence to Suggest that Copulatory Vocalizations in Women Are Not a Reflexive Consequence of Orgasm, June 2011, DOI:.1007/s10508-010-9632-OI, PubMed, Gayle Brewer, University of Liverpool, Colin A Hendrie, University of Leeds
The Faking Orgasm Scale for Women: Psychometric Properties, December 2013, Archives of Sexual Behavior 43(3), DOI: 10.1007/s10508-013-0212-z, PubMed, Erin B Cooper, Center for Marital and Sexual Health, Allan Fenigstein, Kenyon College, Robert L Fauber, Temple University